The Long Walk Home
by Tracy2
Summary: Chapter 51 FINAL CHAPTER Thank you for sticking with me.
1. Past Problems, Future Worries

The Long Walk Home By Tracy Wood 

Disclaimer: This is a work of fan-fiction, written, and hopefully read, strictly for enjoyment. The main characters of Mark, Steve, Amanda, and Jesse, as well as Alex, Cheryl, CJ, Dion, Captain Newman and Chief Masters and any others that you recognise are from the series Diagnosis Murder, and as such are the property of CBS/Viacom. All new characters, especially Detective Reagan Yeager, her family, Eliana Travis, Jo/Texas Walters, Martin Robertson, Officer Campbell and Doctor Wil Collins are mine.

This story carries on from For Always. The traumatic events that happened in that story still have to be addressed, and so for Steve, Mark, Jesse, Amanda, Rae and Jo, although life is seemingly back to some sort of normality, the reality of the situation is that they all have ghosts that need to be dealt with before they can start to enjoy life once more.

This story has taken over six months to write, and sometimes it was a little hard going, but I was always encouraged and helped by my two very special beta reading friends. Ladies, you know who you are, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. 

Past Problems, Future Worries 

If he shut his eyes, Jesse could see the journalists and photographers as they swarmed around his wife and child, a month ago, outside the courthouse. Rae had still been in a wheelchair then, and, after Steve had taken Eliana out of Rae's lap and held her close to him, Jesse had tried to push his wife out of the way of all the lenses and microphones but she had asked him to stop. Then she had begun to speak, and her voice had been confident and clear.

_"Ladies and gentlemen, I will not answer your questions, because I would really like to get home, but I just wish to say this. The fact that I knew I was innocent was never going to be enough to keep me out of jail and, as you know, I was right, it **wasn't** enough, and I would still be there if it hadn't been for the determination of my family and friends. All I want to do now is go home and try to recover from my injuries so that I can get my life back to some sort of normality."_

_"How do you feel about the people responsible for your current disabilities?" The voice floated over from the back of the group of journalists, and Rae had no idea who was speaking._

_"I'm very sad that it had to happen, and I know that it resulted in their having extra charges against them, but I don't really feel anything about them."_

_"What about the detectives who arrested you? They were your colleagues, after all."_

_"No, they **are** my colleagues, I think they were in a horrendous position, and let's face it, the evidence pointed towards me, they didn't really have a choice. Thank goodness they kept searching though, because now I am free and it is due, in part, to them."_

_"And if you hadn't been a cop, do you think they would have kept looking then?" The voice asking the question was out of Rae's eye line, but then everybody not directly in front of her was out of her eye line.  Rae felt the chair move slightly, as, she guessed, Jesse tightened his grip on the handles._

_"And your daughter is she all right again now?"_

_Rae smiled this time and everybody could see just how much pleasure she got from the little girl. "She's fine, and I would like to thank you, all of you, for the part you played in getting her home to her father and me." Rae was glad of the opportunity to ignore the stupid question from before, but the journalist wasn't going to give up that easily and once again the voice floated towards her and Jesse saw his wife clench her right fist._

_"Do you think that you would have received the death penalty if you had been found guilty?"_

_"Ok, that's all the questions we have time for." Jesse hadn't said another word, but he had begun to push the wheelchair forwards and gradually everyone had moved out of their way, and he had been able to steer Rae towards the parking lot, and finally, after they had ignored the microphones being thrust under Rae's nose they had got into the car and gone home._

That had been eight weeks ago, and, for the first few days after that, life had been almost as it should be. He and Rae had planned a Christmas with all their friends, but the reaction from the court case had come in the form of Rae wanting to just shut the door on the world and stay with her immediate family. She had phoned through to Jo and explained that the Travis's wouldn't be coming for Christmas and after the panic of realising that they didn't actually have a turkey or anything else to eat for Christmas dinner, they had done some last minute internet food shopping and had a really good time.

Eliana had got another cold on Christmas Eve, and she had needed her preventative medicine, but it hadn't dampened her enthusiasm for her newly acquired ability to crawl and although she didn't travel very far Jesse had needed eyes in the back of his head for the whole of the holiday. In fact, as much as he and Rae had loved their Christmas tree, both of them had been glad to see it head towards the recycling centre at the beginning of the year.

The brace that Alex had designed for Rae's left arm had seemed to spur her on to greater success with the therapy on her right arm and her knee. The left knee had returned almost to normal once the swelling had gone down, and the brace that she had been using on her right leg was gradually being phased out. The wheelchair was still folded up behind the door in the family room, but Rae hadn't used it since the day she arrived home from the courtroom and Jesse knew that she hoped that she would never have to sit in it again.

The presents that Jesse had arranged to be delivered in England had been a great success, and they had received wonderful e-mails from Rae's children on the day after Christmas, which Rae called Boxing Day, and a week later they had received letters through the mail also thanking them for everything they had received.

Jesse looked at his watch, it was just after eleven in the morning, and he wasn't due to start at the hospital until one. Rae had taken Eliana over to Jo's; or rather Steve had come and picked them up. Jesse shook his head as he thought about Steve. He was his best friend, and he hadn't spoken to him since that night in Bob's when an apology had turned into an argument and Steve had thrown him out. 

If he was rational about things he knew that he had been out of line with Steve, but he had been shut out of the search for his daughter, and then Steve had brought Ron in. Maybe he had blamed him a little too much, but he knew that he couldn't take his words back, and when he thought of them he was so deeply ashamed that he had been avoiding his friend ever since. Steve was like a brother and he missed him; he missed his council, his friendship and his companionship. But at the time his family was more important, and they'd had to come first.

Jesse looked at his watch and saw that it was time to go and check his mailbox. He was expecting some brochures from a couple of security companies that he had contacted, and he wanted to check their prices before he headed to the hospital.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had been at Jo's for about two hours before Steve came to see her with a smile on his face. He had dropped her off and then he had been to the gym and Rae had a feeling that he had probably run there and back. "Hey, Rae, I have something for you." Rae could see that he had a folder in his hands. "I have had this in my car for too long to remember, but I kept missing the chance to give it to you."

Rae had turned her head towards the voice as Steve had started to talk. She was no longer wearing the neck collar, and she could walk, albeit slowly, without any assistance, but her arms were causing her a lot of pain and the left one was still paralysed from the wrist to the shoulder. "What is it?"

They were both standing in Michael's kitchen, Rae had just finished a drink and, anxious to keep moving so she didn't seize up, she had brought her glass back herself. "It's the condensed version of the drive-by shootings I've been working. I don't know if they've stopped, but we haven't had any for a while. They had a distinct pattern to them but I'm not going to tell you what it is. You are still on the payroll, Detective, so you can tell me." Steve had smiled, but he noticed that Rae had turned away again. "Rae? What's the matter?"

"Nothing really, I just feel such a fraud, drawing a salary when I can't do the job."

"Yeah, I knew you would, but it's nothing you don't deserve. You're entitled to it; you know that, that's why you paid to have the insurance coverage."

"But I wasn't injured in the line of duty, and so I don't think I should get it. Gilbert says that I could sue for damages, and I may have to do that if I can't get back to some sort of police work before too long. Anyway, I didn't come here for that, I came to see you and Texas, and for you to spend some time with your goddaughter. Can I read this when I get home?"

"Yeah, sure. Rae, we're having a get together at Bob's tomorrow night, just the homicide division and their partners. It will be an open house sort of thing, so that as many of them as possible can attend. I'm there all night, so is Jo, and if Jesse isn't working you and he are welcome. Would you like to come?"

"No, Jesse isn't working tomorrow night, and yes, I would love to, thank you, Steve. Do you think Michael would baby sit for us?"

"I'm sure he would. Everybody would love to see you there, Rae." Steve smiled again and Rae moved over and into the welcome embrace of her partner. She rested her head against his chest and felt his arms go round her. 

"I don't know what I would have done if you had carried on thinking I was guilty. I need you in my life, Steve. Not just as my partner, but as my friend."

"Hey, it will take more than three murder charges to split us up." Steve kissed the top of Rae's head but he knew that it had almost taken a lot less than three murder charges. Four or five unintentionally spoken words from his father had almost ruined their friendship and cost Rae her life, but thankfully everything had been explained, Rae had been cleared and at least the two of them were the same friends they had always been. Steve sighed and tried not to think about Jesse. The argument at Bob's had shocked and saddened him, and part of him wondered whether they would ever be on speaking terms again, he wanted to talk to Rae about it, but he wasn't sure where to start so he pushed the pain to the back of his mind, loosened his grip on her a little and then together they moved out into the hallway, and headed into the morning room, where they knew that Jo and Eliana were playing.

Eliana was sitting in the middle of the carpet with her shape sorter and giraffe next to her. She had got all sorts of presents for Christmas, but whatever she played with she always returned to her two favourites. As she saw her mother she began to bounce. "Mamamama."

"Hey, Sweetie, I guess that we didn't need to buy you anything for Christmas, you just keep on with the same old things." Steve was down on the floor with his goddaughter almost immediately, and he began to hand the shapes to her. Eliana looked at each one then she dropped them on the floor and waited for her Uncle Steve to hand her another one. This time though Steve folded his hand round the shape and then just showed Eliana his two fists. He smiled at her and she smiled back. So he stuck his tongue out at her, and she did that too, then Steve turned his hands over so that she could see the fingers and he put them down so she could touch them. "Where did the shape go?" Eliana just looked at him so Steve opened both hands at once and she reached out for the shape. Quickly he covered the square back up and watched her. For a moment his goddaughter looked at the two hands in front of her and Steve could see she was working things out, then she let out a shriek and thumped his hands with hers.

"Honey, that's not quite how you do it." Rae smiled and watched the interaction between the two of them. Eliana had begun to realise that there were other people in the world apart from her, and she was quite shy around strangers, Steve however, would never be a stranger and she was quite capable of getting hysterically overexcited whenever she saw him.

Jo got down on the floor and carefully opened Steve's fingers with her own, making sure that the little girl was watching her and then Jo took the shape and gave it to her. "Ta."

Steve had taken another shape, a circle this time and putting it in his hands he held them out and Jo took Eliana's hand and used her fingers to open up the fist. Eliana grinned when she saw the shape and took it herself. Rae eased herself into a chair and watched the interplay between the three people on the floor. For a little over twenty minutes they played find the shape, and it wasn't long before Eliana was opening Steve's hands by herself. 

Rae hadn't said anything, but she was worried that her daughter, who was now almost ten months old, was still quite content to sit and play in the same place for long periods of time. Although she could crawl she didn't travel very far, and she hadn't tried to do any of the things that her other children could do at her age. Her playing was the same, she seemed to be happier doing the one thing over and over again, and the shape sorter was a case in point, she just tipped it out, sucked the shapes and then left it alone until she needed to suck them again. 

As they sat there Mark came into the room and Rae was shocked at how grey he looked. "Mark, are you all right? Only, I hate to say this, but you look awful."

Steve dropped the shapes to the floor and was on his feet and standing by his dad in an instant. 

"Thank you so much! No, I feel pretty lousy, Steve, do you think you could run me over to Community General, I think I'll go see Wil or Jesse. It's probably just something I ate, but I guess it's better to check."

"Mark, Jesse is at home, let Steve run you there, I can come with Eliana and then it will all be over in one journey."

"Ok, thank you."

"I'll just phone an' let him know that you are comin'." Jo moved over and picked up the phone and dialled the familiar number. While she waited for Jesse to answer she watched as Steve anxiously led his father to a chair, and then Rae began to slowly put Eliana's baby things back into her diaper bag.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse was waiting by the door when Steve pulled up and he came out to see if Mark needed any help getting into the house. 

"Mark?"

"It's ok, Jesse, the pain has gone now, I guess I'm just panicking over nothing."

"Dad, just get Jesse to check you over, you may as well now we're here." Steve had moved round and stepped in front of Jesse to give his father his arm.

"Jesse, Honey, could you take Eliana into the house?" Rae had let Mark sit in the front of Jo's car, which had been the easiest for them all to travel in, and now she was carefully moving so that she could leave the car herself. Jesse moved over and picked up the car seat and then watched to make sure that both Mark and Rae were ok.

Jesse directed Mark into the spare bedroom so that he could check him over, and Steve, Rae and Eliana went into the living room. Steve undid the child seat and then picked up the little girl. He kissed her gently on the cheek and she reached up and took a handful of his hair. "No, Eliana, we don't do that." Steve moved her hand down and was pleased to see that she didn't begin to cry. 

"Steve, can I get you a coffee?" Rae smiled across at him, and saw him nod. She moved carefully into the kitchen and gradually began to gather together the things that she needed. The arm brace meant that she could pick up items on the counter with her left hand, and the slowly improving movement in her right arm enabled her to do most things, but they were painful and took time. The coffee mugs were now kept where she could easily reach them, and the coffee machine was permanently on when Jesse was home anyway, so Rae carefully took hold of the pot with her right hand and moved it off the hotplate and onto the counter. Then she slid it along until it was next to the mug, picked it up cautiously and poured out the required amount. The process was then carried out in reverse and soon the pot was back on the machine and Rae had one black coffee. "Do you want milk?" Rae called out to her partner, sometimes Steve drank it black and sometimes he didn't. When there was no reply she picked up the mug and made her way back to the living room.

The doors to the yard were open and Rae could see Steve sitting on the deck with Eliana on his lap. It was a mild spring day and Eliana had jeans and a sweater on so she wouldn't get cold. Rae put the coffee down on a coaster and then moved out and joined her partner. "Are you ok, Steve?"

"Yeah, I think so, I guess it's just that I'm worried about Dad, and you, I know you are doing great things, but … well, I want you back, Rae, and that day seems a long way off."

Rae smiled at him, it was the first time he had voiced the same fears that she felt. "I know it does, and sometimes I think that I will never get there. Steve, you have to accept that for the next year I won't be your partner. You can bring stuff home like the drive bys, and I'll help you all I can, but I can't even really come into the station and help you, because I'm just a liability at the moment. What would happen if there was an incident like with those activists when I was there? I'm out of the picture, and I guess you and I are gonna have to accept that for a while."

Steve was about to reply when Mark came into the room behind them. Rae had her back to the door, but Steve saw him and went straight back inside. "Dad?" He put Eliana into her playpen as he passed it, which was not appreciated by the little girl who began to scream. "What did Jesse say?"

"Well, there was nothing to show why I had the pain, but I promised I would keep an eye on myself, and make a note of any other symptoms that I have, but it could have been anything, and … well, Michael was out last night, and you did make chilli." Mark smiled, and Steve had to admit he did have his colour back and he wasn't stooped over like he had been when he entered the morning room.

Rae had, by now, come back into the house, she had handed her daughter a drink, which had quietened her temporarily and was standing next to Mark, her right hand over his. "Can I get you a coffee?"

"Honey, I would love a coffee, but I think I will get Steve to run me home instead, I can have a drink there, and maybe an afternoon in front of the TV." Mark smiled but Rae could see the worry in his eyes, and she was very concerned for him.

"Any time, day or night, if you need Jesse, you just call. The phone is by the bed, and he will be there at your side, ok?" Rae gently kissed her friend on the cheek and was reassured a little as he put his arm around her and drew her into a firm hug.

"Thank you, Rae, I'll remember that." Mark looked over at Steve and then the two men moved down the hallway and out of the front door. Rae realised that Jesse was nowhere to be seen and called out to her husband.

"Honey, Mark and Steve are leaving."

"Ok, bye." 

Rae bit back on a cutting comment, sometimes Jesse could be so tied up in what he was doing that he seemed to ignore everything that was going on around him. She watched as Mark carefully got into the car and then with a wave from Steve they were gone. With a sigh Rae closed the front door and went back to her daughter. As she entered the room she could see Jesse shutting the patio doors and locking them. "I would have done that in a minute or two."

"You shouldn't leave them open, look what happened last time, and Eliana was in here, you should have been way more careful." Jesse couldn't forget that Louise Willis had got into the house through the patio doors, stealing things that had implicated Rae in three murders.

"Jesse, nobody can get in, this is a gated community, the side gate is shut and locked and you had an alarm fitted to the back fence, she was fine."

"Yeah, well that's easy for you to say, you didn't have to suffer through the whole of her disappearance, and then her stay in Valley."

"Jesse! That's a terrible thing to say, I did suffer, you make it sound like the only person who missed her was you." Rae kept her voice level, but she was extremely hurt by his accusation. "Don't you have to be at the hospital in just over half an hour?" Rae could see the clock on the wall showing twenty past twelve, and she knew that Jesse was supposed to be starting work at one.

"How can I go now you are home? You were supposed to be staying with Jo all afternoon." Jesse had a head of steam up now, and everything was wrong as far as he was concerned.

"And I'm delighted to see you too! Jesse, I was only going over to see Texas to stop you from panicking again. I can look after Ana on my own. I just have to do things slowly and carefully, that's all, and if I have a problem I will call you or Texas."

"So, how are you gonna get her out of the playpen when it is time for her to have her lunch, or her nap?"

"I'll open the side and take her out, or you could even take her out for me before you go. Jess, she will play happily on the floor, or I can spend the afternoon and evening with her in the nursery, I can carry her, it just hurts is all."

"Well, I'll be back just after ten, but any problems and you call me, ok?" Jesse moved across and into the main bedroom to get ready for his shift at Community General. 

"Yes, Sir!" Rae watched Jesse leave the room. She couldn't tell him, but now she was home and had the chance, she wanted the house to herself for a while. Ever since Jesse had started back to work full time just after Christmas he had been driving her nuts with his constant attention. At least when they were home he would let her just get on with what she wanted to do, but if she took one step outside the front door all that changed. As Rae sat down on Tony's chair her mind went back over the second weekend she had spent with Amanda and Ron.

_It was the weekend in between Christmas and the New Year and Rae was still almost completely incapacitated and in a lot of pain. Jesse, because he hadn't been working very often, had drawn the short straw and was working both days, he was then off on the Monday and working New Year's Eve. Rae had known that she couldn't survive ten minutes on her own, and so had gratefully gone to stay with her friends once again._

_Rae had noticed that Jesse's manner was different from the last time that they had stayed at Amanda's and she was a little concerned about him. He had called her on and off almost all day, and by the time they were eating their evening meal Rae was just about at the end of the tether, and feeling very guilty because she was wishing for the ER to change from the ghost town it had been all day to somewhere where Jesse didn't have_ _time to call her on his cell phone every fifteen minutes._

_Rae had been watching Amanda feeding her daughter for her when the phone rang again. "If that's Jesse, tell him I have gone out. That should shut him up."_

_"No, that'll make him call 911." Ron picked up the phone. "Bentley residence … Hi Jess, she's eating her dinner right now … No, I think it'll get cold if she does that … She'll call you later … Bye." Ron shut off the phone before Jesse could say another word and then he looked over at Rae with a self-satisfied grin on his face. "I think I bought you, what, ten minutes of peace and quiet?"_

_It had been a little more than that, but not much. Rae and Amanda had taken Eliana upstairs and were reading her a story when they heard the phone ring again. "Hello, Bentley residence… Jesse, go away. She's fine, she is putting your daughter to sleep and she'll see you later." The phone was slammed back down on the table, and then Ron's voice floated up the stairs. "Sorry, Rae, but he is really beginning to annoy me."_

_"Ron!" Amanda had sounded scandalised, but Rae had just smiled._

_"I know, I have to admit it's driving me nuts too, but he's worried about me, and Eliana, I guess I could call him once she goes off to sleep."_

_Rae had called back, but Jesse had been with a patient, and shrugging off the feelings that she had somehow caused him to be busy she decided to be glad that he was being kept occupied and she had then spent a very pleasant evening with Amanda and Ron and the two boys just enjoying their company and the gentle flow of conversation, at least she had until Jesse had finished with his patient, and then the phone calls had begun again. By the time Jesse arrived at Amanda's that night he had called twenty eight times. Ron had begun to make a chart after the fourth call, and by the time he got to fifteen he was ready to throw it out the window. During the afternoon Rae had slept for almost two hours and Jesse had called four times, just to make sure she was still asleep! When he called to say that he was just drawing in outside Rae had told him to stay in the car for ten minutes because they were all fed up with the sound of his voice, but he couldn't, and he was inside the house before she had put the phone down. _

Rae was pulled back to the present as Jesse called out to her. "Rae, I have to go now, I'll see you tonight. Now, you are sure you are all right?"

"Yes, Jesse I'm fine. Eliana's fine too; if you can just take her out of her playpen we will be all right for the rest of the afternoon and the evening, ok?"

Jesse leant over and picked up his daughter as he carried on speaking. "And you have your cell phone in your pocket don't you? All the numbers are programmed in, all you have to do…"

"Ok, Jesse, that's enough! I know how to use a cell phone, I know how to dial 911, hell, I used to be 911, now go to work or it will be you needing a doctor."

Jesse saw the look on his wife's face and knew that he was pushing her to the limits. "I'm going, I'm going, but I'll call once or twice during the day, just to make sure that you are doing ok."

"Jesse, so help me if you call me twenty eight times, I will stop answering the phone. Now, GO!" Rae carefully put her right arm out and Jesse handed her their daughter. Although she held her a little awkwardly Jesse could see that there was no possibility of Eliana falling from her mother's grasp and so with a sigh he moved towards the front door. 

"I'll be back just after ten."

"I know." Rae didn't even try to be polite she just glared at him, and then felt guilty and relieved at the same time as the front door shut and a minute or two later she heard the car start up and pull away from the house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve was pulling his last night shift and so he headed towards the station just before five. After he had given the drive-by shooting file to Rae he had decided to go over it all once again when he got into the squad room. Unfortunately neither George Bannister nor Campbell was there, and so he poured himself a coffee and began to read through the paperwork alone.

The shootings hadn't been his case to start with, but when Rae had been withdrawn from active duty on medical grounds he had passed over one of his current cases to Cheryl and Martin, the one which had resulted in Rae being charged with murder, and almost fatally injured, and he had moved across to work on the drive by shootings. Although it had been Bannister and Campbell's case they had deferred to him as the senior detective, and he had effectively taken it over from then on. Not that it had made a scrap of difference. They still had no idea who had carried out the shootings, or why. They obviously knew when and where, but that was all. Steve looked at the lists before him. He had worked out the timescale, or he thought he had. Nothing had happened since before Christmas, and he wondered whether the trail was now so cold as to mean that nothing more would happen and if it did they wouldn't link it to what had gone before. The locations had left them all stumped and still Steve couldn't see a link. He wondered briefly if his dad would have solved it by now had he been fully fit, but it wasn't a thought that stayed in his mind long. 

Mark was taking much longer to bounce back from his injury than they had all hoped, and for the first time Steve was aware that his dad wasn't getting any younger. The look on his face as he had come into the morning room when Jo and he had been playing with Eliana had scared Steve, but Jesse had said that he was ok, and he had to be satisfied with that. _Jesse_. Steve shook his head at the thought of his best friend. He tried not to think about him at all if he could possibly avoid it, and yet today he had thought about him twice, and actually seen him, although they hadn't spoken, but that hadn't surprised him, they hardly ever spoke these days. The pain he felt when he brought Jesse to the front of his mind and the things that he had said to him when they had been searching for Eliana still hurt so much that it was almost a physical ache.

Steve shook the image away and looked back down at the list of names. Nothing, whatever way he viewed it, he came up with nothing, and yet there had to be something. Unless the whole message was in the timeframe, and the locations were picked at random. But if that was the case then Steve had a feeling that they would never solve it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae and Eliana had eaten finger food for lunch. The highchair in the breakfast room was at a convenient height for Rae to just slide her daughter in. Then she had made some Marmite squares for Eliana, silently thanking Michael once again for showing her the Internet site where he purchased all the things he missed from England, and then she had made herself some as well. They had sat at the table and mother and daughter had chatted away to each other, Rae about all the things they would do as the spring arrived, and Eliana about, well, Rae had no idea what she chatted about, but she was making more noises now, and so her 'words' almost sounded like a hesitant conversation.

After lunch Rae had kept her daughter in the high chair and they had played a hide and seek game. Rae had some white chocolate buttons and she would put one on the tray of the chair with a cup over it. Next to it was another cup, and if Eliana lifted the right one she got the candy. They'd had an enjoyable time, and Rae had felt herself relax after her confrontation with Jesse earlier. It was almost a quarter past two before Eliana began to get sleepy and so Rae had carefully taken her out of her chair. She didn't have to raise her right arm very high to do this, because the tray came off the front and that made the whole operation much easier. Rae didn't hold the little girl in any recognised way, but both of them seemed happy with it. With her daughter's soft pudgy arms clasped tightly around her neck Rae made her way towards the nursery. The feeling of the skin against her own was the only thing that Rae could tolerate anywhere near her throat, but when Eliana had first learnt how to hug, it made Rae so happy it had never occurred to her that the child had been hanging round her neck. Only several days later when Jesse had mentioned it, did she realize that it didn't affect her at all, apart from making her very happy.

The terror when it started had surprised and scared Rae. She had put her daughter down for her nap and as she closed the door she felt the beginnings of a panic attack. The overwhelming emotion was one of vulnerability, and Rae needed her husband with her, just to hold her and tell her everything was all right. Rae shut her eyes and leant back against the cool surface of the wall behind her. _He's working, you know where he is, it's fine._ Rae began to chant her own private mantra in her mind. Although she hadn't told anyone, her biggest fear was not knowing where Jesse was and what he was doing, all the time, but she did know where he had gone and what he would be doing now he was there. Everything would be ok. Slowly, Rae felt herself gain control once again, and she began to relax. As her breathing calmed Rae opened her eyes and smiled, she had beaten it, maybe next time her demons wouldn't creep up on her like that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse had arrived at the hospital just in time to be called into action on an accident caused by a drunk driver who had ploughed into a line of people at a bus stop. The injuries had been horrific, and they had lost two people in the trauma suites. Jesse had battled for over twenty minutes on one young man of about twenty-four, but in the end he'd had to admit defeat and pronounce him dead. 

Amanda had been working and had come up from her path lab to supervise the removal of the bodies. She had seen Jesse slumped in trauma one and gone in to see him.

"Jesse, I am so sorry, the nurse told me that you were working on that young man. I'm sure you did all you could."

"I did, I really did, but I just couldn't save him, he was so young Amanda, he had his whole life ahead of him, and one lousy drunk took it away from him!" Jesse slammed his fist down on the gurney he was leaning against "Dammit, sometimes I just hate this job!"

"Jesse!" Amanda couldn't remember Jesse speaking like that before. "Jess, look at me." Amanda placed a hand on either arm and turned her friend towards her. She was getting very worried about him, and she had a feeling that she had good reason. When Ron had been on the phone the night before he told her that Jesse had been calling him trying to find out about the best possible security systems that he could install at his house, whether the FBI had self defence classes for civilians, or if not, whether Ron could get him enrolled on one of his own courses, or give him lessons himself. Now he was losing his temper at work, and that was almost unheard of. It hadn't taken her long to process her thoughts, and she could see that Jesse wasn't going to look at her without more prompting. "Jesse." Amanda knew she was talking to him as she would CJ or Dion but it seemed to work.

"Amanda, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. I just seem to be a little more emotional than usual these days."

"Well, that's hardly surprising. Honey, you have been through more than the rest of us put together. You've survived the most harrowing of times, but you work in a traumatic environment and you are gonna see heartbreak every day. Sometimes you will be able to prevent it, but sometimes, like today, you won't. Look, it's quiet in here for now, how about a cup of coffee and a little talk, huh?"

"Ok, thank you, Amanda." The two friends walked together to the doctor's lounge, and taking a deep breath Jesse began to unburden himself of some of his problems.

"I just want to stay home and keep my family safe, I feel so scared every time I have to leave them someplace, or I have to come to work. Rae is on her own right now, just her and Eliana, and that scares the hell out of me, and I know I am gonna drive her away because she gets so mad when I try to keep her home, and … and I need to call her, right now, just to make sure she is fine." Jesse moved over towards the phone, and Amanda let him go. She watched him, and she could see that he was breathing heavily and trying to get himself to at least sound calm before he called his wife.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had been extremely glad to be able to put her panic attack out of her mind. The journey from the kitchen to the nursery had seemed way longer than usual, and she had wondered whether she was going to make it or not, maybe that had made her feel more vulnerable. But now the little girl was lying in bed, her soft dolly in her hands and as Rae returned to the nursery Eliana's eyelids came gently down, then the beautiful face became serene and relaxed and Rae felt as if her heart would explode with all the love she felt. She quietly shut the door, walked back towards the living room, the peace and quiet enveloping her and making her feel a little more whole, a little more real, and a little more secure in what she could accomplish.

As Rae sat down the phone began to ring and she carefully picked it up. She heard her husband's voice and smiled, the final remnants of her panic attack disappearing with the sound. "Hey, Jess, how's it going?"

Jesse could hear that Rae was fine, and so, instead of telling her that he missed her, or that he was worried about her, he went with what was easiest. "It's busy, I'm busy, but I just wanted to check on you."

"Honey, we're fine, Eliana is asleep and I am just gonna potter around the house, see what new skills I can acquire. Jesse…" Rae paused, he hadn't contradicted her or told her to be careful, and she was concerned.

"I'm still here." 

"I love you, Jess, you do know that, don't you?"

"Oh, yeah, I know that, and I love you too. Now, you go and do your chores, and I'll do mine, I'll see you later."

Rae smiled at the phone, and heard it click, she put the receiver back down and then, having decided what to do next headed for her kitchen.

By the time that Jesse arrived home at half past ten that night Rae was exhausted but extremely pleased with herself. Eliana was in bed, the table was laid in the breakfast room and Rae had made the evening meal all by herself. She knew it was a little late, but Jesse usually ate something when he got in, no matter what time it was, and she hoped that tonight would be no exception. The headlights from his car lit up the window for an instant and then the world was dark again. Rae waited, the only light in the room coming from the candles it had taken her ten minutes to light. She heard the door unlock and then open and close. Carefully Rae made her way into the doorway of the kitchen and watched Jesse shrug himself out of his jacket.

"Rae? Honey, I thought you would be in bed. Are you ok?"

"Yes, Jesse, I'm fine, I waited up to have dinner with you." Rae smiled at him, the love evident in her eyes. "I made it specially."

"Oh, God, Rae, no. I ate in the cafeteria, they had some salad and I just had that. I am so sorry. Can we eat it tomorrow? I don't work tomorrow."

"Yeah, I guess we can heat it up for lunch." Rae moved into the kitchen and blew out the candles. Then with a heavy heart she moved back out into the hallway to see Jesse already heading towards the bedroom. She guessed that now wouldn't be the right time to mention that she was planning on them both going out the following night.


	2. Female Intuition

**Female Intuition**

"No, Rae, we can't both go and leave Eliana with Michael, one of us has to stay here with her instead." Jesse was standing in the doorway to the master bedroom, his arms folded and a determined look on his face. Rae was still in bed, but she was equally determined.

"We haven't been out for ages. We'll only be at Bob's and it'll be a practice run for when we go to the Benefactors Ball." Rae smiled as she thought about the two tickets on the notice board in the kitchen. Some of the money from the Ball was for the paediatric ward at Community General, and, after Eliana had spent two months there, both Rae and Jesse wanted to do anything they could to help them increase their revenue.

"No, Rae, I'm not talking about it any more, my mind's made up, we are **not** going, end of discussion." Jesse turned round and left the room, and Rae, who had no intention of leaving it as it was, got out of bed, slipped her feet into her slippers, and began the slow journey after her husband. He had the definite advantage over her because he was fully mobile as soon as he got up, Rae; on the other hand, had to give her body about an hours notice before she could do anything more than shuffle like an old woman. 

"Jesse Travis, don't you walk away from me, I haven't finished with you yet!" Rae finally arrived in the kitchen where Jesse was making himself his first coffee of the day. He handed Rae an herbal tea without a word and waited for her to speak. "If you want to stay here, then ok, you go ahead and do that, but you are getting seriously antisocial. I, however, will go to Bob's tonight, and I plan to stay for more than twenty minutes. They are my colleagues, and I miss them. I'm a cop not a housewife, Jess; I don't just want to go… I need to go." 

"And it doesn't worry you to go out and see everybody?"

"No, why should it? Because I am crippled at the moment, is that what you mean?" Rae looked at her husband, and saw him shake his head, and then slowly light began to flicker in her brain. "Because of what happened?  Jesse, I'm not scared to leave the house, I never have been, I'm free, and I intend to enjoy my freedom.  I was in jail, Eliana was in the hospital and in both instances it was a situation that couldn't have been avoided. Maybe in my case it should have been anticipated, but we can't stay shut up inside these four walls forever because of what happened, we have to carry on with our lives." Rae's tone was soft as she looked at Jesse.

"And if I can't?" Jesse turned away from his wife's gaze. Suddenly he felt as if she could see right through him.

"Then you have to go and see Lauren, because there is more to life than work and home. Jesse, I want to take Eliana to the beach, to the park…"

"No! No, Rae, you can't!" The panic in Jesse's voice was evident now, and Rae put her mug down and took her husband's hand. Slowly she pulled him closer to her and then she put her right arm round him. 

"Jesse, come and sit in the living room, Eliana is still in her crib, and she will be fine." Rae began to move out of the kitchen as she spoke, and they finally sat together on the sofa. "Jesse, we have to live our own lives. We can't let Levington or Willis dictate to us what we can and can't do. Eliana is almost ten months old. She should be going to a play group, she should be able to sit on the beach and feel the sand, or go to the park and watch the squirrels. I will not let that be taken away from her or us."

"Rae, no, it's too dangerous, anything could happen, to you, to our baby. I wish that I could afford to stop working so that I could be with you all the time, but I can't. So I have to know that you are here, safe and sound while I am away. Promise me, Rae, promise me that you won't take her anywhere without me." Jesse was grasping Rae's arm now, and the desperation in his voice almost broke her heart, but slowly, and she hoped with some compassion she ignored her own pain, and shook her head.

"No, Jess, I can't promise you that. I will not keep her locked up in this house, so that it becomes her prison. She is a normal, happy, healthy little girl, and she needs to be brought up in a normal, happy, healthy environment. We moved to a gated community so that we would be safe I don't plan to do anything more than that."

"But she got in. Louise Willis got in here; she took your jewellery and the knife that she used to kill two people and stab Mark with, how safe is that? Maybe we should move. There are other places we could live. You wanted to go to London, maybe we could do that."

"Jesse, stop it. I don't want to move, I love living here. I don't want to go back to London, and if you started thinking rationally, you wouldn't either. Ok, she got in, but only because I left my purse at Bob's, and then the day that Texas was here, I left the patio doors open and she was able to enter that way, but the house is more secure now than it was then, it won't happen again."

Jesse ran his hands through his hair. He knew that the discussion was going to go nowhere, because he didn't agree with Rae, not one little bit. The thought of his daughter going to the park or the beach sent waves of panic through him. He was glad that Rae couldn't drive at the moment, at least that way she was dependent on him, and could only go places if he took her, or someone came and picked her up.

As Rae watched him she could see him thinking, and worrying and she knew that she hadn't reached him at all, and that she was going to have to compromise. "Jesse, will you take Eliana over to see Mark and Michael, drive me to Bob's, come in, have a drink and see the guys, then you can head back to Texas's place, stay there, or come home it's up to you. Steve will run me home, or somebody will when I am ready to leave… And don't say I won't be safe, I will be surrounded by homicide cops."

"Rae… I'll think about it, ok?" Jesse tried a smile, but just then they both heard Eliana begin to stir, and Rae knew that there would be no more conversation for a while.

There hadn't been many jobs that needed doing and so while Jesse was playing with his daughter Rae had got out the file that Steve had given her, and making herself comfy on the sofa had begun to look through it. She had quickly learnt that if she held any pieces of paper or books in her left hand she could use her right hand to turn the pages or, even though she was naturally left handed, mark down any notes she needed to make. Her writing, once neat and small was now appalling, but she had always written everything down, and that hadn't changed.

Rae read through everything, and then slowly a smile crossed her face. She knew that her immediate thoughts were usually worth noting down, and so she began to write. When Jesse came in with a cup of tea a little while later, Rae was still writing, although it was slow going, because she had to use her right hand.

"What are you doing?" Jesse hadn't realised that Rae was working; he had though she was just relaxing.

"Looking over the case that Steve gave me yesterday. He thought I might be able to help, and I think he was right." Rae looked up and smiled. She couldn't believe the difference working, actually working and contributing to a case, was making to her. "I have a few ideas, and I can talk to Steve about them tonight. I think that I have found the link that he was looking for. Would you like to see?" Rae hoped with all her heart that Jesse would say yes, but she saw him shake his head, and turn to leave the room. 

"No, thank you, I have to go and get the lunch ready. I will heat up your lasagne from last night, and make a salad, that'll be ok won't it?"

"It sounds lovely, give me five minutes and I'll come and help you." Rae put her notes inside the folder, and with a sigh she carefully got to her feet. She had a feeling that it would be a long time before she got her happy and carefree husband back, and even longer again before Steve had him tagging along on cases once more.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time it got to half past seven that night Rae was changed and ready to go for an evening with her friends and colleagues. She had made up the diaper bag for Eliana's trip to stay with Michael, and Jesse was grudgingly putting the little girl into her car seat.

The drive to Beverley Hills was very quiet. Rae knew that Jesse was hating every minute of it, and part of her wanted to give in, let him turn the car round and head for home, but she knew that if she did she wouldn't really be helping Jesse in any way. By the time they arrived outside Texas's house Eliana was fast asleep, and Jesse carefully took her out of the car, and then as Michael opened the door, straight into the house.

It took Rae ten minutes to get Jesse back out onto the driveway, but she had allowed herself twenty, so that wasn't a problem. What was a problem was the fact that by the time they arrived at Bob's Jesse hadn't spoken a word apart from calling out to Michael that he had his cell phone on him as they had drawn away from the house.

Rae got out of the car, and couldn't believe how excited she was over an evening at a barbeque restaurant with a bunch of cops. 

Jesse came round the car and looked at his wife. He could see the life in her eyes, and for a moment he was glad that they had come. Rae moved a little closer and then she leant towards him and kissed him gently on the lips. "I love you, Jesse, and I want to be with you as well as my friends tonight, please."

"I'll try, Rae, but I just feel so … powerless when Eliana isn't with me, I need to know that she is safe every minute."

Rae moved her hand up and ran her finger down Jesse's face. The movement was very painful, and she had to will herself not to show too much of it in her eyes, but she needed to have some sort of physical contact to make him realise that she was there for him.

Jesse carefully took Rae's hand and lowered it back down so that he could hold it in his own, and they walked slowly into Bob's. 

Jo was sitting at her normal place at the counter, an almost empty glass of wine in front of her. Rae smiled and together they moved over towards her. "Rae, Jesse, I am so glad that you could make it. How is every little thing?"

"Not too bad, we just saw Mark when we dropped Eliana off, and I thought he looked much better than yesterday."

"He has been fine all day. Maybe he was right, an' Steve's chilli was to blame after all. Jesse, Honey, how are you tonight?"

"What, oh, ok. Yeah, I'm ok." Jesse had been miles away; in fact Rae knew exactly how many miles. As she went to speak she saw him check his watch.

"Jesse, we have been here less than five minutes. Now, maybe you could buy me a drink. Steve is just up there. I will have a mineral water, please." 

With a shake of his head Jesse moved a little further up the counter and waited to be served. Rae and Jo both looked on expectantly to see whether either man would talk to the other, but another employee came over, obviously eager to serve his boss, and then the two friends each felt the other deflate. Rae and Jo had talked at length on the phone about the fact that Steve and Jesse were avoiding each other, but neither had been able to see any solution to the problem. They knew that forcing the two of them together wouldn't work. Rae had told her friend that Jesse had gone to see Steve, but that although he had said nothing very much about it, she was sure it had been a disaster. Since the court case had finished Jesse had been avoiding social contact with everybody except his immediate family, and Steve was just avoiding contact with Jesse. 

There was a huge black man sitting at the counter, and although he was obviously a cop, Rae didn't recognise him. She saw Steve begin to talk with him, and then turned her attention to her friend.

The man's name was Don Werner and Steve had known him for years. They had been in vice together when Steve had just made detective. When Steve had been transferred to homicide ahead of Don, in spite of the other man's seniority, Don had been a really good sport about it. Steve had appreciated the man's good will, but he had always had a niggling feeling that Don was bitter about it. So he felt a little awkward about what he was saying. "I know that it's full of cops, it's the homicide cops night. I hold one every now and then, if you want one done for vice, let me know… but…it's a private party, Don, that's why the closed sign was up. Everybody kicked in a few bucks, and it just wouldn't be fair … So …"

"So now I have to leave?" Don looked at him and shook his head.

"I'm sorry. Do you mind?"

"Do I mind?  Do you feel guilty asking me to leave? I guess the answer to both questions is no. But, will I return? Have you lost a customer? I guess the answer to those questions is, you'll have to wait and see." He got up then and with a smile turned and left the restaurant.

Rae watched as Jesse placed the drink order, and then she turned to Jo. "Texas, we have to do something about this, I want my husband back. He is hurting so much, and I just can't get to him. This morning we got a little closer, but nothing was solved, and I know that talking about things didn't help Jesse, not one little bit. In the past he has always had Steve to talk to, and this time he hasn't."

"Honey, we will get there, Steve misses him, I know he does, but I think that he is waitin' for Jesse to come to him. I have to say that Steve didn't do anythin' to cause this, an' he feels that Jesse should make the first move. Partly, I think, because he has no idea what reaction he'll get if he tries himself."

"Texas, I don't know what reaction he'll get either, but sooner or later one of them has got to make the first move, their friendship is too precious to the both of them for it to be lost." Rae stopped talking as Jesse came back towards them. He had the mineral water for Rae and a soda for himself, but he had nothing for Jo. Rae couldn't believe what she was seeing, and she knew that something had to be done to get her husband back before he was lost for good. 

Jesse lasted another fifteen minutes, and by the time he began to shuffle Rae just wanted him to go home so she could relax and enjoy herself. She turned with a forced smile and began to speak. "Jesse, you can go, I won't keep you here, but please, just go and say Hi to Steve first."

"No, Rae, I need to get home, and he is awful busy. I'll call him in the week. Jo, I'll see you soon, you look after yourself."

"You too. Jesse, we are all worried about you, if you need to talk you know where I am, an' more importantly where Steve is, we will always listen, you know that too, I hope." Jo put her hand on Jesse's arm, and gave it a gentle squeeze. 

"I do know, and thank you, but I'm fine, everybody seems to think that there is something wrong with me, but there isn't, I just want to keep my family safe." Jesse put his glass back down on the counter, kissed Jo and then Rae on the cheek before walking out of the restaurant without a backward glance, and Rae knew that his mind was already on his daughter and getting her back home.

Steve watched Jesse's back as he left the restaurant, and he put his order pad down and went out to the rear of the restaurant for a few minutes to get some air. He had been so sure that tonight, in the relaxed atmosphere of Bob's, Jesse would have at least spoken to him, but he hadn't even made eye contact, and Steve realised with an aching heart that he was witnessing the death of the best friendship he had ever had. 

Steve stayed in the cool night air for longer than he had planned, but for a while nothing mattered to him but the things he had lost. He would be the first to admit that when he had first met him, Steve had thought Jesse was more of a nuisance than anything else, but gradually he had begun to look forward to his visits, to value the things that he said, and by the time they were trapped together in the ruins of Community General hospital he knew that his life was fuller because Jesse was in it. And now it was emptier again because Jesse wanted no part of his life any more and as much as Steve wanted to go and speak to him and try to get it back to where it used to be, he just knew that Jesse would turn him down, and the hurt that he felt from everything that Jesse had said when Eliana was missing would just be multiplied until Steve would be unable to see his goddaughter or Rae unless it was by accident.

Steve could still see Jesse's anger and hear the venom in his words if he shut his eyes. How could he have thought that he wasn't doing everything he could to get the little girl back? He loved her as if she was his own, and he had thought Jesse knew that. Steve turned round and kicked out at the nearest thing to him and a metal trashcan flew across the yard and hit the sidewall. Then with a grunt he moved over kicked at it again, and moved back inside the restaurant.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

For a little while Rae stayed chatting with Jo, but then she spotted somebody that she really needed to see, sitting towards the back of the restaurant, and she excused herself and made her way to the table in question.

Cheryl watched as Rae came towards her and wished that she were near the fire exit. Then she shook her head. Rae was her friend, or had been, and she needed to know if that was still the case. Martin was sitting next to her, and he placed his hand over hers, and gave it a gentle squeeze. Cheryl smiled at him, and then moved her hand away. They hadn't told anybody that they had begun seeing each other outside of work, and it was so fresh and new right now that they had no intention of sharing it with anybody.

Martin stood up as Rae approached and helped her to slide in next to Cheryl. Rae smiled at both of them, and then she put her left hand, which was resting on the table, over Cheryl's. "Hi, I guess we need to talk, don't we?"

"Yeah, I guess we do. Rae, I am so sorry, I never meant for you to get hurt, and to not be able to do all the things you can't do any longer, I was just doing my job…" Cheryl swallowed hard.

"Shhh. I know you were, and that was what scared me the most. You're a good cop, Cheryl, and so am I. I knew that the evidence was piled up against me, and I knew that if it went to trial I would get convicted. But I never, ever blamed you, or anybody else at the precinct for, what was happening to me."

"But, Rae, look at yourself, you can't move your left arm, you walk so slowly and painfully that it hurts to just watch you, right now, you are disabled…"

"Do you think that I don't know that?" Rae interrupted her friend, but her voice was soft. "Every day when I finally manage to get out of bed I see myself in my dressing table mirror as I move across the room, I can't brush my hair or my teeth, and I am totally reliant on other people to get around, but there is nothing that I can do to change that, and life is way to short to hold a grudge. If people didn't hold them, then I would still be whole." Rae could feel a lump forming in her throat but she managed to push it back down. She knew that her eyes were shining with unshed tears, but she also knew that they wouldn't fall. 

Martin leant across and put his hand over Rae's. "What happened to you was wrong, Rae. Even though you were a cop and in jail, it shouldn't have happened. You need to do something to get recompense for that."

"Yeah, Gilbert said that, and maybe I will, but right now, my family is more important to me, and my friends. Cheryl, I get the feeling that you have been avoiding me, just a little, am I right?" Rae had called the station a few times to ask to speak with her friend, and the calls had never been returned. In the end Rae had realised that she would need to speak with Cheryl directly, and when Steve had mentioned this evening she knew her chance would come.

"Rae, have you ever arrested the wrong person, and had them sent to jail?" Cheryl moved her hand from under Rae and Martin's and waited for a reply.

"I don't know. I have had people found not guilty, so I guess I have, but I have never arrested anybody who I thought was innocent, no. But I think that now, if I ever get the chance, I will be even more careful."

"Well, that makes two of us. Rae, you saved my life when we were working the docks, you are a very good cop, and you are truthful and respected. I knew all of those things, but I couldn't see beyond the evidence, Martin could. He kept telling me that you couldn't possibly have killed or hurt anyone, whatever the evidence against you, but I wouldn't see it. I am truly, truly sorry." Cheryl was aware of the tears behind her own eyes now, and she willed them not to fall. She looked over at Martin and was relieved to see him smile at her.

"I know that, and we will get past this. You need to get rid of the guilt, and not see my disabilities every time you look at me, because until you can do that I don't think you can let yourself be friends with me. Cheryl, I don't look at you and see someone who is responsible for who I am right now, but when you look at me you do feel responsible, don't you?" Cheryl just nodded, and Rae continued to talk. "Well, I think that between you and your new young man, you should be able to get over that, right, Martin?" Rae smiled and it turned into a laugh as the two people sitting either side of her just gaped at her. "Hey, I'm still a detective, I know these things." Rae enjoyed the moment, and then owned up. "I saw Martin holding your hand as I came across; I guess you don't want people to know, huh?"

"No, not yet, it's too soon. Rae, you are a better friend than I deserve, thank you." Cheryl eased Rae into an embrace and Rae returned it gratefully. As they hugged, and she knew nobody else would hear her Rae began to talk again. 

"Don't let this affect you too much, Cheryl, your instincts are good, you need to go with them."

"Thank you, Rae. I don't think I could be as generous." Cheryl pulled back then, and looked into the eyes of the woman in front of her. 

"Sure you could, now, I have to go find that partner of mine, and help him solve the drive bys. I'll talk to you later."

"You have an idea? He's been climbing the walls on this one. Have you found the link?" Martin looked at Rae, and this time he knew her eyes were shining with excitement and the feeling of belonging.

"I think so. Of course, it could be just so obvious that he has already dismissed it. He gave me no indication of any of the things he has already come up with. The timeline was easy, that I saw straight away, and then the other link just followed on. But I'll tell him first. That way if he laughs at me, you two will never know about it!" Rae winked at them both then and waited while Martin got up and gently helped her to her feet. As she began her slow journey across the room Cheryl took a deep breath. Every time Rae was inactive, even for a short time it was apparent that she had to get used to moving once again. Martin looked at her and, realising that she too was hurting, pulled her close to him. 

"I don't think I care who sees, you need a hug."

"Yeah, I do, and partners hug, look at Rae and Steve; he even calls her honey and gets away with it." As Cheryl gratefully accepted the arms of her new boyfriend, she watched Rae reach where Steve was standing. She gently touched him and he turned, his face breaking into a warm and affectionate smile as he saw who it was and then Rae too was taken into a strong and loving embrace.

Steve moved back from hugging Rae and smiled at her again. "Rae, can I get you another drink?"

"That would be nice, thanks, then I need to speak with you about drive bys." Rae couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face, and she watched her partner carefully as he began to realise what she meant.

"Really? You've found something haven't you, something that I missed, that we all missed? Hey, George, Dennis, you got a minute?"

George Bannister was sitting with Campbell and his wife. Rae smiled a slightly sadder smile. She had known that his partner wouldn't be with him tonight. She still couldn't remember his name, but any departmental get together, and George always came alone.

"Dennis, I never knew his first name, well, there you go, he doesn't look a Dennis does he? That was the name of our dustbin van in London."

"What?" Steve looked at Rae; sometimes she was so far out of the loop that he worried about her. "The name of what?"

"Our dustcart, was made by, I don't know who, but it had Dennis on its bonnet, sorry, its hood. I guess I went off at a bit of a tangent there didn't I?"

"I would say so. Hi, fellas, listen, Rae thinks she may have something on these drive by shootings."

"It doesn't involve dumpsters does it? Only I have had it with trash." It was Campbell who spoke, still remembering how long he'd had to spend in a dumpster recently, and for a moment Rae looked at Steve, and he at her, and they had to stifle the laugh that was desperate for escape.

"Ah, no, no, not rubbish. I think that if you list the locations you get all the ingredients for a special date."

"A what? A date, somebody is killing people because of a date?" Steve's voice was incredulous, and he knew that if Rae was right, he would never have thought of it.

"Just hold on a moment, ok? Let me finish what I was going to say. I have been thinking about this all day, and I need to get it right. I don't think it would be just any date, but a special one. There was a jewellers involved remember, and Mario's isn't just any pizza place, I called it today, it's quite pricey. You have a dress shop, a shoe store, a taxi place, all the things you would need for a special date. Even a florist for flowers, or a corsage, or whatever. I think that it is a special date gone bad. It must have gone bad because …" Rae stopped talking, she suddenly realised that George was looking quite ill. "George are you all right?"

"No, suddenly I feel quite light headed; I think I need to go sit for a while." George backed away from them and sat at the nearest table, and Rae moved across to him.

"Did you eat today?" Rae suddenly remembered the name of George's partner. "Do you want me to call Joseph and get him to come take you home?"

"No, no, I was busy at the station until six, and I knew I was coming here, and well, you know how good the ribs are, but I'm still waiting for my serving to come. Rae, I'm sorry, you need to carry on talking, I can hear you from here."

Rae looked up and saw Steve bringing over a bread roll, split and buttered, which he gave to George, and then Dennis came over as well, and suddenly they were all sitting round a table, rather than standing at the counter. 

"I have to say, Rae, that I think you might have cracked it, but why a date gone bad?" Dennis looked at the English woman sitting across from him. He had the utmost respect for her, and was delighted to be working with her, even in this limited capacity.

"Because, if it hadn't gone bad why kill people? I don't know if the perp was aiming to kill people, or just shoot up the places on the list, but she sure succeeded."

"She? You think the shooter is a she?" Once again Steve's voice showed his amazement.

"Oh yeah, no doubt about it. Steve, look at Texas, she has a wonderful deep cherry red top on, do you know where she bought it?"

"Do **I** know where she bought it? No, I have no idea." Steve shook his head.

"Dennis, your wife is wearing a navy blue velvet dress; do you know where she got that from?"

"Nope, not a clue." Dennis looked across, he hadn't realised that his wife was in blue tonight. As he brought his attention back to the matter in hand he saw Steve begin to smile and knew that he realised what Rae was getting at.

"I bought this shirt last time Jesse and I went shopping. He stood in the shop with Eliana while I went and tried it on. He would have no idea where I got it. It has to be a woman because a dress shop was targeted. Gentlemen, I rest my case. I have no idea who did it, but I know why." Rae smiled at the three men with her, George was still grey, but he was slowly eating his way through the roll, and she knew that he would be ok soon.

"What about the timeline, why that pattern?" Steve looked at Rae, and found that he was enjoying the discussion almost as much as she was.

"Why not?" Rae would have shrugged her shoulders if she was able. "It got you trying example after example. None of them worked because there was no pattern to the stores and businesses, they were all part of an occasion, and so she just had a little fun with the days of the shootings, which had you jumping at shadows as far as location was concerned. Which is another reason why it has to be a woman, no man would have ever come up with that." Rae stuck her tongue out at her companions and then sat in satisfied silence while they all took in what she had said.

"And now you are gonna go home, and leave us to solve it, right?" Steve looked at his partner, knowing full well that that wasn't going to happen.

"Oh no, I need to get my case solved figures up, you can e-mail me everything that you have and I will go over it with a fine toothed comb. But you will have a problem finding out the name of the shooter, because very few people pay for a cab with a credit card, maybe she doesn't even own a card and pays everything cash; if that's the case then there will be no link. Also, we have no idea when the date happened, so you will need to go back a fair way. But we will find her, we, Lieutenant, because I intend to be right there, even if it is only in spirit, when you arrest her."

Steve looked at his partner once again, and knew that unless he wanted his life to be hell for the next six months, he had better keep her fully informed. "Yes, Ma'am."


	3. Tears before Bedtime

**Tears Before Bedtime**

Steve and Jo had driven Rae home just after eleven, and she had asked them in for coffee, but they had both declined. All the lights except the one in the hallway were off, and Rae knew that Jesse had put both himself and their daughter to bed. She slowly let herself into the house, and as she shut the door on her friends, all the exhilaration of the evening left her, and she just felt the desperateness of her situation overwhelm her. Stumbling slightly because of the tears in her eyes Rae made her way to the living room where she fell onto the couch and just sobbed until she had no energy left to cry any more.

It was almost half past two before Rae had gone into the bedroom. Normally Jesse helped her get undressed, especially when she was wearing jeans like she was at the moment. She didn't want to wake him up, so she went quietly into the master bathroom and, shutting the door behind her, she managed to slowly get ready for bed. As Rae finally lay down the light on the ceiling told her that the time was 3:09. The figure clicked over to 10 and she waited for sleep to claim her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve and Jo hadn't hurried their drive home; instead they had enjoyed the lights from the city around them and just being each other. Steve had put Jesse's behaviour out of his mind. "I missed you while I was working nights; they really muck up a home life don't they?"

"Oh, so you noticed that then?" Jo had smiled. "As much as I like havin' the bed to myself, it is much more … user friendly, when you are there too."

"Jo!" Steve couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped him, "And there was me thinking beds were for sleeping in." 

They drew up outside the house then, and waited while the garage door opened. Once Steve had parked they entered the house through the laundry room, and quietly, taking their shoes off as they did so, headed up to the bedroom. 

As Jo sat at her dressing table, brushing her hair she watched Steve in the glass enjoying the sight of him as he removed his clothes. She sometimes had to pinch herself when she realised that he loved her just as much as she loved him. As the hair brush got caught in a tangle Jo took her eyes away from the mirror to try and extricate it, and so was unaware of him coming up behind her.

"Here, let me help you." Steve took the offending article out of her hands and gently removed it from her hair, then he began to brush with it himself, and for a few minutes there was total silence as Steve enjoyed the feeling of her hair, and Jo the tranquillity that she always felt when somebody else did that to her. Once Steve could see Jo relaxing he put the brush down and moving the hair away from her neck began to kiss her there, gently at first, but gradually with more passion.

Jo let him do it for a moment and then she turned slightly and with a smile in her voice began to speak. "An' I would guess that someone isn't tired then?"

"Ah, no, sorry, I'm still in my other time frame, but you can go to sleep if you want." He knew that there was no sincerity whatsoever in his words.

"Oh, yeah, right, an' what makes you think I am any more tired than you are?" Jo ran one long, deep red fingernail down her lover's chest, and felt him shiver under her touch. She moved on down and taking his shorts in both hands pulled on them until he was standing naked before her. "Maybe you had better show me what you planned to do with your night then."

Before Jo could say another word Steve scooped her up in his strong arms and carried her over to the bed. She lay there looking up into his deep blue eyes, and then felt her underclothes being removed. As Steve leant over and began to kiss her passionately on the lips Jo ran her hands down over his strong muscular back and almost screamed with pleasure as he began to kiss and lick at her nipples. She took her hands off his body and moved them over her head so that she could hold on to the bed frame as she gave herself up to him. His hands moved gently as he tickled and traced patterns across her skin, and she felt his tongue move gradually further and further down until he was kissing the mound of curly hair at the top of her legs. "Oh, God, Honey, that's wonderful, but let me play with you, before I can't control myself any longer."

Steve needed no encouragement and he instantly let her alone and rolled over onto his back. Jo lay on her side and kissed the tip of his nose. "You could have stopped slowly, maybe I should just wait until you are ready to beg."

Steve just smiled and put a hand behind her head, pulling her towards him and beginning to kiss her with a fervour and an energy that showed just how much he wanted her. As Jo moved closer to him she could feel his hardness press up against her, and she began to rock her body against his, moving away from his lips so that she could press kisses across his chest at the same time. Their movements became quicker and more frenzied, and suddenly Steve pulled away, and she opened her legs and let him enter her without a sound. The rhythm was quickly re-established, and soon both of them were on the verge of plunging together. "Jo, now, Baby, oh, God, now." 

The words were all Jo needed, she felt her body explode at the same time as Steve's, and everything else ceased to exist as they fell together into the most wonderful place on earth.

They both lay, the sweat shining on their bodies, entwined together for a long while, there were no words, or actions, the fact that they were together was all they needed. But slowly Steve became aware that he did need to talk, that he had to ask her something so important that nothing would stop him from speaking. "Jo, Honey, are you awake?"

"Mmm, I am, I love the feelin's you leave me with, an' I am just lyin' here enjoyin' them, why?"

"Because I need to ask you a question, to talk something over with you."

"What now? At one in the mornin'?"

"Yes, now, at one in the morning, I need to ask you, Jo, will you marry me on Easter Saturday?"

"Oh, my… Oh, Steve, yes, I will, that would be just wonderful." Jo played with the diamond ring on her finger. Although they had been engaged for a little while, neither of them had mentioned a date for the wedding, but she knew that Easter Saturday would be just right.

"I love you, Jo, I just love you so much." Steve found her lips again, and, his question answered, began to make love to her once again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse woke up with the alarm at eight the next morning and looked over at his wife, who was fast asleep beside him. He quickly shut the ringing beast off, and continued to watch her face, which, free from the pain of her waking hours, was relaxed and peaceful. He had to stop himself from touching her, because he didn't want to disturb her. There was no sound coming from the nursery, and so, hoping that his luck would hold, he headed for the shower. 

As Jesse stood there, the water beating down on him he went over the previous evening again. He knew that he should have at least acknowledged Steve, but he couldn't. Every time he saw him his courage failed, and he turned tail and ran. Jesse shook the water out of his eyes and then turned the shower onto pulse, feeling the water as it beat harder against him. Why was it that apologising to someone you loved was so much harder than apologising to someone who didn't mean so much to you? He grabbed the shower gel, and began to lather himself all over, as he did so the unmistakable smell of mandarin rose up to greet him, and he realised that he had picked up the wrong one. It was another five minutes before Jesse became resigned to the fact that he would smell like a fruit salad all day and turned the water off. 

Jesse walked back into the bedroom, drying his hair with a towel as he went. Rae was awake and moving herself tentatively up the bed as he entered. "Here, let me help you." Jesse was by her side in a few strides, but was instantly concerned as Rae's face went deathly pale.

"Jess, I'm gonna be sick!" Rae couldn't even move her hand up to her mouth, and Jesse, with panic resting just over his shoulder, picked up the waste basket and held it out for her. A few minutes later, she looked up at him, tears in her eyes from the exertion her actions had caused. "Thank you. Oh, God." Rae flopped back onto the pillow and Jesse sat next to her.

"Rae, Honey, are you all right?"

"No, Jesse, I just threw up last night's barbeque, do I look all right?"

"I want you to go see Wil, let him check you over." Jesse was worried about her. The peaceful look had gone to be replaced by no colour and a sadness, which he hadn't seen there for a long time.

"I'll be ok, Jesse, George was feeling rough last night, I expect I just caught something from him."

"Rae, please, you've been so ill, let me get you checked over, I can drive you myself, and bring you home, I'm not due in until one again today."

Rae looked at her husband and she could see none of the, nowadays, normal panic, but just the concern of someone who loved her. "Ok, thank you, Sweetheart."

Jesse had woken up their daughter, and fed her a quick breakfast. Rae had wanted nothing but plain water, and so it hadn't taken them long to get out of the house. Rae had been sick once more just after she had got out of bed, but nothing since then. 

The Travis family had walked slowly into the ER, and Jesse, who had his daughter in his arms, had been relieved to see Shannon on duty. "Doctor Travis, Detective Yeager, is there something wrong?"

Rae sank wearily down onto one of the waiting chairs, and wished she had slept better. She hated being sick, but when you hadn't gotten much sleep it was always worse. 

"My wife is feeling really bad, and I wondered whether Wil or someone could check her over."

"Of course, he's in with a patient right now; will you be able to wait a while?" Shannon looked over at Rae as she spoke, and saw her nod her head slightly. "And this little one, hey, Sweetie, how are you today?" Eliana wasn't quite sure who the lady in front of her was, and her chin shook a little bit, and then big tears filled her eyes. "Oh, Baby, I'm sorry, I guess you don't remember me, huh?"

Jesse ran his hand over the back of Eliana's head. The curls were growing back now, and her hair wasn't the constant reminder of her ordeal that it had been when she had first been returned to them. He watched as Shannon held out her hand, and then tentatively Eliana did the same.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve and Jo had eaten a relaxed and happy breakfast together with Mark and they had told him of their plan to be married at Easter. Steve had been delighted to see the twinkle return to his dad's eyes as they discussed the various things that had to be arranged, and Michael, upon learning of the date, had begun to make up lists in the kitchen.

Steve had gone for his usual run after breakfast, Mark had a dentist appointment and Michael was going to drop him off, and then return for him later. Jo, left to her own devices, had put a call through to Rae to tell her the news and ask her whether she would be her maid of honour, but there was no reply, and, hoping that the Travis's had gone out somewhere together as a family, she had retired to the morning room to go through her gardening magazines to try and work out a theme for her garden so that it would be able to play its part in her wedding.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As Steve pounded the streets on a run that was now as familiar to him as the one he used to take along the beach he began to plan his own parts of the wedding. The fact that Jo had agreed so readily had thrilled him beyond measure, and after the fun that everyone had had in the run up to Rae and Jesse's wedding he was already delighted about his own. As he thought about Jesse his excitement died a little. There was no one else he would want to be his best man other than Jess. Maybe he could ask Ron, but he knew that the gesture would be seen for what it was; Ron would be the second choice. Steve thought back to the night before. Rae had been so animated, so delighted to be there, joining in with the discussions, the laughter and the jokes, and he knew that she had made her peace with Cheryl, so why couldn't Jesse make peace with him? 

A car horn suddenly split the air, and Steve realised that he was just about to run straight off the sidewalk without looking. He slammed on his own brakes, and tried a friendly wave to the passing motorist, but he wasn't surprised when he got a rude gesture in return. Steve knew that he shouldn't be running if he couldn't concentrate on it, and so he turned and began to jog back the other way.  Jesse's face came up in his mind again; he hadn't even made eye contact with him the other night. He wanted the friendship back, not like it was, he knew that could never be, but he missed Jesse, and he wanted to be able to share his wedding plans with him, as Jesse had done when he was getting married. 

The unfairness of it all hit Steve like a bullet. He had been looking over half his life to find the right person to marry, and now one of the main players would be missing, and more than that, he knew how loyal Rae was, and that meant that neither she nor Eliana would be there either. This final injustice came to him just as he arrived back at the gates to the house, and he ran in through the garage and the laundry room and straight up the stairs, not even slowing down to see where Jo was.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo sat in the morning room and watched Steve's back as it disappeared up the stairs, and then she heard the unmistakable sound of the bedroom door being slammed shut. With a sigh she got to her feet and walked out into the entry hall, but not really knowing what to do or say she headed for the comfort of the living room and curled up in one of the big burgundy winged chairs. The sun had just begun to shine through the windows of the room, and it was still very chilly, so Jo got up again and pulled the throw from the back of the sofa and wrapped it round herself.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The water cascading down over Steve did nothing to calm him, in fact he realised that he was beginning to feel sorry for himself, and that was not an emotion he was used to. "Dammit, Jesse, we have to work this out, before it's too late." The words came out as a plea, but he knew that there was no one around to hear him, and swallowing down the feelings of self-pity he turned the water onto cold and tried to shock himself into life.

Once he had got dressed Steve headed for the living room, where he found Jo wrapped up and looking so soft and cuddly that for a while his mood was forgotten. He knelt in front of her and kissed her gently on the nose.

"Hey, you were a bit of a sour puss when you got back from your run, are you ok now?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, I just had a few things on my mind, I'll get over it." Steve picked up the TV remote and channel hopped for a while. The sports channels which were his usual choice had nothing on that interested him, and in the end he just kept going up one channel, watching it for a minute or two and then moving on to the next one. His mind, no longer occupied with anything more trivial than who knew the winning question in Final Jeopardy returned to his main problem, Jesse and his wedding. Whatever way he looked at it, unless he apologised for something that he hadn't done, none of the Travis's would be present when he and Jo got married. With a sigh he dropped the remote onto the coffee table and stood up.

Jo, who had, for various reasons, not got much sleep the previous night, was just nodding off when the noise made her jump. "What? Steve, Honey, are you sure you're all right?"

"I didn't mean to startle you, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it, I should go upstairs if I want to sleep."

Steve could feel the thoughts inside his head slowly eating into him and his mood was getting worse. He didn't want to take anything out on Jo; all he wanted to do was speak with Jesse. In the end he headed to the phone in the hallway, picked it up and dialled Jesse's number, after Steve had let it ring out until it was more than obvious that no one was there he slammed the receiver back onto its rest. He couldn't even get through to try and sort things out.

Without really thinking of the consequences of his actions Steve went through into the kitchen and took a beer from the refrigerator. 

"I would have got that for you, Sir, if you had asked. Although if you don't mind me mentioning it, it is a little early, maybe some of the freshly squeezed orange juice, which is just next to the beer bottles on the bottom shelf?" Michael had put down his pen, and his spectacles were now hanging on their chain around his neck. On the table in front of him were two pieces of paper. The first had the weekly shopping list on it, and the second was the first of undoubtedly many lists ready for the upcoming wedding.

"Michael, I just want a beer. As someone once said it's always five o'clock somewhere in the world, so just leave me be, ok?" Steve hoped that the slight iciness in his tone would put the butler on his guard, and was relieved when the Englishman just nodded his head and returned to his paperwork.

Steve moved out into the garden and looked around him. This was where they would get married, hopefully the sun would shine down on them, Jo would look beautiful, and his dad would be so proud. Steve shook the memory away, he couldn't think about it without putting Jesse in the equation, and at the moment he had no business there.

Jo could see Steve's shadow as it moved across her garden, and she knew that he was hurting about something. Slowly she got to her feet and put her throw on the chair. She moved out into the garden and wrapped her arms around Steve from behind and rested her head on his back. "Honey, you need to unburden yourself, somethin' is wrong an' unless you tell me, I can't help you."

"Jo, just leave it, ok. I will deal with it myself." He had no idea exactly how to deal with it himself, but all of a sudden he didn't want to share.

"Ok, you know where I am if you need me. But today is supposed to be a happy day, a day when we begin to plan for our life together, an' instead you are shuttin' me out."

Steve resisted the temptation to let his anger take flight, and instead shrugged himself out of Jo's grasp and headed indoors. He grabbed the remote control again and began another trip through the channels.

Jo looked at him for a moment, her own anger rising. He had asked her to marry him; he had even set a date, and then bam, nothing! Well, if he thought that was how married life was going to be then he had better think again. Not really knowing what result she would get Jo decided that if Steve wouldn't bring things into the open then she would.

"Darlin' there was nothin' on before you decided to start your drinkin' a little early an' there is nothin' on now, so why don't you either tell me what is on your mind, or find somethin' useful to do. Your daddy will need pickin' up from the dentist before long; maybe you could do that… Which will give us all time to work out just what **is** the matter with you!" Jo hadn't realised that she had spoken her last thought aloud, until she saw Steve's face.

"I have some things on my mind, is all, I told you that. We aren't even married yet and you have begun to nag! Just leave it, Jo."

"Steve!" Jo felt her anger recede as she saw his advance. "Honey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

"Leave it, Jo, just leave it! Maybe with all this wedding stuff on our minds it would be better if I went back to the beach house for a while!"

"Steve, no, please." Jo watched as he strode up the stairs two at a time and for the second time that morning heard her bedroom door slam.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse had wanted to go into the trauma suite with Rae, but she had been adamant that he should wait in the hallway with Eliana. Now, she was lying on the bed, a support behind her back almost identical to the one she used at home, and Wil was examining her from head to foot.

"I threw up Wil; everything else is just as it was." Rae tried a smile, but she still felt awful, and smiling was the last thing she wanted to do.

"I know, but you were due in for an examination tomorrow anyway, the hallways aren't exactly crawling with the sick and injured, and this way I can set my mind at rest, ok?"

Rae had watched him take blood, had provided the required sample in a little bottle, and knew that before long he was going to start to ask questions about how she was feeling.

"So, Rae, how are you feeling, now that things are starting to get back to normal?"

"If I tell you, you won't tell Jesse will you?"

"No, Rae, you know that, but why?" Wil looked concerned; it wasn't the answer he had expected.

Rae was tempted to mention her panic attack, but decided not to. "I went out, last night, just to Bob's, there was an open house for the homicide cops, and I had a great time, I chatted with old friends, I even helped Steve with a case he's working on, it was wonderful."

"Good, it sounds it, so why can't I tell Jesse that?" Wil wasn't just concerned any more he was confused.

"Because, when I got home I lay on the sofa and cried my eyes out for about … well, I have no idea how long for, but it was over three hours before I went to bed. I didn't know I was going to do it, I just shut my front door and began to sob."

There was a tap on the glass, and Shannon came in with a note for Wil, as she left the room he read it and began to smile. "So, I guess your feelings are a bit haywire at the moment, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess they are. I am fed up with being cooped up in the house, although feeling like this it's the only place I want to be, but why did I just go to pieces last night?"

"Well, this might have something to do with it." Wil handed Rae the piece of paper, and watched as her eyes got wide.

"Oh, for goodness sake, you're joking! Oh, I don't believe this!" Rae sat there for a moment, and then another thought struck her. "Oh great, Jesse isn't gonna let me go to the bathroom by myself anymore!"

"Rae, you're pregnant, not made of china, he will be fine."

"That's easy for you to say, still, I will have prenatal classes to attend, at least I can get out of the house for them. I guess I had better go tell him hadn't I?"

"No, not yet, I want to finish my examination first." Wil was very thorough and checked her over completely, he was concerned about the lack of movement still in her left arm, and suggested that she come back in to see a surgeon who specialised in her type of disability.

"But while I'm pregnant I won't be able to have surgery, and Alex said something about three to five months after the injury being the optimum time. Well, it's two and a half months, roughly now, so I will still be in my first tri-mester, and let's face it Wil, I'm not getting any younger, I don't plan to get pregnant again, hell, I didn't plan to get pregnant now."

"I'll look into it all for you, and contact you at home, ok? I would imagine that we could do something after the baby is born, but you're right, you are still in the early stages of this pregnancy, and unless it's life threatening, I wouldn't want you to have a general anaesthetic. Now, your husband is pacing the hallways again, so I guess we had better go and see him."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo gave Steve just about five minutes to calm down and then she had to go and see if he was actually going to do as he had said. Something was hurting and eating away at him, and she wanted to be there for him, just as she tried to be for all those that she loved.

Once she got to the top of the stairs Jo slowed down a little. She wasn't sure what she was going to find, and so she opened the door just a crack, but through it she saw all she needed to see. Steve had actually got a suitcase down from the top of one of the wardrobes, and was trying to sort his stuff out from hers in one of the drawers of the dressing table.

Jo moved into the room, and stood next to the suitcase and waited. Finally after what seemed like an eternity Steve turned, his hands full of socks and shorts, and saw her standing there.

"Honey, this isn't right, don't do this, please. We need to talk; you have to tell me what's wrong. Last night we set the date for our weddin', an' now you are packin' to leave?"

"Jo, please, I can't talk about it."

This time Jo moved over and took the clothes out of his hands, then she gently, but firmly, began to speak. "Yes you can. Because if youshut me out now, then there is no point in us gettin' married. We will be enterin' into a partnership, an' I will expect you to be there for me, to listen when I hurt or I need comfort, or just need to complain about the price of gas, an' I want to be able to do the same for you, but you have to let me."

Steve realised that she was right, and that, by shutting her out, he could very easily destroy everything that they had. He sat on the bed and ran his fingers through his hair. He didn't want to make Jesse sound like the villain of the peace but he also knew that he had to tell it like it was.

"Do you want me to start?" Jo ran her finger down the side of Steve's face and he stared into her eyes. She saw him nod and so, taking a breath, she began to speak. "I would guess that this has somethin' to do with Jesse an' the weddin'. Would I be right?"

Steve nodded again, but the relief that he felt because Jo knew the problem already was enormous, and he found that now he was able to speak.

"It didn't start with the wedding though, you know that don't you? None of this has anything to do with you. It's not your fault."

"I know, but you can't not tell me because of that, or because Rae is my best friend, this is about you, an' you are gonna make yourself ill if you don't talk about it."

Steve pulled her towards him, for a moment before he started to speak he just needed to feel her next to him, let the love she had for him comfort him and make the job easier.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse was just about managing to keep himself from bursting into Rae's trauma room, when the doors began to open and he found himself practically in the arms of Wil Collins. "Rae, are you all right, only you have been in there for so long, and you only have a stomach bug, and … and… I need to shut up, don't I?"

"Honey, we need to go and sit, we could go to the doctor's lounge couldn't we?"

Jesse just nodded mutely, and, with his daughter in his arms, turned and walked down the hallway. Rae smiled a rueful smile, he had left her to make her own way there, but she had the feeling that it was the last taste of freedom she would get for a while.

Jesse waited at the doorway to the doctor's lounge and watched his wife make her way towards him. She was walking slowly and hesitantly, and he could tell that her arms and shoulders were hurting her too. In fact she looked worse now than when she had entered the examination room. As she caught up with him he looked in her eyes, and was concerned by the worry and pain he saw there.

"Rae?"

"Jess, I'm sorry, but I need to sit down. Wil gave me my physical today instead of tomorrow and I feel like I got hit by a truck." Rae eased herself into one of the chairs placed round the coffee table, and rested her arms on its surface. She caught her breath for a while, watching Jesse and Eliana the entire time.

"Rae, what did he say? Did you get this from George?"

"God, I hope not." Rae smiled, at Jesse's comments. She wasn't sure if he knew of George Bannister's sexual preferences and now wasn't the time to discuss it. "Jesse, I'm pregnant."

"Oh, Honey, that's wonderful, just wonderful. You hear that, Eliana, you are gonna have a baby brother or sister." Jesse leant over and kissed his wife on the lips, then he rested his forehead against hers for a moment and they both enjoyed the knowledge that they were going to become four, feeling a little left out their daughter reached up, and taking a handful of hair in each fist pulled hard.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo let Steve just hold her tight for a minute, but then she pulled away. "You need to tell me, Steve, so just start at the beginnin' an' we will work through it together, ok?"

"It started when Eliana went missing, it was the next day, when Ron had come, and we needed to speak with Jesse and get the press conference set up. All Jesse wanted to know was if we had found her, I understood that, it was all I wanted to know too. But when I said that we hadn't and I was sorry, he said 'yeah right.' As if he didn't believe a word I was saying." Steve shook his head, the injustice of it affecting him once again, and he knew that if he wasn't careful he would be carried away by the emotions of a situation since solved, and not be able to focus on what was the matter now. Steve could feel the tears behind his eyes as he thought about his goddaughter, and the fact that Jesse had yelled at him when Rae could hear every word and for a moment he shut his eyes, and one tear escaped him and slid down his cheek.

Jo was horrified, she couldn't believe that her strong and usually so taciturn man was this close to the edge. "Honey, you have to keep talkin', get it out of your system, trust me when I say it helps. I am an expert on keepin' things inside me until they cause you to collapse. We have each other now to stop that from happenin'."

Steve didn't look at her or make any indication that he had heard her speak, but he began to talk again. "He hurt me, Jo, how could he have thought that I wasn't doing everything I could to get that little girl back? He acted as if I didn't care, as if I was treating her just like any other case, like she was a … a stolen bicycle! I did get angry then, and maybe I need to apologise for that, because if he had said one more word and Ron hadn't been there I would have been tempted to knock him right through the wall. It was then that I said that maybe we needed to prepare ourselves for the fact that Eliana may never come back."

"Oh Steve." Jo had known what he said because Rae had explained it to her, but somehow hearing Steve say it himself made it seem even more shocking.

"It was a stupid thing to say, and I know it sounds lame but I didn't even know I'd spoken aloud until I saw Jesse's face."

"No, that doesn't sound lame at all; in fact I just did it myself." Jo tightened her grip on Steve's hand, she knew that there was more to come, and even if it wasn't anything earth shattering, all the pieces together were getting to be more than Steve could bear. "But it was true wasn't it? From what I remember you need to find a missin' child real quick or they are normally lost forever." Jo didn't often refer to her days in the police force, but Steve knew that she was speaking from experience.

"Yeah, it was true; if missing children aren't found right away then they almost never come home." Steve shut his eyes again, even now that he knew his goddaughter was safe and sound with her parents the thought was enough to make his heart beat so hard he was sure that Jo could hear it.

"I guess I shouldn't have said anything, because Jesse just lost it, he acted like he thought I'd already given up, like I wasn't doing enough."

"But that wasn't true, he knew you were doin' everythin' you could."

"Maybe, and if he didn't Ron told him anyway, I can remember what he said … he said 'you know that Steve is doing everything he can, don't you?' and Jesse said … he said …" For a moment Steve couldn't continue. Jesse's answer had almost torn him apart at the time, and to have to repeat it was somehow even worse.

"Steve, Honey, what did he say?" Jo's voice was soft and she pulled him a little closer to her.

"Oh, God, Jo, he said 'no.' He didn't believe me. How could he not? He's my best friend, Rae is my partner, and Eliana, well, my world would stop if she weren't in it." Steve took a deep breath, but he didn't have the energy to continue and for a while he slumped against Jo and took strength from her once again. She just ran her hands gently through his hair, and said nothing, knowing that no words could help him right now.

After a few minutes Steve seemed to shudder slightly and then he sat up straight and began to talk again. "Ron suggested that I tell Jesse everything that was happening. He hadn't left the hospital so he didn't know about the flyers that were everywhere, he hadn't seen a paper so the Captain's press conference was news to him too, but it didn't seem to make any difference. I guess I knew he wouldn't apologise, he was way too worked up for that, but I hoped that he might understand just why I was so … scared."

"Scared? Darlin' we were all scared, scared for that poor little mite an' what that monster might do to her."

"No, I wasn't just scared for Eliana, but scared that I might let them down, all of them. Don't you remember, when Rae asked us to be godparents she said that she knew I would always keep Eliana safe, and then she was gone, and I'd done everything I could, but she was still gone and … and I was so afraid I would never see her again?"

"But we did see her again, and it was you who found her remember, an' then everythin' was fine again?"

"But when we found her she was so sick. Did you know she coded in the ambulance on the way to Valley Hospital? I'd found her, and still I almost lost her.  I don't think I could have forgiven myself if I'd found her alive only to have her be gone before Jesse and Rae could see her again.  Then Jesse came to Fresno and Eliana got better and came home, and I thought things were ok between us at first, but, Jo, after she was home, well, he stopped talking to me."

Jo wanted to interrupt but Steve seemed to be on a roll now, and so she just let him carry on talking.

"Jesse came to see me at Bob's, but he said that Rae told him to apologise, not that he wanted to and now he won't even look at me. You saw him last night, and that was in a room full of people!  I don't think he can forgive me for what I said about maybe not finding her.  He still thinks I wasn't trying hard enough.  I miss him, Jo, but I don't think he'll ever talk to me again. And, and I want him to be my best man, and I don't know what to do if he won't do it. And if Jesse doesn't come then Rae won't and neither will Eliana, and … and it won't be the same without them."

Jo felt him relax against her and she knew that everything was out in the open now. For a few moments she just let him sit there and gather himself back together. She didn't think that his emotions would run away with him again, but she wanted to be sure before she told him what she knew he had to do.

"You know that there is only one solution to this don't you?"

"No, what?" Steve did know, but he needed to hear her say it.

"You have to talk to Jesse. You have to tell him what you have just told me.

"No, Jo, I know I need to talk to him, but I can't tell him everything, I just can't."

"Why, because you will be seen to be weak? Honey, it takes a strong man to confront his fears, an' that is what you will be doin'."

"And what happens if he hates me, sometimes I think he already does."

"Now you are bein' melodramatic, you know nothin' of the sort."

"Maybe…"

"Steve Sloan look at me. You have been through just as much turmoil as Rae an' Jesse. You were scared for that little girl, you just admitted as much, an' before that it was Rae, an' your daddy. You have been to hell an' back yourself, but you don't know that he hates you."

"But if he won't look at me, won't talk to me, what do I do then?"

"You ask him why. Put the ball in his court. If he says he hates you then we are just gonna have to learn to live with it, but it won't mean the end of your friendship with Rae or your contact with Eliana, there is no way that headstrong partner of yours is ever gonna let that happen. But I tell you one thing, if he won't talk to you, an' there is no way that he will come to the weddin' then we will get married without him."

"But then it won't be the same."

"I know it won't, but if that is the way it has to be then we will go ahead an' have our weddin' we can't force him to come, an' we can enjoy ourselves without him, but I'm sure it won't come to that, at least it won't if you can actually speak to each other."

"I will go see him, but not today, I don't think I can do it today."

"There is no time like the present, apart from the fact that at the present they aren't in, but as soon as we make contact with them we are going over and havin' this out, for now though, I think you should lie down an' let this all go. You just changed shift patterns, so let your body rest for a while."

"You know, if you weren't taken, I might just marry you." Steve pulled her downtowards him and they lay together on the bed. He kissed her tenderly and nuzzled at her hair, he felt relaxed and calm now, but then suddenly something Jo had said came to the front of his mind. "Jo?"

"Mm, don't stop that, it feels wonderful."

"Where did you say my dad was going?"

"To the dentist, why?" Jo wasn't sure where this conversation had come from.

Steve sat up, "Oh, God, he isn't having a tooth pulled is he?"

"No, just a check up, why?"

Jo felt Steve relax again and he lay back down on the bed. "Oh, that's all right then." Steve shut his eyes.

"Oh, no you don't. You can't just stop there, an' go to sleep. What happens when your daddy has a tooth pulled?"

"Well, the gas they use affects him, and the last time he was adamant that there was a body in the living room, but nobody could find it. Things were a little weird there for a while." 

"An' was there a body?" Jo's interest was raised now."

"What…? Oh yeah, there was … a body." Steve had begun running his fingers through her hair again, but gradually the movements got slower and slower, and Jo knew that he was drifting off to sleep, she moved slightly and his eyes opened again.

"Please stay with me, Jo, just for a while."

"I am not goin' anywhere, I didn't get much sleep either you know! Now close your eyes, I will do the same, an' the day can carry on without us."

Jo smiled down at her soon to be husband and knew that there would be no answer except the soft snuffly snores she could already hear.


	4. Murder and Mayhem

**Murder and Mayhem **

Rae, Jesse and Eliana had walked back to the car, and now they were just sitting in it watching the world go by. Eliana was in her car seat, her giraffe in her hands, a beaker of juice on the tray and she was quite content. Rae and Jesse however, were not all that content any more.

Rae shut her eyes and tried to imagine how she would be able to cope with two children under the age of two with one paralysed arm and hopefully by then, one arm, which was only slightly restricted. She tried to move both arms, but as always the left one refused to co-operate. Whatever way she looked at it, she knew it was going to be almost impossible for her to cope on her own.

Jesse looked across at his wife and for a moment his own panic and worry was forgotten. She was a fiercely independent woman, and he knew what would be going through her mind right now. As he watched he saw her flex the fingers of both hands, she raised her right arm into the air, and let it fall, then she stopped moving.

As Jesse began to concentrate again on his own worries he felt the impossibility of the situation from both sides. Rae couldn't cope on her own, and now he would have a wife and two children to care for and keep safe, as well as keep his job going, make sure that Bob's was running properly and keep everybody safe. Jesse realised that he had the same thought twice, but to him it was the main focus of his life. Rae, Eliana and the new baby were his responsibility. Until now he had made a pretty dismal job of keeping them protected, and he had to do better.

"Jesse?" Rae had spoken her husband's name twice already, and she could see he had no idea that she was speaking.

"What? Oh sorry, Rae, did you say something?"

"No, just your name. I guess we had better go home, hadn't we?"

"Yeah, I guess we had." Jesse started the car and they began the drive back the way they had come a couple of hours earlier. Then they had just been worried about Rae maybe having picked up a bug, now they were both concerned about other issues.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo woke up as she heard Mark's voice outside in the hallway. She got up carefully, hoping not to disturb Steve too much. For a moment she froze as he stirred on the bed, but then with a small sigh Steve disappeared back into his dreams.

Jo and Mark had been sitting, quietly chatting in the morning room for just over an hour before a very sleepy looking Steve came down to join them. Jo hadn't told Mark what had happened that morning, except to say that Steve had needed to sort a few things out before the wedding.

"Dad, how was the dentist?" Steve moved over towards his father, and put a hand on his shoulder. He was still very concerned about him, and knew that he hadn't been spending as much time with him lately as he should.

"Oh, fine, no cavities, no extractions, I don't have to go back for six months. Just the type of dentist appointment I like."

Steve was just about to mention the dentist's visit that he and Jo had talked about earlier when he heard the telephone ring in the hallway. The three of them watched as Michael left his kitchen and walked sedately across to answer it.

"Good afternoon, Walters's residence…Yes, certainly, he is here. Who may I say is calling…? Thank you, would you hold?" Michael turned, his hand over the mouthpiece of the receiver. "Lieutenant Sloan, Sir, Detective Banks is on the line for you."

Steve took a deep breath. He knew that Cheryl didn't phone him on his day off unless it was important. He moved over and took the phone from Michael, not really wanting to know what she had to tell him. "Cheryl? What can I do for you…? No, that's ok, I was awake… What? … No, I heard you the first time, oh, great, just great. I guess I'm coming in then. I'll see you there." Steve put the phone down and turned back to his dad and Jo. "I imagine you worked that out for yourself."

"Oh, Honey, are you sure you are awake enough for this?" Jo was concerned, she could see that Steve was still tired, and she knew that letting his feelings out as he had hadn't been easy for him and had sapped him of what little energy he had left after a shift pattern of nights.

"I have to go and head a new murder enquiry, because, of course, I have nothing else to do, not enough paperwork as it is, no home life and there are no other homicide detectives in the whole North Hollywood area." Steve blew his cheeks out and Jo laughed. "What?"

"You look like a puffer fish, now go to work, Lieutenant, or I will be marryin' a patrolman."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Rae and Jesse arrived home Rae's worry had made her so angry that she wanted to kick something. Jesse hadn't spoken a word for the entire journey, but Eliana had chattered on enough for all three of them, and was, unfortunately, still going. Jesse had hoped to be able to put his daughter down for a nap and talk with Rae, but he knew that was not going to happen. So, once they had hung their coats up, and Rae had made them both a drink, they had moved into the family room, where the playpen was now set up and sat together, Jesse with his arm round Rae, and said nothing.

Finally Rae knew that she had to speak, and so she straightened her back a little and turned painfully round so that she could see Jesse's kind and loving face as she did so.

"You know, it isn't fair." It hadn't been how Rae had planned to begin, but it was how she felt.

"What isn't fair?" Jesse had a feeling he knew, but he wanted to hear Rae say it.

"Last time, when I was pregnant, we were worried the whole time, and now we will be that way again. When I was carrying Eliana I wanted you to know what it was like to be happy and delighted and to look forward to the day your baby arrived. Now you get another chance and we still can't do that. Oh, Jesse, we shouldn't have to be like this." Rae rested her head on Jesse's shoulder, and tried to just enjoy the feeling of having his arms around her, but somehow nothing was quite as it should be right now.

He was wrong, he hadn't known what she was going to say, but he did know that he needed to be able to reassure her. "Honey, look at me. We did have a couple of days when you being pregnant was just wonderful and I know we were worried about her being a little small, but we found this house, and decorated the nursery, they were such special times, and I won't ever forget them. This time we just have to try and plan for the future, but enjoy the present at the same time."

"But, Jesse, how am I ever gonna cope with looking after a baby, and Eliana when all I can do is this?" Rae lifted her right arm up until the pain was unbearable. It had moved about twelve inches. "Jesse, I'm scared, scared that I won't ever be able to do more than I can now. Which means no job, no security, no nothing." Rae had begun to shake and Jesse took a hold of her and kept up a soothing chatter about nothing until it stopped.

"Rae, we will sort it out. You are what, about two months pregnant? We have plenty of time."

"Which is probably just as well, Jesse, you have things that you need to sort out too, y'know." Rae felt comforted by Jesse's presence and his rational tone, but she wasn't surprised as she felt his body tense up.

"What?" Once again Jesse had a feeling he knew the answer, and this time he wouldn't be wrong.

"You have to go and see Steve. But not because I want you to, but because you do."

"No, I can't! Rae, he must hate me by now. I said some terrible things to him, and I have shut him out of my life ever since. If it had been up to me he wouldn't have seen anything of Eliana since we got her back."

"Why, Jesse? He saved her life; she would be dead by now if he hadn't been there."

"No, Rae, don't say that. I know I didn't keep her safe, but please, don't say that."

"Jesse? I didn't say anything about you not keeping her safe, all I meant was that he cares about her, in fact after you and I he is probably the person who cares for her the most, and he would have searched every corner of the globe to find her. If it had been left up to the FBI and the local forces then she might not have been found in time… Jess, you don't blame yourself for what happened do you? Or me, or Steve?"

Jesse didn't reply at all, and to Rae's dismay he removed his arm from round her and stood up. "I can't talk about it, Rae, not now." Jesse saw that Eliana was nodding off in her playpen and so he leant in and carefully picked her up. "Come on, Sweet pea, I think it's time for a little nap."

Rae looked at his retreating back and knew that it would take a lot of work to get him to open up and even more for him to realise that it wouldn't make him any less of a man if he did so.

Rae got slowly to her feet and headed into the main bedroom. She sat on the bed and ran her hand over her stomach. How in the world could she have gotten pregnant? Her mind began to go over all the difficulties that she knew she would face, and she suddenly felt so helpless that she didn't know what to think about next. She heard a sound and saw Jesse standing in the doorway and then he was there on the bed next to her and she let him take her in his arms and hold her tight.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve got to the parking lot of the precinct way too soon for his liking. As he drew in to an empty slot just inside the gate he could see the yellow police scene tape strung up around his normal parking space. With a deep sigh he got out of the car and moved over to where he could see Amanda just getting her things sorted out to begin her on site examination.

"Doctor Bentley."

"My, my, Lieutenant Sloan, aren't we formal today. Hi, Steve." Amanda smiled at him and placed one gloved hand on his arm. "Did they tell you what they had found?"

"No, just that there was a car in my space, and a murder enquiry would be started. So I guess that there is a body in the car. This is detective work, not rocket science."

"Yeah, well, rocket science may be easier. Steve, you better take a look. You didn't just eat did you?"

"No, why?" Steve was suddenly aware of his heart beating loudly in his chest. He had a pretty strong stomach, there had been times when he'd had to excuse himself, but it had been a long time since he had lost his lunch.

"You'll see." Amanda moved over to the trunk of the gold coloured convertible parked in his space. As they got closer Steve could see Martin standing watching them approach.

"Detective, if you could open the trunk please."

Martin placed a gloved hand over the release mechanism and the lid flew smoothly up. Steve gasped as he looked inside. The whole trunk was empty apart from the upper half of an arm, nothing below the elbow, no hand, just the upper arm.

"Oh, great!" Steve felt his stomach revolt for a moment, but he was determined not to let it win. He leant over and looked at the severed limb a little more closely. "And, of course, you can tell me the name, age, sex, and library card number for this … this victim."

"Oh, ha ha. Everyone's a comedian. No, but I can give you approximate height, weight and time of death, I imagine there is a death involved here, you can survive without an arm, but, well, you don't usually leave it in the trunk of a car." Amanda looked at Steve, knowing that they were both trying to lighten the sombre mood because dismembered bodies were always difficult to be involved with and Steve was glad such cases didn't come his way too often.

"I guess you'll take it back to Community General, and let me know what you find, when, in the morning?"

"Yeah, that would be about right, but I can tell you now that it is female, Caucasian, and not that old. But then you could probably have told me that."

Steve thought for a moment, and looked once again at the arm. "It is a slender shape," he looked at his own muscular arm for a moment, "Caucasian, yeah, I think I had that one nailed, and it isn't wrinkled or marked, so that would give you the young, right?"

"You wouldn't like to come with me and run the tests would you?" Amanda smiled and then called over one of her technicians. "Can you get this ready to be transported back to the lab please?"

Amanda removed her gloves and then took Steve by the arm and they walked a little way away from the crime scene. "Have you seen Jesse?"

"No, no I haven't. I tried to call him this morning, but there was no reply. I was going to call again, well about now, I guess, but as usual, life got in the way."

"You need to sort this out, I've seen him at the hospital and he isn't happy, or relaxed. He needs you to talk to, Steve."

"Yeah, and I need him too. I miss his company, and I wanted to ask him something, and, well, right now I can't."

"Can I ask him for you, would that help?" Amanda looked up at her friend, and was concerned by the hurt she saw in his eyes.

"No, thank you. But you can make sure that man of yours is in town over Easter, you will have a wedding to attend."

"You've set the date? Oh, Steve, that's wonderful Jo must be so excited."

Steve just smiled. The excitement had been rather swept away by events, but he felt better for talking things through, and he knew that once he had finally talked to Jesse the excitement would return. "Well, I guess I had better go and start this murder enquiry up, I get the feeling that we will probably find more of our Jane Doe before too long."

"Yeah, I think you're right. And I will contact Ron." Amanda smiled and then she turned and headed back towards her car. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Amanda went home that night the severed limb was safely stored away until it could be reunited with the rest of its body. Steve had called through just to say that he hadn't come up with anything yet, and he would be in to see her in the morning, and then he too had decided to call it a day.

Amanda let herself into the house and headed for the kitchen. Both the boys had after school clubs and wouldn't be home for another half hour. Her sitter would just drop them off at the end of the driveway when she saw the car, and Amanda would have the chance to spend a quiet evening with her sons for a change. _Change_. As Amanda sat in her favourite chair, the fresh mug of steaming coffee in her hand, she thought about the other changes that were taking place in her life, in all their lives. This year was definitely going to re-shape the land as far as all of them were concerned. Steve was getting married, and she knew that Mark would find it strange living at the beach house on his own. Rae and Jesse had so many things that they had to sort out, that she wondered whether a year would be enough for them to even scratch at the surface of it all, and then there was her own situation.

Amanda snuggled back into the chair and a soft smile crossed her face. She remembered back to Christmas Eve. The boys had hung their stockings by the fireplace and then after much cajoling and bribery had finally disappeared up the stairs just after nine. Ron had stood with his arms around Amanda and watched the flashing lights as they twinkled and reflected off the different ornaments on the tree. She had looked up at him and he had leant over and kissed her on the lips with a passion that had left her breathless.

_"Wow, I think I need to sit down after that!" Amanda had taken Ron by the hand and pulled him over to the sofa. They had snuggled up together, and after a few moments Ron had begun to talk._

_"I need to ask you something."_

_"Ok, it sounds serious. Is something wrong?"_

_"No, no, at least I hope not. I wanted to ask you about a decision I have to make."_

_"Now that does sound serious, Honey, what is it?" Amanda had shifted her position a little so that she could see his face._

_"Do you remember what happened when I told you that I was moving to __London__?"_

_"You mean I got mad, or I said I would wait for you? I am **still** waiting, Agent Wagner."_

_"Well, both actually.__ Amanda there's an opening with the bureau available here in __Los Angeles__. The job is mine if I want it."_

_"I see. And do you want it?" Amanda had found that she was holding her breath._

_"You know I think I do. I love you, Amanda, and CJ and Dion. I want to give this family thing a try, but I understand now about not rushing in and hurting the boys, I would never want to do that…" _

_Amanda had placed a finger on his lips and Ron had stopped talking. "I don't think that there is any chance of you hurting anyone, not now. I love you too, Ron, and I would be delighted if you could move to __Los Angeles__, so we can be together, but only if you want to. I know how important your career is to you and you need to be sure that this move is the right thing for you…" This time it was Ron who stopped her from talking and for a few minutes neither of them spoke. _

_"Honey, it's a good job, better than I have now, and it'll mean that I won't spend half my life in the air. I want to come."_

_"Then, yes, I want you to come too." Amanda had put her arms around his neck and begun to kiss him, she had just felt his hands begin to move down her back when they both heard the rumble of feet on the stairs._

_"Are you gonna live here, Uncle Ron?"_

_"You can have my bed if you like, it's real comfortable."_

_"Is it from right now, today?"_

_"Are you and Mom gonna get married?"_

_"Woah, now, slow down here." Ron had shushed the boys and they had fallen into an excited silence. "First of all, I won't be living here… ah ah… my turn…" he cut off the groans just by raising his hand. "I will find a place of my own, at least to start with. We need time to get used to being together. And me living here isn't the way to go about it. Second of all, I won't move in here until your mom and I get married, ok? So then I won't need to borrow your bed, CJ, but thank you for the offer."_

_"And now that you have had two questions answered each you can head back to bed, or Santa will be passing us by tonight." Amanda smiled indulgently and so the sting was taken out of her words._

_"Oh, I don't know, I think he called here already." Ron had smiled then and kissed each boy on the top of the head. Then he had shooed them back up the stairs, and once the sound of the bedroom door shutting had been heard he turned back to Amanda._

_"Amanda, I'm not gonna ask you to marry me, not yet, some day I will, when we know that it is going to be the right thing to do, but until then, will you accept this?" Ron had taken a square box out of his pants pocket and handed it to Amanda. Slowly she opened it and a smile had lit up her face._

_"Oh, Ron, it's beautiful, can I put it on right now?"_

_"Of course.__ It is to signify that one day, Doctor Bentley, you will be offered my ring, and I hope with all my heart that you will accept it and the offer of marriage that will go with it." Amanda looked at the bracelet as Ron put it on her wrist. It was a thin gold band, which turned into an open weave heart on the front of her arm. Inside the heart was a diamond, secured in a spider's_ _web of gold strands._

_"You carry on this way, and you can count on it, Agent Wagner."_

Amanda smiled as she recalled the memory. They had stayed snuggled up on the sofa for a long time, there had been no need for words or actions, it had been enough just to know that the other one was there. They hadn't told anyone about their plans, and the boys had promised to keep it secret too. But Amanda knew that by Easter, her own love would be a Los Angeles resident, and by her side as they watched their friends get married.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had fallen asleep in Jesse's arms, and he had laid her on the bed and covered her over with the comforter. He knew that there were a million and one things that he should go and do while Eliana was asleep and not likely to get in the way, but he couldn't bring himself to leave Rae alone.

In the end he had gone and picked up the book that he did the accounts in, and, bringing a calculator and a pen back with him, had sat and tried to work out if they could survive without Rae bringing home a wage check every two weeks. It didn't take him long to discover that not only was it a possibility, but that they really wouldn't be that much worse off than they were now. Their savings wouldn't rise so fast, but they would be able to survive very nicely thank you, on his salary alone. 

Jesse shook his head. The paperwork was one thing, suggesting to Rae that she resign from the force was another all together. He thought about Jo, and knowing a little of her history he got up off the bed again and headed for the living room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had been doodling wedding dresses when the telephone rang and she heard Michael's voice float towards her. "Good Afternoon, Walters's residence ... Ah, good afternoon, Sir. Yes, Madam is at home, I will connect you, if you would be so kind as to hold the line."

Jo laughed. Sometimes Michael got so tied up in the formalities that he was on the phone longer than she was. "Excuse me, Madam, but there is a call from Doctor Travis for you." 

Jo leapt to her feet, her pad and pen still in her hand, delighted for the chance to talk to Jesse and hopefully start the reconciliation process between him and Steve. "Jesse, how are you? An' how is Rae?" Jo pressed the button for loudspeaker, and carried on with her doodling.

"She's fine, Jo, she has some news, but she'll tell you that herself later. Right now she's asleep. I need to talk to you about something, and I know you have experience of it. I want to know how you felt when you left the force."

"What? Is Rae thinkin' of leavin' the force? She didn't give me that impression the last time I spoke with her." Jo was shocked by what Jesse was saying.

"No, no, but I think that she has to face the fact that there is a very good possibility that she will have to retire on health grounds."

"Now, just hold on a minute here, Jesse. Rae is doin' all she can to get herself fit an' capable of holdin' down her job again. If she were to hear you discussin' this with me she, well, she would think we were conspirin' against her." Jo couldn't believe what Jesse was saying, and she had a feeling that the disgust was apparent in her voice.

"Jo, I'm not asking you to write her letter of resignation, I'm just trying to find out how you felt about it when it happened to you." Jesse's tone had become very short, and Jo could understand a little more why Steve had been avoiding talking to him.

"I felt empty. I don't think I was ever a career cop, not like Steve or Rae, but leavin', that was hard, maybe if I had left of my own free will I could have accepted it, but that didn't happen, I had to leave because I couldn't do it any more." Jo paused for a moment; the feelings of failure and much more were still there, and some of them hadn't been brought to the surface in a long time. "Nobody cared about me once I handed in my badge. I was an ex-cop, an' nobody is interested in them. Jesse, let me tell you this clearly, if you make her leave, give her no choice, like I had no choice, it will destroy her, you will destroy her. Your marriage won't be worth squat if she feels you have taken her job away from her. If I were you I would forget that you had the idea, an' I will forget you ever asked me." Jo knew that now was not the time to mention his disagreement with Steve, and so she just waited for him to speak.

"I see. Ok, well, thank you, Jo, I guess I know where I stand with you now don't I?" Jesse put the phone down without another word and then hurled himself onto the sofa. Nobody seemed to realise that all he was trying to do was keep his wife safe from harm. She would never be fit enough to keep up with Steve, or any other cop she might be paired off with, she would be a danger to them and herself, she needed to accept that fact and move on. And if Jo couldn't see that, well, then he would have to deal with it on his own.

As he stood up to go and start preparing dinner he saw Rae standing in the doorway. "Why are you trying to destroy my life?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had woken up and feeling refreshed and suddenly positive had decided to get herself up and out of bed. It had been a painful but not impossible process, and she had been very proud of herself until she had got to the door of her room when she had heard Jesse on the phone, asking someone about leaving the force.  For a minute she had wanted to retreat back to her room, but she needed to hear what Jesse had to say. Finally, as he had finished his conversation Rae had moved towards him, and once she was in the doorway had found her voice. "Why are you trying to destroy my life?"

"What? No, I'm not, Rae, Honey, please…" Jesse felt the colour drain from his face. Rae should still be in bed, fast asleep.

"I know you don't like me being a cop, but that's what I am, Jesse. I worked as a secretary for a little while but only until I was old enough to train as a policewoman, and I have never regretted it for a moment."

"So you don't regret all the things that have happened to you, to Eliana, to me? Oh, well, that's reassuring!"

"Of course I do, don't be infantile! But I don't regret the years I have spent pounding the beat, searching for clues, putting the guilty behind bars, and giving the victim at least a little of their dignity back, and if I have to put myself in danger because of that, well, then I guess I just have to accept it. I don't want you or Eliana to suffer, or anybody else, just because they know me, but no, Jess, I wouldn't change it, not any of it, because I have put some seriously nasty people where they can't cause any more harm, and saved more anguish than I have ever caused. Jesse, before Eliana was taken, when I asked you to leave, you didn't want to go, but I couldn't have you stay because I was so worried for you, well now you are doing the same to me. You are trying to pass your worries and fears onto me, and I can't take them, because I don't feel that way anymore. There is nobody after me, you or Eliana, we have our lives back, but until you let go, we can't live them."

"But you aren't the woman you were, you can't compete any more. You have to be realistic."

"No, I can't. Do you think I don't know that? Could you give up being a doctor tomorrow because you were debilitated? One decision taken in a minute of haste? No, of course you couldn't, and neither can I. I am under no illusions about my chances of becoming Steve's partner again, but until I am ready to face the consequences on my own, and accept them without the crushing pain I feel in my heart when I think about them now, then no, I don't have to be realistic. I don't have to be realistic at all!"

Jesse watched as Rae turned from him and moved into the family room, and then he saw her close the door, and he knew that for the time being there was no point in making dinner.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After Steve had called Amanda he had spoken to Cheryl and told her that he was heading for home. He saw Campbell working at his desk and went over for a moment to see if anything new had happened on the drive bys. 

"We are now going through the credit card slips, and bank statements again to see if we can find a link between them all, but so far nothing. And I use the term 'we' loosely, George didn't turn up this morning, no call, no nothing. I hope he's ok. I tried calling him but I just got his answering machine."

"He lives in Van Nuys, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, I need some air; I'll drive over and see him before I go home. I'll see you in the morning."

Steve had gone down to his car, forgetting for a moment that it wasn't where it should be, and then he had driven towards George Bannister's address, which he had picked up from Bob on the way past the front desk.

It didn't take him as long as he had thought to get to the street where George lived, and soon he was slowing up outside a small, neat ranch style home. He walked up the path, rang the bell, and waited. He heard voices inside, and then the door opened slowly. A very red eyed and tearful George opened the door, and Steve thought he was going to collapse in front of him when he saw who was standing there.

"L…l…l…ieutenant S…s…s…loan, Sir, ah, Steve… H…hi… What can I d…do for you?" George was stammering and stuttering, and was definitely extremely nervous about something.

"I was a little concerned that you hadn't reported for duty today, especially after you had that turn at Bob's last night. George, can I come in?"

"Yes, of course, where are my manners? I am so sorry." The door was opened to reveal a spotlessly tidy, white room, which seemed to stretch the length of the house. There were three dark blue leather sofas that Steve could see, and the carpet was the same colour as the furniture. As Steve moved further into the room he could see another man standing over by one of the front windows. 

"You, you know Joseph don't you?"

"Only by sight, Hi, I'm Steve Sloan." Steve held his hand out and was pleasantly surprised by the firm handshake. Steve turned round and looked at the very nervous man in front of him. George Bannister was about thirty-two years old. He was just a little shorter than Steve, and, according to something he had once heard Rae say, an incredibly handsome man. Now though, he just looked like an incredibly scared man. 

"George, perhaps you had better tell me what is wrong, because although you look like you have had your wits scared out of you, you don't look ill."

"No, Sir, I'm not ill, just very very worried and scared."

"I see." Steve didn't see at all, but it was somewhere to start. "Maybe you had better let me know why you left your partner to do all the paperwork on the drive bys when you must have known how busy he would be. Rae didn't do any work for you last night, she just gave you a direction to go in."

"I know that, and I will apologise when I see him, but I needed some time to think things over, and decide what I was going to do." George was still nervous but he seemed to be getting himself a little more under control now. He looked over towards Joseph, and Steve, who was also looking in that direction, saw the older man give a nod.

"You know I'm gay, don't you, Sir?" George didn't really know why he was calling Steve, Sir, but somehow at the moment it seemed appropriate.

"Well, nobody has ever told me, but yeah, I had guessed that you and Joseph were … together."

Bannister smiled a small smile. "Well, not everybody is as understanding as you. We know that we can come to Bob's, and nobody is gonna stare at us, or make us eat up quickly and leave; we can sit in a booth and just enjoy each other's company. We even held hands one night. You seem to accept us, Rae does too, but not everybody is as understanding as you. Oh, I just said that, didn't I?"

"George, I hate to rush you, but I just finished nights last night, I didn't get much sleep, and today I had a severed arm in my parking space."

"Oh, God, really? Steve, I'm sorry, this can wait. I'll talk to you again." George began to get flustered, and Steve watched as Joseph moved over towards him.

"No, George, now, the Lieutenant will wait while you calm yourself, won't you?" Joseph spoke and his New York accent became apparent.

Steve had a feeling that he wasn't going to be in a position to say no, so he nodded his head and looked at Joseph. He reckoned that he was about eight to ten years older than George, but as he didn't have an awful lot of hair it was a little difficult to gauge. Steve was reminded of the British actor who played Star Trek's Captain Picard when he looked at Joseph, apart from the fact that he obviously came from Brooklyn.

"Ok, I'm sorry. Steve, would you like to sit down? Have a coffee or anything? I guess I really did forget my manners."

"No, I'm fine, I'll sit down, but I don't need a coffee thanks." Steve sank down into a leather sofa that seemed to be made of duck down. He had a feeling that getting up again might be an embarrassment. "Now, as a detective, I have worked out that you have something to tell me. Maybe you could let me know what it is?" Steve tried to lighten the mood enough that George would become a little less tense, but it didn't seem to work.

"I need to speak with you about the drive bys."

"Ok, but couldn't you have come into the precinct and done that?"

"No, no, because, like I said, not everybody is as tolerant as you are. My job and my career are on the line here. I can't risk them without being absolutely certain of my facts." George took a deep breath, and Steve saw Joseph take his hand just for a second and then release it.

"Ok, we have established that I am tolerant, and that your job is on the line. Is that because you are gay, and very few people know about it?" Steve saw George nod, and so he continued. "And you have knowledge about the drive bys, which will somehow make your …" Steve wasn't sure how to continue. "Which will bring this out into the open?"

"Yeah. That is exactly what will happen. If I tell you what I know, and you decide that all the facts have to come out, then my career in the force will be over. Dead and buried."

"George, you can't say that and then not tell me the rest. I don't know if I can do what you want me to do without having all the facts. Once I have all the facts, I don't know if I will be able to keep any of them to myself. You have put me in one hell of a position here." Steve realised that he could talk round and round in circles all night, and George was so mixed up and scared that he would probably let him.

"Ok, let me ask you something… You're engaged, if you found out something about her that would devastate her, would leave her whole world destroyed, but would put someone behind bars who had been wronged and was seeking revenge for a disaster that wasn't her doing, would you tell?"

"George, I can't answer that, and you know it. Apart from the fact that you just confused the hell out of me, that is a hypothetical question. I can't put myself in that position and tell you with absolute certainty what I would do, but my initial response is that I would make damn sure the charges would stick."

"I see." George shook his head, and Steve knew he was no nearer to hearing what the detective was too confused to tell him.

"George, there is a pattern to the shootings. Did Rae get it right, is it a special date gone bad?" George just nodded, and so Steve carried on. "Is it ended, or will there be any more killings?"

"No, I don't think there will be, I think that it is finished… At least I hope so." The last words came out so softly, that Steve had to strain to hear them.

"If there are going to be more shootings then you have to tell me, right now, what you know. So that we can stop them."

"Steve, I honestly don't know. I have been going over what I do know, and I don't think that there will be any more."

"What is it that you know, George?" 

"I know who is doing the shooting, and I know why."

Steve thought that George was going to continue, but his phone began to vibrate in his pocket, and he knew that the moment was lost.

"Sloan here… Cheryl? … Oh, God, no, I'm in Van Nuys, but I'll get there… How many? … Yeah … and you're sure it is the same MO…? Ok, bye." Steve turned to look back at the young man sitting across from him, and his eyes were like ice.

"I thought you said that there would be no more shootings."

"There shouldn't be, all the stores were there. All the stores were there."

"George, when did you realise that you had information about these shootings?"

"Last night, when Rae said it was a date gone wrong." George was getting very worried now. The Lieutenant was obviously furious and very upset about something, and he knew it had to do with the shootings, and the phone call.

"And you didn't think to say anything? Four cops just got blown away, God help you, George, if you could have prevented that." Steve's voice was loud, and suddenly Bannister was aware of the one place that hadn't been hit.


	5. Aftermath

Aftermath 

Steve headed back towards the precinct, dreading what he was going to find. The area for a block around the station was cordoned off, and Steve kept his light and siren on, and wound his window down so that the officers on duty could see who he was. He had his ID in his hand as he pulled up at a road block, and an officer who was not known to him indicated for him to stop.

"Sir, we aren't letting all officers in here, I'm sorry."

"My name is Lieutenant Steve Sloan; I was called back on duty to work on this."

The patrolman checked a list in front of him. "Yes, Sir, of course, Sir. I'll let you through. Sir, it's not pretty up there." The young man seemed to lose all colour as he spoke.

"I guessed as much." Steve put his window up, and stepping gently on the gas drove slowly towards the parking lot.  There was no way that he could park inside, so he drew up just outside the entrance and, keeping his ID in his hand, began the walk towards a nightmare scene.

The area leading into the precinct was heavily splattered with blood, and Steve could see four bodies under sheets. He knew that whoever it was he would know them, at least by sight if not as a friend. Spotting Cheryl working quietly where he usually parked his car he moved over and gently placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Hey, Cheryl, what can you tell me?"

Cheryl turned and Steve could see tears in her eyes. She took a deep breath and began to speak. "Four dead, five in the hospital, three looked real bad to me and God knows how many suffering from shock. This was timed for the end of a shift, people were coming to get their cars and … and then the world exploded around them." Cheryl shuddered, and Steve wrapped his arms around her for a moment, to pass a little strength over to her.  "I saw it, Steve, I was just inside the doors and I saw it all." 

Steve looked at her again, he could see that her clothes were covered in blood, and she had a haunted look in her eyes. He realised, rather belatedly, that she was one of those in shock. "I think the first thing we need to do is get you checked over. I'll take you to Community General and get someone to take a look at you. We can't do anything here for a while." Steve took his phone from his pocket and put a call through to the inside of the station, and explained to Captain Newman what he was doing. Once that was done he guided Cheryl out to his car and watched as she sat quietly and passively in the passenger seat.

Steve was just about to start the engine when he felt his phone vibrate and he picked it up. "Sloan here… Hi, Honey, no I wasn't at the station when it happened, I'm fine … no, I don't know who … who died … Jo, I can't come home right now, get Rae to come over if you want…I know, but she'll stay with you, and you need someone there… Ok, I love you too." Steve closed down his phone, and hoped that Jo would do as he suggested and call her friend.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had headed towards the family room and, sitting on the sofa, tried to work out just what Jesse was doing to her. He seemed determined to ruin everything she had that took her more than two minutes away from her front door. He wanted her to give up her job, stay with someone every time he left the house, and she knew that he had even thought about setting up a private practice and working from home himself just to keep an eye on her. Something had to give here, and it wasn't going to be her! She needed her freedom so that she could, however hesitantly, begin her walk back to some sort of normality.  Rae picked up the remote control for the TV that was just in front of her, and began to channel surf. She came to a local news station and, recognising her own precinct house, began to listen. Two minutes later with tears running down her cheeks she was on her feet and calling for her husband.

"Jesse, Jess, where are you? Oh, God, Jesse." Rae couldn't take her eyes off the screen. She could see the blood on the walls and she knew that there were bodies on the ground. "Steve." The name of her partner escaped her lips without her even realising it as Jesse came into the room, and moved over towards her, and she grasped his hand as tightly as she could. Jesse watched the screen in disbelief, and then he headed towards the phone, which began to ring just as he was about to pick it up.

"Hello…? Jo, Oh, God, Jo, did you … you're sure?" Jesse leant back against the wall for a moment as he thought he was about to collapse. He saw Rae come slowly towards him and he shook his head. Rae misread the action and turned away, tears flooding her eyes. "No, of course … I need to get to the hospital … Yeah, they'll both come, Jo, I'll bring them now." Jesse put the phone down and moved over towards his wife. She was sobbing, and he put his arms round her. "Rae, no, Sweetheart, I shook my head because he wasn't there, Steve wasn't there, he's ok, he called Jo and he's ok."

"But … but some people aren't … they're my friends, Jesse, and some of them died." Rae cried on Jesse's shoulder for a few minutes, but gradually she began to get herself under control. "Was that Texas; does she want us to go see her?"

"Yeah, I'll drop you and Eliana off, and then I … I need to go to work, Rae, will you be all right?"

"Of course, you go, those cops, they'll need a friendly face to help them come to terms with this. I must have gotten it wrong, I would never have thought of a police station getting hit." Rae's voice faded away, and then she straightened up a little and watched as Jesse went to get Eliana out of bed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

George and Joseph had watched Steve drive away and then they shut the door and just hugged each other. There were no words that Joseph could say to help his partner, and George was beyond speech. In the end they had sat, the television on the same local station as half of LA, and watched the pictures over and over again as the special team that was reporting from the precinct kept repeating the dreadful figures and showing the pictures of bodies lying on the ground, covered hastily with blankets.

Finally, unable to bear it any longer George had got up and walked down towards the bedroom. Once in there he had shut the door and sitting on the bed had begun to sob. It hadn't occurred to him, when Rae had made her announcement the other night that the station would be targeted, but now it seemed so obvious. After about a half hour he managed to pull himself together a little and he got undressed and climbed into bed. He knew that once Steve came back to see him, or worse he was called in to see the Captain, he would have little time to rest. Then, trying not to see the images from the television in his mind he shut his eyes and prayed for sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve arrived at the hospital, and once he had parked, got out of the driver's seat and moved round to the passenger side of the car. Cheryl hadn't said a word for the entire journey, and he was getting very concerned about her. He eased her out and then placing his arm around her directed her towards the entrance to the hospital. 

The ER was still in turmoil. Steve had known that all the trauma suites would probably be occupied, and so he gently sat Cheryl down in the nearest empty seat to the entrance and then headed over towards the desk to let the nurse know that she was there. The atmosphere was about the tensest that Steve could ever remember at Community General since the Sweeney's had bombed the old building. As they sat there, Steve with his arm around Cheryl, they heard the sound of alarms going off in one of the trauma suites and knew that another of their colleagues could be fighting for his or her life. It was about five minutes later that a set of doors opened and a gurney was pushed out and down the hallway, the patient on it surrounded by hospital personnel doing their utmost to keep him or her alive. Steve tried to work out the identity of the officer but he wasn't able to before the double doors swung open and closed and the moment was lost to him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse had driven to the hospital as fast as common sense would allow, and raced into the ER to come face to face with Steve and Cheryl. He signed in at the desk, checked the admissions book, and then he moved over to his friends and crouched down in front of them.

"Cheryl, Steve, you need to tell me what you want me to do." Jesse knew that either or both of them could be suffering from shock and he wanted to see what their initial response would be. From just his first glance at them Jesse could see that Steve seemed to be holding up pretty well, but Cheryl seemed to be far more withdrawn than usual. 

"Jesse, did you hear what happened? At the station?" Steve looked at his friend; they had spoken more to each other in the last two sentences than in the last two months. He saw Jesse nod and then he began to speak again. "I wasn't there, but Cheryl, she saw it all, was just inside the doors when the shooting start… steady, it's gonna be all right, let Jesse just examine you."

Cheryl had begun to shake as Steve started his description of where she had been, and Jesse summing up the situation decided it was time to intervene.  "Cheryl, I think we need to get you looked over and maybe admit you, just overnight so that we can assess how you are feeling."

"No, no, I have to get back, I have things that I need to do, and … and there will be people that I should go see." Cheryl was trying to get out of her seat as she spoke, and Steve gave a pleading look at his friend, and was relieved to see Jesse place his arm round her shoulders and guide her towards a now empty trauma suite.

As they did so Martin came out of the next room along on a gurney, his face was ashen and he had obviously been shot and seriously injured. He was conscious though, and as he saw Jesse and his patient he tried to get up and in a weak voice called out. "Cheryl, Honey, are you alright?"

"Martin? Oh, God, Martin…" She wriggled out of Jesse's grasp and moved over to the gurney and flung herself at its occupant. "I thought you were dead, I heard someone flat line, and I didn't know where you were, and ..." Cheryl couldn't continue to speak and both Steve and Jesse could see her shoulders heave. They could also see that Martin was in great pain, and so carefully Jesse eased the sobbing officer away from her partner, and then they watched as he was pushed away towards the OR. "Jesse, please, find out what is the matter with him, please, I need to know how badly he has been hurt."

"I'll find out, when I've looked at you, but not before. He has been taken off where I can't get to him for a while, so let me spend that time looking after you, ok?"

"Cheryl, I'm gonna find out all I can about what has happened. Jesse, can you get someone to page me when she's been admitted and I'll come back to see her?" Steve placed his hand on her arm. "Is that ok with you?"

Cheryl just nodded and then Jesse led her into the trauma suite and closed the door after him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After Jesse had dropped Eliana and Rae off at Jo's house he had sped off, leaving her to wait for the door to be opened on her own. With her daughter strapped into the wheelchair with her, she had sat, trying to compose herself before Michael came to take her inside. But as soon as the door opened she felt the emotions welling up, and seeing Texas standing waiting for her in the hallway was just too much and the tears started again before she was off the step and into the warmth.

"Oh, Texas, how could that have happened? I thought that I had it sorted out, but I would never have thought that the precinct would be hit. I had it wrong, and now people are dead, people that I know, even if it's only by sight, I will know them." Rae took in a deep breath. "Did you speak with Steve? He really is all right isn't he?"

"Rae, I have no idea what you are talkin' about, now shhh, yes, he really is alright, but I don't know about anybody else yet. There have been no details released on the news, an' Steve hasn't phoned to say anythin'. An' now I think that you need to come an' make yourself comfortable in the mornin' room an' we can wait in there until we hear somethin'. Mark is already in there."

Michael had heard what his employer said, and opening the door made room for Rae and Jo to enter. Rae smiled as she passed him, although she couldn't look up at him. "Thank you, Michael, I am sorry about the chair, but in the circumstances it seemed the best way to arrive."

"Madam, that is not a problem, now would Miss Eliana wish to come and sit in the kitchen with me for a while? I have just made some butter cookies and I think that she could probably handle one." Michael was crouched down by the chair as he spoke, and Rae could see and feel her daughter bouncing up and down on her lap.

"I think I will be in trouble if I say no, so yes, Michael, you may take her into the kitchen. We didn't bring the stroller but you have a bouncy chair don't you?"

"Yes, Madam, I will leave her with you while I go and get it." Michael stood up and headed for the stairs, and Rae felt Jo move her chair so that she was nearer to Mark.

"Rae, Honey, I am sorry that you had to come under such sad circumstances."

"Mark, I know, but it is good to see you under any circumstances." Rae smiled at her friend, and slowly moved her hand so that she could touch his. "It is such an awful feeling. When I saw the newscast I was just so worried that Steve would have been hurt … or worse. But now … now I know that he is ok, but others aren't. People have died, and been hurt, and I feel so helpless."

"Honey, there is no way that you could go there, but Steve will need you, maybe in some ways more than Jo, because you work there, they were, are your friends, you will understand exactly what he is going through."

"Part of me wishes that I didn't. How could anyone do that? Oh, Mark, talk to me about something else, anything else, it just makes me so mad."

"Well, I know that Jo has some news, but it is happy news and she may not wish to discuss it today." Mark said nothing else, and Rae thought for a moment about the child growing inside her. No one apart from Jesse, Wil and herself knew about it, and she could understand exactly what Mark meant. Today wasn't the day to be sharing such joyous information. The room descended into a sad but comfortable silence. The three friends knew that Steve would need their support, and Rae, now that she was in the company of people who understood her desperate need to return to work, felt able to sit and think through her future in a rational manner.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had watched Martin being wheeled away in horror. When Cheryl had said that cops were changing shifts he had automatically thought about uniformed men and women who tended to work more routine hours than the plainclothes officers. He hadn't missed the way that Cheryl and Martin had reacted to each other, and he knew that if things stayed that way then both of them would be looking for new partners. Steve shuddered, Martin had looked so ill that Cheryl might almost have been looking for a new partner right now. He saw Wil Collins coming out of a trauma room and moved across to speak with him. As far as Steve was aware he was the investigating officer, and so he would need to know anything that Wil could tell him.

Wil looked up and saw Steve Sloan moving towards him and running a hand through his hair began to speak. "Lieutenant, I'm glad to see that you are still in one piece."

"Yeah, but others weren't so lucky, were they? What can you tell me?"

"Not a lot. You just saw Martin Robertson, well, he regained consciousness in the trauma suite, his left shoulder has been badly damaged. He is on his way to x-ray, but there was a lot of muscle damage, and he lost a lot of blood.  We lost a young guy, the first one in here, he didn't stand a chance, in fact I'm surprised he made it to the hospital, he took bullets to the chest."

"Do you know his name?" Steve shook his head, that made five dead, the worst drive by shooting of the lot, and he had a feeling that it all had to do with George Bannister and whatever it was he hadn't finished telling him yet.

"Yeah, Carter, Jared Carter." Wil checked his list. "Two others weren't so badly hurt, one took a bullet to the thigh, which bled and looked really serious, but once we had cleaned him up it didn't look as if it had caused too much damage, the bullets went straight through, missed the bone completely, he was incredibly lucky.

"They were all shot more than once?" Steve knew what weapon should have been used, but an independent analysis never hurt.

"Oh yeah, they were machine gun bullets from the information that I got from the paramedic that came in with the first victim.  One young woman was shot in the arm, she was hit just the once, almost as if she was the person on the end of the arc of bullets, if you see what I mean."

"Yes I do, I guess someone has to be in that position. How about the other victim you haven't mentioned him or her yet."

"He was an older guy, uniformed, Bob something… Lieutenant?" Wil stopped as he saw Steve's face lose some of its colour. "Do you know him?"

"Yeah, everybody does, he practically runs the station single handed, he is the desk sergeant, well, one of them, but everything is always much more organised when he is on duty … What happened to him?"

"He was shot in the chest, twice. He coded in the trauma suite, I thought I saw you and one of your colleagues as he was rushed to the OR. I don't know if he will make it, it was a terrible injury."

For a moment Steve was taken back to the day when, just for an instant, he had felt two similar bullets slam into his chest and another to his stomach. He had known nothing else for a very long time after that, and he knew that the desk sergeant was going to have an extremely rough road ahead of him. "Were the bodies taken down to Doctor Bentley?" Steve saw the doctor nod his answer and so he took the offered hand to shake and then he turned and headed towards the elevator, not really wanting to go and get the next set of statistics.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was almost midnight before Steve got home from the hospital, but everybody except Eliana was still up and waiting for him. He had called a couple of times, but he hadn't given any details to anyone, he needed to do it face to face. Rae and Mark had left Jo to go and welcome him home, and they could hear the two of them talking quietly in the hallway for a long time. Steve had then gone into the breakfast room to grab some food and Jo had come back and sat, without a word, in her recently vacated chair. Finally she began to speak. "He said he would have somethin' to eat an' then come talk to us. He told me a few things, but not who was hurt or killed. But it has affected him; there is no doubt about that." 

"Did he see Jesse?" Rae had spoken quietly, and had received just a nod in reply. She had managed to keep the panic she had felt just below the surface. It was selfish to give into her own fears right now, and she had been pleased that her body and mind had responded to her. Neither woman had anything more to say, so Jo had sat silently, and Rae who was sitting in her wheelchair along side her had placed her hand over that of her friend's and they had just waited for Steve to come and share his dreadful news knowing that he wouldn't want to talk about anything until he had some food inside him.

Because he had been so busy Jesse had only called his wife the once, to say that he was going to work through and grab a couple of hours in the sleep room. Despite the seriousness of the situation and her own worries Rae had been delighted, that was more like the Jesse she knew and loved.

Michael had placed a bowl of Scotch broth on the table in front of Steve, a side plate with two rolls and some butter was also there. Slowly Steve began to eat, grateful for the warmth that seemed to work through his body as he did so. He wasn't really a soup man, but he had to admit that, once again, Michael had known just what to serve him to suit the occasion. 

Finally Steve came into the morning room and sat, with a sigh, in one of the chairs by the window and looked at his friends and family, he didn't really know where to start but he knew that he needed to tell them what had happened, and he needed to do it now.

"Steve, Son, we can't make this any easier for you, but you just take all the time you need to tell us." Mark wanted to hug his son and, as he had felt so many times in the past, he just wanted to take the pain away for him, but once again he was unable to do that. So, with a heavy heart he sat and waited to hear what had happened, and what, if anything he could do to help.

"I guess you have seen the news reports on the TV?" They all nodded, and waited in silence. "We haven't released any names of the deceased to the press yet, I have spoken to internal affairs, the Captain and the Chief tonight, and it has been decided that no further information will be given out until tomorrow, but it's bad, real bad, and there will be a lot of flak from this. Rae, we lost two people from our department, and Martin was badly hurt." Steve waited while she digested this first piece of information. 

"Who?" Her voice was very quiet, but everyone could hear the fear in just that one word.

"Honey, one of those killed was Walter Bickerstaff, I don't think you knew him, except by sight, but Dennis Campbell was killed too." Steve had moved across towards her as he spoke, and he saw the tears fill her eyes.

"Oh, Steve, he's married, he has kids, I was wrong, I would never have thought she would target the station. Oh, God, Steve, it was his case and she killed him."

Steve took her into his arms and felt her carefully rest her head on his chest. He didn't want to move her, but he had to keep talking. "No, you weren't wrong, this is linked to the drive bys, and it was a date gone bad. Rae, Bob was shot too; he isn't expected to make it through the night." That was just too much for Rae, she liked and admired the friendly desk sergeant and Steve could feel her as she cried against him, and he felt two tears slide down his own cheeks as finally he let some of the feelings for his fallen colleagues escape him.

Mark and Jo had sat close together, hand in hand, as they had watched Rae and Steve try to get their feelings and emotions under control. Steve had regained a certain amount of composure first and had just held his partner and stroked her hair and waited for the tears to stop. When finally that had happened he had moved back from her and begun to talk again. "Rae, I have to go and see someone, now, tonight, and I want you to come with me."

"Ok, but what can I do?" Rae looked confused. She had thought that Steve was home for the night.

"I'll tell you in the car, we have to go to Van Nuys, and I need someone with me, and I know that the person I have to interview will open up to you, and I need this tied up, tonight."

"You mean the drive bys? You know who committed them?" Rae wished that she could just stand up and run to the car like she used to, but instead she got slowly to her feet, the inactivity of the last few hours causing her to gasp as she did so.

"Honey, are you sure you are up to this?" Jo was over to her friend's side quickly to give her a hand.

"Texas, even if I wasn't, I would still go. Steve needs me … It feels like I haven't been needed in a long time." 

Steve put his arm round his partner and slowly guided her to the front door, then he turned to Jo and smiled. "I have no idea how long this is gonna take, whether I'll bring Rae home and then head off  again to make an arrest, or even if we will get to see this guy. What I'm saying, Jo, is don't wait up for me, go to bed now, there is nothing you or Dad can do tonight, but tomorrow I will need to talk this all through, and I would really like it to be the two of you that do the listening.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Rae had got into Steve's car she had started to formulate a few ideas in her head. First of all, Steve hadn't said the name of the person they were going to see, which meant that either they didn't have enough proof for an arrest, or they weren't going to see the suspect. This led her to realise that in her present condition taking her within about five miles of a suspect was a very bad idea, and so they were obviously going to see an informant. The previous evening she had told three people her ideas. For a moment she had to stop thinking, one of those people was now dead, and George, Steve hadn't mentioned George at all. He had gone very white when she had made her announcement, they had thought he just felt ill, but what if that hadn't been it? "Steve, was George at the station when the shooting occurred?"

Steve shook his head; "No, no he wasn't at work today."

"That's who we're going to see isn't it?" Rae got a nod this time, and realising that Steve didn't want to talk she returned to her thoughts. George had lost all his colour when she had said that the drive bys were linked by location and it looked to her like a date gone bad, a special date. But George was gay, nobody had ever told her that, she just knew, so why would there be a dress shop in the equation?  Rae began to go over and over what she had read, the shooter had to be a woman, in her mind there was no other option, but George was gay, he was a cop, the world didn't smile on gay cops. Slowly Rae began to get a glimmer of an idea, she shut her eyes, and for the rest of the journey to Van Nuys she let it roam unhindered around her brain and, as Steve drew up at their destination, she had a good idea of some of what she was going to hear.

The lights were still on in the front rooms of George Bannister's house and Steve waited and walked slowly up the path with Rae. The door opened as they arrived on the step and Joseph indicated for them to come straight in. Rae had seen George's partner before, but she had never spoken to him. She smiled now and then looked in horror at the three sofas in front of her. She knew without a doubt that if she sat on one of them she would never be able to get up again. "Ah, do you have a dining chair that I could sit on?" Rae could see the length of the extremely tidy room, but although she could see a dining table there didn't appear to be any chairs.

"Of course, hold on and I'll get you one. I'll call George too." Rae smiled and watched as the man went up to the dining table and opened a door in one end of it. Inside she could see shapes that she thought were the tops of chairs. She was proved correct as Joseph pulled at one and a dining chair appeared in his hand. He leant it up against the table and then carried on down and out of the room.  

Rae and Steve stood, a little awkwardly, in silence, as they waited for either Joseph, George or both of them to return. "Are you alright, Rae?" Steve looked at his partner, maybe it had been a mistake to bring her, already she looked tired and drawn.

"Yeah, just so sad, and angry. I guess we aren't saying anything about the fatalities until he has told us his story, otherwise he will clam up."

"I agree, I'll tell him at the end. He'll already know people have died, but no more than that, we have to get all the information now, this stinks, and the person responsible deserves to rot."

"Her name is Sandra Breth, when I was a patrolman over at Rampart she worked there as a civilian assistant. I was engaged to her."

Neither Steve nor Rae had heard George come into the room, and they turned in surprise at the sound of his voice. It was obvious that he had been sleeping, his hair was all mussed up and he sounded tired.

"I think you need to start at the beginning of all this, but first, I need to get on to Rampart. If she hit us, she might do the same there." Steve moved over towards the doorway again and began to make his call. The dining chair was now unfolded and as she sat down Rae looked over at George and Joseph sitting together on one of the sofas and waited for them to speak.

"Rae, how are you feeling? Are you back on duty yet?" George didn't want to make anything but small talk until Steve returned.

"No, and to be honest, I don't know if I will ever be, but Steve asked me to come with him tonight and so that is why I am here. George, why didn't you say something last night? Maybe this could have been avoided." Rae wasn't sure if that was the case, unless he knew where this woman lived. "Did you know she would target the station?"

"No, no, don't you think that I would have said something? She had only hit on stores, stores that had something to do with her and me, I thought she had finished."

"George, you know that people like that are never finished. There is always one more place to aim for, one more person who pisses you off." Rae tried to keep the emotion out of her voice, but she knew she wasn't succeeding.

"Yeah, I guess so… Did you get through?" George looked up at Steve as he came back to sit down.

"Well, all stations are on high alert anyway, but Rampart is gonna be especially vigilant. Now, George, you have got to tell us everything, and I mean everything. If I can save your job, well, I will try, but I need to know."

"It goes back to the beginning of my career; I was partnered with a guy called Jim Smith. He was a nice enough guy, bit of a fuss pot, had the tidiest locker in the precinct, used to polish his own desk, I guess it made him a bit of a target for the wisecracks and jokes." George paused for a moment and looked at Joseph. "Could you get me a drink of water? Guys, would you like anything?" Steve shook his head, and Rae mouthed 'no' and then they watched as Joseph left the room.

"He knows all of this, I just want you to realise that. Last night, after I got home I told him everything, and I mean everything, I just wish I had been man enough to tell you too. Guess that is what all of this stems from… me, not being man enough."

"George…" Rae began to speak but George shook his head.

"No, Rae, leave it. There is nothing that you can say that will change what I have and haven't done, so just listen, and try to keep an open mind." George looked round and gratefully took the proffered glass of water from his partner, after drinking a few mouthfuls he handed it back and began to speak once again.

"I wish I could say that I never joined in the jokes, but I can't. Oh, I wasn't as bad as the others, and I never ever cracked them when we were alone, or in the squad car, but if there was a group of guys, then I was determined to be one of them. It didn't seem to bother Jim, not at first anyway, but gradually it became clear that it was eating away at him. Then someone, I don't know who, started a rumour that he was gay. I didn't know if he was or not, and I didn't ask. Well, then the jokes started in earnest. If Jim thought he had it bad before, it was a picnic compared to what happened after that. He had a week of opening his locker and finding pink scarves and cravats in there. Another time every surface had been covered with pictures of naked ladies, and there was a big notice saying 'this is what real men like' or something like that, I can't remember exactly, it was a long time ago." George stopped again and looked for the glass of water. Once he had quenched his thirst again he took a deep breath and started to talk.

"We had a set of murders over there, three gay men were found, stabbed, and they had been mutilated around … well, I guess you know where. Some of the clues from those murders were never released to the public, and the mutilations came under that category." 

Rae looked at George, he was beginning to talk like a police evidence handbook, and she knew that he was getting to a difficult part of his tale.

"Jim got a letter, at home, and in it were all the details about what had been done to these guys, and I mean all the details, there were pictures as well, and it was obvious that whoever sent it knew all of the information relating to the case, which meant it was someone he worked with.  Well, he freaked out, he came into the station, and I thought he was gonna rip somebody's head off. He was hell to work with for a while, but things seemed to quiet down, and after a while, I sort of forgot about it. Then one day he came in and he was different, haunted, almost empty in one way, but … yeah,  haunted in another. It was as if he had nothing left to live for, but was watching over his shoulder the whole time … I'm not making much sense I know."

"George, just tell us what happened." Steve had sat in silence for the whole of George's story so far, but he was getting a bit itchy, he wanted to get on, get moving on this case and get this woman before she struck again.

"I knew by then that Jim wasn't gay, but he wasn't married either, and he still lived with his mother. Her name was Janice, and I remember him telling me that she was getting old and a little frail, and he was worried about her living on her own. Well, one morning a parcel arrived addressed to J. Smith, and so she opened it. It exploded in her face. It was one of those party popper things, and all the streamers just went bang as the lid was taken off. Jim got home from work to find the box still in her hands, his mother dead on the hallway carpet. He said that his mom had probably died of fright." George shuddered then and steadied himself.

"I tried to help him, but the fact that this had happened to him because people thought he was gay, well it put me off. He tried to get some sort of justice for his mom, but he never did, and gradually he just faded away, he had been a good, conscientious cop, his reports were always meticulously done, he had a reasonable clear up record, if you wanted something done properly you asked Jim Smith. Or you did until he lost his mother. He got sloppy; he did just enough to get by and nothing more. I found I was carrying him sometimes, and he was my superior. Then one day he came into work drunk. I saw him weave his way up the steps as I crossed the reception area, and I managed to turn him round and drive him home. Well, his house was like a condemned building. I put him to bed to sleep it off and I cleaned house for him, then I went back to work and lied for him, too. He never came back. Last I heard he was a security guard at one of those computer software places out in Silicone Valley, everything gone because some wise guy decided he was gay."

"George, I am really sorry about what happened to your partner, but what does it have to do with now, with what happened tonight?" Steve had been taking down the odd note, but so far he didn't have anything relevant staring back at him from the page.

"If that was what they did to someone they only thought was gay, can you imagine what they would have done if they had actual proof? So I did what any self respecting, terrified gay guy would do … I got myself a girlfriend. Sandy, Sandra Breth, she had smiled at me a few times when I had taken her work to file away, and even though I'm gay, I know a pretty girl when I see one, they don't bother me, excite me or interest me, but I know they are pretty, and she was that. So I asked her out, and she said yes. I thought I would date her for a month or two and then wave bye bye, and everybody would know I was straight and my problems would never materialise. It worked, except that twelve months later we were still together, and Sandy was dropping big hints about getting married. I should have ended it there and then, told her no, I didn't love her enough to marry her, it was the truth after all, but I couldn't. I didn't have the nerve, I was just plain chicken."

"George, stop it. Just stick to the story." It was Joseph who spoke, and his tone was stern and strong.

"We had been engaged for three months before I finally plucked up the courage to tell her. Unfortunately I chose the day that she had booked the church."

"A church, oh, God, Steve, she hasn't hit a church yet, George, which one was it?" Rae realised as George spoke that it wasn't, even now, over.

"I don't know which church it was, she didn't say, Saint … Saint something..."

"Most churches are, George, we need more information." Steve's voice was raised. He didn't want to have to deal with another drive by, and hitting a church would be almost too terrible to contemplate.

"I don't know, she didn't tell me. I wanted to speak, to tell her what I had to and then just leave, so I said that I couldn't go through with it, I wanted to stay single… I hurt her, real bad, I knew that then, and I know it still, but I didn't care, the relief when she said she never wanted to see me again was so overwhelming that I just knew I had done the right thing. She gave up her job at the station, I got promoted to Detective a few months after she left and I moved over here. I couldn't work with the jerks who had cost Jim his job and his sanity, and so I upped sticks and transferred to North Hollywood."

"And then what, George? So far, nothing you have told us ties in with this case. How did you know that my theory of a special date gone bad linked these killings to you?" Rae had been sitting on her hard chair for too long, and she tried to get to her feet as she spoke. "Sorry, Steve, could you help me, I just need to move for a little while."

George guessed correctly that Rae wouldn't want him to take any notice of her condition, and so he carried on talking. "Because, the evening I proposed to her we went to Mario's. The ring came from Rings 'n' Things, and I had sent her a dress special delivery during the day that she had admired in Dolly's Dresses, it was red, it swung out when she walked, and she looked stunning in it. She came and went in a cab, and she had new shoes to match her dress. But I didn't link it all together because until recently I hadn't seen her since the day I … dumped her … and she walked out of my life. I don't even know if she stayed in L.A. But she came back into my life, with a bang. I got a letter, this is the house I lived in when I worked in Rampart, and the letter said she was back and wanted to see me, I have no idea why, and I thought that if I didn't say anything, didn't do anything, then neither would she. I didn't even tell Joseph. When we got engaged she persuaded me to give her a key to my house. She still had it. About a week before the shootings started, Joe and I were home one night, we were just … just snuggled up on the sofa watching a movie, well, actually we weren't watching the movie at all, and she let herself in. She saw us kissing, and that was it. She just lost it. She yelled and screamed at me, and as for Joseph, well let's just say that if I didn't know how to restrain a suspect she would have really hurt him.  She called us freaks, perverts, and other things that I don't even want to think about. She still had the ring, it was on a chain around her neck and she pulled it off and threw it at me. Told me that I had been so pathetic in bed she should have guessed I was queer!" George stopped talking then, and Joseph began to speak.

"She looked round the room; we have some nice things, not as many as we did, because she just swept them down off the shelves onto the floor. If she saw anything that she recognised from her time with George she put it in her purse. Finally, she got to the dining table, it isn't here now, it was beautiful, solid teak, a wonderful golden colour and she picked up the candelabra that sat in the middle of it, turned it upside down and gouged out great lines across it. I tried to stop her but she was like a woman possessed and she just shrugged me off. Then she picked up a vase of flowers threw it at the wall and left."

"It was quiet for a couple of days after that," George had taken up the tale again. "We painted the wall, bought a new table, a few new ornaments and tried to forget it had happened. Then we got a package in the mail, I wasn't here when it arrived, but when Joe opened it, the box was full of the things she had taken, but every item had been smashed into little pieces. There was a note in with it which said, 'This is what I will do to you.' It wasn't signed, but I knew who it was from."

"And then the shootings started."

"And then the shootings started." George repeated Rae's statement word for word. 

"And you didn't connect the places on the list with the places that you had been?"

"No, I swear, not until you said about it the other night. I wasn't looking for that type of link, once Steve worked out the time line; I was searching for a disgruntled customer, or a creditor, something like that. I never gave her a thought."

"And you are certain that it is her, this Sandra Breth?"

"It has to be, the co-incidences are too big for it to be anybody else. Steve, I love being a cop, I don't want to have to stop just because I'm gay, that's discrimination, but I'm not strong enough to fight it, and I shouldn't have to.

"No, you shouldn't, but it isn't an ideal world, George, it is full of intolerant bigots. At least there are more fair and compassionate people, or I hope there are, or we are in trouble. The fanatical always make more noise than the law abiding, fair minded members of society, and unless you want this woman to get away with murder then what you have told us will, in some shape or form, have to be disclosed." Steve tried to sound fair, but he wasn't sure if he succeeded.

"I know, I just want you to leave out the bit about me being gay. I won't last five minutes as a cop once that gets out."

"Ok, say that I do agree to that, and I manage to get an arrest and a trial set up without mentioning it. Do you really think that she is gonna sit in court and not say why she did this? She's trying to ruin you, I have to say I can think of all sorts of things she could have done that she hasn't, she's setting you up gradually. I don't think the major payoff has happened yet."

George blanched a little at his superior officer's words, but he just nodded mutely.

"I need to go and set the wheels in motion to arrest this woman. Do you have an address for her, or where she was working, anything like that?"

"No, she walked out of my life like I told you and I haven't seen her since."

"We'll find her, but George, you need to know that five people so far have died from the station." He paused for a moment, but then, knowing that there was no gentle way of breaking the news, he just carried on talking, "and Dennis was one of them." Steve watched as the man in front of him crumbled. The tears started and he turned his head towards Joseph and the older man just held him while he cried.

Steve knew that nothing he could say would help but he knew he had to try. "Do you want me to get you moved to a safe house?"

Joseph shook his head, "No, thank you, I don't think she will kill us, like you said, she is setting George up, we will stay here, Lieutenant, this is home."

"Ok, but Joseph, I really think that George, and maybe you too, should go see someone to talk about all of this. I can give you some names from outside the department, or at least my dad can. I'll let you have them tomorrow or the next day, ok?" Steve saw the man nod and then his phone began to ring, and Steve moved away to answer it. "Sloan here, oh, hi, Jesse… no, I guess I'm not … yeah, I'll do that … and Jess…? Thanks." Steve put the phone in his pocket and moved back over to Rae. He placed a hand on her shoulder and she looked up into his eyes and she could see the sadness there. 

"Rae, George, Bob just died."


	6. Fight and Flight

**Fight and Flight**

Jesse came out of the room that housed Bob Mills and for a moment he sank into the chair positioned next to the door. He was sure that they were put there for exhausted ER doctors who needed to collect themselves before leaving the ICU. He really thought that they had lost Bob this time, but they had finally pulled him back. The sergeant had only just survived the surgery, and there was still no guarantee that he would be with them in the morning. As Jesse stood to return to the ER the alarms in the room behind him started again.

Amanda had been working late into the night on the bodies from the shooting at Steve's precinct, but she was just about finishing up. As she stood, and gently straightened her back, the phone began to ring. "Doctor Bentley … Jess…? No, I'll come up myself, you stay there." She put the phone back on its hook and, stopping only long enough to pick up a clean white coat, made her way to the ICU. Jesse was sitting in the hallway and she could see, even from the elevator doorway, that he was fighting to control his emotions. She was within touching distance of him before he even realised that she was there, and when he looked up she could see the anger and distress etched on his face.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve watched as Rae tried to contain her feelings, he knew that she had always had a good working relationship with Bob, he did too, but Bob and Rae had been friends, almost from the start of her time in LA. "Rae, do you want me to run you back to Jo's? We can re-group in the morning. I'll come back and finish up here."

"No, no, I'll stay. Who knows when I'll get another chance to be a cop?"

Steve's heart softened for a moment and he looked into her eyes. She had been without a vocation for so long that sometimes he forgot just how much she must miss it. "Ok, George, we need to finish this up and find Ms Breth. Do you have any idea of where she might be? Relatives she has here, friends, anything at all that could lead us to her? And a picture would be good."

George had been shaking his head, but then as Steve mentioned a picture he nodded and, without a word, got up moved over to a dark sideboard and opened one of the drawers. He rummaged around for a few minutes, muttering to himself, while the rest of them sat, or in Rae's case stood, in silence waiting for him. "Here, here it is. This is Sandy, but it's not current, when she came here her hair was different."

Steve looked at the picture he now held in his hand. Sandra Breth was roughly the same height as George, she was slim with shoulder length blonde hair and in the picture had a pair of blue jeans, dark blue jeans and a pure white, perfectly plain t-shirt on. The effect was stunning. She was standing with her arm around George, and together they looked like the perfect California couple.

"You know, George, I think I could do with that coffee about now." Steve looked at his younger colleague and Joseph, realising what he was getting at, stood and, taking his partner by the hand, headed down towards what Steve and Rae imagined was the kitchen.

Steve looked over at Rae and sighed. "We have to share this information don't we? There is no way we are gonna keep him out of this. Why the hell didn't he say something the other night? Six people would still be alive, his reputation would be intact and … and it wouldn't be me doing this." Steve ran his hands through his hair, and for a brief moment Rae smiled at him. 

"I thought he was ill when he had his dizzy spell at Bob's but he wasn't was he? He just realised that throughout the whole case he was the link. Poor guy, no wonder he didn't say anything."

"Rae, how can you say that?" Steve looked aghast at his partner.

"Ok, think about this for a moment. His whole world is about to come down around him. He's not a fool, Steve, he knows that his career is over, he will probably have to move, maybe even out of LA all together. Who would you choose to tell first? The Captain or Jo? He needed to come and speak with Joseph; I can understand that, where he was wrong was after he spoke to him. He should have contacted someone straight away, not waited until the next day."

"Which he spent cowering behind his sofa because he was scared, and that fear cost us six of LA's finest." The anger was coming out in Steve's voice now. He'd had a rotten day, he was tired, angry and he wanted to be home not sitting here waiting for a coffee he wouldn't drink, but had asked for so he could have some time to think.

"Steve, calm down … I know it's difficult, but you have to keep your composure, just a little while longer.  What we have to do is clear, not easy, but clear. You need to get an APB out on Ms Breth, and George needs to get in front of a photo programme on one of the station's computers, the ones that can change the details of a person's face. You know, age them, change their hair, add glasses, maybe a beard, although not in this case, that sort of thing. Then he is going to have to make an official statement, I hope we can prevent him from being charged, but you're right, there is going to be another victim in all this, George Bannister."

Steve just nodded, and then they heard the kitchen door open and Joseph came out, at the same time they heard a car start up. Steve was up on his feet "Dammit! Where the hell is he going, Joseph? And it better be the corner store for sugar or you are in big trouble."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had tossed and turned for a long while before she had finally managed to get off to sleep. She didn't think she had been dreaming for more than about thirty seconds when she heard the front door bell being rung insistently. Jo knew that Michael would get up and answer it, but she just needed to know who was there. Steve had a set of keys on the same bunch as the ones for his car so she knew that it wouldn't be him, but that worried her even more. She listened a moment or two longer, just to make sure that the noise hadn't woken Eliana and then she grabbed her robe and headed for the stairs. As she began her descent she saw Michael, his blue checked dressing gown wrapped properly around him, switch off the alarm and begin unlocking the bolts on the door.

"Doctor Travis, Sir, I apologise for not being up, we weren't expecting you to return tonight."

"Jess? Is everythin' all right? We thought you would be sleepin' at your house or the hospital tonight an' then comin' back here in the mornin'."

"I just had to stop; I wasn't any good to anybody anymore. I was so tired. I thought I would pick up Rae and Eliana tonight so that we could all sleep in tomorrow."

"Jesse, just come an' find yourself a bedroom, you can have your lie in here." Jo watched as Michael made the house secure once again, and then he moved over to where Jo was standing. 

"Madam, Sir, can I get either of you anything to eat or drink?"

"Michael no, I'm fine, I am plannin' on being back in my nice warm bed in a few minutes, once I have settled Jesse in. You go back to bed." 

"Sir, do you require anything?" Michael wasn't to be deterred; he would perform his duties whenever they were needed.

Jesse shook his head. "No, thank you, I had something to eat before I left the hospital."

"Good night, Michael, we will see you in the mornin'." Jo looked at her butler with an expression that told him not to argue, and so with a small smile he returned to his room.

Jo and Jesse walked up the staircase together and then Jesse turned to his friend. "I can sleep with Rae, she is used to me getting into bed after her, I won't wake her."

"She's not here; she's out workin' this case with Steve." Jo knew she was in trouble the moment the words left her lips.

"What!"

"Shhh, come in here with me, or you will wake everybody up, an' after the day we have all had we need our sleep!" Jo opened the door to her bedroom and ushered Jesse in. 

"How can she possibly be working? She isn't in a fit state to work." Jesse began talking again as soon as he was in through the door.

"Ok, Jesse, now just hold on a minute here. First of all, Steve needed her, an' second of all, she wanted to go. Jesse, you have been treatin' her like she was made of glass an' she isn't. I know she can't do all the things she used to, but this time she could help him. She needs to be needed; Jesse, an' Steve said that this guy would open up to her. I guess it must be workin' because they have been gone a good while."

"And that is supposed to make me feel better? I imagine that Eliana is still here, or did they take her off on this little jaunt of theirs too?"

"Jesse, for goodness sake. You have got to stop wrappin' her in cotton wool an' let her live a little. You know that Steve wouldn't take her anywhere if he thought he was going to endanger her, you, Rae an' Eliana are his second family he would never put them in any danger."

"Hah!" Jesse laugh was short and angry. "Yeah, right."

Jo knew that was how his argument with Steve had started, and she was not about to get into a shouting match with her best friend's husband. "Ok, Doctor Travis, this is my house an' I will thank you to keep a civil tongue in your head while you are my guest. I would suggest that before you find yourself with more bridges to re-build you head for a bed an' sleep for a while. In the mornin' everybody will be here, you can take your family home if that is what they want to do or they can stay a little longer. But now," Jo stopped a moment as she saw Jesse get ready to speak again. "But now, we are going to sleep. Your daughter is in her nursery, the room next to it is made up for you an' Rae, I would suggest you sleep there. Good night, Jesse." Jo leant over and kissed him gently on the cheek, then she turned, opened her bedroom door once more, and waited for him to leave.

For a moment it looked as if Jesse was going to continue with his argument, but then with a shake of the head he left the room and headed down the hallway. Once he was in the bedroom he pulled out his cell phone and made a call.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had opened the front door and rushed out into the street, but the car had disappeared down to the intersection and he knew that he would never catch it. As he was returning to the front room he heard a phone begin to ring and realised that it was Rae's.

"Steve, I'm sorry, can you help me?" Rae had the phone in her hand, but Steve knew that she couldn't hold it to her ear, so taking hold of it he did it for her. "Hello?" Steve saw her demeanour change as she heard the voice the other end. "Hi, Jess… No, he needed me to help him interview someone … No, he's busy right now … Jesse, I have no idea how long I will be, but if you don't get off the phone I will be much longer because I can't do my work …Yes, I know I am, I am hardly likely to forget now am I…? And if you take that tone with me I will get Steve to drop me at home, and I won't come back to Texas's place at all… Good night, Jesse!" Rae looked at Steve and he cut the connection.

"I guess I'm in even more trouble with him now?" Steve shook his head. There was no doubt about it, his friend had changed and not for the better over the last few months. He knew that Jesse had been under an enormous amount of pressure, but so had he, and Jesse wasn't handling it very well.

"He's just worried about me, Steve. We haven't found a happy medium yet, because I am so dependent on him. _And about to get even more so._ But we will. I love him, Steve and I can't let everything we have get spoilt, not now. Let's just deal with this now, and I will sort Jesse out later. We need to work out what to do about George," Rae looked at the man standing across the room from her, and she could see no remorse in his face. "Joseph, why did you let him run? You know it will be way worse for him now. We need him to get this case wrapped up, he is the only one who really knows this woman, and I have to say that on top of withholding evidence, running away makes him look guilty of even more than poor judgement and weak character." 

"I let him run because I wasn't about to let you crucify him." 

"Oh, come on. We have sat here for …" Steve checked his watch and found to his amazement that it was just coming up to three in the morning. "Hours, listening to his story, when we could have taken him to the station straight away. I have tried to give him as much leeway as I could, and treat him with compassion, and all he has done is spit in my face! If he comes back I suggest that you convince him to come to the station to see me in the morning, if he doesn't there will be a warrant for his arrest issued as soon as I arrive. The leeway ends then." Steve moved over towards the door. "Rae, I think it's time we left."

Rae moved slowly towards the door. She had been standing up for a long time, and her knees were really hurting her.  She managed to get to the door and was extremely relieved and grateful when she felt Steve's arm go round her. As the front door was shut behind them without another word being spoken Rae leant in towards Steve and hoped that her legs would last as far as the car.

"Honey, are you all right? I can carry you if you would like?" Steve was instantly concerned about her. By the way she was leaning into him he was almost carrying her already.

"No, no I will do it, just don't move away from me." Rae slowly and painfully walked down towards the car. It hadn't seemed a very long path on the way up, but it sure did now. Finally, she realised Steve had pressed his remote control and the doors had all unlocked and then he carefully helped her into her seat. Rae shut her eyes for a moment as she let the effects of the exertion slowly dissipate, and then she opened them again. "Thank you. Thank you, for letting me be a part of it all again. But now I think I need to go to bed, and I am absolutely certain that you do."

"I think I have to go back to the station first, and to the hospital…"

"No, Steve, call if you want, both places, now, before we leave here, then you have to go and rest. This has been traumatic for all of us, you especially, and you need to recuperate before starting again tomorrow."

Steve looked over at his partner and knew that she was right, he was exhausted, mentally and physically, and all he wanted to do was get into a nice warm bed, cuddle up to Jo and sleep for a week. "Ok, I guess you're right. Let me make the calls and then we can go home."

"Only if you do me a favour first."

"What's that?" Steve looked concerned as he heard Rae ask.

"Could you put the heater on? I'm freezing."

With a smile Steve did as he was asked, and then he put his two calls through. There had been no change in the condition of the officers at Community General, and Cheryl was sleeping. He checked with the station, and confirmed the details of his APB, and said that he would fax the picture to them once he got home. Then with a sigh Steve started the car and headed back to Beverley Hills.

Steve let himself and Rae quietly into the house through the laundry room, silencing the alarm and re-setting it as he did so. Then they moved slowly into the main hallway. Rae was having trouble walking and in the end she had to stop and lean back against the nearest wall.

"Rae, are you all right?" Steve spoke in a whisper but the concern was evident in his voice.

"I don't think I am going to make it up those stairs tonight, can I sleep in the living room?"

"I guess so, if you are sure it won't damage your neck. I can help you up the stairs though, there isn't that much of you, I can probably carry you up." Steve looked at his partner, she was very thin, and he knew that part of that was because it was so difficult for her to actually eat anything unaided.

"Ok, I would rather sleep in a bed, let's give it a go then." Rae felt herself being lifted up into Steve's arms, and she felt instantly safe. She knew that he wouldn't rush and so she leant into his chest and just let him take her slowly and carefully up the stairs. Once they got to the top Steve moved down to the room next to the nursery, which was where Rae and Jesse always slept when they stayed, and carefully opened the door with one hand. Rae kissed him gently on the cheek and then felt herself being lowered to the ground.

"Well, it's about time you got back!" The voice flew out of the darkness, and Steve let Rae fall the last few feet to the floor.

"Arghhh."

"Rae, are you alright?" Steve's voice was anxious and he flicked on the light and crouched down to where Rae was lying.

A glow from Steve's room was suddenly visible under the door and Jo put her head out into the hallway. "Steve?"

"Jo, it's all right, I'll be with you in just a minute."  

Steve's tone told Jo to stay where she was. "Ok." The door shut again, but the light stayed on.

For a few minutes Rae couldn't speak as the fire-like pain spread through her. Jesse moved over and crouched down the other side of her to Steve, and Rae leant in towards him. Gradually she started to control herself and began to speak, albeit very faintly. "Steve… could you put me on the bed … please?"

Very carefully Steve picked her back up and laid her gently on the bed. He watched as Jesse stood there, not saying another word just taking in everything that was happening. Eventually Rae had her breath again and she began to speak to her husband.

"What time did you get back, Jess? I thought you would be working at the hospital tonight."

"I'll just bet you did. Is that why you went gallivanting all over LA, Detective?"

Rae felt the anger well up inside her but she forced it back down. "Jesse, I am delighted that you are here, but I am really tired, could we talk about this in the morning do you think?"

"It is the morning, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Jesse, go to sleep, Steve, thank you for bringing me up the stairs, I will see you later, ok?"

"Ok, Rae, and I'm really sorry. Sleep tight now… Jesse." Steve turned and moved over towards the door. "Do you want the light left on?"

"I know you are, but it was an accident. Yes, please leave the light; I never was much good at getting undressed in the dark." Rae smiled at Steve but she was relieved when he left the room. "Jesse, do you think you could help me?"

With a grunt Jesse moved round to Rae's side of the room, then he carefully undid the buttons on her shirt and trousers, and helped her out of her arm brace. As he pulled her trousers down he gasped. Her left knee was extremely swollen. "Rae, your knee, did you hurt it when Steve dropped you?"

"A bit I think, but I've been using it more than usual, and it was very painful anyway… Jesse, don't. Don't say anything now, just let us sleep, we can talk tomorrow. I need to talk to you, but right now, more than anything I need to feel you next to me as I fall asleep."

Jesse looked at her, and he could see something in her eyes, but he wasn't sure what it was, he wondered if it was fear, maybe even desperation, but he wasn't sure, he knew, however, that now wasn't the time to press it, and so he just nodded and then he walked back round, climbed into bed, and gently moulded his body around that of his wife, and within five minutes, sleep had claimed them both.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was almost lunchtime before Steve, Rae or Jesse woke up. Jesse was scheduled to work a night shift and Steve wasn't shifted at all. He was just working all the hours available to him to try to sort out his caseload. He grabbed a sandwich in the kitchen, and ate it quickly under the watchful eye of Michael. Then he picked up two apples, a packet of potato chips and a can of soda and headed for the door. "I have no idea when I'll be back, Michael, so don't plan dinner for me, I'm sure I'll find the odd crust somewhere when I get home."

"Very good, Sir. I will make sure that there is a cold meal in the refrigerator, awaiting your return."

Steve stopped where he was and turned. He moved over to the upright English butler and smiled. "Michael, I don't know if I have ever said anything to you before, but you really are a marvel. I know that my eating habits are difficult to predict, but I have never, in all the time I have lived in this house, been left hungry and I really do appreciate everything that you do for me. Thank you." Steve didn't want to embarrass the man anymore than he had a feeling he already had, so he smiled and then resumed his course out to the garage, and began his journey into work.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae woke up and for a moment she couldn't work out where she was. Then she saw the sun shining in through the deep and heavy gold brocade curtains and knew instantly, she was at Texas's house. "Jesse?"

"Mmm, what, Rae?" Jesse had been drifting in and out of sleep for about an hour. He didn't usually get the chance to do so, and he had been enjoying the sensation. His daughter had woken him just after eight, but Jo had come into the nursery at the same time as him, and she had taken Eliana downstairs, told him to go back to bed, and take as long as he wanted. Jesse had been so tired that he hadn't needed telling twice, but now as he heard Rae next to him, he began to wake up properly, and he turned and looked at her. "Hey, beautiful, how are you this morning?"

Rae had smiled at him, and blinked back a tear. "You haven't called me that in a very long time. I am way better for hearing you say that… Thank you, Jesse."

Jesse felt instantly guilty. He hadn't thought before he spoke, and to him she was the most beautiful woman in the world, but he realised that it had been a long time since he had treated her as such. "Would you like a cuddle?"

"Yes please, can you do the manoeuvring? Every part of me aches at the moment." Rae shut her eyes and felt Jesse's arms go around her and she realised that she was moving just slightly and then she was able to lean into Jesse's chest, and she felt his arms around her. "Thank you." Rae just lay there. The feelings of security and love that were surrounding her were ones she didn't ever want to go away. It was as if, for a moment in time, she was under a spell, and if she moved she would break it. Jesse must have felt the same because he neither spoke nor moved, and they just lay, in each other's arms, and took refuge there.

Rae had no idea how much time had passed before there was a light knock on the door, but she imagined that it was at least thirty minutes. "Come in."  The door opened slowly, and Michael entered, a tray in his hands.

"I thought that maybe Sir and Madam would like a cup of tea, and to know that luncheon will be served in twenty minutes."

"Michael, thank you, how thoughtful of you." Rae smiled, and Michael smiled back. Although he would never admit it, it was extremely gratifying to be so appreciated.

Jesse helped Rae to sit up, making sure that all the pillows were behind her to support her, and then they sat and drank their tea.

"Jesse, I need to talk to you about last night." Rae waited while Jesse moved the cup he had been holding up for her to drink from and put it back on the tray.

"Yeah, I know. Rae, you can't do that any more, go rushing off like that…"

"I know that, Jesse, I realised last night that I am never gonna get back to a state of fitness where I can be a useful cop any more. That part of my life is over. When we get home I will write my letter of resignation."

"Oh, Rae, I am so sorry…"

"No, Jesse, you aren't, not really. You have never liked me being a cop, I knew that almost from the beginning, but you tolerated it, and you let me do my job. It was just the rest of the world that seemed intent on stopping me. But last night, last night we were only interviewing… a man who had information on the drive by's. I couldn't even do that without my injury getting in the way. I had to have a special chair to sit in, then I had to stand, by the time we left the house I could hardly walk, and Steve had to almost carry me to the car.  I have to face it, Jesse, my career is over. I guess you will get your wish. I will be housebound; you will always know exactly where I am." Rae shut her eyes, and a single tear ran down her cheek. She couldn't move to brush it away and so it trickled all the way down and then ran under her chin, and Jesse saw it travel along the scar she now had on her throat, and he thought his heart would break for her.

"Rae, I really am sorry. You're right, I don't want you to be a police officer, and I will be glad that you aren't in danger every day, but I know that being a cop is part of who you are, and to be unable to do it … well, I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling, but I love you, Rae, and I will help you get over your loss, because that is what it is, a loss." He pulled her towards him then, and felt her shudder in his arms. The tears didn't last for long, but for a brief moment they engulfed her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Steve had got to the precinct the parking lot had been re-opened and he was able to park in his normal space. He thought back to the severed arm that had been found there the day before. He really didn't need a dismembered body case along with the drive by's, but it wasn't up to him what cases he got assigned, and so he had to just deal with it. _A policeman's lot is not a happy one._ He smiled, he had no idea where that came from, but some days it was true.

There was a new face on the reception desk, and Steve moved over to introduce himself. "Hi, I'm Lieutenant Steve Sloan." He held out his hand, and was pleased when the young woman there shook it. 

"Hi, my name is Alison, Sergeant Alison Royle." Alison smiled, she'd had a difficult few hours, and this man was the first one to actually speak to her as a human being.

"I just wanted to say hello, I guess that, for now at least, you are Bob's replacement?"

The young lady nodded her head. "Yeah, I used to man the desk over at Rampart, but they asked me last night if I would transfer here. This is a much nicer place to work so I had no hesitation, I said yes. I knew Bob; I had spoken to him on the phone, although I had never met him. He was a nice guy; I was flattered to be asked to replace him… Sorry, I talk too much when I am nervous."

"That's ok. Did you say Rampart?" Steve saw her nod. "Ok, I need to ask you some questions; I don't suppose you have a break coming up in the next thirty seconds do you?"

"No, Lieutenant, I'm sorry, but I could get someone to cover for me for a while, I guess."

"I'll do it, then they won't think you're slacking." Steve picked up the phone, and dialled. Ten minutes later, Alison was sitting on one side of his desk as Steve asked her questions from the other.

"Did you know a Sandra Breth when you worked at Rampart?"

Alison thought for a moment and then she nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I did. Strange lady, beautiful, absolutely stunning, but she never seemed to date. There were rumours, you know, but then she started to go out with a guy…" Alison tapped her fingers on the desk as she tried to remember. "Nope, can't remember his name, but he was as drop dead gorgeous as she was, and together they were just almost too perfect, if you know what I mean. They were engaged, but I heard that he got cold feet, anyway Alison left the station, heard she even left the state, whatever, I haven't seen her since, why?"

"Is this her?" Steve took out the picture of Sandy and George and showed it to Alison.

"Yeah, that's her; I mean look, blue jeans and a t-shirt, on you or me that would just look ordinary, well, on me anyway." Alison looked at the detective in front of her, and realised that on him it would probably look pretty damn good. "But on her, well, she was front page news all the way."

"You don't know how right you are." Steve paused for a moment. "Do you have any idea where she is now?" He saw Alison shake her head, "or know of anybody who might have an address for her. I need to find her, and fast."

"I don't remember her being particularly friendly with anyone, she was ok, but a little bit on the outside looking in if you know what I mean, well, until she started to date George." Alison snapped her fingers. "There, I knew it would come to me, his name was George, and then she became a bit more popular. Most of the girls at Rampart would have given anything to go out with George, but he was very particular who he dated, and she was the first woman from the station he ever went out with."

"What about the people who worked with her. She was a civilian administration assistant wasn't she?"  Steve had sent through the details of Sandra Breth last night after he had helped Rae to bed, and this morning he had found a note on his desk saying that there was no record of anyone of that name living within the greater Los Angeles area, so he was still at a dead stall. "You said that she was engaged, I don't suppose you know where she was planning to get married do you?" Steve's pencil was rushing across the paper as he tried to take down everything that Alison said.

"Now it's funny you should say that, yeah I do. I heard her talking to one of the women she worked with. Patsy her name was, she was just a lovely lady, Sandy was saying that she really needed to talk to George about the wedding, because she had a feeling that she had never mentioned to him that she was actually a Catholic, and she wanted to get married in Saint … Saint… it was a real strange name for a saint, not Peter, or anything like that." Alison shook her head, "Nope, sorry, it's a long time since I thought of any of this stuff."

"What about Patsy? Would she remember do you think?" Steve had caught up with what Alison was saying and so he laid his pencil down.

Alison shook her head. "No, sorry, Patsy died about a year ago, she had a heart attack."

"Great! But why should I be surprised?" Steve saw the puzzled look on the sergeant's face and smiled. "Alison, thank you, you have been a great help, but I need a break in this case, and I'm just not getting it." Steve watched as Alison rose to her feet and turned to go back to work, and then with a sigh he picked up the phone and put a call through to George Bannister's home number. "Joseph, it's Steve Sloan, did George come back…? I see, I meant what I said last night … Yeah, well, if he does come back I expect to be notified…Ok, bye." Steve shook his head and then with a heavy heart began to set the wheels in motion to organise an arrest warrant for a fellow officer.


	7. Body of Evidence

**Body of Evidence**

Rae had let Jesse get up first and have his shower before she had hers. As she heard the water stop she moved the covers back carefully with her right hand and swung her legs out of bed. Her left knee was still swollen up from where she had stood on it for a long time the night before, and then had hit it hard against the floor when Steve had dropped her.

Jesse had just finished drying himself off, and had pulled on his shorts when he heard Rae cry out from the bedroom, and he hurried back in. For a moment he couldn't see her, and his heart began to beat loudly, then, as he moved over to her side of the room, he saw her lying on the floor, where it appeared she had fallen from the bed. Jesse could tell that she was crying, and making no effort to move herself from the obviously painful way that she was laying.

"Rae, Sweetheart, what happened?" Jesse crouched down beside her and began to carefully assess the situation. As he did so there was a knock and a very worried looking Jo put her head round the door.

"Jesse? Are you all right, we heard a loud thud downstairs."

"No, I don't think we are, I'm gonna need to get Rae to the hospital. Something's not right, but she did go off playing cop last night, and then that boyfriend of yours dropped her!" Jesse wasn't angry with Jo, but she was an easy target for his temper and feelings of helplessness.

Rae still hadn't spoken a word, but the tears had stopped. She had her head resting on the floor, and her eyes were closed. Rae heard the voices and then felt a gentle hand stroke her face and she lay there not really knowing what to do. "Rae, I'm gonna move you, very carefully, into a more comfortable position. I don't need to move your bad leg, ok? I just want to support your shoulders and neck and get your right arm and body into a robe so you don't get cold."

"Ok." The voice was very quiet, and Jesse planted a kiss on her forehead before moving her. Rae managed not to cry out, but the effort meant that she was unable to stop the tears from falling, and although it had taken Jesse only a minute to make his wife comfortable, and another two or three to make sure she was warm, it took far longer for her to get herself under control once more.

"Jesse, you go an' get yourself dressed, I will talk to Rae an' keep her company." Jo watched as Jesse just nodded and then turned away without a word, and she sat on the floor and took her friend's hand in her own. "Rae, Honey, what's wrong? I thought you would be so pleased to have gone out with Steve last night, an' what is this about him droppin' you?" There was no reaction from Rae, and so Jo squeezed her hand. She wasn't sure how much pain Rae suffered in her fingers, but as she studied her face she could tell that she had added to her agony and she released her hold a little.

"I can't do it any more, Texas, all … all I did was talk to G … someone, and look at me, I couldn't even get out of bed without ending up on the floor. I'm gonna have another baby; I won't be able to look after that either. Oh, God, Texas, sometimes I think I would be better off if Jesse hadn't saved me!" The tears started again, and Jo carefully rubbed her friend's hand, not really sure what else to do. She looked around, but it seemed, thankfully, as if Jesse hadn't heard what Rae had just said.

"Rae? Another baby, you're pregnant again? But, Honey, that is just wonderful I didn't even know that you were trying for another baby."

"We weren't. Texas, we've only made love once in I don't know how long, and I get pregnant. I don't think I can cope with any of this any more." Jo didn't say anything; she just stayed close to her friend, until Jesse came back out of the bathroom but as she saw his face she knew that she had been wrong, he had heard every word that Rae had said.

"Jesse, she is so upset right now, I know she didn't mean that." Jo tried to smile at the devastated young man in front of her. "Her whole life is in turmoil, but you're right, she does need to get to the hospital, she might even need to stay there for a while. You sit with her an' I'll get her some clean nightclothes. She can take somethin' of mine."

"Thank you, Jo. Do you have a nightie that will fit her? Her knee is so swollen up that I don't think she will get into anything else."

Jo looked at Rae's legs, and she could see that Jesse was right. "How did that happen, Jesse? An' how did Steve drop her?"

"Well, I guess he dropped her because I startled him, but she just used it too much." Jesse tried a small smile; he knew that he couldn't go on blaming everything on Steve, not if he ever wanted to get his friend back.

It took the ambulance just over half an hour to get to Jo's house and prepare Rae to go to the hospital. For the first ten minutes or so Mark had waited very anxiously downstairs and, in the end, had come up to see for himself what was going on. Then he had sat with her while Jesse went to talk with Michael and Jo called ahead to let Wil Collins know that Rae was coming in.

"Mark," Rae's voice was soft and low.

"Yes, Sweetie," Mark moved his chair a little closer to her as he heard fear in that single word. Rae was still on the floor, and she was too emotionally drained to even care.

"Do you ever think about retiring?"

"Lately, I have thought about it a lot. I'm not as young as I used to be, and this injury, well, it's taking a long time to stop hurting. But normally, I would have to say no why, because you have?"

"I don't see how I have any other choice. I only went to talk with George Bannister last night, Mark. I had to be given a special chair because I couldn't sit on their sofa, then I had to stand up because my leg hurt so much that I just had to move. But that didn't work either. By the time we were ready to come away I could hardly stand, and I know I wouldn't have made it to the car if Steve hadn't been there to help me. I have to face it, Mark, I can't be a cop any more."

"Rae, I am so sorry. I know that Steve would be devastated if he couldn't do the job he loves, and I am sure you feel the same. But you have Jesse and Eliana at home for you, they love and need you, maybe even more than the City does, don't forget that."

"Did you know I'm having another baby?" Rae moved her head slightly. It didn't seem to hurt quite so much at the moment, but that could just be because the pain from her leg was shutting it out.

"No, oh, Honey, that's wonderful, you must be so pleased." Mark's smiling face made Rae realise that she was pleased about it, at least a little bit.

"I guess I am, but mostly I'm just scared. I'll have two children under the age of two, I won't be able to cope with that either."

"Sure you will, look at all the back up you have. There's Jesse for a start, he is a devoted dad, and husband, and then Steve, well, if he knows you are gonna have two babies in the house he might just move in with you! Jo and Michael will help too, and so will Amanda, Alex and I. Rae, I know you think your life looks pretty bleak right now, but it will get better, and you'll find that you have more friends than you thought."

"Thank you, Mark." Rae smiled and, for the first time since she had got out of bed, it was a proper smile. The door opened at that moment and Jesse's face appeared and although Rae couldn't see them, two paramedics were standing behind him.

"Ok, your carriage awaits, are you ready to go? Michael is gonna have Eliana while we're gone." Jesse swallowed deeply. He really didn't want to leave his daughter behind, every part of him screamed that they should take her to the hospital, but he also wanted to go into the examination room with Rae, and he knew that he couldn't do that if Eliana was with them. He moved over and stood to one side while the ambulance men carefully picked Rae up, and put her onto the gurney.  "And when we get home I am gonna cook you a proper meal and you are gonna eat it all, ok?"

"Yes, Jesse," Rae smiled up at him, Mark was right, Jesse did love her, and she needed to remember that.

Jesse wasn't sure what had changed, but he knew that something that Mark had said made Rae feel just a little easier. With a grateful smile to his friend he let him walk ahead of him and open the bedroom door wide, then they all made their way carefully down the stairs, and Jesse could see Michael waiting with Eliana in his arms by the front door. The little girl began to squirm as she saw not only her daddy but her mommy too, coming towards her. The journey was only halted once, so that Rae could kiss her little girl.

"Bye, Ana, I will see you later, ok?" Rae looked at her daughter, she was so beautiful, and she knew that Jesse would love to have another one just like her. It was selfish to be considering only herself. By the time Rae had stopped thinking Jesse was climbing into the ambulance beside her and Jo was talking to her from the open doors of the vehicle.

"Now, you make sure that you tell Wil everythin' I don't want to hear that you have been leavin' things out. You don't have to go in there with a smile on your face an' try to pretend that everythin' is just wonderful. It isn't an' he needs to know that, ok?"

"Yes, Mom." Rae smiled at her friend, and then the doors were closed and Jo watched as they carefully pulled away.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve headed towards Captain Newman's door, not really knowing how he was going to discuss the drive by shootings but definitely knowing that he had to give him as much information as he could. He knocked on the door and waited.

"Enter… Ah, Lieutenant Sloan, I was just about to send for you, sit down, sit down. What information do you have for me?" The Captain looked up at his officer and could see the strain and fatigue in his eyes that was apparent in most of his men at the moment. 

"We have a suspect, Sir, but I have no idea where she is, or whether she will hit anywhere else…" Steve stopped talking as he saw his Captain wanted to interrupt.

"She, you are absolutely sure that this shooter is a woman?" 

"Yes, Sir. It was Detective Yeager who finally worked out the link between the locations of the shootings, that was before the station was hit, Sir. Then one of the detectives here realised that he was the link between the locations and the perp." Steve paused, he knew that there was no way to get around the naming of names, he just hoped that there was some way to save George's career for him, that is if he wanted it saved. Running had been a stupid thing to do, and might have just blown any chance he had of holding on to his job.

"I see. And do you plan to let me know who this detective is, or do I have to play twenty questions?"

"No, Sir, sorry, Sir. It's George Bannister. He used to go out with the suspect, he was engaged to her. Her name is Sandra Breth."

"Bannister? George Bannister was engaged, to a woman? But I thought …" The Captain didn't finish his sentence, but Steve knew exactly what he was going to say.

"Yes, Sir, but you know just how tolerant the force is of, of … the minorities." Steve didn't really know whether it was wise to continue speaking.

"So, what was this link? Let me see." The Captain picked up the folder from his desk and took out a sheet of paper. "A pizzeria, a dress shop, taxi company, florist, shoe store, jewellers and then a police station. Ok, I'm guessing that the station was hit because George worked here, they were engaged, you said." Newman looked up and saw Steve nod. "That would be the jewellers; does the dress store sell wedding dresses?"

Steve remembered the visit to Dolly's Dresses, from what George had said about the red dress he had bought from there it must have been the most daring thing they ever stocked. "No, Sir, I guess Rae or Cheryl would have more experience than I've got, but I'd say it definitely wasn't the place to go for a wedding gown."

"Mmm. Well, knowing what we know now, they all have something to do with the relationship between Bannister and Breth. Places they visited together? No, we don't have time for me to think this through, just carry on with your report, Lieutenant."

"Yes, Sir. Rae thought that the link was a special date, and because of the nature of the crimes, a special date gone bad. Well, as you know, I had an open house at Bob's the other night, for the homicide cops, and she came along. She told me her theory while she was there, and then George had what, at the time, we thought was a fainting spell. He didn't come to work yesterday, and after I spoke to Campbell …" Steve paused for a moment as he realised that it had been the last time he ever saw the friendly, talented detective. "After I spoke to Campbell, I headed out for Van Nuys to see if Bannister was ok."

"And I imagine that he wasn't overly pleased to see you?" The Captain was trying not to interrupt but he was anxious to hear what had happened.

"Actually, I don't think he really knew whether he was pleased or terrified."  Steve took a deep breath and began to explain what had happened the first time he had visited with George and Joseph.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wil Collins hadn't been alone when Rae and Jesse had arrived in the examination room they had been directed to by a very happy looking Shannon. 

"Alex? When did you get back, are you working already?" Rae was delighted to see her own doctor back in the hospital again, in his rightful position.

Alex had been the last stabbing victim of Louise Willis. He had been bringing Eliana up to see her mom, but had been attacked as he entered the room. The knife had nicked his heart, and he had only survived because Wil Collins had been able to operate on him almost immediately. He had spent the last two months recuperating with his own mom, and Rae had missed his presence in her life. 

"I got back yesterday morning, and then proceeded to spend the rest of the day asleep, and no, I'm not working yet, but I had an appointment with Wil this morning, and he told me you were coming in, and asked me if I would stay. Honey, I am so pleased to hear about your baby, you must be so happy, although a little concerned too, I would guess."

"That just about describes it." Rae smiled, but this time it didn't reach her eyes, and Alex moved over and stood beside her. 

"Rae, what's the matter?"

"Lots of things. But maybe you could examine me first, get the physically painful bit out of the way… Jess, could you go see if Lauren is available today? I think I need to see her too." Rae felt her husband move from his position at the foot of the gurney and then he too was standing by her side.

"I would rather stay here while you have your examination, I can call through to her afterwards."

Rae was about to tell him no, but she could see from the look on his face, that he needed to be with her. "Please, Jess, we won't start without you." After Rae had finished speaking she lay back and shut her eyes. Just the exertion of moving from the ambulance gurney to the bed was exhausting, and she guessed that with all that she had on her mind as well, her body was just on overload. She heard Jesse speaking with Lauren, or her secretary, and then she knew that he was back standing near her.

"Rae, whatever did you do to your knee? It looks almost like it did when you first arrived here from the jail." Alex was horrified by the swelling on Rae's left leg, and as he moved her robe away and placed his hand gently on it he felt his patient jump beneath him. "Ok, I'm sorry, it's all right, I'll stop for a moment."

"I went out last night, I was helping Steve interrogate someone, and then, well, he carried me up to bed and he dropped me."

"He dropped you?" Wil sounded incredulous. "How did he drop you?"

"I startled him, and he let go of her. I think that she landed on her knee." Jesse looked shamefaced. He knew that part of this was his fault.

"Rae, this is gonna hurt, you know that, don't you? But I have to examine you, thoroughly." Alex looked over at Jesse and nodded. He moved quietly up to Rae's head, then after smiling at her, moved down a little, and took hold of her right hand.

Alex began to gently flex Rae's right leg, and it was clear that although she was in some pain the knee was on the mend. He moved over to the left one, and carefully placed his hand underneath it. 

"Arghhh, Alex, no!" Rae had been determined to keep quiet and relaxed, but as soon as Alex had begun to move her leg she had been unable to stop herself from crying out. She felt her doctor's hand move back as soon as he heard her. 

"Ok, Rae, I've stopped. Why don't you show me just how much you can actually move that?" Alex watched carefully as Rae began to do as she was asked, but it was apparent from the small amount that Rae was actually able to flex her knee, that her left leg was all but useless.

"I tried to stand on it this morning, but it wouldn't hold me, and … and once I was on the floor, I couldn't get back up. I thought I was supposed to use it, aggressive physical therapy, that's what I was told." Rae swallowed down her distress, she knew that there was a lot more of her examination to come, and she wanted it over with, not prolonged because she couldn't continue.

"What about your arms, Rae? Have they improved any while I have been away?" Alex had Rae's file in his hand now, or the relevant part, there was an extremely thick bundle of notes on the table, and a file up on the computer screen.

"Well, I can move my neck a little easier, I think, and my right arm is a little more useful than it was, but my left arm is just the same. I try to move it, every day, before I put on your wonderful brace, but I never can. I can move my right arm so that I can carry Eliana, but I know that the heavier she gets the harder it will become. With practice I can do a few things, I feed her lunch to her, make coffee and tea, I even made a lasagne the other night, but everything takes so long, and if it is outside of my movement arc for my right arm then I just can't do it."

Alex had smiled at the reference to the brace, but his face grew grave as he listened to the rest of Rae's explanation. "If I asked you to brush your hair could you do it?" 

"No, that's too high up. I can't get my head to my hand or vice versa. Teeth cleaning is out too, and washing my face, and I gave up on make up as soon as I got home."

"Can you put your shoes on and do them up?" It was Wil who asked the question, and Rae carefully turned her head so that she was facing him. They all saw the shadow of pain that crossed her face, and waited for her to relax again. 

"I don't know, but I can't put socks on so I would guess at no. My shoes are slip ons, because they are easier. If Jesse isn't there I can't get dressed. I have to stay in my night clothes all day."

"Ok, Rae, I want to admit you for a couple of days…No, Rae, let me finish, then you can talk. I think you should have another MRI on that knee, and I want you to speak with Doctor Tammai, who specialises in brachial plexus injuries. I know you are in your first trimester of pregnancy, and any surgery would be inadvisable, but I think that we have left things to go on their own for long enough. We need to get some expert advice now. Especially in your line of work, you need to know what the prognosis is." Alex was surprised to see tears appear in Rae's eyes as he spoke.

"I know what the prognosis is, Alex. If I was at home today I would have written my letter of resignation. I can't do my job any more; I have to let it go." Rae closed her eyes, and Alex, remembering her recent stay in the hospital when she had been injured by Louise Willis, knew that she didn't want to continue the conversation any longer.

"I've checked your records, and Wil had already set the wheels in motion for you to come back into the hospital for evaluation, so I'm going to go get you admitted and bring that assessment forward a few days. Jesse, maybe you could gather up her things, and then I will come and let you know what room she will be in."

Jesse nodded; it wasn't a job that would take long. Rae had Jo's nightie to put on when they got to the room, and that, the robe she had travelled in and her toilet bag was all she had.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It had taken Steve over an hour to give the Captain all the details of the discussions he had noted down from his visits with George Bannister. When he had described how the frightened detective had run as it became clear that he was going to have to come into the station and give a statement Steve thought that Newman was going to burst a blood vessel.

"He ran? Good God, whatever did he think he would achieve by that? What have you done about it?"

"I put an APB out on Breth last night, and one on George this morning. Sir, he's scared, scared for his career, his relationship, everything that is important to him, and he feels responsible for what happened here yesterday."

"He **is** responsible. If he had let you know all of the information earlier maybe we could have prevented it." The Captain's voice was tight and Steve could tell that he was holding on to his temper by the slimmest margin.

"No, Sir, I don't think we could. I was with George when I got the call about what happened here. He said that he thought the shooting was over. That all the stores were related to the relationship, and at the time I couldn't see anywhere else that would be hit either. We were just discussing who was responsible for the shootings when Cheryl called me. Sir, even if George had told us at Bob's I don't think we would have been able to prevent what happened here." As Steve stopped talking the phone on the Captain's desk began to ring.

"Newman… yes, he's here, who's calling? Oh, I see, I think I should take that … yes I said that I'll take it… Good afternoon, Mr. Logan, this is Captain Newman… I see, well, I think you need to talk to him once again and explain to him that his current course of action is doing nothing to aid his cause. We need him here, he has information available to no one else, and without him this could go on unchecked for a very long time… No, I don't see it that way at all. There is always one more target, one more victim … and if he has the ability to stop this, then he also has an obligation, not only to himself and the families of the victims, but also to his badge, to come back here and help us to close this case… Yes, Mr. Logan, I am well aware of that, but unfortunately, sometimes life isn't fair, and we have to go with what we have in spite of all the obstacles thrown at us… Yes, I think that would be a very good idea… I will be waiting for his call…good day to you, Mr. Logan." The Captain put the phone down. "That was Detective Bannister's partner, he has apparently been in contact with him, and the message relayed then was that he had left LA and had no intention of coming back. I hope that I persuaded Mr. Logan to try his hardest to get George to change his mind."

"Yes, Sir, I do too, because as you said we really do need him here. Rae realised last night that there is still one place, one obvious place that is…" Steve thought of the words of his Captain about their always being one more target, "So far no church has been hit. Apparently, according to Alison Royle, Sandra Breth is a Catholic, and so that narrows it down a bit. It would be even better if she had been a Mormon, or Jehovah's Witness, but it helps. She had been to see her priest the day that George broke off the engagement, saying he couldn't go through with it. Rae thinks, and I am inclined to agree with her, that she will hit the church next. But without George I don't think we have a hope of finding out which diocese to look in, let alone which actual building to protect."

"Who is Alison Royle?"

"She is our new desk sergeant. She … she, ah, replaced Sergeant Mills." Steve looked at his feet for a moment. The pain at losing all of the officers was almost too much to bear, but Bob, somehow that was the worst of the lot. Steve had looked up the records of all the fallen officers, the young man who had been the first fatality, Jared Carter, had only been out of the academy a week, and then there had been Bob. He had twenty-eight years service, and he got taken out by a drive-by shooter. His police record would say that he had died in the line of duty, but he hadn't. He had just been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and because of that had died a meaningless death. 

"Lieutenant…? Steve, are you all right?" The Captain looked at the man sitting in front of him, and he could see that he was struggling with his emotions. It was a reaction that he was very familiar with. He had spent most of the morning feeling the same way himself.

"I'm sorry, Captain, it just all seems so pointless. We put our lives on the line every day, and I'm proud to wear this badge, and do the job I do, but then something like this happens and I wonder why the hell I bother. I'm getting married soon and I don't know if I can live with this kind of pressure any more. It was different when it was only me, but I could get taken out by a stray bullet, or targeted like George and Rae have been and see my life turned upside down … I'm sorry, Sir, but today I think I would rather be a street sweeper." 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Rae had been moved up to her room Jesse had told her he had managed to get Lauren to agree to come and see her in half an hour. Rae hadn't actually seen her since before Christmas because she had returned to Japan to see her family over the holiday period and she had extended her stay into an eight week vacation, and so Jesse was pleased that she was able to fit Rae in so promptly. Alex had come up to the room with Rae and supervised her transfer and made sure she was comfortable, while Jesse went to let Jo know what was going on. Alex had sat down in the chair next to her bed and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Alex, you should be going home, not sitting here with me. You aren't supposed to be on duty yet, and you have been with me for what two hours?" Rae looked at her friend and doctor with concern.

"Don't worry, I'll be going in a few minutes, actually I have done far more that I thought I would be able to. I know I won't be back in the ER for a while, but I think that I can probably deal with my own patients and maybe some paperwork, and gradually get back into the swing of things that way. I was going slowly crazy with my mom, she wouldn't even let me make a cup of coffee, she cut the crusts off all my sandwiches and turned my toast into soldiers!"

"Alex, that's what mum's do. But I know how you feel, Jesse is so paranoid about letting me out of his sight that I can't even do those tasks that are easy for me, well, nothing is easy, but possible. I can't go into a store on my own, we have to go everywhere together, and it is driving me nuts. Ok, right now I can't do anything for myself, but before last night, things were getting a little better. I did manage to have an evening out on Friday, but only because Bob's was full of cops."

"Rae, he loves you, and he's worried for you, extremely worried, and I know it won't seem this way to you, but you were lucky in that for some of the time that Eliana was missing you were either unconscious or sedated. He didn't have that luxury; he had to face the media, as well as his own fears. He thought he was going to lose you both, and that would have destroyed him."

"I know, but we're safe now, and he will turn Eliana into an introverted shy child if he isn't careful. That isn't in her nature, but it could be. I don't want that to happen. She should be going to playgroup, to the beach, or just to a friend's house to play with other children, but she doesn't because I don't know anybody, and Jesse won't let her go to any clubs. As for the beach, well, maybe it's partly because Mark is still at Texas's house, but we haven't been on the sand since Ana was born." Rae sighed. "If I'm not going to go back to work, and I know that I'm not, I don't want to spend the rest of my days locked up in the house, not allowed to go out. I want to be able to go shopping, visit with friends, take my little girl to feed the ducks, and what's more I intend to do so, and Jesse will just have to go along with me or put up with it." Rae stopped talking as she heard her husband speaking just outside the door. As he came in she saw him putting his cell phone away in his pocket.

"I was just talking to Jo. She is gonna get Eliana ready, and I will go pick her up in a minute and take her home."

"Jesse, you're working tonight. There is no reason in the world why she can't stay with Texas, and you can fulfil your duties here. I will be fast asleep and so will she. I hate to say this, but neither of us will miss you." Rae smiled to try to soften the blow of her words.

"No, Rae, she has been apart from us for too long, I need to go get her."

"Honey, I know you need to get her, but she doesn't need you to, and neither does the hospital. But you do need to go see Lauren, I think, try to talk through your fears, nobody is going to take our little girl, she is safe and secure with Texas, Mark and Michael, and when we are home she is safe and secure with us. So go call Michael back, tell him that there has been a change of plan and you're working as you are rota'd to do, and would they please take care of Ana overnight. Then go get into your white coat, and come and stay with me for a while before you start your shift." Rae waited. She knew that Jesse didn't want to do what she had suggested, and she also knew that if he couldn't accept the solution that she had presented to him, then he would need more than a few sessions with Lauren. He had to learn to let go of his daughter, as well as her, because otherwise, in the end he would smother them both.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve finally came out of the Captain's office, and sat down heavily at his desk. He picked up his phone and put a call through to Jo. "Hi, Honey, I just wanted to speak to you, hear your voice…" Steve stopped talking, he didn't want to sound stupid. "No, nothing more than I told you last night. Bannister's still missing, but he's spoken to Joseph. The Captain tried to persuade him to get George to come home, but whether he succeeded, well, only time will tell, I guess… Oh, ok, I might stop in and see her on my way home, that is if I get home tonight… I have no idea, I am looking through lists of Catholic churches to see if there is anything that leaps out and grabs me, but without the knowledge that George has, it is an almost impossible task… She is, well give her a goodnight kiss from me if I'm not there to do it myself… ok? Jo, I love you, you do know that, don't you…? Yeah … bye." Steve put the receiver down, but almost instantly picked it back up again. This time the number he dialled was that of the hospital and then he waited for the connection to be made.

"Yeah, hi, could you put me through to Cheryl Banks' room please… Thank you." As Steve waited his eyes swept over the list of Catholic churches in the local Los Angeles telephone directory. If there was nothing in this book he had plenty more to choose from. "Hello, Cheryl, hi, it's Steve, I just wondered how you were…? Oh right, and when is he gonna let you go free…? No, I agree with him, what you saw was a terrible thing, another day seems sensible to me… Yeah, well just because I can't stand being in there, doesn't mean that you have to feel that way too. What about Martin, did you see him today…? No, they are probably keeping him sedated while the pain is at its height, and it's hard to keep a shoulder still… Yeah, I know I was, and I was lucky, nothing vital was hit, but I still had physical therapy on it for months, and it feels stiff sometimes even now… Yeah, well I don't say, it isn't the kind of thing that comes up in conversation… Cheryl, I have to go, I have a call waiting, I'll see you soon… Take care… yeah, you too, bye." Steve pressed the button for the line that was flashing and heard the instantly recognisable voice of Amanda.

"Steve? Did you get my message to meet me in the parking lot of the Tower Mall, Bay D?"

"No, Amanda, I'm sorry, when did you call?"

"About an hour ago, I spoke to the desk sergeant, and she said she would leave a message on your desk."

Steve looked around at his paper strewn table, and finally his eyes landed on a piece of paper leaning up against his pen pot. On it in neat clear writing was the message, _Please meet Doctor Bentley at the Tower Mall, Bay D of the parking lot. Re: Dismembered Jane Doe._ Underneath the message was a signature. _Alison Royle._

"Amanda, I am so sorry, I have it here. I am on my way; I'll be there in twenty minutes." Steve stood up, grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. He looked around him as he got there, because he wanted to leave some instructions and he realised that all the detectives he could trust to carry out his orders to the letter, were either in the hospital or worse. With a shake of his head he started down the stairs, and saw Alison at her new post. He moved over and waited as she finished taking details from a timid looking little man standing next to the desk. Finally he heard her begin to speak.

"Ok, Mr. Timms, I will get in contact with the relevant department, and they will send an officer down to speak with you and get all the details. If you would just like to take a seat, they shouldn't be a minute." Both Alison and Steve watched the little man turn and move away, then Steve smiled and began to speak.

"I'm off to Doctor Bentley's crime scene; if Detective Bannister calls can you get it transferred to my car? Anything else relating to the drive bys, make a note of it and then call me. My cell number is on the list under the counter. I have no idea how long I'll be, so just tell people I'll call them back."

"Ok, Lieutenant." Alison smiled, he was still the only cop in the place who was coming close to being nice to her, but she knew that it would need to be earned. Bob had been an extremely competent and respected man and it would take a long time for her to be accepted.

Steve was true to his word, and just over twenty minutes later he drew up to the crime scene waiting for him in Bay D. He moved over towards his friend and colleague, wondering as he went which body part they had this time.

"So, what do you have for me? Another arm? A leg maybe or a hand. That would be nice, I could do with a hand, they have fingers on them, and fingers have fingerprints."

"We have an arm, just like the other one, except for one thing."

"It's from the other side of the body, right?"

"Nope, it's from the same side of the body." Amanda looked at him. She knew that he'd had a terrible day yesterday, and even thought this was an awful case too, right now it gave both of them an opportunity to relax just a little.

"What do you mean … oh, no, I get it, you have the lower arm."

"No, Steve, I have the same part as before, the humerus, but this time it is from a man's body."


	8. Important Information

**Important Information**

Once Rae had persuaded Jesse that he should work his shift and leave Eliana with Texas they'd chatted until his pager beeped at him, and then she had been left alone in her hospital room, which was the same as all the other hospital rooms she could remember. For the first time in a few days she let the constant pain she was in begin to take over her senses. She felt that if anyone was with her, then she had to keep up a false front and hope that they would be fooled by it. So far it had seemed to be working. If Jesse knew just how much every movement cost her he would never let her out of bed in the morning, not that the nights were any better, but at least with the mild sedative that she took each evening she did get some sleep, but she had asked Jesse to lessen the dose as soon as she had found out about the baby, she didn't want to have another premature child. She didn't know if that was the reason Eliana had been born early, but she didn't want to risk making it happen again if she could possibly avoid it.

As Rae lay there she heard a light tap on the door and, expecting to see Lauren, she looked up, to find a complete stranger standing there.

"Detective Yeager? May I come in? My name is Doctor Tammai, I believe that Doctor Collins may have mentioned me, I specialise in brachial plexus injuries of the type you have sustained."

"Yes, I guess so, I'm sorry, I was expecting someone else."

"I know, and I won't be here for very long, but I just wanted to see you before our meeting tomorrow." He could see his patient looked puzzled. "You didn't know we had a meeting tomorrow? Oh, well, let me just explain. In normal circumstances you would have had a consultation with a pain management team as well as occupational and physical therapists, an orthotist and your own physician, who is a Doctor Martin I believe? However, yours weren't normal circumstances, and so we let you go home with your husband and daughter for a little while, but now we really need to concentrate on getting you some quality of life back."

"And you didn't think to tell me that I would be coming back for further tests, and that you could do things to make this easier? I have been coming for physical therapy almost every other day since I left the hospital, but I have also spent the entire time in constant pain. I have no idea what an orthotist is, maybe he was supposed to tell me all that?" Rae let the anger that was also a constant companion have full rein just for a moment. "I am married to a doctor, but he wasn't in a fit condition to be chasing through medical books to do the job someone else was supposed to be doing, and neither was I. Do you know what I would be doing right now, if I wasn't here?" Rae waited, and finally Doctor Tammai realized that it wasn't a hypothetical question, and he was supposed to answer, and shook his head. "I would be at home, dictating, because I can't write neat enough for anyone to be able to read it, dictating my letter of resignation to the police department. But now, you are saying that you can improve my quality of life, well, I would like to know by how much before I throw my whole career away." Rae was exhausted by her outburst and closed her eyes. She hadn't let anyone how much she hurt before, and now she had told this man, all Rae wanted him to do was get up and leave, so that she could compose herself before Lauren came.

"Detective Yeager, it is regretful that you feel this way, and I am truly sorry that you haven't been given any information, but some of the blame must be laid at the door of your own physician who does have more regular contact with you."

"Ok, did you read any of my details before you came to see me?" Rae opened her eyes and stared at this man she had already decided she really didn't like.

"Detective Yeager, I have read your file, I know about your shoulder injuries, and your knees, although they aren't really my field, and I have also read about your other stays at Community General so that I could familiarize myself with your general state of health. I am not based here, you understand."

_Thank goodness for that. _"I am sure that somewhere in there it said that I was for a little while under my husband's care, and then Doctor Collins took over. That is because my physician was stabbed in the chest, right in front of me, when my daughter was taken, and only came back to the hospital to see any patients this morning. He didn't have much time to fill me in on the availability of treatment before he was receiving it himself!" Rae was shouting now, but she was so angry she didn't care, and the pain that she was feeling was almost secondary to the fury coursing through her.

As Doctor Tammai was about to reply to his patient's latest tirade there was a quiet knock on the doorframe.

"Rae, is everything all right?"

Rae turned her eyes in the direction of the sound and saw Lauren Yung standing in the doorway, a concerned look on her face. "Hi, Doctor Yung."

Rae tried to put a smile on her face, but she was so tired now from shouting and the exertion of her time with Alex that she found she was unable to do so.

Doctor Tammai stood as he saw the young councilor standing waiting to enter, but did not wave her in. Instead he spoke, "I have a couple of tests I need to undertake on my patient, if you could just wait outside for a moment or two."

"Of course, but I do have other patients to see myself, in a short while." Lauren smiled at Rae and then she moved one of the chairs in the hallway so that she could sit out there, but still be in plain sight of her client, and waited.

Doctor Tammai stood up, walked over and shut the door, and then he returned to Rae's bedside. "Now, Detective Yeager, I need to do a test called a sensory examination. If you could give me your left hand please."

Rae lay back on her pillows and stared at the doctor in front of her. She didn't say a word, but just waited, and for about thirty seconds they looked at each other before with a sigh Rae began to speak. "Do you think I am going to slip up and move my arm? The one I haven't been able to do anything with since the accident? My left arm is paralyzed, and my right arm is extremely painful, but I could probably give you my right hand."

"Ok, we will start with the right one then." The doctor watched as slowly Rae moved her arm so that her hand was in front of him and then he carefully picked it up, and once it was resting across his left palm took the thumb between his own thumb and index finger. "Now, I hope that this is going to hurt." Doctor Tammai pinched hard on the nail base of Rae's thumb and then pulled the digit outwards.

"Arghhh, stop, please, yes it hurts, ok?" Rae felt the tears rush to her eyes, as pain flooded her arm, it seemed as if her hand were on fire, but instead of doing what she asked him, Rae saw him take hold of her index finger and repeat the procedure.

By the time Rae's whole hand had been tested in this way she was crying openly, "Please, please, don't do that any more," she felt her hand being lowered to the bed, and then to her horror the left one was picked up. Rae braced herself for more pain, because when Alex had done the same test just after her accident her left hand had hurt too, but none came. Although Rae could use her left hand, the rest of her arm was useless, and so she just lay back and waited for both the examination to finish and the pain on her right side to diminish. Finally when she could catch breath she began to speak again. "Why do you have to do that? It just hurts so much."

"Because it tells me what you can and can't feel, and it will need to be done again and again because these things can change. Now, I can blind you with science and tell you what each finger means, but the fact that you can feel pain in every finger of your right hand is very encouraging because that shows me that all the nerves are working. I am a little concerned by the lack of feeling in your left hand, but there was a slight movement even though you didn't seem to be aware of it, so I am still hopeful. Is that enough information for now?"

Rae smiled a little, she still wasn't crazy about his bedside manner, but Doctor Tammai did seem to know what he was talking about. "Yes, that's fine for now, thank you."

"Ok, Detective, that is all I will do today. There will be four of us meeting with you at ten in the morning, I will arrange for a nurse to come and get you at about ten to the hour and take you to my examination rooms. I can introduce you to the other members of your team then."

"Thank you, but I doubt if I will need a nurse. My husband will bring me down."

"Ah, Detective Yeager, I would prefer if your husband didn't accompany you. He can, of course, bring you to my rooms, but I would rather see you on your own."

"Have you met my husband, Doctor?" Rae was rewarded with a shake of the head. "Mm, well, you may have trouble dissuading him from staying!"

"And you, do you want him to be there?"

"I have put him through so much lately, that I just want him to be happy. If that means he comes into the room with me, then that is what will happen."

"I see, well, I think that your lady doctor is getting a little restless, so I will leave you now. Good afternoon, Detective Yeager."

Rae smiled, even though she didn't feel like it and for a second felt his hand against her right one, and then he turned and was gone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve looked at Amanda and then leant back against the wall, grateful for its support. "I beg your pardon?"

"I said that it is a male arm. It's from another body!"

"Oh great! But the MO is the same?"

"Yep, the officer who found it was checking the number plate, and saw that the car was reported stolen, he noticed that the trunk wasn't shut and so he lifted it up, he is over there by the garbage bin if you need him."

"Well, I haven't had a chance to eat much today, so I guess you better show me." Steve moved closer to the car and waited as Amanda stepped away. Just like the previous crime scene, there in the trunk, was the upper part of an arm. This trunk however, wasn't as clean and empty as the previous one, which Steve knew could cause a few problems, but Amanda would know which items would be relevant to the case. Steve could see that this was as definitely male as the other one had been female. It was covered in dark hairs, had more defined muscle and was much larger. "So now I am looking for two missing people. Probably known to each other, hopefully known to the person chopping them up. Do you know what they are being chopped up with yet?"

"No, not exactly. But they are clean cuts. No concern about not severing it easily. Ten years ago I would have said someone with some sort of medical or veterinary knowledge, but today you can probably get illustrated instructions on how to dismember someone on the Internet."

"Oh, well, that narrows it down for me! Thanks so much!" The sarcasm was oozing from Steve now, and Amanda smiled and shook her head.  "Jeez, I have a runaway cop, a jilted lover out for revenge and now someone who is chopping up not one but two bodies at the same time. I also have a partner in the hospital, again, and a best friend who isn't speaking to me. Oh my life is just wonderful at the moment!" Steve raised his eyes to the heavens and ran his fingers through his hair.

Amanda moved a little closer and placed a hand on his arm. "Steve, listen, you can't do anything on this today, but by tomorrow I can tell you the height and weight of both bodies, and you can get started on your missing person files. Why is Rae in the hospital?"

Amanda was surprised to see Steve turn away shamefaced and mumble into his hands. "Steve, what's wrong? I can't hear what you're saying."

"She is in the hospital because she came out to interrogate someone last night and then when we got home and I carried her up the stairs, I dropped her."

"Oh, Steve, is she all right? No silly question, did she have to go straight to the hospital, what part of herself did she land on…?" Amanda could see that she was just making matters worse. "Sorry, I'll stop."

"No, she didn't go right away; she was still in bed when I came in this morning, and I dropped her, because Jesse startled me, and she landed on her left knee." 

Amanda moved over and put an arm round her friend. He looked so shamefaced that she felt incredibly sorry for him. "Oh, Steve, look, I know you are rushed off your feet with your caseload right now, especially after what happened yesterday, but I think you need to go see Rae, and then maybe Jesse, get that sorted out, and, if you go back to the station, don't stay all night, ok?"

Steve smiled at Amanda's words, and then watched as she moved back over to supervise the removal of the limb from the trunk. This vehicle was a light blue Volvo, and not as nice as the previous one had been. Neither of them appealed to Steve any more.

Steve finally moved back to his own dark blue, regulation issue sedan, climbed into the driver's seat and for a minute just sat there and tried to compose himself. Finally he pulled away, at almost the same time as Amanda and they headed off in the same direction, together.  About ten minutes from the hospital Steve saw the store that Rae used to buy her British magazines from, and pulled over. He asked the lady which were the most current issues and bought three for his partner, then he grabbed a copy of the LA Times and went back to the car. The picture on the front page was of the scene that had greeted him when he had arrived at the precinct the previous day, and for a moment he was back there once again. With a shudder he put the magazines over the top of the distressing photo and pulled back into the traffic.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse had been working in the ER for just over four hours before he got a chance to go back up and see how Rae was. It was dark now, and although he had a feeling that she would be asleep he just needed to go and see how his wife was doing. As he neared her room he could see that she wasn't alone, and knowing that no one should be in with her he ran the rest of the way.  He moved just inside the doorway before he spoke. "What are you doing in here?"

The young woman turned in surprise as she heard a voice and Jesse saw that it was one of the nurses that he had seen many times around the hospital. The nurse came over towards him, and then, so as not to disturb her patient she walked out into the hallway and Jesse followed.  "I'm sorry, Doctor, but she seemed restless so I came to check up on her."

"Was she given her medication?" Jesse could see through the door that although Rae was asleep her face wasn't peaceful and she didn't look at all comfortable.

The nurse went back into the room, and when she returned to Jesse she had the chart in her hand and she nodded. "Yes, about a half hour ago. I … I heard shouting from this room a little earlier in the evening, when she had one of her visitors, and then crying later when Doctor Yung was here."

"Who came to visit with her? I didn't think anybody was coming except Doctor Yung." Jesse could feel his anxiety rising and he took a deep breath.

"I have the name written down at the nurse's station, we always keep a note of any visitors that our patients receive. If you would like to come this way, Doctor?"

Jesse looked at Rae for a couple more seconds and then followed the young woman up the hallway. Written on a piece of paper were three names, two that Jesse recognized and one that he didn't. 

"Lieutenant Sloan stopped by and left some magazines for your wife, and I said I would make sure she received them in the morning, she was already asleep when he arrived. The doctor was called Tammai, and he was in with your wife for just under the hour I think. Doctor Yung was there for almost two hours."

"Two hours?" Jesse was amazed, he knew that the doctor was very busy, and he had thought himself lucky to get her to agree to pop in for a half hour chat. He hoped that the visit had done Rae some good, but he could tell from the way she had looked when he had been in her room that she wasn't any calmer than before, in fact she had looked worse. As Jesse was about to turn to go back to see Rae his pager bleeped at him, and with a sigh he had to make do with a quick peek round the doorframe before he headed back down to where he knew he was needed most.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Steve had arrived home the house had been in darkness. He had gone into the kitchen, and Michael, in his ever efficient way had left him a bowl of chili, with some rice and instructions to show how long to heat it up. Steve shook his head and smiled. He knew how to warm up his dinner, but he also knew that Michael would always leave a note with instructions on it; it wasn't in his nature to do otherwise.

As he sat in the living room, resisting the urge to channel surf so that he wouldn't wake everybody up, he saw a piece of paper on the coffee table with telephone numbers and dates written on it. Steve picked it up and he could see that Jo had been calling round various places to try and arrange things for the wedding, and he saw at the top of the page the words Easter Saturday crossed through. The realization that she had scored through what was supposed to be the happiest day of his life made Steve almost drop his chilli. He moved back out to the kitchen, his hunger forgotten, left the bowl on the counter and hurried up the stairs. He knew that he shouldn't really wake Jo, but he just had to know why she had crossed out the date.

Steve had a feeling that he would have woken his fiancée anyway, because she was fast asleep corner to corner across the bed, and there was no way for him to get in without disturbing her. Steve carefully sat on the side of the bed, and before he woke Jo up he just looked at her. The beautiful dark brown hair that he loved so much was spread out across the pillow and framed her face, she was completely at peace and he watched her sleep for a few moments and just enjoyed the feelings of love that overwhelmed him, as they normally did when he first saw her, any day. Then he leant over her and kissed her very gently on the lips and waited for a reaction. First of all there was none, and Steve felt guilty for being there. She was still recovering from her brush with depression, which once again they had been able to pull her back from the edge of. The relief that he felt every time he saw her functioning normally again was still with him, and he hoped that he would never again see the haunted look in her eyes as he had that evening as she had withdrawn into herself. 

Steve shook himself out of his meanderings and kissed her again as he began to gently speak her name. He knew he should leave her sleep, but he just had to know whether or not she had cancelled their wedding.

"Jo, Honey, wake up. Jo." Steve placed his hand on her shoulder and was just about to give her a tiny shake when she began to open her eyes.

"Steve…? What … is everythin' all right?" Jo's senses returned to her all at once, and she tried to sit up. "Is it Rae, or Eliana?"

"No, no, nothing like that, but I need to talk to you, about the wedding." Steve stopped talking; his heart was beating so loudly, that he was sure his father could hear it clear across the hallway.

"Well, get into bed first then, because I need to talk to you about that too."

Steve took one more look at Jo and he could see that now she was troubled, and so he pulled off his clothes and left them in a heap on the floor, then he moved round to his side of the bed and climbed in. To his relief Jo moved straight over and into his arms, and he felt the softness of her skin against his chest as she cuddled up to him.

"What is it, Jo, don't you want to get married any more?"

"Of course I do, whatever would give you that idea?" Jo looked up at the handsome face of the man she loved and she could see pain and uncertainty in his eyes. "Honey, I would marry you in a tatty bus shelter down town if it meant we could always be together, I thought you knew that."

"Well, I did, but I found the piece of paper with the date crossed through, and I thought that … I thought that maybe you changed your mind."

"No, darlin' never, I will never change my mind, but it seems that most of LA is plannin' on gettin' married that day. Some churches are even havin' weddin' blessin' marathons for people who want to renew their vows. I haven't booked anythin' yet, I am gonna check with everybody an' try to find a day that they can all come. Do you think that it will be ok with your family if I don't have a set day right now?"

Steve felt his heart begin to get back to a normal beat and he buried his head in Jo's hair and took a deep breath of her wonderful scent. "That will be fine; any time will be fine with me." He looked down just as Jo looked up and running his fingers through her hair he pulled her towards him and began to kiss her with a passion that was stronger even than the panic he had felt just moments before.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve and Jo had spent the rest of an undisturbed night together in each other's arms until Eliana had woken up just after seven. The little girl had been delighted to see her Uncle Steve come in and take her out of her crib, and by the time she was snuggled up in the big warm bed between him and her Aunty Jo she was ecstatic. 

Jo looked down at the little soft brown haired child and smiled, then she snuggled up a little bit closer to Steve and the three of them just lay there - for about thirty seconds - before the little girl decided that she wanted to move and started wriggling about under the covers and squirming around.

"I guess we're getting up then?" Steve looked at the little figure that was now lying on her tummy pulling at the pillows. Eliana didn't sleep with one herself, and so she was fascinated by them. She pushed herself up on her arms and then plunged her head into the soft feathery mass. Steve chuckled to himself but he lifted her up as he did so and turned her over on to her back once more. Eliana looked at him, it was the look that made his heart do somersaults, then she rolled and kicked until she was on her stomach and did the same thing again. "Yep, we are definitely getting up." Steve picked up his goddaughter and clambered out of bed. He put her down on the floor, and moved over to get some clean clothes out of the basket. When he turned round she was gone.

"Where did she go? Jo, do you have her?"

"No, darlin', but the door is closed I'm sure you will find her real soon." Jo had no intention of getting up until she absolutely had to.

Steve turned round and there behind him, going through his clothes from the day before was Eliana. She had moved across, then sat and begun pulling at the pile of discarded pants, shirt and top. "I keep forgetting she can crawl now." Steve didn't really want to think about that. It was another thing that Jesse hadn't told him. He knew that before the argument his friend would have either been on the phone right away telling him of his daughter's latest achievement, or, more likely, bringing her over so they could see for themselves, but he had found out by accident, when he had seen her crawling across the carpet when Rae had come over for a visit a little while ago. Steve was brought out of his dream by the sound of crying, and he saw Eliana with his badge in her mouth.

"Oh, Honey, no that is sharp, and probably filthy." Steve took it from her, and although he couldn't see any blood on her gums he wasn't taking any chances. "Jo, go get me some water and a wash cloth, in case she cut herself on my badge." Steve picked up the little girl and tried to calm her down, but she was scared by what had happened to her, and for a minute or two he thought that he may not be able to stop her tears.

Jo handed Steve the washcloth and he gently cleaned round her mouth. A little pudgy hand came up and grabbed the material and then she was sucking at the cloth that was in her mouth. The tears slowed and eventually disappeared, and then Eliana let go of the soggy mass and it fell, straight onto Steve's bare foot. 

"Oh, thank you. Why don't you go to Aunty Jo, while I dry my foot and put my socks on?"

"Well, if you had put them on first, you wouldn't have that problem." Jo smiled, she was glad he hadn't, she found something incredibly sexy about her lover when he was fully clothed except for his socks.

By the time Jo had got up, washed, dressed and then done the same for her goddaughter Steve was ready to head in to work. He kissed the little girl and then he kissed Jo on the lips. He smiled as he moved back and Jo grinned at him. "What are you smilin' about?"

"Oh, nothing really, I was just wondering how long before we will be doing this with our own child, I think I could get used to this real quick."

Jo just smiled, and then watched as Steve walked out to his car, she shook her head and then looked at the little girl in her arms. "I guess we are gonna have to talk about it, but he has too much on his mind right now."

"Mama, mama." Eliana reached a hand up and touched Jo on the face and she took it, and kissed the little fingers. Jo was surprised to feel the prick of tears behind her eyes and for a second she shut them and willed herself to cheer up.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve pulled into his parking space and walked thoughtfully into the station. He had so many things that he needed to do that he wished he had a secretary. As he walked an idea formed in the back of his mind, but he didn't have time to explore it and so he filed it away for later. 

Alison was on duty at the desk and Steve realized with a guilty pang that he was already getting used to seeing her smiling face when he arrived. He walked over and waited as she finished taking a phone message.

"Hi, Alison, anything for me?"

"Oh, hi, Lieutenant Sloan, yeah, I have a couple of messages for you, I was just about to try and persuade someone to take them upstairs for me."

"Only two, I'm hurt! What do you have then?"

"Ah, let me see, a Doctor Bentley called and said that she had some information for you on the dismembered bodies case and Detective Yeager called to thank you for the magazines and to say that she was real sorry she missed you last night. 

"I'll go see her in a little while, actually I have to go and see Doctor Bentley, so I can do both things at once, ok, thank you. If anybody needs me I'm at Community General." 

"Ok, I'll remember that. Detective Yeager also asked me when Sergeant Mills's funeral is going to be. Could you tell her that it is tomorrow afternoon at two, please? I'll see you later, Lieutenant."

"Yes, I'll do that, and you can call me Steve, ok?"

"All right, I'll see you later, Steve."

"Bye."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The early morning rush hour traffic was still heavy and it took Steve longer than usual to get to the hospital. He arrived just before a quarter to nine, and so decided to go see Rae first, as Amanda would still be doing the school run. He walked in through the ER, hoping to see Jesse, but the place had an almost unnatural quietness about it, and although he saw Shannon on duty and waved to her and noticed Wil Collins in a trauma suite there was no sign of his friend. Steve got into the elevator and leant against the back wall. He was already mentally tired and he hadn't started his day yet. With a shake of his head he waited for the doors to open and then he moved down towards Rae's room.

Rae was sitting quietly in bed, one of the magazines next to her, but her head was leaning back on the pillow and she had her eyes shut. Steve could tell from her whole demeanor that although was quiet she was not relaxed.

"Rae, can I come in?" Steve saw Rae's eyes fly open, and then she nodded, just slightly. "I would ask you if you're all right, but you're not, are you?"

"No, not really, I had a tough day yesterday and today isn't gonna be much better." Rae paused and then forced a smile. "I'm sorry, Steve, but sitting in here gives me time to brood, and that is definitely a bad thing."

"Rae, I am so sorry that you are in here because of me. I really didn't mean to drop you, you do know that don't you?" Steve took Rae's right hand in his, and was alarmed as he felt her gasp and let go of her hand almost immediately. "Rae?"

"It's ok, my new improved specialist came to see me yesterday and did some test or other on my hand, and now my fingers are painful… Steve, I know you didn't mean to drop me, I would never think that you would do that to me on purpose, you have always treated me with the utmost care and respect."

"Thank you, but I did hurt you didn't I?"

"I'm afraid so, my left knee is painful again now, but I'll get over it. I have a meeting at ten with this specialist guy who is an expert in my kind of shoulder and arm problems, so hopefully I will find out a little bit more… Steve," Rae paused and looked at her partner.

"Yes, Honey, what is it?" Steve had a feeling that whatever it was Rae was about to say he wasn't going to like it.

"Yesterday, before I realized that I couldn't actually use my leg, I was going to write my letter of resignation. I can't do my job any more; I guess I just needed to see for myself that I can't cope out in the big world anymore."

"Oh, Rae." Steve paused for a minute, knowing the importance of finding the right words. "Look, maybe this guy can help you, don't write it yet, wait a while, see what he has to say, then if he suggests any treatment wait until that has been done too. There is no hurry; it's only been a few weeks."

"Steve, did you know that I'm expecting another baby?"

"No, no I didn't, oh, Rae … you're not happy about that are you?" Steve looked at his partner's face and saw the fear and anguish in her eyes.

"I am Steve, but I'm scared … and I know that Jesse is too, but I can't talk to him about it, he is so protective, he doesn't know how much everything hurts, I just can't tell him. I wanted more freedom, and now I'm not gonna get it, and …" Rae stopped talking as tears threatened her; once she was in control again she started to speak once more. "I'm sorry, Steve, I'll shut up, there is nothing you can do about it anyway." Rae shut her eyes for a moment, and felt Steve's hand on her arm, and as she opened them again Steve was looking at her, the concern evident in his face.

"Honey, are you seeing that lady, the one who replaced Brian?"

"I saw her yesterday, for a half hour chat which turned into a two hour session, Steve, I'm just so mixed up and confused right now. She is coming back with me after our session with Doctor Tammai so we can talk again… I'm scared, Steve, everything I have worked my whole life for is gone, because of something that happened to me, that I can't even remember."

"You don't know what happened?"

"No, I asked Jesse, but he didn't know either."

"I had no idea, would you like me to tell you?"

"Yes, please, because I can't understand how I can be so badly injured, and that makes it harder to accept that maybe I will always be this way." Rae carefully put her right hand back into Steve's and was instantly comforted by his touch.

"How much of your time in jail do you remember?" Steve was glad of the feel of her hand in his; it made his tale a little easier to tell.

"I saw the doctor when I first went in, and he kept me in the hospital wing overnight, but then when I woke up he was gone, I didn't see him again. I remember seeing Mr. Sholte and Alex, and going to court, but nothing after that."

"You went for breakfast in the cafeteria, which should never have happened, you should have been placed in a secure wing and had your food brought to you, but we can deal with that later. From what the security film shows you were on your way to a table, all the other inmates were banging on the tables with their cutlery and you were just ignoring them. Then you fell, but I think you were tripped, and another woman or maybe the same one, just laid into you."

"Which is how I got what, the cracked ribs?"

"Yeah, I guess so, they pulled you to your feet and then you were slammed into the wall and punched until you fell. You were on the ground for the rest of the attack, but you could be seen on the monitor, and you were kicked, repeatedly, definitely in the body, and Alex said that you had bruises on the back of your neck that came from being kicked there too. I don't know how much of this you know, is it all new?"

"Yeah, but there's more, isn't there?" Rae was glad that she had a hold of Steve's hand, because the fear as she listened to his tale was just as real as if it was happening to her right now.

"There is. It was a couple of minutes; at least, before someone came to your aid, an officer grabbed you by the arm and just pulled you. One of the inmates kept kicking at you as you were pulled along the floor; she got in a few good ones before she was restrained."

"They hated me, Steve, I knew they would, but it was terrible, I don't think I could have stood another day in that place, not another day."

"Do you want to tell me about it?"

"I don't remember a lot, but I do remember that everywhere I went people shoved me, and spat at me. And whispers, I heard whispers all the time." Rae shuddered, "But maybe the worst thing was that the prison officers were just as bad. I had to wear manacles everywhere I went, and they pushed and shoved me just as much as the inmates. I fell a few times, and when I did I was even more scared."

Steve moved a little further up the bed and put his arm around Rae, being careful not to hurt her. He could feel her shaking in his arms and he pulled her towards him. "Are you ok, I'm not hurting you am I?"

"A little, but your arms feel nice. I've never told anybody all that before, but if I shut my eyes I can still see the people, hear the voices. 'Cop, cop, cop,' that's what they said, when I walked past, or sometimes, 'death, death, death.'" Rae was really shaking now, and Steve just sat and held her close. He had known about the chanting of cop, but not of death. He knew that Rae was a strong woman, but that would get to anyone. Thank God they had been able to find the evidence to clear her.

"Steve, what brings you here?"

Both Rae and Steve jumped at the sound of Jesse's voice, but this time Steve kept a firm hold on his partner. "I came to see how Rae was, and you, Jess, how are you?"

"Tired, but ok. Rae, Honey, we have a ten o'clock meeting with Doctor Tammai." Jesse desperately wanted to talk with Steve, but now wasn't the time.

"Steve, I have to get ready, but thank you so much for coming and listening, I left a message for you at the station, about the magazines, I will read them, that was so kind of you."

"Oh, Rae, Bob's funeral, it's tomorrow at two."

"Jesse, can you take me? Or I could go with Steve?"

Jesse thought for a moment and then replied. "I could take you, but I guess you will want to stay and chat, and I'm on nights, so I don't think I could do that. If you go with Steve you can stay as long as you want."

"I don't know where I'll be, Steve, so I will call you later, is that ok?"

"Of course, I'll see you soon. Jesse." Steve held out his hand, and to his utmost relief Jesse took it. Then with a much lighter heart he headed down towards Amanda's pathology lab.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Amanda was hard at work, dictating into her little hand held recorder and so Steve tapped lightly on the glass, and then waited just inside the door. Knowing that her friend would wait for her to finish, Amanda continued until she came to a natural place to break off and then clicked the machine, and turned with a smile.

"Hi, how are you this morning? Did you get home at all last night?"

"Yes, Mom, I even got some sleep, until Eliana woke us up this morning." Steve smiled at the memory, but then brushed it away and turned to the main reason he had come to see his friend. "So, arms, what can you tell me?"

Amanda moved round and sat at her desk. She picked up two thin manila folders and opened the top one. "Ok, we will start with the Jane Doe. Fair skinned, early twenties probably, fair hair too. Weight about 126 lbs and height five feet, roughly. This isn't an exact science, but that is close enough. John Doe, obviously much bigger, thicker set with dark hair and tanned skin. This time about 179 lbs and touching six feet." Amanda smiled at him and waited for him to bite.

"Ok, it's a long time since I had a dismembered body, thank God, so what do you use to get this information?"

"Well I use my eyes for the skin pigment and hair colour." She smiled and waited, knowing full well that wasn't what Steve meant at all.

"Oh, funny, come on, Amanda, give."

"Ok." Amanda knew when to stop joking and get back to work. "We were lucky in that we got the upper arms first. By measuring the length of the humerus I was able to extrapolate the height and weight of the victims. To get the height you measure the humerus and multiply that by five. Once you have the height then the weight is easy."

"What if the person was seriously overweight or underweight for that matter?"

"Then the arm would be too. If we just had the bone then yeah, you would have point, we wouldn't know. But because we have the flesh, in both cases, we can tell that the man is muscular, and so may weigh more, the woman is tiny, so may weigh less, but as a general guide those figures are sound."

"Thank you, Amanda. I guess until the next parts turn up I go back to trying to find George Bannister and Sandra Breth."

"Who are they?"

"George is a detective at the precinct, who has run off, and Sandra Breth is the woman responsible for the drive bys."

"A woman, oh, Steve, that's terrible. I mean it was all terrible, but somehow a woman doing all that, she must be a real good shot."

A broad smile spread across Steve's face. "Amanda, don't tell Ron, but I love you! Thank you so much." To her surprise, Steve moved across kissed her quickly on the cheek and turned and left the room. She stood there, a little shell shocked, her hand resting where her friend's lips had left their mark, sometimes; even though she had known him for many years, he still had the ability to amaze her.

"Well, ok, I won't tell Ron."  With a chuckle Amanda turned back to the body on her table, and picked up her Dictaphone. She ran the tape back a little way, listened to her last words, and began again, without a pause.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Jesse had pushed Rae to the rooms allocated to visiting consultants she was feeling very nervous. She hadn't said anything to Jesse about staying or not staying, but she wasn't surprised when he wheeled her into the consulting rooms and then sat in a chair next to her. The rooms were empty, but the secretary in the outer office had told them it was fine to go on through, and now they sat, hand in hand, waiting.

"Jesse,"

"Yes, Sweetheart, what is it?"

"What if he says that I'm never gonna get any better, that this is as good as it gets? What will we do then?"

"We'll cope. Honey, we know how bad it is now and we'll just adapt our lives ourselves to make things easier for you. I know it is gonna be hard with Eliana and another baby as well, but we're a team, together we will manage, I promise you that."

"Thank you." 

Before Rae could say anything else, the door opened and three complete strangers, two friendly faces and Doctor Tammai appeared.

"Detective Yeager, this is Doctor Burns, who is the doctor who will be helping you with your pain relief. Doctor Goodman who is the orthotist and Doctor Morton who is an occupational therapist, Doctors' Yung and Martin you know, and also there is your physical therapist, Mandy Ryan, but she had an appointment she couldn't alter unfortunately. And you must be Doctor Travis."

Rae, who had asked Jesse what an orthotist was, and discovered that he would be the person who would normally deal with the support and bracing of weak or ineffective joints and muscles, looked at the tall thin man and wondered what he would make of Alex's brace. As she was thinking this through Jesse let go of Rae's hand and stood up. "Yes, Doctor Tammai, I have heard a lot about you, how do you do?"

"I'm well, thank you. I understand that you have been working all night, maybe you would like to rest for the two hours or so we will be with your wife."

"I would rather stay, if you don't mind."

"Jesse, go get some sleep, Alex and I can fill you in on everything later. I just want things to run smoothly." Rae lowered her voice, and as Jesse had crouched in front of her, she was pretty sure she couldn't be heard. "I will be fine, I promise. But if I'm not I'll just get Alex to take me out, ok?"

"Well, if you're sure." Jesse kissed Rae gently on the cheek, and then with a last look at Doctor Tammai and a half smile at Alex he moved towards the door.

Rae watched as Jesse left and wished with all her heart that he had stayed. She was scared and she wasn't sure if she could stand another session like the one she had spent with Doctor Tammai the previous day. Suddenly she knew she needed him. "Jesse, please, stay with me." As he turned to face her Rae knew that she had made the right decision, the look on his face was one that she hadn't seen for a long time, he was just happy.

"Detective Yeager, I did say yesterday, if you remember, that this meeting was for you, not your husband."

"Yes, I know you did, but I said that if he wanted to stay then that was what would happen. So, we are ready now." 

By the time Doctor Tammai had given details of the tests he had undertaken the day before, and read from the notes that Rae's physical therapist had left, over half an hour had already past. Doctor Burns moved over so that he was standing closer to Rae and Jesse, and smiled at them.

"Detective Yeager, have you been keeping a pain diary?"

"No, Sir, and please, I would prefer if you called me Mrs Travis." Rae felt Jesse's hand over her own, and knew that once again she had done the right thing. 

"Ok, I need you to keep a pain diary, for about two weeks, and from that we can get an idea of what type of pain relief would be suitable for you. I personally think that transcutaneous stimulation is the best way to go because it doesn't involve the use of drugs but if that doesn't work then we can try various medications which have a relatively high success rate in treatment of cases similar to your own."

"I have no idea what trans … transcut … Jesse, do you know what that is?"

"Yes, it stops the pain signals from being sent, but it's my understanding that it can take a long while to begin to work, it certainly isn't anything immediate."

"That is correct, Doctor Travis, but I was working on the fact that your wife doesn't wish to take any pain medication during her pregnancy. There are many drugs that she could take that would reduce the level of pain she suffers and which would work far quicker."

"How would you want me to keep the diary? Rate the pain out of ten say, or just write down how I feel, which actions each day cause me pain and which ones don't?" Rae decided that she would intervene; she didn't want Jesse to start discussing the merits of different painkillers right now, as she had no intention of taking them unless she really had to.

"Yes, that is the general idea. I would say that for the first week write down how the pain effected you, what activities, if any, made it worse, what things you could do relatively pain free. Then the second week you could compare back and so then yes maybe marks out of ten would be sufficient, as long as some detail was still included."

"I find writing difficult, so do I have to write lots of detail down, or can I use a sort of shorthand?"

"Det… Mrs Travis, you can do the diary however you are happy to do it. On the computer, by hand, even dictating into a cassette recorder is fine, just so long as we have a record of how you are feeling and coping with your injuries. Once we have that we can start you on a course of treatment and hopefully provide you with some relief. Obviously, we would have to take you off the pain meds you are currently taking."

"I'm not taking anything at the moment, except a mild sedative at night, and I have cut that down as much as I can."

"Oh, I see, so you are not in pain then?" Doctor Burns looked at his patient, and he could see the pain in her eyes. It was a sign he recognized, and he realized that so far she wasn't getting the back up she should be.

"I'm in pain, but after I left the hospital I wasn't offered anything, apart from at night, and once I found out that I was pregnant then I tried to stop taking that too, but I just couldn't sleep so I had to start taking it again. It doesn't stop the pain, but it makes me drowsy and then for a little while sleep gets the better of me. Sometimes if I have had a rough day then I do sleep for quite a while."

Jesse had been sitting just listening to the discussion, but now he spoke up. "I have been looking into the possibilities for surgery in cases like Rae's. Do you think that it would be suitable for her?"

Doctor Tammai took the lead in answering Jesse's question. "Yes, yes, I do, but as she has herself said she is pregnant at the moment, and we wouldn't want to undertake surgery, especially in the early stages. I also think that you should be aware that the residue pain from this type of operation can last up to eighteen months."

"Are you talking about both arms or just the right one?"

"Maybe both of them, we would have to do a lot more tests before I could make that decision. However, at the moment a prognosis on your left arm and hand is more difficult to make. If what you are suffering is a neuropraxia then you have an excellent chance of a recovery without surgery, we will just have to keep doing sensory tests and hope for an improvement."

"How long for? The test I mean?" Rae looked at Doctor Tammai; even talking about the test scared her.

"A neuropraxia can continue for up to six months, so unless you yourself feel an improvement you will be tested by either Doctor Martin or one of your team on a regular basis, maybe every other week." 

"And the right arm? I get the feeling that although I have more movement in that arm you are suggesting surgery for that one."

"I am suggesting that we see how things improve over the next few weeks, but yes, I would suggest surgery on your right arm, you already have feeling in it, and we may be able to get it back to a reasonably normal state, however, although I realize that you must feel like you have been in pain for ever, it is still very early days and with specialist care and attention things may improve without any surgical intervention."

Rae and Jesse looked at each other, and for the first time in a long while they could see hope in each others' eyes.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Steve got back to the precinct it was almost half past eleven, and he was in need of food. He went into the deli that was just down the block, and then walked back into the station two sandwiches and can of soda in his hands.

Alison wasn't on the desk, it was the young officer who usually replaced Bob, and who, Steve had imagined, would have taken over his position permanently.

As Steve walked past and up the stairs he heard his name being called and he looked up to see Alison standing at the top waiting for him, a letter held in a gloved hand.

"Sir, this just came for you." She held the object out and Steve fished around in his pockets for the gloves he knew kept there, pulled them on and took it from her. It was a single sheet of paper, and Steve began to read.

_Lieutenant Sloan,_

_I thought I would just deposit my collection of limbs around LA until someone worked out what I was doing, but then you got involved in the case and I decided to play. Is there any way you can beat me? I doubt it. Is there any way you can stop me? I doubt that too, but you are welcome to try. I will even give you a clue. One of the bodies is known to you._

_S. Todd_


	9. Uncertain Future

**Uncertain Future**

Rae finally returned to her room just after one o'clock. The two hour meeting had turned into a three hour one that included another trip through the open ended coffin as Rae had a further MRI on her knee. Even though the meeting had initially been about her shoulder Jesse had asked some questions on how best to deal with the additional problems Rae had suffered when she had stood for too long, and as the MRI had been free, a visit there had been included in her consultation. 

"Jesse, I know we both have a lot to think and talk about, but Lauren is here now, and you need to go and get some sleep."

"This time, I don't think I can argue with you, I'll see you later. I'll go and crash in the sleep room, there isn't much point in going home, and this way I'll get an extra hour's rest." Jesse kissed her lightly on the lips, and then with a smile made his way out of the room.

Delighted by the fact the Jesse wasn't rushing back to Eliana, but being sensible instead, Rae watched as her husband walked away. Then, letting a sigh escape her as brought herself back to why she was now in a hospital room with her therapist, Rae looked at Lauren and waited for her to begin speaking. "So, Rae, do you want to talk to me now, or did you want to think things through first?"

"No, I think I'd like to talk now, if you don't mind."

"Of course I don't mind, I had scheduled you some time today, after yesterday I figured that you would need to talk to me again."

"I do, but I don't know where to begin." Rae looked at the young woman in front of her. As much as she had felt at ease with Brian, and he had understood her, she felt that talking to a woman was sometimes a little easier than a man, especially as Lauren was married with a small child of her own.

"Ok, let me give you a little push start. We had quite an intense meeting today, you had to discuss your condition and your feelings with complete strangers, and I know that you will have found that difficult. Maybe you should concentrate on that?"

For a minute or two Rae just sat and Lauren knew that she was getting her thoughts in some kind of order, and then with a small sigh she began to speak. "You're right, I didn't like talking to them, they don't know me, or what I'm like, and I guess that I'm used to dealing with doctors that I know and love. I realize I'm lucky in that regard, but it felt strange. I think that part of it is that Mark, Alex and Jesse are always very concerned with my feelings when they tell me anything, but they were just giving me the facts."

"And you didn't feel comfortable with that?"

"No, I was scared before I arrived, and now I am even more so. Maybe my left arm will get better, my right too, and without surgery." Rae stopped talking for a moment, and gathered herself again. "I went down there thinking that I had no chance of a normal life again, but now, I can see it, it's just out of reach but I can see it, and that scares me even more. I can hope for recovery now, which was more than I could before, but the possibility of surgery still exists and that alarms me, so now I have twice as much to be frightened of!"

"I know, and I can understand you being that way, I think I would be too, but you don't have to make a decision right now, the pressure is off, for a little while at least."

"No, the decision is already made. Until my baby is born, I don't plan to have the operation. If I can still have it afterwards then maybe, but I won't put my child at risk." 

If Lauren was surprised she didn't show it. "I see, and if by then nothing can be improved, are you prepared to live as you are now?"

"No, I'm not, but I don't think I'll have to. There seem to be a lot of things that can be done to make our lives easier. It's not just the new baby and me, but Jesse and Eliana as well." Rae's hands rested naturally over her stomach. It wasn't really obvious yet that she was pregnant, but the baby was never very far from her thoughts.

"So, do you want me to arrange for you to go to the Willows?"

"Yes, please, as soon as you can, but after tomorrow, I have a funeral to attend then, and I think I'll need to go for about a week, maybe longer." Rae looked at the lady in front of her and slowly moved her hand towards her.

"That's not a problem; I can call and get that arranged for you. It really is the best rehabilitation center for your type of injury. But it might not be possible to get you in there right away, it's very popular, and you'll need to be there for a while. Also …" Lauren paused. "It's very expensive, Rae, I think you need to check what you will be covered for."

"I hadn't really thought about either of those things, I'll get the insurance sorted out, and well, I'll just go when they can have me. I know it's a long way to go, but I think it's the right thing to do." Rae took a breath and winced.

"Rae, you said yesterday that you would tell me how you felt all the time when you had the words to describe it. Have you got the words now?"

"I tried to think about it after you had gone, and I feel lots of things, things beside the pain, but also because of it, if that makes sense?"

"I think so, try me."

"Ok, I feel frustrated that I am so helpless, and I want desperately to be able to do the things I used to, but I can't. Sometimes the pain is like a bubble, it encompasses everything that I am and everything that I do. I guess because my legs are damaged as well there isn't anything, any movement, I mean, that is possible without pain, but maybe, once I get some treatment, that will change."

"Do you feel angry today? Yesterday you were very angry."

"Yes, I'm still angry, but since seeing Doctor Tammai I have to admit to being hopeful too, but the anger is still there, because of what happened to me, and why. It's not fair, and it shouldn't be, that makes me feel helpless, and I don't like that."

"Helpless? Why is that? You don't mean helpless because things hurt do you?"

"No, I mean because Steve came in this morning, and told me how I got injured. I knew it had happened because of who I am, but … but they just laid into me, and punched and kicked me until they had to be physically restrained. They wanted to kill me, and … that makes me feel … I don't know, sad, scared for the future, but mostly I just feel that there is no reason to bother any more, because the whole point of who I was and what I did, was, in the end, the reason I was injured." Rae stopped talking for a moment to catch her breath.

"I can look at every time I've been here in this hospital and it has been because of who I am and what I do. If Doctor Tammai is right and I do recover, maybe enough to go back to work should I even bother? Or will somebody else just try to eliminate me? If that's the case then maybe there isn't any point in trying to get better, because there isn't any point in me being a cop anymore." Rae had tears running silently down her cheeks, and she just let them flow. She could no more reach to wipe them away than she could touch the moon.

"So you are just going to give up and let the bad guys win?" Lauren was concerned by what she was hearing, but not surprised.

"Yeah, I could easily do just that. Why not? They've won anyway, so let's give them credit and move on to the next disastrous thing that's gonna happen to me!" Although the tears were still there they were slowing now, and Lauren could hear the anger in Rae's voice.

"And what will you tell your husband and your daughter? Sorry, but I'm going to let the world go on around me, you go and do your own thing, I'm just going to sit here and wallow?"

"No … yes … I don't know. I can't think straight right now. Jesse or Texas is almost always with me, so I don't get a chance to think very often, and when I'm on my own the pain is so overwhelming that thoughts, rational ones at any rate, are just not possible. And it's not fair, I was set up … set up because of some creep who decided he wanted me and no-one else was going to have me. He nearly killed Jesse, and she nearly killed me … she took my baby, and because of her … I am sitting here unable to move my arms or leg … why the hell shouldn't I wallow? I have been attacked … drugged … raped, and almost murdered since I've been in LA. I've caused grief, pain … and worry to those that I love the most … and all because I try to uphold the laws of a land that isn't even mine. I have to tell… you, wallowing … seems like a … darn … good … idea … right … now." Rae leant back in her chair, her breathing was coming in shallow breaths, and Lauren was getting very concerned about her.

"Rae, listen to me, look at me and listen." But Lauren could see that Rae was past the stage where she could listen, her breathing was way too fast, and not deep enough, and after pressing the call button, Lauren knelt down in front of her client, and just tried, through quiet words, to bring Rae back to her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had been sitting looking at his note for about twenty minutes when he heard a sound and raised his head to see Cheryl standing in front of him. "What are you doing here? You should be home; it is way too soon for you to be back."

"No, I have to find the person responsible for this, for the deaths and injuries. Steve, I spent all day sitting by Martin's bedside, he didn't move, he just lay there, I can't sit again, I need to know that I am doing something for him, and for the others who weren't as lucky as he was."

"Cheryl, I'm going to take you home, and then we can talk, ok? I know who did this to you, to Martin, to all of them, but not here, I can't talk about it here."

"Steve, if you know who it is then we have to find him, before he does it again, and why can't you talk about it here?"

"No, Cheryl, now just stand, or even better, sit there, and wait for me." Steve turned before she had a chance to say or do anything other that what was requested of her, and he headed towards the captain's office. He knocked, and, receiving a wave of acknowledgement, entered.

"Yes, Lieutenant, what can I do for you?"

"Sir, Detective Banks has come into the station, but she really should be home. I would like to be able to take her there, fill her in a little on what is happening and then come back to follow up some leads I have."

"Very good, Lieutenant, I've had a doctor's note come through from Community General signing her off for a week, with a suggestion that we get one of the police department shrinks to go visit with her. Could you let her know that I don't expect to see her for seven days?"

"Yes, Sir." Steve turned to go.

"And, Lieutenant, make sure she has a good lunch."

Steve smiled, "Yes, Sir."

With permission to stay longer than the twenty minutes or so he had mentally allowed himself, Steve headed back towards his old partner, then taking her by the arm, he directed her towards the stairs, and they walked off together.

Alison was back on duty at the desk and, after a quite word with Cheryl, Steve headed over towards her.

"Hi, Alison, I'm just taking Cheryl home, can you do some digging for me? I need the names of all the local gun clubs, and by local, I mean local to LA …" Steve could see the look of dismay on the sergeant's face. "I know, it's a rotten job, but someone has to do it, just leave them on my desk, if however, you are stuck for something to do, could you call a few, find out if they have a Sandra Breth on their books?"

"Sandy?"

"For now this is confidential. Please, don't tell anybody why you are doing this.

"Ok, Steve, I'll see what I can do but I won't say anything."

Steve moved back over towards the exit, and took Cheryl's arm again, but as they got to the door she stopped and began to back away. "Oh, God, Steve, no, I … I can't, I can't go out this way!" She turned and leant into him, and Steve placed an arm around her, and for a minute he let her stay where she was, her head leaning into his chest. He shook his head as Alison began to walk towards them and she returned to her desk. Cheryl was shaking, and it seemed to be getting worse, not better, so, with a deep breath, Steve knew he had to take the situation in hand.

"Cheryl, look at me." At first nothing happened, but then, slowly, she looked up at him, and he could see the horror etched in her face and eyes. "I know that this is really hard for you, and it would be real easy for us to go back and leave through the exit by the lockers, but if we did, what would happen when you came in next week, or the week after? You can't spend your whole life avoiding this part of the station."

"But I can see it, if I shut my eyes, I can see them laying there, Martin, and Bob, and the others, and the blood, Steve, please, help me." 

Steve could see that talking wasn't going to be enough, but he knew that if he gave in to her, it would be even harder for her to leave through the main exit the next time. And if there was an emergency and they had to leave this way she may never be able to do it. "Cheryl, do you think it is going to happen again, if you go through these doors?"

"No, I don't think so." Cheryl wasn't sure; right now she wasn't convinced that she was safe wherever she was.

"And you say you can see it all when you shut your eyes, well, we are going to walk through, you and I, and we will both have our eyes wide open, ok?"

"Ok … I think." 

That was all Steve needed. He took Cheryl by the hand and steered her towards the doors. He could feel her shaking, and dragging her feet, but he didn't stop, or turn to look at her, he just kept walking. Steve pushed the door open with his free hand and walked, a little quicker than usual, out across the parking lot to his car. Once he got there he stopped and turned Cheryl so that she was facing him. "There, I know that was hard for you, but you did it, next time it won't be such a big thing, all right?"

Cheryl just nodded, and then she flung herself into his arms and sobbed on his shoulder. There were no other cops around, and so, for a few minutes, Steve stood there and waited while she let some of her pain and anguish go, then, when she began to calm herself, he opened the passenger door to his truck and helped her inside.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Alex had come up to see Rae when Lauren had pressed the buzzer, and after the two doctors had consulted for a few moments he had entered Rae's room and taken the therapist's place.

"Rae, come on, you need to relax, you aren't going to do yourself or your baby any good if you carry on this way." 

Rae was sitting in her wheelchair, her head leaning back on the special headrest that had been placed there to help her neck and shoulders. Alex could see that Rae had retreated into herself, and was either not hearing him, or not wanting to hear him, but he wasn't sure yet which it was. Both her hands were held in fists, which was, Alex knew, a very painful thing for her to do. He could tell that Rae was breathing just deep enough to keep herself conscious, but she wasn't taking in any information from the world around her. "Rae, do you want me to go wake Jesse? Maybe it would help for you to talk to him."

Still there was no response, and Alex knew that whatever he did, Rae wasn't going to respond. He needed to get her into bed, then he could give her a mild sedative, which would hopefully send her to sleep, she should wake up naturally and he would help her to come to terms with whatever it was that had sent her into her own nightmare. He hadn't planned to come in to the hospital the next day, but now he knew that he would. Pressing the button for the nurse Alex moved over and prepared the bed so that it was just a case of gently placing his patient into it, and then he waited for someone to answer him.

The nurse who came into the room was tiny and Alex realized that he wasn't any better off than he had been before. "Hi, could you get me an orderly up here? Only I need to move Mrs Travis into the bed, and she isn't able to respond right now, so she will be almost a dead weight."

"Yes, Doctor," the nurse left the room, and Alex moved back over to Rae. There had been no change in her condition, except he could see that a tear had stolen away and run down her cheek. Somehow this made her condition seem even worse, and he wanted so to be able to wave a magic wand for her and make her whole again. Shaking his head to get rid of the fanciful notion Alex turned to see a far more suitable member of staff walking down the hallway. The young man stopped and waited at the door. 

"Doctor Martin?"

"Yes, that's me, I need your help …" Alex checked his badge, "Justin, to get this patient into her bed."

"Of course, Doctor." 

"The problem is that she has injuries to her shoulders, arms and knees, which make moving her very difficult. Normally she has a hydraulic lift, but I wondered whether it would be possible, just this time, to get her into bed without that."

Justin moved over to where Rae was sitting and eyed up the situation. "Well, I could just lift and lie; if I was quick it would be over in just a few seconds." Seeing Alex nod the young man crouched down by the side of the chair. "Once I have her can you move the chair back?" Alex nodded once more, and the next thing he knew Rae was in the orderly's arms, "Now." The chair was moved away and Rae was on the bed before Alex could really think about it, he knew that under normal circumstances, even as quick as it was, the movement would have hurt her, but there was no reaction at all.

"Justin, thank you. I appreciate your help."

"Hey, it's not a problem, Doc; any time, just call me." With that Justin moved away back down towards the room where he had been working. He smiled as he went, knowing that he had carried out his instructions to the letter. He had been helping Doctor Collins with a patient three doors down the hallway when the call had gone out for an orderly to help Doctor Martin, and he had been sent with express directions not to let the young doctor do anything that might put a strain on him, but also not to let him know that was what he was doing. _Yep, just as I was told._ Justin smiled again, sometimes his job was great.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had stopped at a grocery store on the way to Cheryl's house and bought some pasta and a ready made sauce, which he had heated up in the kitchen and then he sat, his own plate of steaming food in front of him and watched as Cheryl moved her fork round and round in her meal without actually eating any of it.

"Now, I know I don't do much cooking any more, ok, I never did much cooking, but this is something I can handle all by myself, it is edible you know."

Cheryl smiled at her friend and ex-partner, but she still didn't eat any food.  "Cheryl, you have to eat, you will feel worse if you don't."

"No, Steve, I don't think it is possible for me to feel any worse than I do right now. Somebody opened fire at the precinct, killed people I had known and worked with for years, put a man I care for, a lot, in the hospital, and now you tell me that you know who did it. Steve, I just want to get the case solved and closed so we can try to get some of our lives back to normal, not me, but us, the division, the station. Who is it? We can work together, your partner is still off sick, mine is in the hospital, you and me, we could solve this, if you think you know who this creep is, just tell me and we'll nail him." Cheryl's words got faster and faster as she spoke.

"It's not a man, it's a woman." Steve waited.

"What? A woman killed all those people, seven in the drive bys up to our one, and then six cops, no, Steve, how can it be a woman?" Cheryl seemed even more shocked by that piece of news than any other.

"Rae worked out the link between the shootings, and they related to a date, a special evening, which went bad. The places were all used before a date that ended in an engagement, but when the relationship fell apart the woman left LA, well, now she's back and has taken revenge on her ex-fiancé and the places they used to go together."

"But why the station…? He's a cop isn't he … was he one of those killed or injured?"

"No, he wasn't there that day, he was … elsewhere." Steve took a breath. He wasn't sure how much he owed to George Bannister, he would have kept his secret for as long as humanly possible if he was still here, but now he had run and Steve didn't know just how long he could keep the main reason for the killings quiet.

"So, Rae told you, when? No, wait, I know, she mentioned something about it that night at Bob's, and you worked out a link then, right?"

"Yeah, sort of. I don't know if you knew that George had taken ill and had to leave early, but he did. Well, that was because he knew who the gun … woman probably was, and the whole situation swamped him for a minute. He went back home to … think things through and then the next day I visited with him and he told me. I didn't have a name when you called me, but I had a lot of information."

"But now, now you have a name?"

"Yes, I have a name, and Alison is looking for some information for me right now, and I plan to hunt this woman down … as soon as you have eaten your lunch."

Cheryl regarded him for a moment and then very hesitantly took a mouthful of her lunch. A small smile spread across her face. "You're right you know, this is edible."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Jesse woke up for his shift Rae had been asleep for about three hours, he found a message from Alex placed carefully by his head when he woke, and surprised that his young friend was still in the hospital Jesse hurried to find him.

Alex was sitting in the doctor's lounge a pile of paperwork in front of him and two boxes by his feet. He looked up as the door opened and smiled.

"Hey, Jess, do you feel better for your sleep?"

"Yeah, sort of, I dreamt about consultations, and strange doctors, but at least I slept. You left a message for me?"

"I had to sedate Rae … no wait, Jesse; I'll tell you what happened."

By the time Alex had finished explaining the situation to Jesse, he was ready to rush up to his wife's room, but Alex managed to keep him where he was a little longer.

"Jesse, I don't think she'll know that you're there, she certainly didn't know I was, and when I mentioned your name there was no response. I think she was just mentally exhausted, she was put through hoops this morning, and the shooting at the precinct affected her, even though she hasn't worked there in a while, you heard her today, the pain is with her constantly, and she's pregnant, Jess, I'm surprised she hasn't done this before. She has been so up, there had to be a down, and this may last a while."

"Yeah, I'm surprised too. I kept watching and waiting, y'know, and I guess I just got so used to her being her normal self, that I stopped … watching and waiting. After she got scared at Amanda's nothing else happened, but today, well Doctor Tammai gave her hope, maybe in a funny way that was just too much for her to cope with?"

"It might be. She could be so used to being negative, and then suddenly there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and I guess she couldn't process all the thoughts at once, and she shut down. Jesse, I know that you want to be with her, but she will sleep all night, and I have already left a note on her file that if she does wake up you are to be called."

Jesse nodded, and then after checking his watch looked back at his friend. "I'll just take a stroll past her door on the way to the ER, but I won't go in."

Alex smiled to himself, he had never thought of the fourth floor as a quick way to the ER, but then, Jesse had been a doctor here much longer than he had.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had been busy almost all day, but throughout the entire time thoughts had been running through her head. The wedding had been postponed, and it looked as if it would be June or July before she could book everybody she wanted to make their special day go smoothly. David had removed the date from his diary, and she had postponed an appointment that had been made for her and Steve to see Gilbert. She hadn't mentioned it to Steve yet, but she would, Jo didn't really want the meeting to go ahead, but she knew it had to. As she stopped for a coffee break Jo sat on the patio and thought back to the meeting that she and Steve had had with Gilbert a little while after they had got engaged.

_"We're going to do what?" Steve had been driving his truck with Jo beside him, and couldn't believe what she had just said._

_"We're going to go see Gilbert about a pre-nuptial agreement." Jo hadn't said anything further. She knew Steve would be angry about it, and so until that moment Steve hadn't had any idea where he was taking her._

_Steve had pulled into the first parking lot he had found, and once he was safely parked had turned to her and Jo could see not only anger but hurt in his eyes. "You think I'm marrying you for your money?"_

_"No, darlin' not at all, __but I am the majority stock holder in a major corporation.  Everythin' I do has the potential to affect a lot of people's lives, hardworkin' people in my company; older people who are countin' on their stock dividends for retirement, people need to know that this marriage won't affect the business.  The best way to give them that assurance is to have an agreement on record that details specifically what our involvement with each other's finances will be. __I know you love me, an' that is why you are marryin' me, or will be marryin' me, but, but this just has to be done. I think Gilbert might stand up in church otherwise."_

_Jo had watched as Steve began to speak, but she cut across him, wanting to get her point made. "You know my friend Guy Mackeson?" Steve nodded his head, he had heard of the man, but never met him. "He was married to a, I guess you would call her a trophy wife. Gillian her name was, an' when their marriage broke down they had no agreement, an' so she got half the company. Tri-Mark Plastics, they were quite a big firm, an' employed … well, I don't know how many people. She got half the company in their settlement, an' she just kept bein' as difficult and contrary as she could until she had bankrupted her ex-husband. Trouble is she put people out of work, an' Guy wasn't the only person she ruined." Jo stopped for a moment and saw the horrified look on Steve's face. Hurriedly she tried to appease him. "I'm not sayin' that you are gonna do that, I know you aren't, an' David an' Gilbert do too. But I have shareholders to think of, an' I need to keep them happy. This way, that will happen." _

_Steve shook his head. "Ok, I guess I don't have any choice but to go through with this, I know how wealthy you are, and it makes no difference to me. If you lost everything tomorrow I would still be here, still wanting to marry you. But that isn't enough is it?"_

_Jo had leant into him and kissed him, deeply and with a passion that was probably out of place in a parking lot, but she was touched by what he had said, and she hurt for him. When they separated she looked into his eyes and then smiled. "If it was the only way to be with you, I would give all of it away, right now, you are more important to me than any money, or family business or any ol' piece of paper that we have to sign. But once it is done, we can forget all about it."_

_Steve had just nodded his head and then started up the truck and moved back out into the traffic, a little appeased, but still wanting to be any place other than where he was._

Now that a date for the wedding had been set they would need to go and update all the forms they had signed, but Jo knew it could wait until after the ceremony. The first set of papers would be fine until then.  With that decided Jo walked into the kitchen, rinsed her cup and put it in the dishwasher. She tried to bring her mind back to the plans she was making, but Jo knew that she had to talk to Steve, not about anything that had ever been mentioned before, and she had to push her fear down so that before she finalized everything she could let him into a part of her life that only one or two people had any knowledge of. The morning she had thought she would wait awhile, but now she knew she couldn't, she had to tell him now, tonight. Finally she had spoken to Michael and Mark and they had agreed to go off to another part of the house, with Eliana, and leave her and Steve to spend a quiet evening together. 

Jo had given Michael permission to let Mark know what the problem was, and so with a heavy heart she set about making a quick and easy meal for them. As she prepared the salad her mind went back to their first meal together in this house. Michael had been given the night off, and she had prepared all sorts of different starters because she hadn't known what Steve would like, then they had eaten steak and there had been a chocolate meringue desert which had never been eaten. The whole relationship had nearly floundered that night, because of the intensity of Steve's feelings for her, and now she knew that it could flounder once again.

Steve had called just after five to say that he had to visit a gun club on the way home, which shut at seven, so he would definitely be home by seven thirty. The meatball dish was waiting for its seven o'clock visit to the oven, and so, as organized as she could be, Jo headed for the morning room and tried to work out what she was going to say.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve arrived at the gun club at twenty past five and walked into the office, there were two people working in there, and the walls were covered with certificates and photos of people in various poses, all carrying firearms. A large glass fronted cabinet covered one entire wall and inside it Steve could see large cups and shields, all with engraving on their surfaces. He could also see that someone called Carlos Fernandez was this year's club captain, and an Aniline Middlemass was the ladies captain.

By the time he had taken all this information in one of the people behind the counter was waiting for him to approach, and so taking his ID in his left hand he moved over towards him.

"Hi, I spoke to a Mr. Bartholomew on the phone; I'm Lieutenant Sloan, LAPD."

"Oh, yes, if you would like to take a seat, Lieutenant, Mr. Bartholomew will be free in just a few moments. He has someone with him right now."

When Amanda had mentioned about Sandra Breth being a good shot Steve had known that she was right. All of the drive-bys had been accurately carried out. No other stores had been in the firing line, and then, at the station, the hit had been undertaken with precision shooting. The woman had to practice somewhere and, if it took him forever, he would find out where. Ten minutes later Steve checked his watch and stood up, he moved back over towards the counter just as a large and extremely well dressed black man came towards him. "Lieutenant Sloan, I am so sorry to keep you waiting, my name is Ethan Bartholomew, won't you please come into my office?"

"Thank you." Steve followed the man into a dark mahogany dominated room which had rifles on the wall and a set of hunting pistols displayed on his desk.

"Sir, I'll get right to the point, I'm investigating a series of drive by shootings, and we have reason to believe that one of your members, or a guest of one of your members, is on our list of suspects."

"I see, Lieutenant, and you know this how? Our membership list is only available to me, the club secretary and our accountant, now, I didn't speak with you when you called, and neither the secretary nor accountant is in the club today."

"How the information was discovered isn't really important right now." Steve had no idea how Alison had known that there was a chance Sandra Breth had shot at this club, and so he hoped that Mr. Bartholomew would let him move the conversation on. "The name of the person I require information on is Sandra Breth, and I do have a warrant, Sir."

"Good, good, I'm sure you do.  Lieutenant, I imagine that you can understand, maybe more than most because of your position, that the world is full of people who are sure they have the right to take up arms against those they feel slight them, we try to police …" Mr. Bartholomew slightly bobbed his head to let Steve know he appreciated what he had just said, "all potential members, and so far we have had no problems with our membership, but that membership does include a right to privacy for every man and woman who pays our fees. I'm sorry, what was the name again?"

"Sandra Breth." Steve waited; he could tell that the man in front of him hadn't finished what he needed to say.

"The name doesn't immediately bring anyone to mind, but as this is such a serious crime, I will search our database for you personally. Am I right in suspecting, Lieutenant, that this has something to do with the terrible happenings outside the station in North Hollywood earlier in the week?"

"Yes, Sir, that is correct." Steve sat and waited while Ethan Bartholomew called up information on his computer, and he could see him tapping words in on the keyboard. Finally with a shake of the head the large man stood up.

"There are clubs that have had, shall we say, an image problem, but we have always prided ourselves on our open minded but strict admissions policy. I'm sorry, Lieutenant, I have checked back over the last month and there is no one of that name in our files. We keep a note of the names of all the guests that we have here, admittedly for security reasons, but also in the hope that we may persuade them to become members themselves. I imagine that it would be common practice for this to happen in most clubs in this area."

"Well, thank you for your time and assistance. If she does try to register here, could you take her on and then contact me?" Steve took a card out of his top pocket and passed it over to the man now standing next to him.

"Yes, of course. I wish you luck in finding the person responsible for that horrendous crime, Lieutenant. Most gun owners are quiet, law abiding people who use them for sport only, as I said this kind of thing gives us a bad name."

Steve turned and moved over towards the door. He wasn't really interested in the type of reputation that the gun clubs had, he just wanted justice for his fallen colleagues.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse walked up towards Rae's room after half of his shift to spend a few minutes sitting with her. Alex had left him a note of what Lauren had told him and so he wasn't expecting to find anything other than his wife, fast asleep in bed, protected from her nightmare situation by the medication she had been given. He was relieved to see that her face was peaceful, and her body relaxed, and so sitting to the right side of the bed Jesse took her hand.

"Rae, I don't know if you can hear me, I hope not, because then you are getting some of the sleep your body needs to help you through the next few days and weeks, but I just had to tell you how proud I am of the way you have coped with all of this. I know you felt that your life, in some respects, was over, but now maybe we have hope that it really isn't. But whatever happens, we can still have a happy and productive life together, I have never ever loved anyone the way I love you, and I will do everything I can to make your life complete. I'm sorry that I get so paranoid about what you are doing, whether you can cope with it, with Eliana, but I know that everything you do is hard for you, and I just worry for you. Honey, I have to get back to work, but I just wanted you to know, that whatever has happened, and is still to come, nothing, and I mean nothing, will ever stop me from loving you." Jesse leant over and kissed Rae gently on the forehead, and then stood and turned to leave the room, as he got to the door he heard a sound and stopped.

"I love you too, Jesse." The words were low and slurred by sleep, but with a smile on his face Jesse returned to duty.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve arrived home to the smell of Italian food cooking, and the sight of his fiancée standing looking out onto her garden. She seemed lost in thought, and he was able to move right up behind her and gently encompass her in his arms before she even realized that he was home.

"Oh, Steve, you made me jump. How was your day?"

"Difficult, but I think every day will be like that for a while. Bob's funeral is tomorrow at two. I said I would take Rae. It's the first one; I have another four to attend yet."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Jo looked into his face, and wished that she could postpone her disclosures.

"No, I'll be there in an official capacity, I wouldn't be able to be with you, I think that it will be better if I go alone, but thank you." 

"Official capacity as in bein' a cop?"

"No, I spoke to Mrs. Mills today, and … and she asked me to be a pall bearer. Seems that most of Bob's family live back East and may not even be at the funeral, she said that Bob had talked about Rae and me, and she would be grateful if I could arrange the other pall bearers, and be one myself." _Grateful_, Steve shook his head, the woman had just lost her husband in an incident that he should have been able to prevent, and she felt grateful to him. "Sorry, Jo, I didn't want to bring this home." Steve leant in and kissed her on the lips. She seemed to move back from him, and, surprised by her actions, he stopped and moved away himself. "Jo, Honey, is there something wrong?"

"No, I just need to talk to you about somethin' but it can wait until after we have eaten."

"Actually I'm not hungry right now, and I think I would rather hear what you have to say first." Steve's heart was thumping in his chest, and he could tell by Jo's face that what she had to tell him was not going to be pleasant. "Something has happened hasn't it? It can't be Dad, or Rae, because you would have called, so it is something that has happened to you."

"Yeah, somethin' that happened to me, but not today, nor yesterday, but a long time ago, it needs to be talked about now." Jo paused for a moment and took a deep breath, and then sighed as she felt Steve take her hand in his and move closer to her. His arm went around her and he pulled her into his embrace. 

"Honey, whatever it is, I'm sure we can face it together, so just tell me, and then we'll take it from there."

Jo nodded her head and then began to speak. "This mornin' when Eliana an' I were watchin' you go off to work you said about us doin' the same thing. Steve, I know that you want a family, an' probably straight away, but I don't think I can have children."


	10. A Good Friend Never Offends

**A Good Friend Never Offends**

"What? What did you say?" Steve had found the closest chair and almost fallen into it. "I don't understand, you don't think you can have children?" He repeated the statement, not really knowing what else to say.

Jo was still standing where she had been when Steve came into the room, but now she turned and faced him. "It's a long story an' some of it you know, but some of it you don't."

"Honey, I have all night, do you want to go and talk privately upstairs?" A thought suddenly struck Steve. "Where are Dad, Michael and Eliana?" _Eliana_, just the idea of having a baby like her had helped keep him going when things had been difficult, now it seemed that was being taken away before he even got the chance to find out what it would be like to be a dad.

"Michael knows what I have to tell you, an' so he an' Mark have taken Eliana through to the drawin' room. Michael is gonna tell Mark." The drawing room was hardly ever used, and Steve knew that they had gone there to give them the privacy here, in Jo's favourite room.

Steve stood up and moved over to the sofa that was seldom sat on. He leant back and rested his arm along the top of it and to his relief Jo came over and sat so that he could wrap her up and help her tell her tale. He gently kissed her hair, and felt her take in a deep breath.

"When I was sent to Waco, I was the weapons expert at my precinct on homicide. Someone killed with a gun? Send for Detective Walters. Well, they sure had a lot of guns there, an' so I guess it was inevitable that I would have to go." Jo stopped talking, already the memories were tugging at her, making her feel vulnerable and afraid.

"Shhh, I'm here, you're telling it, not living it, ok? It will be all right." Steve could feel her emotions as they fought to reach the surface, and he hoped his words would help her.

"We came up together in a van, an' I had a room at a local hotel. I know it sounds strange, but I didn't want to be mixin' with cops when I wasn't workin', I may be a little naïve, but I'm not stupid, I knew that it would be a difficult situation, an' I wanted to be able to switch off an' think of other things when I wasn't actually on duty." If Jo shut her eyes she could see the room that had become her sanctuary while she was on loan. 

"I didn't realize just how much I came to rely on that room. I would work either out at the command posts that had been set up, or at the station, tryin' to find out what was goin' on in that place, how we could end it peacefully, well, we failed there. I needed that space, but I guess after a while I realized how cut off I was becomin' an' I started to go an' socialize a little after work… There was this guy, Wayne, his name was, he was the leader of the squad I'd been put in, he was a funny guy, but then I guess he needed to be, he had more information than the rest of us, he knew what was goin' down." For a second Jo succumbed to the emotions and a shudder passed through her slender frame. She felt Steve's arms pull her closer and she found the strength from him to carry on.

"He took me to a bar they used, we didn't work the same shifts all the time, but this night we both finished just about the same time. Because we had all traveled up together, I didn't have my car an' so anywhere I needed to go I just walked. They had put us all in a hotel in the same street as the station, an' the bar was just nearby. If I needed to go further afield I could always grab me a ride from the police motor pool.  Anyway, he took me to this bar, an' I had a good evenin', I had a few drinks, a few laughs, an' I found that I was wrong, the other guys didn't want to talk about what was happenin' any more than I did, work was a taboo subject. I don't know if they changed what they talked about when I was there, but I was the only woman in our group who had been sent up to Waco, although some of the local cops an' officers from other areas were women."

Steve felt for her, the camaraderie of the squad was all important, as he was finding out for himself right now. To be a stranger and the only woman must have been doubly hard for her. He didn't say anything, but he understood a little more about her breakdown with every word she spoke.

"This carried on for a good while. You know how long the stand off continued, well, I would go for a drink some nights … normally when Wayne was goin' too, an' I guess we sort of became an item. The other guys asked me out, but somehow it didn't seem right to go with them when I was seein' Wayne. Anyhow, one night, instead of takin' me to the bar he told me to go back to my room, scrub up nice, an' he would take me out to dinner. I did just that, it was good to look like a woman for a change. I had taken one dress with me, an' so I wore that, put my hair up real pretty, an' I even put make up on. I could tell he was impressed when he came by to pick me up, an' I was pleased. I hadn't had many boyfriends, people who lived near us knew about the money, an' I always felt that nobody wanted me for what I was, but for who I was an' what I had, so I was wary, too wary I guess, but now it didn't matter, he didn't know squat about me, an' all he would know would be what I chose to tell him." Jo stopped talking, she knew that it was going to get harder before long, and she needed a little more reassurance before she continued.

"Go on." Steve wanted to tell her it would be all right to stop now, to tell him the rest later, but he knew that wasn't the case, he needed to know, and he had a feeling that this was a one time offer, if Jo didn't finish now, she may never tell him.

"We had a lovely evenin' an' the food an' the wine was as good as the company. Like I said, he was a funny guy, an' I loved to be with him… When he dropped me off, I knew that he didn't want to go home, an' I realized that I didn't want him to go either, so I asked him in for coffee… I'd never done that before, not with anybody, an' I felt bold, an' grown up, an' normal, nothin' mattered to him except who he thought I was, an' that was a good feelin', one I didn't want to go away… I guess in a way we were deceivin' each other, but I didn't hurt anyone."

This time Steve said nothing, he had a feeling he knew a little of what was coming, and so he waited.

"Do you remember when we … when we had our first meal here? I told you I wasn't a virgin, well, that evenin' I was, but I loved him, an' I thought he loved me…" She stopped talking again as she pictured the man in her mind. He hadn't been handsome, not in the drop dead gorgeous way that Steve was, but he'd had the same type of presence, a confident man, sure of who he was and what he was doing with his life. He had known what he wanted too, and that night, she had been convinced that he wanted her. 

"Jo, Honey, are you gonna continue?" Steve put a finger under her chin and turned her face towards him and he could see tears coming up in her eyes. He wasn't surprised, he had known they would come, he just hadn't known when.

"I don't need to go into details, you know what happened that night, an' I enjoyed every minute of it…" Jo's voice tailed away to nothing, and she leant into Steve's chest and cried. He didn't say a word, but he knew he didn't need to. He slowly ran his hand over her hair, and waited for her to continue, and so for a few minutes the room was silent except for the sound of Jo's sobs, but then she gulped and began to straighten up.

"I went into the station the next morning, an' I felt so special, like I belonged, y'know, I was part of a couple, I felt like everyone would see I was different, like I was glowin' an' I liked that … I picked up a coffee from the machine an' I saw Wayne, with a couple of his friends, they were slappin' him on the back, an' then one of them gave him some cash…" This time Jo couldn't continue and the tears started again. Steve was feeling more and more helpless, all he could do was hold her, and hope that it would be enough.

"I heard one of his friends ask him, 'what was she like?' an' … an' then Wayne said, 'just like any other, they're all the same to me… but I told you I'd have her first…' I … I dropped my coffee, an' they turned to see me tryin' to mop it up. I never said I had heard them, but I never went out with him again, either."

"Jo, Sweetie, I am so sorry, I don't know what else to say." Steve had been on long term assignments before, and knew that the off duty time often included bragging, bets and light hearted character assassinations, but this was out of line as far as he was concerned, and it made him want to kick something, or worse. But it wasn't him he had to worry about, but Jo, and he knew that allowing himself the luxury of losing his temper wasn't an option right now.

"Don't say anythin', Steve, it was a long time ago, but I haven't finished, an' I have to say it all now… I carried on workin', Wayne wasn't bothered that I didn't want to go out with him any more, he'd got what he wanted, an' I retreated back to my room an' spent any free time I had there. Well, you know what happened, an' what happened to me, I went home, an' found out that I was pregnant. I was terrified, I had no idea what to do, an' so I went to my grandmamma an' told her everythin'. She was wonderful, just like she always was, an' told me that it wasn't a problem, we could do things just as I wanted them to be done. The relief was enormous, an' in the end I decided that I would have the child … but at twenty-six weeks, he died. He had been movin' about, an' I had been gettin' to know him, you know. Talkin' to him, an' playin' music for him to listen to, but I guess that was all I was supposed to have, because it all went wrong, an' … an' he died." Jo stopped talking for a moment. The memory of that terrible time had been buried deep for a long while, but now it moved closer to the surface and she had to breathe deeply to stop it from overwhelming her, just as it had done before.

"I woke up in the middle of the night, an' I knew that there was somethin' really wrong, but I didn't know what. I tried to sit up but I just I couldn't work out how to do that … I must have cried out, because Grandmamma came to my room, an' she hardly ever did that. I saw her in the doorway, an' I managed to move the covers off the bed … the next time I knew about anythin' I wasn't pregnant any more… my baby was gone. You know what happened to me just after that; I guess losin' David was the last thing my body an' brain could cope with."

"David?"

"I named him after my brother an' my daddy."

Steve knew that there was nothing he could do to ease her pain, and so he sat and tried to take in what she had told him. Nothing that she had said gave any reason why she couldn't have children now, nor why she had waited so long to tell him, unless she was ashamed. He felt his anger rise, and tried to push it back down. They had to trust each other and she hadn't trusted him, it was as simple as that.

"Do you know why he died?"

"David, he was called David, Steve, an' yes, sort of. I had pre-eclampsia, an' when you have it as bad as I did before twenty-seven weeks of pregnancy it is real serious. I was rushed into hospital after I collapsed at home, but they couldn't save David, an' he died. But he was beautiful; I have a picture upstairs, if you would like to see him an' a little piece of his downy hair, it doesn't look like it, but I know what it is. I loved him so much, but it wasn't meant to be."

"But why does that mean you can't have children now, our children? I don't know what pre-eclampsia is, I've heard of it, but I don't know what it is."

"Because, the doctor said that I had more than a sixty percent chance of that happenin' to me again, an' I couldn't cope with it, not twice. I didn't love Wayne, I thought I did, but it wasn't love, not like we have. To lose our child, I don't think I would ever recover." Jo stood up and moved away towards the windows. "Pre-eclampsia is caused by extremely high blood pressure, an' is just as dangerous for the mother as it is for the child. They try to keep the baby safe, but sometimes they have to deliver them early an' hope that the child will survive. That is what happened with David, but he was too small. Steve, I nearly died, I don't want to die, I want to be with you, an' if that means no children, well …" The tears had started again as Jo said she didn't want to die, and for a long time she just sobbed. Steve had moved towards her and caught her as she collapsed, the sobs taking her over, and now he just helped her over to the sofa and sat and murmured softly, hoping he was helping. After what seemed like an eternity, but was about half an hour, Jo moved and Steve knew that he had to continue the conversation.

"And that is why you could understand what Rae was going through when Eliana was born?"

Jo just nodded, then she spoke again. "I knew what it was like to lay in a hospital bed, no longer pregnant but with no baby. She was luckier than me, an' her early delivery wasn't due to pre-eclampsia. Steve, I wouldn't wish what happened to me on my worst enemy. There are no words to describe the feelin's of bein' pregnant one day an' not the next. My blood pressure had been a little high throughout my pregnancy, but nothin' that had worried me or them, an' let's face it I had been through Waco, anybody's blood pressure would be high! But for some reason it just rocketed, an' it could happen again, no reason, just bam! I can't go through that twice, an' you, you wouldn't want to go through it once." She looked outside, and realized that the world was dark. Jo quickly looked at her watch and gasped. They had been talking for over two hours, it was after nine o'clock.

"Jo, Honey, I don't know what to say to you, but I know that you are upset and hurting right now, I think we need to leave everything tonight. We can talk this through again." He saw Jo just nod her head and move towards the stairs, he went to follow her, but then thought of something.  "I'll be up in a minute." He headed on down the hallway and then stopped. "Jo," she also stopped and looked over the banister. 

"Yes?" Her voice was quiet and sad.

"I love you; you do know that, don't you?"

"Oh yeah, I know that, an' I love you, too." 

Steve was rewarded with a small smile, and then he moved away and walked into the drawing room. 

It was a beautiful room, and Steve wished that they used it more often. All the furniture was mahogany and under Michael's loving care, it shone richly. The carpet was Indian, and he knew that Jo had brought it when she was on her travels; it was deep burgundy with gold patterns. Steve could see his dad sitting in a gold brocade chair looking at one of the first edition books that abounded in this room. Steve cleared his throat and Mark looked round, the worry and concern of the evening etched in his face. "Steve, Son are you all right?"

"No, Dad, I'm not all right, not all right at all, but I don't really know what I am." Steve ran his hands through his hair, the desperate nature of his conversation hitting him once again. "Is she right; is there more than a sixty percent chance of it happening again?"

"No, it's not quite as bad as that anymore, but it is still about fifty percent, when it happened as early as it did to Jo."

"Dad, I'm sorry, I can't talk about this tonight, I'm gonna go to bed, and see what happens tomorrow."

"Steve, we can work this through, you do know that don't you?"

"Yeah, Dad, I'll see you tomorrow … do you want me to help you up the stairs?"

"No, that's all right, I will read this for a while yet. Michael offered to do the same when he put Eliana to bed, but I don't like to take the book upstairs, just in case."

Steve moved over, and just for an instant squeezed his dad's shoulder, then without another word he turned and left him to his reading. Once he got out into the hallway Steve realized that he couldn't go to bed, not yet. His mind was so full of all that he had heard that he needed to just sit and process his thoughts; otherwise he would go upstairs and maybe say something he would regret.

Why hadn't she told him about this before? Steve shook his head; he had never hidden the fact that he wanted children, and since Eliana had arrived in his life it had been even more obvious. He didn't care about boys or girls, he just wanted to have a family, and he wanted to have it with Jo. As he sat here his hand brushed his badge, and he thought about the jerk who did this to her. Wayne, he knew just what he would like to do to Wayne, but if he did, there would be no badge on his belt. Steve pushed the man out of his mind; he wasn't worth the space he took up. He thought about Jo, and the pain in her eyes as she spoke about what had happened to her. Maybe the fact that he obviously wanted a family so much had been why she hadn't said anything. Was it his age, did the fact that he was older than Jesse and still didn't have any children have anything to do with his almost overwhelming desire to be a dad? Would Jo consider adoption or fostering? Would he? It had worked so well for Amanda and he knew that they could give any child a happy secure home life. It would still be a family, but would he consider it his own family, or just one he had borrowed? Steve ran his hand over his eyes, he was getting tired, and knew that any decisions he made about anything now, would probably not be the same as the ones he would make in the morning, so this was the time to leave it and sleep. With a deep sigh, Steve stood up, stretched a little, and then headed for the stairs.

Steve went towards his own bedroom, but then he stopped and changed direction and before he knew it, he was standing in the nursery, watching his goddaughter as she slept.

How could she have not told him about her problems? It wasn't fair. Fair, he shook his head, so many things weren't fair, and this was just one more to add to the list. It wasn't fair that Jo didn't want to risk having a child with him, it wasn't fair that this little girl had been kidnapped, and he had lost his best friend because of it, it certainly wasn't fair that Rae was lying in hospital, and that five of his colleagues had been killed, but right now all that meant nothing, this little child had made him realize how much he could love a baby of his own, how much he wanted a family, not just any family, but his, with Jo, her, him and one, two, maybe even more children, and now, now that he had it within his grasp, it was gone again, maybe forever and right now that seemed the unfairest thing of all.

With a sigh Steve leant over the crib and gently touched the face of his goddaughter, she was the most beautiful child he had ever seen, and he loved her almost too much. She had a strand of her hair on her face, and he pushed it away. The curls were back now, and she looked almost as she had done when she had been taken. Her chest rose and fell as she breathed, and then, almost as if she sensed his presence she moved a little hand up and rested it on his own. For a moment he was spellbound, but then he left her, and quietly headed to bed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As Alex had hoped, Rae woke up normally the next morning, but it was clear that she wasn't going to be well enough to attend the funeral as she had planned. Jesse had worked throughout the night, but it had been quiet and he had managed to catch just over four hours sleep. Once Alex had checked Rae over he had called down to get Jesse to come up and join him.

Jesse rushed up in the elevator, and found Alex waiting in the hallway for him. "Alex, is she all right? I need to go see her."

"Jesse, just wait a minute… She's ok, awake and waiting for you, but she isn't gonna be able to go to Bob's funeral, and that has upset her. I just don't think that emotionally she could handle the situation. I know she really liked Bob, and, well, any funeral is traumatic, but this will be extremely so. She didn't like my decision, but she already has so much going on in her mind and her life that I don't think she can handle anything else. I know she has some things to talk to you about, but, if she gets too distressed I want you to go into doctor mode and call me. I'm on light duties all day, so I'll be around."

"Thank you, Alex, and I'm sorry, I'm not the best of friends to have right now."

"Jesse, don't. I have no problems with you, but, if you don't mind me saying, you need to speak with Steve."

"I know, but right now I have more pressing matters to attend to." Jesse moved away and into Rae's room.

"Rae, Honey?" Jesse could see that Rae was reading a pamphlet of some kind, but she opened her hand and let it fall to the bed when she heard his voice.

"Jesse." Rae smiled, but it was such a small one that it was almost gone before it started. "I want to go to Bob's funeral, will you take me?"

"And go against what Alex said? No, of course not! He's your doctor, Rae, he wouldn't go against my orders, and I won't go against his."

Rae leant back against the pillows and shut her eyes. "No, I didn't think you would, but I had to try. I'm sorry, Jesse." She opened her eyes, and waited.

Jesse looked at her; she seemed, if possible, to be more in need of hospital care now than she had been before she was admitted. "Rae, talk to me, we promised that we wouldn't shut each other out any more, but right now, I have no idea what you are thinking, please, Rae, don't do this to me any more."

The room was silent for a few minutes while Jesse watched Rae come to some decisions in her mind. Then he saw her take a breath. "I've decided not to have the operation, definitely not before the baby is born and maybe not afterwards, I'm not sure yet … Jess, I'm going to go away, I don't know for how long."

"Rae?" Jesse's mind was suddenly whirring. "I don't understand, the operation could help you, give you increased mobility in your right arm, why wouldn't you want to have it done?"

"Because of the baby, and because I don't think I can cope with the prospect of it failing. My mind is made up, no operation."

"And that's it? No discussion with me, no talking it over with anyone? You just up and decide, no operation, well, that's just great! Even when you are talking to me you shut me out."

"Jesse, look at me, this is my life I'm talking about. I've changed, since we first met, a lot. That isn't your fault, or mine, but I cannot let people make my decisions for me any more. Maybe I will go back to the way I was, whether I have this operation or not, but even then you will carry on protecting me, and smothering me, and driving me nuts."

"Rae, don't, I love you, I don't mean to smother you, I just want to keep you safe, and here, with me."

For a moment Rae smiled. "I know that, Jesse, and I love you too, but whether I have the operation or not isn't going to make any difference to you, you will still do all those things, and I will try to live with them, but I know that I can't face the possibility of eighteen months of post operative pain, whether it works or not."

"Will you at least let me look into it myself? There must be some information that I can find out which gives us some more on what is involved in this operation, and whether the prognosis on the after affects is as gloomy as you think."

"If it makes you feel better, I guess you can." Rae didn't know what else to do or say, so she just lay and waited. The room was silent for over five minutes before Rae knew that she couldn't stand it any longer. "I'm going away, Jesse, I don't know for how long, but I'll stay away as long as necessary to achieve what I want to achieve."

"Achieve, what do you want to achieve, Rae?"

"I want to be able to live my life to the full, maybe, before you say anything, without having the operation. If I can find myself at this place, then that is what I intend to do."

"Rae, no, please, I can't help you, and keep you safe if you go away, where are you going to go, and why don't you know how long for, Rae?"

"Jesse, there's a place called The Willows, just outside San Francisco, it's a rehabilitation centre, which specialises in the type of injuries I have, and the problems that go with them. Lauren has got me a place there, and I am going to go, as soon as they have a vacancy."

Jesse couldn't believe what he was hearing. "But, I can't get time off just like that, and leave town, I guess you could take Eliana, but only if the place is safe."

"I know, Jesse, but you and Eliana aren't included. I have to do this alone, no visits, no phone calls, unless I make them. Just e-mails and ordinary letters."

Jesse got up and began to walk around the room, "Why are you doing this? I can't believe, after all we have been through, that you would just make all these decisions and expect me to go along with them. Ok, maybe the operation, you're scared, that's understandable, I would be too, but to make plans to leave, and have no idea when you will get back, no, Rae, that's not how a marriage is supposed to work. You aren't even considering how this will affect our daughter." A thought suddenly struck him. "You will come back, won't you?"

"Oh, Jess, Honey, of course I will, why, did you think I wouldn't?" Rae's face showed the shock she felt at his question.

"When you were pregnant with Eliana, you wanted to leave go back to London, well, you are pregnant again, and I just wondered … sometimes, I don't know you any more, Rae, but I still love you, and I just need you here with me and Eliana. Please, don't go." Jesse's plea was from the heart, but it fell on deaf ears.

"Jesse, they told me yesterday that things could get better, that maybe there was hope that my left arm would improve as well as my right. I couldn't take it in then, it just overwhelmed me, but now, now I have to do something about it. The Willows is the place for me to get help, specialised help, but I have to do it alone." Rae was finding it difficult to explain her feelings, she was so determined to go, and Jesse was equally determined for her to stay, that she guessed that no words would really be adequate.

"Rae, I don't want you to go." Jesse tried again, but he could tell that he wasn't going to get his way.

"Well, I'm sorry, but I have to think about me, and what I want. I can't live like this any more, and this way I have a chance to do something about it. And I didn't tell you about it because I knew how you would react and I can't deal with anything more right now." Rae could feel her heart begin to pound, and she began to concentrate on her breathing. But Jesse didn't realise and started to talk again.

"We seem to have this all the time, we lurch from problem to problem, and I get to find out only what you want me to know, not what I need to know. I don't think I can continue like this."

"Jesse, please, don't, I can't help it … it's just the way … the way I am." The tears were close to the surface, but it hurt to cry, and Rae was so close to her limit of pain, conversation, everything, right now, that she just wanted to close down and wait for Jesse to leave, but she didn't know how she would survive without him. The contradictions in how she was feeling were the final straw, and the tears began, bringing with them the pain that she had been trying to avoid. "Help me … Jesse, please ... help me to do this." Rae tried to gulp down the tears, but every movement was causing her agony to increase.  "I have to go away, just for a while … but I love you, and I can't go … without your blessing."

"And if you don't get it, what happens, does that mean you will stay with us? Or you'll go anyway?"

"I have to go … I can't live this way … but I can't have the op … operation… not … not yet."

"But if you had the operation here and now… Hold on, just let me finish." Jesse didn't wait for Rae to calm down but began speaking again almost straight away. "I know that Doctor Tammai is a stranger, but everybody else knows you, and I could assist, or Mark, or Alex. We were all right at home; we can survive like this, Rae, please."

"No … Jesse, don't you understand …? I don't … don't want to survive, I want to live! The Willows will give me … that chance." Rae's voice had got louder and louder, but as she finished speaking she ran out of energy and collapsed back into the bed, her whole being shaking with the exertion she had subjected it too. 

Jesse, finally realised just how much strain she had been under, and knowing that he couldn't do anything for her, he pressed the buzzer, and then sent the nurse to get Alex. Once she had departed, Jesse watched his wife. She was still aware, but he could tell that she had nothing left to give to a conversation, or anything else for that matter. "Rae, Honey, I am so sorry, I shouldn't have pushed you, can you take my hand?"

Jesse waited, and for a while he thought that maybe she was unable to do it, but slowly her right hand moved and found his own. The room was silent once again as they waited for Alex to come and see to his patient. But Jesse's mind was running over and over what she had said. Rae was right, she had changed since he first met her that night in Bob's, and part of her attraction had been her self assuredness, but she'd had a rough time, so had he, and both of them had changed. He looked over at his wife, she was lying back on the pillows, and he knew that his 'doctor mode', as Alex had called it, hadn't kicked in quick enough. The fact that Rae was close to an emotional breakdown wasn't lost on him, and his behaviour just now hadn't helped. He needed someone to talk to, no, not someone, just one person. Once Alex arrived, and took over Rae's care, he knew what he had to do.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo woke up slowly; her dreams had been busy and complicated. Scenes that hadn't visited her in years had invaded her sleeping hours, but she hadn't woken and she hoped that she hadn't disturbed Steve. She had heard him enter the bedroom the night before, she guessed that he had been talking with his dad, but she had feigned sleep, not having the energy to talk any more about such an upsetting time in her life. She turned sleepily to see if he was awake, and awoke completely as she realised that the bed and the room were, save for herself, completely empty. 

Mark heard Jo call out for his son, and got slowly out of bed. The mornings were always the worst time for him, the side where he had been stabbed was sore and every movement pulled. Moving as fast as his body would let him, he got to his bedroom door, just in time to see Jo coming out of the spare room next to her own. "Jo, are you all right?"

"No, Mark, have you see Steve?"

"Not yet today, I didn't think he was working until after the funeral at two."

"He wasn't supposed to. But he isn't in bed, or in our room, or anywhere else up here. I thought he might be with Eliana, but I just can't find him."

Mark was about to reply when the phone began to ring in the hallway and Jo almost flew down the stairs to answer it. "Steve…? Oh, hi, Jesse, no he's not here right now… no, I don't know … oh, I'm sorry, I'll let him know… Jesse, if he was upset, where would he go … thank you, you take care now." Jo put the phone back down and turned towards where she knew Mark would be standing looking down at her from the first floor landing.

"That was Jesse, Rae isn't well enough to go to the funeral today. Jesse said Steve would either be at the Never Say Die gym, or on the beach an' that he would go look for him."

They smiled at each other; maybe they would be able to find something good in all this after all.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had parked his truck and headed for his apartment. His mind had been going over and over Jo's words all night, but as the sun came up he knew that he couldn't lie there any longer, he just had to get out and do something. He had thought about going to the gym, but it was a little early, and he felt the need to get some air in his lungs. So as quietly as he could he had left the house and made for his other home, where he knew he had at least three sets of running gear clean and waiting for him. For the last hour he had been pounding the beach, but he needed something to drink, and so Steve headed back towards the beach house, planning to have a half hour doing some weights, and then he would run again. 

As the house came into view Steve could see someone standing watching him. The person wasn't very large and for a moment he thought it was Rae, but then he realised that he was thinking impossible thoughts, and at the same moment he recognised his best friend, moving towards him.

Jesse knew the moment Steve realised who was observing him from the sandy path that led from the beach house to the main beach, because a grin flashed across his face. As he saw the larger man slow down from a run to a trot and then to a walk, he began walking himself so that he could meet him. "Steve, I need to talk to you."

"You don't know how glad I am to hear you say that, but could we go get a drink first?" 

Jesse raised his hands and two bottles of water came into view. "I know you always forget to take some with you." He smiled, and waited while Steve tried to contain his thirst and only drink slowly. Gradually his thirst was assuaged and his chest began to stop heaving. The two men were standing by Steve's favourite place to sit and talk and so Jesse dropped to the sand and made himself comfortable.

Steve did the same and then looked at his friend. He couldn't believe how much he had missed him and the easy, friendly, camaraderie that they shared; Jesse was so close to him that they were better than brothers. He had a feeling that some of the things they had been through together, whether experiences or words, he wouldn't have been able to share with a blood relative.

"Steve, I owe you such a big apology that I don't know where to start."

"No, Jesse, don't, it's ok, don't worry about it, I heard someone say once that a good friend never offends."

"Oh, no, you're not doing that to me. I really screwed up, and you were the one who suffered for it. I know how much you love Eliana, and if I hadn't been so worried I wouldn't have blamed you for her disappearance."

"Jesse, the situation was just crazy, we had Rae to worry about, Eliana too, and Alex, it was impossible. But I keep thinking what if it had been somebody else's baby with Alex, someone who had nothing to do with what was happening … Jesse? Jess are you alright?" Steve was instantly concerned, as his words were spoken his friend lost every bit of colour in his face.

"She knew, because I told her. My God, it was my fault all along!"

"Jesse, what are you talking about?"

"She knew it was Eliana because I told her. When Sally brought her in to be checked over, that woman called me to treat her, and … and I told her that I couldn't, that she was my daughter. Steve, I am so sorry."

"Jesse, it's all right, you had no idea she would do what she did, you were following hospital procedures, she was crazy, nothing anybody did would've given us a clue to what she was planning."

"But I blamed everything on you, when it all started because of me. You got mad at me, but I was out of line, and I caused it, and then I carried it on, I came to Fresno, and still I couldn't let it go. You're my best friend, and I treated you like …" Jesse turned away for a minute, he wanted to make eye contact with his friend, but he couldn't and so he took in the view, watching a small flock of gulls as they swooped towards the water.

Steve was uncertain whether he should say how he had felt or not and watched his companion quietly for a while, but in the end the silence had to be broken. "Jesse, it wasn't that, it was when you didn't believe that I was doing everything that I could to find her. I love her, Jesse, as if she was my own, I promised you and Rae that I would keep her safe, and then I lost her, she was taken and put in grave danger, if she had died …" Steve stopped talking, there wasn't anything else he could say.

"If she had died it would have been because of Louise Willis, not Steve Sloan. I knew that then, and I know it now. I just couldn't say so. Steve, she's my daughter, which was all that mattered to me, Rae was helpless, she nearly died, right there in front of me, but you suffered too, and I didn't even think of that." Jesse's shoulders heaved, as he tried to keep his emotions in check, and then he felt the reassuring presence of Steve's arm around him, and he took a deep breath. "I was out of line, and I am truly sorry."

"I know you are." Steve removed his arm, and waited a second. Slowly Jesse looked up at him, and Steve could see fear and uncertainty in his eyes. "Jess, I forgive you, you were in a situation nobody should ever have to endure, if it helped you to lash out, then I'm glad I was there, but don't carry on beating yourself up over it, it's done, finished, and we are still ok."

Jesse managed to find a smile, and then held his hand out to his friend. The firm strong grasp was as reassuring as his embrace had been, and Jesse knew that whatever had happened, they were still, and always would be, friends.

For a while the sand was silent. There were very few people on the beach, and none of them were near the two friends. Steve watched the waves as they came onto the sand and he felt the cold wet air from each breaker as it reached his face. Even when the sea was as rough and violent as today he could watch it and feel at peace with himself, and now he felt its influence once again as it soothed him, and began to help him put his problems into some sort of perspective. He realised that he needed to talk, and the one person in the world he would have chosen was sitting right next to him.

"Jesse, you're my best friend, and right now, I'm just glad you're here, because I have things that I really need to talk to you about… I don't have anyone else who'll understand like you will."

Steve told Jesse what he had heard the night before, and every word sounded like it belonged to someone else. He still couldn't believe what Jo had been told.

"Steve, what she says is right, twenty-six weeks is early to have pre-eclampsia, and the chances of it happening again are high, very high. But now that it has happened to her once she would be checked, every step of the way, any sign of it recurring and she would be taken in to hospital and monitored carefully. She could be given medication if her blood pressure started to rise, but even then, there is no guarantee that it wouldn't happen again… you could have asked your dad that."

"I could, I even went to speak with him about it all, but I was so shocked last night, that I didn't have the words. How could she do that to me, Jess?"

"Do what to you? From what you have told me she hasn't done anything to you." Jesse was confused.

"She didn't tell me, all this time, with you and Rae and your baby, and the one that you are gonna have in a few months time, still she said nothing, how could she do that to me?"

"Steve, have you told her every traumatic thing in your life?"

Steve shook his head, "No, no I haven't, but none of them are gonna alter our married life together, but this. If she doesn't trust me, if she can't find the words to tell me these things, then what will happen when we're married? Will she keep everything locked up inside her, or just tell Michael? He knew all about it, it was he who told Dad. You know I thought that she was going to tell me that she had an abortion after that … that creep used her, maybe I could have dealt with that. But now … now I have to face the fact that my future wife had a life altering illness, and she chose not to mention it. When you are married you are supposed to trust your partner. Well, where is the trust in that?"

"Did you tell her that?" Jesse looked at his friend, and he could see the hurt and pain that was threatening to take him over.

Steve shook his head. "No, no I didn't. While she was telling me, I was just concerned with keeping her with me; I didn't want her to lose herself again. It wasn't until she had gone to bed that I started to feel really angry with her."

"Steve, she's the injured party here. Why do you feel angry with her?"

"Because she didn't tell me, we've been together two years, and she never told me a word about it. Oh, I knew about Waco, or I thought I did, but she conveniently left this bit out. I guess I feel betrayed, angry and betrayed." Steve stood up, and Jesse could see that his friend had his hands in fists, and was only keeping his anger under control by the smallest margin. It was the anger that, Jesse had a feeling, Steve was most upset about. He loved Jo, and he didn't want to feel this way about her. Steve kicked at the sand for a while, and watched as two people walked past them, then he came back and sat down again.

Jesse waited, but it seemed that Steve had finished talking. Slowly Jesse began to see a connection between what Jo had said and Rae had done. Jo was in pain, her revelations would have been so difficult for her, and she had probably kept them a secret so that she didn't have to hand that pain to Steve until she had too. Jesse realised that Rae was trying, in her limited way to do the same. She knew how much he hated her being the way she was, and by taking control herself she was removing him from the agony a little. She was right, it was her decision ultimately whether she had the operation or not, and maybe The Willows would be a blessing for them both. _Blessing_, that was the word Rae had used, she wanted his blessing, but he hadn't been able to even do that for her, he had let her down, and as soon as he knew Steve was ok, he would go back and give her what she needed to take charge of her own life again. 

"Steve, listen to me for a minute, let me tell you what has happened to me today, and then see if that changes your perspective a little."

Jesse looked at his friend, and hoped he would take up his offer. He hadn't planned to tell him his problems, knowing that his friend had enough of his own, but now he wondered whether taking Steve's mind off his for a while might alter his point of view. "Ok, Jesse." Steve was going over Jo's conversation in his mind, again, but maybe Jesse was right, and turning slightly he looked at his friend, and realised for the first time, that he too was suffering.

"Rae found yesterday's visit with her team of doctors really traumatic, and to be honest so did I. This Doctor Tammai isn't what we are used to. He isn't friendly and courteous like your dad, or young and open like Alex, he is a hard-nosed, insensitive … ass, and Rae disliked him on sight. By the time she got back to her room I was so tired I had to leave, but Lauren was there, and she stayed. Rae couldn't handle it though, and in the end she just retreated into herself, a little like Jo did I guess, and Alex had to administer a mild sedative so that she would sleep through the night." Jesse paused; he had picked up the pamphlet off Rae's bed and had it in his pocket. He found his fingers playing with the corner of it as he spoke.

"She won't be able to go to the funeral, Steve; she just isn't up to it physically or emotionally. When I went to see her this morning she told me that she had decided not to have the operation yet because of the danger to the baby, and the fact that there could be up to eighteen months post operative pain. She didn't discuss it with me, she just told me."

Jesse waited to see if Steve would offer any advice and was relieved when he did just that. "She's the one to make the final decision, Jess. I don't know if I could stand eighteen months of pain, especially not the type of pain she has been suffering with, I guess I would do anything to get better, but then I don't have her injuries; maybe she doesn't feel that the risk is worth it. There is a risk isn't there?"

"Yeah, this surgery is still relatively new, and figures aren't readily available on its success and failure rates."

"But it isn't gonna change what you have is it? Your marriage is strong, and secure, and if Rae doesn't have the operation, this won't alter that."

"I don't know, she didn't talk it over with me, and I'm a doctor, she just made the decision and that was it, finished with. Yesterday Doctor Tammai told us he thought that there might be a chance her left arm would recover, that if she had a neuropraxia it could recover completely, and with an operation the right arm would improve too. I felt hopeful, and then … and then, this morning she tells me she won't have the operation at least until after the baby is born, and not only that, but she is going to The Willows, she has no idea for how long, but it will be until she is ready to come home." Jesse waited. He knew now that he would let Rae go, although he had a feeling that Alex wouldn't release her as soon as she hoped.

"Jesse, that is just wonderful about her arms." Steve stopped talking for a moment, maybe he would get his partner back after all. "But what is The Willows?" Steve looked puzzled, and so Jesse pulled the now rather tattered pamphlet out of his pocket and handed it over. For a few minutes Steve read through their official blurb and then he looked up and smiled. "What a fantastic place! This is just what Rae needs. She should really learn how to regain control of her life while she is there. About a month, that's what it says in here isn't it? It'll seem funny without her around."

"And you think that's ok? That she can just leave, go to San Francisco and leave Eliana and me here, no contact except by e-mail. I can't do that, Steve; anything could happen to her up there." Jesse's mind was still full of doubts, even though he knew he wouldn't change his mind about her going.

"Only in your imagination. She will be perfectly safe, it's like your gated community, but it's all in one building. There's occupational and physical therapy, advice on how to improve your home life, even your sex life! And more importantly maybe than that, she will get to be with other people who are suffering just as she is. Jesse, she needs this, it could turn her life around." For the first time since the two friends had begun talking Steve became animated. He knew that Rae would thrive in the type of atmosphere described in the pamphlet.

"I know, but listen to me, Steve, she didn't talk it over with me, she just made the decisions, and I want her to have the operation, but I don't want her to go to The Willows. But she will still do as she pleases, and ultimately, if I want to keep her then I have to let her do these things. She'll know I am hurt and disappointed, because I'll tell her, but I will stand by her, and that is what Jo needs right now. She won't expect you to just accept everything she said without comment, but she will need you to be able to live with what has happened to her." Jesse paused. He wasn't sure if his words were getting through, and he desperately wanted to help his friend.

"I guess it's Jo's life, but the hurt that comes from not being trusted goes deep, and I don't know that I can look Jo in the eye and tell her that I want to marry her." Steve's voice was low, and Jesse strained to hear him, partly because Steve was looking down at the sand, his fingers were interlaced and he was constantly moving them. 

"Steve! No, you can't mean that, you have to go back and sort this out. You have waited your whole life for this woman, you love her and she loves you, and you are gonna walk away from that?" Jesse was horrified, he knew that Steve was upset, but not marry her, he couldn't believe that he would take it that far.

"I don't know, right now I am just so hurt and angry that she chose to shut me out, that she couldn't tell me what had happened, that I know I can't marry her, at least not for a while." Steve's voice wobbled with the emotion of what he had just realised, that although he loved Jo, the pain of what had happened was stronger than that love and while that was the case, he knew that he had made the right decision.

"I think you are wrong, Steve, and if you want her to be able to marry you, then you have to go and talk to her, she didn't shut you out, she just couldn't talk about it." Jesse had a feeling that his words were almost empty now, but knew he had to get through to him. "Steve, I didn't plan to have a child before we were married, and I know you and Jo don't want it either, she has told you before your wedding, before there is no turning back, you need to go and show her that however hurt you are you still love and need her… You do don't you?"

There was no reply and for a few minutes Jesse sat there feeling his heart getting heavier and heavier as Steve just sat, staring out to sea.

The waves crashed onto the shore, and Steve could see Jo in his mind, the tears running down her face as she told him her terrible secret. His initial reaction had been to protect her, and kick the butt of that creep cop all the way across the border, slowly he smiled. "Yes, Jess, I still love her, and I can't imagine my life without her, I guess I just needed someone to straighten things out for me, thank you."

Steve stood up, and Jesse did the same, for a moment they looked at each other and then Steve took his friend into a hug, and in that moment their friendship was as good and strong as ever, or maybe even stronger, because it had been tested, and it had survived.


	11. Dying Men Speak True

**Dying Men Speak True**

As Steve had imagined, the funeral was a very tense and traumatic affair. Jesse had given him a cheque to donate to whichever charity Bob's widow decided upon, from both himself and, more importantly, Rae, and Steve had promised to give her apologies. By the time the actual service was over, and they had gathered at a local hotel for the wake, all Steve wanted to do was get home to Jo and sort things out, but he knew that he would be expected to stay until the end, especially as Mrs. Mills had asked him to help organise the whole event.

Cheryl had sat as close to where Steve stood in the church as she could, and once the pallbearers had finished their duties he had taken the seat next to her. He had held her hand in his for the entire service, and he could feel her shaking as the priest gave his sermon.

As Steve stood, a plate of unwanted food in his hand, he watched Cheryl talking with Sam Yip. She had only transferred to the detective division three weeks before, and was still finding her feet. Steve smiled for a moment as he remembered Martin's delight at no longer being the rooky in the squad. Seeing both women had tears in their eyes Steve decided to leave the two of them together, they would understand each other's emotions, and be able to draw strength from that. 

As he looked around Steve felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Jan Burlington. "Hey, Jan, how are you?"

"You know, I have no idea. Somehow this is worse than any other death in the line of duty. I know all of them are terrible, but someone is killed in vice, or homicide, and the cops there feel it, but it leaves the station still able to function, but this, this is different. Bob's influence was felt from the Chief's office down, and everybody is shocked, not only by what happened to the station, but by Bob's death. Every department considered him one of their own."

Steve had been listening intently to what Jan was saying, and neither of them realised that Bob's widow, Joan, had also heard. She put a hand on Jan's shoulder and smiled a small watery smile.

"Thank you so much for saying that, he would have been so touched to know you felt that way. Bob loved his job, the contact he had with the public, and the friendships he made at the station… You know I always felt a little guilty knowing that he was safe there, not out on the streets, facing danger at every turn like the rest of his colleagues. I guess I was wrong, wasn't I?"

Steve didn't know what to say, he remembered how much more relaxed his dad had been when the Captain had allowed him to do desk duty while Jo recovered from her car accident. But he guessed nowhere was safe, you just had to watch your back, and the backs of those you cared about.

Steve put his fingers inside his collar and loosened his tie a little. "Oh, Lieutenant, please undo your collar and relax, I will be eternally grateful for your assistance today, but you don't need to continue to suffer." The grieving woman once again forced a small smile, and Steve, with a quick touch to her hand, smiled at her.

"Thank you, Mrs. Mills; I was honoured to be able to help. Your husband will be sadly missed."

"It's Joan, and thank you." Joan turned then as she heard a throat clear behind her, and she made the usual pleasantries as a couple of mourners came to make their farewells. Jan and Steve took advantage of this, and moved over towards Cheryl and Sam.

The two women were no longer talking, but the silence was not an uncomfortable one, and Steve and Jan were able to easily join them. They sat, the four colleagues, watching as people gradually said their goodbyes and left, until there was only about a half dozen guests remaining. Steve stood up and went over to check that Joan didn't need him any more, and then he came back to get Cheryl so that he could take her home. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

An hour later the two friends sat in Steve's car outside Cheryl's house, and for a while they were both lost in thought, then with a sigh Cheryl turned. "If I go and get out of these black clothes would you run me to Community General? I need to go sit with Martin. Doctor Collins called me just before you picked me up to say that he was completely awake now, and I don't want him to be alone."

Steve smiled, that was a piece of good news he hadn't known about. "Ok, but don't stay too long, you need to rest yourself, you know that."

"I know. Steve, I have an appointment with one of the department councillors tomorrow, what do I tell him?"

"Whatever you feel like telling him. There are no rules to this, he may ask you a few questions to start you off, but ultimately you will determine where the conversation takes you." Steve smiled. He hadn't had to see a councillor himself, but he remembered Rae's visit with Brian after she had been injured by one of the animal rights activists, and he had been pleasantly surprised at how it had gone.

By the time Steve had dropped Cheryl off to see Martin he was wishing he had eaten some of the food at the funeral. So he parked his car, and having put a phone call through to Michael to let his dad and Jo know where he was, he headed towards the cafeteria for something to eat. 

As Steve moved through with his tray he saw Alex sitting alone eating his meal, and so went over and sat with him.

"Hey, Steve, how are you?"

"Hungry, but I'll be better once I have this inside me." Steve smiled as he looked at his plate with a large portion of meatloaf, potatoes and green beans.

"Yeah, well, I guess you're in the right place, should you need a doctor." Alex looked down at his own plate. He had half the amount that his friend had, and he was finding that a struggle.

"Are you here to see Rae?"

"I wasn't, but I guess I could go visit with her couldn't I? I, uh, I spoke with Jesse this morning, and I know she's planning a few things out right now." Steve wasn't sure if Rae had talked things over with her doctor yet or not.

"I know, I tried to talk her into the surgery, but she's just adamant, that nothing will jeopardise this pregnancy. I don't think any of us realised how much she suffered when Eliana was so early, she's really scared that it'll happen again."

Steve, his mind already full of babies, problems with babies, or no babies at all, just nodded. When he thought of his goddaughter, now a small but smiley, happy, chubby child, she was nothing like his memory of the tiny scrap of humanity that had clung on to life in her incubator, when she was born eight weeks too soon and he realised that however he felt about Jo, and her fear about having another child it would be as nothing compared to her own feelings. "I guess it's almost impossible for us to understand what the mother goes through, huh?"

"Yeah, I think that's right. Sometimes that bond isn't there, the baby is just that, a baby, but in Rae's case Eliana was just so wanted, and she and Jesse were terrified of what might happen, but Rae's feelings were far more complex than Jesse's. Does that make sense?" Alex seemed to suddenly run out of steam, and Steve remembered that he himself was still recovering from serious injury.

"What about you, Alex? How are you doing?"

"Not so bad. Shannon is keeping an eye on me, and making sure I have my breaks when they're due, and take the correct amount of time." Alex smiled, and Steve could tell that he was delighted that she was taking care of him. "I'm still going home and sleeping for about twelve to fourteen hours at a time, but I'm on light duties only, for the next month, so that isn't a problem. Wil is going to assess me then, and decide whether I can go back to my regular shifts. I'm only really treating Rae, and covering paperwork and a few patients on rounds. But I know that at the moment that is more than enough for me." As he finished speaking Alex's face broke into a huge grin, and Steve looked around to see Shannon coming across the room. He stood up and waited for her to reach the table.

Shannon could see the two men talking together, and if she hadn't been so concerned about her boyfriend, would probably have left them alone, but she needed to make sure he ate all his meal, and didn't overdo it. She saw Alex smile at her and his companion rise as she neared the table, and then she moved round and kissed Alex gently on the cheek. "I hope you are gonna finish all that, doctor!" Shannon let her hand rest on his shoulder. "Did you stop working when you were supposed to?"

"I did. I daren't not." Alex turned and kissed her tenderly in return, "and if I don't eat it all, I know a man who will!"

Steve smiled the smile of a man slightly fed up with jokes about his eating habits, and then took the last mouthful of his own meal. He looked at his watch and stood up. "Well, I will leave you to your food. Alex, you look after yourself, and do as this young lady says! Is there a time limit on how long I stay with Rae?"

"No, but if she looks tired you know to go."

"Yeah, ok. Bye, Shannon." Steve picked up his tray and turned to leave.

"Bye, Steve." Shannon looked back towards Alex. "Are you all right, Babe? You look a little tired."

"Yeah, I am a bit. But that is probably because I spent most of my shift going through the files on trauma surgery for the elderly that Doctor Collins gave me. Ever since people found out I am on paperwork only they have been passing all their stuff on to me. It was like sitting in a room full of grandmas' telling you about their operations. I am onto urinary tract infections next. I can hardly wait."

Shannon smiled lovingly at him. "I am only on a five minute break so I had better head back. Don't forget to eat your jello! Oh, and when it gets to seven o'clock you go home, ok?" 

Alex looked at the vivid green desert in its little plastic pot and grimaced, but he obediently picked up his spoon and began to eat it. "Maybe I'll see you in the ER later then." Shannon gave a little nod and a wave, and then turned and headed back towards the exit, Alex looked at the green wobbly mass on his spoon, shuddered and put it on the tray, he loved her, but there were limits.

Rae had been reading an article about the changes in the English education system, and wondering how Mara was getting on in school when she heard a light knock on her door, and slowly raised her head to see Steve standing there sliding his phone back into his pocket.

"Hey, partner, how are you?"

Rae's face broke into a huge grin. "Better, now you're here." Very carefully Rae moved her arm and put the magazine down on the bed, then she moved it again so that it was resting on her lap alongside her left arm which was in Alex's brace.

"Rae, Jesse came to see me."

Steve hadn't thought it possible for Rae's grin to increase but it did. "Oh, Steve, thank goodness for that … he did apologise, right?"

"Yeah, he apologised, but, Rae, he thinks that it's his fault that Eliana was taken, you might want to speak with him about it before you go away."

At Steve's words Rae seemed to shrink back into the pillow.

"Rae?"

"Alex says I have to wait, I can't go to The Willows until next month at the earliest. He says I'm not emotionally strong enough to deal with it yet."

"Do you think you are?"

Rae thought for a moment, "No, no, he's right, but I just want to get my life back, Steve, and going there will be the start of that, I know it will."

"Honey, I have to say, you look really tired to me, and I don't know, almost deflated, if that makes sense. You were so up, when you got out of the hospital before Christmas, but that seems to have left you."

"I was, 'up', as you call it. I was just so delighted to be home, with Jesse and Eliana, that even the pain became secondary. Steve, I didn't think I would ever see my home again, and then suddenly there I was, sitting in my living room, a beautiful Christmas tree glistening and sparkling, my daughter playing in front of me, nothing could top that, and for a while that was all that mattered. But gradually I realised that everything around me would change, and I would stay the same. Eliana would crawl, walk, fall, and I could do nothing to help her. Jesse would continue to run my life for me, because I couldn't manage without him. The only time I was my own boss was when I was in the bath, and only then because Jesse had helped me in, and would help me out." Rae stopped. Sharing her feelings seemed to exhaust her almost as quickly as any physical activity right now. She felt Steve's hand over hers and smiled at him.

"Are you ok?"

"Mmm, just a little tired. But you need to tell me what's wrong with you."

Steve shook his head. "And how do you know there is something wrong with me?"

"By your eyes. I can always tell, so give it up, Sloan, maybe I can help."

"No, not yet, but I will, once I know it's alright to share, I will come talk to you." Steve knew that Rae would be able to help him, but he needed to speak with Jo first.

"Promise?"

"Yes, Ma'am, I promise… What, why does that make you smile."

"Do you remember Mrs Barraclough?"

Steve thought for a moment, the name rang a bell with him. Suddenly he remembered why. "Yeah, she was Worthington's housekeeper, why would she make you smile?"

"She doesn't, but she was reading a book called I Promise, you know it was on the best seller list for almost a year, maybe I should read it."

"Maybe, what else are you reading?"

Rae moved her hand and picked up the magazine once again. "I was just updating myself on changes in the school system in England."

"If that was all I had to read, I would be heading for the book store too!" Steve smiled and sat next to Rae's bed. "Is it me, or can you move that arm a little easier?"

"I wondered if you would notice. It still hurts, but it must be a little less, because I am trying to use it more, if you see what I mean."

Steve nodded, and took her hand in his. "And the left one?" He was surprised at the amount of hope that was contained in that question.

"No, just the hand, nothing has changed there but Doctor Tammai said he thought he felt some sort of reaction when he did his sensory test on me."

Steve felt a little deflated. Jesse had seemed so hopeful, but as a leftie himself he knew that without complete recovery to that hand and arm Rae would never return to duty, and even though she seemed to be getting use to that idea, he really wasn't ready to accept it himself yet.

It was another hour before Steve could see that the conversation was beginning to take its toll on Rae.  

"I'm gonna go, you get some sleep, and, Rae, I know you have to listen to yourself, and do what makes you happy, but Jesse loves you, and in the end that is all he wants for you too."

"I know, Steve, but I just feel that it is time I took a hold of my own destiny again. It has been in so many other peoples' hands that I want control of it myself for a while."

Steve smiled at her, and leant over to give her a kiss and a hug. He felt, for the first time in a long while, her arm go round his back, and he stayed there a little longer than normal. He had missed her physical presence in his life, and right now a hug from a friend was just what he needed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had been glad when she had got the message from Michael that Steve was at the hospital and would be visiting with Rae for a while before heading home. She wanted to speak with him, badly, but she also knew that he needed some time away from what had happened the night before.

The day had passed slowly in the Walters house. Mark had been pottering around the garden, and she had heard him on the phone making plans to return to the beach house at the end of the week. Mark had suddenly had the idea that they could all go to the beach for two days. Steve wasn't working, and maybe everybody could meet up there sometime over the weekend and it would be almost like old times. Jo had been delighted to agree to his plans, and she had a feeling that Steve would want to do it too. Eliana had been a little fractious for most of the day, and Jo had spent almost the entire time Steve had been out either occupying her or worrying about her. She was fast asleep on the sofa now, her little arms flung up above her head, and her feet wide apart as well. She was quiet, and Jo sat in the chair across the room and closed her own eyes. She opened them again; every time she relaxed she could see the hurt on Steve's face as she had told him what happened in Waco. She hadn't told him that once the rest of her squad knew that Wayne had won his bet, nobody had asked her out, or ever again suggested that she join them for a drink. The room at the hotel had become a sanctuary, not only of her own making but through necessity as well. 

Steve had been the first man she had gone out with after Wayne, and she knew that she couldn't have found a kinder more gentle man on the face of the earth, and that she had hurt him deeply. It hadn't been her intention to do so, but she hadn't been able to keep her secret any longer. Slowly her body began to relax and she finally closed her eyes again and drifted off into a light but rejuvenating sleep.

That was where Jesse found the two of them, both still asleep when he arrived back to get his daughter after speaking with Steve.  For a minute he stood in the doorway to the living room and watched his little girl. She was more than he had ever dreamt of having in his life, and sometimes the amount he loved her almost overwhelmed him. As he moved closer to her, her face clouded and she began to cough, as she did so Jo stirred in her chair and woke up.

"Jesse, I'm sorry, I didn't know you were here."

"That's ok. I haven't been here very long." Jesse had moved over and picked his daughter up, she hadn't minded at all, but the coughing continued. "Jo, my bag is in the hallway, could you go get it for me?"

By the time Jo returned from her errand Jesse had put Eliana back on the sofa and undone the little lilac coloured dress she had on. The fasteners were at the front so that Rae could dress her daughter easily herself, and it had become one of Rae's favourite outfits to put their little girl in. Gently Jesse warmed the stethoscope before placing on her chest, and he listened attentively. Slowly a frown appeared on his face and then he sat her up, and listened to her back. "Do you have her preventative?"

"Yeah, it's in the nursery, I'll go get it."

The little girl began to cough again, but this time both Jesse and Jo could hear the wheezing that accompanied it. Jesse re-fastened the dress. "I think I'll take her to Community General to get her checked over."

Jo nodded and left the room at a run. She took the stairs two at a time, not wanting to take any more time than necessary. By the time she was back down again Jesse had Eliana in her car seat and was waiting for her in the hallway. Mark had come out of the drawing room and was talking quietly with his colleague.

Jesse gave the medication to his daughter and listened carefully to her again. Then with a shake of the head picked up the car seat. "I didn't think the medicine would work, Jo, can you come with me? Mark could you call ahead and see if Alex is there?"

"Of course, you just go, I can do that." Mark watched the two young people leave, and heard Eliana begin to cry as the doors closed on them. He moved over to the phone and dialled the familiar number.

Alex was waiting in the ER when Jesse came in, and to his delight so was Rae. Alex had gone and told her what Mark had said on the phone, and she had insisted on returning to the ER with him.

She smiled at Jo and kissed Jesse quickly on the lips as he leant over her. Eliana was still crying, and Rae could hear the wheeziness that Alex had told her about. She looked up at her friend. "Texas could you push me into the examination room?"

"Of course, I am real pleased to see you." As Jo started to speak Eliana began to suddenly gasp and Alex took her from Jesse's arms and rushed her into the trauma suite. By the time Rae had been pushed in her daughter had a small mask over her face, and wasn't struggling as much as she had feared. 

The examination was a relatively quick affair, Alex knew what he was looking for, and soon he had given her a first dose of antibiotic and some Tylenol to reduce the fever he could feel coming on. "Rae, Jesse, I want to admit her, just overnight so that we can monitor her. You know what happened the last time she got this type of infection…" Alex stopped talking. Events had overtaken them the last time Eliana had gotten sick, but this time they knew that wouldn't happen. He was concerned as to how Rae would take the fact that her daughter was ill, but as he turned to look at her, Alex could see that although she was concerned, she was in total control of her feelings.

"Yeah, I thought you would, Alex, but just tonight, right?" Jesse's voice wasn't that of a doctor, but a worried dad.

The young doctor smiled. "Yes, Jesse, just tonight." Alex wrapped Eliana up in a soft blanket that Jo handed him, which she had grabbed off the crib when she picked up the medicine, and then he put a call through to make sure that there was a crib available.

Ten minutes later the newest admission to the brightly coloured, and friendly environment of the children's ward was looking up at a mobile of cows and horses which was slowly turning above her. Rae sat, as close to the crib as she could, watching her baby's chest rise and fall. She seemed much calmer than she had when Jesse had brought her in, and when she felt her husband's hand on her shoulder she was able to lean against him and feel reassured by his presence.

"Rae, are you all right?" Jesse wasn't sure, but there seemed something slightly different about his wife right now. He had expected her to be really worried about Eliana, maybe even hysterically so, but she was sitting, the love shining in her eyes, watching her daughter, and she was calm and at peace.

"Mmm? What?"

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm concerned about Ana, but I'm fine. Jess, she will be ok won't she? One night will be enough for her to stay?"

"If it isn't Alex won't release her, you know that." Jesse heard her chuckle. 

"I do, which is why I'm still here, and not in San Francisco."

Jesse pulled a chair over and sat down next to his wife. He took hold of her hand and together they watched the little girl in front of them, and were relieved that this time they were able to help her recover together.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

As Steve had left Rae's room he'd realised that he hadn't been to see any of the officers still in the hospital from the shooting, and so he walked down to where Martin was staying. Cheryl turned and smiled as she heard him behind her.

"Steve, I thought you went back to work."

He shook his head, "No, I went and got some food, and then I sat with Rae for a while. How's he doing?"

"He's doing a little better." It was Martin who spoke, opening his eyes as he did so. "I keep my eyes shut until I know I want to speak to my visitor. My dad came this morning, I can do without any more of those types of visit."

Steve looked over at Cheryl and she shook her head. "So, Martin, how are you feeling?"

"I guess I'm still in shock, I can't believe it, Steve. I know some people hate cops, but to spray the building with bullets. Do you have any idea who is responsible?"

Cheryl nodded this time, and so Steve began to speak. "Yeah, but she has gone underground. I am checking gun clubs, banks, airlines, I'm not getting anywhere, but I'm checking."

"I guess you miss Rae, huh? She was good at that sort of thing."

Steve smiled, he missed her for a lot of things, but bouncing ideas off, working through reams of paperwork somehow it had never seemed so tedious when they were working together.  He knew that she had found the interview with George difficult, but there was no reason why he couldn't discuss his cases with her, just as he did his dad, Jesse and Amanda. 

"Steve?" Cheryl placed her hand on his arm.

"Sorry, I was miles away." Steve smiled. "I was thinking, just because Rae isn't at work, doesn't mean I can't talk to her about things, maybe she will have some more ideas. She has all the files on the drive bys, and she was with me when I talked to George, thanks, Martin."

"I have no idea what I just did, but you're welcome." Martin smiled, but it turned into a yawn.

"I think it's time we left, Cheryl, can I drive you home?"

"Thank you that would be great." She turned and kissed Martin gently on the lips. "I'll be in tomorrow afternoon; I have to go see the shrink in the morning."

"Ok, tell him everything, it will help." Martin moved slightly in the bed, and a grimace crossed his features.

"I will, if you promise to keep still." As they began to kiss again, Steve turned and left the room. He didn't want to intrude, and he knew that Cheryl needed the support that Martin could give her, wounded or not, it was clear that she was more relaxed around him.

Steve felt her hand on his arm and she looked up at him. "Take me home, Steve, please.  Martin's not the only one who needs to go to sleep."

Steve put his arm around his old friend, and she leant into him. He'd realised as they walked that he was being a help to her too. Cheryl was grateful for his presence, but when they got to the car she found her legs beginning to weaken, and she staggered a little.

"Cheryl, are you ok?"

"I'm just really really tired, Steve, it's been one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I guess it has, let me help you into the car."

Steve gently lowered her into the passenger seat, strapped her in and then drove her home. He took her in, made her a mug of soup and then made sure she went straight to bed. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had almost been home when his cell phone had begun to ring and he'd had to turn around and return to Community General. Because of his visit with Martin he'd stayed longer than he had meant and decided not to return to the station until the morning. As he parked he saw Jo's car four spaces down from his own, and rushed into the ER. Steve didn't recognise the nurse on duty, but she seemed to know who he was.

"Yes, Lieutenant?"

Steve realised that he wasn't actually sure what to ask, and was just pondering how to begin when he heard his name.

"Steve!"

He turned and saw Jo coming towards him. "I thought I recognised that back, Honey, what are you doin' here?" She came closer and took his hand in her own.

"I was about to ask first. I thought something had happened to Dad."

"I would have called you if that was the case you know that. It's Eliana … Steve," Jo could see the horror that her words caused, "she's ok now, Alex had her admitted, just overnight."

"Asthma?"

"Yeah, well the infant equivalent of, Rae an' Jesse are with her, so I figured I would go home, I was gonna call you if you weren't there already."

"I would have been home, but Amanda called me back. I guess I better go see her, do you want to wait? I will be done for the day then."

"Ok, can I come down with you?" Seeing him nod she let go of his hand and they moved across to the elevator.

Amanda was sitting, two files on the desk in front of her, drinking from an almost cold cup of coffee. She looked up as she heard a tap on the glass door and smiled at her two friends standing there. "Hey, Steve, Jo, how are you?"

"I'm fine, what do you have for me?"

"The arm of the man…"

"Yeah, six foot, 170ish pounds, muscular …"

"And still alive when the limb was removed."


	12. Missed The Target

I hope that you will forgive the delay in posting this chapter, but my annual holiday took place last week, and I didn't have the chance to post. I plan to put a chapter up each day now, and hope you will enjoy it.

Thank you for the reviews so far, they mean a great deal to me.

Tracy

**Missed the Target**

Steve shot up in bed, a cry of 'No' escaping his lips as he did so. Suddenly realising where he was he turned to see if he had disturbed Jo, but the bed was empty. He got shakily to his feet and went into the hallway, just in time to see his dad open the door to his room, and Jo come rushing out of the nursery.

"Honey, are you all right, I heard you cry out?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry; I woke up with a start… What are you doing in an empty nursery?"

"Nothin'. Mark, I'm sorry we woke you."

Steve turned to his dad and looked astutely at him. "We didn't wake you, did we?"

"No, Son, I have been awake for a while, I guess it's not a night for pleasant dreams."

"Maybe I could provide everyone with a hot beverage before you all re-retire, Madam?" Michael appeared at the shoulder of his employer.

"What time is it?" Steve looked at his watch, "Oh, great, two thirty, no thanks, Michael, I'm going to take my luck with the unpleasant dreams, but don't let me stop anyone else." Steve quickly kissed Jo on the lips, and then went back into his room.

"You won't, Michael, thank you, I'll come with you, Mark, do you want anythin'?"

"No, thanks, Sweetie, I'm fine." Mark watched as Jo followed Michael down the stairs, and then he moved over and tapped lightly on Steve's door.

"Yeah, Dad, come in."

"And how did you know it was me?"

Steve smiled, "Because you knocked. Michael clears his throat and knocks, but you just knock."

"You'll miss me when I'm gone." Mark smiled as he watched his son head towards the bathroom and return with a glass of water. "What's up, Steve? I haven't heard you call out in your sleep for a long time, not since …"

"Not since Ellen left?" Steve sighed, he hadn't thought of her in a long while.  "No, I know, but today was a rough day, and I have a lot on my mind, I guess I'm over tired … or something."

Mark smiled at his son. Steve seldom if ever mentioned the woman he had almost married. Ellen had left Los Angeles about six months before Rae arrived, and then Jo had come into his life. Mark wasn't sure when he had last thought about the female journalist who had turned Steve inside out for a while. At the time he hadn't known how Steve would deal with life on his own once again, but now with Jo by his side he knew that everything had been for a reason, the right reason.

"Dad?" Steve placed a hand gently on his father's arm and smiled at him."

"Sorry, Son, so, what made you cry out?"

"It was just a combination of a case I'm working, shared with the funeral today and Eliana being sick…" Steve paused for a moment, and then with a deep breath asked a question that he had meant to ask Amanda earlier in the day. "Dad, how can you tell if a limb is severed when the victim is alive?"

"Alive, you mean like an accident at work, that kind of thing?"

"No, I mean like I'm gonna cut your arm off and put it in the trunk of a car, but I'm not gonna kill you first, kind of thing."

"Oh." Mark paused for a moment, not quite knowing what to say to his son's statement. Then he decided to go with the original question. "Well, for a start it would bleed, a lot, and it would also bruise the skin. Until the victim was dead all the normal preservation reflexes would also cut in…. "

"Dad!" Steve pulled a face, and Mark realised belatedly what he had said.

"Sorry. Steve, put it away for now, you can't think things like this over in the middle of the night, and normally you don't."

"Yeah, I know. But the guy sent me a note, after the second limb turned up, and I just know I recognise the name from somewhere, but it won't come to me, and I hate it when that happens." Steve stood up and began to walk around the room, for a minute Mark sat on the end of the bed and watched him, then with a smile he put his hand out and stopped his son as he walked close by.

"So, what's his name?"

"What?" Steve had moved on to other things in his mind, and had no idea what his dad was talking about.

"His name, what's his name? Maybe if you recognise it, I will too. We do have a history, you and I."

Steve laughed, it was short and hard, but the smile that accompanied it reached all the way to his eyes. "Todd, S. Todd, nothing else, no address, nothing, just S. Todd… Oh no, don't do this to me! You know, don't you? Straight off, bingo, and you know."

"Attend the tale …" Mark stopped for a moment and looked at his son, but Steve just stared back at him. "'His skin was pale and his eye was odd. He shaved the faces of gentlemen, who never thereafter were heard of again. He trod a path that few have trod, Did Sweeney Todd, the Demon Barber of Fleet Street.'"

"Arghhh, of course!" Steve shook his head; he had heard his dad sing that song many many times. It was a strange song to sing over and over, but there was something about the grisly lyrics and it had the type of tune that stayed in your head, and when his dad had a song in his mind you usually did too, because he would sing it incessantly. "But why sign himself S. Todd, he slit their throats and his lady love turned them into pies. I don't see the connection … at least I hope I don't. Maybe I'll stop eating in the hospital cafeteria for a while!" Steve slumped down on the bed, suddenly exhausted. "Dad, I'm sorry, but I'm beat, and I have to be at work in …" Steve checked his watch, "three hours!"

"Six start, huh? I know you just love them! Good night, Son, pleasant dreams." Mark stood up, and Steve could see that the pain he had been experiencing since his operation was much less now. 

"I'm glad you're feeling better." Steve smiled and stood as well. He placed a hand on his father's shoulder, and was pleased when Mark's own hand came up and covered it. 

"I'm gonna head back to the beach house at the end of next week, Steve, and I thought I would open up the house this weekend, so everybody could get together.

"I think that's a wonderful idea, as for going home, Dad, I'm too tired to argue right now, but trust me, tomorrow night, I will do just that." 

"I guess I'll re-retire then!" With a chuckle Mark headed to the door, the middle of the night was definitely the best time to tell his son things he knew he wouldn't like very much.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The morning had come slowly to Rae and Jesse too. They had sat together in the children's ward watching their daughter sleep, dream, occasionally cough and toss and turn, for most of the night. At about one Eliana had woken properly and begun to cry, Jesse had picked her up, and a nurse had brought a bottle of formula for her. After that she had slept right through until after eight, but although worried her mom and dad had spent most of that time enjoying each other's company and feeling guilty about it. The sun coming up and in through the windows had been soporific for both of them, and when Alex arrived to check on his patient just after nine he found Rae and Jesse fast asleep and Eliana wide awake and happily gazing around at all the quiet activity.

Leaning over into the crib Alex picked up his goddaughter, and smiled at her. "Hey, beautiful, you don't feel so hot this morning, did you sleep well? I guess Mommy and Daddy watched you all night, huh?" Knowing that if either of them stirred and found their daughter gone they would panic Alex gently placed a hand on Jesse's shoulder and woke him.

"Mmm, Rae? Alex, sorry, hey, Sweetie!" Jesse's face broke into a grin as he saw his daughter studying him intently. "You look better."

"She does, doesn't she? I need to check her over, Jesse, and I was gonna change her diaper for you, but I didn't want to move away with her without you knowing."

Jesse smiled at the thoughtfulness of the young man and nodded his permission. As Alex walked to a changing table situated over to the side of the room Jesse ran a finger down the cheek of his wife, hoping it would be enough to wake her. 

Rae felt the sensation of skin against her face, and a smile broke through her dreams. There was only one person who did that to her, she opened her eyes, as she felt the soft touch finish its journey.

"Hey, beautiful, how are you?" Jesse smiled at his wife, neither of them knowing that he had addressed her in exactly the same way as Alex had Eliana.

Rae considered the question. She tried to move and pain shot through her. "Oh, God, Jesse," Rae gasped for air for a moment. "Don't ever let me sleep in this chair again." 

Jesse's face was instantly full of concern. "What can I do? Do you want to stand up, or I can take you back to your room? Alex is over there with Eliana, I'll get him…"

"Jesse, shhh, it's ok. Just give me a minute and then maybe you could help me to my feet." Rae carefully shifted her body in the chair again, but it seemed to Jesse that it was a less painful manoeuvre the second time around. She was still in a cream coloured nightie, the one Texas had lent her, but in the children's ward she was a little too hot in it. As Rae moved she became aware of the pains in her back and shoulders, but she was delighted to realise that they weren't any worse than they had been the day before. She guessed that the neck support which she had been leaning into all night had helped.  Slowly Rae straightened her legs out, so that they were in a horizontal line with the level of the seat, she held them there for a few seconds, and then lowered them back down, her knee definitely felt a little stronger. "Now, you can help me to stand up."

Jesse moved round so that he could take Rae by the right hand and arm and then he carefully and extremely tenderly helped her to her feet. "Ok, are you ok?"

"Yes, Jesse, I'm ok. My knee is getting better all the time, I guess it was just bruised after all, and, I'm almost frightened to say it, but so, I think, is my right arm." Rae smiled then, and she could see her husband beaming back at her. As they began to slowly move together over to where Alex had their daughter he turned and walked back over to where they were.

"Rae, Jesse, I think that she should stay here until after lunch, just to be on the safe side. She sounds fine to me, a little congested, but nothing like as bad as her notes indicate she was before. But it was a serious attack last time, and I don't want to send her home too early and have to re-admit her later today. Now, there is a mom's club on this morning, maybe you could take her to that, Rae."

Rae smiled. "Oh, lovely, yes please. She needs to go and see other children. What time is it, Alex?"

"What now? Half past nine."

"No…" Rae had just looked at her doctor, and blushing suddenly he had realised what she meant.

"Oh, sorry, ten thirty to twelve, then it's lunch time, I'll come back after that and check her over again. And I think her mom needs to be looked at too. If you leave Eliana here to have some lunch and return to your room, maybe you can both go home together." Alex smiled at Rae and was gratified to see her smiling back.

"Really? Oh, Alex, thank you…" Rae leant closer to him and kissed him quickly on the cheek. 

Alex blushed again, but looked anything but embarrassed.  "I heard you say that you were never to be allowed to sleep in that chair again, I'm guessing you feel a little sore?"

"Yeah, but I'll get over it. I was able to be here for my daughter, and that is definitely worth a night of discomfort." The smile on Rae's face convinced both her husband and her doctor that she was speaking the truth.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had worked steadily for three hours before the squad room seemed to begin livening up. Almost as if the world realised that at nine o'clock mayhem was allowed to commence, all the phones began to ring, faxes started to arrive, and Alison came up the stairs with a wad of messages and post in her arms.

"Hey, Steve, mail." There were three letters actually addressed to him, plus a package. 

"Are you sure this is for me?" Steve looked at it. He didn't touch it, but lifted its end with his pen.

"Yep, just in the mail with everything else. It has your name on it, even your rank."

Steve checked the typewritten label on the front of the box. For some reason he knew that there was no danger from the package, but he wasn't expecting it so he also knew he really needed to be careful with it. "I think I'll open my letters first, thanks, Alison."

The new desk sergeant turned and headed on round the room with the mail. Steve smiled to himself. As much as he had liked and enjoyed working with Bob, he knew that the sadly missed man would have stood and watched until he had opened his package, unable to tear himself away until he knew just what was inside it.

The first envelope was to remind him that he would be due to renew his Police Benevolent Association sports club membership by the end of the month. Steve shook his head, he hadn't had the time to even drive past the place in six months, but he would renew anyway, he knew they needed the funds. The next envelope was from a student at one of the local colleges, who asked him to help her on her course by filling in a questionnaire about his job. Steve put it to one side, if he could assist her he would, but first of all he needed to call and make sure that the request and the student were genuine. The last envelope was hand written, and Steve recognised the writing straight away. Pulling on a pair of gloves from the box on the windowsill behind him, Steve picked up his letter opener and began to carefully peel back the flap. There was a stamp and a postmark on the front of the envelope, which meant that it had arrived in the mail, and not by hand, the postmark was smudged, but that didn't surprise Steve, he looked at the other two envelopes he had received, and saw that they were smudged too.

Alison moved back into his eye line, and seeing that he had gloved hands came over to his desk again. "Steve, do you have a problem with your mail?"

"No, I'm just a little wary about this one, I think it relates to a case I'm working."

"The shootings?"

Steve shook his head, "Nope, body parts in cars."

"Eww, I'm so glad I asked. Well, I guess I had better get back to the front desk, I'll see you later."

Steve just nodded, and then carefully finished opening the envelope and slid out the single sheet of paper. Before he read it, he opened an evidence bag and put the letter inside it, then he placed it on his desk, went and got himself a cup of hot coffee and picked it back up again.

_Well, well,_

_Did you like your gift? Have you opened it yet? Anticipation is a wonderful thing, unfortunately for one of my victims he knows exactly what is coming, and he isn't enjoying it at all. Have you worked out my next move yet? Have I? This is so much fun I plan to make it last as long as possible. So many body parts, so many cars, or maybe I won't use cars, there are plenty of other places I can find for a foot, or a leg, or even … a head._

_Enjoy your day._

_S. Todd._

Steve looked at the package that was still on his desk. He didn't know whether to just open it, or call the bomb squad. In the end he picked up his phone and began to dial.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Mark found that he couldn't get the words from the Ballad of Sweeney Todd out of his mind, and he had been singing snippets from it all morning. Just after midday Michael had asked him if he knew where Madam was, and Mark had headed upstairs to try to find her, having an idea where she would be.

Jo was sitting in the nursery, Eliana's soggy giraffe and soft doll in her hands, tears on her cheeks. 

"Jo, Honey, let me help you." Mark came quietly into the room and sat next to his future daughter-in-law. For a moment Jo stiffened, but then her resolve deserted her, and she turned into Mark's body and let the tears flow freely.

For a while Mark let her cry, and hoped that it would do her good, but in the end he felt he had to speak.

"Jo, you aren't going to do yourself any good crying like this, tell me what it is, and like I said, let me help you, please."

Jo, seemed to pull herself together a little, and then she gently placed the two toys back in the crib. "Mark, what if the only child that ever sleeps in this crib isn't mine?"

"Then you will have missed out on some of the most wonderful times that any person can spend. Jo, I know you're scared, but medicine has moved on since you lost your baby, and we will also know that you have a history of pre-eclampsia, you'll be monitored every step of the way."

"Can you promise me that I won't lose my baby?" The pleading in Jo's eyes was almost too much for Mark to bear, but he knew he had to be honest with her.

"No, you know I can't, life isn't like that. But there are far less deaths, infant deaths, for any reason now than there were ten years ago. The choice is yours, Jo, you know that Steve will go along with your decision, he isn't the kind of man to try to make you do something against your will, but he'll expect you to look at the facts, with him, before you do make that decision."

"I'm scared, Mark. When David died, part of me died too, I felt empty, an' a failure, I was gonna be a mom, but I couldn't save my baby, I couldn't carry him to term, an' he died. Women are designed to have babies, an' I failed. I don't think I can handle that again."

"Jo, listen to me, if the worst happened, and you lost another baby…" Mark put his hand over Jo's to stop her from moving away. "If, I said, if, do you think it would be something that you would have to face alone?"

"No, no, I don't, I know that Steve would support me, an' you, Rae, Jesse, everybody, but no one can understand it, Mark, not even someone who has had it happen to them, because everybody feels differently."

"Jo, I'm not trying to diminish what happened to you, but you do have, as you acknowledge, a family who loves and cares for you, who will be there every step of the way, whatever you choose, but you have to be prepared to listen to Steve, and see his side of things. Last time this happened to you, you were on your own. I know you had your grandmamma and your brother, but you didn't have the father of the child, Steve will support you, but you have to tell him more of what happened."

"How do you mean?"

"Michael told me what you planned to say to him, but I know you, better than you think, and I doubt that you have told him how hurt you were, how distraught, how you felt a failure, did you?"

Jo just shook her head and realised that Mark was right, her beloved grandmamma had loved and cared for her, but she had been a little formal, a little 'old south', and David, David was all business, even then, that had come first. This time she would have Steve to love and care for her, Rae to enjoy the pregnancy with; Mark to be her doctor, and Jesse, well, Jesse would just be Jesse. A smile formed on her face, and she turned towards her friend.

"Thank you, Mark, I … I love you very much, I hope you know that."

For a moment he was caught unawares, but then Mark held out his arms, and this time the hug between them was one full of hope for the future, and appreciation of what they had.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The crime scene investigators had checked over Steve's package, and decided that it was safe. Pleased that the decision had been made for him, Steve had finally opened the package to find a lock of blonde hair, and a clump of brown. The blonde tresses were long and had been cut, the brown was short, and had obviously been pulled out by the roots. Steve carefully folded the packaging around the contents, and then picking up the phone once again, requested a lab check on it as soon as possible.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Alex walked into Rae's room, it was just after lunch, and Jesse had called down to him to say that she had returned to her bed, in an upset state after the mom's club. He could see that she had the tray over her legs, was deep in thought and was slowly writing down something on a piece of paper.

"Rae, are you all right, Jesse said you seemed upset."

"No, I just got a reality check is all." Rae looked up at Alex and then slowly handed the piece of paper to her doctor.

Alex looked at what she had written. It was very shaky, but he could see that the pen was held in her left hand. "Rae, you wrote all this with your left hand?"

"Yep, after what Doctor Tammai said yesterday I thought I would give it a go.  I have been doing some thinking, I have let myself drift, be walked all over, do what everybody else wants me to do, and that has to stop. However much mobility I have this is still my life, nobody else's and I have to live it for me and my family…" Rae averted her eyes; she had been talking passionately and was suddenly embarrassed.

The words were similar to what she had written and Alex smiled. "Rae, I have been waiting a long time to hear you say that. Now, how about we do this examination and then you can take yourself and your family home?"

"Ok, only if you come to dinner with Shannon tomorrow night and I cook." Rae smiled at Alex and watched as he nodded his head. 

"You have yourself a deal, now let's see if I can discharge you, otherwise I'll have nothing to eat tomorrow evening."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The letter, envelope and parcel wrappings came back contaminated, but no prints, apart from Alison's, on any of them that were recognisable. The inside of the wrapping was clean, as was the letter; the envelope and the outside of the parcel had what were probably postal worker's prints on them. The new desk sergeant's prints were the top ones on each item, and all the other partial and complete prints were being checked, but Steve wasn't at all hopeful of anything coming from them.

The hair had been sent over to Amanda because she had the limbs, and could try to see if it matched those on the arms. Steve wished that he could stop humming the opening song from Sweeney Todd as he went over the notes of the case so far, it didn't take him long, just about the whole song twice over. In the end he stood up and decided to head back to the hospital and see if Amanda had anything new, as he did so his phone rang and stopping in his tracks he turned and headed back towards his desk. "Sloan here… Yes, Sir, that's right, Sandy Breth … no, Sir, she could be using that name … we aren't completely sure what she looks like these days, but tall and blonde the last positive sighting we have… and you are where…? Ok, yes, I know where that is … so she booked for four this afternoon … thank you, I will send an officer over now, and I will join you myself just after three."

Steve put the phone down with a smile; at last something was going right. He shifted the paperwork on the Todd case to one side of the desk and pulled the tray with the drive by information in it over towards him. The tray was overflowing with files and folders, but the one that Steve wanted had just three or four pieces of paper in it. It was the notes he had taken when he had been with George Bannister and then afterwards. As he read through them he realised that any comments Rae might have had were missing, _because you dropped her, you idiot_. With a heavy sigh Steve stood up again, a trip to Community General was now a necessity. He needed anything that Rae could remember about the woman, George hadn't been very forthcoming, but Rae had always been able to read between the lines, and he was hoping that she would be able to do so again. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Mark had spent most of the afternoon organising the get together at the beach house. He'd called Wil Collins and arranged to go and see him the following day so that Steve would know he had another doctor's permission to go home and relax.  After that Mark logged on and began to order a week's worth of groceries, from Albertson's. It was a shame that many housebound or infirm people were so afraid of the beast known as the Internet, because it could open their lives up for them. As he ticked the box for a sack of potatoes he reflected that there was no way he would consider carrying that home himself, but this way he didn't have to bother anyone else, and everything would be delivered to his door, or if he asked nicely, straight to the kitchen for him. As he carried on ordering the groceries, he chuckled. He needed a week's groceries because Steve and Jesse would be there for one or two days. It would be good for them to be together, they needed some normality back in their lives. 

Jo was also on the internet, she had locked herself away in the bedroom, and making herself comfortable on the bed she sat, crossed-legged, with her laptop on her knees. She typed in 'pre-eclampsia' and waited. After noticing that there were 43,300 hits, on the subject, Jo decided to go for the first two or three sites to start with and then see what information she still needed.

There was no printer upstairs, and so Jo sent all the information to the computer in the study and then she closed the laptop down and leaning back on the pillows she closed her eyes and began to cast her mind back to the day she had got in contact with Wayne to tell him about the baby. A copy of the letter she had sent, along with the reply was in with all the bits and pieces she had kept for her child. At the time she received it, David was still alive, and she had decided to let him see for himself that he wouldn't miss the father he was obviously never going to know.

Wayne had informed her, coldly, that they were both adults and knew what they were getting themselves into, which was a one night stand. He had dismissed the fact that they had been going out regularly before that, and had calmly stated that he was already married with two young children, and would make sure that she made no financial claim on him. Jo remembered laughing hollowly at that. She hadn't wanted his money, but she had a feeling that if he had known just how much of her own she had, he would have been knocking at her door ten minutes before she had sent the letter to him.

She knew that Mark was right, this time she would have a network of friends and family who would help and guide her every step of the way, and the only thing stopping her from putting the past behind her was her own cowardice. Tonight she would talk things through with Steve, and she would ask Mark to stay and listen too, maybe between the two of them they could allay her fears and help her to put the past where it belonged.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Steve had finished talking with Amanda, Rae had been discharged, and, noticing that it was almost three, he said his goodbyes and getting back in his car began to drive out to the gun club that had contacted him that morning.

The officer who had visited the club earlier was Ben Chapman. Steve hadn't seen very much of him over the last year or two, he had suffered a family tragedy about eighteen months earlier, when his younger sister had been killed in a skiing accident, and he and his wife had spent the intervening time helping their brother-in-law look after three young children. Because of his time away from the station he was handed all the easy jobs to start with. He had been partnered with Sam Yip, and as Steve drew into the parking lot of the Big Bore Gun Club he could see their car parked under a beautiful cedar tree.

Walking into the reception Steve could see that it was nowhere near as sophisticated as the previous club he had visited. A young woman of about twenty-five walked over to him, and he was aware of her staring at him. "I guess you're the cop."

"My name is Lieutenant Steve Sloan, LAPD, and you do realise that I don't want my presence here announced." His eyes flashed as he spoke, and he was gratified to see her avert her gaze.

"Yes, Sir."

A dark haired man of about forty came out of an office behind the counter which stretched the entire width of the room. "Good afternoon, Lieutenant, won't you please come through."

Steve walked round the young woman and then, lifting the flap in front of him, followed the man he imagined to be either the owner or manager into a small office. Inside the room Chapman and Yip were sitting waiting for the clock to tick round to four. They both stood as Steve entered the room, and he looked over, hoping to hear what they had already found out. However, that wasn't to happen.

"Lieutenant, my name is Potter, Nicholas Potter, and this is my club. I was the citizen who contacted you this morning, this is the booking sheet that my receptionist filled in from the phone conversation yesterday, and then because the woman didn't have a credit card, and hadn't shot here before she came in first thing this morning to pay for her slot."

Steve hadn't realised that she had been there that morning, but maybe it was a good thing that nothing had happened, that way she would feel a little safer. "Mr. Potter, I would like my officers to be on the desk from now until we apprehend this woman. She is extremely dangerous, and your own clerk may be put at risk." Steve could see that the man wanted to object, but he had no intention of letting him.

"But …. But…" 

"Sir, I am sure that you value the safety of your employees, and this way they will remain safe. I will be in your office, and Sam, keep the counter hatch open."

"Yes, Sir."

"Right, let's get in position."

The three officers spent the next half an hour making stilted conversation, and checking with the receptionist, whose name they discovered was Marta, for a more accurate description of their suspect.

At just before five to four a grey station wagon drew into the parking lot, and Marta, who was looking through the office window nodded. "That's her car."

Steve moved so that he was in between the club employees and the door and then turned slightly so that it looked as if he was working. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Sam and Ben both doing the same.

"Hi, my name is Sandy; I have a reservation for four o'clock. I already paid."

"Did you fill out all the necessary paperwork, Ma'am?" It was Sam who spoke to her.

"Yeah, some here this morning, and over the phone, it wasn't you though, a blonde haired girl."

Sandy looked around a little worriedly and Steve, watching her intently from his vantage point began to feel concerned.

"Is this your first time here, Miss …" Sam looked down; she knew that the woman hadn't used her real name, "Bannister." 

"Yes, that was why I had to come and pay in advance." That was a slip, and Steve and Sam knew it.

"Oh, right, sorry. If you would like to take a seat for a moment, I'll get someone to come and show you round."

"Ok." Sandra sat in the chair nearest to the entrance, and as she did so Steve came out from the manager's office. He moved through into the main reception area, but the woman turned and spotted him.

Sandra Breth knew instantly that the man coming towards her was a cop; he had it written all over him. Realising that she was either cornered or free, depending on how quickly she moved, she stood and made a bolt for the door. 

"Stop, police." Steve called as he followed her, but the door was slammed shut, and he lost precious seconds crossing the floor and opening it, and in that time she was able to get to her car and scramble in. Steve stood in front of the vehicle as it came towards him, it wasn't moving very fast, as it had been parked close to the doorway, but it was obvious that she had no intention of stopping and, as he went to leap out of the way, he felt the wing mirror clip him and send him sprawling.

"Damn it!"  Steve heard Ben Chapman shout out the oath as he came up to his boss. "Sir, are you all right?" Steve just nodded, not having any air in him to reply. Slowly he climbed to all fours, and then he gingerly stood up.

"Someone … please tell me … that they got the licence plate of that car."

There was silence in the parking lot then, and Steve realised that their best and maybe only chance to catch the woman who was one of California's most wanted criminals could have just slipped past them.

Sweeney Todd the musical was written by Stephen Sondheim.

It is wonderfully macabre and I am grateful to one of my beta readers for checking through this chapter for me earlier in the year and as a surprise sending me the CD. 


	13. Love Means Letting Go

**Love Means Letting Go**

Ben Chapman re-holstered his gun, and Steve realised, belatedly, that the young man had at least gotten a couple of shots off at the disappearing vehicle.

Sam looked at her boss and with a shake of the head began to speak. "I only saw that it was a California plate with 13 as its last two numbers, sorry, Sir."

"Hey, you both achieved more than I did." Steve tried to stand straight but the pain in his side grabbed at him once again and he staggered slightly. Taking a hesitant breath he tried again, and this time succeeded.

Nicholas Potter came rushing out of the building and across to Steve, "Did you get her? Lieutenant … are you all right? You're bleeding!"

Steve looked down, now that he was standing up a red stain had spread across a small patch of his white shirt. "Oh, great. No, Mr. Potter we didn't get her, and I'm fine, just a scratch. I think we need to go back inside."

It was another hour before Steve finished at the gun club, he'd arranged for a police guard on the place, at least for the next few days, and after he returned to the precinct, written up his report and left it on the captain's desk it was after seven o'clock, Steve was beginning to feel a little nauseous and he knew that he needed to get home so that he could have his dad take a look at him. He walked carefully down the stairs and out into the parking lot, noticing as he did so that there was another bouquet of flowers that had been laid by the main entranceway. The funeral of the rookie cop had taken place that day, but Steve hadn't been invited to the service. He imagined that the flowers were in response to that. Somehow the death of that young man had captured the imagination of the press more than the other officers killed.

Steve pulled the seatbelt round himself, wincing as he did so. There was no way he was going to be able to hide what had happened, but he realised with a smile that an evening of being taken care of was quite appealing.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Rae and Jesse had arrived home the effects of sleeping sitting up in chairs, coupled with the fact that Jesse had just come off a shift of nights, had reduced them both to a level of exhaustion that meant they needed to go to bed. Eliana was also tired after her exciting morning crawling around the floor with the other babies at the mums' group, and so Jesse was able to feed her and put her in her crib knowing that they would get a couple of hours sleep before she woke again. Before he left the room he opened the cupboard where the diapers were kept and took out a new, soft and, for now, dry, soggy giraffe and gave it to his daughter. Jesse shook his head, he still couldn't believe his luck, but when he had gone into the local toy store, where he often got things for Eliana, they'd had the giraffe on sale, and he had bought four of them. She had no idea that the original made a trip through the washing machine at least once a week, but he felt much better about her sucking it now he knew they were able to keep it reasonably clean.

By the time Jesse got back to their bedroom Rae was sitting on the side of the bed taking her clothes off. He moved over to help her but stopped as she began to speak.

"I'll do it, Jesse. When I go to the Willows, nobody is going to help me with this; at least I hope they aren't. It used to be something that I loved you to do, slowly take my clothes off and then make love to me, but now it's turned into a chore you have to do because I am unable to. I want that to change, I want to feel that tingle when your hands touch my shoulders, and when you run your fingers over my back it should be because you want to, not because you have to undo my bra so I can get in the bath." Rae had been slowly undoing her trousers as she spoke, and now she stood up and they slid down her legs. She had lost so much weight that nothing fitted her properly, but that was an advantage, at least for the time being.

As she began the buttons on her shirt, starting at the bottom, because that was the easiest way for her to do it, she suddenly felt Jesse's hand cover hers. He placed a hand on either arm, and then he began to kiss her tenderly on the mouth. For a second Rae didn't respond, but then she started to kiss him back, and she heard a moan as it escaped him. 

Not wanting to cause his wife any discomfort Jesse carefully sat her back on the bed, and then he began to undo the buttons of her top himself, he started from the neck, kissing the newly exposed skin each time he moved his hands down to the next fastening. 

Rae found that the anticipation was so strong inside her that she wanted Jesse to stop being slow and tender, she wanted to tell him to rip the shirt off and just make love to her immediately, but she knew that he wouldn't, and it would be selfish of her to mention it. 

The shirt slipped off her shoulders and joined her trousers on the floor, Jesse looked at the arm brace and then up at Rae's face, and saw her nod slightly. He undid it without a word and then as he discarded it on a chair he felt Rae's right hand in his own as she cautiously stood up and moved closer to him.  With a smile Jesse stripped himself down to his shorts and then he began to kiss Rae once more. She carefully moved her feet until Jesse was the one closest to the bed, and she leant into him until he sat and then lay on the mattress. 

Rae could see that he was as anxious now to make love to her as she was to let him, and as he raised his hips she pulled at his shorts exposing his manhood as she did so. Rae positioned herself so that she could take his erect penis into her mouth and then she began to play her tongue around its tip.  

"Oh, God, Rae," Jesse could hardly speak; he had missed her so much. Just as he thought he wouldn't be able to hold out any longer he felt Rae move away from him, and then she lay on the bed next to him. 

Jesse straddled his wife, undid the front clasp on her bra, and as her breasts fell free from their restraints he cupped one in each hand and began to gently run his fingers across the nipples, this time it was Rae who felt as if she was about to explode, and she watched as Jesse began to place small kisses on them, and then down her skin until he reached her panties. Jesse quickly put a finger in each side of them and removed them without a sound, soon the kisses were being placed on the curls between her legs and he felt her lift her body up towards him.   As he continued kissing her there Rae's hand ran through his hair, and then she grabbed hold of some and pulled gently on it. He moved back up and saw the love and emotion in Rae's eyes, the feelings of longing and of needing were there too, and as he leant over to kiss her again he heard her begin to speak. 

"Take me, Jesse, now, I don't think I can wait for you." 

Jesse didn't need to be asked twice, and positioning himself so that he could enter her but still see her every reaction he began to move in a deep steady rhythm inside her. As Rae's body began to move in time with his he saw a flicker of pain in her eyes, he knew that she wouldn't want him to stop and as their passion began to rise together Jesse felt her body tighten around him, and suddenly almost without warning they both released everything together, and he felt himself falling, falling into her waiting arms.

Jesse rolled straight off Rae and onto the bed, not wanting to hurt her, but the look on her face told him that he needn't have worried. 

"I love you, Jesse, I love you so much."

"Shhh, I know, and I love you too, now can you come here?" Jesse knew Rae would understand, and he watched as warily she moved so that her head was on his shoulder. Jesse put his arm around her, and then, completely spent, they fell asleep together, just like they used to.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve pulled his truck into the driveway and as close to the garage as possible. He knew that he would be the first one leaving the house in the morning, and so it was ok to park it just where it was. Gasping slightly as he climbed down, he locked the vehicle and then headed for the front door. Steve knew that Michael would be there before he could ring the bell, and just as he expected the front door was open as he placed his foot on the step.

"Good evening, Sir, I hope you had a pleasant day." 

"Hi, Michael, it was busy and frustrating, and I'm glad to be home. I think I'll just go and change, but thank you for asking." Steve found as usual his interest genuine and touching.

"Very good, Sir, I'll tell Madam that you have arrived. She is with your father in the morning room when you are ready to join her."

"Thank you, Michael." Steve kept his jacket on, not wanting the Englishman to see the blood on his shirt. He hadn't looked closely at his side yet, but he knew that it wasn't anything more than what he would call a scratch.

Once he had deposited the stained shirt in the laundry Steve stood in the shower and let the water sooth his aching side. The bruise from the large wing mirror on Sandra Breth's car was already livid and there was a tear in the skin in the middle of it. Steve touched it gingerly, and moved his fingers back almost immediately. He gently probed the area around the bruise and had a feeling that it would be sore for a few days. With a sigh Steve got out of the shower, turned the water off, and getting dressed in a pair of clean jeans and a loose t-shirt made his way back downstairs.

Jo and Mark were sitting together on the sofa, and Steve could tell that they had been talking, probably for quite some time. There was a plate of cookies on the occasional table by Jo's hand, and the coffee pot and some small sandwiches were on the tea trolley.

"Hi, guys." Steve put a smile on his face, and moved into the room. Jo jumped to her feet, hurried across the room and took him into a warm embrace.

"Steve, darlin' what's wrong?" Jo moved back quickly as she felt Steve tense up and heard a gasp.

"Nothing, it's ok, I … I got hit by a car."

Now his dad was on his feet too. "You did what? Steve, Son, you should in the hospital, not here at home."

"No, Dad, I'm fine, it was just a wing mirror, I'm a little bruised and tender that's all." Steve moved across and sat down on the sofa, he half wondered whether he had done more damage than just a bruised side and ego; the pain had been sharp when Jo had hugged him.

His dad had left the room, but now he returned his bag in hand. "I'm gonna check you out, whether you like it or not."

"It doesn't matter whether he likes it or not, I insist, an' this is my house, you can sleep in the laundry room if you don't agree!" Jo stood, her eyes glinting and her arms folded. She was worried about him, but she wanted to keep the situation light.

Mark placed his bag on the table which had been hastily cleared of its plate of biscuits, "Stand up, Son, and then I can just have a look and a listen." Mark pulled up Steve's top and couldn't stop himself from commenting.  "Oh, Steve, that looks nasty, how fast was the car going?"

"Mercifully, not very fast. It knocked the wind out of me, and just sort of tossed me aside, but nothing more. Arghhh!" Steve let out the involuntary cry as his father's fingers moved around the bruised area. 

"Mmm, I see. Ok, take a deep breath in." Mark put the stethoscope on his son's chest and listened intently. "Again." Steve did as he was told, and was relieved to realise that it wasn't as painful as he had feared. "Once more for luck." Mark smiled as he spoke, and then continued listening. "Turn round then, I'll just listen to your back too." Steve went through the whole procedure again and then relaxed as his father moved away and he was able to let his shirt fall back into place.

"Well, Mark, what is it?" Jo looked over, the worry clearly visible in her eyes. Steve moved towards her and put his arm round her shoulder.

"Honey, I'm all right, honestly, aren't I, Dad?" Steve looked at his father as he put his stethoscope back in his bag and took out a small bottle of pills. 

"Yep, just bruised, and you have an abrasion, but I don't think it needs covering up. These will help with the pain, and I would suggest you take a couple with you to work tomorrow. I don't suppose I can persuade you to take a day's rest?"

"Dad, it's a bruise, I can't call in sick with a bruise, but I'll take the tablets with me, ok?"

Mark nodded, and then picking up his bag left Steve and Jo together.

"Steve, are you sure you're ok, it's not just an act you're puttin' on for your dad?"

"No, I'm fine, a little sore, but I'm fine, I've been hurt far worse than this." It wasn't the right thing to have said, and Steve knew it immediately. Jo's eyes filled with tears, and she turned away from him.

"Honey, what? What is it?" Steve carefully moved Jo over towards the sofa and sat down with her, keeping his arm around her shoulder the whole time. As they sat together Steve realised that she wasn't actually crying, and he used his finger to gently turn her face towards him. He could see the tears standing in her eyes, but none of them fell. "Jo, what's wrong, why did you look like you were gonna cry?"

"Steve, if we get married …"

"If, what d'you mean if we get married? No, Jo, don't do this to me, not again, don't leave me again." The panic rushed up in Steve's chest, and he found that he was unable to swallow it down. For a brief instant he was on the beach telling Jesse he didn't think he could marry her, and he knew that he had been wrong, it was more than that, not only did he have to marry her, he couldn't live without her.

"Let me finish, you asked what was wrong, an' I have to tell you, now." Jo looked at him and saw him nod. "If we get married how can I go ahead an' try for a baby knowin' that one day you might go out, just like today, a normal day, an' not come home? You know how frightened I am of gettin' pregnant anyway, an' if you add that to this, I don't know if I can take that kind of pressure every day. I'm sorry." Jo stood and went to move away, but she felt Steve's hand go round her arm.

"Jo, listen to me, I know you're worried about me getting hurt, I would worry about you if the situation were reversed, but is that all it is? Sweetheart, I'm not gonna leave you, if we do have a baby, and I know you have a problem with how you feel about that, I will be with you the whole way. I'm not Wayne, I would never treat a woman that way, and it disgusts me that he did. But it isn't gonna happen to you again, do you understand that?"

"Steve, you were right, if I had a baby … another baby, it would be different, an' I think, I'm not sure, but I think that I would try because of all the back up an' help I would get, but every time I stop an' think more worries come to mind, an' it's not just the pre-eclampsia anymore. Steve, I know you wouldn't hurt me, not deliberately, but if someone decides to … take you out … you won't be responsible for what happens, I can't believe that doesn't worry you."

"Of course it worries me, I wouldn't be human if it didn't, but if I let the worries take over I would never leave home in the morning. Honey, I can't explain this to you; I don't think I can make you understand, but maybe Jesse can. Let me have a word with him, I'll give them a call, and we can go see him and Rae."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse and Rae had slept in each others' arms until the noise of their daughter floated out through the baby monitor and gently woke them. Rae smiled up at the face of her husband, and watched as the murmurings of their little girl gradually filtered through and his eyes began to open. 

"Mmm, Rae? Oh, I guess I'd better go get her, huh?" Jesse climbed off the bed, grabbed his shorts, and, pulling them on as he walked, he headed towards his daughter's nursery.

Rae lay back, alone in the bed and waited, and almost immediately the listener sprang to life again. 

"Hey, Sweetie, did you have a nice nap?"

"Dada, Dada, aiii."

"Hi, did you say hi?"

"Aiii." There was a giggle, and for a moment Rae wasn't sure if it was from her daughter or her husband, and then they were both in the doorway to the bedroom. 

"Did you hear her? She said hi." Jesse was grinning; his day was just working out so well.

"I heard, hi, Sweetie."

"Mama, mama." Eliana was sat on the floor where her father had placed her, looking up at her both parents. 

As Rae carefully got off the bed the little girl moved over towards her, a big grin on her face and Rae realised just how pleased she was to be home.

By a quarter past eight Eliana was back in her crib, and all that could be heard from the nursery was the sound of her steady breathing. Jesse had cooked the dinner and Rae had, to her immense satisfaction, loaded the dishwasher after the meal. They were now just relaxing together in the living room, enjoying the prospect of a quiet evening together.

"Jess?"

"Mmm."

"I want you to understand why I need to go to The Willows." Rae felt her husband tense slightly as he heard her words.

"Part of me does understand, but it's so far away, and you will be alone, no-one will look out for you like I do … I know I haven't been very successful at it, but I want to be with you the whole time, please, don't go."

"I have to go, and that isn't what I want to talk about, I want you to understand how I think it will help me, and you if I do go… " Rae paused, she thought that Jesse was going to speak, but he remained silent. "Mandy has helped me a little bit with the physical therapy. Definitely my knee is better than it was, and she thinks that I will be fully mobile again in the next month or so. My arms though are a bit beyond her, she has helped and I can move the right one more than I could, but I need to go somewhere and get specialised help. From here to the border that is the best place, Jesse, I want to get my life back, our life back; I won't be able to do that if I don't go."

Jesse looked at her, the passion in her voice was something he hadn't heard for a while. "What will I do without you for a whole month?"

Rae didn't say anything, she just smiled and leant into her husband and began to kiss him.  She felt his hands begin to run through her hair, and the passion of the afternoon began to return. As she moved slightly away to look into his eyes the phone began to ring.

"Oh, great timing, if it's my mother or yours, I'm getting the number changed!" Jesse sat up on the sofa and reached out for the phone. "Hello, Doctor Travis … Hey, Steve … no, no, that's not a problem, it'll be nice to see you … yeah, ok… bye." With a smile Jesse began to kiss her again, but Rae moved away and looked at him.  "Oh, that was Steve, he and Jo want to come over and see us." 

"Really, wonderful, it's been so long since they have done that. Oh, did I tell you, Alex and Shannon are coming to dinner tomorrow night?"

"I'm working tomorrow, until six, I won't be able … Oh, you're doing the cooking aren't you?"

Rae just smiled at him, and then she got to her feet, kissed her husband as she passed him and then moved towards the bedroom to try and make herself a little more presentable without any help.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo and Steve sat in his truck, the atmosphere between them tense and stilted. Steve knew that he should try to break the silence before they arrived at Rae's house, but he didn't know what to say.

The guard had been notified by Jesse that they were having visitors, and the gates swung open as Steve drew up to them, he smiled at the young man on duty and guided the car through and up to the Travis house.

As they walked up the path the door opened and Rae and Jesse stood waiting for them, smiles on both their faces. "Hey, Steve, Jo, this is nice … I'm sorry we haven't been able to do it for so long." Jesse felt ashamed that his behaviour had cost them the contact with their friends that all four of them needed.

"It's over, Jesse; don't worry about it, ok?" Steve saw him nod, and then they shook hands.

"Hi, Texas, what's wrong?" Rae looked at her friend, and she could see the strain and worry in her eyes.

"Nothin' I hope, but I just need to talk with Jesse."

Rae looked concerned, "I thought Mark was your doctor." The comment raised a smile, and although she had no idea why, Rae was heartened by having being able to do it.

"No, I don't need to speak with him as a doctor."

"You don't need to speak to him on the doorstep either, come on let's go into the lounge." Rae moved back into the house and the four friends walked together into the large airy room that they had become used to being called by its unfamiliar name. 

Rae and Jesse sat together on the sofa, Rae leant back into her husband's arms, and Steve and Jo looked at each other and smiled. They were, whatever their own concerns, glad to see that the Travis's were happy with each other.

"So, what else could you want my husband for? Can't be culinary, he burnt the carrots this evening…"

"Rae!" Jesse grimaced, he hated spoiling the dinner, especially when it was something easy like vegetables.

"He's not bad at gardening, but you do that way better than him … and I'll shut up now." Rae smiled an embarrassed smile and then rested her hand over that of her husband.

"Jesse, how do you cope with Rae bein' a cop?"

If Jesse was surprised he didn't show it, but he knew that this was an extremely important question from Jo. "How do you mean cope? I have only ever known her as a cop, so I guess I just got used to it. I don't like it, if that's what you mean." Jesse watched his best friend, as well as Jo and waited.

"I know you don't like it, but how do you cope, she's not workin' right now, but she will be again, I know she hopes that, an' so does Steve, if that happens how will you be able to let her go, leave the house each mornin' knowin' that she might not come home again?"

Jesse took a deep breath. He had thought that his friends were coming over for maybe a beer, or a glass of wine and a pleasant evening, but this was heavy stuff, and he had a feeling that there was a lot riding on what he said. He was just about to begin speaking again when a cell phone began to ring.  For a second they all looked at each other, and then with a sigh Steve picked up his jacket that he had placed over the arm of the chair and took his phone out.

"Sloan here… Ben … what, oh, great, no … no, I'll come right over, don't let anyone touch it, did you call Doctor Bentley…? Ok, what was that address again…?" Steve listened intently and then with another sigh disconnected the call and turned to his friends. "I guess you know what that call means … Honey, can you get Michael to come and get you, or would you like me to drop you on the way."

"Texas, stay here tonight, you can drive home in Tom in the morning, he hasn't had a run in ages." Rae looked at her friend with expectation in her eyes.

"Honey, I'll stay, I have never been offered the chance to drive that little car before, I can't pass it up, now can I?" Jo was trying to be relaxed about the fact that Steve was heading off again, to who knew where, just proving the point of her argument, not that she had even had time to make it yet.

Rae looked over towards where Steve was getting his jacket on, and saw him wince as he shrugged himself into it. She quietly got up off the sofa and moved across to him, her concern evident in her voice as she spoke to him.

"Steve, are you alright? You look in a bit of pain."

"Yeah, I got clipped by the wing mirror of Sandra Breth's car this afternoon, it was all I got, she sped off."

"Did you just have a call to a sighting of her?" Rae knew the answer before he spoke, as his shoulders drooped a little.

"No, this is another case I'm working on, body parts; so far I have two upper arms, and some blonde and brown hair.

"Blonde and brown?" Rae began to think, "could be from different parts of the body … if you know what I mean." She smiled, a little, and then hurriedly continued talking. "Could be highlights, it's not highlights." Rae saw Steve shake his head, and she began to think again. "Some people have a white streak in their hair, like a lightning strike type of thing, could be like that I guess … dammit, Steve, stop just shaking your head and tell me what you have." Rae was surprised that instead of doing as she asked, her partner moved over and kissed her very gently on the cheek.

"I've missed you, Rae, look, I have a few minutes, can we talk this over?"

"Yeah, you want to go in the family room?" 

With a nod the two officers headed towards the small room just across the hallway, leaving Jesse and Jo alone together. The two friends sat there, neither really knowing what to say to start the conversation going again, and although the silence wasn't uncomfortable, both of them wished that Steve and Rae would return.

Rae listened to Steve's explanation of the body parts case, and what had happened with Sandra Breth, only interrupting a couple of times to ask pertinent questions. Once Steve had finished, and promised to send a copy of all his files over to her in the morning he stood and watched as she got to her feet herself without the usual grimace that accompanied such actions.

"You're getting better aren't you?" 

"Yeah, a little I think, but I'm not there, not yet. Maybe the Willows will help me, I don't know, but I do know that when you got that call I wanted to be getting up and heading for the car too, I wanted to be a part of your case, our world, again."

"Good, I was thinking that maybe you had given up on it. Look, Rae, I have to go, see what piece of what person I have this time, but what you just said, it ties in with the problems Jo has, talk to her, she'll listen to you and Jesse, try to help her understand why we do what we do… please, Rae."

Rae put her hand on Steve's arm and gently squeezed it. She was encouraged by the reduced amount of pain the action caused her, and then she stood on tip toe and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll try, I'm not sure it's something that can be explained, but she used to be a cop, that'll help. Now go, before your body part gets fed up and goes home."

Steve followed Rae out into the hallway, and, as she entered the living room, Jo stood and came out to where he was standing. "Jo, I'll see you tomorrow. I have no idea how long this is gonna take, so I'll just go home and sleep once I'm done. I'll call in the morning before I go back to work. I have a funeral at ten, but I don't know what after that, ok?"

Jo just nodded, not trusting herself to speak. She leant up and kissed him gently at first, but then with more passion than she had planned. Then she placed a hand on his cheek and smiled at him. "You take care of yourself, Cowboy, y'hear?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Steve smiled at her, and then with a final wave to Jesse and Rae he was gone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It took him just over half an hour to get to the bus station where Ben Chapman had called in from. The area by one of the banks of lockers had been cordoned off, but Steve could see a television news reporter and her camera man laying in wait for him, and so he cut round to the back of the lockers and then ducked under the tape from there. He smiled to himself as he heard the reporter turn to her colleague. 

"I told you that we should have stood someplace else, we are seen too easily here."

Steve signalled to Ben to move over so that the cameraman didn't get an uninterrupted view, and then he spoke to his friend as she crouched down in front of an open locker. "Hey, Amanda, what do you have for me this time?"

"What would you like me to have?" Amanda looked up at him, she was finding this case extremely distasteful, and wondered whether that was why she couldn't carry herself in a cool and professional manner, but had to be smart.

"A hand, or better two hands, one from each, then I can run the prints, and move on. You don't have a hand do you?"

"Nope, I have a foot. Male, quite large, it has been severed at the ankle, and again it's a clean cut. I don't know if he's still alive, or whether he was when this was removed, but I can tell you that later. Probably about lunch time tomorrow."

As Steve looked at the offending article a thought struck him. "Amanda, if he isn't still alive, wouldn't he be … well, smelly by now?" Steve pulled a face; this was getting more disgusting by the minute.

"No, look, bend down here, and I'll show you." Steve crouched down to where the foot was resting in a locker two tiers up from the floor. "Pull these on, and then just rest a finger gently on the foot." 

Steve did as he was told, and was surprised to find that the foot was almost icily cold. Suddenly realisation dawned. "Frozen, this was frozen… So somewhere there is a freezer full of body parts?" Steve managed to keep his voice down, as he could see the reporter hovering, just outside of the police tape.

"Steve, look at this." Amanda had the foot in her hand now, and she had turned it over, he could see that on the sole was a powdery residue.

"What's that?" Steve pointed to what he knew Amanda meant, and then looked at the floor of the locker. There was a little residue there, but only on a small area. Whatever it was, it had been transported in with the foot.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had put the coffee machine on before she went back to sit down, and she looked across to where Jo was sitting in Tony's chair, as she snuggled herself back next to Jesse.

"Texas, come and sit with us, you look like you are waiting to be interviewed, or executed, I'm not sure which."

With a grateful smile Jo got up and moved across, Jesse and Rae moved along and then she sat next to Jesse the other side to her friend. He didn't know why but Jesse slid his arm around her too, and felt her relax into him.

Rae knew that Jo had a problem that had the capability to overwhelm her again, and so she moved a little and smiled before she began to speak.

"Texas, do you have trouble coping with Steve being a cop?"

"Yeah, an' I don't know what to do about it. He … he means so much to me, an' I really do want to be married to him, but I'm scared, all of a sudden I am more scared than I have ever been in my life." Jo felt herself move a little closer to Jesse, and for a second wondered whether she should or not, but he didn't push her away, in fact she felt him tighten his grip on her, and she realised that she was finding comfort in his presence.

"That's because you love him, more than you have ever loved anyone in your life. Texas, I know that Jesse worries about me, far more now that we are married and have Eliana and another baby on the way, and if I could give it up I would, but I can't even with all that has happened to me I want to go back and be a cop again. I know you don't want to hear this, but Steve couldn't give up his job either, not even for you, and he loves you every bit as much as you love him." Rae looked across at her friend. She knew how she handled pressure, and she didn't want to add to her worries, but Rae also knew she needed to try to get her to see it from Steve's point of view, just a little bit.

"So, how do I get over the pain in my heart an' the dread, the worry, every time the phone or the door bell rings an' he is workin'? I know what bein' a cop is like, but I don't think that I ever felt about it the way that you an' Steve feel."

"Jo, I don't know that I can help you very much, but part of being a team, of loving someone so much that you want to spend your whole life with them is accepting them as they are. Even the bits that you have a problem with." Rae shook her head slowly, remembering. "Tony couldn't handle it in the end, and for a while Jesse couldn't either, but we needed each other, and finally that was the stronger emotion, and Jesse came back to me, thank goodness." Rae snuggled herself in closer to her husband, she knew that it was a strain for him to be married to her, and she loved him even more because of it.

"Jo, I don't know if I can tell you what you need to hear, but I do know that if you leave now you will be the loser." Jesse could feel the tension in Jo's back and shoulders as she leant against him, and the warmth and love emanating from Rae, he turned to his wife for a second and smiled, just to let her know that he was glad he came back too.

"Jesse, I don't know that I can stay."

"You need to think it through, really think it through. I split up from Rae because I couldn't stand to see her get hurt all the time, it was the worst thing I could have ever done. I need her in my life, and if it has to be on her terms, then I'll go with that. I know that she could leave here one morning and not come back, I know that there is a chance it will be me at the hospital when she comes in, but I can't change who she is, it would finish our marriage, and so I accept it. I don't have to like it, but I accept it." This time it was Rae who felt herself swell slightly with the love and commitment that was being shown to her.

"I still don't know if I can." Jo's voice came out as a soft and sad whisper.

"Texas, is there something that has happened, something that you aren't telling us?"

"No, not to do with this, I don't know why it has suddenly come to a head right now, maybe because I don't have anythin' else to worry about, I have a weddin' to plan' I am gonna marry one of the kindest, most wonderful men I have ever met in my entire life, an' I am scared for him, for me, which is selfish I know, but Rae if he gets killed, or if you do, it's finished, you don't suffer any more, but Jesse an' your kids, they are left behind to mourn an' have their lives ruined. I don't think I can have that in my future."

Rae felt the tears form behind her eyes, but she felt her anger rise too. "Do you think that I don't know that? Do you think that when I get called to a dangerous situation I don't wonder whether it will be the day I don't come home? We aren't gun toting, brain dead idiots; we are professionals, trained to go into dangerous situations to protect those who can't do it for themselves. But I never, ever forget that I have a husband and a child at home waiting for me, and every day that I make it back to my own front door I breathe a sigh of relief and give a prayer of thanks that I am where I should be once again."

"Rae, Honey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to …"

"No, Texas, you just listen for a minute. Try to see it from my point of view, or from Steve's. He has been injured, badly, a couple of times, so have I, but there is something inside of us that pulls us back to the job, to the danger that accompanies it, because it is who we are. I wanted so badly to go with him tonight, when he got that call, I know that I could never settle for anything else as a job, I want to be back out on the streets, with him, doing the job I am good at, and I love. If you can't let him be who he is, and do what he does, well, maybe you don't love him as much as you think you do."

"Rae! That's enough." Jesse turned to his wife, horror on his face.

"No, Jesse, it's not, not really, but I'll stop, I need to go and check on Eliana and then I'll go to bed. She doesn't really need to hear my point of view anyway; it's you who has to live with me. Texas, I'm sorry, I don't want to hurt you, or upset you, but you have to see it from Steve's point of view, because I know he would try to give it up for you, and in the end it would destroy him." Rae got to her feet and then without another word she turned and left the room. For a moment neither of them knew what to do, but finally Jo could keep the tears in no longer and she turned into Jesse's shoulder and began to cry.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had given a short almost no comment interview to the television reporter, and then watched as she began to pack her things away. Once he was sure that she was actually leaving he turned back towards Amanda, another question forming in his mind.

"Amanda, if we hadn't been told about this … this foot until, I don't know, maybe tomorrow, it wouldn't have been cold anymore would it?"

"No, it would have warmed up a little, just from the temperature in the locker."

"Yeah I thought so. I've sent down to missing persons for information on males six foot in height, 179 pounds, and women five foot in height, 129 pounds, but well, this is LA, we aren't short of those types of people, even with the hair it doesn't help, not much anyway."

"Oh, yeah, the hair, the blonde hair, that's natural, not coloured, so that might help. So's the brown, but somehow you don't expect a man to colour his hair… What? What did I say … Oh, sorry." Amanda laughed, the first grey hair Steve had found had sent him running to the nearest drug store, and resulted in him having day glo hair for about a month before it began to quieten down a little. She knew he must still colour it, or he would be as grey as his dad, but maybe now wasn't the time to pursue it.

"Mmm, thank you. It won't help that much, we only ask for hair colour, not whether it is natural or not but thanks anyway." Steve looked round as Ben came over with a scared looking elderly lady. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Amanda nodded, and began to put her things into her bag, Steve moved across and smiled as he did so. "Hi, my name's Lieutenant Sloan, can I help you, Ma'am?"

"Steve, this is Mrs Murray, she is the lady who found the … the foot."

"Why did you go to this locker, Ma'am?"

"Because it had a key in it. I came over to put my bag inside." Steve looked down and he could see that Ben Chapman had a small suitcase in his right hand.  "I opened the door and, and … there was a foot in my locker… Oh my."  Mrs Murray began to lose all her colour, and Steve turned, calling out as he did so.

"Amanda, Amanda, could you come here for a minute, please?"

Amanda shut her bag with a snap and hurried across to where Steve was now guiding Mrs Murray to a seat. 

"This is the lady who found our … our part, could you just have a little look at her? Ma'am, this is my friend, Doctor Amanda Bentley, she will just make sure you are all right."

"I … I saw you looking in the locker, at that … that thing."

"Yes, Ma'am, I'm a county coroner, but I'm a doctor too, now just take a couple of deep breaths."

By the time Amanda had decided that Mrs Murray would be fine, as long as Ben took her home, Steve was ready to head back to the station, file yet another report and go home to bed. Steve could see his truck now, he had been lucky enough to be able to get a parking space right by the main doors, and so he didn't have far to go before he could get moving and get a little closer to a good night's sleep. His side was aching again, and he guessed that the pain killers his dad had given him were wearing off. Pulling two out of his pocket he put them in his mouth, and swallowed them down, he dropped the container into the trash and carried on walking.

Steve wondered, as he made his way to the exit, just how Rae, Jesse and Jo had gotten on with their conversation. The thought of losing her scared him, more than anything had in a very long time, but he was a cop, he couldn't imagine not doing the job he loved, any more than he could imagine living without the woman he loved. Shaking his head Steve pushed all the thoughts back into the recesses of his brain, and then made his way towards his truck. He saw Amanda as she put her gear in the trunk of her car, and then as he opened his door something in the back caught his eye.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Amanda had just fastened her seatbelt when she heard her name being called. She undid it again and climbed back out of her car.

"Amanda, Amanda!"

"Steve, what is it? Are you all right?" She locked her car and ran across to him. He was an extremely shaken looking shade of grey, and she was concerned that he was going to either throw up or pass out. She was about to ask again what the matter was, but as she looked where he directed her gaze she no longer needed to. There in the back of his truck, in a jar, were the private parts of, she presumed, their male corpse.


	14. Just A Little Walk In The Park

**Just A Little Walk In The Park**

Jesse walked into the bedroom just after eleven to find, to his surprise, that Rae was sitting up in bed waiting for him. She had been tempted to return to the living room, but knew that her temper would get the better of her.

"Hey, I thought you would be asleep, are you all right?" Jesse could see that his wife was anything but all right.

"No, not really, did I hear Michael earlier?"

"Yeah, Jo decided that it might be better if she went home tonight, you really hurt her feelings you know."

"I guess I'll call and apologise tomorrow, but she just got me so cross, how dare she say that I don't consider you and Ana? I know I haven't worked that much since she was born, but I was careful, I have always been careful, I've been a cop a long time and I'm still alive and functioning, maybe not completely, but I will be again, and nothing that has happened has made me want to be anything but a cop, I don't really understand the phrase, but I guess 'it's in my blood'. I can't think of any other way to describe it."

Jesse had been getting undressed while Rae was talking, but he had listened to every word, and after he climbed into bed he sat, his back against the headboard, and waited for Rae to move over a little and then he pulled her close to him. He loved to feel her bare skin against his own, and he was glad she had stopped wearing nightclothes again once she got home from the hospital. "We never really had the discussion that Steve and Jo need to have did we?"

"No, I guess not, I've always known that you would rather I did something else for a living, but I also know that you wouldn't try to change me. Jess, I hated it too when we weren't together, and I know I have made your life way more complicated than it ever was before I arrived from London, but I love you, and I need you, really need you, in my life."

Jesse was silent for a moment, he could hear the emotion in Rae's voice, and when he began to speak it was evident in his own voice too. "Rae, when Alex comes tomorrow I want you to tell him to book you into the Willows whenever you're ready to go and they can fit you in." Jesse felt Rae's surprise as she moved in his arms.

"Why, you were so against it, what made you change your mind?"

"You did. Honey, I saw you when Steve got that phone call, and even if you hadn't said anything I knew that you were just desperate to go with him, I can't stop you from having your own life, and tonight I realised, as I listened to you and Jo, that you couldn't give it up, not without a fight, you need to go and to know that you have given it your very best shot, before you accept that you can't be a cop anymore, and I really, honestly hope it's a decision you never have to …. Mmm." Jesse found that he was unable to speak anymore as Rae turned to him and began to kiss him, her tongue finding its way into his mouth and then his hand moved up, and after a moment's hesitation began to move through her hair.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Amanda had called Ben Chapman back to the bus depot, and arranged for her deputy to come and remove the contents of Steve's truck. Once there was a guard standing, his back to the jar, to prevent any contamination of the crime scene, she had moved her obviously extremely shaken friend over to her own car. Steve had sat, without a word, in the passenger seat and put his head in his hands. As she eased herself in behind the wheel, however, he began to talk.

"Oh, God, Amanda, tell me he was dead, this time he had to have already been dead."

"Steve, I don't know, but I sure hope so, I'll tell you once I've carried out a full examination of the … the evidence."  Amanda looked over at the tall man sitting next to her. Steve had no colour in his handsome features, and he still looked as if he could pass out at any time. "Let me run you home, Dave Marshall is gonna take everything back to the lab, and I will deal with this and the foot in the morning, there is nothing you nor I can do tonight."

"No, not yet, I won't be able to sleep anyway, Jo's staying with Rae and Jesse, and if I shut my eyes, all I see is … well, you know what I see, how could anybody do this, Amanda? I know we joked about it to start with, but this is … this is just … barbaric. Why did he have to park the car in my spot? Somebody else could have this to deal with instead of me. I have a drive by shooter that killed six of my colleagues, and now I have body parts to cope with, and … and…" Steve's whole body seemed to sag, and with what seemed an extreme effort, he lifted his head, leant it back against the headrest and closed his eyes, but the image of his truck assaulted his senses once more and he opened them again.

"Steve, what's wrong? I know you have a heavy workload, but there's something more, isn't there?"

Steve sat for a minute, and then he turned, "How do you deal with knowing that Ron is in danger every day, you aren't even in the same city and able to be with him?"

Amanda found herself smiling inwardly, Ron had picked up the keys to his new apartment the previous weekend, having found what he wanted almost immediately, and in two days time would be moving to LA permanently, but they still hadn't told anyone yet.

"I put my trust in him, and the fact that he is a good agent, and I put my trust in God. Steve, I can't do anything else, I love the man, but I know that his job is vital to who he is, without it he wouldn't be the Ron Wagner that I … adore." Amanda felt the blush as it crept up her face.

Steve smiled, he had known that she would be able to explain her feelings succinctly, and he placed his large hand over her smaller more delicate one and squeezed it.  Amanda moved over and kissed him gently on the cheek. "She'll get used to it, Steve, and if she doesn't, well, you know that we are all here for you, and always will be."

"Yeah, I know, but I love her, Amanda, I can't imagine my life without her, and I thought she felt the same way about me."

"Oh, I think she does, but it's a real hard thing to accept. It's big and scary and it'll take her time to get it into perspective. But she will, and she has all of us here for her too, she only needs to ask."

As Steve was about to reply there was a light tap on the passenger window of Amanda's car and she inserted her key into the ignition and then pressed the button to lower the window.

"Ah, Lieutenant, could you come back over to your truck?" Ben was looking a little shaken himself as he spoke.

Steve managed to repress the shudder that threatened to overwhelm him and, with a nod, opened the door and got out. He walked slowly across to his Ford and looked into the back of it. The jar had been removed and Steve could see a piece of paper lying where it would have been hidden by the container.

"Whoever is doing this left you a note." Ben looked across at his colleague. Steve Sloan was his superior officer, and was normally the consummate professional, but right now he looked like he had just enough energy to stand up, and not a lot else.

"Has it been dusted?" Steve looked down and he could see that the paper had a slight layer of powder across it.

"Yeah, it was clean as a whistle."

Steve leant over and picked up the piece of paper by the corner, he wasn't surprised it was clean, everything else had been too. He slid it into an evidence bag, just to be on the safe side, and then with a deep breath he began to read.

_Lieutenant, or can I call you Steve? I feel we know each other so well,_

_I was going to save this till last, but somehow I found it a little disconcerting to have on my shelf staring at me as I got my cornflakes. What luck that you were at the bus station at the same time as me, have you worked out who this is yet? Maybe you need a little clue, but not this time, I'm sure that you have checked missing persons, there is just one problem with that, one of the victims at least, hasn't been reported missing, ah well, some times you can't get a break can you?_

_I wonder could he be 'a little priest?' No, that would be too easy!_

_Take care Steve,_

_S. Todd_

Steve's immediate reaction was to screw the paper into a ball and throw it away, or better yet rip it to shreds, but he knew that he couldn't do that, and so with a sigh he watched as Ben took the evidence bag and moved over to his car with it.

"So, is my truck gonna be impounded or can I have it?" Steve looked over at the young man as he walked back towards him.

There was a laptop computer set up by the side of the vehicle and a picture of an enlarged fingerprint took up the entire screen. "No, it's all yours again, the only prints belong to you, and well, you didn't put that in there yourself did you, Steve?" 

"No, Ben, I did not!" Steve's eyes blazed and the young man realised his mistake.

"Sorry, Sir, that was uncalled for."

"I'll see you at the station. I'm gonna head in and get this written up… Amanda, thank you, I'll see you tomorrow about lunch time?"

"Sure, Steve, are you ok? I can run you home; the report will wait until the morning."

"No, I want to get it out of the way, and I have a feeling I will sleep better once it's done." Steve kissed his friend on the cheek and squeezed her arm gently. He felt her hand on his shoulder, and then she moved off, in that graceful way she had, towards her car, and Steve turned and climbed into his truck.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Steve arrived back at the station, having first taken a detour through the nearest carwash, twice, it was getting late, and he knew that once he had written down everything that happened, he would be glad to get home and take another shower and then sleep until morning. Once again he didn't plan to come to work until after the funeral, although this time that would mean arriving at the precinct about one o'clock, after he had seen Amanda.

The report, surprisingly, seemed to write itself, and although Steve thought for a while about the fact that the note was exactly the same as all the others even though it seemed to have been written in a hurry it didn't take long for him to realise that S. Todd was playing with him, probably took his paper everywhere with him, and had planned to leave the jar there right from the start, whatever he said in his letter. Once he had decided that it wasn't long before Steve was climbing back into his very clean vehicle and heading out towards Beverley Hills. It was after ten when Steve parked his truck, although this time he put it in the garage, not wanting a repeat of his earlier gift, and then he made his way into the house through the laundry room and into the kitchen. As usual, when he arrived home after the last meal of the day, there was a note on the counter and a plate of food in the refrigerator. He had eaten dinner with Jo before they went to see Rae and Jesse and so the plate contained just a snack and Steve ate it standing looking out of the window at the lights below him. Somewhere out there was a man who had dissected two bodies, frozen them, and now was taunting him with various parts knowing that there was no way that the LAPD or the coroner's office had any idea who the victims were, or where their murderer might be.

With a heavy sigh Steve put his plate in the dishwasher, went back to the refrigerator and grabbed a soda.  Three bottles of beer smiled up at him, but he shut the door on them, tonight he didn't need the effects of alcohol, he needed a clear head to help him sort his day out. Somewhere there must be a clue, but he had no idea where to look.

Slowly Steve made his way up the stairs, he wished that Jo was home, he guessed she wouldn't want to talk about his day, but just having her warm body to press his up against made so much difference to the way he felt, he smiled as he realised where his thoughts were taking him, and decided to make the shower a little colder than usual. 

As he got to the top of the stairs he heard his name being called, soft and low, and he turned to see his dad standing in his own doorway. "Steve, Son, come here a minute."

"Dad, what is it? Are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine, but I don't know that Jo is. She came back from Jesse's, in fact she called and had Michael go and get her. She wouldn't talk to either of us when she got back …No, Son, not couldn't, wouldn't." Mark could see the worry as it crossed his son's face, and he could also tell that Steve was getting near to exhaustion himself.

"So, you don't know why she came home? Did you call Jesse and Rae to ask them?" Steve thought it probably meant that the evening hadn't gone well, and he knew that he should have been able to stay and help her understand, but once again the job had gotten in the way, just as it would time after time, year after year, and he wondered whether she would be able to cope with it, with him, and the life he knew he had to live.

"Steve." Mark placed a hand on his son's arm, and felt him jump. "Whoa, sorry, I didn't mean to startle you. No, I didn't speak with either of them, I didn't want to intrude, and Michael said Jesse had told him that he would call in the morning, so I let it be. She went straight up to your room, I don't know if she's asleep, I knocked when I came up but there was no answer."

"Thanks, Dad, I'll go check. I'll see you in the morning. And I need to know about this plan of yours."

"Ah, my plan, I told you I thought we could open up the beach house for this weekend, invite everybody over, just like we used to, get me used to being back there, I have to go back before long, although I know you don't want me to, and if I am fine this weekend, then I will probably just stay there."

"Dad, no! It's too soon, and … and I'll worry about you!"

Steve's voice had risen when he heard his father speak, and both men heard a door open across the hallway. 

"Steve, is that you?" Jo's voice was weak and shaky and Steve could hear the fear in it.

Still looking surprised at the news his dad had just thrown at him, Steve turned and hurried across to where Jo was standing, he would have to find out the details from his dad in the morning, he knew that his fiancée needed him more.

"Honey, yes it's me, let me put you back to bed, come on, shhh, baby, it's all right." Steve could feel her shoulders heave as she leant into him, and he carefully guided her back into the room. He glanced over his shoulder and saw his father smiling at him, not only out of gratitude for the gentle way he was treating Jo, but also, Steve knew, because he had gotten out of explaining himself, again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The alarm woke Steve at half past seven, and he turned it off as quickly at he could. He was annoyed for dozing, because he had been awake at a quarter past seven, and planning to turn the damn thing off, and then the next thing he knew it was ringing loudly.

Jo was still fast asleep beside him, but his own tiredness and the knotted and dishevelled state of her hair showed just how much of a restless night she had spent. He had heard her call out a couple of times, the first had been his name and he had soothed her demons and she had quietened next to him, her head resting gently on his shoulder, but the second time it had been Rae she called for, and he couldn't calm her as quickly, she'd had tears in her eyes, and Steve had wanted desperately to wake her up, if only to tell her that he loved her and it would be all right. Now though, she was sleeping peacefully, and so he climbed carefully out of bed, and, grabbing his robe, headed towards the shower room two doors down so that the sound of the water wouldn't disturb her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse had beaten his alarm clock to a pulp just after six, having put it on snooze first. Never again would he volunteer to cover for someone, even Alex, after a set of nights. Rae had rolled over in bed and Jesse had smiled, for a while she hadn't been able to do that, the position she assumed when she got into bed was the one she was still in the following morning, but now she had begun to be able to move in her sleep, and Jesse knew that although it still caused her pain, most of the time with the help of strong painkillers, she could cope with it. At night she still had the additional help of a sedative, but Jesse was just as scared as Rae was of another premature baby, and so they had cut it down until she was taking just enough to help her off to sleep and no more.

"Hey, handsome, you look tired." Rae looked up at her husband; he really was the most wonderful man in the world. "Lie back down; we can have a cuddle before you have to leave can't we?"

"You know if I get back into bed with you now I won't go to work, and Alex needs today off. You'll be ok won't you? Jo's at home, and Mark will be at the beach house by lunch time."

"Is he going home? I didn't know that." Rae looked a little puzzled. She was sure that Steve would have mentioned something.

"No, Jo told me last night, they're opening up the beach house. Mark is going over today, and then Steve and Jo will be there as well for the weekend, and anybody who wants to go is welcome. I said we would go Saturday, I think that Alex and Shannon will be there too, and I'm sure Amanda will bring the boys. But that is the weekend; it's today I'm worried about, leaving you here with Eliana all day." Jesse tried not to make it sound as if she couldn't cope. Rae seemed more relaxed, and he didn't want to be the one to change that.

"Jesse, I'll be ok, I have plans for today. I am going to make Shepherds Pie for dinner tonight, that will take a while, and I want to spend some time with Eliana before I go away, work out what clothes to take with me, I have e-mails to reply to, that sort of thing."

"And what are you gonna do after breakfast?" Jesse was rewarded for his sarcasm by his wife sticking her tongue out at him, and with a smile and a laugh he headed for the shower. 

He hadn't been in there more than a couple of minutes when he felt Rae's hand on his back, and he turned to see her standing in the shower with him. 

"I know we can't do what we used to do in here, but I just wanted to be with you."

Jesse smiled and took her into his arms, the feel of her warm and wet body against his was almost too much for him to bear, he ran his fingers through her short hair, the water in it making it soft and smooth, then he began to kiss her, and he felt his hardness rub against her, "Rae, is this enough for you?"

"Yes, my darling, for now, it's enough, I just needed to feel you, to be like a normal woman again." Rae's right arm was slightly more mobile than it had been, and she slowly ran a finger up Jesse's chest.

"Oh, Rae, Honey, let me take you back into the bedroom." He saw her nod, and without another word he scooped her up in his arms, grabbing a towel as well as he passed them. He gently put her onto her feet, and then began to rub the towel down her back, planting kisses on each part that he dried. Soon Rae was shivering under his touch, not from the cold but from the passion rising within her, and when Jesse moved round to dry her front and placed his mouth over one nipple and teased his tongue back and forth over it, it was all she could do to stop her knees from collapsing under her. Slowly he looked up at her and then carefully pushed her back onto the bed, and Rae surrendered herself to him with a sigh of pure delight.

Time stood still for them until glancing over his shoulder Jesse saw the bedside clock. "Rae, Sweetheart, I have to go, I am gonna be so late."

"Five minutes, Jess, just five minutes, please." Rae opened her eyes, and looked at her husband, she had never been left alone straight after he had made love to her, and she didn't want to start now. The relief she felt as Jesse gently moved away from her and then laid back down beside her was almost overwhelming, and she realised that she was going to miss him terribly when she left for San Francisco.

It was just after seven when Jesse finally left the house, he knew that he would just make it in time if the traffic was kind to him, and if it wasn't, well he had the perfect excuse to cover for his tardiness. Rae had stood at the door and watched him leave, a satisfied smile on her face. As she turned to go back into the house she heard Eliana begin to chatter away to her giraffe and the soft doll that Texas had brought back the night before. Texas, Rae sighed, she needed to speak with her friend, but she wasn't really sure what to say. Her own reaction the previous evening night had shocked Rae, and the fact that it had been her best friend that had received her tirade made her feel even worse.  With a sigh Rae headed back towards the bedroom and began to get dressed. She had chosen her clothes the night before, and so, after about twenty minutes, she emerged, wearing a pair of jogging bottoms and a baggy t-shirt. Not the most elegant of outfits, but it was clean and comfortable, and more importantly, she had put it all on by herself.

Jo had felt the bed rise up when Steve got out of it, but she had waited until he had left the room before she opened her eyes and prepared to face her day. The words that Rae had all but spat at her the night before were still going round in her head, and she knew that she owed her friend an apology. She hadn't meant to accuse Rae of not considering her husband and daughter when she undertook dangerous assignments, but she knew that was how Rae had taken it, and it had to be sorted out. Also, she had left her purse in Rae's living room, and she needed to go and pick it up. By the time she had resolved to head over there after breakfast Jo was sitting at the dressing table trying to get her hairbrush through the tangles and knots that her disturbed night had caused. In the end she decided that a shower would be the best way to remove them, and so she headed into the bathroom, hoping that Steve would tell her his troubles when he came back to their room. 

As the water beat down on her back Jo could see Steve's face from the night before. Although it had been he who'd helped her back into the bedroom she had taken over as soon as the door was closed. He'd been tense; every muscle in his well defined body taut and almost ready to snap. She had made him take off his shirt and pants, and then lie on the bed. Jo wasn't an expert masseuse, but gradually the gentle probing of her fingers had caused him to relax a little, and with silent agreement they had climbed into bed and turned the light out without talking about either of their evenings, both knowing that it would keep until the morning.

Jo began to work some shampoo and then conditioner through her hair, and as she ran a comb through it she could feel the hair unknotting, almost as Steve's shoulders had done the night before, if only their problems could be worked out as easily. With this thought still in her mind Jo climbed out of the shower and dried herself, then she headed towards the wardrobe and pulled out a pair of black jeans and a white shirt. The two items worn together made her feel bright and crisp as a Texas winter's morning, and she had a feeling that bright would help her today.  She was finally able to get the brush through her hair, and as she was pulling it back into two gold coloured clips the door opened and Steve came back in.

He hung his robe on the back of the door where it belonged, and, as he walked over towards his own closet, Jo could see that the bruise from the previous day had increased in size and severity.  The abrasion in the middle of it was now a puckered and knobbly scab, although the shower had probably softened it some. Not really knowing how her actions would be received Jo moved over to where Steve was standing and gently placed her hand on his side. Then she crouched down a little and left a kiss just on the edge of the bruising. As she stood back up she felt Steve's hand move round the back of her and pull her close and then he was kissing her, gently, but passionately, and she gave herself up to him and began to kiss him back.

It took them a little while to come back down to earth after their kisses, Steve's hands had been exploring her hair as he had been exploring her mouth, and now she was sitting back at the dressing table trying to get the clips back in so they looked even. 

"Steve," Jo could see him putting on the pants to his black suit. "What time is the funeral this mornin'?"

"Ten, why?"

"Do you think you could come home after it? I guess we need to talk don't we?"

"Honey, I wish I could, but not today, it's just crazy, but I tell you what, I'll try to get a day off at the beginning of next week, or at least the afternoon, maybe we can go out into the countryside, get away from everybody and everything, just you me and a picnic basket, how does that sound?"

"It sounds wonderful, we could park up at the stables, an' carry on from there in the saddle if you would like." Jo smiled; she had been trying to get Steve to go riding with her for ages.

"Ah, no. The last time I sat on a horse was at a birthday party my dad threw for me at Ponyland, no, I like my idea better."

"Ponyland, that place up the coast a ways? How old were you, ten, eleven?"

"No, I was …. Well, it was a few years ago, about the time that Amanda began fostering Dion. What?" Steve looked at the amused expression on Jo's face, and felt the need to explain himself. "We thought it was going to close down, and Dad arranged it as a sort of final outing, except that it didn't close down, and CJ and Dion have been back loads of times."

"Well, I'm sure I can find you a pony or a small horse if you would feel more comfortable bein' closer to the ground… Steve, tonight, could we talk tonight, your dad will be gone, an' as much as I love him, an' I was pleased to help him, it will be nice to have our home back, we can head to the beach house a little later than we planned, an' then when we do go out next week we can just enjoy each other's company."

Steve smiled over at her and realised that although he was still worried about his dad, she was right, it would be nice to be alone again just for a couple of hours.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had decided that the most important thing to do, after feeding and dressing her daughter, was to make the dinner ready for the evening, so when Eliana became a little drowsy just after eleven she put her down for a nap, using the buggy so that she was close at hand should she stir, and then she began to get all the ingredients together for her meal. It wasn't an authentic shepherds pie, she knew that, but by using minced beef, _ground beef, Jesse called it ground beef when he bought it_. The thoughts of Jesse came up in her mind and she felt her heart begin to race. Shutting her eyes for a moment she tried to picture him working in the ER, helping people who were in pain and hurting. Rae could see his wonderful smile, hear the kindness in his voice, and her fear began to dissipate. She concentrated on her breathing for a moment, _you know where he is, it's fine, you know where he is._ Finally, after what seemed like ages but she knew was only a few minutes Rae was back in control of herself, she got a drink of water and sat at the table for a little while. Then with a sigh she went back to her cooking, picked up the jar she had bought that was a spaghetti sauce with the onion already chopped up in it, and ready grated cheese, all she had to do was fry the meat and peel the potatoes, then put everything together. The mashing of the potatoes was a bit of a worry, but she knew she would cope.

Once her meal was underway Rae checked on her daughter, and smiled as she watched her for a while, fast asleep in the buggy, one hand strangling the giraffe, Rae stopped thinking, 'strangling', she never used any derivative of that word, and here she was using it in relation to her daughter and so soon after feeling panic stricken, maybe life would get a little normality back into it after all.

The security phone ringing brought her out of her meanderings and she moved along the hallway to answer it, not wanting to disturb Eliana if she didn't have to.

Five minutes later Rae and Texas were hugging on the doorstep, tears in both their eyes, and then Rae was standing back to let her friend in.

"I am so sorry, what I said was out of line, I shouldn't have shouted at you, and I certainly shouldn't have gone off and left you and Jesse like a spoilt child."

"Rae, we were both at fault, I know how much Jesse an' Eliana mean to you, an' I was wrong to suggest you didn't think about them, I guess I'm just beginnin' to realize how much everythin' in my life could change if anythin' happened to Steve."

"Texas, I'm a great believer in fate, there is a day, already decided, when I will meet my Maker and nothing I do or say will change that. But it doesn't mean that I'm going to be stupid or reckless, I still take care in everything I do, but I can't change the future, and so there is no point in worrying about it. You love him, I know that, and all of a sudden you have a wedding date coming up, and he is going to be your husband, and that is way more permanent than a lover or a fiancé and you are scared of what you could lose. But you have to live for now, because if you don't, when the future does arrive, you will have nothing to look back on."

Jo smiled at her friend, and nodded, not trusting herself to speak.

"And why couldn't I have said that last night instead of storming off? I'm so sorry."

"Honey, it's all right, I insulted you an' your relationship with your family, I would have thrown anyone who did that out of my house, so you were politeness itself compared to me. Rae, can I smell somethin' cookin'?"

"Oh, mince and potatoes!" Rae turned and hurried, as much as she was able, back to the kitchen. She picked up the wooden spoon and carefully stirred the meat, letting out a sigh of relief when it moved around the saucepan without the hissing and sticking sounds that meant it was burning. Then she turned the gas off under the potatoes and looked back at her friend. "Shepherds Pie, we have Alex and Shannon coming over for dinner tonight, and I am determined to cook it myself. Jesse will be exhausted, and I don't want him to have to come home and prepare the meal."

"Michael could have done it for you, you know that."

"I do and thank you, but this way it is my meal, and I want to show Alex that I am improving." Rae turned the heat off under the meat as well, and then she carefully picked up the non-stick saucepan and rested it on a rubber mat as well as leaning it against a deep sided dish that she had wedged on the counter. Gradually the meat and sauce poured into the dish, and when all of it had transferred itself Rae put the pan down with a bang.

"Rae, I could have done that bit, nobody would have needed to know."

"I would know, but now I can leave it for a while, the potatoes need mashing, but I don't think I can cope with that yet. Let's go sit and chat for a bit."

Jo was just nodding her agreement when the security phone buzzed again and Rae looked over to see her daughter stir as she went to answer it.

"Hello…? Oh, ok, no I'll come down, have him wait a minute." Rae turned back to her friend. "Do you fancy a little walk to the gatehouse? I have to sign for a package."

"Only if I get to push the stroller." Jo smiled and released the brake on Eliana's wheels and then followed her friend outside into the spring sunshine. 

It wasn't a hot day, but it was pleasantly warm and the flowers were just coming up in the front gardens of the houses in Rae's street. It wasn't very far to where Rae's package was waiting for her, and the two friends enjoyed the short journey together.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had helped his dad to pack his things into Michael's car, and told him of his and Jo's plan to arrive a little later than planned. He had headed straight for Community General after the funeral, excusing himself from the wake after just over a half hour. Amanda was waiting for him when he arrived, and he could tell from her face that he wasn't going to like her results any more than she did.

"Ok, Steve, I think that the foot was removed after he was dead, no I don't think, sorry, I know, there is no bruising now, and I would be surprised if we get any parts that were removed before death, other than the remainder of the arms. The contents of the jar though weren't removed after he was dead…" Amanda paused while her friend took in what she was saying and saw him lose some of his colour at her last piece of news.

"Oh, God, Amanda, I … I can't begin to think of the agony he must have gone through. He would have passed out wouldn't he?"

"Steve, I would love to be able to say yes, he would have done, but I don't know, that wouldn't show up, but like I said the foot was cut off after the guy was dead, so …"

"So the shock could have killed him?" Steve saw her nod her head. "What else, do you have more?"

"The dust on the sole of the foot, and the little bit that was in the bus station locker, it's cement powder."

"Cement? I guess that is why it was a light colour."

"Yeah I guess so. It doesn't help us that much, unless they are being kept at a home improvement store, but then I think everything would have been covered in it. My guess, which is all it can be right now, is that this is just someone's personal supply of cement."

"Maybe he plans to sink the parts he can't get rid of to me."

"Maybe"

"Anything else, what about the jar that the … well, the jar from my truck."

"Nothing, just an ordinary jar, no prints, no dust, nothing, just an ordinary jar."

"So that's it, you don't have a smoking gun then?" Steve shook his head, he knew the answer, and knew that the question wasn't helpful.

"No, that is where I stop. I can't tell you anything else. He is Caucasian, you knew that all ready, male, from the size of his foot I would definitely say six foot if not maybe a little more, his blood type is O negative, from the blood works I have had back he had no hereditary, terminal or transmittable diseases, and all that adds up to nothing we didn't know before. The note tells me nothing either. The lab boys went over it, I looked at it, it is ordinary paper you can buy at any supermarket or dollar store, written on with an ordinary ball point pen. Until he slips up, or decides he wants you to know more, apart from an apparent liking for Sweeney Todd, there is nothing to work on here."

"Well, gee, don't sugar coat it!" Steve looked at his friend. The folder on the desk in front of her was a little thicker now than it had been, but the information was almost similar to having just circumstantial evidence. "Well, I guess I had better get to the station, I have bus terminal videos to look at, missing persons files to go through, and a report to go over with the captain, because there is no way he is gonna let what I wrote last night go without some explanation. Amanda, thank you, anybody else and I would be sceptical at the lack of evidence, but you are the best there is, and if he has you stumped then he must be good."

Suddenly embarrassed by the kind words from her friend Amanda turned to tidy her desk, not sure what to say. She felt his presence by her side, and then with a wave of his hand he picked up his copy of the report and left the lab.

Making his way back towards the elevator Steve remembered that Jesse was working, and so he pressed the button for the floor of the ER and walked out into an almost unnaturally quiet area. Jesse was sitting in one of the chairs reading the paper; Wil Collins was in another seat doing the same.

"And they say our health service is overstretched." Steve moved over towards Jesse and flicked his fingers on the top of the paper.

"Hey, I was reading that! Hi, Steve, how did it go last night?" Jesse was concerned to see Steve blanch a little. "Steve?"

"You haven't seen Amanda this morning then?" Steve was answered by a shake of the head. "Look, I could do with a coffee, do you have five minutes?"

It took three times that long, but Steve filled Jesse in on what he had found the night before, and then Jesse explained to him what had happened after Steve had left to attend the crime scene. "They were both upset, Steve, but they're friends, they'll make it up, in fact I'll just give her a call, I'm sure they've been in touch all ready." Steve nodded, grabbed a cookie from the tin by the coffee machine and slumped into the saggy sofa, there wasn't really a dignified way of sitting in it, and Steve had long ago decided to let the stuffing surround him, and fight his way out of it when he needed to leave. 

Jesse put the receiver down and tried the number again, he still got no reply and so he called Rae's cell phone, nothing, feeling the panic rising inside him he turned to his friend. "Steve, do you have Jo's cell number, could you call her?" 

Steve could see that Jesse was suddenly very worried, and so without a word he took his phone out and speed dialled his fiancée's number. This time it was he who waited, and when there was no reply called through on his home number.

"Good afternoon, Walter's residence." Michael's calm and collected voice cut across the air.

"Michael, Hi, it's Steve, is Jo there?"

"No, Sir, Madam went to spend some time with Mrs Travis and Miss Eliana. She will be back in time for afternoon tea."

"Ok, if she calls, get her to leave me a message on my cell, or if she can get through to me, to let me know where she is. Thanks, Michael." Steve disconnected the phone, and turned. "She's not home, Jess, and I can't reach her."

"Steve, I have to go, will you come with me? All Rae was doing today was playing with Eliana and getting the dinner ready." Jesse was running down the hallway as he spoke, and Steve had to hurry to catch him up. 

"Nurse, I'm going out, Wil, I can't get hold of Rae, I'll be back as soon as I can." Jesse punched the elevator button, jiggling up and down the entire time. "Come on, come on." After what seemed like an eternity to him, Jesse watched the doors open, then he and Steve were inside and he was banging on that set of buttons instead.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

On a good day it took Jesse half an hour to get home from the hospital, in Steve's truck with the siren going they got there in twenty minutes. The guard opened the gates as he saw the car approach and Steve screeched to a halt outside Jesse's house. 

The front door was flung wide as Jesse rushed inside. Steve looked round in the front garden for a moment before entering, to find his friend coming back towards him.

"The dinner's half made, Jo's coat is here, but she's not, and Rae and Eliana have gone, they just aren't here!"


	15. Family Problems

**Family Problems**

"Jesse, just calm down, she can't have gone far, anybody coming in would have been logged at the gate, just as we were, I know we didn't stop, but they know you and they know me. Jess, she's probably just gone for a walk."

"No, no, she would have told me, ah!" Jesse raised both hands in a gesture of despair, "I was just beginning to relax a little, I left her at home today with Eliana, I didn't even leave a list of numbers to call, and look where it got me."

Steve could see that there was no point in trying to reason with his friend, so he moved across to the security phone and dialled the number for the gatehouse.

"Hi, this is Lieutenant Steve Sloan, LAPD, I'm at number 37, the Travis residence, did Mrs Travis have any visitors this morning? … Thank you … no, I'll hold." Steve turned to indicate what he was doing, but Jesse wasn't looking at him. "Jesse, stop pacing, you are probably worrying over nothing, and using up valuable energy, just … hello? … Oh, right, ok, and then they came back towards the house, yes?... Thanks a lot … no, there's no problem, bye." Steve put the receiver back on the phone. "She had a package to go sign for, the guard said that once she had done that she slid the envelope onto the bottom of the stroller and then she and her friend, which I'm guessing was Jo, began to walk back this way."

"Then where are they?" Jesse ran his fingers through his hair and wasn't really concentrating at all on what Steve was doing.

Steve had moved across to the entranceway, and was looking out towards the sidewalk. "Jesse, come here… Jess, come here and listen." His friend finally did as he was told, and the worried expression was first replaced with one of delight and then anger.

The sound of laughter and conversation floated towards the two men as they stood listening.

"But if that's your ideal man … … … you are with … … … short an' fair haired?"

"Jesse is just … … me, besides, I don't … … … with an ideal … all that pampering … … ing, I'd never get in the bathroom." 

The half heard conversation dissolved into giggles and then Steve and Jesse saw the two women and the stroller appear round the corner, Jo and Rae obviously had no idea they had caused major problems and were walking leisurely back towards Rae's house, as smiling and relaxed as Steve had seen them in a long while. Jesse however, didn't notice any of that.

"Rae!"

Steve saw both women jump and do a double take, then Rae looked at her friend with a puzzled expression and he could see that they increased their walking pace a little. Rae was still not a quick walker, and even after speeding up she wasn't moving fast enough for Jesse and before Steve could stop him his friend was storming down the sidewalk towards his wife.

"Where have you been? I've been worried sick!" 

Steve couldn't help but smile; he could hear his own mother in his mind calling out those very words when either he or Carol came home late. For a moment the smile faded, when he married Jo neither his mom or his sister would be there to see it, the sadness was a deep heavy weight, but he didn't have time to work it through at the moment and so he put the images of the two beautiful women to the back of his mind and turned to the scene in front of him. The very angry young man was now pushing the stroller and walking towards him far too fast for Rae to keep up, or perhaps she had decided not to try, that would be in character for her.  

As Jesse came past Steve he didn't even look up but just kept pushing the stroller and walked straight in through the front door. Jo and Rae came up behind him, the relaxed happy atmosphere gone, one of anxiety and bemusement in its place. Steve put his hand on Jo's arm, "Honey, I think we should go."

Jo nodded her agreement and turned to her friend. "Rae, I have no idea what caused that, but if it was me then I'm real sorry. Give me a call when you have a minute but we'll see each other at the beach house anyway. Oh, an' I hope the meal goes all right tonight. You take care, y'hear?" Jo kissed Rae on the cheek, and moved away, then with a cheeky grin she turned, "Look out for the tall, dark an' handsome ones, I hear they're wicked!"

Rae stuck her tongue out at Texas, and then with a big sigh she turned and entered the house, knowing that for some reason she couldn't fathom she was in big trouble.

Jo and Steve walked over to their cars and then as he was about to get in Steve felt Jo's hand on his shoulder. "Honey, whatever happened? Why are you here? An' what is wrong with Jesse?"

"I had to go to Community General to pick up a report from Amanda, and I called in to see Jesse, just to find out what happened last night, anyway he called to see if you and Rae had made up, and there was no reply…"

"An' he panicked, an' made you drive him over, siren blarin', lights flashin' an' when you got here she wasn't where she was supposed to be, neither was I, nor Eliana, an' he panicked."

"That's about the size of it. I knew he was still worried about Rae, but I didn't realise quite how paranoid about it he was."

Jo smiled at him, she could understand Jesse's reaction completely, but she could also see that it was over the top, and it began, slowly, to put her own doubts into perspective.

"I guess you have to go back to work now?"

"I do, but I am going to try to get that day off, soon as I get in I'm gonna go see the Captain, and do what Rae calls her dying swan impersonation, think that will do the trick?"

"Do you want to get the day off, or be sent for psychoanalysis?"

"Oh, ha, ha… Just ask, huh?"

"Mm, darlin' I would say just askin' would be your best bet, now go to work, or he will say you already had a day off." Jo stood on tip toes and kissed Steve gently on the tip of the nose, but as she started to move away she felt his hand go into her hair, and she began to get a proper goodbye kiss. When Steve pulled back Jo smiled at him. "I tell you what, you could spend the whole day leavin' to go to work, comin' back an leavin' again, then I could have me some more of that sugar!"

Steve pecked her gently on the cheek and then climbed into his car; she saw him wince as he sat down but decided not to mention it. He waved his hand and then drew away from the kerb. Jo turned and walked the few steps back towards her own car, as she did so she heard Rae's raised voice coming out of the open kitchen window, and hurriedly climbing in and putting her seatbelt on, she followed her husband-to-be out of the main gates.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"What were you thinking just going off like that? Anything could have happened. I can't believe you would leave our daughter so open to danger."

"Jesse, I went to the gatehouse to get a package, not the middle of downtown Baghdad."

Rae was trying very hard to keep her voice down to a normal level so she didn't upset her daughter who was still sitting in her stroller looking up at first her mommy and then her daddy, depending upon who was speaking.

"But you didn't call, or leave a note to say where you'd gone." Jesse's voice took on an almost spoilt quality, and he turned away for an instant, not wanting to give that impression.

"Jesse, for goodness sake, I went to the gatehouse."

"I know, you said that, but then where did you go? You weren't here when I called, and you still weren't here when I arrived with Steve, that is way longer than it takes to get a package."

"Ok, not that it is any of your business where I went, but anyway, I took Eliana to the green. Texas pushed the stroller, and I walked along side, we chatted about this and that and enjoyed the sunshine. I realised that I couldn't remember the last time I had been for a walk with my daughter and so I decided that I didn't want to come straight in when I had picked up the envelope from the guard, so we kept on walking, and when we got to the benches we sat for a while, Eliana played on the grass and Texas and I discussed the attributes we would want in an ideal man. Possessiveness was not one of the ones I chose." Rae had been speaking quietly, but her voice was raised as she threw the last words at her husband and turned to leave the room.

Jesse reached out and grabbed her by the arm and was horrified when she shied away from him. His anger was instantly forgotten and he moved closer to her, seeing only the fear in her eyes.

"Rae? Honey, what's wrong? My God, you didn't think I was gonna hit you, did you?" Jesse looked at Rae, hoping to reassure her, and he remembered how beaten and abused she had been at the hands of that animal, Phillip Levington, who had stalked, terrorised and finally kidnapped her. "I would never, ever hurt you, Rae, you know that don't you?"

"What? No, I mean yes, Jess, I'm sorry; I guess it was just a reaction to when, when I was with him." Rae shuddered and felt Jesse pull her into his arms. "I know you care for me, Jesse, and you only came hurtling home because you were worried for me, but I'm fine, please, let me live my life, how I want to, not how you want me to, I can't cope with this cosseting."

Jesse let go of her and looked at her. "I love you, Rae, I can't imagine my life without you, and trust me I've tried, because I've come so close to losing you, promise me you will take your cell phone with you everywhere you go, then I can always reach you."

"Jess, I do, you know that, but right now it's in the kitchen charging up. Once it's finished I will put it back in my pocket."

Jesse checked his watch and with a sigh realised that he had to leave. "Honey, I have to get back to the hospital, promise me you will stay here for the rest of the day, I can take Eliana to Sally …"

"No! Jesse, don't you dare! I don't need to be treated like this, I can look after her and do all the other things I have planned and they will all be done before Alex and Shannon arrive, now go, before I really lose my temper!"

Jesse looked at his wife and knew that he had no chance of getting anything changed right now, but he knew that things had to be done to make sure that she was safe at all times, and he would be the one to do them. "Ok, but you stay in the house, I'll lock the door on the way out and you stay in here."

"Oh, so now you're gonna hold me prisoner in my own home? What makes you any different from Levington then, Jesse? Maybe you would like to tie me down too, so you know exactly where I am? Just go, Jess, and you can think yourself lucky if I haven't had the locks changed by the time you get home." Rae turned away from him, she was so angry that she couldn't speak anymore, her hands were in painfully tight fists and she could feel the tears just behind her eyes, but she knew that they were tears of rage, and they would do her no good if she let them loose.

Jesse face reflected his horror as he watched his wife as she stood, her back to him, and he could see from her body language that she was struggling to keep herself under control, but she wasn't the only one. He hoped that she didn't realise the pain her words had caused him, how could she compare him to that, that man. Surely, she wouldn't have said those things to wound him, she loved him too much for that, didn't she?  For a moment Jesse could neither think nor breathe, but then he managed to swallow down his almost overwhelming anger and fear and he looked over at Rae once again. Her shoulders were tense, and he thought that would be causing her extra pain, and he saw her right hand balled into a tight fist. He knew that he had gone too far, but so had she, and they would need to discuss what had happened but now wasn't the time, he had responsibilities, and he had to get back to the hospital. Without another word he turned and left the house, locking the door as he had said he would, and then he realised that he had another problem.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve stood, a folder of, even for their precinct, gory details in his hand and waited for the Captain to give him permission to enter his office. Steve could see that his boss was on the phone, but he knew that if he went back to his desk to wait he may never get to speak with him. Finally the receiver was replaced and Captain Newman looked up.

"Come in, Sloan, and shut the door behind you. What do you have for me, information on the drive by or more on your musical loving nutcase?"

"I have nothing more on the drive by yet, Sir. I sent the partial plate details down to the auto guys and they sent me back a list of names and addresses. Ben Chapman and Sam Yip are working on them this morning, but I haven't heard from them, so I'm guessing they don't have anything to report as yet."

"You would have body parts for me then, Lieutenant? I read your report from last night; I think a health warning on the front might have been in order."

"Yes, Sir, I'm sorry, Sir." Steve closed his eyes for a second as he thought back to the previous evening.

"Steve, are you all right? Finding something like that, well, it would be a shock to any man." Newman looked across the desk at the tall man before him. He was his most experienced detective, and he had a feeling that had the jar been found in anybody else's vehicle, that person wouldn't have been at work the following day. He knew it was a tribute to his officer's character and determination that he was standing before him, albeit a little pale, right now.

"Yes, Sir, and you're right, it was a shock, but I have to put that aside, and just find the guy who is doing this."

"You're sure it's a man?"

"Sir?" Steve looked at his Captain. The idea of S. Todd being a woman hadn't occurred to him.

"I don't know that I would have thought of it if your shooter hadn't been a woman, but it could be, couldn't it?"

"I guess so. I hadn't thought of it either. No, nothing so far indicates that it is definitely a man but, well …"

"Somehow it would be even worse if it was a woman?" Captain Newman smiled at his officer, the world of crime hadn't made it into the age of sexual equality yet, certain offences were committed by men, others by women, and the line was seldom crossed.

"Yeah, and trust me whoever did this, it's bad, it's a long time since I had a case like this, and I don't ever want another one."

"So, what does your dad say about it, and Reagan?" 

"Ah, um, well, Dad was the one who worked out that S. Todd was Sweeney Todd, Sir." Steve was a little flabbergasted. He knew that his boss was aware of the fact that he shared his information with his father, they had worked together, the three of them on numerous occasions, but the captain didn't normally mention it, and as for Rae, well, he hardly ever mentioned Rae when she wasn't working.

"Lieutenant, if you didn't share your case information with your father I would think you were coming down with something, and Reagan is your partner, I realise that she is on extended medical leave at present, but she is still your official partner, and once again I would be more surprised if you didn't share these things with her… How is she by the way?"

"Better than she was, Sir." Steve wondered fleetingly who had come off worse in the argument that was sure to have followed his visit to the Travis household that morning. "She's planning to go to a rehab centre up near San Fran for about a month, they specialize in the type of shoulder injuries that she has. I know that she still wants to come back to work, and, well, I want her back too, Sir."

"I'm sure you do and I would suggest you go and talk to her about all of this before she heads off into the far reaches of the state. You may go, Lieutenant."

"Ah, Sir, before I do, could I just ask you something?"

"Yes, Sloan, what is it?" the Captain looked back up at his officer; he usually knew when a meeting was over without being asked to leave, so he obviously had something else on his mind.

"I wondered, Sir, I know we are … short staffed, but, could I take Monday off? I have plenty of leave accumulated, and Jo and I … well we're …"

"Yes, that'll be fine. Make sure that the new officer on the desk knows that you won't be in, and keep your cell turned on, just in case another body part turns up, or the location of your shooter is determined. No one will contact you for any other reason. Now, Lieutenant, if you don't mind…" 

"Yes, Sir, thank you, Sir." Steve left the room with a grin spread across his face, and headed straight for his desk and the phone, he picked it up and dialled the number which had become so familiar to him, and was, he guessed, really his own home number. As he waited for Michael to answer Steve thought about his captain. He had been on the receiving end of his temper a few times, and he had thought him unreasonable and boneheaded too, but there had been no problem with his request, Steve knew that it was a difficult job, and Captain Newman carried it out better than most.

"Walters's residence, how may I help you?"

"Michael, hi it's Steve, listen, I have a favour to ask you…"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It took Jesse almost an hour to get back to the hospital. He had realised, once he had locked the door, that his car was still in Community General's parking lot, and he had no intention of going back into the house so he had waited for a cab at the gatehouse, now he was taking a young man with what looked like two broken fingers into trauma three, hoping that he got him to the waiting chair before he passed out.

"You could have stayed on the gurney you know."

"Yeah, man, but they're so for girls."

"Put your head down for a moment, that'll help." Jesse moved across to get a pair of gloves on, trying unsuccessfully to smother the smile on his face as he did so. "Um, how did you hurt your hand, Mr. Watson?"

"I was working in my garage, and well, the wheels just started to move, man, and my fingers were like inside the spokes." The words were a little muffled so Jesse knew his instructions had been obeyed.

"You have a motorbike, what sort? How powerful?"

"No, pedal power, man, no damage to the ozone layer."

"You broke your fingers on a bike?"

"Broken, oh man, I guess there will be no band practice for the next couple of weeks then?"

"No, I wouldn't think so. Now, I want you to sit in a wheelchair while you are taken to x-ray, and they will look at your fingers and deal with whatever treatment you need, have a nice day, Mr. Watson."

"Yeah, you too, man."

Jesse moved out into the hallway and indicated for a nurse to come and remove his patient, then he went to the young lady on duty at the reception desk for the ER. "Do you have any patients hiding away anywhere, or is it still quiet?"

"No, Doctor Travis, it's still quiet, but I'm sure that it will liven up soon, I'm due to finish in an hour, so, ooh about fifty minutes time it should be real busy all of a sudden."

"I'll be in the doctor's lounge if you need me; I just have to make a call."

"Yes, Doctor."  

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had been looking through missing person files for almost three hours when his phone finally rang and he was able to give himself a couple of minutes break. "Sloan here… hi, Dad… yeah, I can do that it's not a problem, see you later." As he put the phone down Steve's attention was caught by a picture in a file and he pulled himself back to the task at hand. He hated missing person files; they invariably left him feeling depressed and helpless. Some days he felt that he was doing his job to the best of his ability, and then others, like today, he knew that however hard he worked, however hard they all worked, they would never clear every case, or find every person, return every stolen item, it was unrealistic to believe that they would be in a position to clear all their cases, but when he looked at these folders he felt that they weren't even making a dent in the despair victims of crime felt, three hours, and he still hadn't seen anybody he knew, and he couldn't think of anybody that he hadn't seen or heard of in a while.

By the time he was ready to go home Steve had listed seventy-eight people who could be possible victims of his Mr/Mrs Todd. Steve shuddered, he still couldn't believe that it was a woman cutting pieces off a live victim and then leaving him genitalia in a jar. Steve had photo copied all of the notes on both the drive by and the body parts cases and he planned to drop one set off to Rae and the other was for his dad. With relief he realised that when he arrived home tonight he would have just himself and Jo to worry about until they went to the beach house, and then they could all relax together.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had finished making the shepherds pie and had prepared a salad, and then she had sat for a while regaining her strength. Eliana was in her playpen, with her favourite toys around her, and she was happily playing her own little games. Rae could tell that she was getting sleepy and knew that it wouldn't be long before she would curl up and have a nap right there amongst all her things. Rae had placed her hands on her stomach, it was no longer flat, but nobody apart from maybe Jesse and herself, would know that she was pregnant unless she chose to tell them. After about half an hour she picked up the envelope that had caused all the problems that morning, and carefully opened it. She had the process down to a fine art now, and it didn't take her nearly as long as it used to. Inside it were booklets and brochures from The Willows, and after checking to see that Eliana was, as she had thought, fast asleep Rae spent some time making herself comfortable on the sofa and then she began to read.

"Mama, aii." She had been reading for just over an hour when Eliana's voice broke into Rae's thoughts and she looked up to see her little girl peering at her through the bars of her play area.

"Hi, Sweetie, did you have a nice sleep in there?" Rae watched as the little girl picked up a block and threw it out into the room. "No, Honey, don't do that," Rae moved across and picked up the brick and handed it back to her.  "Ta."

"Ah." Eliana picked up the soggy giraffe and it followed the block out of the playpen, but this time instead of throwing it the child pushed it through the bars.

"Ok, I see, this is how it's gonna be is it?" Rae carefully undid one of the pen's side clasps and then another, lowered the bars and sat herself down on the carpet. Her daughter moved across towards her, and Rae smiled as she picked up her giraffe and began to suck on a leg. Then with a loud squeal she threw it with all her might. 

After handing the toy back to be thrown again, they enjoyed the game for a while, but then Eliana tired of that and looked round for something else. Rae watched her, and saw her eyes travel around the room looking for anything to play with, there were no longer any ornaments or things of value at Eliana's level, and after a moment or two her eyes returned to her toys and she headed back into the pen. Sitting in the middle of the plastic mat she began to pick up the blocks and throw them once more, and so Rae moved over, slowly picked them all up and once she had sat carefully on the carpet Rae began to build a small tower. For a minute the little girl sat and watched what her mother was doing, but then she moved back onto the carpet herself and with another squeal she knocked the tower to the floor.

Rae laughed, and then she began building the tower up once again, this time she only got to three bricks before it tumbled amid the laughter of them both. The games lasted all afternoon, and the time was special for mother and child, Rae learnt a great deal about her daughter, and the little girl watched and learnt and loved. By the time she was fed up of the game with the blocks Rae could see that she was thinking about trying to stack them herself, although she didn't know how to accomplish it. 

Rae had her daughter snuggled up in her arms reading her a story when Jesse arrived home, and for a while he stood in the doorway and listened as she told her about a very hungry caterpillar, and when Rae said that he turned into a beautiful butterfly Jesse heard Eliana squeal with delight and saw Rae tickle her nose. He didn't want to break the spell of the two most precious things in his life sitting there together, but suddenly his daughter saw him, and she broke it for him and made his heart sing at the same time.

"Dada, dada aii!" She began to struggle to get away from Rae's grip and she gently and slowly placed Eliana on the carpet and then smiled as she watched her little pudgy legs crawl across the carpet to her daddy. Jesse bent down and picked her up, swinging her in an arc so that her legs swung free, and she shrieked with laughter.

"Hey, Baby, how are you? Did you miss Daddy?" He pulled her close to him and hugged her tight. For a moment they were as one, and then Eliana began to struggle and she put her hand into his hair and pulled it, hard. "No, Eliana, no. That's naughty." His voice was stern, but he didn't want to spoil the moment, and he found his fingers running up and down her leg and she began to giggle again.

"Jesse, I didn't realise the time, I had better get her bathed and ready for bed. I know Alex will want to see her, but it will be easier to put her down if she is cozy and warm beforehand."

"Ok, you go run it, I'll get her undressed." The two of them went down to the bathroom together, and as the water poured into the bath Rae could hear her husband as he played with Eliana's toes, and carefully took her out of the dungarees and sweater she had on.

Rae put a blue whale into the water and dunked it under the surface. There was a circle on its back with plus and minus signs on it and ok. When she let it bob back to the surface it showed a plus sign so Rae put some more cold in. By the time Jesse came in the whale was ok, and he gently lowered his daughter into the water. She instantly began to splash her feet and then slap her hands on the surface of the water. Her face was alight with pleasure, and she looked round at her parents and laughed.

Rae felt Jesse's hand search out her own, and she grasped it tightly. She looked into his face, and smiled. "Jesse, I'm sorry I frightened you, I didn't mean too, and I was wrong, I should have called. But you over reacted, you have to realise that."

"Rae, I don't want to go through it all again, Alex will be here soon, and now isn't the time, but you are a public figure, whether you like it or not, and, also whether you like it or not, you cannot defend yourself or Eliana right now. If someone decided to take you and Jo today, you couldn't have done anything about it."

"No, Jesse, you're wrong, if someone had tried to take my daughter I would have fought, with everything that I had. I saw her taken from me once… I won't let it happen again." Rae turned away, but not before Jesse saw the tears in her eyes.

"But you don't have the physical strength you used to have, nor the mobility."

"And it wouldn't make any difference. I would still fight. Do you think I would care if it hurt? If Eliana was in danger, the pain wouldn't matter to me."

"Rae, don't let us have to put it to the test, ok? Be careful; stay home unless someone can take you out."

"Someone did take me out, Texas was with me, but that wasn't good enough for you was it?"

"Rae, she is one of the richest Texan's alive, do you think people wouldn't be after her too?"

"Jesse, just leave it, ok? You are getting a serious complex about this. Maybe you should go see Lauren while I'm at The Willows, because you sound to me like you could do with some help." Rae moved her hand out of Jesse's and then carefully knelt down by the tub. She put her right hand in the water and rested the brace covered left arm on the rim and she gently splashed Eliana with the cooling water. "We need to take her out, or she'll get cold, do you want to just give her a quick wash, and I'll go get her some night clothes."

"Yeah, whatever you say." Jesse nodded his head and Rae stood back up. She let out a gasp as the pushing movement caused pain to travel up her right arm, but she wouldn't let Jesse touch her.

With a sigh Jesse washed his daughter. He couldn't understand why Rae seemed so intent on hurting him and once again shutting him out of her life.  "I only want to help Mommy, but she is just so stubborn and so independent, when I first met her I just loved that about her, but now, now it drives me nuts. Honey, I don't want you to be a doormat, but give us guys a bit of a chance, huh?"

"Aii, dada, aii." Eliana smiled up at him, totally besotted and oblivious at the same time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had changed her clothes, laid the table and switched the oven on when she heard the ring of the security phone and made her way down the hallway to answer it. "Hello? … Oh, lovely, thank you." She opened the door and watched as Steve's car drew up. Then she smiled as he climbed out of the driver's side, picked up something from the front seat and headed towards her.

"Hey, partner, you look nice, are you going out?"

"No, Alex and Shannon are coming for dinner, which I made all by myself." Rae smiled, she knew it was silly but she was very pleased with her shepherd's pie. They walked into the living room together as they were talking, and as they both sat down on the sofa Steve turned to face her.

"I have some stuff for you, on the drive bys and the body parts case. I know you're heading off to The Willows soon, I hope you'll have time to take it with you and read through it all, let me know what you think. I need your help on these, Rae, please." Rae's face lit up and he knew that he had said the right thing. 

"I don't know when I'm going yet, but of course, as long as the Captain doesn't mind." Rae became silent for a moment.

"Rae, he suggested it to me, although I would have done it anyway. Honey, what's the matter, is it what happened this morning?"

"No, no, it's not. Steve, I think I'm gonna have to sue the City; at least I think it's the City, or the prison service, or whatever you call it. I'll need to speak with Mr. Sholte tomorrow. I don't think my insurance will cover the treatment at The Willows, but I know I won't ever get back to work without going there first."

"You have a case, you know that don't you? And it's the Department of Corrections. You should have been on lock down the entire time you were there. You definitely shouldn't have had your meals with the other inmates, and if that hadn't happened you wouldn't have gotten hurt. Also, the guard left you unattended at the hospital, and you were injured there too, I think you have a case in both places."

"Oh, that's just great. I can sue the City, which I happen to work for over one set of injuries, and then the hospital, where my husband happens to work for the other set. How to win friends and influence people."

"Rae, listen, in neither instance is anybody gonna take it personally, and if they do, then it's their problem, but you have to sue. Especially if you are gonna need the money for The Willows." Steve paused for a moment, but then began to speak again. "You know you only have to ask don't you, I realise it's not my money, and I wouldn't presume to spend it, but you're Jo's best friend she would gladly pay for your treatment, you could pay her back later."

"Thank you, Steve; I hope it won't come to that. I think I can pay for some things, some I might get through my insurance provider, but others I definitely can't. Now, let's move into the other room and see what you have here."

Steve had just spread all the information out on the kitchen table when he heard a noise and felt his pants leg being pulled. He looked down to see his goddaughter trying to pull herself to a standing position on his leg. "Hey, Sweetie, how are you?" He went to pick her up but Jesse stopped him.

"Steve, wait, she's never done this before." The three friends watched as the little girl pulled at the material and gradually her legs began to straighten for a moment, she wavered in position and then gravity took over and she landed back on her bottom with a 'phwwwt' as the air was expelled from her diaper. The look of concentration was replaced with one of shock and as she began to cry Steve leant down and placed a hand either side of her and picked her up.

"Hi, Baby, how's my beautiful little goddaughter today then?"

The tears stopped immediately. "Aii, ah." Eliana beamed, obviously delighted with herself.

"Mmm, I guess that means something."

"It means Hi, ta." Rae's smile was almost as big as her daughter's, and she reached out slowly with her right hand and traced a finger down the soft rosy cheek of the little girl. 

The security phone rang again and with a smile Jesse left the room and answered it. Steve and Rae heard him open the front door, and a couple of minutes later Alex and Shannon came into the house. 

"Hey, Alex, we're in the kitchen." Rae called out to her friend as she heard the footsteps on the floor just outside the door.

Alex came into the room a smile on his face, Hi, Rae, Steve. Hey, Eliana, you are looking fine again." Alex smiled at his goddaughter, and realising that she had yet another audience to impress the little girl bounced up and down in her Uncle Steve's arms and smiled. "Aii, aii, ah."

Steve smiled and translated. "Hi, hi, ta. She's gonna be a professor of languages, no doubt about it."

Rae shook her head, but she was smiling. "No, first female president, or the lady who sells baby clothes in Sears, I don't care, as long as she's happy and works to her potential and is healthy. Anything else she does will be because she wants to do it, not because she has to."

"Yes, Ma'am." Steve smiled at Rae, but he knew what she was saying. His mom and dad had never pushed him, except to do his best at everything, and he knew that she and Jesse would be the same.

"Guys, I'm gonna head off, you have a delicious meal to eat, and I have one of Michael's waiting for me. Rae, I'll be in touch, but if you come up with anything earth shattering let me know, ok?" 

"I will, but I'll see you tomorrow anyway." Rae's smile grew a little larger, and she felt Jesse's hand on her shoulder. It didn't hurt and she kept still hoping he would keep it there.

Steve handed Eliana to Alex, put the papers back into the folders and then left them on the kitchen table, he kissed Eliana's cheek, said his goodbyes and left. Rae moved away from Jesse's touch and over to where Shannon was standing quietly just far enough away from Alex not to frighten the little girl.

"I'm sorry, we were rude, I didn't mean to keep you out of the conversation, come and sit down, and Jesse'll get you something to drink." Rae guided the young woman towards the sofa in the lounge as she watched her husband get some glasses.

"We, ah, we bought this for you, and this for Eliana." Shannon had brought a bag into the living room, but it was Alex who spoke.

"Alex you didn't need to bring anything with you. We just wanted to enjoy your company… Oh, my goodness, that is wonderful." 

Shannon had pulled a huge brightly coloured octopus out of the bag, and Eliana, in Alex's arms, began to jiggle about. He quickly put her on the floor and then put the toy down in front of her. The eight-legged creature was almost as big as she was when she was in the sitting position, and she launched herself at the toy, hugging it tightly as she did so.

"Oh, Alex, Shannon, what a beautiful thing, thank you." Rae and Jesse both smiled as they watched their daughter who was obviously instantly in love with the present.

"It does have a purpose. Look." Shannon moved over, smiling at Eliana as she did so, but the little girl wasn't looking at her, and so didn't mind her getting close. Alex moved round so that he would be seen by his goddaughter, and then Shannon squeezed one of the tentacles. A musical note filled the air, and Eliana looked round trying to work out where it had come from. "You can, apparently, play Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on it, but I don't think you're expected to. We just liked its face."

"I think you have a hit, whatever she decides to do with the legs, and knowing her it will involve sucking them and making them wet. Sweetie, you are gonna have to go to bed in a minute." Jesse began to move the octopus away from his daughter, and her face began to crumple, and then she began to cry. He leant over and picked up the soggy giraffe and the octopus was instantly forgotten as Eliana let go of it and reached up for her favourite toy.

Jesse held the little girl while everybody kissed her goodnight, and then he took her down to the nursery. By the time he returned conversation was light and flowing in the living room, a bottle of red wine was sitting on the table, which Jesse guessed correctly was the other gift from Alex and Shannon, and the buzzer was going off to show that the dinner was ready.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

When Steve arrived home the house was in semi darkness and he realised that, with his dad already at the beach house, Jo would be in the morning room at the back of the house. As he usually did, Steve let himself in through the laundry room and into the kitchen. There was no note on the counter, and so guessing that he had managed to arrive home before dinner he headed to where he knew Jo would be.

"Hi, Honey, you're just in time, Michael has popped upstairs, but the dinner is almost ready, be about ten minutes."

"I'll just sort these files out and go wash then." Steve kissed Jo gently on the lips, and then he headed for the stairs, once he reached the bedroom he put his work down on the dressing table and for a minute he flopped down on the bed and shut his eyes. He felt better for knowing that both his dad and Rae were going to look over his cases, and he knew that if Rae saw them then Jesse would too, and that his dad would show Amanda. With a sigh he got up and stripping off his clothes decided on a quick shower before dinner.  He was only in there for a couple of minutes before he returned to the bedroom. For a moment he sat on the bed, a contented smile on his face. His workload might be stressful and getting him down, but this was home, and he loved it.


	16. Busman's Holiday

**Busman's Holiday**

"This is just beautiful isn't it?" Shannon looked across at her boyfriend, and smiled at him. 

"Oh, yeah, and the beach is nice too." 

Shannon realised that Alex wasn't actually looking anywhere but at her, and she blushed. They hadn't been together very long, and his comments still had the ability to embarrass her. "Thank you." She lowered her eyes, not realising, that for Alex, that made her all the more beautiful and desirable.

"You know, I feel so at home here, I love to walk along the sand, and look out at the ocean, it must be wonderful to actually live here. Think a newly qualified doctor could afford one of these places?" 

"Ah, how can I put this?" Shannon smiled at him, enjoying herself enormously. "No."

"Yeah, I thought as much, still I guess we're lucky that Doctor Sloan and Steve let us come and join them this weekend." The open house at the beach had started for Alex and Shannon just a little earlier on the Saturday morning, but already they were having a great time.

"Weren't we supposed to be walking up to the store to get some milk, cream and salad?" Shannon smiled to herself, Alex had been almost over eager to volunteer their services to get the groceries, and she knew that he had wanted to get her to himself, for just a little while. Now though she looked around her and for a moment she was completely lost. 

"See that pink house just along there a way?" Alex pointed with the hand that wasn't holding tightly to hers.

"Yeah, every little girl's dream, why?"

"Because, there is a path up to the road right by the side of it, we walk up there, and then Mr. Lewis' store is just across the way."

"Oh, so you didn't walk along the sand because it was romantic and dreamy and all that sort of thing, but because it was a quick route."

Alex smiled and then pulled her towards him, running his fingers into her almost jet black hair, and beginning to kiss her before she had a chance to even realise what he was doing. He felt her respond, and as her kisses got stronger he gently bent his knees and they sank to the sand together.

Suddenly Shannon shivered, and began to laugh, and Alex pulled back. "What, what did I do?"

"Nothing, but look around you, what do you see?"

"Sand." Alex was still puzzled, and Shannon was still giggling.

"And that is what I see too, but out of the whole beach you chose to sit me down here." Slowly she raised herself up and pulled out a huge piece of very shiny, obviously wet, seaweed.

Alex smiled, the top that Shannon was wearing didn't have very much back to it, he thought it was called a halter neck, but that might have something to do with horses, anyway whatever it was he bet her skin felt awful. Alex suddenly realised that he should have been paying attention to Shannon, and not letting his thoughts wander, as the offending item was shoved up the back of his t-shirt.

"Shannon, urgh, that feels …" Alex shuddered, and pulled at his top hoping that the cold slimy thing would fall to the ground. 

"Come on, dairy stuff, lettuce, tomatoes and scallions, otherwise the lunch will be done and we won't be back." Shannon laughed as she watched her boyfriend's obvious discomfort, and then taking pity on him pulled the seaweed out and grabbed him by the hand.

"You wouldn't last five minutes on a desert island."

"Oh, I would, if you were my girl Friday."

Shannon just smiled at him, and pulled him to his feet, and then together they moved 

off towards the pink house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

  
Steve looked out at the ocean and breathed in deeply. They hadn't been using the beach house at all while his dad was staying with them, but the idea had sort of sprung up in his father's mind that they would open it up for the weekend, and spend the time enjoying the warming weather. They could walk on the sand, even surf if they felt really energetic, and his father could see that his house was still standing. As Steve stood there he felt a hand on his shoulder and he turned to see Rae next to him.

"Hey, Partner, have you missed this?"

"Yeah, I have, I've lived here since I was eleven, but it won't be my house for much longer, and as much as I love Jo, and let's face it her house is just wonderful and it's my home now, but  this was, is, always will be, well, home too, I guess."

"You are lucky to feel that way, and to know your dad does too. You will always be welcome here, but I guess you know that. Now, would you like to come with me and see your goddaughter discover the sand for the first time?"

A smile split Steve's face and he just nodded, but then a thought occurred to him. "What about Jesse? Shouldn't we wait for him to come out?"

"He's already on the sand. Come on, you two made up, it will be ok." Rae reached over and took her partner's hand. "We have plenty of time before lunch, and Eliana will get fed up long before Alex and Shannon get back from their walk." Rae paused for a moment, and a look of anxiety crossed her face. "Steve, he will be ok won't he? It's not that long since he was stabbed, and it can be tiring walking on sand."

"Rae, neither Dad nor Jesse would have let him go if they didn't think he could cope with it, you know that. Now, sand, ok, Sweetie?" Rae had her daughter in the car seat she had travelled over in, and Steve guessed that it was too heavy for her to carry very far. Eliana was still tiny, at almost eleven months old she was about the size of an eight month old child, Steve knew that Rae was worried about it, but he also knew that she understood why she was so small. 

"Want me to carry her down?"

"Yes please, the living room to the deck is about my limit right now."

With an ease that she envied, Rae saw Steve pick up the seat, and her daughter, spotting her Uncle Steve right next to her, began to kick and make the seat rock. "Shhh, we are going to go find your daddy and then we'll see what you think of sand, ok?" Steve was instant goo as he smiled at the little girl, and then with a happy sigh he headed for the steps and moved down towards the beach.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sylvester Lewis was not having a very good day. He was definitely coming down with a really bad head cold, his milk order had been late and when it finally did arrive it had been short. So now it was eleven in the morning, he had no milk left, a black coffee he didn't want sitting in front of him, and a pounding headache. The bell on the door clanged, and he was sure that it was much louder than normal. With a barely concealed growl the store keeper looked up at the two young people who had just entered the shop.

"Hi, Mr. Lewis." Alex smiled at the man in front of him, but it turned into a frown. "Are you all right?"

"No, do I look all right? You should know, you're that young doctor fellah that visits with the Sloan's aren't you?"

"Yes, one of them. You sound as if you have a cold and maybe a fever, I don't know, but black coffee won't help it, you should have orange juice, something with lots of vitamin C in it."

"Oh yeah, now why didn't I think of that, and how much is that consultation gonna cost me?"

Alex looked over at Shannon, the store owner wasn't usually all sweetness and light, but he was normally nicer than this, he must be feeling ill.

"Ok, we'll get out of your way real quick, why don't you just shut up shop for the afternoon?" Alex heard the bell clang again as he spoke, and then another voice cut through the air.

"Yeah, old man, why don't you put up the closed sign, and then you can empty your till and your safe and we can be on our way?"

Alex spun round, and heard Shannon gasp as he did so. "Alex."

The voice belonged to a tall young man; his hair was hanging to his shoulders and looked as if it had seen neither comb nor water for a very long time. He was wearing a pair of frayed blue jeans with bleached out patches on them, a very baggy t-shirt with a yellow smiley face on the front, and he was holding a gun to the back of Shannon's head.

"Now, nobody moves, my buddy will take the money, you and your pretty girlfriend will be able to get your groceries, and we'll be gone."

Alex just nodded his head quietly. He looked at Shannon and locked eyes with her. "It'll be ok, Honey, just do as he says."

As Shannon was about to answer she saw Mr. Lewis out of the corner of her eye as he moved across behind the counter, the gunman saw it too, and the pressure on her head was removed and a loud explosion rocked the air.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Eliana was sat on the sand, her bare brown feet making little semi circular patterns. Although Rae always made sure she was protected from the Californian sun the little girl had naturally dark skin, and always looked like she had just returned from a tropical holiday. Eliana had a grin on her face, and was squeezing a handful of the grains as hard as she could. Steve, Rae and Jesse were all grinning with her, and Rae leant back against her husband and smiled at him.

"I guess it's the simple pleasures in life that are the best. It costs nothing for her to do this, and she just loves it. And when she gets a little older it will be sand castles, and burying her daddy up to his neck, wonderful stuff."

"Yeah, well it won't take long; a couple of bucketfuls and the hole will be big enough for Jess to disappear in." Steve dodged the blow that was aimed at him as he finished speaking, and laughed. 

"You know, we need to get a still of Steve and Tony next to each other and pin it up somewhere at Jo's house, from the wedding video." This time it was Jesse who moved. The way that his best friend had puffed his chest out and straightened up each time Rae's ex-husband had come near him had been a constant delight to Jesse, and he mentioned it whenever he got the chance.

Rae was just sitting enjoying the re-kindled friendship between the two men when she saw Mark and Texas on the deck, Steve's fiancée had a telephone receiver in her hand. "Steve, one of us is wanted, and as you are so obviously the tallest and can get there the quickest do you want to go see?"

Steve smiled down at her, "Yeah, I can see how it would be dark before Jess got there." He took off across the sand then, his long legs covering the distance in no time at all, and Rae chuckled to herself. In just over five minutes he was back. "Rae, that was the station on the phone, someone triggered the silent alarm at Lewis', which is where Alex and Shannon went, and we got a 911 as well, reporting a shot being fired." Steve's voice floated away, and Jesse moved instinctively to protect his wife.

"Jess, take Rae and Eliana into the house, and stay there until I get back, ok?"

"Steve we'll be fine don't worry about us." Rae was surprised at how disappointed she was, and then she saw her husband's face and knew that real life had turned on him again. Ever since she had been injured in the hospital he had been over protective of her and their daughter, and now a simple, social gathering had been turned into a police matter once more, and Rae knew that Jesse would have a problem dealing with it.

Very slowly, because her injuries prevented her from moving any other way Rae carefully got to her feet, and watched as Steve headed back towards the house, then she heard her little girl complain as Jesse picked her up from the sand and placed her back in the car seat. "Honey, will you be able to walk across the beach on your own? I don't want you to hurt yourself again."

"Jesse, it might take a while, but if I don't have to carry anything I'll be fine. Now go, take Eliana inside and I'll catch you up."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve ran through the house, stopping only to kiss Jo tenderly on the lips as he passed, and grabbing his gun and badge from his nightstand, where he had left them when he and Jo had arrived the previous evening, he headed back up the stairs and out towards his truck. Five minutes later he was pulling in next to a black and white and getting details of the situation.

He was the only detective on the scene, and took immediate command. "Ok, what have we got?"

"Two shooters in there, one with a gun to a hostage's head, there are two other hostages in there, and one shot has definitely been fired."

"Ok, have you made contact with the people inside?"

"No, Sir, not yet, I knew you were coming from just down the road, and so I decided to wait."

Lewis' Store had a gas station attached to it, but that was closed, and had been for months. The police cars, Steve's truck and an ambulance were all parked in the once empty parking lot, and the grocery store, which was positioned at right angles to the disused pumps was, for the high classed area, in a tatty state. Silvester Lewis had served his country and was a Vietnam veteran, just as Steve was, and the two men had often discussed the state of the world, or rather Silvester had discussed and Steve listened and nodded in, he hoped, all the right places. The store didn't make much money but with his pension it kept Silvester Lewis off welfare, and that was all that worried him. Steve wondered how the man was coping with having two robbers in his store, but he knew that the chances of him playing the hero were remote. He just hoped that Alex and Shannon, for he was sure it was they who were in there, didn't get foolish either. Shaking himself out of his thoughts he looked around. "Right, give me that megaphone, and let's see what we can find out." Steve took a deep breath, and then positioning himself so that he could just see in through the glass began to speak. "This is the police, release your hostages and come out with your hands up."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Alex heard the voice as it floated through the air, and although it was distorted by the megaphone he knew exactly who it was. 

"Don't say a word, golden boy, or your lady gets a bullet in the brain." The gunman had shot Mr. Lewis, or at least Alex presumed he had because the storekeeper had disappeared behind the counter when the gun went off, and he hadn't seen nor heard from him since, and Alex had no reason not to believe that Shannon wouldn't be next.

"Hey, Zeke, there is hardly any dough in this till, an' this guy is bleedin' all over my sneakers, where's the safe?"

"How the hell do I know?" Zeke began to move Shannon closer to the counter, and once again Steve's voice came into the store.

"This is the police, you can't get out of there, let your hostages go and give yourselves up." 

Pulling Shannon by the hair, Zeke changed direction and moved closer to the doorway. Making sure that he was never in the direct line of fire of any of the cops outside he began to yell. "Go to hell, pig, unless you leave we ain't."

"Arghhh." Shannon couldn't help but cry out as Zeke changed direction again and went back towards the counter.  

"Shut up." The gun was raised behind Shannon's head, and for a moment it seemed to Alex as if the world stood still, and then Zeke crashed it down against her head and she fell, lifeless, to the floor. 

"No! Shannon!" Alex went to move but heard the click of the gun and stopped dead in his tracks.

"Stay where you are, golden boy. If you want her she can come to you." And without another word he put his foot under Shannon's limp body, and lifted and pushed her across the dusty floor towards where Alex was standing, too horrified to move or say anything.

Zeke then turned his attention back to his partner in crime. "Daniel, find the damn safe and open it, this is turning in to a real drag."

"A drag, you shoot someone, knock out my girlfriend and you call it a drag?" Alex was amazed, and it showed in his voice. He crouched down, and was relieved to feel Shannon's pulse steady and strong. He had a feeling that she was probably far better off being unconscious at the moment.  "Let me go round and see to him, if he's still alive, maybe I can stop you having a murder charge hanging over your head. Although why I should bother to help you I have no idea."

"Oh yeah, golden boy, and what can you do about him anyway?"

"I am a doctor, and my name is Alex, NOT golden boy. Now move." He had no idea where he got his bravery, _or stupidity_ from, but Alex moved in front of Zeke, past Daniel, and knelt down by the side of the store owner. "Mr. Lewis, it's Alex, can you hear me?" Alex had his fingers on the man's neck, and could feel a faint but steady pulse, but he knew that he would get no reply from the wounded man. "Ok, I need to get both of them out of here, so I suggest that you two go give yourselves up, and then I can get treatment for your victims."

Alex could see that the man behind the counter with him, Daniel, was seriously considering his words, but unfortunately, he wasn't the one with the gun. He also wasn't a man, because now he was closer to him, Alex could see that he was just a boy, maybe sixteen years old. 

"You think I'm gonna give myself up, golden boy? You are dumber than you look. I shot that guy, we held up a store, they ain't gonna pat us on the head and let us go home to momma now are they?"

Alex leant back on his haunches, and his head touched the wall behind him. "No, they aren't, but I know that I would prefer to be facing time for what you've done so far, than murder. Think about it, if you give yourself up it will look way better than the cops coming in here all guns blazing, I can get this guy to the hospital, maybe even save his life, but if you stay here any longer, well, it will be murder, no doubt about that."

"Zeke?" Daniel's voice was hesitant, and he looked at Alex and then his partner in crime.

"Shut up, Danny, I'm thinking…" The room was silent for a moment, although to Alex it seemed like hours. "Ok, golden boy, if you are so smart and brave, you go to that door, and tell them that we will come out, but no shooting, and we gave ourselves up, make them realise that, we gave ourselves up." 

Alex carefully felt Silvester's pulse once more, and realised that it was a little fainter and more irregular than before. He stood up and began to move towards the door, and as he did so he felt, with horror, the muzzle of the gun as it was pressed against his neck.

"Zeke, don't." Daniel had followed Alex out from behind the counter, and his voice was shaking as he spoke.

"Shut the hell up, Danny, I know what I'm doing." Zeke moved Alex towards the door, and carefully began to turn the handle.

Steve had decided to wait just about five minutes before he called out to the two gunmen in the store, and he was just preparing himself to begin speaking again when one of the uniformed officers closer to the store waved a signal at him.

"The door is opening." Every gun in the place was raised slightly, and then Steve saw his young friend being propelled through the door.

"Hold your fire!" Steve called out through the megaphone, praying that none of his men got trigger happy. "Hold your fire… Let him go, you're out of the store, put your weapon down on the ground, and let him go."

"Cop, there is no way I'm goin' to jail, now let me through, or I will kill him."

"Zeke, no, don't, let him go, Zeke, please, let him go." Daniel's voice was full of tears, and just for a second Alex felt the man beside him hesitate, and the pressure was released slightly on his arm. Without really thinking of the results of his actions, Alex thumped his foot down on the one directly behind his own, and then hurled himself off to the left. As he hit the floor he heard gunfire echo around him, and then he rolled himself up as small as he could and waited for it to stop.

"Zeeeeeeeeeekkkke!" Daniel's voice screamed out and seemed to cut through the sound of the gunfire, and then as suddenly as the noises started there was complete silence. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Alex began to unroll himself, and he looked up into the concerned eyes of his friend. "Steve, I have to get to Shannon, he, he knocked her out with the gun butt, and Mr. Lewis he was shot, I have to get up… Steve."

"Alex, no. Listen, there has been an ambulance here the whole time, and Mr. Lewis has already been taken away, so has Shannon."

"What, but it just stopped, the gunfire just stopped."

"No, it stopped about five minutes ago, you were out cold, I didn't want you waking up in the ambulance, not knowing where Shannon was, so I made them take her and Mr Lewis first, there is another ambulance for you. Come on, let them take you and check you over."

Steve moved out of the way and Alex could see the gurney waiting for him, and with a sigh he let himself be gently placed on it, and wheeled away towards his transportation to Community General. As he got there he thought of something. "Steve?"

"Yes, Alex, what is it?" His friend was by his side almost instantly. "Zeke, and … and Daniel?"

"Zeke didn't make it, when you leapt out of the way, well … he was gunned down, but Daniel was ok. He'll be charged, and do time, but he'll be ok."

"It … it wasn't him, he …" Alex couldn't make his words work, and he shut his eyes for a second. "Steve…"

"Alex, I'll be in to see you in about an hour or so, close your eyes and let them look after you, it'll be fine, you'll see." Steve watched as the young man nodded his head, and then the gurney was put in the ambulance, and with its lights flashing and siren blaring it disappeared up PCH towards the hospital.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve knew that he had to go into the station to write up a report, but he also knew that there was a house full of people who would be anxiously waiting for news of what had happened. He pulled his truck into the space he had vacated about an hour before, climbed out and headed for the house.

Mark and Jo were sitting at the table, and Steve saw them before they saw him. His dad was playing solitaire, and by the way he was slamming the cards down on the table top he could tell it wasn't going well. Jo was talking, but he couldn't see to whom. Steve quietly opened the door, and not wanting to scare anyone, cleared his throat.

"Steve, Honey, I didn't hear you come in, an' I've been goin' to the door every five minutes too. What happened? It was Alex an' Shannon wasn't it? Are they all right …" Jo tailed off and Steve moved across and, relaxed in the presence of his friends and family, stopped her words with a kiss.

"They are both ok. Shannon was knocked unconscious by one of the gunmen, and she should be at Community General by now, Alex is on his way too. He passed out but he'll be fine. Silvester was shot in the shoulder, he lost a lot of blood, but I'm guessing he'll survive."

"And the gunmen?" It was Rae whose voice Steve heard, although he couldn't actually see her, and he realised that she was sitting on the sofa, and it had been her that Jo was talking to.

"Only one of them had a gun, and he was killed. The other one, who is only fourteen, he wasn't hurt, he's been taken to the station to wait for a social worker."

"Honey, we'll shut up here, an' I'll take Rae an' Eliana home, then your daddy an' I will go back to Michael. I'm guessin' that you will be goin' to write your report." Jo was standing with her hand in Steve's, and he could see the disappointment in her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm afraid the weekend is over before it really started. We'll do it again, once Alex and Shannon are out of the hospital, until that happened it was going great. Where's Jesse?" Steve realised, a little belatedly, that Jo had said she was going to take Rae home.

"He went into the hospital, in case Alex or Shannon needed him." It was Rae who spoke, and the relief and amazement was evident in her voice.

"He went to work, and left you here? How did you manage that?" Steve was equally incredulous.

"I quoted the Hippocratic oath!"

Steve laughed and turned to leave. "Ok, guys, I guess I'll catch up with you all again soon. Oh, Dad, you had better call Amanda, and tell her not to come." Although CJ and Dion had wanted to spend the whole weekend at the beach, their mom had insisted that until they had finished their homework they would be staying home. As they had both had sports practice the night before, Amanda had said she wouldn't be arriving until after lunch.

"Already done, Son, now go, the quicker you get to work, the quicker you get home." Mark smiled and waved as Steve left the room, still holding Jo by the hand. 

"Don't get tied down with anythin' else at the station, we can still have a nice day, an' I guess you'll be workin' tomorrow anyway, so whatever it is, will keep." Jo leant in through the truck window and kissed Steve gently on the lips.

"Ok, I'll try, but you know what that place is like, it sort of glues you to the desk for the first three or four hours."

"Three or four hours! Don't you dare!" 

"No, Ma'am, see you later." Steve chuckled to himself, and drew out into the light Saturday traffic, wondering just how long it would be before he was back with Jo again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse was assessing Shannon when Alex was brought in, and he saw Wil Collins take the young man into the trauma suite next to his own. Jesse was a little concerned that the nurse was still unconscious, and he knew that she would have a severe concussion that would require at least a week off work. The telephone number of her mother had been inside her purse, which an officer had retrieved from the scene, and Mrs. Farley was on her way to the hospital to be with her only daughter. As Jesse signed the papers for Shannon to go and have the required x-rays and tests he heard Wil raise his voice slightly through the wall.

"Alex, there is nothing you can do, or find out about Shannon until Jesse has finished checking her over. Now, if you don't lie still I will have you restrained…. That's ok, I know you're worried… Nurse, would you go and just check next door for me?"

Jesse moved to the door to stop the nurse from entering. "I'll be in to see Doctor Collins in just a moment; could you please tell him that?"

"Yes, Doctor." The nurse, who Jesse had a feeling was one of Shannon's friends, nodded and then paused. "How **_is_** she, Doctor Travis?"

"She's ok, once I have spoken with her mother, then I can tell you more." Jesse and the nurse moved to one side as two orderlies came to take the gurney towards the elevator. As they did so the doors opened and a slightly older version of Shannon raced out.

Jesse moved to intercept the obviously worried mother. "Mrs Farley? I'm Doctor Travis. Your daughter is just going for some tests, won't you sit down?"

"Can I go with her? I need to go with her." Debbie Farley tried to move away from Jesse, but he shook his head and she stopped.

"No, not really. As soon as they have finished with your daughter she will be admitted, and then you can go see her, sit with her, and stay for as long as you like, but for now, there is an extremely agitated young doctor in trauma two, who is causing a whole lot of problems because he doesn't know how his girlfriend is. If you could just wait a moment or two, I will tell the both of you together."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

An hour later Shannon was tucked up in a private room, her mother by her bedside, and Alex was in a room just across the hallway. His heart rate had been very irregular, and Wil, worried by the closeness of the attack to his recent brush with death had decided that there was no way he could let him go home. Alex had been secretly relieved that he didn't have to return to his apartment with no one for company except Kira, so he hadn't argued, and now he was lying, his head resting back onto cool, crisp pillows, and he could feel himself begin to relax a little. There was a knock on the door and opening his eyes, Alex saw Steve standing there.

"Hey, Alex, how are you feeling?" Steve was glad to see that his friend, at least, had some colour back in his cheeks, and a small smile on his face.

"Not too bad, I'm worried about Shannon, but Debbie promised me she would tell me when she comes round, and I know that she has stirred, so it shouldn't be long… Steve, I need to talk to you about Daniel."

"Daniel?"

"The young man in the store." Alex looked at his friend, and waited for some reaction.

"Oh, him." Steve's tone was short and curt, and Alex knew that he wasn't going to really like what he had to say.

"I don't think that it was his fault what happened, not any of it."

"Alex, Silvester Lewis is in the OR right now, and they don't know if they will be able to save his arm. He got through 'Nam, physically, I don't think any of us did mentally." Steve's voice had lowered, but he spoke up again. "And then some punk kid shatters his shoulder socket so bad that they don't think anything will put it back together. You are lying in a hospital bed instead of on a beach, and so is your girlfriend, so don't tell me it wasn't his fault!" Steve realised that he was shouting, and moved a little further into the room so as not to disturb any other patients.

"Steve, hold on. He didn't do anything. Zeke shot Mr. Lewis, he knocked Shannon out, and he had just as much hold over Daniel as he did me. All Daniel wanted was for Zeke to give himself up so they could get out of there. He told him that there was no money in the till. I saw it, Steve, there was plenty in there. He didn't want to do it. Steve, this could ruin his whole life, any chance he has could be taken away from him, and he could end up like Zeke, dead at … at however old he was."

"Nineteen, and Daniel is fourteen." Steve's voice was quiet once again. "Ok, Alex, I'll see what I can do."

"I don't know what Zeke had over him, but there must have been something." Alex shook his head. There had been fear in the young boy's eyes, but something more, he just couldn't remember what.

"They were cousins. That might have something to do with it. I'll keep an eye on what happens to him for you, will that be a start?"

"Yeah, thanks, Steve." Alex was about to say something else, when he saw Debbie standing behind his friend. "Debbie, is she?" He couldn't continue, suddenly his throat constricted, and he was scared to ask.

"Yes, Alex, she is conscious, doesn't want her mom at all, just you. I told her that you had to stay in bed, so she said to say that she loves you, and will see you tomorrow." Debbie came over and placed her hand over his. "Don't worry about her, she'll be fine."

"Thank you. The doctor in me knows that, but, well, the Alex in me needed to hear it. Thank you." Alex knew he was repeating himself, but he didn't care. With a sigh he put his head back on the now not quite so crisp pillows and shut his eyes.  Steve looked at Shannon's mom, and with a smile each they left the room.

"Steve." Alex's voice called him back and he turned to see his friend looking straight at him. "Kira, could you go feed Kira? I know you're allergic, but by tomorrow she will be hungry and … well, dirty too." 

"Alex it's a good thing I like you! Yeah, I'll do it on my way home, whenever that will be."

"Thank you." Alex's eyes closed again, and this time Steve saw his breathing begin to deepen and he knew that in a few minutes he would be fast asleep.

Steve had visited with Jesse and picked up some of his allergy tablets, they had been given to him with a big grin and a hearty pat on the back, and Steve realised once again just how much he had missed his friend.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse had headed home once both Alex and Shannon were settled in their rooms, and Shannon had regained consciousness. It hadn't been that late, and he and Rae had spent a quietly pleasant evening together. Just after eight Eliana had begun to get sleepy, and so they had taken her to the nursery to get changed. 

"Jesse, look, and I put her into a clean set of clothes when we got home." Rae held up the small vest that their daughter had been wearing and a little pile of sand slid off it. "She had it in her nappy too."

"Where?" Jesse tried to look puzzled.

"Diaper, I know you're kidding me, you know what I mean." Eliana was now in her crib, and so Rae moved over towards her husband and kissed him tenderly on the lips. "You really missed him didn't you?"

"What, who?  Missed what … who?" This time Jesse was genuinely puzzled.

"Steve, in some ways you have been getting more and more relaxed since you and he made up. You missed him, he's your best friend, I'm glad you sorted it out."

"Yeah, me too… Look she's going straight off, guess the sea air did that for her." Jesse had pointed at the small form in her bed, and they watched together as her eyes closed, and she drifted off.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Steve had written up his report, put a call through to juvenile services to ask to be kept informed about Daniel and what happened to him, it was very late. He drove through the light traffic to Alex's apartment fed the cat, and, with almost total disbelief at what he was doing, he cleaned the litter box, and even petted the creature for a moment before locking up and heading home.

As he had thought the house was in darkness when he arrived, and once again he made his way through the laundry room and towards the stairs. As he did so he saw a pad with Jo's handwriting across it and stopped to read it. It was ten minutes before he put it back where he got it from, and as he did so he knew, without a doubt, that he couldn't go through with the wedding, there was just no way on earth he could do it.


	17. More Than Just A Job

**More Than Just a Job**

Steve lay staring at the ceiling, willing himself to sleep, but knowing that it wasn't going to work. He had tried to put it out of his mind for tonight, but for the moment he could think of nothing else. He wanted to wake Jo and sort it out right now, but he had to work out the problem for himself before he could talk it over with her. Monday they were spending the day together, just the two of them, maybe then would be the time to talk to her. 

Steve felt Jo stir in her sleep and he moved his arm so that she could cuddle up next to him. Her face was at peace, and the silk of her nightwear was cool against his body. She had on an oversized shirt in a silver grey, and as she leant up against him he felt the warmth of her skin gradually come through the material.

His mind was in turmoil. He loved her more than he had ever loved anyone. He knew that he had waited this long to be married because she was the woman he was meant to spend his life with, but he just couldn't marry her, not now, not like this. The scent that Jo used wafted over him, and for a moment his eyes filled with tears and his chest constricted. He wanted to turn and run, taking Jo with him, and never look back, but that was a coward's way out, and although he had been many things in his life, a coward was not one of them. He would face it, soon, with Jo, he would face his fears and together they would work out what to do. Feeling better for having made a decision, or at least a partial one, Steve glanced over towards the clock, and was relieved to see that it was only one in the morning; he would get a few hours sleep before he needed to head back to the station.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae and Jesse had still been together in the living room when Eliana had woken up just after midnight and hadn't dropped back to sleep until the clock in the hallway struck two, Rae had made her way into her bedroom too tired almost to even get undressed.

"Honey, let me do that for you tonight. I know you can do it, but you are almost asleep on your feet and I can have you in bed in about two minutes."

"Thank you, Jesse; I don't think I even have the energy to argue with you." She had stood there and let Jesse do as he had offered, and true to his word she was in bed in a couple of minutes. Rae carefully made herself comfortable and Jesse pulled the covers up over her and knew that she would be asleep before she even had a chance to kiss him goodnight. 

Jesse lay looking at her for a long time, the moon was shining brightly through the curtains and it lit up her face. Rae's hair was short and spiky, but he knew that if he ran his hand across it he would feel it soft against his fingers.  They still hadn't talked about what had happened in the week, but he needed to tell her that she had hurt him; although he had a feeling she had no idea just how much. To be compared to that, that animal, and in such a venomous way, even now the tears stung his eyes as he thought about it and he knew that they needed to clear the air between them before she went to San Francisco. As he laid there he saw a frown cross her features, and he gently placed his hand on her shoulder.

"No, please … please, don't." Rae was in her own home, but something was wrong, everywhere she tried to go there was a barrier to stop her. She could see Eliana, she was playing happily in the living room but Jesse wouldn't let her go to her. '_Danger, you put our daughter in danger.'_ "No, Jesse, I love her, please…" His hands came up in front of her and she flinched. Crying out as she did so.

"No, God, No!"

Jesse took his wife in his arms, as nightmares went he knew it was short, and she was already out of it, but it had taken a toll on her, and she was shaking in his arms. "Honey, it's ok, it's over, it's all over." He knew that she was awake, but wasn't surprised that she didn't answer. Gently he rocked her until her breathing became deep and even, and then, finally giving in to the temptation, he stroked her soft silky hair as he lay her back on the pillow and let her sleep. He was surprised that the nightmare had come now and not when they'd had their argument, but he guessed that maybe because she was relaxed it had found its way to the surface a little more easily.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae and Jesse heard their daughter begin to chat to her soft dolly just after eight o'clock, and although both of them groaned they knew that they were lucky to have slept as late as they had. "What are you planning to do today, Jess? You don't have to work for three days do you?"

"Oh yeah, three days, bliss." Jesse smiled a contented smile; it would be good to be home.

 "We need to talk, really talk about things, and I have to go see Gilbert, I have an appointment with him this afternoon, I also have files to go through for Steve, I would like to do those today sometime, and I want to go to the garden centre. I also need to go shopping to get some comfy clothes for The Willows, but I thought I'd ask Texas to go with me maybe Tuesday and you can look after Eliana."

"Mmm, shopping or staying home with my little girl, decisions, decisions. Can I get my secretary to call your secretary on that?"

"You can, but I may be out of town by then. Of course, Sally could always look after her and you could come clothes shopping with me, we do pay her a retainer after all."

"Ha, ha. Funny lady. No, I think Eliana and I could do some gardening, she enjoyed being at the beach yesterday, it will be nice for her to get some air again."

Rae didn't say anything, but she filed away what he had said. Maybe after all he would relax and let them all have a life outside these four walls. With a smile Rae just nodded and carefully climbed out of bed, she headed towards the bathroom as her husband went out of the door and down the hallway to get Eliana from her crib. 

Half an hour later the three of them were sitting at the breakfast table, Jesse was eating toast and reading the paper, Eliana was slowly killing a banana and Rae had a page from the drive by murders in her hand, and was deep in concentration. The phone rang on the wall beside her, and without thinking Rae moved her right hand and picked it up. "Detective Yeager…. Sorry, Travis residence … Hi, Texas… no, I thought I'd go see them later this morning … Oh, ok, I'll leave it today then. You take care, bye now." Rae shut off the phone and put the cordless part on the table. "That was Texas, she asked if we were gonna go see Alex, apparently Mark is going in and then he'll be discharged, so I guess we'll go see him at home."

"Detective Yeager, I guess you do miss it don't you?" Jesse looked at her and could see the guilt in her eyes.

"Oh yeah, like you wouldn't believe. Jesse, I know you would like me to be a stay at home mom, but I'm never gonna be. I couldn't do it in London and I can't do it here. I won't be on the streets until this little one is born." Rae paused as she placed her right hand gently on her stomach. "But if I am passed fit, I will go back, you know that don't you?"

Jesse put his paper down and nodded his head. "Yeah, I know, and the part of me that loves you, just for you, wants you to do that. But the other part, the part that sees you as our children's mother and my wife, wants you to stay home, to be safe and sound and there for them, for me. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am."

"I know, and I wouldn't want you any other way, as long as you can let me carry on doing it, I will make sure I come home each night and be where I am supposed to be."

"I know you believe that, but there is always someone out there who needs to make a quick exit, or get even, or just feels like blowing away a cop and that cop could be you. You can't plan for that, no one can."

"I know that, and I am careful, I always have been, but, and it is a big but, if you are meant to die one day it'll happen, however careful you are. I have always believed that. Until that day comes for me I will live my life to the best of my ability, help all those I can along the way, and love my family. I can't do anything else, because I was raised that way, and I have always lived like that." Rae had put the piece of paper down, but now she picked it back up. "I was raised that way."

"Rae?" Jesse knew that their conversation was over, and that she had moved back into the mode that made her a successful police officer, but he didn't want her to do that not yet.

"Hold on, Jesse, let me just jot this down, ok?" Rae didn't wait for a reply but got out of her chair and moved over to the hold-everything-drawer by the sink, she returned with a pencil in her left hand. Jesse watched as Rae, with her right hand holding the paper, began to slowly write. Jesse could see the letters forming, and although they were larger than normal and not as neat, the words were legible, and he could see that she had written just what she had said _I was raised that way, _then she drew a line up from that to some typed words, but Jesse couldn't make those out. That done Rae looked up and smiled. "Sorry, but it's been a long time and I need to write things down straight away or they've gone."

"That's ok. Rae, listen, I am finding this really difficult, I guess some of it is a male protection thing, I feel that you have been put in danger so many times, and I should have, on at least a couple of occasions, been able to save you and I didn't, Steve feels the same I know about Eliana being taken … but so do I." Jesse knew that he had jumped straight in but he needed to talk about this now, before his courage failed him.

"Why? Nobody could have predicted what was going to happen, we can't blame anybody for it, but we can thank Steve and Ron for getting her back for us."

Jesse took a deep breath. "I told Willis that Eliana was our daughter."

"I know, Jesse, Steve told me. Do you want to let me know what happened?"

Jesse nodded his head and began to speak, "Sally brought her into the hospital to get checked out, because she was sick… If I had stayed home with her none of what followed would have happened.  Alex was up with you; at least I think he was with you, and so Louise Willis, who was on duty, asked me to check her over. I said I couldn't… because she was my… daughter." Jesse's voice wavered and he looked at his precious child as she sat in her highchair. The banana had long since disappeared, but the pieces of apple that he had cut up to go with it were still being devoured. "It was my fault. She wouldn't have known who she was if it hadn't been for me… and she wouldn't have been… taken. Oh, God." Jesse, his hand over his mouth, turned away, not wanting his child to see his tears, even though he knew she wouldn't understand.

Rae quietly pushed her chair back and stood up. She kissed her daughter on the top of the head as she passed and then she placed her hand on Jesse's shoulder and he wrapped his arms around her and began to cry, harder and more deeply, as he let the feelings of guilt he had been carrying finally come to the surface. Rae put her right arm around his back and she felt his tears soak through the material of her t shirt. Jesse's head was resting on the top of where her bump would be, and she gently rubbed her hand over his back, feeling the tight muscles underneath her fingers.

Gradually the sobbing subsided, and Jesse turned a tear stained face up towards his wife. His eyes were red and swollen, and he had no words to express what he was feeling. "My darling, you need to pick up our daughter and go into the living room, put her in the playpen and then sit on the sofa, come on." Jesse just nodded mutely and did as he was told. Rae put her work back in its folder, she had other far more important things to deal with at the moment, and then she followed her family into the other room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had seen Steve off to work just after eight, and then she had eaten breakfast with Mark. Michael had called the hospital and relayed a message that Doctor Sloan would be in to see Doctor Martin and what would be the best time? With the news that Alex would probably be going home after lunch they were just making plans for the rest of the day when a thought struck Jo and she headed for the phone. "Rae? It's me, Texas, I was just wonderin' whether you were plannin' on goin' to see Alex an' Shannon today…? Mark is goin' in to see them both, an' then apparently he just said that Alex will be released… Ok, Rae, you look after yourself y'hear?  Bye, Honey." 

By the time Mark got to see Alex it was eleven o'clock, and the young doctor was sitting, already dressed, in Shannon's room. He looked a little tired, and anxious, but Mark could tell that he was ready to leave.

"Alex, Shannon, how are you feeling today?"

"Mark, I'm so sorry that your weekend was ruined, but if you want to do it again, count us in, we may stop by a supermarket on the way rather than the local store though." Alex smiled and stood up as his friend entered the room.

"Doctor Sloan, please tell him to go stay with my mom for a few days. I don't want him to be home on his own, please." Shannon's face was pale against the stunning black of her hair, and the worry was evident in her eyes and her voice.

"Shannon, please, call me Mark, and I have to admit, I am a little concerned myself about him being alone."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The tears had finished, but Jesse was still very emotional, and for a while the two of them just sat in each others arms and said nothing. Finally Rae turned her head and after kissing him gently on the cheek began to speak.

"Honey, how long have you been feeling guilty about being to blame for Eliana's abduction? Even though nothing will persuade me that you are responsible."

Jesse swallowed hard before he began to speak. "Since I was talking to Steve on the beach. I suddenly realised that if I hadn't said anything that morning none of it would have happened, the whole nightmare would have been beyond our imagination. Rae she nearly died because of me. How will she feel when she knows that?" His voice filled with emotion again, and he leant heavily against his wife.

"Jesse, was it my fault that Levington targeted me?"

Jesse looked up at her. "No, Honey, you know that, we went over it, he fell for a very beautiful, kind lady, and just took it to extremes."

"And is it your fault that Willis targeted Eliana?"

"Yes, because she wouldn't have known who she was if I hadn't told her."

"Ok, I'll give you that bit. You told a nurse at your hospital that you had a daughter, and guess what? This beautiful little girl right in front of her was that daughter and you were proud to be able to do that; it's what daddies do." Rae's voice was strong and firm, but still Jesse couldn't quite believe her.

"If I hadn't said anything she wouldn't have taken her …"

"No, she wouldn't, but you can't plan for that to happen. You were showing off your daughter, I want to do it all the time, and I've been a mum three times before. She is your first child, she is beautiful, happy, sunny… and yours, you didn't do anything wrong, and nothing you or anybody else says will make me change my mind on that."

"But I wasn't showing off, I wasn't boasting, I was trying to adhere to hospital protocol and how will she feel when she knows what I did?"

"She won't feel anything, because you won't tell her, and neither will I. You are her daddy, she loves you, it's unconditional, and nothing that has happened so far will change that. Jesse, you're a wonderful father, Honey, please, don't beat yourself up over this, it wasn't your fault, the circumstances were against us. But if you hadn't been there that day, if you had stayed home with her, I would have died." Rae stopped talking; the knowledge of what she said hit her suddenly and with force. "I would have died." This time her voice faded away, and she was the one leaning heavily into her husband. "Jesse, you saved my life, and I don't think I ever thanked you."

"Rae, don't. I don't want to be thanked; I don't want anything except for us to be together. I love you, Rae, you are all I have ever wanted, Eliana and the new baby are just a bonus, and I know I get worried about the two, sorry, three of you, but I can't help it."

"Shhh, I know, and I do understand, but you have to let go, let us live our lives as they are supposed to be lived. We will always have to be more vigilant than we would like, but we don't need to lock ourselves away, ok?"

Jesse nodded, and then they snuggled up together and watched as their little girl played with her toys oblivious to all the emotions around her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had spent all morning going over his case notes on both the body parts and the drive bys. He had also finished up all the paperwork relating to the shooting at Lewis' Stores, and received word from Community General that Silvester Lewis had lost his arm, but was now out of danger, and was expected to make a full recovery.

Daniel Upton, as Steve had discovered his last name was, had been placed in juvenile detention and was expected in court on Tuesday. Steve would be there to give evidence, and he would be able to fulfil his promise to Alex to let him know what was happening.

With all that was going on, Steve still couldn't shake the feeling that whatever he had said in the past, he couldn't marry Jo, not the way it was right now, and in the end just after three he closed all his files, shut down his computer and headed for the gym.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had sat with Jesse for a while, until she was certain that his feelings were under control and he was happy for her to move. "Jess, I need to go and get on, did you want to stay here with Eliana?"

"Mmm, what, sorry, I was miles away, no, she's ok, I'll come and make a coffee, would you like anything?"

Somehow the conversation seemed false to Rae, but she nodded her head, delighted to be able to do so. Until it had become a movement that caused her pain she hadn't realised just how many times in a day she had needed to do it. Eliana watched as the two of them left the room, timing it to perfection. As they both disappeared from sight she began to cry and with a sigh Rae turned and went back into the room.

"Honey, we are only in the kitchen, and you have to sit in your chair in there, come on." Rae unclipped the play pen and watched as the little girl now grinning from ear to ear crawled out of it. She stood and waited and Eliana moved over and out of the door and into the hallway. Jesse was standing just inside the kitchen and she kept crawling until she was just in front of him, then she reached up, grabbed his pants in both hands and pulled herself up.

"Dada, aii."  Jesse beamed; he was just so in love with his daughter and when she spoke to him he felt like he could float away with her. Carefully crouching down so as not to unbalance her he placed his hands underneath her arms and picked her up.

"Hey, Sweet pea, you are gonna be walking before long, no doubt about it."

"And then we will really know we have her." Rae smiled, she could remember her and Tony sitting on the floor of their flat in London with John standing up against one or other of them and willing him to walk. By the time Patrick had been born and was showing signs of becoming fully mobile the necessity to encourage him hadn't seemed so great, and when Mara had been walking properly by ten months Rae had been horrified. She knew that Jesse wouldn't understand her memories so she kept them to herself, and just carried on smiling. 

Eliana was now in her high chair, a simple wooden jigsaw in front of her. There were four pieces, each one was a cartoon animal and they had little red knobs on them. The idea being you picked them up by the knob took them out of their space and then replaced them. If, however, you were Eliana you took them out, sucked them and threw them on the floor, you then batted your eyelashes at your daddy and waited for him to pick them up for you. As the first piece hit the floor Jesse leant over and picked it up, proving to his daughter that it never failed, and so she dropped the next piece.

Rae moved over to her side of the kitchen table and began to take her pieces of paper back out and lay them in front of her. She hadn't even looked at the information on the body parts yet, preferring to deal with the drive bys, because that had happened first, and also she felt that she owed it to Bob and the other dead officers to try and help Steve as much as she could.

_I was raised that way_. She had written that down before they had gone into the lounge, and now Rae began to think back to what had been in her mind then. Sandra Breth was a Catholic; she had been raised that way. Rae wasn't a Catholic and didn't know that much about the faith, but she did know that they went to confession, and everything that was said in that little box was confidential, so if she had unburdened herself to a priest about what she had been doing, he would be unable to do anything but try to persuade her to give herself up.

George had said that she wanted to be married in church, and that she had been to see the priest the day he broke up with her. Then the man had run, _stupid, stupid_, she knew he was scared, but people had died, and he had taken the coward's way out. For a moment Rae felt the anger that she had for him threaten her, but she pushed it down and tried to concentrate on the matter at hand, as she did so a mug appeared by her right hand and she looked up to see Jesse smiling down at her.

"Here you go, Detective. I guess I have to give you back don't I?" He was smiling, but there was sadness in his eyes.

"Maybe not, Jess. This could be it, I could be unable to do more than this ever, but you are the person I will always come back to, I promise."

"Honey, that will do me, it will do me just fine." He smiled properly then, and Rae knew, without a doubt, that if she did make it back to work she would have his full support.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Steve got home it was a little after six and Jo was sitting in the morning room, with her pad, making more lists. With a shake of his head Steve headed upstairs, he needed to speak with his dad.

Two minutes later he was back. "Jo, where are all Dad's things?"

"At the beach house, he said that he felt fine, an' he was movin' back in right away. I tried to call you, 'bout half past three, but I couldn't reach you, not at work nor on your cell phone, Honey, where did you go?"

"Nowhere, I just had some things to think through. Jo, he can't go home and live by himself, it's not time. Anything could happen. I'm gonna call him, tell him to come back here." All his other problems paled into insignificance as Steve began to worry about his father.

"Steve, he won't be on his own. He has a lodger."

"A what? Oh, come on, Jo, you are telling me that Dad just miraculously found somebody else to live with him since I left home this morning? How can he have someone move in … does he know them …? Maybe I should run a background check on them… I have to go over there." Steve was talking as he walked up and down and Jo could see that he was very, very worried.

"Steve, slow down an' listen to me. Do you really think I would have let your daddy go home if it wasn't safe? There is no problem, an' if you had been near your phone you would have known all about it. Go see him, it will put your mind at rest, but he's fine."

"Mmm." Steve was on his way out of the house before he had finished murmuring to himself, and Jo with a smile and a shrug of her shoulders went back to her piece of paper and her wedding plans.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Steve arrived at the beach house he was even more anxious than he had been when he left Jo, he parked in his usual space, and looked round to see if he could see a car to show that the new inhabitant was home.  The only car apart from his own was his dad's so with a feeling of disappointment that he was still none the wiser about the lodger he walked up the steps and into the familiar hallway.

"Dad, it's only me." Steve called out, wondering whether his apartment was still his own.

"I'm on the deck, Son, come on out."

The cool evening wind blew at his hair as he joined his dad, and as he stood next to him at the rail he placed a hand on his shoulder. Steve was about to ask if he was glad to be home, but when he saw his face as his father turned to him he knew the answer. The lines had disappeared, he was relaxed and at peace with himself, he was where he was happiest in the entire world, he was home.

"I've missed this. You and Jo have a wonderful home, and you were all very kind to me, but this is where I belong, Steve."

"I know, Dad, but it's time for me to move on. Part of me can't believe that I won't be living here, with you, but my place is with Jo now."

"Son, I always knew that you would move from here one day, at least I always hoped that you would, but only to get married to a wonderful girl, and you are, but your apartment is just that, yours, until you are married nobody else will use it."

"Thanks, Dad," A gust of wind blew across the deck, and Steve, suddenly worried for his father, placed an arm round his shoulders and smiled at him. "Let's go back in the house, ok?"

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"Dad, can I get a soda?"

"Steve, this is still your home, you never asked before, why start now?"

"I … I don't know, it just seemed wrong to take one without asking." Steve followed his father in, taking a detour through the kitchen to pick up the two cans of soda on the way. 

When he got into the living room he could see the folders that he had left his father on his two major cases lying on the table. He leant over, opened the first file, removed a set of photos and spread them out. "We didn't get a chance to talk about these, want to go through them now?" Steve could see that his father was fine, and as there seemed to be no sign of the lodger he knew he and his dad could talk shop.

"Yeah, I had a quick look, but I need your input." Mark put his glasses on, and made himself comfortable at the table. He had missed this.

"Ok, these are the locations where the … the body parts were left, I don't see that there is any link between them, I think they were opportunistic. Two cars that had their trunks left unlocked, maybe in the first instance the whole car was unlocked, because it sure didn't start out the day in my parking space. Then I got sent hair. You leave that in the trunk of a car, or a bus station locker it might get missed, but send it in a parcel to a police station, there is no chance it is gonna get overlooked. The foot, let's face it, he wanted it found immediately, and he chose well, the video from the bus station didn't show his face, or anything about the murderer except that someone left it in that locker. Normally I would say that just because a person left a clue it didn't mean he was the killer, but there is no way I can think of that he could persuade someone else to carry a foot around for him."

"No, I see what you mean; I guess it would be very difficult to get somebody to run that errand. Steve, what is in the jar, it looks like…"

"Yeah, it is! Oh, excuse me, Dad." Steve stood up and turned away. "Atishoo, atishoo." As Steve reached for a tissue from the counter he heard his dad begin to talk.

"No, you can't do that, I know, it's riveting stuff, but it's for me. Come on, off."

"Alex, your lodger is Alex … and Kira! Atishoo, atishoo… Dad could you go to my apartment, I have some of my tablets down there."

Mark got up and with a smile headed for the stairs, as he did so he saw the cat make his way over to one of her best friends, and Steve backing away, rubbing his eyes furiously as he did so.

Steve suddenly heard the sound of the front door being opened and then closed, and the sound of footsteps on the stairs.  Alex came slowly into the living room, but he stopped, blushing to the roots of his hair as he saw Steve standing there.

"Oh, um, hi, Steve." He tentatively held his hand out to the tall man standing in front of him.

"Alex. Is there a problem?" Steve looked at the young man in front of him and hoped he had stopped sneezing. For the first time that he could remember Alex looked afraid of him.

"No, well, yeah, I just moved into your house."

"Alex, I'm glad you're here."

"You are?" Alex sounded incredulous.

"I was worried what I was gonna do when I got married. I don't want Dad to be on his own, but I knew he would never agree to come live with us, this is great."

"I have one of the spare bedrooms; I won't go into your apartment."

"Alex, it's not my house, it's Dad's. Once I'm married and gone, he's at liberty to do what he wants with it, the apartment and the rest of the house. If he offers it to you, and you want it, take it, ok?"

Alex nodded his head. "I'll think about it."

"Now, can I get you a soda? We're just going over a couple of my cases if you want to join us." Steve realised that he couldn't have said anything better. The look of both delight and relief that crossed the face of the young man made it clear that he knew he had been accepted.

The rest of Steve's evening had passed pleasantly, and it was after ten before he got back home. Once again the house was in darkness, and as he entered the kitchen he found not only a plate of food but a note from Jo.

_Honey,_

_I have decided to have an early night, so that I will be bright and cheery for our day out. I suggest that when you have eaten you come to bed too. It will be fun tomorrow, but I plan on wearing you out, and you will need to be on your toes._

_I love you, Cowboy,_

_Jo_

_XXXX_

Seeing the sense in what she said, Steve ate his supper and headed to the shower room and in just over half an hour he was curled up in bed beside her. Jo moved and moaned a little as he made himself comfortable, but he knew that he hadn't really disturbed her.

Once again as he lay in the dark his problems began to surround him, and he had a feeling that the sleep Jo had suggested would be a long time coming.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve came out of the shower room just in time to see Jo run the brush through her hair for the final time. He stood watching her entranced, she had been in the shower first, and he could still see the white of the talcum powder on her shoulders, and the faint redness on her body from the heat of the water. 

Jo put the brush down with a smile and then moved across to take her clothes out of the wardrobe. She knew exactly what she was going to wear, and had made sure it was clean and ironed the day before. The jeans were new and jet black in colour, and the shirt was a soft suede in an almost almond shade with brilliant embroidery across the shoulders and down the front to just above where two breast pockets were situated and also across the yoke at the back and down in tendril like shapes roughly to the waist. There were no buttons on the shirt; instead beautiful mother of pearl covered snaps caught the light, adding to the rainbow of colours that were visible on the stunning top.

As she stood there, running a finger across the nap of the fabric to see the shade change, Steve came across and, moving her hair out of the way, began to kiss her on the neck. He saw her hand move up and hang the shirt back in the closet, and then felt her body relax back against his and gradually she turned in his arms and began to kiss him, her tongue running across his teeth before he relented and opened his mouth for her. His passion increased quickly, lighting a fire within him that he knew needed to be fed, now.

Steve's long fingers wove through her hair, and the tips massaged themselves against her scalp, and then he moved them down and ran them over her full breasts, playing them across her nipples, and smiling as her breath became heavy and deep. Suddenly he picked her up and carried her over to the bed, where he let her fall, her hair splaying around her head like a halo, and then he was kneeling over her, and Jo knew he needed her, right now, that there would be no gentle foreplay, and so she lifted herself up, "Take me, Honey, if that's what you need, then take me right now."

"Oh, God, Jo." Steve looked down at her beautiful body, and knew that however much he wanted to take it slow, he needed her, then and there, and as he entered her and felt her muscles tighten around him the love he felt for her welled up inside, and he began to thrust himself deeply into her, watching her face as he did so. For a second she looked shocked, but then the passion that he felt seemed to pass through to her, and she was holding on tightly to the bedclothes and thrusting her body back against him. 

"Now, Steve, now, Ahhhhhh, oh, Honey, now." 

It was all over in a moment, but the devotion and trust it had taken for both of them to make love that way stayed, and as Steve collapsed over Jo she took him in her arms, and just held him, as tight as she could, and felt his heart beat against her own chest and his breathing as it gradually came under his control once more.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve and Jo arrived at her stables just after eleven, and put the various picnic items into the saddle bags of both their animals and then after making sure that Steve's cell phone was switched on they climbed up and began to hack off together. They had decided that the number left with the station would be the house number. Michael would get in touch with Steve only if the information was relevant to his two main cases. The English butler had been pleased to agree to this knowing how much both Madam and the Lieutenant needed the time alone without the intrusion of modern technology.

After an hour of gentle hacking and pleasant conversation Jo pulled her horse to a halt and looked around her. The landscape was lush and green, and she was about to take Steve to a place she had never shown anybody but her brother. 

"Jo, are you ok? This isn't quite what I had in mind for the picnic, it's a bit … ah, a bit open isn't it?" Steve felt himself blush as he spoke, and he concentrated on giving his horse a hearty slap on the neck.

"No, this isn't where we are stoppin' it's where we start a journey I have never taken anyone on before. We can't ride together any more, I will have to lead the way, you need to stay close an' watch the floor a little bit, if my horse stumbles, be ready to pull yours up, ok?"

"Yes, Ma'am!" 

"Now, you see that hedgerow across at the end of this meadow? Well, that's where we're aimin' for first, an' I'll beat you there. Yeehaaaaaaa!" Jo slapped her horse with the reins on either side of the neck and took off, her hair flying out behind her. Steve was caught completely unawares, and for a second or two just stared after her, but then his mount began to get restless, and he gave it its head and they began to fly too, determined to catch up to the horse and rider galloping along in front of them.

Finally the hedgerow that had seemed like a tiny green line just a few minutes before grew in size, and Jo wheeled her horse round away from it and brought him to a halt. The beautiful black steed stood, his muscles quivering as he began to calm down, and Jo watched as Steve and the almost silver horse he was riding quickly caught them up and as he brought it down to a canter, a trot and then to a walk and halt she smiled over at him and, her eyes bright with the exercise and excitement of their ride, reached over and patted his horse.

"She's a fast'un, I thought you might catch me, that's why I had to get a head start on you. Now Jet here he can keep goin' longer than Star, but over a short distance she'd have him every time."

Steve looked around him, they had covered quite a distance, and they were now completely surrounded by countryside, the city of Los Angeles could be a thousand miles away, there were no sounds but those of the birds in a nearby copse of trees, and the breathing of their horses. 

"Jo, where are we going?" Steve looked around; he couldn't see a path or a gateway anywhere. He saw her smile and then she carefully and gently moved Jet forward and as they got closer to the hedge a small gap appeared. First of all the horse seemed reluctant to go through it, but with a little coaxing he slowly moved and then disappeared from sight. Steve pushed Star forwards, and the mare not wanting to be left alone followed without pause.

The ground went steeply downward, and Steve found himself leaning back in the saddle, all the time watching Jo as he had been told to do so that any stumble she took he could avoid.

After a while the ground levelled out and Jo waited for Steve to pull up beside her. "We have a little ways to go yet, but I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

"I'm fine, and this is just beautiful. Can you see where we're going to end up, or is it hidden?"

"No, if you look down a little, you can see dark green, we are aimin' for that. Honey, are you all right, do you want to get down and stretch your legs some?"

"No, I'm fine, and enjoying it much more than I thought I would. It sure beats the hell out of Ponyland!" Steve smiled and blew her a kiss. He had been a little cautious about going for a picnic on horseback, knowing that Jo was a far better rider than he, but she had wanted to do it so much, and the day was for them to be happy together, so he had given in, gracefully he hoped, and now he was glad he had.

"Ok then I reckon about another ten, maybe fifteen minutes an' we will be there." Jo clicked with her heels and her tongue at the same time and Jet sprang back into life, shaking his head and flicking with his tail, and it was clear that he knew just where he was going.

Steve watched as Jo headed away from him and followed her. The path seemed to double back on itself a little, and Steve could see the clearing where they had stopped for a while before it disappeared behind a large gorse hedge. If anything the air seemed to get quieter, and there was an almost surreal quality to the landscape. For a moment Steve wouldn't have been at all surprised if a hobbit or a troll hadn't wandered out of the undergrowth, and then with a laugh he shook his head and sent his fantasies back where they belonged. Jo looked back at him.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, just fine, Jo this is beautiful."

"It sure it isn't it? I'll tell you all about it when we stop."

Steve just nodded, and then Jet stumbled, and with a gasp Jo found herself clinging to the neck of her steed. 

"Honey, are you ok?" Steve pulled Star up as close as he could get to Jet without scaring the animal and leant in and took hold of the reins.  Jo sat up and then slipping her feet out of the stirrups she dismounted and checked round all four legs to make sure that her horse was fine. 

"Shhh, it's ok baby, Mommy's here, it's ok." Jo kept up a soothing chatter as she carefully and expertly moved her hands down each quivering leg, checking the muscles, and then lifting up each hoof to check that he hadn't spread a plate. Finally Jo straightened back up and smiled. "He's fine, that will teach me to keep my eyes front an' centre an' not at the handsome man followin' along behind."

"Are you sure that you are able to carry on?" Steve was worried, and it showed in his face.

"Honey, I usually come off this animal at least once a week that was nothin', I am fine, an' I have no intention of stoppin' now, we are almost there. We are so close we can walk the rest of the way if you would like."

"Ah, no, I would like to carry on riding, I feel more confident on Star than leading her, is that all right with you?"

For an answer Jo smiled at him and then with, it appeared, no effort at all she leapt back onto her horse and began to move forward once again.


	18. Confession is Good For The Soul

**Confession is Good for the Soul**

By the time Jo finally pulled her horse to a halt Steve definitely needed to stretch his legs. He knew that he was going to regret this ride in the morning, hell, he was regretting it now. 

"Arghhh," He couldn't stop letting out a gasp as his legs screamed at him as he jumped down off Star's back and he tried very hard not to hobble over to the large sturdy looking tree that Jo was tying Jet's reins too.

"Honey, are you all right? I guess you aren't as used to this as I am." Jo looked annoyingly fresh and as beautiful as ever. The air had given her cheeks a wonderful rosy glow, her eyes were bright, and her hair, which had been whizzed up by the wind was catching the light and looked shimmery and very inviting.

"Nothing a good chiropractor won't be able to cure." Steve grimaced, and pulled open one of the saddle bags, hoping that it was the one with the drinks in. He took out a large bottle of mineral water, and a plastic container appeared under his nose. 

"There you go, darlin' you just sort yourself out for a minute, I'm gonna take the saddles off the horses an' let them have a breather too." Jo busied herself, talking softly to both horses the entire time, and Steve, grateful for the time to get himself back together, began to look around.

The glade, because there was no doubt in Steve's mind that they were in a glade, was deep set into the underbrush, and although the sun was shining down on them, he had a feeling that once it disappeared behind the trees in the early evening this particular piece of heaven would get very cold very quickly.

The grass was a deep lush green, and it felt springy under his feet. It was dry, and as he crouched down to run his fingers through it, Steve was surprised that it felt warm to his touch. He pulled up a handful and smelt it, then he moved over and held it out to his travelling companion, who sniffed it and then began to munch on it.

"Are you hungry or do you just want to sit a while?" Jo looked over at Steve, and she could see that his face was more relaxed than it had been in the last few days, and he seemed to be unwinding quickly.

"Mmm, sitting sounds nice, as long as I get to sit with you." Steve could see that she had a blanket over her arm, and he took it from her and shook it out. Once it was lying smoothly across the ground Steve pulled the edge of it until it was up against a large tree stump. There was ivy curling up and over it, but it would make a good table when they decided to eat, for now though he planned to use it as a back rest. He sat down, stretching his long legs out in front of him, and then he looked up. "Would you care to join me?"

"I thought you'd never ask." Jo smiled and sat down so that she could lean into Steve's body and rest the back of her head against his shoulder.

"This is great, and you've never shown it to anybody except David?"

"Nope, this is my special place. I always hoped that someday I would have an extraordinary person to bring here, but until today nobody ever fitted that bill. I've been comin' here since I was twelve, an' this old tree stump has heard all my problems, all my worries an' concerns, there isn't anythin' about me that it doesn't know, an' I had a feelin' that you had a few problems that maybe it could help you with."

Jo looked up at Steve, and she could see that a little of the worry had returned. "Maybe, but first of all I just want to lie here, we get so little time together, and somehow in all this beauty and peace, I want to be quiet, and hold you in my arms awhile."

"I can cope with that, I'll wake you in about a half hour." Jo smiled, she knew that he would be asleep before long; she also knew that he needed the rest, the sleep you got in the open air was wonderful, and they could talk later, maybe make a little camp fire and stay longer than she had planned. Slowly she moved herself down the rug and felt Steve do the same thing. He put his hands underneath his head and closed his eyes, and soon his breathing became deep and even, and Jo sat, the bird song and the buzzing of the bees in her ears and watched him as he slept.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The sun, as it usually did, was shining down on the Travis household at the beginning of the new morning, and inside the atmosphere was happy and relaxed as they went about their daily business. Rae had been on the internet for over an hour, and Jesse had been happily sorting out paperwork, and doing the finances. They were both careful with their money, and it never took very long to balance the check books, and settle all their bills. After that was done he had taken Eliana out into the back garden, and with a tape measure, pencil and a piece of paper he had begun to work out how he wanted to alter it, hopefully while Rae was away. Eliana was getting more mobile, and she would be playing out on the grass in the summer, and he wanted her to be safe wherever she was.

Once he had finished making a rough sketch he pushed the piece of paper into his jeans, lifted his little girl up off the grass and headed back into the kitchen. "Hey, how are you doing?"

"I think I'm on to something, but I have no idea what to do with it now I've found it." Rae's voice showed her exasperation, and Jesse could see that her right hand was held in a tight fist.

Jesse placed his hand over Rae's and felt it relax at his touch. "So, wanna tell me what it is you've found?" Jesse put Eliana down on the floor and looked at Rae's notes.

"It's what I said about being raised that way. Sandy Breth is a Catholic, from what Steve says here, and what I heard that night, she was a devout one, at least to start with."

"Rae, she's killed what, twelve people? How can you say that she's devout?" Jesse looked horrified as he realised the total number of deaths caused so far.

"George Bannister dumped her, the very day she had been to see the priest about arranging her wedding. She didn't really know why, and she was devastated. She left LA, for where I have no idea, and neither does anybody else it seems. When she came back she found George and Joseph, well, let's just say they weren't doing what good Catholic boys do. I think, only think mind you, because I haven't met or spoken to her, that she is cleansing herself of everything that had anything to do with George and his association with her."

"Ok, maybe I can see that, homosexuality is a sin in the eyes of the church, but to kill is even more of a sin isn't it?"

"Well, I have to admit I'm not sure if they grade them, but she can go to a priest and use the sanctity of the confessional to admit to her crimes with no chance of going to jail. All he can do is suggest that she give herself up."

"But if she doesn't she's home free until somebody catches her?"

"Yeah, I think so. I need to go find myself a Catholic priest and get some information, but without Steve I'm not sure I have the authority at the moment.  I know that she will attack again, I don't think she will be able to resist, and so far I have come up with four other places that should be on alert."

"Where? I thought that she was finished."

"No, Jess, that type of person is never finished. She will, I think, attack the church where the wedding was due to take place and I have a feeling that George and Joseph's home will be targeted too."

"That's just two places, where else will she go?"

"She will see danger where there is none, I think that once she is finally done, when she can't find anybody else to blame she'll attack the priests who hear her confessions."

"Priests? You mean more than one, so that's your four, yes?"

"Yes, Jesse, that's my four. Would you go back and confess again to the same priest? I wouldn't, and I don't think she will either, once she has confessed all to a priest, she may not have done so yet, I don't know, but once she has, that man's life will be in danger, along with George, if he ever comes home, Joseph, the church where her wedding was due to take place and one more, as yet unknown priest." Rae shook her head gently. "I feel like an executioner, choosing who will die and who will live."

"You need to get on to Steve, right now." Jesse reached over and picked up the handset to the phone, but Rae took it from him and put it down on the table.

"And tell him what, Jess? I have nothing definite, nothing that can tell him where Sandra Breth is, or where she'll strike next. All I have are ideas, suppositions, and he has enough of them as it is. He's off today; I won't trouble him with this until the morning."

"And if anything happens between now and then, how are you gonna feel?" Jesse looked at his wife, and he could see the uncertainty in her eyes.

"Ok, give me the phone, I will make one call, but not to Steve." Rae began to press in the buttons for the number of the station, and then as she waited she realised that she had the phone to her ear without any help from Jesse. The smile on her face was reflected in her voice as she began to speak. "Oh, hi, this is Detective Reagan Yeager; may I speak to Captain Newman please...? Yes, I'll hold." Rae put her hand over the mouthpiece. "Jesse, where's Eliana?"

Jesse wheeled round; he had let his daughter's presence slip his mind, as he did so there was an almighty crash and sudden frightened crying.

Rae almost dropped the phone in fear, and then she heard Jesse's soothing tones, and knew that nothing terrible had happened, as she began to breathe again she heard her boss's voice in her ear. "Detective Yeager, how nice to speak with you … is that your daughter I can also hear? Maybe you would like to call back, or if you are in need of assistance, a black and white could call round?"

"Ah, no, thank you, Sir, we'll be fine," Rae could hear the humour in the Captain's voice as she turned a little further in her chair. "She just discovered the saucepan cupboard, and got a little scared… Jesse, can you take her in the other room?" Rae saw him nod at her, and then the room became quiet again. "I'm sorry, Sir,"

"That's quite all right, Detective, I'm afraid Lieutenant Sloan isn't working today."

"No, I know that, Sir, which is why I asked to speak with you. I need you to either put a guard on Joseph Logan, or get him to move to a different location for a while."

"You think that this shooter will target him next?" The Captain's interest rose as he listened to his officer.

"I don't know if he will be next, Sir, but he will definitely be on her list somewhere, and in the end George too, if he ever decides to come home. Sir, can I go and see Mr. Logan?" Rae waited, her heart beating loudly for his answer.

"Do you want to wait and go with Lieutenant Sloan, or were you planning to go before that?"

"I think I need to go see him now. I know you have other officers working on this, but I have spoken with him on a number of occasions, and maybe he will open up a little to me. I can't believe that he doesn't know where George is, and we need information that only he can give us."

"Ok, Detective, I get the feeling that I won't be able to stop you. Detective Banks is back on duty today, I will get her to come by and pick you up, and then you can go see him together…"

"But, Sir…"

"That is the only way I will sanction this, Detective, is that understood?"

"Yes, Sir."

"I will inform her right away, and I expect she will leave immediately. Once you are done, I would be obliged if you would come into the station to report to me yourself… Oh, and, Detective…"

"Yes, Sir?"

"It's good to hear you so eager to return to work, although I must say I expected nothing less." 

Rae could hear the smile in his voice, and it was evident again in her own as she finished the call. "Thank you, Captain; I'll see you later then." Rae put the handset back on the table and then looked at herself. "Jesse, Honey, can you come here a minute please?" The house was silent, and it was obvious that Eliana had recovered from her brush with the saucepans, although they were still lying all over the floor. With a smile Rae got up and headed off to find her family and change her clothes. Somehow she got the impression that grey jogging bottoms, a pink fleecy top and purple slippers weren't quite what today's fashionable detective was wearing.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was just over twenty minutes before Steve stirred on the rug and opened his eyes. Jo brushed his hair off his forehead and kissed the exposed skin gently. "Hey, dreamer, was that nice?"

"Mmm, it was, it's like sleeping on the beach, makes me feel refreshed, not sluggish like I do when I nap inside." Jo leant down and kissed him again, this time on the lips, and she felt his arms go round her, and he began to return her kisses. His fingers went into her hair, and as she began to explore with her tongue Jo realised that she needed this time just as much as he did.

Gradually they pulled away from each other, and Steve finished by kissing her quickly on the tip of her nose. "I guess we had better have some lunch, if we take all the food back Michael will tut at us!"

"Yeah, he will won't he? Ok, I'll be Mama, an' get the food out, there are some bottles of water in one of the saddle bags, an' I even asked for a small bottle of wine. I have no idea what it will be like now we have hurtled across the ground, but we can try it an' find out."

They quickly and quietly arranged all the picnic things on top of the tree stump that Steve had spotted earlier, and soon a feast, if not fit for a king, certainly for two lesser royals was waiting to be eaten. "Wow, when Michael fixes a picnic he certainly fixes a picnic." Steve looked at all the food, and realised just how hungry he actually was.

"He told me you had asked him to do a few things an' that I wasn't to worry everythin' was in hand. He wasn't kiddin' was he?"

The tree stump was hidden under an exciting array of fried chicken, jacket potatoes wrapped in foil, there were freshly baked rolls, butter, potato salad, coleslaw, two individual containers of salad, and then for desert, sweet pastries also in individual containers to stop them from breaking apart. Considering the speed that the two horses had covered the ground at the beginning of their ride everything was still in one piece and looked good enough to eat.

There was a set of cutlery and a plate for each of them, together with white damask napkins, and tumblers for their drinks. With a laugh Jo picked hers up and began to put food on it. Steve did the same and soon they were sitting back on the rug eating and chatting and relaxing more by the second.

"So," Steve swallowed down a mouthful of wine and then began to attack his potato. "How did you ever find this place? It's not exactly signposted now is it?"

"No, an' if it weren't for a horse called Scarlet I never would have. We lived in Texas most of the time, but we summered here. Well, were out hackin' one day an' a jack rabbit scared the wits out of her, an' she just took off. Well, I wasn't as strong as I am now, if Jet takes off with me I can normally pull him up, but I didn't have a hope of stoppin' her, an' when the hedgerow came up in front of her, she just leapt it."

"She leapt the hedge, but the ground just disappears the other side, there is no way she could have kept her feet." Steve looked horrified.

"Oh, she didn't, an' neither did I. I went straight over her head, or at least I think I did. I must have been knocked out because when I came too it was gettin' dark an' I knew that grandmamma would be sendin' out the search parties if I didn't get me back home double quick. Scarlet was standin' a little way off, an' it was clear she was injured, so I used that as my excuse for why I was so late, I saw the gap in the hedge, well, it wasn't actually a gap until I had gone through it, an' I was found as Scarlet an' me were walkin' back across that meadow we galloped today."

"Did you see a doctor; you could have had a concussion, or worse, and what about your horse, was she all right?"

"Steve, Honey, it was a long time ago, an' yes I saw a doctor, had to stay home for a week. Scarlet had just bruised herself, an' by the time I was allowed back out so was she. The first place I came was that hedge, but this time we came down the way you an' I travelled. I couldn't believe what I had found; it was my own piece of the earth that I didn't have to share with anybody. I used to pack myself a lunch, just sandwiches an' a drink, find myself a book or two an' then Scarlet an' me would come here, make ourselves comfortable an' spend the day readin', talkin' an' just bein' together. I didn't plan on ever tellin' anybody about it, but ... well, Scarlet got colic an'… an' she died." Jo stopped talking for a minute, and she saw Steve put his plate on the rug and felt his arm go round her. His touch was all she needed and she carried on. "Grandmamma had her cremated, an' I wanted to bury her myself. She wouldn't let me do it alone, but agreed to David comin' with me, an' so I brought him here, just the once, an' we buried Scarlet, she is over there underneath that patch of violets. They grow all over the place here, but I wanted some right where she was, so I would never forget." Jo took a deep breath, she had said a lot and some of it had hurt, more than she would have believed possible after all this time.

"Honey, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad." Steve kissed her cheek gently and made sure she was ok before picking up his plate once again.

"I know, and I guess it makes me sad because it's not just Scarlet that's gone, but Grandmamma too, an' that part of my life is over. Nothin' ever bothered me, or affected me the way it does now, I was just a teenager, or almost a teenager, who had nothin' to worry about, my whole life was my own to do with what I liked. I knew I never had to work a day if I didn't want to, I could spend my time in my little glade an' nobody would ever know, or complain, because I could fire them on the spot if they did." Jo stopped talking, she was opening her heart far more than she had ever done in her life, and she was getting a bit scared.

"No, you couldn't have done that, not even at twelve. You aren't that type of person, and your grandmamma certainly didn't bring either of you up to just spend your money and not understand its power and its potential for good and bad."

"No, you're right, an' when I was old enough to get a proper job I became a cop. Gradually as I got older, I don't know, fifteen, sixteen, I realised that I wanted to be doin' somethin' that helped others, an' in the end I decided to become a policewoman. I don't think I was ever a career officer, not like you an' Rae. I didn't have to be, I was doin' it because it was what I chose to do, but I knew that I could stop any time an' just head on into the offices of Walters Oil an' I would have a job for life."

"Jo, we don't have to talk about this, it's ok."

"No, it's not, I want to talk to you, with you, we need to clear the air, I don't know why I feel that, but I do, an' this is the best place in the whole wide world for that. But I will stop, for a little while, an' we can have our desert."

Steve watched her as she stood up and brushed herself down, then she picked up the two plates and returned to the stump. As he sat there he wondered how he was going to bring up the fact that in his mind the wedding was still most definitely not going to happen.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Joseph Logan did not look like a man whose lover had deserted him. He smiled at Rae, checked Cheryl's ID and let the two of them into his house and, remembering Rae's last visit, went to get her a slightly more solid chair from inside his dining table. Rae sat down, easing her jeans a little as she did so. She felt much more suitably dressed in the blue denims and the white shirt she had changed into.

"Detective Yeager, Detective Banks, what can I do for you?"

Rae suddenly felt incredibly angry, and she had to force herself to speak calmly. "You can tell us where Detective Bannister is, Mr. Logan."

"I'm sorry, but I can't do that." The man in front of them was sitting upright on one of the squishy sofas, and in his entirely blue outfit seemed to disappear into the leather.

"Can't or won't Mr. Logan?" Cheryl's voice was tighter than Rae's, and it was clear that she didn't believe him.

"Mr. Logan, we think that you are in danger, and need to move away from this house, we also think that many more people could lose their lives before this terrible business is over if we can't speak with George." Rae looked around the room, trying to see if there was anything to indicate that the detective had returned. They purposely hadn't phoned ahead, turning up unannounced on the doorstep, but from what Rae could see there was only evidence of one person being home. "Joseph, until we can get more information from Detective Bannister we have no way to catch Ms Breth. She attacked Lieutenant Sloan a couple of days ago, and it's clear that she's still in LA and, as she was spotted at a local gun club, we're sure that she's planning to carry out more attacks. We can give you and George police protection, but we can't guard the other people she is aiming to kill or maim until we get the details we need."

Rae stopped talking and looked across at her partner for the afternoon. Cheryl was happy to let Rae take the lead in the questioning, she knew that Rae'd had more contact with him, and as Martin was still in the hospital, she wasn't sure that her own temper could cope with this obstructive man.

"How do you know that she is going to kill again?" Joseph began to unbend just a little.

"Because I know the type of person she is. I think I can see her reasons behind the killings, and if I'm correct then there will be at least four other attacks, maybe more." Rae didn't want to give out all her information but she knew that she had to give this man a reason to, in his eyes, betray his lover.

"And you think she will come here?"

Rae nodded her head. "Oh yeah, in fact I'm surprised that she hasn't already, I think that you haven't been attacked yet because George isn't here. That's another reason why you need to leave, with us if you want, and we can give you protection some where, but you need to tell us where George is. I know you know, and so far all you and he are guilty of is stupidity, but if you don't tell us now you will have blood on your hands, make no mistake about it." Rae knew that they Joseph and George had perverted the course of justice, but thought now wasn't the time to mention it.

Joseph nodded his head, "Let me pack, just a few things, and then I'll come with you. Once we are away from here I'll tell you where he is." With that he stood up and moved towards the other end of the room. Rae, remembering what had happened the last time indicated for Cheryl to follow him, and then she moved over and stood by the front door, so that there was no possibility of him making a swift getaway before they were ready to go with him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The sun was starting its descent when Steve suddenly realised that he could tell Jo all his worries in this place, and it would still be ok. Hard, but ok. With a deep breath he took her hand in his and she looked up at him.

"What is it, Steve? I know that somethin' is botherin' you, somethin' big, an' you need to tell me."

"Jo, it's this." Steve took out the pieces of paper he had taken off the tablet she had been writing on a few days before. "I can't marry you, Jo. Not like this."

"What? Honey, no, I don't understand, why?" Jo had tried to think of all the things she thought might be troubling Steve, but not marrying her, that had never crossed her mind. "I love you, an' I know you love me, why can't you marry me?"

"Jo, listen, you're not listening to me. I didn't say I couldn't marry you, I said I couldn't marry you like this." He held the paper up again but he could see that she was none the wiser. "Jo, there are 258 names on these pieces of paper, and all of them are gonna get an invitation to our wedding. I can't deal with that. Do you know how many people I have on my list? Fourteen, fourteen, and you have four of them on your list too. If it weren't for my dad, and close friends like Jesse and Amanda I would suggest that we elope, but if we have to have 268 people at our wedding, well, I won't be there, I'm sorry."

Jo sat there, she had no idea what to say to him, and as he got up and moved away from her she could see the ground between them as a huge gulf which was getting wider and wider with every step he took. Jo pushed her hair away from her face, and brushed at the tears that suddenly appeared on her cheeks. Most of the names on her list were just that, names, they were strangers to her too, people who had to be invited because of business deals, or contacts that went way back to when her momma and poppa had been alive. She realised that when they walked back up the aisle as man and wife, there would be about twenty people that they actually knew and the rest would be strangers.

"Honey, how would you feel about havin' a small weddin' and a big party a little later?"

Steve turned at the sound of her voice. "How small?"

"About seventeen people, plus us an' the priest. We could probably get that arranged for ooh, maybe next week an' then we could hold a big party, hire somewhere an' use it as a fund raiser for the hospital at a later date. We don't need any presents; we have everythin' we need at home." Jo's mind was working fast as she realised that she had Steve's undivided attention. "I could have Rae as my bridesmaid; you could have Jesse as your best man. David would come up an' give me away, an' we could have a honeymoon whenever you can get a week or two's vacation. I know you're real busy with your cases an' I wouldn't want to stop you from findin' your latest set of lunatics, but we would be married, an' that would be all that mattered." Jo stopped talking, she had nothing else that she could say, Steve hadn't moved since he turned round, and he still didn't. Finally Jo could stand it no longer. "Well?"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It took Joseph half an hour to put some things into a holdall, make sure that everything that needed to be switched off was disconnected, then he picked up a few letters, his Filofax, and his laptop and he and Cheryl moved over to where Rae was standing. 

Rae looked at what he was carrying and was pleased to see that he didn't have too much luggage. "Ok, what we'll do is take you back to the station, and get a safe house or hotel room organised for you, then we can get all the details of where George is and maybe, just maybe, we can get this case closed." Rae looked at Cheryl and she nodded. There was nothing left to organise where they were, everything now needed to be done elsewhere. "I'll arrange for a tap on your phone, in case anybody tries to contact you." _I should have checked that, it might already be done,_ Rae filed the thoughts away and opened the door, George followed her out, and she heard Cheryl close the door behind them.

They had got halfway down the path when Cheryl heard gunshots, she saw George Logan crash to the ground in front of her as Rae pushed him out of the line of fire. Cheryl grabbed her gun and ran to the sidewalk, and was just in time to see a blue station wagon take off down the street. There was no chance to hit its tyres or take its plate so she turned and ran back towards the house, stopping in her tracks as she saw Joseph Logan lying with Rae across him, and blood leaving a deeper and deeper red stain across her shirt as she lay there.


	19. Laying a Ghost

**Laying a Ghost**

"Well?" Jo felt her stomach tie itself in knots as she looked across at Steve. He was standing staring out at the countryside, but she had a feeling that he saw none of it. Finally after what seemed like an eternity she saw him run his fingers through his hair and turn back towards her. "Honey, I can't believe that … that somethin' as simple as the number of people at our weddin' is puttin' you off, when we still have to talk through how you feel about my fears of havin' a baby, an' me bein' worried about you workin' as a cop. But if you want to deal with this first, then ok, it's a crisis that is simply solved, an' then we can get on with our other problems."

"Jo, I need to explain some things to you, to let you know why I feel the way I do. Maybe then you will understand."

"Steve, just tell me, does what I said work for you, will you marry me in a small service?" Jo felt her voice become louder and a little shrill, and she tried to swallow down her fear that she might lose this man.

"Shhh, listen, ok?" Steve had walked back across to her side, and he sat and put his arm around her. Feeling a little more confident because of his presence Jo nodded her head and did as she was asked.

"Jo, first of all, I love you, I feel I have waited my whole life for someone as wonderful as you, someone who cares for me like you do, who will let me, with difficulty sometimes I know, be who I am and what I am. If there is no other way of doing it, I will marry you with all those people there, but I just know that I will hate it, and it isn't how I want it to be."

"Then we don't do it that way. This is our weddin' not those business men an' women in their smart, starched suits, we both have to be happy with the arrangements."

"I've been in relationships before, I was even engaged once a few years ago, and I have fantasized a little about getting married…" Steve paused, he felt embarrassed to admit to his ideas and dreams, even to Jo.

"Go on." Her voice seemed suddenly strained, although Steve had no idea why.

"I always imagined getting married at the beach. Out on the deck, just Dad and Jesse, Amanda, real close friends, I hate even going to big weddings, they seem wrong; it should be an intimate, quiet service… I'm sorry, Jo, if you want a big wedding, I know the day is more for the bride than the groom, then I'll go with that, but I had to tell you how I felt." Steve stopped talking and looked around him, the air was full of the sounds of bees, as they buzzed their way from flower to flower, and the occasional call of a bird, but apart from that, they could be the only beings on the planet.  "There must be something about this place though, because I didn't plan on telling you all that."

"Mmm, it does seem to spring a few surprises doesn't it?" This time there was no mistaking the icy tone that had crept into Jo's voice.

"Honey, I will marry you any way you want, I said that, why are you mad at me?" Steve could see that something he'd said had upset her, but he wasn't sure what.

"Maybe you would like to tell me about this woman you were engaged to before."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae carefully manoeuvred herself away from Joseph Logan and sat with her head on her knees. Cheryl could hear her talking, but her voice was muffled, and the words indistinct.

"Rae, raise your head a minute, look at me." Cheryl had already checked to see how the man lying at her feet had fared, and although she had called 911 she knew that there was no longer any hurry. "Rae."

"I'm all right, Cheryl, a bit dazed, I think I hit my head on the ground, but mostly I'm just angry. Stupid, stupid man, why the hell did he have to run in the first place?" Rae began to rise to her feet, but Cheryl saw the pain as it crossed her face and put a hand on her arm, drawing it away again instantly as she heard Rae gasp.

"Rae, stay where you are, you're obviously hurting and I'm not gonna be the one to tell Jesse I let you get up and walk into the ambulance, you need to stay right there, and arrive on a gurney. No arguments, ok?"

Rae nodded her head and wished she hadn't, "Yes, Ma'am. And Joseph, I'm guessing from the fact that you are over here, and he is over there that I didn't push him out of the way quick enough."

"No, I'm sorry, he's dead. But I didn't even realise there was a shooter, what did you see, Rae?" Cheryl pulled her notebook out of her pocket as she spoke.

"What did I see…? I, I saw a blue car, I'm not good on cars, it was a dark blue coloured station wagon, quite new, and the window was down, then I saw a glint, like sunlight on metal, and I just knew what it was. But I wasn't quick enough, so I guess it doesn't matter what I saw does it?" Rae put her head back on her knees, the realisation that she had failed hitting her as hard as the bullets had hit the man behind her.

"Rae, listen, you can't save everyone. I can hear the sirens, I want you to do as you are told, go get yourself checked over and then get Jesse to come and take you home. I'll sort this out, and I'll come see you in the morning, we can go over what happened, and what we are gonna do now." Cheryl had placed her hand on her friend's back, and she could feel her shaking.

"Cheryl, get a search warrant, we need to look in his Filofax and his laptop. Somewhere there will be an address for George Bannister, we have to find him and we will need to check his house too, because if we don't more people are gonna die, innocent people."

"I will, now you hush, ok?" Cheryl watched as the first ambulance drew up, and she waved them over. Rae was carefully helped onto a gurney, and as she lay down she closed her eyes, and Cheryl knew that, just for a little while, she needed the support she would receive in the ER, and later at home with her family.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve looked over at Jo, and the hurt in her eyes shocked him. "Jo, I'm sorry, I … I don't talk about her very much."

"I gathered that, but like you said there is somethin' about this place, so come on, tell me, an' then I promise you can forget her, for always."

Steve looked at Jo again, the hurt was still there, but he knew that what he had to say wouldn't drive her away, or change her feelings for him and so with a deep breath he began to talk. 

"Her name was Ellen, Ellen Sharp and she was a reporter for the National Scoop. I met her when she became involved in a case I was working, and, well, we fell in love, it was as simple as that." Steve paused for a moment, if he shut his eyes he could still see her face but he hadn't thought about her or done so for a long time.

"She had a chance to move to Chicago and work for a paper there. A daily, one with a much better reputation than the National Scoop, and she had decided to take the job. I realised that I didn't want her to go, and so I asked her to marry me."

"An' she said yes?" Jo looked at her fiancé, and she could already see the pain in his eyes.

"Oh, yeah, she said yes, right away too, and for a while it was wonderful, but then one afternoon, we were sitting on the sand and it all changed." Now Steve could see the whole scene laid out in front of him, and as he began to speak again, Jo could imagine it too, hearing the voice of the woman Steve had loved, as clearly as she could hear his.

"We hadn't seen much of each other for a couple of weeks, I had pulled a set of nights, and for some reason they really knocked me out, and I slept for almost two days when I finished them. We had met for dinner at Bob's the night before, and she had been cold, distant, and I was worried. So I suggested that we spend an afternoon at the beach." 

Steve paused and it seemed to both of them that Ellen's voice filled the air.

_"This is nice, but why do you always sit on this bit of sand?" _

_"Why? I don't know, I guess I feel that it's … it's mine almost. Do you want to go someplace else?" Steve had been lying on the sand, his head resting against a dune, and Ellen was leaning companionably beside him._

_"No, it doesn't matter, here is as good as anywhere else."_

_"Ellen, Sweetheart, what's the matter? You were awfully quiet and, I don't know, remote last night, and now you seem bad tempered. Is there something wrong?"_

_"No, no not really, I'm just … just a bit … Steve, why did you ask me to marry you?"_

_"What? Why?" Steve had spluttered out his reply, not knowing what to say. "Because … because, I love you, Ellen, and I want to be with you, always."_

_"Oh."_

_"Oh. That's it, oh? Ellen, I don't understand, don't you want to marry me any more? Do you want to wait a while? If you aren't sure, we can postpone the ceremony, I'm certain that Father Jenkins will be ok with that. But why, Honey, what's wrong?"_

_"Nothing, I guess I was just feeling a little unsure of myself, a bit scared. Pre-wedding jitters, no, leave everything as it is, I'll be fine, but I need to go home now, Steve, is that ok?"_

_"Yeah, as long as you're really all right. I can run you home, you can leave your car here, and come get it tomorrow, or you can go for a sleep here, if you're tired."_

_Ellen had put a finger over his lips to stop him talking, and he had grasped her hand and kissed each finger in turn. _

_"I love you, Ellen."_

_"I know, now come on, let's go up, and I'll head home."_

With a shudder, Steve came back to the present. "I picked up the rug, and we walked, hand in hand, up the sand and into my apartment. Ellen grabbed herself a drink of water, and then with a quick kiss on the cheek she left… I haven't seen her, or talked with her since."

"Oh, Steve, I'm so sorry, why, what happened next?" Jo took hold of his hand, and held it tightly. He still had his arm around her and she leant into his body, hoping that her presence would help him as much as his had helped her.

"I called her apartment the next morning, and I got her answering service. She had thirteen beeps, and then you left a message. She didn't call me, so in the afternoon I called again. This time I got fifteen beeps, and I left another message. By the time I gave up leaving messages I was getting twenty seven beeps." Steve shut his eyes for a moment, all of that had hurt, but not as much as the next part.

"About four days after we had spoken I got a envelope in the mail, inside it was a letter, it just said that she needed some time to think, some space, and that she would be in touch. I didn't know what to do. I had been round to her apartment, banged on the door, and her neighbour told me that he had seen her leaving with suitcases." Steve hung his head and Jo, instantly concerned, began to speak.

"Steve, Honey, are you all right?"

"I didn't know what to do, Jo, I loved her and she wasn't there. I … I got a search warrant for her flat, and when we opened it everything was gone, all her clothes, shoes, furniture, everything that was hers, but on the mantelpiece were the … the three pictures she had of me. Those she hadn't taken."

Jo didn't say anything, she couldn't begin to understand the hurt he must have felt, but she imagined that it came pretty close to hearing that you had been the object of a bet and not love.

"I didn't understand what was happening, I couldn't eat, sleep, I just missed her so much, but she couldn't have loved me, not and done that, could she?" Steve looked at Jo, desperately wanting her confirmation of what he had just said.

Jo, still not wanting to speak just shook her head and waited.

"I didn't know where she was, and I could hardly put an APB out on her, she had, after all, left of her own free will. I know that Dad and Jesse were worried about me, Amanda too, but I was just too upset to let them help me. Then about another week later I had a thought, and I punched her name in on a search engine, and there, on the Chicago Herald, was her by-line… She had gone, after all that she said; she had gone and taken the job. But I would have moved with her, if she had asked, I could have transferred to Chicago, hell, Rae did it, I could have done it… But she didn't ask, and then four months after she left I got another package, there was no note in it, nothing, just the engagement ring I had given her. It arrived the day we were supposed to get married."

Jo watched in dismay as a single tear stole down Steve's cheek, and then to her surprise and relief he pulled her to him, and she could feel him desperately trying to get himself back under control. Jo knew that he was an immensely proud and strong man, and the fact that this woman had brought him to his knees, and still had the ability to upset him so much made her really angry and she wanted to hit something _or someone_. But she knew that Steve needed her, and so forcing a smile onto her face she began to gently rub his back, and speak in soft tones to him.

"Honey, shhh, it's over, she can't hurt you any more, an' now that you have told me, you can't be hurt by your memories any more either. Rae would tell you that everythin' in this life happens for a reason, an' I agree with her. If Ellen hadn't left you, we wouldn't be together, an' if you had gone to Chicago you wouldn't still be with your daddy, an' you wouldn't have met Rae, or me. Let her go, she can't affect your life any more, you have me, an' I have no intention of leavin' you, not ever." Jo felt his breathing come under control once more, and as she continued to rub circles on his back she knew that whatever happened about babies and the danger he put himself in every day, this was the man she wanted to be with, and nothing or no one would ever change that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Alex, who had come into work, after promising Mark he would be careful, and would be spending most of the day with Shannon, had been filling in some patient information sheets for Rae to take with her to The Willows' when he was informed that she had been involved in a shooting and was being brought into the ER. With a deep sigh he gathered all his paperwork together, put it back into the file, and, grabbing that and his coat from the chair in the doctor's lounge, which doubled as his office, he rushed down to wait for her.

"Nurse, could you file this away for me, please?" Alex handed over Rae's folder as he moved along the hallway. "Did they say how long they would be?" Alex was talking and running along at the same time, his voice coming out in tight gasps.

"They just drew up, Doctor." As the nurse finished speaking the gurney was brought through and Alex watched in horror as it was wheeled straight past him, the patient already in a body bag, but then the feelings were replaced with relief as he heard his name.

"Hi, Alex, I'm sorry about this, but Cheryl insisted, and why are you here? You should be home."

"Rae, oh, thank God, I … I."

"You thought that was me? Oh, Alex, I'm so sorry." Rae slid off the gurney before anyone could stop her, and Alex was instantly horror struck again as he saw her shirt. "It's not mine, Alex, I promise, none of it is mine."

The young doctor was finally able to pull himself together, he grabbed the wheelchair which was sitting just beside him and indicated for Rae to get in it. "Could you contact Doctor Travis please, and ask him to come into the hospital? Make it clear that his wife isn't badly injured." Rae looked a little sheepish, and he could see her mouth _sorry_ as he pushed her into the nearest trauma suite. As Alex went through the doors the nurse heard him speak again. "I'm here just doing paperwork, but I'm fine, and more than capable of treating my favourite patient."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse had been relaxing with his daughter when the phone rang, and for a while he thought that he was being plunged into a nightmare once again, the nurse on the other end of the phone had assured him that his wife wasn't seriously hurt, but that she would need to be picked up and taken home, and could he please bring a clean top with him. Even so he didn't waste any time getting to Community General, and he and Eliana arrived there half an hour after he had received the call.

Alex and Rae were still in the trauma suite when he arrived, but only because the ER wasn't all that busy and maternity was and so they were talking until they could move up to the fifth floor. He knocked on the glass and Alex beckoned him in.

"Honey, are you all right?" Jesse's eyes travelled to the blood on her clothing, but the doctor in him knew that she wouldn't be sitting looking at him if it belonged to her.

"I'm fine, a little shaken up, and I have a headache but I'm ok. Joseph Logan was killed, I couldn't push him out of the way in time. Dammit, Jess, I shouldn't have gone, maybe he would still be alive if it had been Steve and Cheryl who went to see him."

"Rae, you don't know that, you told me you believed in fate, that if it was your time to die then nothing would change that. I guess it's easy to say when you are trying to persuade me of something you want to do, but not so easy when somebody dies on your watch. Honey, let it go. You were trying to help, and you have to remember that above everything else."

Rae just nodded and Alex cleared his throat. "Jesse, I have arranged for Rae to have an ultrasound, just to make sure the baby is ok, and I want to check her arms and shoulders, she should be ready in about an hour, but you can come with us for the scan. 

"Alex, are you sure you're ok to be here?"

"I'm fine, Jesse, I was scared yesterday, I'll admit that, but Shannon is gonna be ok, and I am too. Like I said, I am fine."

With a smile Jesse handed Rae a glass of water and she groaned, then Alex and Eliana left the room while he helped her into a hospital gown. Once Rae was no longer covered in blood she saw Jesse's arms outstretched for her, and she leant into them and held him as tightly as she was able.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Steve had finished talking about Ellen the sun was gone and the air was chill. Jo shivered in his arms and he realised that they would have to be leaving before long. Suddenly he didn't want to go home, not to her house or any other, he wanted to stay out in the open, away from the world, just for a little longer. Jo must have read his thoughts because she turned in his arms and smiled, then she stood up and walked over to where the picnic things were and returned with another blanket. As she opened it up Steve could see that it was big enough for both of them and soon they were wrapped up inside it, the warmth from their bodies more than enough to ward off the night air.

"Mmm, this is nice; I guess you weren't planning on going home any time soon then?" Steve kissed her gently as he finished speaking.

"Nope, I want this to last as long as possible. Steve, I'm glad you told me about Ellen, an' I'm real sorry that she hurt you, but please, no more secrets, you don't have any more fiancée's in your past that you haven't told me about do you?"

"Well, there was a math teacher from New Mexico, who was real nice, and ooh yeah, a lady who taught Spanish, now she was fun …" Steve looked at her, his eyes twinkling and he laughed. "No, no, there is nobody else hiding in the shadows waiting to jump out, I promise you that, now come here, I don't want to talk any more."

Jo smiled at him, and pulling the blanket tighter around them began to kiss the man who she knew she would marry, maybe not in the way that she had planned, but that didn't bother her, she knew that however it happened it would be the way they both wanted, because she had finally found somebody who shared his life with her in the same way as she wanted to share hers with him.

They had been lying together, gently exploring each other's bodies as far as they could within the confines of the blanket for a little while when Steve's phone began to ring.   
  


Surprisingly neither of them was that disappointed, they'd had a wonderful day, and if reality was going to intrude then now was as good a time as any for it to happen. Steve stood up, making sure that Jo was still covered with the blanket, and he could feel her eyes on him as he did his shirt back up and picked up his cell.

"Sloan here… Hi, Michael… ok, I'll call her right now… no, we were just … just packing to come home anyway … that would be great, bye." Steve turned, "I need to call Cheryl, something happened on the drive by's, and Michael says he will have some soup and toast ready when we get back." Steve smiled and shook his head.

"An' you're surprised? He always knows just what we need, before even we do." Jo smiled and then began to pack up all the empty food containers, and fold the blankets. She had never yet left any indication of her presence in this glade, and that was the way it would always be. Steve sat on the edge of the tree stump and keyed in the familiar number.

"Hi, Cheryl, it's Steve." Jo sat next to him so she could hear both sides of the conversation.

"Oh, hey, Steve, I'm sorry to disturb you on your day off, I almost got through the whole day without having to call you."

"That's ok, it's not a problem, what happened?" Steve found that although he had only been away from his cases for a little under a day he did feel refreshed and ready to return to them.

"Steve, Logan is dead." Cheryl's voice was quiet, and Steve could hear the guilt in it.

"Dammit, how did that happen?"

"We went to see him, to try to get him to tell us where Bannister was, maybe make him understand that by keeping quiet he was condemning others to die."

"We, who is we? … No, don't tell me, Rae." Steve smiled fleetingly. "I guess she worked something out from the notes I left her, and called you, huh?"

"No, actually she called the Captain, Rae never does anything by halves, and he assigned her to me. But she had it all worked out, why Breth is doing this, who else she thinks will be targeted, and I have to say, Steve, I think that she is pretty much on the money. She was right about Logan, and if we'd hurried maybe we would have got the guy away. I am gonna get a search warrant in the morning to check through his house, but I'll check his laptop and his Filofax, Rae reckons that the address for Bannister is there somewhere and I think she's right."

"So, he did know where he was?" Steve sounded incredulous, but he was angry at himself for not pushing things a little harder.

"It appears so. Steve, I have to go, but I'm gonna go see Rae in the morning, I don't think they'll admit her, and we can go over all of this, did you want to meet me there?"

"Hold on, admit Rae, was she hurt?" Steve felt Jo grab at his arm as he spoke.

"She pushed Logan out of the way, banged her head, and she looked in pain to me when she was waiting for the ambulance, but I don't think she was hurt any more than that."

"Cheryl, she's pregnant, did you know that?"

"No, no, I didn't, maybe they will keep her in then, I don't know? Steve, I'm sorry, I have to go, but I'll be in touch in the morning, about nine."

"I'll give Jesse a call when I get home, and find out where she's gonna be. Bye, Cheryl." Steve looked at Jo and smiled, "One more call and then we'll head back to reality, ok?"

"Mmm, I guess, we need to find out how Rae is, don't we?" Jo was concerned, but the day was still theirs and before Steve could find the next number to call, she wrapped her arms around him and, pushing him down onto the tree stump, began to kiss him again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Alex, please, don't do it any more." Rae's voice was full of tears, and her pain was evident.  Jesse had his daughter in his arms and he was moving away down the hallway, he couldn't do anything to prevent her hurting and that was making him feel awful.

"Rae, ok, take a deep breath, I have to do the other two fingers, I'm sorry, I don't like doing this to you, but it's the way it has to be done."

Rae nodded, and took a deep breath. Alex took her hand in his again and began to press hard and deep under the nail bed of one of her fingers, pulling it backwards as he did so. Although she tried, Rae couldn't stop herself from crying out again, and Alex had to harden his heart and, as he released the pressure on the finger he had been working on, he immediately lifted her little finger and started once again.

"Ok, Rae, I'll stop for a few minutes before I do the other hand, can you show me how far you can move your right arm?" Alex's voice showed the relief he felt at having finished testing her hand, but he knew that he still had her left one to do.

Rae nodded her head, she was feeling very sick now, and just wanted to go home, but she knew that Alex wouldn't let her leave until he had finished checking her over, and so she carefully lifted her arm up into the air. Gradually she moved it higher and higher until just before it was level with her shoulder she had to stop. "I can't move it any further, Alex, I'm sorry, and I need to go to the bathroom." Rae stood up, turned and moved into the cubicle at the back of the room they were in, and Alex, knowing the amount of water she had drunk before her scan, took the opportunity to put his head round the door and check on Jesse.

As the two doctors were talking together quietly, they heard the unmistakable sounds of Rae being ill and Alex rushed back over to her. "Rae, Honey, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you were feeling like that, come and sit back down, I'll get you some water." 

"Alex, I'm all right, and I have had enough water to last me a lifetime. I guess it's just a combination of things, please, don't do the other hand, let me go home. There hasn't been any change, even though Doctor Tammai thought he felt something, I still can't move it, or do anything with it, please."

"Ok, I'll let you go, but if you feel dizzy, or are sick again I want you back, I know you're married to a doctor, but if there is any pain that you don't normally have, or anything out of the ordinary you get him to bring you in." Alex looked at his patient, and he could see that he had gotten through to her. "Rae, your baby is fine, the scan showed that it is more than happy right where it is, but you know you have to be careful."

"I do, and I will be wrapped in cotton wool and put to bed as soon as I get in, I can promise you that, but you need to do the same thing, go home and let Mark look after you." Rae moved her right arm again, and the pain crossed her features once more.

"Rae, I know you moved that real well for me, but it hurts, a lot, doesn't it?"

"Yeah, it does, Alex, but I landed on it, and I think that is probably why. Don't do or say anything, I'll get it looked at when I go to The Willows."

Alex just nodded, and watched as she left the room and joined her husband and child in the hallway, but he was concerned, concerned that she was pinning way too much hope on what they would be able to do for her once she got to the rehabilitation centre.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Jo and Steve had arrived home and eaten their late supper they were both ready for bed. They climbed the stairs, hand in hand and parted company to take separate showers, promising to meet under the covers in ten minutes.

Steve had called Rae as soon as he'd got in, but there had been just the answer phone to greet him. He had left her a message saying he would call in the morning, and then he had left work and all its problems behind him again. Now, he let the water run over the bruises he still had from Sandra Breth's car, and then he moved around a little so that the water played over the sore muscles from his day's exertions. When he had finally gotten off his horse in the stable yard, he had felt fine, but by the time he was climbing out of the car at home he felt about ninety, and as stiff as a board. Finally he turned the jets to cold, hoping that it would shock some life back into him. He was tired, but he knew he would be busy over the next few days, and he needed to talk with Jo tonight, while they had the chance to still be alone together. He grabbed a clean pair of boxers and then headed back down the hallway and into the master bedroom. Jo was already in bed, a cream silk lacy shawl across her bare shoulders.

"An' there I was thinkin' I took a long time in the shower."

"But you didn't have as far to walk back as I did."

Steve slid into bed beside her and was pleased that she immediately snuggled herself down next to him. She didn't waste any time beginning to talk about the things that were still on her mind. 

"Rae was hurt today, ok, maybe not badly, but she isn't even supposed to be workin' not officially, Steve, help me understand how I can cope with the worry of you bein' a cop." Jo didn't look up as she spoke, but she felt her lover take a deep breath in before he began to speak.

"I don't know if I can, but it's who I am, Jo, if I gave it up, did something else with my life, I wouldn't be the Steve Sloan you fell in love with, oh, I'd try to be, but being a cop is such a huge part of who I am that I just know I'd fail, dismally."

"Steve, when you found out that I used to be a cop how did you feel?"

"It's not the same thing, Jo, you aren't a cop any more, the feelings I had then have nothing to do with the ones I have now, now that you are asking me to give up my job."

"No, I'm not askin' you to do that, because I know that what you are sayin' is true, an' I love you for all that you are an' all that your life has made you, but it scares me, Steve, an' I don't do well with bein' scared. If anythin' happens to you, how will I cope, how will I be able to carry on without you?" Jo blinked back the tears that had come into her eyes, and felt Steve hold her a little more tightly.

"Honey, there is a problem with marrying me, I come as a package, it might just be you and me most of the time, but you will never ever need to be alone unless you want to be. I don't plan to be killed on the job, but if it ever happened, you would have Dad, Jesse, Rae, Amanda, you would cope, and …" Steve paused a moment, knowing he was about to bring up their other difficult subject. "And you would have our children too."

"Steve, don't." Jo closed her eyes, sometimes their problems seemed insurmountable. "I can't go through that again; you can't understand the helplessness, the feelin' of failure that loosin' David caused me."

"Jo, if you don't want to have a baby then we won't. I can't lie to you, I will be bitterly disappointed, but in the end you are the one I want to marry, and I know that it is you who would have to carry it and have far more worry than I would. But like I said before, you wouldn't be alone, please, Honey, please think about it some more, go and see Dad, or Jesse, they can keep a close eye on you, I can't tell you it won't happen again, but I can tell you that you will be watched, every step of the way, whether you want to be or not."

Jo leant up and kissed him gently on the lips, and ran a finger across his chest. She felt him shiver, and she moved away just a little bit and smiled at him. "We could always adopt or foster. There must be loads of youngsters out there who we could help."

"Oh, yeah, instant walking talking trouble. No preamble straight in at hormones, late nights and their own car!"

"See, they would have someone waitin' for them at home who was careful, considerate, an' understandin' what more could a needy child want!"

"Honey, I'm not trying to be hard or unfeeling, but I don't think that this is something that we can just talk about and solve instantly. It's like my job, we are gonna have to agree to disagree and stay together because we want to, because nothing else matters as much as that. Big problems like these we can try to overcome, or if not at least accept as a couple. I want to marry you, if you decide not to try for children I will still want to be married to you, we can talk about it again later and see how you feel in say six months time. I know that I wasn't very sympathetic when we talked about it before, but I was shocked. I have thought about it some, and it's you I'm gonna marry, not any children that may come from the marriage. If you had told me that you couldn't have children at all then I would still want to be with you… does that make sense?"

Jo looked at him and smiled. He had said a great deal, more than he usually said about things this serious, and she was touched by his words. "Yeah, it does, but it doesn't sound like you to just joke about adoption an' then dismiss it out of hand like that."

Steve looked at her, she hadn't moved back into his arms again after she kissed him, and he wanted her too. Slowly he began to think about what she had said, adoption, he had never seriously considered it, or fostering either. He had helped kids out at the Never Say Die Gym, given them a break whenever he could, but to take them into his home and his life, no, he had never thought about it. For an instant the face of Tommy Anders came into his mind. He was a good kid, and he worked full time at Kelly's gym now. In fact he was taking a management course at a local college, he was dating a lovely young girl who also trained at the gym and Steve knew that he'd had a part in turning Tommy's life around for him. It was a good feeling, and he hoped he would have the chance to do it again for more kids, but to adopt them, or even foster them like Amanda had done? He'd mentioned it, but not really with any intention of doing it, would he want a family that wasn't his? 

"Steve, Honey, what are you thinkin' about?"

"Sorry, Jo, I was thinking about what you said." Steve looked away from her, he felt ashamed of his feelings, as if he was somehow less caring because of them.

"I've said quite a lot of things today, which one?" Jo moved back against his chest, suddenly aware that he needed her there to give him a little courage.

"About adoption. I don't think that I could do that. Not in place of my own children, maybe as well as, but not instead of. If that makes me selfish I'm sorry, but some of those kids are hard work, I do my bit, I help where I can, but I never saw myself as a foster dad."

"Ok, like you said we can work on that too. Honey, the most important thing is that I want to be married to you, an' you want to be married to me. Do you want me to arrange a small private weddin' at your daddy's place as soon as I can?"

Steve looked down at her, this beautiful woman who was willing to put her fears aside to marry him, and he nodded. "I would like that very much, very much indeed." Steve ran his fingers into her hair and then his lips found hers, and as they began to kiss, and move against each other he knew that whatever problems they faced, together they would always deal with them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Rae and Jesse arrived home she was feeling very sleepy and just wanted to go straight to bed, she had slept almost the entire journey from the hospital to her house, and needed it to continue, Jesse however, had other ideas. 

"I am gonna put Eliana to bed and then check you over again, I know Alex sent you home, but before you go to sleep for the entire night I want to make sure you're ok."

Rae had just nodded her head and slumped, or as close as she could get to it, down on the sofa in the living room, closing her eyes and letting the world go on around her.

Jesse had finally got Eliana to stay quietly in her crib, but she hadn't wanted to go to bed at all, and had cried and screamed for at least twenty minutes before she had succumbed to the pacifier and her soft dolly and slipped into a peaceful but exhausted sleep. Jesse left the nursery as silently as he could, and then after getting his medical bag from the bedroom had returned to the living room. He wasn't at all surprised to see Rae fast asleep in front of him, but he knew that he needed to check her over, if only for his own peace of mind.

"Rae, Rae, come on, wake up, then I can do this and put you to bed."

It took him a while, but Jesse checked her over, and decided that she probably had a mild concussion, and was a little shocked. Added to that the fact that Alex had done that awful test on her, and she was pregnant, it wasn't surprising that she didn't want to make conversation, and kept falling asleep. A little over fifteen minutes after Jesse had left his sleeping daughter he was gently leading his wife to her bed, and making sure she was comfortable and safe under the covers, he drew the curtains and climbed in beside her, glad to have her safe and sound and with him once more.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the morning Amanda had a small pile of information for Steve, Cheryl and Rae, and the afternoon off to help a certain FBI Agent move into the City of Angels.  The foot hadn't really produced anything new, but the analysis on the residue which had been left on the floor of the locker had now been returned, and it opened up a few possibilities. Joseph Logan had been killed by the same gun that had killed the officers from Steve's precinct. Amanda wasn't surprised, and she knew that neither Cheryl nor Rae would be either.  After she had called through to Steve to let him know what she had, she called a police courier and had the information taken to the station for Steve, so that he could check it when he arrived at work.

Ron had arrived the night before, and had arranged to take the boys to school, and get the grocery shopping, so that they could then spend the afternoon together moving his stuff into the small apartment he was renting. It wasn't very big, just a kitchen, living room and bedroom with a shower room off that, but it didn't need to be any bigger. Amanda hoped that it was only going to be somewhere to keep his things until they decided that they really did want to be together and then be married and he could move into her house with her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse and Rae had been woken by their daughter, as they usually were, just before eight, but something had upset the little girl, because she was sobbing uncontrollably when Jesse went to get her, and nothing he could do or say would calm her. Rae had moved as quickly as she could to the nursery, and taken her, a little stiffly, into her own arms and almost instantly the intensity of the crying had changed and Eliana had begun to calm down.

"So, what did you do, that I didn't?" Jesse was cutting up some toast into fingers for the little girl as he spoke. Eliana was happy again, although she was quiet, and her face still showed that she had been crying.

"Nothing, sometimes children just want their mum. It's not uncommon, and all three of mine used to just want me at times, normally times when I wasn't there, which was a bit of a pain for the childminder, or for Tony." Rae leant over and took one of the pieces of toast and popped it in her own mouth with a smile.

"Hey, I can make you soldiers too, if you want, but taking food out of the mouth of your child, you cruel woman, and she wanted you over me. I don't know." Jesse smiled at the two ladies in his life, and got beautiful smiles back from both of them. "What did Tony or your childminder do about it? I didn't think she was gonna stop at all this morning, and I worry about her chest when she cries like that."

"In the end they just run out of steam, and you have to hope that they feel better and don't start up again. John and Patrick were similar to each other, John would cry and cry, and be inconsolable, and then suddenly he would stop. No warning, no settling down, nothing, he would just stop, shut his eyes and go to sleep, but it could take ten minutes or an hour, there was no way of knowing, and Patrick was almost the same, but he would calm down slightly, ball his little hands into fists and rub at his eyes, and then you knew you were on the home run."

"And Mara…?" Jesse looked at Rae and she raised her eyes to the heavens. "I don't want to know, do I?"

"She was horrendous. I've told you before that Tony and I didn't sleep in the same bed for six months, well, when she started nobody or nothing could stop her, except me. Which was great if I was home, I could get her sorted out quite quickly, but if I was working, well, Tony had her cry for a whole eight hour shift once. He even phoned me and begged me not to do a moment's overtime, but to come home as soon as I could."

"And then what happened?"

"She looked at me, smiled, curled up in my arms and went to sleep." Rae chuckled at the memory, "I felt so guilty, poor guy, he was beside himself, and I did absolutely nothing, and it was solved."

"I have a lot of sympathy for your ex-husband; I should definitely have compared notes with him before I married into the Yeager clan!"

Rae stuck her tongue out at her husband, and then sighed as the entranceway phone began to ring. "Sometimes I loathe that security phone." Slowly she got to her feet, and Jesse was reminded that she had only yesterday been in the emergency room once again. He sat there, gazing at his daughter, who was looking intently at him, and poked his tongue out at her. To his horror she did exactly the same back, and then laughed. 

"We have got to stop doing that." Jesse reached out and stroked her face, and her little hand came up, trapping his fingers, and she just beamed at him. "Yeah, and that doesn't work, I am hardened to your charms, but I guess just this once a kiss wouldn't hurt, huh?" He leant over and kissed Eliana on the cheek and this time she wrapped her arms around him, and he was besotted all over again.

Rae waited at the front door to her home, and smiled as first Jo and then Steve climbed out of their cars and came towards her. "Don't you two ever travel anywhere together? It's like the Royal Family not travelling on the same plane."

"Oh, ha ha, I see someone recovered quickly, no, I'm working and Jo is going home again. It could be worse, she could have had Michael drive her, then you would have three of us descending on you."

"That would have been nice, I haven't seen Michael in a while, and he's the only one of you who talks properly."

"You know, sometimes I wonder why we come an' visit with the Travis's, although I have to say the doctor is a real nice man, but I have a lot of trouble with his wife!" Jo smiled at her friend and carefully hugged her. "Honey, are you all right? You need to be careful, what with the baby an' all."

"Yeah, Texas, I'm ok, a little sore and very annoyed, but I'm ok really."

Steve came over and smiled at the two women as they stood together, "Rae, I hope you don't mind, but Cheryl is gonna come here, we need to talk over what happened yesterday, and what we can do now, and I want you to look at the body parts case too, have you read the file on that yet?"

"No, I thought it was more important to look at the drive by's first. Look, we don't need to stand in the hallway, go into the living room and I'll put the coffee on and join you."

Jesse came out with Eliana as the three friends came into the house, and the little girl seeing her Uncle Steve began to bounce and get excited. With a smile the big detective took her into his arms, and she seemed all at once to shrink in size. Although she was now almost a year old, Eliana was still small for her age, and was wearing a jogging set that was aged 8 to 10 months.

Steve went into the living room, his precious cargo held carefully in his arms, and sat down on Tony's chair and began to play horsey with his goddaughter, the case and all its problems forgotten just for a while. Rae had put the coffee on, and as she came into the room she turned to Jo and smiled, "Think he'll be able to bounce one child on each knee, or maybe more than that when you have your children? This house is gonna be crawling with little Sloan's and Travis's."

Rae turned back to see how her daughter was enjoying the game, and so didn't see the pained look that crossed her friend's features. As Rae sat watching she felt Jo's hand on her arm, and turned back to see that she was now smiling, and looking excited.

"What? You have got a plan for something, come on, give, details, remember, I need details, on everything."

"Are you workin' with Steve, or was yesterday just a one off, for a while at least?"

"It was a one off; I'm not ready to go back to work, not in any shape or form. I thought I could help but all that happened was somebody got killed. I don't plan to do anything but give my opinion, not for the foreseeable future." Rae closed her eyes for an instant. She still felt incredibly guilty over the death of Joseph Logan, and although she had yet to do so, she planned to take full responsibility for his demise when she wrote her report.

"So you would have time to help me arrange a weddin' then?"

"What?" Rae's eyes shot open and were instantly as large as saucers. "Why, I mean when for? Whose wedding, yours?"

Jo was laughing, and enjoying her friend's reaction, and so for a moment all she did was nod, but then with a glint in her eye she began to speak. "Yes, my weddin', an' I want it to happen before you go to The Willows, I thought maybe next Wednesday or Thursday. It won't be a big weddin', I need to arrange a priest, an' Michael will sort out the food, but you an' I we can do the rest can't we? Only trouble is, well, what I know about weddin's could fit on the head of a pin and still leave room for the angels to dance."

Rae's laughter burst from her as she listened to her friend, "Girl, what did you do on that picnic? I thought you were getting married at Easter." Rae's eyes were sparkling now, and Jo could see that not only had she piqued her friend's interest, but that she was already arranging things in her mind.

"Steve doesn't want a big weddin', an' I don't really, I just felt I had to. But I can have a party any time an' we can invite all the people who would have been comin' to the weddin', an' raise money for the hospital, or somethin' similar instead of havin' loads of presents we don't need anyway. So, what do you say, are you in?"

"You try and stop me. Where are you going to have the service? I think the beach house would be lovely, the sand doesn't get too crowded at this time of year, and it would be so romantic with the sea crashing down behind you." Rae's mind was working fast, she could think of all sorts of things to do and say, "What about bridesmaids, do you have any cousins, or anyone that could do that for you? And I guess David will come up to give you away, what are you going to wear? You won't be able to get a dress made by next week!"

"Ok, in order, I think. We called Mark this mornin' an' yes, the service will be at the beach. I don't have any family, except David, an' Michael I guess. I would like you to be my bridesmaid. An' as for what to wear, well, we will go shoppin' you said you needed stuff for The Willows, so we can go joggin' bottom and weddin' an' bridesmaid dress shoppin' this afternoon, how about it?"

Rae had begun to smile as soon as Jo had said about her being a bridesmaid. "I think that I would be called a matron of honour, and I would be delighted to do that for you. As for the shopping, well those two departments are always so close together in the stores! If you're sure you really want a dress off the rack, then I would love to go with you this afternoon. What about Steve, what will he wear?"

"I guess he will wear his dress suit," Jo lowered her voice to a whisper, "To be honest I hadn't thought about what he would be wearin'."

"He can go shopping himself, maybe Jesse could go with him. He has the dark blue suit that he wore when we went off for our honeymoon, I just love him in that, but he could do with a new suit." Another thought suddenly came to Rae.  "Honeymoon, what are you going to do for a honeymoon?"

"We haven't talked about it yet, but I thought we could just go down to the ranch for a few days, an' then have a proper vacation after the party or whenever Steve can fit some leave in. I saw an advertisement for a tropical island, just a small one, with a beautiful house on it. Maid service, an' no other people, no TV, nothin' but you an' the sun, sea an' sand. I think I could cope with some of that around April or May time."

Rae looked at her friend, and smiled at her. "It sounds lovely; you know you seem more at ease now. How do you feel about him being a cop? It's not going to change, and I know you are scared about it, will you be ok?"

"I have to be, Rae, I love him, everythin' else pales into insignificance when I realise that. I will worry about him every time he leaves the house, but I will always be there when he comes home again, because in the end that's where I want to be, an' if that means waitin' at home for a cop then I'll do it."

Rae smiled, leant over and kissed her friend. "You'll be ok, he's careful, Texas, I've worked with a lot of different cops over the years, and he is the most careful of them all, and he loves you, he wants to come home, and that makes a lot of difference. I think you will enjoy being Mrs Sloan, almost as much as I enjoy being Mrs Travis."

The two friends laughed and looked across the room, Jesse and Steve were both now sitting on the floor, a pile of blocks on the carpet between them, and they were showing Eliana how to build a tower, and both Jo and Rae knew that whatever happened in the future, they would survive, cope and thrive, because of the two men playing building bricks.


	20. Progressing Nicely

**Progressing Nicely**

Rae and Jo had left the two men to play and had sat chatting about the prospect of a wedding the following week. At Rae's bidding Jo had put a call through to the minister that she had planned to marry them on Easter Saturday, and had been delighted to find that he was free on the Thursday. He had enquired about Steve's religious preferences and when Jo had admitted to not knowing had asked her to contact him before the service.

With a set day to plan for, Rae and Jo had disappeared into the family room and begun surfing the internet for all the things that they needed. They looked through some wedding dress sites, and found themselves either oohing and ahhing or collapsing into giggles at the wonderful and wacky dresses they found. One success was a beautiful softly falling bridesmaid dress that both Jo and Rae loved. They took a note of the address, and as it was also a bridal store were hopeful that they might find something for the bride as well.

It was just after ten when the security phone began to ring and, with a sigh, Rae pulled herself away from the pleasantries of the last hour or so and headed for the door. Two minutes later Cheryl was coming into the house, a laptop, and the other things that Joseph Logan had with him when he was killed, in her arms.

"Rae, Jo, how are you?" The two friends smiled, and from the brightness of their eyes, Cheryl could tell that they were both more than fine. "Now, what is going on here? You are both up to something."

Rae waited, not knowing whether or not the wedding was common knowledge, but with a smile Jo began to talk. "We have decided that we can't wait to get married, so next Thursday, as long as the groom can get the day off, we are gettin' hitched. I hope that you will be able to come."

"Next Thursday? Hey, I'm not scheduled to work that day, I would love to come." Cheryl looked thrilled to have been asked.

"You can bring a friend, you know that don't you? We won't expect you to come alone. There won't be many people it's just gonna be a small service, I will get an invitation to you by Wednesday."

"Thank you, Martin should be out of the hospital by then."

"Martin?" Jo's eyes began to glint even more. "Girl, you have been keepin' things from me. When did you an' he get together?"

"A couple of months ago. Just after Rae went to … jail … I needed someone to lean on, and he was there and he understood." Cheryl stopped speaking, and was pleased to feel Rae's hand on her arm. "We haven't told anybody yet, not officially, but Rae knew, and Steve. Jo, could you invite him separately? We can be together without being together, just in case the Captain or the Chief is there."

Both Rae and Cheryl could tell by the look of horror on Jo's face that she hadn't considered inviting Steve's superior officers. With a smile Rae began to speak. "I'll just go and get the guest list." Rae headed back into the living room and picked up the tablet they had been working on. She looked around and saw that Steve, Jesse and Eliana were now out in the back yard, and not wanting to intrude, but desperately wondering what they were talking about, she moved over towards the door to hear Steve speaking.

"…So, I told her. I didn't think I would ever be able to let somebody else know what happened, even Rae doesn't know, and the other things well, we'll cope, just like you and Rae have done." 

Rae could hear the smile in her husband's voice as he began to speak. "Yeah, we have, haven't we? I'm trying to understand why she has to go to The Willows, she knows that now, and that I appreciate her wanting to go back to work with you, but you keep her safe, Steve, you watch her back."

Rae suddenly felt like an intruder, and she moved quietly away, and then began to call out so they knew she was there. "Jesse, Steve, Cheryl is here."

The two men turned with smiles on their faces, and Rae felt even worse. She moved over to Jesse and kissed him gently on the lips. "He always has watched my back, Jesse, and I watch his. I'm sorry, I was listening in."

"Ooh, I wish I'd known, I could have said all sorts of things." Jesse smiled as she stuck her tongue out at him and then laughed out loud at the look of horror on her face as their daughter, happy in her daddy's arms did the same thing to her mom.

By the time Cheryl and Steve had a cup of coffee and Rae an herbal tea it was almost half past ten, the three of them sat in the lounge, the laptop and Filofax on the table in front of them. 

Quietly they went through the files of addresses, accounts and everything else they could find on Joseph's laptop, but all the addresses tied up with the name above them, and everybody that they called had no idea where George was. They were all getting very frustrated and annoyed by the time that they had got to the end of the names and Rae could tell that Steve was sorely tempted to throw the laptop across the room.

Cheryl had picked up the Filofax and was working her way through it, standing behind Rae so that she could check on any addresses that were duplicated. There were only four that weren't, and they had all proved to be non-starters too. Finally the three of them looked at each other. 

"It must be at the house, you got a search warrant didn't you, Cheryl?" Rae looked up at her friend and colleague with a puzzled look.

"Yeah, and unfortunately I have already searched it once. So I guess I know what I am doing for the rest of the day." Cheryl's words were accompanied by a groan, and she plonked herself down on the sofa with a sigh.

"What about his bank, did he have a safety deposit box? We struck gold with them one time, remember Steve?"

Her partner did, and he smiled at the memory. Just before Rae's world had gone bad, and Levington had taken Jesse, they had wound up a triple murder with the information they found in a safe and some safety deposit boxes.

"Remember all those diamonds? I wonder what happened to them; I actually got to run my fingers through diamonds." Rae smiled and then seemed to pull herself together. "Ok, I guess you are going to go search George's place again, Steve, what are you going to do?"

"Well, unlike some people I am working on more than one case right now, and I have to go and investigate the dust found in a bus station locker."

"Gee, you get all the good jobs don't you, Sloan?" Cheryl smiled. "Look, I'll search the house again and then go back to the precinct. If you come back there after you have done whatever it is you have to do to check your dust I can let you know what I've found, ok?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Steve smiled. It had been a long time since he had worked with Cheryl but they seemed to just slot back together like two pieces of a puzzle.

Five minutes later, both Steve and Cheryl had left and Rae was getting another drink before carrying on with the pleasant task of helping her best friend arrange her wedding when the security phone rang again. "Hello, Mrs. Travis… Um, yeah, just keep him talking for a minute will you, I need to … just get something out of the oven and then send him up… Hold on" Rae suddenly thought of something else. "When Lieutenant Sloan gets here, don't announce him, just let him through." Rae put the phone down and quickly moved over to the ordinary handset and dialled Steve's cell phone.

"Steve, it's me, you need to get back here right now… no, Jo's fine, but George just signed in at the gatehouse… Yeah, you can just drive straight in." Rae put the phone down without even saying goodbye and was dismayed to see that George was already outside. She opened the door knowing that he would be aware of her call from the guard.

"George, what are you doing here?" Rae held the door wide, and the man walked straight past her without a word, a copy of the daily paper in his hand, and seeing the living room in front of him went in there. "Well, just come right on in, why don't you?" Rae mumbled to herself as she turned, and then with a sigh and a grimace, as she flexed her fingers, she followed him. Rae knew what the headline said; they had a paper delivered themselves. Across the top were splashed the words, 'Drive By Shooter Strikes Again', and underneath was a smaller headline, 'police protection fails to prevent murder of latest victim.'

Jo and Jesse had taken Eliana into the nursery when Steve, Cheryl and Rae had engaged police mode, and after playing peek a boo for a while had returned to the stacking of blocks and the shape sorter. Eliana had no interest in using them properly, but she liked to watch everybody else play with them. As they sat they chatted about the forthcoming wedding, and a hundred other things that just flitted into their minds, both of them relaxed and happy, knowing that their partners were the same. Steve and Cheryl had come in and said their goodbyes, and after Jo had watched Steve leave she had smiled at Rae, but returned to the nursery, knowing that her friend would join them as soon as she could.

"Jo?"

"Mmm, yeah, Jesse, what is it?" Jo was trying to get Eliana to put a circular shape into the sorter, but wasn't having much luck.

"I don't want to embarrass you, or worry you, or anything like that, but if you would like me to give you a medical exam, you know, so that you can consider starting a family, well you only have to ask. I know that Mark is your doctor, but he isn't working right now, and unless you would prefer to have a stranger do it, I will be happy to do so." The sound of the security phone cut across his train of thought and Jesse stopped talking.

"Jesse, thank you, an' yes, I'll come in later in the week. I think it would put my mind at rest just a little to know that things are as they should be. I'm real scared about havin' a baby, but Steve an' Mark are right, I have loving friends around me now, an' …." Jo's words were cut off, as she and Jesse heard Rae scream out.

"No!"

Rae had sat down on Tony's chair, and watched as the obviously distraught man had roamed her living room. "George, sit down, we can't talk about this until you sit down."

To her amazement he had done exactly what she said, and then she looked into his eyes, and smiled a sad smile. "George I am so sorry about Joseph, but we need to find Sandra Breth, she will kill more innocent people, and she already has way too much blood on her hands as it is."

"I don't know where she is…" George's words seemed to disappear into the distance, and Rae knew that this man was grieving, just the same as she would for Jesse, or Steve would for Texas.

"George, do you know where and when you were gonna be getting married?"

"Yeah, I know that. I didn't when I spoke with you and Steve, but I remembered." 

Rae waited but it was clear that there was nothing more coming. "George, I said I was sorry about Joseph, and I tried to push him out of the way, but you shouldn't have left, it wouldn't have happened if you had stayed." Rae knew that she had said the wrong thing as his eyes began to flame, and then he stood and in one quick movement he was coming for her, his hands outstretched as he aimed for her throat.

"No! George, no!" 

"Bannister, hold it right there."

Rae had never been so glad to hear Steve's voice in her life. She continued to back away, but turned as she did so, and could see that her partner had his gun trained on George Bannister, who had stopped as soon as he heard Steve speak. Gradually the man turned in on himself in front of them, his legs gently gave way under him and as he collapsed to the floor they could all hear him calling for his lost lover.

Jesse and Jo had rushed from the nursery as they heard Rae's cry, but Steve had been there just before them, and they had let him do his job first. Now though, Jesse ran straight over to his wife, who was standing, looking shaken and a little lost.

"Rae, Honey, are you all right?"

"What? Oh, Jess, he … he was gonna …" Rae couldn't say it, the tears came up in her eyes, and she knew that however brave she wanted to be, she couldn't stop them from falling. Jesse gently cradled her in his arms, and felt the tears escape her. After a couple of minutes he knew that she was calming down and so he turned to his friends.

"Jo, could you take Rae into the other room, just for a while, I need to check him over." Jesse looked down at the fallen man. He hadn't moved in all the time that Jesse had been with Rae, and the doctor in him came to the surface, and he knew he had to treat him.

"Sure, come on, Honey, let's go an' sit in the family room for a little minute." 

With a grateful smile Rae took her friend's hand in hers, and already feeling much better, she turned. "See, I told you he watched my back." Then with a soft kiss on her husband's cheek Rae left Jesse and Steve to finish up what she had started.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Jesse had checked George Bannister over, and Steve had placed him under arrest, Jo had called for an ambulance to take him to Community General. Jesse could see that he was suffering from shock, and he also had a feeling that he hadn't eaten or drunk very much in the last twenty four hours. Rae had told Jo that George knew the name of the church and the wedding date, and Steve had managed to get them out of him before he was driven away. Once Jesse had left the house as well, and he had called through to Cheryl, Steve checked in on Rae and Jo who had gone back to her friend in the family room, and was pleased to see that Rae was fast asleep, and Jo was looking through wedding dress designs on the internet. 

"Are you gonna stay here with Rae and Eliana?" Steve came over and stood behind his fiancée. "Good grief, you wouldn't actually wear that would you?"

"Steve! Now I'll have to choose another one, you know it's bad luck for the groom to see the gown." Jo smiled, she would get married in her bathrobe, rather than wear the dress on the screen, but she knew Steve wouldn't realise that.

"You're kidding, right? Jo, Honey, it's … well it's, God, Jo, it's awful" Steve looked at the dress in front of him. It was long, brides always wore long, he knew that, but they didn't usually have black in their dresses did they? It looked like the top was velvet, black velvet, and the skirt was white, with a black edge all the way round.

Jo couldn't keep her giggles in any longer, and when Steve saw her shoulders begin to shake, he knew that he'd been had. 

"It is awful isn't it? The only thing I can think of is that you would wear it if you were in mournin' but I'm not so you needn't worry, I won't be comin' out of the beach house in that little number." Jo paused for a minute and then smiled up at him. "I knew you would come check on us, so I looked it up an' minimized it. Then when you came in I just called it up, an' presto, I gotcha!"

Steve kissed her gently on the top of her head, and was just leaning over to kiss her properly when she stood up and kissed him tenderly on the lips. As Steve's fingers began to move in her hair that he loved so much they heard a sound.

"Oh, for goodness sake, at least wait until you are newly weds to start behaving like them!" Rae was laying on the sofa a sleepy smile on her face. Jo pulled away from Steve immediately and moved across, crouching down beside her friend.

"Honey, are you all right? Jesse told me I was to take your pulse an' your temperature, an' I wasn't to let you move off this sofa if you felt at all ill."

Rae smiled, she was a little more alert now and slowly she moved herself into a sitting position. "Ow!" She couldn't help but let out a small cry of pain, but once she was upright she was fine once again. 

"Rae, what happened?"  It was Steve who asked the question. Although he had the information on the church which he was about to go and sort out, he had no idea why he had heard her shout out as he pushed the front door, that Rae had left open for him.

"I told him that I was sorry that I hadn't been able to save Joseph, and then I said that if he hadn't left he would probably still be alive. I guess it wasn't a very clever thing to say because he leapt to his feet, and …" Rae swallowed hard, and then continued. "He came at me, his hands were out in front of him and I just knew he was aiming for … my throat, and I called out… and then you were there, thank you, Steve."

"No problem. Now I am going to Saint Kevin's church."

"Saint Kevin, oh, there can't be a Saint Kevin surely." Jo laughed as she spoke, "What did he do?"

"I have no idea, but I'm sure I'll find out. Rae, I agree with Jesse, you take care today."

"I will, don't worry, Texas and I were going shopping, but I think we have a little more planning and organising to do before we get to that stage." Rae stood up, and Steve could see that she seemed fine, not at all wobbly, or dizzy. He leant over and kissed her tenderly on the cheek.

"You be careful, I need you back, ah, listen, can we talk about body parts maybe tomorrow? You could come over for dinner, and then we could go through what I have?"

"Yeah, ok, I haven't looked at it all yet, but I'll get on it tonight, and then I will be up to speed tomorrow… Great, homework, just what I need." Rae returned the kiss and then she and Jo moved out to the front door, this time Rae said nothing when the happy couple kissed each other goodbye, but she did grin at them when they stopped. With a final wave Steve got into his car, and headed off to, he hoped, sort out the drive by shootings once and for all.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Father Gerald was a small, rotund little man, and had been the priest of Saint Kevin's for just over ten years. He'd received a telephone call, and was now waiting in the front vestibule for a Los Angeles police detective.

"Father Gerald?" 

Although he had been expecting his visitor, the voice surprised him, and he turned to see a tall, well built man standing in front of him, his arm outstretched in greeting and smiled.

"Lieutenant Sloan? I'm pleased to meet you. Won't you come through into the house?" Steve nodded and followed the priest through a carefully tended garden into a small, but meticulously tidy home. "Please take a seat, Lieutenant, can I get you anything? A cup of coffee or tea perhaps?"

Steve smiled; he could tell that the Father was very nervous. "No, I'm fine, thank you. I need to ask you about a parishioner of yours, she may not still attend, but at one time you were going to arrange her wedding. Her name is Sandra Breth." If Steve had hoped for instant recognition he was disappointed, there was no trace of anything on the face of the man sitting opposite from him.

For a moment Father Gerald was silent, his eyes resting on Steve's belt. In an almost reflex action Steve moved his hand, and felt the butt of his gun. "I'm sorry, Lieutenant, but I'm not used to having someone sit in my house with a loaded gun on their person."

Steve moved his jacket slightly so that the gun was no longer visible, and the priest seemed to relax a little. "Thank you. Now, you said you needed to look at my records, and I have them here. How long ago was it that you needed to check?"

"Do you keep a record of weddings that are arranged and then cancelled? Because, if you don't, then we can save ourselves the trouble of wading through all these books." 

"I keep a record of everything, Lieutenant; these are the books with information on weddings going back to the week I joined this diocese. Do you know when exactly this wedding was supposed to be?"

"I do, but I don't know when it was planned." Steve could have kicked himself, he hadn't asked George any more than the two most pressing questions, but then he probably wouldn't have been able to answer him anyway.

Once they had removed all the books that were obviously too recent, or too far back into the past they had three books left to go through. 

"Sandra Breth you say, do you know the name of her intended?" The priest had put a small pair of round glasses on his nose and was opening up the book he had balanced on his knees.

"Bannister, George Bannister." There was still no recognition, and Steve opened his book with a sigh, and then held his breath. Things like this didn't happen to him, but there, the first entry in the book was Sandra Breth and George Bannister. "I don't believe this, I've found it." Steve held the book up for Father Gerald to see. The date was set for Saturday March first at eleven." That agreed with what George had said, and then a thought lodged itself in the front of Steve's brain and he checked his watch, "and this Saturday is the 1st of March again." 

"There is an address here, Lieutenant, Miss Breth lives or lived quite a way from here." 

"Why did she want to be married here then, Father?" 

"Let me see." There was silence as the priest moved closer to look at the records, and then thought a little. Finally he smiled. "There is a little 'f' in the margin, which means a member of her family had been married here, probably her parents, and she wished to do the same."

"Oh, right." Steve could understand that, he was looking forward to being married at the house he had shared with his mom and dad."

The Priest's voice came from behind Steve's shoulder, and he looked back down at the book. George's address was the one where he still lived, and there, next to it was an address for Ms S. Breth, and he was right, it was an address on the outskirts of Los Angeles, it appeared that she worked for a Mr. Stuart Mitchell. Suddenly Steve spotted something else.

"What is that little star by George's name, Sir?"

"What? Oh, that." Father Gerald peered through his glasses. "That means that the groom wasn't a Catholic. I'm not aware of your religious persuasion, Lieutenant, but if a Catholic is marrying a non-Catholic then there are certain procedures that have to be carried out."

"What? Oh yeah, I know that, Father, but it would take longer to get the wedding arranged in that case wouldn't it?"

"Oh yes, it takes at least four months to arrange a Catholic wedding, and normally a lot longer than that. In fact I am marrying a couple on Saturday; they have been planning for over two years. Two years, and every Friday at three the bride's mother has been calling with her questions and queries. I can't tell you how much I am looking forward to Saturday, Lieutenant."

"I'm afraid that you won't be able to undertake that wedding on Saturday, unless I have apprehended Ms Breth before then. I'm sorry, Sir." Steve felt compelled to apologise as he saw the look of horror that passed across the Priest's face.

"I don't have a free Saturday for over six months, Lieutenant; I cannot have that woman calling me for the next six months." The Priest looked up to the heavens as if asking for forgiveness, and then let out an extremely heavy sigh.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had been formulating plans all the way to the address given in Father Gerald's book, but unless Sandra Breth was still a resident there, none of them were workable. He'd put a call through to Cheryl while he was still at St Kevin's, and now as he drew up to the entry control point at the main gates, he showed his ID to the man on duty.

"I would like to speak with Mr. Mitchell, please." Steve waited as the security guard checked his details and thought how young he looked.

"Are you expected, Sir?"

"No, no, I'm not, but I need to speak with him on a matter of some urgency." Steve smiled to himself, he sounded like a training video.

As the man went back into his security office Steve could see that he wore a jacket with Mitchell Security emblazoned across the back and watched as he began talking on the phone. A few moments later the young man was back. "If you would like to drive up to the main house you will be met on your arrival. You will be required to wear this visitor's badge for the entirety of your visit, Sir."

Steve signalled his understanding with a wave of the hand, and then followed the basic instructions he had been given. Sure enough about three minutes later he was drawing up outside a large, almost white house that made Jo's home look like a potting shed.  Steve parked his truck, and then walked towards the front door.  He made sure that the plastic badge with Visitor written on it was clearly visible, and then rang the bell.

"Yes, Sir, can I help you?" The door was opened by a very tall distinguished looking butler, not at all like the friendly welcoming version he had at home.

"Lieutenant Steve Sloan, LAPD." Steve held up his ID. 

"Oh, yes, Sir, Mr. Mitchell is waiting for you, please follow me." The man stood back and let Steve enter the house. The hallway was huge, with beautiful soft grey marble on the floor and up in columns at regular intervals around it. "If you would like to come this way you are expected in the morning room."

Steve smiled, there must be something about morning rooms, it was Jo's room of preference too.  Steve shook all thoughts of home from his mind, he wasn't here to compare drapes, he was on official business. He had himself back in line by the time the butler stopped walking and opened an extremely ornate door.

"Lieutenant Sloan, LAPD, Sir."

"Thank you, please send him in, Jonathon, and then we will partake of tea." Steve was unable to see the object of his visit yet, but the voice was deep and obviously used to being completely in control of every situation.

"Very good, Sir."  The door was opened a little wider and Steve went into the room, and heard the door shut behind him. Although he had pushed the comparisons of home out of his mind this room was, even to his eyes, spectacular, and in complete contrast to the simplicity Jo preferred. It was definitely a man's taste. Everything in the room was either black or white, from the floor to the ceiling. Thankfully the furniture was either black framed chairs, or white sofa's. Steve was sure he would sink into a deep depression if he had to carry out his interview whilst sitting on a black couch, especially as the one indicated seemed to swallow him up.

"Lieutenant, what can I do for you?"

"Sir, I am investigating a series of drive by shootings, and we have reason to believe that one of our main suspects is resident at this address. I need to find out if this is the case, and whether she is still here. If she is I need to speak with her, and check her … living quarters."

"I see, and you have a search warrant for that do you, Lieutenant?" Mr. Mitchell was a little younger than Steve, but he had steel grey hair, and a pampered look to him.

"No, Sir, but I have a colleague getting one as we speak. I only found out that she lives or lived here a little while ago, I decided to come here first in the hope that we could work together."

"I see, and the name of this person?"

"Breth, Sandra Breth, we believe her to be responsible for over ten deaths in the last few months, we also believe that she will strike again on Saturday, and we want to prevent any further bloodshed." Steve found that he couldn't keep the passion and emotion out of his voice. He owed it to his dead colleagues to close this case. He guessed he shouldn't have give out so much information, but somehow he felt he would need to say more than normal to get what he wanted.

"And you're sure that you have the right person, Lieutenant?" Stuart Mitchell's voice had become hard and Steve wondered why.

"Yes, Sir, we are sure, why?"

"Because Miss Breth has been my secretary, companion … and friend … for the last four years, not all of them at once, in fact she has only been my secretary for the last eighteen months or so, but she has lived here for, as I said, four years, and I have no intention of letting you see her unless you are one hundred per cent sure of your facts.

Steve sat for a moment and just stared at the man in front of him, then with a sinking heart he asked a question he didn't really want the answer to. "How much of a friend, Sir?"

"That, Lieutenant, is none of your business."

The door to the morning room opened and Jonathon came back into the room, a tray containing a silver tea set in his hands. He extended the legs underneath the tray and placed it on the table. He then looked over to Steve. "How do you take your tea, Sir? Milk and sugar?"

"No, just milk, thank you." Steve looked at the little delicate tea cups and wished that Rae was with him. She would have been served first, and he could have followed her lead. He cast his eyes over his hands and they seemed too big to cope with the small handles on the beautiful crockery. Steve carefully took hold of the saucer as his beverage was offered to him. "Thank you, Jonathon."

"Thank you, Sir." The man smiled, and then handed the second cup to his master, and silently left the room.

"Well, well, someone who knows how to speak to a butler, I am impressed, Lieutenant."

Steve inclined his head slightly; he had no intention of letting on that he had a far superior version waiting at home. "I need to know how friendly you are with Miss Breth, Sir, and also when I can speak with her, and search her quarters. I am presuming that you knew she was engaged to be married four years ago?"

"Yes, Lieutenant, it was I who helped her get over her grief when that … that fiancée of hers left her." The way the man spat out the words made Steve worry a little about his facts. He was, as the man had put it, one hundred percent sure, but he had a feeling that even that wouldn't sway this guardian of Sandra Breth's rights.

"Mr. Mitchell, I don't have to give you any information, other than the fact that I wish to speak with one of your employees." Steve finished his tea and with a sigh of relief stood up and placed the cup back on the tea tray. "If you would let me know where she is I will undertake my duties. As I said my colleague is on her way with a warrant. Once that arrives she will start the search of Miss Breth's rooms."

"I am not sure if she is here at the moment. She asked for, and got, extended leave. She had time owing to her, but she requested three weeks unpaid vacation too. There was no reason not to grant it, apart from the fact that my office does not run as efficiently without her. She will be back at work on Monday morning."

Steve was just about to begin speaking again when the phone by the side of Mr. Mitchell's chair began to ring. "Yes? … I see, well they can wait outside in the hallway, but please direct them up to the house as you did Lieutenant Sloan … Thank you." He put the phone down and then turned to Steve. "Your colleague, Detective Banks, has just arrived, with two extra officers; I imagine that is what you would call back up. Would she have your search warrant, Lieutenant?"

"Yes, Sir, she would." The two men sat in silence until there was, a few minutes or so later, a knock on the door. 

"Come." 

Jonathon opened the door, "Detective Banks, Sir."

"Thank you Jonathon, please send her in." Both men stood as she moved into the room and Steve could see the warrant in her hand.

"Mr. Mitchell, Lieutenant." Cheryl looked at the two men in front of her and smiled.

"I have your warrant, Sir."

"Thank you, Detective." Steve moved over and took the document from his temporary partner. He was relieved that she had brought some extra men with her, and although not surprised he was disappointed that they had to remain outside the room.

"Detective Banks, won't you please take a seat?" Mr. Mitchell indicated to another vacant chair, and Cheryl sat down. "Would you like some tea?"

"No, Sir, thank you, I'm fine." Cheryl smiled over at the man sitting opposite her, and somehow the atmosphere in the room softened a little. Steve quickly filled her in on what he had found out so far, and five minutes later they were following Mr. Mitchell up a gently curving staircase towards the rooms of Sandra Breth.

Steve and Cheryl both drew their guns, ignoring the 'is that really necessary?' enquiry from their now unwilling host. "Open up, Police." Steve found that he was holding his breath, and willing the apartment to give up its occupant, but there was no sound, and Steve knew that no one was home. He gave a sign to Cheryl and they lowered their weapons. Mr. Mitchell moved forward and unlocked the door with the security passkey he had requested from Jonathon before they had begun their ascent.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

George Bannister had been checked over by Jesse, and he had decided to admit him overnight. Jesse had then gone down to Lauren's office to see if she could make plans for a counsellor to visit with him in the morning before he was discharged. Jesse was pleased to know that it could be arranged, but he seemed to be reluctant to leave.

"Jesse, is there a problem?" Lauren had looked at the doctor standing before her. She hadn't spoken with him privately for a long while, and she could see the worry behind his eyes.

"Yeah, do you have an appointment that I could take?" Jesse had begun hesitantly, but he knew that Rae wanted him to see Lauren, and if he was honest he knew that he needed to see her too.

"Well, I'm free now, if you have the time. I have a lady who always uses this slot, but she won a holiday to the Caribbean and won't be here this week." Lauren had smiled as she spoke, and was relieved to see Jesse nod, shut the door and sit in the chair opposite her.

"So, what can I do for you?"

Jesse found that the question led so easily in to what he wanted to say that it was no longer difficult. "I want you to tell me how to let Rae go to The Willows."

"Why is that difficult for you, to let her go, I mean?" Lauren knew that Jesse had felt inclined to smother Rae since her terrible ordeal just before Christmas, but he needed to be the one doing the talking.

"Because I won't know what she's doing, whether she's ok. I let her down before, and I can't help thinking that something might be happening that I won't know anything about." Jesse realised that he was really scared to let her go.

"Jesse, I spoke with The Willows, because I needed to send through some of Rae's files, and she won't be able to go for about another six to eight weeks. I think that before that happens, you and Rae should take the opportunity to drive up there and look round."

"And what about at home? She won't let me put any extra security systems in, and she goes off for a walk on her own with Eliana, and can't understand why I get cross, she nearly died and she was in a safe place and she nearly died. And now she wants to go off on her own and I know that she wants to go back to work and she is gonna have another baby and she doesn't seem to see anything wrong in any of it." Jesse had been speaking faster and faster, and in the end he just ran out of breath.

"Jesse, you have to let her go. We talked about this just after she was released from the hospital, and cleared of all charges. It was understandable then that you wanted to keep her safe, but she's a grown woman, she's a cop who knows how to defend herself, and when she isn't being targeted by those who feel they have a score to settle, she is more than capable of keeping herself safe."

"How can you say that? She has been strangled, stalked, she was attacked at a funeral, then she was kidnapped, raped, she was arrested, attacked and seriously injured, twice. It seems to me that keeping herself safe is way at the bottom of her list of priorities." Jesse felt his voice shaking as he spoke.

"Do you think that any of that was her fault? Jesse, I have read the files that Brian kept on her, she was strangled because she was doing her job, and, maybe foolishly, she confronted the woman responsible for the deaths of two children. All she did to get Phillip Levington to notice her was have her photo taken for a newspaper article, and speak nicely to him. He got out of jail and targeted her again, and then, because he was killed his girlfriend took over and began to systematically destroy her. None of those things really have anything to do with keeping yourself safe, or anything to do with the way she lives her life. She was attacked when she was on duty at a funeral which resulted in a serious head injury, but she couldn't have prevented that either." 

Lauren paused for a moment, whatever way you looked at it Rae had been in trouble almost constantly since her arrival in Los Angeles, and it would be easy to blame her for some, if not all, of it, but she knew that none of it had been her fault.  "Jesse, the circumstances may seem stacked against her, but all of these things are over and done with. They aren't going to happen again." Lauren looked at him. She had been talking for a long time, and wasn't sure that Jesse was still with her.

"That makes it worse, don't you see? She could get taken out any time, any place, and I just can't prevent it …. And I should be able to. I'm her husband it's my responsibility to keep her safe." Jesse ran his hand through his hair, he was talking round and round and he wished he hadn't sat down.

"Jesse, do you love your wife?" Lauren threw the question at him as if it was no more important than what he wanted for lunch.

"What? Of course I do … I … I love her." Jesse had no idea what else to say.

"And if the position was reversed, and all these things had happened to you, and you had a chance to maybe make things better for yourself, would you want Rae to keep you home?"

"That's different …"

"How is it different, Jesse?" Lauren looked across at the man before her, and she could see him beginning to open up a little.

"I … I, oh God, I married one of the most self reliant women I have ever met, she was happy, confident, independent when I met her, I loved that, I didn't want someone who was content to stay home." This time it was Jesse who paused for a moment as he remembered Rae as she was when he first met her. As he did so he began to see a few similarities with his past. "My mom always worked, too much sometimes, and Dad, well he just up and left, so I was pretty much independent myself much younger than I should have been, but I didn't want to marry a … a housewife, and she was, is career oriented, but then everything went wrong." Jesse stopped talking again. Whatever part of their life together he went back to Rae was in danger. "I just never thought that these things would happen, or I would feel so helpless, so useless. I should be able to protect her, and I can't, and Eliana, I let that woman know about her, and she was taken, and she nearly died.  Now we have another baby on the way, maybe we shouldn't have tried for babies, what right do we have to place them in such danger?"

"Ok, now you are playing God, and that is way out of my league. Jesse, I think that the only way you are ever going to be able to stop worrying about Rae is if you leave her." Lauren paused as she saw, what she hoped to see, a look of horror on her client's face. "I am guessing by your expression that you don't see that as an option."

"No, no of course not! I love her, I told you that." Jesse shook his head, but he had an idea what she meant.

"So, if you can't leave her, the only alternative is to live together in a way that makes for as worry free an existence as is possible in your circumstances. I would suggest that you make some security adjustments to your home if that will put your mind at ease, but I would also suggest that you take your daughter out and about, let her play in the park, go to the beach, visit Disneyland. As she gets older, if she is anything like her mom and dad, she is going to be a sociable, friendly, intelligent child. She will not want to be shut up at home. Each time you go out, as a family, or alone and nothing happens your confidence will rise, but you have to loosen the grip on Rae and Eliana, or you may well drive them away."

Jesse nodded his head, he didn't really know what else to say, he had run out of excuses, and reasons to keep Rae at home, and he knew that he had to face the possibility of losing her in the line of duty, or he would lose her all together.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve and Cheryl fanned out as much as they could into the apartment of Sandra Breth and it was obvious straight away that no one was hiding anywhere in the living room or small hallway. The apartment, for that was what it was, seemed to be almost a self contained unit within the main house. There was no kitchen, but apart from that Sandra could have carried out her reign of terror without anyone being any the wiser. Cheryl moved over towards a large bookshelf, picking up photographs and putting them back down again, trying to see if there was anything visible that might give them an idea where she was. 

Steve, his gun preceding him, made his way towards the bedroom, as he went in through the door an arm moved out and he felt a gun being jammed into the back of his skull. "Drop your weapons, and that includes you." Steve felt the gun as it was pressed harder into his head. "Anybody moves and I'll blow his brains out." Sandra Breth waited until the two guns had been put onto the floor and then pulling his left arm up behind him, she moved Steve back into the living room. "I want both of you to move back against the window, and then out onto the balcony, or I will kill him."

Cheryl looked over at Mr. Mitchell and nodded her head, then slowly the two of them walked over towards the patio doors, their hands out in front of them so that it was clear they were unarmed. "Sandra." Stuart felt compelled to speak with her. "What are you doing? Let him go, we can work this out. You know that I can provide you with any help you need. Now, please, let him go."

"Stuart, you are a fool, rich, powerful, kind and considerate, but you are a fool! I have no intention of sacrificing myself on George Bannister's altar, so do as I say, oh, and before you do, get on that intercom and make sure Jonathon stays in his pantry."

Once Mr. Mitchell had done what he was told, he and Cheryl had gone out onto the small balcony and shut the door, Steve felt the muzzle of the gun as it was jabbed into the back of his head once more and he began to move gradually across the room and over towards the front door. 

"If I hear any movement in here you will find him dead in the hallway. You…" Sandy jerked Steve's arm, and laughed as a look of pain crossed his face. "Car keys, out of your pocket, nice and slowly, now."

"Arghh." Steve couldn't keep from crying out as once again his arm was pulled and it felt as if it would pop from its socket at any moment. He put his right hand into his pants pocket and took out the keys to his truck. Sandra Breth snatched them off him and then began to talk again.

"Keep moving, cop, everybody else, stay exactly where you are." Another jab with the gun muzzle and Steve began walking once more; they exited the apartment, Sandra making sure to leave the door open so that any noise would travel immediately to her. 

As soon as she disappeared through the door Cheryl moved silently over and carefully pulled the patio door open, not making any noise in the process. She then picked up her weapon, and she and an extremely shocked Mr. Mitchell ran out into the hallway, back the way they came, and then down the stairs. As they reached the bottom they saw Steve, lying unconscious on the floor, a pool of blood growing around him on the light-coloured carpet that finished just below his shoulders. As they reached him the blood seeped onto the marble and began to pool there also.


	21. One Step Forward Two Steps Back

**One Step Forward and Two Steps Back******

Cheryl assessed the situation in one glance, and grabbed her cell phone, yelling out as she did so to the young cop waiting by the front door, who appeared not sure whether to stay with his colleague or chase the suspect.  "Chapman. Go after her, I want her dead or alive! She'll be driving Steve's white truck now go, go!" Cheryl knelt by her partner as she made the call for an ambulance to attend the scene.

"Steve, can you hear me?" Cheryl spoke carefully trying to keep the urgency out of her voice as he began to move slightly. 

"What, what happened?"

"You got slugged, Sloan." Cheryl smiled at him, her worry dissipating a little as he spoke, and then returning as he tried to sit up. "Hey, stay right there, I am not going to be the one telling Jo that you are gonna be hospitalized next Thursday."

The look of horror that joined the pained expression on Steve's face made her wish she had bitten her tongue. "Steve, just lie still, I called for an ambulance, we can get you checked over, it'll be ok."

Steve tried a nod, but realised very quickly that it was a bad idea, and then he remembered how he ended up lying on the floor in an extremely elaborate entrance way. "Breth, oh, don't tell me, I lost her."

"Ok, I won't tell you." Cheryl placed a hand on Steve's arm. "Shhh, Chapman and Yip went after her, we **will** get her." Cheryl's confidence seemed to be enough for Steve, and he visibly relaxed and his eyes closed.

"Steve, come on, Buddy, stay with me. Steve, open your eyes." Cheryl breathed a sigh of relief as he did just that.

"I'm tired, Cheryl, let me rest just for a minute." Steve's eyelids fluttered, and although she tried calling him again, Cheryl knew that he was lost to her for the moment.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Jesse, you didn't answer my question, how would you feel if Rae tried to stop you going somewhere that could improve your quality of life, maybe to an extent where you could go back to the job you love?" Lauren had let Jesse speak on for a while, but she needed to know the answer to this.

"I … I don't know." Jesse knew straight away that she wouldn't believe him, he didn't believe it himself.

"Mmm, you may have a strong minded wife, but you are no less confident and able yourself. You like being a doctor, I've seen you work; you're extremely competent, sympathetic, and very good at what you do. I think that you would find it very difficult to give up."

Jesse looked at her and smiled, but it was a weak, almost resigned smile. "I don't think that I could, give it up I mean, I might try, but even when I have a vacation I am glad to get back to work."

"So, if you put yourself in Rae's position, can you understand how she feels?"

Jesse thought for a moment. He had tried to be compassionate, he had told her he understood, but he guessed that he didn't really. When he had been a patient, particularly after Levington had attacked him, and then convalesced at home, he'd hated it, but there had never been the possibility of him not going back to work. He had a feeling that if there had been, then Rae would have supported him in anything he had wanted to do to get himself in a position to work again in one way or another at the hospital.

"I'm gonna have to let go aren't I?" Jesse looked at his therapist and he knew that although he had thought the decision had been his, it had, in fact, never been in any doubt, he just hadn't realised it.

"Yes you are, but it will be much easier if you talk it over with her, let her know how you feel, and then … let go."

Jesse smiled and stood up, "Thank you, Doctor Yung; I appreciate you taking the time to speak with me."

"I hope I haven't taken you away from your duties for too long." Lauren shook hands with the young doctor in front of her, and she could see that he seemed a little more comfortable with himself.

"I'm not working today, I just had to … to come in for a little while, but I guess Rae'll be wondering where I am. Thank you again, I'll see you soon." Jesse finished his words with a smile, and then, with a lighter heart than when he had entered, he turned and left.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time the ambulance arrived Steve had drifted in and out of consciousness a couple more times, and although she had tried Cheryl hadn't had any success in keeping him with her.

The other two officers who had been with them had called back through and said that they had lost the truck in local traffic, but were still looking. The advantage of Sandra Breth being known to the guard on duty had given her the lead, and she had been waved through as soon as he saw who was driving the truck. Chapman and Yip had been slowed down as they rushed to their car. Sandra had reached Steve's truck, turned and fired at them; diving to the ground they heard the engine roar into life and knew the gunfire had given their quarry valuable moments to get ahead of them. The reply Cheryl had given Ben had not been pleasant, and both officers knew that they would get seriously chewed out when they returned to see their superior officer.

Cheryl knew that she would need to get back to work, but she also knew that Steve was too far out of town to be taken to Community General, and so she wanted to go with him. As she made that decision she heard the familiar sound of a gurney being wheeled towards her and saw the first medic as he appeared at the end of the entrance hall.

"Ma'am, what happened to him?"

"I'm not sure, I think he was hit, he's a cop, we were here to apprehend a suspect, she got one over on him, I know he wasn't shot, I would have heard it, but he's lost quite a bit of blood, and he's been slipping in and out of consciousness."

"Ok, what's his name?" The medic who had spoken to Cheryl crouched down by Steve's head.

"Steve, Lieutenant Steve Sloan."

"Steve, can you hear me? Steve, my name is Bernard, and I'm gonna take you to the hospital to get you looked over. Do you know what happened to you?"

For a moment there was silence but then to Cheryl's relief Steve began to stir again.

"Steve, come on, Buddy, open your eyes." This time it worked, but Cheryl immediately knew why.

"Jesse, is that you? What happened?" Steve's voice was a little shaky, and Cheryl felt compelled to take his hand in her own.

The medic looked over at Cheryl. "Are you Jessie?"

"No, no, Jesse is a doctor at Community General, he calls him Buddy."

"Steve, this is Bernard, we are gonna take you to Nightingale Hospital, it's closer, ok?"

"K." Steve's voice was very quiet now. "I'll just rest till then … just sleep."

The medic indicated to the other ambulance man to help him get Steve onto the gurney, but Bernard kept up a dialogue the entire time.

"No, Steve, I need you to talk to me bu … pal, so, you're a cop, huh? What rank are you?"

"Mmm, what?" Steve sounded puzzled for a moment. "Oh, Lieu … Lieutenant… Lot of good it did me."

"That's it, talk to me, tell me what happened today. What did you have for breakfast?" Bernard carried on talking, and Cheryl, relieved that the responsibility had been removed from her, turned towards Stuart Mitchell, who was being checked over by a third medic. "Sir, if you could come into the station either later today or tomorrow to give us a statement I would be obliged. I know this has all been a terrible shock, but we really do need your version of events.

"Yes, yes, of course, Detective, please tell your partner that I'm … I'm sorry I doubted him… Sandra, I just can't believe it…" Stuart Mitchell swayed a little and the medic helped him into a sitting position, making sure his head was lowered towards his knees. Cheryl handed one of her cards to Jonathon who was now standing just a little way off waiting to tend to his employer, and then she turned and walked behind Steve's gurney, listening to the stilted and disjointed conversation as Bernard tried to keep him conscious.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo and Rae had been making lists and calling people for a long time. It seemed that apart from the shopping trip for the dresses everything was covered. The invitations would be delivered in two days time, the caterers had been given Michael's number and he was liaising with them, a florist's site on the internet had been contacted and someone was coming on the Wednesday morning to begin decorating the deck of the beach house. Rae had sat and watched and listened in amazement as Jo had turned into a society hostess, a woman used to using her position to get her own way, and had been very relieved when she had finally turned to her friend and said "Well, I may know nothin' about arrangin' a weddin' but put me in charge of a fund raiser, or a society ball an' I am a woman possessed. Now, how about we get ourselves somethin' to eat, I'm starved."

Rae had just carried on staring at her friend, now astounded by the change back to the Texas she knew and loved.

"What?  Speak up, you look like somethin' big an' fat an' furry got your tongue."

"You are a different woman, my mother has a telephone voice, but you have a telephone persona. When you spoke to that printer, poor guy, I felt so for him."

Texas just laughed. "Yeah, well, I guess I should have told him straight off that I was **the** Miss Walters that actually owned the company, but it was kinda fun to hear him huffin' an' puffin' about whether they could get them done in time, an' now guess what? We will have a proof delivered this afternoon, an' the actual things in two days. Sometimes I just love bein' rich an' powerful. Come on, Girl, what do you have that I can eat in this place?"

Eliana had begun to cry just at that moment, and so with a smile Rae had told Jo to take whatever she fancied from the kitchen, and she went to get her daughter from the nursery, as she did so she heard the sound of a cell phone beginning to ring.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ER department at Nightingale Hospital was fairly busy when Steve and Cheryl arrived, and while Steve waited for a doctor to come and assess him she moved over into a quiet corner and began to dial Jo's cell phone.

"Hello, Jo? It's Cheryl … listen, I don't want to worry you, but Steve was hurt this morning … the medic thinks he has a concussion … no, we're at Nightingale Hospital, I tried to get Mark when I was in the ambulance, but I can't reach him… ok, I'll tell him, he'll be glad to see you… yeah, you too, bye." Cheryl disconnected herself from her call to Jo, and then tried once again to contact Mark. As she did so she saw a doctor come over to speak with Steve so she put her phone away and moved back to where her partner was laying.

"Nurse take this patient through to trauma alpha please." 

Cheryl looked round in surprise. She didn't know why but she always expected every hospital to be run the same way as Community General.

"Yes, Doctor."

"Ma'am, are you this patient's wife?" the doctor, who Cheryl could see was called Doctor Baker turned to speak with her.

"No, Sir, I'm Lieutenant Sloan's partner, Detective Sergeant Banks."

"Oh, right, right, well, once I've examined him I'll come and let you know my findings."

"Thank you, Doctor." Cheryl moved over and sat down in one of the bank of chairs along a wall with a sign saying 'friends and relatives only' above them. With a smile she made herself comfortable, Nightingale Hospital seemed to her a little eccentric; she just hoped that Steve would be all right, and that if he had to stay that the food was good. Cheryl picked up her phone again, and as she did so it began to ring.

"Detective Banks … Mark, hi, I was just about to call you… No, the medics said he had a concussion … Yeah, Jo said she would come over … I don't know yet, he's still being treated … of course … take care, Mark, bye." Cheryl put her phone back in her pocket. She knew she needed to contact the Captain, but until she knew how Steve was she decided to leave that little chore alone. She didn't really want to be the one to tell him that Sandra Breth had slipped through their fingers, again.

Jo had left the kitchen and headed straight for the nursery. "Rae, Honey, I have to go, Steve's been hurt, an' an' I have to go to Nightin'gale Hospital … Cheryl said she thought it was just a mild concussion." She had stopped talking as her voice began to waver.

Rae put her daughter back into her crib, much to the little girl's annoyance, and she moved over to her friend, a concerned look on her face. "Do you want me to come with you? Eliana will be fine she can stay in her buggy, it won't be a problem."

"No, no, I'll be ok, I have to do this alone, I know that this is what I am marryin' into an' now is as good a time as any to get used to it." Jo took a deep breath, she wasn't quite as brave as she hoped she sounded, but if it was just a mild concussion, then she thought she could cope with that.

As Rae watched her friend drive away from the house, Jesse's car drew up and he parked on the driveway. Rae waited by the front door, her daughter now in her arms, and was pleased to see him smile a big happy smile at her as he walked towards her.

"Hey, beautiful, how are you?" Jesse moved and kissed her gently on the cheek, and surprised by his openness she kissed him back.

"I'm fine, Sweetheart."

"And how's my favourite girl? Did you miss Daddy?"

"Dada aii aii." Eliana bounced and seeing the look of pain that crossed Rae's face Jesse took the little girl from her.

Rae caught her breath and then began to talk again. "Jo had to go because Steve got hurt. They think it's just a concussion, he's at Nightingale."

For an instant Jesse's face clouded. "Do they need us?"

"No, no, I said that we'd be in for the rest of the day and she should call if she wanted us. I also offered to go with her, but Jo said no to that too. I called Mark while she was getting ready to leave, I don't think we can do anything else at the moment." Rae and Jesse had been walking hand in hand into the house as she told him what had happened, and they both, almost out of habit, ended up in the living room and Jesse sat on the sofa with Rae snuggled up in his arms. Eliana who Rae had been holding until Jesse had taken her from his wife at the door was now in her playpen and for a few minutes nobody said anything.

Finally Rae looked up at her husband, the movement causing her a little pain, but wanting to see his face. "Honey, are you all right? You were a long time at the hospital. What happened to George?"

"George; I had him admitted, and I have arranged for one of Lauren's colleagues to go see him in the morning. The man is suffering, well, you saw that, and I don't think that anything will be gained by having him taken to jail. He's been arrested, and has a guard on his door, but to be honest I don't think he has the energy to run anymore."

Rae sighed, and her voice when she spoke was low and sad. "Poor guy, I feel so for him. Does it sound bigoted to say that him losing his partner seems worse that a straight guy losing his love? Somehow I get the feeling there aren't so many of them out there to choose from, and it makes it even worse, what has happened to him."

"Yeah, I guess so, I can't say I had thought about it, if I lost you, Rae, I … I wouldn't be looking for a replacement, I would … well, I don't know what I would do." Jesse looked into her eyes, the dark brown reflected his face, and he could tell that he looked anxious.

"I'm sorry, I was just exploring my thoughts, and I can't tell you what to do if you lose me, I wouldn't presume, but I do know that I would want you to remember all the good times we've had, and not to dwell on the bad."

"Rae, I went to see Lauren, I hadn't planned to, but I went to arrange the appointment for George, and she was free."

"Honey, I'm glad you went to see her, but I must admit I would have made you change your pants if I'd known."

Jesse looked down to realise that he had the trousers on that he had worn when planning out some of the garden and there were grass stains on the knees. "Oh, well, it's too late now." He shrugged, and was surprised when Rae leant over and kissed him, gently, but with passion, on the lips.

"Hey, I can go get more grass, do it again." Jesse smiled and his eyes were gleaming and then Rae did do it again. "Mmm, ok, I have to ask, what brought that on?"

"You did. The friendly, happy-go-lucky Jesse that I fell in love with on a sun drenched beach. I love you, Jesse, and I miss the man that you were. I'm sorry that you had to change because of me." Now the big brown eyes only reflected her own sadness.

"No, Honey, we can't regret what we have become, we are stronger because of what's happened, and we will go forward and enjoy our life together. I would change all the pain and anguish you've had, but if changing it meant I wouldn't have you in my life, then I would leave everything just as it is." Jesse kissed the top of Rae's head, and he heard her sigh.

"Thank you, Jess, I feel the same." Rae paused for a moment, not wanting to spoil what they had, but need to ask him something. "Do you want to tell me what Lauren and you talked about or would you rather not?"

"I'll tell, I need to discuss it with you, but maybe first a cup of coffee, would you like something?"

"Mmm, a cold drink would be nice, thanks." Rae moved so that her husband could get up, and she shuffled along a bit so she could sit in Jesse's warm spot, and then, leaning into the corner of the sofa, she sat there and watched her daughter play.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo parked in the unfamiliar lot of Nightingale Hospital and walked, as fast as she could without losing her way, towards the main entrance. The nurse on the reception desk smiled as she walked towards her.

"Excuse me, but I'm lookin' for the ER. I got a call to say that I have a relative there." Jo managed to keep her voice calm when really all she wanted to do was be directed in double quick time to where Steve was.

"If you take the hallway to your right and keep walking you will be just where you need to be." The nurse, who was an incredibly bright and cheerful looking young woman pointed off in the direction that she was describing.

"Thank you, very much." Jo took off at an extremely brisk walk and as she passed a soft drinks machine she saw Cheryl sitting making notes on a pad and breathed a sigh of relief. The body language of Steve's partner for the day was relaxed and unworried, and Jo felt herself begin to calm down.

"Jo, come and sit down, the doctor said he would be out in a little while." Cheryl had looked up from her work when she had felt someone's eyes on her. 

"An' he's alright, really alright? You said he had a concussion, was he knocked out? What happened? Will he be alright for Thursday…? Jo stopped talking as she felt Cheryl's hand on her arm.

"Just hold on a moment, and I'll try to answer, but sit down, this isn't Community General, I don't know how things work here." Cheryl looked up and was pleased to see Jo nod her head and sit in the vacant chair beside her friend. "Ok, first of all he was knocked out, and yes, he was unconscious. He was hit with a gun butt; at least I think that was what it was, held by a woman, which will take a bit of living down." Cheryl stopped pleased to see the smile on Jo's face.

"Oh my, an' don't tell me everybody will know when he gets back to the squad room?" Jo laughed to herself, she had felled a male colleague one afternoon when he had crept up on her and she had grabbed hold of him and thrown him over her shoulder. It had taken months for the comments and gestures to die down.

"There was some blood." Cheryl continued speaking, "but I can't see why he won't be fine by Thursday. That is, of course, if he still remembers who you are."

Jo turned, a look of horror on her face, to see Cheryl smiling at her. "Ooh, you rotten girl, you had me goin' there for a moment or two."

As Jo went to carry on speaking both women saw a doctor come out of the room that had Alpha written on it and Cheryl nodded her head in answer to Jo's silent question.

"Ladies, are you here with Lieutenant Sloan?" 

"Yes, I'm his fiancée, how is he Doctor … Doctor Baker?"

"He will be fine, he has a nasty gash on the back of his head, and I understand from the medic that he did lose quite a bit of blood, but not enough, I don't think, for him to need a transfusion. He will have a bad headache for a few days, and shouldn't engage in any strenuous exercise, but you will probably find that sitting up is as strenuous as he wants to get. I will allow him home in your care, but you will need to keep a close eye on him."

"Oh, I will, don't worry about that. Did you tell him when he could return to work?" Jo knew that Steve would be asking her that almost as soon as they got home.

"Yes, he asked me that as soon as I finished my examination, and I told him a week at home, at the least. If the symptoms persist longer than twenty four hours, not only do I want him to come back and see me, but the week starts again."

Jo smiled, she had a feeling that had Jesse told Steve that, he would already be considering making his way back to the station to carry on working. "What about the gash on the head?"

"He has had three stitches in that, but they will be covered up by his hair. I understand that you are getting married next week. As long as he doesn't have to wear a top hat I don't think it will bother him."

"Thank you, Doctor Baker; can I take him home now?" Jo was amazed at just how relieved she felt.

"You may. I would make sure that you have some Tylenol in the house, and, although he may not like it, wake him up a few times from a deep sleep to make sure that he is alert and able to speak coherently. It is something that I insist all the parents of children who have had a bump on the head do, and I suggest that it is done for adults too." Doctor Baker held out a sheet of paper, and Jo could see that it said at the top _So__ you have a concussion._ She took it and giggled.

"Can I stick this on his pillow?"

"It might be a good idea; he won't like the idea of a week off work otherwise." Cheryl joined in the conversation and a voice floated towards them from the direction of Trauma Alpha.

"I can hear you all out there you know."

The sound of Steve's voice made Jo's eyes fill with tears, and looking in the direction of the doctor for permission, which she received in the form of a nod, she rushed towards the sound.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse had spread all the literature he had on security systems on the coffee table in the living room, and slowly Rae was reading through them. First of all she had just dismissed the idea out of hand, saying that after spending time in jail she didn't want to be trapped in her own house, but Jesse had asked her to humour him, and at least look at the information he had gathered, and she had agreed.

"I will not have security cameras in my house, Jess. I wouldn't be able to do anything; I would feel like I was on show the whole time. No, I just can't agree to that." Rae had dropped the brochure from Camera Confidence onto the carpet and picked up the next brochure before Jesse even had a chance to speak.

"Rae, they wouldn't be looking at us, only if there was a problem. If we pressed an alarm, or a trigger, or if there was a fire, or a break in, then it would be activated, but only then." Jesse crouched down and picked the pamphlet back up. He was disappointed; he had been very impressed with the company and their product.

"This is better." Rae had a slightly more relaxed air about her as she began to read about a full perimeter system offered by Stuart Mitchell Security. "Although, if we had every door and window protected we wouldn't be able to open them ourselves, in case we set the alarm off."

"No, look," Jesse was suddenly full of enthusiasm and it could be heard in his voice. "See, you can have security screens put in a couple of the windows. They seem just like regular windows, but there is thin wire woven into to the screen mesh, which will protect the window."

"Couldn't we just have that done on all the windows?"  Rae was just joking, but her husband's response shocked her.

"Oh, for God's sake, Rae, why can't you ever take anything I do to try to protect you seriously? I am trying my best here, I want to keep my family safe, but all you do is ridicule everything. I'm real sorry that I'm not Steve, that I can't walk into a room and make everybody feel that they shouldn't cross me. I don't hurt people, I save them, and right now I am trying to save you, but if you don't want saving then you go right ahead and just laugh at me!" Jesse had scattered all the pamphlets off the table as he spoke, and now he stalked out of the room, leaving a shocked and bewildered Rae behind him.

Eliana watched her daddy shout and then walk out of the room, she didn't know what had happened but she did know that she didn't like it, and so she began to cry, loudly.

Rae got up and moved over towards her, "Shhh, Baby, I'm sorry, Honey, I'll get you a drink, but I need to go see Daddy, ok?" Rae picked up the drink of juice that was on the coffee table and gave it to her daughter, and then, making sure that she was fine for a minute, she headed out of the door in search of Jesse.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had sat, his head very carefully leaning back against the headrest of his seat, grateful for the presence of Jo beside him. He had tried to ignore the extremely ill feelings he was suffering and kept his eyes firmly shut. She had driven slowly and with great care, and the journey, which should have taken about forty five minutes, had taken them over an hour, but he was just so glad to be going home that he didn't say a word.

Before they left Cheryl had called through to the station from Nightingale hospital and spoken to the Captain. Steve had left a request for the following week off on the Captain's desk via e.mail, apologising for not handing it over personally but explaining where he was, Cheryl was now telling her commanding officer that he would actually be on medical leave for the entire time, and all she got was a grunt in reply.

Jo and Steve had sat, hand in hand, and listened to a very uncomfortable one sided conversation as Cheryl tried to explain how Sandra Breth had gotten away from them when it was apparent that she should by now be locked up, and the city a safer place. In the end with a shaky but wry smile Steve had leant carefully over and taken the cell phone out of her hand.

"Sir … Yes, Sir, I feel a little groggy, but I'll be fine … No, Sir, he has signed me off for seven days, but I'm sure I will be back …" Steve had paused as Jo shook her head vigorously and pointed to the third finger of her left hand. "Yes, Sir … No, I would be back at work on the Monday morning … I think she hit me with her gun and … well she had my keys and took my truck… No, Sir, I don't think it's something to be proud of either … Yes, Sir, thank you, Sir … Goodbye, Sir." Steve had severed the connection with a sigh, handed the phone back and closed his eyes for a moment.

"I guess he let you know just how he feels too, huh?" Cheryl had returned his earlier wry smile and shook her head. "He feels bad about the shooter, we all do, but we will get her Steve, you just won't be there… But, now." Cheryl had checked her watch, "My shift finished about an hour ago, and I have a wounded soldier of my own to go check on, but I'll keep in touch ok, and I'll see you Thursday." They had said their goodbyes, and then Cheryl had left Jo and Steve, who was sitting quietly, for once, in a hospital wheelchair, to be escorted to the parking lot by one of the Nightingale nurses. Some things, it appeared, were the same whatever hospital you were in.

The house was quiet when they drew in, and Jo parked as close to the front doors as she could. Then, leaving Steve in the car she unlocked them and left them open so that he could walk straight in. Calling out to Michael to let him know that she was home, Jo went back to the car and helped Steve out, thinking, correctly that he might be feeling a little light headed after sitting for so long.

Michael came out into the hallway as they entered the house and Jo and Steve stopped walking.

"Madam, what has happened? Lieutenant are you all right?"

"No, but I will be, I just got hit on the head is all, I am going to go lie down for a while, then I'll be fine." Steve couldn't see Jo shaking her head and rolling her eyes, but he caught a gleam in Michael's eye and knew that he was missing something. "What, what's going on?"

"Nothin' now I'll help you upstairs to bed, Michael could you park the car properly for me?"

"Of course, Madam, and I will bring the Lieutenant up a soothing herbal tea to help him relax." He was gone before Steve had a chance to reply, knowing that whether the young man wanted the drink or not, he would be far better off for having it.

Jo helped Steve up the stairs, and into the main bedroom, and he sank gratefully onto the bed.  "Ooh, I'm sure there were more stairs than usual today." Steve stopped speaking as he felt Jo begin to undo the buttons on his shirt. Once she had slipped it off his shoulders and kissed him gently on the chest he stood up, a little shakily and removed his pants. Jo folded back the covers and he slid into bed, suddenly realising just how much he needed to be home, with Jo, safe and warm and loved.


	22. A Trouble Shared

**A Trouble Shared**

Rae found Jesse standing in the bedroom looking out of the window at the garden. She could see that he had his hands held in tight fists, and knew that somehow she had made him really angry.

"Jesse? Honey, I'm sorry." Rae walked up to him and carefully raised her right hand to rest it on his shoulder, and was hurt both physically and emotionally when he just shrugged her off and moved away. "Jesse, what did I do?"

Jesse turned to her, and now she could see the anger in his eyes. "You don't know, do you? Well, maybe you had better go work it out for yourself, **_Detective_**, that way it may stay in your brain just long enough to do some good!" 

"Jesse!" Rae stared at him, they had argued, many times, but this time what he had said was nasty and vindictive, and her husband was never that way.

"Will you listen to me?" Jesse looked at her, she seemed scared, and he knew that he had surprised her with his words and actions, he had surprised himself, but she had made him mad, again, and it had to stop.

"Yes, yes, I will, but we have to go back to the lounge, Eliana has a drink and is on her own."

"What? Rae you know better than that, you should never leave a child her age with a drink."

"Yes, Jesse, I do know better than that, I have done this three times before, and am about to do it again, but you were hurting, and I needed to come to you. I had to make a decision, and I made it, you obviously think this was the wrong one, but arguing about it will only keep us from her even longer." Rae's eyes were flashing, and Jesse could tell that he had hit a nerve.

Together, but apart, the two of them walked into the living room. Eliana was sitting, as cute as a button, perfectly safe and happy in the middle of her playpen drinking her drink and watching the world go by. As they entered the room she dropped the cup and smiled at them. "Aii, aii." Eliana was almost one year old, and happy to be alone for a very short period of time, but now that she could see both parents she wanted out so she raised her arms, and waited with the confidence of knowing that she would be picked up almost immediately. This time however, neither Jesse nor Rae wanted to take her out, they had things to discuss that would not be made easier if she was either squirming round in their arms or free on the carpet. Jesse walked over and picked up the octopus that Shannon and Alex had brought for her and put it in the playpen. Appeased for now, their little girl put her arms down, and then around her toy.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had sat and watched Steve as he slept; occasionally his face would cloud as he moved his head, putting pressure on the stitches as he lay, still in pain, even though Jo knew that the pillow was the softest one she had. After just over an hour Jo had placed her hand on Steve's shoulder and shaken him gently. "Steve. Steve, darlin' you have to wake up, just for a second. Steve." His eyes had flickered, and then recognising her voice, had opened, and focussed, a little shakily, on her.

"Jo, what? Are you ok?" Steve had tried to sit up but Jo had kept her hand on his shoulder and he had relaxed gratefully back against his soft pillow.

"I'm fine, just followin' doctor's orders, Honey, do you know what happened to you?"

For a moment Steve's features clouded over once again, and Jo could see him concentrating on her question. "I … I was hit, I hope I was hit, I have a terrible headache."

Jo smiled and took his hand in hers. "Steve, who is Sandra Breth?"

This time Steve remembered, "Oh, great, she hit me."

Jo leant over and kissed him gently on the lips, "An' now you can go back to sleep."

Steve smiled a sleepy smile, and raised his arm to touch her face, but pain creased his features and he cried out. 

"Steve, what's wrong?" Jo was instantly concerned.

"Nothing, I just forgot … that she pulled my arm back. Good night." This time the other hand came up and Steve traced his finger down her cheek, then his eyes closed, and his hand rested back on the covers. By the time Jo had replied he was fast asleep again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Cheryl had got back to the station in time to speak with the Captain personally, and he informed her that Steve's truck had been found parked by the side of the road, but there had been no sign of their quarry. The road had been a busy one, and the sidewalks were full of people, there was also a bus stop on each side of the road, and so the location of Ms Breth was still a mystery.

The discussion turned to Steve and Jo's forthcoming wedding, and the Captain said he was organising a collection for a main present, and that it would be open to the entire precinct. Most people knew who Steve was, and wanted to join in.

"I've been invited to the wedding, Sir, but I'll contribute as well. I … um … I'm going to see Martin tomorrow, I … have some books to lend him, would you like me to ask him too?" Cheryl could feel herself getting a little warm and hoped she wasn't blushing.

"Yes, yes, Detective, that's a good idea; do you know how he's doing now he has been discharged?"

Cheryl knew exactly how he was doing, but she didn't want the Captain to know that, nor the fact that he was probably fast asleep on her sofa or in her spare room right now. "The last time I spoke to him he had started the physical therapy on his shoulder, and he sounded terrible. I'm hoping I'll find him a little brighter this time." That wasn't a lie, at least. He had been in a lot of pain after the first session, and every time he spoke to her she had heard it in his voice.  

"Maybe I should give him a call, or go see him, I only managed to get into the hospital once."

Cheryl was convinced her heart would stop. "I'll … I'll tell him, Sir, I'm sure he'll be delighted. But, could you call him on his cell first? He doesn't answer the door unless he knows who it is." Cheryl's mind was racing.  "In fact, maybe if he's having physical therapy again this week he could call in here on the way home."

Captain Newman smiled, and Cheryl felt herself relax a little. "That sounds like a better idea as long as he isn't in too much pain. I will call him in the morning and see how he wants to play it, but I don't know when I'll have time to get there. Thank you, Detective."

"Thank you, Sir." Cheryl turned and left the Captain's office, then she moved across to her desk, rang through to Steve's home number and told Michael that the truck had been found, and was being brought back to the impound yard to be checked over and would then be released back to its owner who, Cheryl knew, would be very relieved. Steve was a typical man about his truck. Then she picked up the bag with the new books in that she had bought for Martin and headed home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Jess, why did what I say start this off?" Rae still didn't know why a simple joke had provoked almost the worst reaction she had ever seen in her husband.

Jesse felt his anger rise again and tried to push it down. "Because, all I want to do is protect you, and not only do you not want to take it, you won't even acknowledge what I am doing, or why."

"Jesse, that's not true, I … I." Rae stopped talking. She realised that part of what Jesse was saying was true. "You just go over the top, you panicked when I went out with Eliana and Texas, you want us to have security cameras in our house, and alarms on our windows, Jesse, it isn't likely to happen again, we have to move on."

"Yeah, we do, but not at break neck speed. It hasn't been that long since you were attacked in the hospital, Rae, and no one expects you to bounce back, except maybe you. If you take things slower then the results are likely to be longer lasting."  Jesse just wanted to take her in his arms, hold her tight and forget the argument, but these things had to be talked about, and if she was going to go away then they needed to be settled now.

"But that still doesn't tell me why you lost your temper. You said that you had talked with Lauren, and that the session had gone well. You knew that you needed to let me go, but you have to let yourself go too. I miss the happy Jesse, full of jokes, full of fun, Eliana needs a life outside these four walls, she doesn't get that at the moment, and I need one too. We need to be a normal family again, or maybe start to be one, we can go on outings, enjoy ourselves." Rae hoped that she could use what he had become and what they could do to show him what they were missing, but she could still see the fury in his eyes. "I've told you all this over and over again, and made light hearted comments but it never made you get so angry before." Rae's voice showed Jesse that she still couldn't understand why her joking around had upset him so.

"I have surfed the net, tried to find the best security companies I could to come and make our home more secure, and all you can do is throw it in my face. You don't like the security cameras, ok, but you only want window wires, nothing else, you're treating me like a child, and dismissing my ideas as if they were ludicrous and that hurts. You want me to let you live your life the way you want to, but you aren't prepared to treat me the same way. You want our daughter to have a life, to go places, ok; I'll take her, right now." Jesse was keeping his voice as calm as possible, but he realised that for a while he needed to go out.

"No, Jesse, you can't." Rae suddenly felt panic in her chest, and she clenched her fists, not wanting it to show.

"I can't?" Jesse voice now was incredulous. "Why, because I can't do it like you, I can't take my baby out in her stroller and just let her play on the grass, I can't look after her, on my own just for a little while, or I can't do it because you won't let me?" 

Rae wanted to answer, wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that she wasn't answering because she couldn't. She wanted him to know that the thought of him going out and leaving her alone, when she didn't know for sure where he would be or when he would come back filled her from head to toe with dread, but she couldn't, because however much she wanted it, her voice wouldn't obey her commands.

Jesse waited for his wife to say something, anything, but Rae was silent, and Jesse, mistaking this for another indication of her disapproval, stood up, swept his daughter out of the playpen and walked towards the front door. "I won't be long; I have my phone with me … just in case I can't cope with her on my own and have to call for advice." 

Rae was still sitting on the sofa, and she nodded mutely. Jesse hearing nothing let himself out of the house, strapped Eliana into her car seat and started the engine. Rae heard the car as it pulled slowly out into the road and then drew away.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Cheryl got home it was three o'clock and she was feeling tired and fed up. She quietly unlocked the door to her apartment and smiled as she saw the sleeping form of Martin, as she had imagined him, on her sofa. She shut the door, and the clicking of the lock disturbed him just enough for his dreams to recede.

"Cheryl, is that you?" Martin's voice was heavy with sleep and it took him a moment to focus and realise where he was.

"It sure is, you were expecting the Easter Bunny maybe?" Cheryl smiled and crouched down beside him, kissing him gently on the lips as she did so.

"You can wear a rabbit suit any time you like; I think you'd look cute with long floppy ears and a bob tail!" Martin's voice was relaxed now, and Cheryl knew that he was still under the influence of his latest dose of strong painkillers. She hadn't been kidding when she told the Captain that he had sounded terrible after his first session of physical therapy and the last one he had attended had only been yesterday. The exercises he was doing were to strengthen the shoulder muscles, and to give him back the full range of movements that he had before he was shot. 

"You sound much better than you did this morning, how's your shoulder?" 

"Sore, but not as bad as it was, I'm sorry I was a pain in the butt yesterday."

Cheryl kissed him on the lips again, "Shhh, it's ok, you weren't a pain, but I knew that you were in pain. Now, did you do your exercises today?"

"Yes, I slept after you left this morning, and then when I woke up at eleven-ish I did some, I had lunch, did them again, went back to sleep and now I am awake again, but I have no intention of doing any more today." Martin was pleased with himself. He had been out of the hospital for a week, and it was the first time that he had done his exercises by himself.

"Oh, well, I have a reward for a good boy who did his homework." Cheryl opened the bag she had with her and brought out three books. They were all historical biographies, which she knew that Martin devoured. The smile that lit up his face was worth the time she had spent reading all the titles on the shelf with her head tilted sideways.

"Thank you, I'll save them until tomorrow. I won't read when I have you to talk to instead." Martin smiled and then, slowly and painfully, sat properly on the sofa and raised his good arm so that Cheryl could snuggle up to him. This time when they kissed, Martin was able to run his fingers over Cheryl's tight curls, and feel her body moulding against his own. "Mmm, that was better than any book."

"The Captain said he planned to go to your place and visit with you." Cheryl smiled, what she hoped was a sweet and innocent smile.

"What?" Martin looked horrified, but then he saw her smile quiver a little and he knew she was playing. "What happened? Did he really say he was going to visit with me?"

"Oh, yeah, but I managed to ward him off, I said that next time you go for physical therapy you might come by the station."

"Oh great, thank you so much." Martin smiled. While the painkillers were working at full strength he felt well enough, and strong enough to enjoy Cheryl's company. Once the pain came back he knew that he would just want her near him, to hold him and help him through until he could take the next set of tablets.

"Martin, Steve and Jo are getting married next Thursday; do you think that you will be ok to go?"

Martin nodded. "Sure, if I get an invite, and I don't have to take part in a bachelor party go-karting tournament it will be fine. I'll just sit quietly, surrounded by people I don't know, and wish it was my wedding."

"No, it's at the beach house, just a small affair, you will know everyone, and you will be able to go lie down if you need …" Cheryl stopped talking, and blinked. "What did you say?"

"I said, I wish it was my wedding." Cheryl backed away a little bit, and saw the hurt in his eyes as he spoke again. "I'm sorry, I guess I misread you."

"No, no you haven't misread me, but it was just a shock. Martin, I'm older than you, and I've been married before, I don't know that I want to go down that road again." She felt his body relax a little, and leaning back into him Cheryl smiled. "Let's just see where this takes us, ok? We have the rest of our lives ahead of us; I'm not planning on being alone for a long while yet."

"Good, me either. So what do you get for the couple that has everything and a butler?"

"I have no idea, are you up to a few hours on the Internet? There must be something on there that can give us some ideas." Cheryl carefully got up from the couch so that she didn't hurt him.

"Oh, I'm sure there are, but aren't we looking for wedding gifts?" Martin smiled a knowing smile, Cheryl tapped him lightly on his good arm and then just looked at him, and with a smile of her own she winked in an exaggerated manner, and sashayed her way across to the computer.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had managed to keep her panic within herself for about, she imagined, two or three minutes after Jesse had left, but then she couldn't cope with her feelings any longer. Looking around in fear Rae felt about twelve feet tall. She just knew that everybody would be aware that she, Reagan Travis, was on her own in the house, that there was nobody there to protect her. The beautiful patio doors suddenly became a huge gaping hole in the wall, a space where the whole world could see into her home, into her heart. Rae's breathing became short and uneven, she broke out into a cold sweat, and she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that she had to get out of the room.

Getting shakily to her feet Rae moved into the hallway, and then like a frightened animal caught in the headlights of a car she stood and looked around her, not knowing which way to run. Suddenly she realised that she could go where no one would be able to see her, or think that she was there, and Rae turned and headed into her bedroom, and without stopping moved through it and into the bathroom.

When she had squeezed herself as far into the corner of the room as was possible, she moved her knees up to her chest, and wrapped her right arm around them trapping her useless left arm between her legs and her body. Then, once she knew she was safe again, Rae began to concentrate on her breathing. She could still remember Mark helping her right back in the past when she had first arrived in Los Angeles, and if she shut her eyes, she could hear him telling her to concentrate on his voice. 'Slowly in … then out again … in … out again." It had worked then, as she had a panic attack in the hospital and it began to work now. Gradually, she got herself a little more under control, and turning slightly Rae leant her head against the cold tiles and closed her eyes.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse and Eliana hadn't gone far, just down the road and around the corner to The Green. Not the most poetic of names for the recreational area that was designated for their road and the ones next to it. The service charge for living in their house was high, and one of the perks of that was having this beautiful area, which had barbeque pits, a baseball diamond, and a small bandstand, as well as swings, slides and roundabouts and plenty of benches for people to sit on and enjoy the trees and flowers that were planted in any number of beds all around them.

Jesse took his little girl out of the car, locked it up and then they headed, together, towards the baby swings. Once Jesse had secured her firmly into one, he moved it gently towards him and then let go. Eliana was not sure, her face became a little unsettled, and she looked at her daddy. Jesse stopped the movement of the seat and let it just hang there for a moment. Eliana waggled her legs, and the swing moved, this time she did like it and laughed, and Jesse seeing that she was relaxed once again moved it a little more.

Soon, the swing was moving back and forth enough to cause the wind to ruffle the soft brown curls, and her giggles could be heard not only by Jesse but by an elderly couple sitting on nearby seats who were watching the picture of a happy and devoted father and child with great pleasure. Suddenly, Jesse realised what he had been missing, Rae was right, Eliana was enjoying herself, and so was he. Very seldom did Jesse get the chance to spend any time alone with his daughter. He had worked, or worried, since she was born, but never spent time just taking his little girl to places where he could have fun with her, where he could watch her and see how she was progressing, growing, learning, and where he could realise that the whole world wasn't planning to take her from him the very first chance they got.

The sun was warm on Jesse's back as he moved the swing once more, then, before either of them had the chance to get bored he took Eliana out of the seat, they found a shady spot on the grass and Jesse, after laying his jacket down for her, placed her in front of him and smiled at her. "This is nice, except we should have a picnic; maybe next time we could bring some of that Marmite stuff on little soldiers, and a drink, what do you think?" Jesse realised that he was already planning on doing this again, and again.

Eliana gazed at her daddy for a little while, and then a bird flew overhead, crying out as it did so and she looked for the noise, as she turned Jesse could see that she became aware of other things around her, and her little hand moved down and grabbed a fistful of grass which she straight away aimed towards her mouth.

"No, Honey, I don't even want to think what could be on that." Jesse took the grass from her, and seeing her face begin to pucker ran his fingers across her tummy causing her to forget her distress and giggle for him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had finally managed to calm down enough to relax her grip on herself and had just begun to straighten her legs out when she heard a noise, and suddenly all her fears came flooding back to her. She had no idea what the noise was, or, she realised in a moment of rationality, whether there had actually been one, but once again she could feel her heart rate increasing, and the blood pounding in her ears, and she was even more scared. As she began to pull her knees up again Rae felt her cell phone in her pocket, and suddenly realised that she could get Jesse back. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Eliana had decided that the coat her daddy had given her was just too small, and was thinking about moving off it. The grass felt strange to her hands, and she wanted to touch it again. With a big smile to soften the moment she positioned herself and placed one hand off the jacket.

Jesse was just about to move his little girl back into the middle of the material mat, when he saw his cell begin to vibrate in the pocket and he grabbed it before Eliana realised that it was right by her foot.

"Jesse Travis …" For a moment he thought that there was no one there. He hadn't checked the number before he answered and so he spoke again. "This is Jesse Travis."

"Jesse … help me, please, I … can't do this …" Rae's voice was faint, and coming in gasps.

"Rae, Honey, it's all right, take a deep breath, don't worry, I'll be right there."

"Jesse … I …" there was a loud noise and then nothing, nothing but static. 

"Hello, hello, Rae? Rae!" Jesse grabbed Eliana who had made her bid for freedom and was heading for a little clump of daisy's and even in his worried state, Jesse knew that someday he would make a chain of them for her and put them round her neck, _and then she'd eat them, _ but for now he needed to get home, _I guess I'll wait a few years, _so he picked her up and then his jacket, and walking faster than usual, but not fast enough to scare her, Jesse and his daughter finished their outing.

Rae had thought she would pass out with relief when she heard the familiar strength of her husband's voice on the phone, but her own voice came out very faintly, and she knew that first of all he hadn't been able to hear her.

The strain of holding the phone had been too much for her in her tense and frightened state, and after speaking with him Rae's hand had begun to shake, and she had dropped the phone onto the tiles and waited for him to come back to her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had slept until the middle of the afternoon before stirring, and Jo, relieved to see him at peace, hadn't tried to wake him again. She quietly watched him for a little while after he had fallen asleep and then Jo had sat at her dressing table, logged onto the internet and begun to surf once again for the perfect dress. About a half hour later she had found a beautiful item that she just knew would be ideal for her honeymoon. With a smile she had ordered and paid for it in just a few minutes, and then she had continued her search. The pad by the side of her laptop had quite a few notes on it before she heard Steve begin to stir once again.

"Jo … ?" The pain that Steve was feeling came out in his voice, and it sounded strained and concerned.

"I'm here, it's all right." Jo moved over and sat on the side of the bed, "Shhh, just lie there a minute an' get your bearin's, there's no rush." She watched as Steve moved himself into a sitting position before leaning back on the headboard and closing his eyes once more. 

"What did she hit me with? It wasn't a truck was it?" Steve was feeling rough, but he wanted to be up and about and planned to fight through it.

"No, she just stole that, but it's been found now, an' you can go get it anytime." Michael had put his head round the door of the bedroom a little while earlier to let Jo know that Steve's beloved truck had been found. She smiled, even when Steve had been relating the story to her of how he had lost his first truck a few years before the indignation and personal hurt had come over loud and clear.

"Oh, ok. I'll go get it tomorrow, for now I think I'll get up and go downstairs." Steve paused, "I can get up can't I?"

Jo smiled and leant over and kissed him gently on the lips, when he began to respond, and wrapped his arms around her she kissed him with more passion, and then with a glint in her eyes she pulled away. "You may go downstairs in a little while, but y'know, it's a real shame I had to give that nurse's uniform back." With that she traced one of her long, deep gold nails across his chest, kissed him once more on the lips and left the room. Steve sat there, his heart racing, watching the door close behind her, and realised with a smile that his life was never ever going to be the same again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse had parked the car on the driveway, rushed into the house, and, only stopping to put Eliana in her playpen, had gone into their bedroom, sure that that was where Rae would be, when he couldn't find her there he moved to the nursery and the spare room, but she wasn't there either. With his panic rising, and calling out her name in case she was hiding somewhere, he checked the family room and the kitchen, and finding both rooms empty, moved back to the bedroom to start the search again. As he did so he saw a movement through the crack in the door that led to the bathroom and began to open it. "Rae? Rae, it's me." Jesse pushed the door wide and there in the corner, lying curled up and obviously crying was his wife. "Honey, whatever's the matter? Come on, let me help you up and I'll take you into the lounge so we can keep an eye on Eliana."

Rae heard his voice, looking through the rooms for her, but she couldn't call out. Although she knew that she was no longer alone, the panic was taking a while to recede, and so she waited for him to come to her. Finally, after what seemed like hours and hours, the door to the bathroom opened, and after a few words she felt his arms go round her, protecting her once more from the devils inside her.

Jesse carefully laid her on the sofa, covered her over with the throw that they kept over the back of it and once she was warm and comfortable he sat next to her and took her hand. "Rae, tell me what happened? You weren't upset when we left, I never would have gone if you had been."

For a moment Rae gathered her thoughts, the panic attack had been a sudden and frightening occurrence, and she knew that she had to talk about it. "It was your leaving that made me scared, I … I said you couldn't go, but you went anyway."

"I couldn't go because you didn't want me to? Was that what you meant? Honey, it was a bit unclear, I thought you meant I couldn't go because without you with me I wouldn't be able to cope."

"No … I meant that without you with me I wouldn't be able to cope." Rae smiled a small smile, Jesse had it completely right, but just about the wrong person. "Every time I haven't known where you are something bad happens."

"What? Rae, I don't understand, try and tell me what you mean." Jesse turned, checking that Eliana was fine, and he could see that she was. The shapes were all over the floor of the playpen and she was carefully picking them up and putting them down again. Jesse guessed it was fascinating to her, as she wasn't at all interested in him right now. 

Rae took a breath and prepared to unburden herself. She needed to share her fears; otherwise she knew they would take her over. "Jesse, she strangled me, tried to kill me, and nobody knew where I was, I didn't know you very well, I knew I loved you, but I didn't know where you were, I had gone while you were home, but I didn't know where you were, I called for you, but I knew you couldn't hear me."

For a moment Jesse had to think, to work out who his wife was talking about, it didn't take long before the image of her lying, strangled, on the floor of the classroom flooded his mind, and pushing it back down he began to speak. "But you're wrong, Rae, I did know where you were, I worked it out, and I came, and you were ok again, it was all right." Jesse took hold of her left hand and gently began to stroke the back of it.

"No, no it wasn't, don't you see? Everything that has ever happened came from that. If I had told someone what I was planning to do, you or Steve, you would have told me not to do it, and I wouldn't be like this, scared and dependent. It was because of her that that man came into my life, took my picture and … and then he took you. I didn't know where you were, I couldn't help you, and … he nearly killed you." There were tears on her face now, but Rae made no effort to brush them away, and Jesse, wanting desperately for her to stop talking so that he could hold and help her, knew that she had to keep going, that actually telling him all this would help her more than he ever could.

"When Donovan attacked me, I was alone, we weren't even talking to each other, and when I woke up …" Rae lowered her eyes, she felt that she could no longer look at him. "I … I don't remember much about any of that time, not really, not until I got home, but you were a stranger, it was only because you told me things that I knew who you were."

"Rae … I never knew that. So when you came round and I was sitting there, holding your hand and talking to you, until I said something like 'Look Rae, it's Steve or here comes Mark.' You had no idea who they were, who any of us were?" The look on Jesse's face almost broke Rae's heart all over again, and she stopped his fingers from stroking her by placing her other hand over his.

"Everything is disjointed; I'm not real sure if I have things in the right order. I can see Donovan's face as he swung the wood, I don't know why, but I can, but then everything seems to merge a little bit. I remember lying in a hospital bed, not knowing who I was, or why I was there, but being unable to do anything about it. Then I heard voices, they were a long way away, but they were always there, always talking, and saying nice things, names, I heard lots of different names, but they had no faces, I didn't know who they were, and then gradually I got closer to the voice, and I could feel things, touch, I could feel people there, holding my hand or stroking my face, and I guess I must have come round after that." Rae had spoken slowly but fluently. She had never told anybody that before, the fact that all the people in her life loved her very much and cared for her had always made her feel very guilty that at that time they had meant nothing to her.

"So until I said 'Rae it's Jesse', you didn't know who I was?"

"No, but once you had then I knew that the face and the name went together. The memories came back a little at a time, and I realised just how special you were to me. But Texas, I didn't remember her at all, I had no idea who she was, and you and Steve, you went away and left me with her, she was a stranger, and you left me with her, but somehow she was different, I knew I could trust her, and she was nice, but I always felt so much better when you were with me."

Jesse kissed her gently on the lips, "And then I left you again, didn't I?" Jesse shook his head, it had been the worst decision he had ever made in his life, "I'm sorry, Rae."

"I know, but we found each other again, and we had Eliana, but it had to get much worse before she came…" Rae paused, she had talked about this before, but it was always hard. "When he took me, when he hurt me again, he hurt you so much more, Jesse, I … I saw him … I … saw him … sh … shoot you." Rae was shaking now, and Jesse, afraid that the panic would return placed a hand on her face and turned her towards him.

"Shhh, for a minute, just shhh." He was relieved when Rae nodded her head, and the shaking gradually subsided. Jesse didn't encourage her to continue, he knew that when she was ready she would start to talk and, after about five minutes, she did just that.

"He was so awful to you, and I couldn't do anything, I was scared for you, but I was expecting our baby, I couldn't let him know or harm her, and when I tried to get near … he just swatted me away." Rae shut her eyes, she could see Jesse lying chained up, that man standing over him the gun in his hand, and then that terrible moment when the gun had gone off, and she thought she had lost him. "He took me away, wouldn't let me stay, and I had no idea what had happened to you, and … and then I saw the newspaper." The tears were flowing freely again now, and Rae couldn't continue to speak. She turned slightly towards Jesse and he took her in his arms and let her cry. 

He felt the tears come up in his own eyes as she began to talk again. "When …" Rae swallowed her tears, she had to keep going. "When I saw the paper, which he just threw at me, he was so thrilled with himself, I thought my life was over… It didn't matter any more whether Steve found me, you wouldn't be waiting for me, no-one would, not really, and I could see a life with him. But only until he worked out I was pregnant, I knew that he would either kill the baby or both of us… I started to die the day I thought you had." Rae stopped again, she had been talking for a while, and she was incredibly tired, but she wanted to keep going, get it all finished in one go, and then hopefully she wouldn't have to ever think about it again.

"When they found me, I don't know what happened, I don't remember it. I heard footsteps, like someone was walking above me, and then it went quiet, I knew everybody had gone, and there was complete darkness, nothing, no sound, no light, it completely enveloped me and I was convinced that I would die there, alone, just me and my child. There was a bright light, too bright, and then it was gone, it happened a few times, I had no idea what it was but it was there." Rae knew what it was now; the flash was part of a set up taking pictures to put on that animal's perverted web site. For a moment the face of Neil Crosier came up in front of her, and she shuddered, hateful man.

"Rae?" Jesse felt her shake again, but only for a moment and it was gone. She was leaning back on the arm of the sofa, no more tears were falling, but he had a feeling that she wasn't far from crying once again.

"When I remembered that you were dead, Steve and Alex showed me that you weren't, and I was just so relieved, everything was going to be all right, but I should have known better. You were there, but I didn't know where you were, you weren't with me, and then his mother tried to kill me, and she shot Steve. You were right there in front of me, but I had no idea where you were, and everything went wrong. And today you … went away, I didn't … I didn't know where you or Eliana was, and I … suddenly … knew that something … something would go wrong, and … I couldn't get to you, and you … wouldn't be … able to help … and … I couldn't … I couldn't … breathe." Rae stopped, the memories of her panic attack and the desperation she had felt were too recent; she was having trouble breathing again, and closing her eyes she tried to hear Mark's voice.

"Rae, you can do this, breathe quietly and slowly, and you will get control, it's ok, I'm here now, you know just where I am, nothing is going wrong, there, in and out that's it." Jesse had an almost singsong tone to his voice, and he could see that he was making a difference to his wife. Once she had calmed herself again Jesse took her hand in his. "Rae, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Why did you panic today? Because that's all it was, just a panic attack. I know that they are frightening, but you can get over them quickly. I left you at Amanda's, I have left you here, just you and Eliana when I've gone to work, why was today any different?"

"Because I didn't know where you were.  You got into the car and you went, you and Ana, I still don't know where, the other times I knew you were working. If I had a moment of panic I could shut my eyes and see you, Doctor Travis, in your white coat, tending to someone who needed you much more than I did, and everything would be ok. Because when I know where you are, then in my world, everything is always ok."

Jesse didn't say anything, he didn't have any words to reply, but just the feeling of her body next to his, the warmth as she snuggled up to him, he knew that he felt exactly the same way.


	23. To Have and To Hold

**To Have and To Hold**

Rae had been visited by her demons in the night after her panic attack, and Jesse, not wanting to leave her alone, but needing to go to work, and knowing that Steve and Jo would prefer to be by themselves, had taken her to see Mark. The time had passed quickly, and Rae had found herself relaxing more as the day progressed. She had been thrilled to see Kira, and Eliana had been spellbound by the cat.

Jo had called mid morning, and learning that Rae was there had suggested, a little shyly, that she and Steve came over there for dinner so that they could all discuss the Todd case together.

By seven that night, Jesse and Alex had finished work and come over, and not only Jo and Steve, but also Amanda and, to everybody's delight, Ron had arrived.

Jo had picked up take out on the way over, and so, with the files sitting in a neat pile on the counter, and lots of different containers and bowls on the table, the eight friends caught up on each other's lives and enjoyed the pleasant company.

"So, I hear that you had a little trouble apprehending a female assailant yesterday." Ron smiled as he spoke, and somehow that made Steve feel even more stupid that he already did. He had been surprised how much better he had felt after a good night's sleep, and, he had to admit most of the day too, and although he had a bad headache, considering what had happened he was feeling pretty good.

"Oh, great, so now my exploits have gotten all the way to Quantico." Steve shook his head, a feeling of self-pity attempting to take him over, but it found itself fighting with the headache and he wished he hadn't done so.

"I have no idea; I don't work there any more." Ron stopped talking and waited, feeling Amanda's hand take his under the table.

Rae was the first one who realised what he had said and she turned, not to Ron but to Amanda. "And that would be the reason for the gleam in your eye, wouldn't it?"

"I don't know what you mean." Amanda wasn't smiling but grinning, and Rae knew that her friend was now part of a permanent couple.

Slowly Rae got up and moved over to the side of the table where Ron and Amanda were sitting and kissed them both. "I'm glad, really glad, for the two of you." While she was up Rae headed for the spare bedroom to check on her daughter and she could hear the animated conversation that she had left behind her as she walked.

Eliana was sitting up in the travel cot that Jesse had brought over with him when she had been dropped off that morning, but when she saw her mommy she pulled herself up to standing and grinned a happy grin. "Aii, aii."

"Shhh, you're supposed to be going to sleep, and I'm going to go discuss body parts. Hey, I tell you what, let's swap places, what do you say? I'll bet Uncle Steve would just love to have you to play with instead."

"eeeve." Eliana smiled, proud of herself, and then much to Rae's relief plonked back down in the crib.

Rae sat in the chair that was next to where Jesse had set up his daughter's bed and began to gently rock the cot back and forth with her foot, gradually, over the next ten minutes or so Eliana's eyes began to close, and finally with a sigh Rae stood back up and left the room.

The table had been cleared and now the files were laid out on it. As Rae sat down Steve began to go through what information he already had, and any ideas that had come to him since the distasteful case had started. After about an hour all the information had been shared, the files were open and at least two different conversations were taking place. Gradually though the eight of them began to focus together, and Ron started to speak. "And you have no idea who these people are?"

"Nope, not a clue, apart from what Amanda has provided for me, I am as much in the dark as I was when the first arm turned up in my parking space."

"I think that there are a couple of clues." It was Mark who spoke, and everybody turned to listen to him. "It seems to me that the male parts are treated differently to the female."

Jesse smiled, and Rae knew that he had an idea what Mark was getting at.

"How do you mean?" Alex looked a little confused and picked up a file again. He was still very flattered to be included in these conversations, and didn't want to make a fool of himself.

"Well, the thing that got me started was that Steve found it hard to stomach the fact that the arm of the male victim was removed while he was still alive." Once again Mark stopped, giving everybody else a chance to work it out for themselves.

"But the woman was dead, right?" Alex had the pictures of the severed limbs in front of him, and didn't look up as he spoke.

"She was, wasn't she? And then the hair." Steve had it now too, and a smile flickered across his face. 

"The hair was cut on the female, but pulled out by the roots on the male. Why the difference? It's as if he doesn't want to hurt her."  As Rae thought about what she had just said Ron began to speak. 

"How many parts do you have so far?" He thought he knew, but just wanted to double check.

Amanda looked at him. "I have a humerus of a male and a female, I have the hair of a male and a female, and then I have the genitalia of a male…" She paused for a moment as all the men around the table looked distinctly uncomfortable. "And I also have a male foot, all taking up space in my lab waiting to be joined with their missing bits."

"Amanda!" Steve smiled as he spoke, knowing that although she was an extremely proficient and experienced pathologist, somehow this case was only workable if she could lighten it a little. He wished that he hadn't raised his voice, and was suddenly aware of his headache beginning to raise itself to an unignorable throbbing presence in the back of his head, so he reached into his pocket, took out two Tylenol and swallowed them down. Rae and Jesse looked at each other and shuddered.

"How can you do that?" Rae hated to see Steve take tablets, because of what he had just done.

"What? How can I do what?" Steve looked confused.

"Take headache tablets without water, just crunch and swallow, ewww, Steve, it's just, well, gross." Rae knew that she sounded like her eleven-year-old daughter but she couldn't think of any other way of describing it.

"Honey, if you have a headache, maybe we should go home." Jo rested her hand on Steve's arm, the concern evident in her eyes.

"No, Jo, I'm fine, I haven't taken any painkillers since this morning, and I'm concentrating, but I really need to get my head round this, so we stay, ok?" Steve looked at Jo; he didn't like being cosseted, at least not in public, and felt a little embarrassed by what she had said. Jo realizing that he was upset just nodded and turned back to the group as a whole.

Mark, wanting to draw everybody back into the reason for them all being together, began to talk as if the previous conversation hadn't happened. "I think that you all have it now. There is a difference between the male and female in this case. There is definitely no love lost between the male victim and his murderer, but the woman, she may be dead, but somehow he is treating her differently."

"Because he does love her." Rae spoke quietly, but everybody heard. "How could he do that to someone he loves?"

"People do a lot of awful things in the name of love; I guess this is no different." Ron was speaking quietly as well, this case, although new to him was affecting him, as it was each of them.

"Where is it?" Rae's right hand began to move papers around, and although nobody spoke everyone could see that the movement was considerably less painful than it had been, and Alex made a mental note of everything she did.

"Here we go, he, it has to be a he, doesn't it?" Rae looked round, two pieces of paper in her hand, and receiving nods from everybody carried on speaking. "He says that you know one of the victims, Steve, and then later on that the other one hasn't been logged as a missing person." Rae paused for a moment, lost in thought, and then continued.  "If you decided to bury Jo under the patio, I guess you wouldn't call her in as … mislaid now would you? So maybe the woman is the wife or partner, or mother or something of the guy chopping her up, and he just can't bring himself to be quite as harsh to her as he can to the man. Who maybe was … her lover?" Rae stopped talking; she had nothing else to say, and wondered whether anybody would agree with her.

"Honey, if I'm not seen for a few days after my weddin' next week, would you come an' check my garden?" Jo smiled as she spoke and then laughed. "Guess I'll get Michael to hide all the sharp implements." Jo leant in towards her husband to be and gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"Maybe a lover, I don't know. Rae, if you found out that Jesse had been having an affair, what would you do?" Steve knew that she would take the question in the way it was intended, and he was right.

"I'd kill him… No, I wouldn't, but I'd leave, I have no doubt about that. This guy isn't all there though is he?"

"No, Honey, it's his victims who aren't all there any more." 

Rae stuck her tongue out at Jo, and then caught Ron smiling the other side of the table. "So are you still glad that you moved out here?"

"Are you?" Ron fielded the question neatly.

"Oh, yeah, every day, I have never regretted it." Rae smiled at Jesse and was pleased to feel his leg rub against hers.

"Well, there you go, you have your answer."

Rae began to consider Steve's evidence once more, while enjoying the banter that was such a part of her life when everything was going fine. "Steve, he says you know one of the victims, is there anyone that you can't remember seeing for a while?"

"No, I've been thinking about that too, and the only thing I can come up with is that it is someone that I maybe know by sight, or just to say hello to, because everybody that I care for is right where they should be … You don't think that their being killed has anything to do with me do you?" It was a horrific thought, and they could all see that it had only just occurred to Steve.

"No, Son, I don't think so, because the note says … thank you, Sweetie." Mark took the pieces of paper from Rae, and then began to read. "_Lieutenant Sloan, I thought I would just deposit my collection of limbs around LA until someone worked out what I was doing, but then you got involved in the case and I decided to play. Is there any way you can beat me? I doubt it. Is there any way you can stop me? I doubt that too, but you are welcome to try. I will even give you a clue. One of the victims is known to you.  S. Todd"_

"Ok, I said that if Jesse had an affair I would leave," Rae began again, trying to reason out the actions of an irrational human being, "but if I was either certifiable, or a homicidal maniac, I wouldn't leave, I would kill. But to cut them up, while alive, that is … that is way more than hate, or loathing, that is … barbaric. And he seems excited by the fact that you are on the case. Steve, I don't think that you are to blame for the killings, but I do think that he will consider you a challenge, and you have definitely increased the enjoyment he feels at what he is doing, especially as far as the male is concerned."

"I agree, he was just going to leave bits of body all over the place, but now it is a battle between you and him, and as Rae says he is enjoying himself." Mark put the pieces of paper down as he spoke, and saw the anxiety cross Jo's face.

"An' will he try to hurt Steve?" She was still worried about him after his brush with Sandra Breth the previous night, and didn't want him anywhere near a madman like this guy was if she could help it.

"No, no, I don't think so, he is trying to beat Steve, not incapacitate him, he should be fine. This guy wants to beat him mentally, and so he needs Steve to be at the top of his game so that the sport is good." Alex hadn't spoken for a while, but he loved anything vaguely psychiatric, and was pretty sure that what he was saying was correct.

Jo smiled, she believed the young man in front of her, "Thank you, Alex." Steve tried to cover up a yawn and Jo, seeing it, decided to call the evening to a close. "Steve, you need to get some sleep, Mark it's been lovely us all bein' together like this, but I am goin' to take your son home an' put him to bed."

"Well, who can refuse an offer like that?" Steve smiled, albeit a little awkwardly and then stood up. "Guys, thank you, I need to brainstorm every now and again, it really helped." 

"Ah, Steve, could I have a word before you go…? I'll be quick, Jo, I promise." Alex saw Jo move protectively towards Steve and hurried to reassure her.

"Well ok, just for a minute then. Rae, Honey, I could actually do with a moment of your time. We have a weddin' to arrange remember." Rae smiled and taking Jo by the arm they began to talk together.

The two men moved away from the rest of the group and Alex, being conscious of Steve's slightly weakened condition, waited for him to sit before beginning to speak.

"I had a call from Daniel, Steve. He's really scared, and he wants me to help him."

Steve looked at Alex and could see the worry in the young man's normally kind and considerate eyes. "Daniel?"

"He held up the store?" Alex knew he didn't need to say any more.

"Oh, of course. I missed his court appearance, but I submitted a statement on his behalf. Do you know what happened?"

"Yeah, he got a six month detention in juvenile hall, and he has to attend school every day, get his grades up, and go see an autopsy being carried out on someone who was killed by a teen with a gun, I really want to help him if I can."

"Oh, he got Judge Bannerman didn't he?" Steve smiled and leant back against the chair, but moved straight away as he felt his stitches.

"Steve, are you alright?" Alex switched to doctor mode instantly, putting his hand on Steve's arm as he did so.

"Yeah, I have stitches in the back of my head, and I forgot they were there. Alex, what do you plan to do to help this kid?"

Alex moved his hand but kept an eye on his friend. "I don't know, but he doesn't have anyone, no family, no friends, not real ones anyway. Zeke may have been a nut, but he was the only family he had. I guess I feel kinda responsible for him losing that."

"Trust me, Alex, he's better off without him. Look, I'll call through in the morning, see what I find out for you, I'm sure that you can go visit with him but don't be surprised if he spits in your face." Steve stood up, he was tired and he wanted to go home, but he didn't want to brush Alex's concerns aside. There were precious few people like him who wanted to help, but Steve knew that he needed to know how things were first.

Alex cast a glance in Jo's direction and then began to speak. "Steve, go home, I'll call you in the morning, I'm not working until the afternoon, and I'll deal with it then. Go on, I don't want to get on the bad side of Jo."

"Hey, me either!" Steve smiled a tired smile and looked over in the direction of his fiancée.

By the time the goodbyes had been said, and everyone was on their way home Mark realised that he was feeling very tired and a little feverish. He headed for the kitchen, only pausing to take a couple of painkillers out of his bag.

"Mark, are you ok?" Alex was once again in doctor mode, and followed his friend as he moved towards the sink.

"Yeah, I just feel a little under the weather; I'll be fine in the morning." Mark swallowed down his tablets and smiled. "Go watch TV or whatever, I think I'll go to bed and read.

Alex watched as Mark headed for his room, and then with a sigh he picked up the television remote. He didn't think it was anything more than indigestion, but he would keep his eye on him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Rae, Jesse and Eliana got home it was just after ten and as Jesse was putting his sleeping daughter carefully in her crib he heard the phone ring and Rae's delight as she heard the voice of her eldest son on the other end of the line.

"John, it's so good to hear you, how are you…? No, I haven't spoken to him in about a week why? … Oh, John!" Jesse came into the room to find his wife sitting on Tony's chair, tears running down her face as she listened to the phone conversation. She didn't say anything for a while, but indicated for him to come closer and leant into him. "No, of course, no, you know we'll come … John, we'll get a flight as soon as we can, and don't worry about it … Yeah, I know, but it's what mum's do, we're allowed to cry… John, I'll talk to you tomorrow, ok … no it won't be before then … but I promise I will be there as soon as I can, bye, Baby… yeah I love you too, bye."

"Rae, is everything all right?" Jesse watched as Rae tried to gather herself together, and saw her nod.

"That was John, Jesse, he's getting married."

Jesse smiled. Now he understood the tears, and taking his wife into his arms he kissed the top of her head and listened to all her news.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had drawn into the driveway and rung the doorbell before Steve began to stir in the passenger seat. He got slowly out of the car, still aware of the pain in his arm, and the tightness of the stitches in his head not to mention the slightly nauseating thumping that went with them. As he walked towards Jo he stopped for a moment and just stared at her. This time next week they would be man and wife, then with a smile he moved over and putting his arms around her waist he kissed her gently on the side of her neck.

"Mmm, I can see someone is feelin' a little better, but don't you think we should go inside, we don't want to frighten off the neighbours." The front door opened as she spoke, and Michael moved aside to let them enter.

"Sir, Madam, I trust you had a pleasant evening."

"Thank you, Michael, yes we did." Jo smiled as she was greeted by her manservant, knowing that her life would never be the same again if he wasn't in it. She had heard of many butlers who had left households when their employer married, and she was so glad that it wasn't going to happen to her.

Steve took her by the hand and walked her slowly into the morning room needing to sit, but needing her also. They sat for a little while not saying much, just enjoying each other's company as they wound down from the mental activities of the evening, and then they went quietly upstairs, snuggled down together and slept soundly.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Cheryl had come over to see Steve on the Friday morning, anxious to make sure that there were no mistakes on the Saturday. Sandra Breth had disappeared without trace, and the only clues to her whereabouts had been a diary in her room with the 1st March ringed in red.

Steve had contacted the priest at St Kevin's and broken the news to him gently that the wedding on Saturday would have to be postponed, but that it must look as if the ceremony was actually taking place.

Sam Yip and Ben Chapman had been given the task of posing as the happy couple and the guests and clergy were plainclothes officers too. The Captain had approved all the plans and, unless the suspect was held in the meantime, then everything had been set for the Saturday.

The alarm in Cheryl's house went off at seven on Saturday morning, and Martin groaned and prepared to move. The first few minutes of every day were definitely the worst as the painkillers had worn off over night, and, because he was stiff from lying still, every movement hurt. As he began to flex his fingers and move his arm a little he felt Cheryl turn beside him and place a soft and gentle hand on him.

"Here, take these and then close your eyes for ten minutes, you'll be fine." Cheryl gave him his tablets and a glass of water and once he had done what he was told she put her head on his good shoulder, and together they lay waiting for them to work. She had been right, and after about ten minutes Martin knew that he could get up and face his day.

"Hey, not yet, you don't need to, not yet, and I have a little while, I want to talk to you … in case this goes wrong today."

Martin didn't say anything, he didn't have to. He knew the risks involved in every stake out, but this one was different, and he needed to talk to her too, but he would let her speak first.

"I've been thinking about what you said the other night. Martin, I don't know that I have told you, but I do love you, and even though you're hurt right now, you being here with me, well it just seems right. Honey, what I'm trying to say is that … if I don't come home tonight, this has been wonderful, and apart from your arm I wouldn't change any of it." Cheryl leant across then and placing a finger on his cheek turned his face towards her and began to kiss him, her tongue visiting the whole of his mouth, and Martin felt himself melt.

When she finally pulled away Martin knew that, once he got his breath back, he had to speak. "Cheryl, I need you to listen to me, really listen, ok?"

Cheryl just nodded, knowing that what he was going to say was obviously very important to him.

"This isn't just another case, another stake out, however much we want to pretend that it is. This woman killed six of our colleagues, decimated our squad room, she shot me, attacked Steve." Martin paused for a moment, the enormity of it all hitting him once again. "Cheryl, please, don't let the emotion of it get to you. You're a good cop, but this would test anyone… I love you too, and I need you to come home tonight."

This time it was Martin who began to kiss Cheryl, as he did so he felt his love for her grow, and as he gently moved his mouth down towards her breasts he felt her respond to him.

By the time Cheryl had showered, eaten and begun her drive to Saint Kevin's she could feel the adrenaline as it pumped through her system. The sun was warm through the windshield of her car, and she allowed herself a passing thought for the couple who would have had a beautiful day to get married.

Father Gerald had been standing waiting for her just inside the church doors and directed her towards his office. 

"Father, I'm really sorry that it has come to this, but we have to be here today, this woman needs to be caught, before she kills again. Now, if you go back to your house and spend the day there, as soon as it is over we will come get you." Cheryl didn't say that the priest would probably know when it was over because of the sounds of gunfire; she thought that was best left unsaid.

The plan began to swing into action at half past ten, although there had been plain clothes officers on duty since the night before, in case Ms Breth had decided to set up early. No one was in any doubt that she would attack the church today, and no one was in any doubt that they would get her. Twelve people had died, six of them cops, and there was no margin for error or failure not on this one.

Kim and Ben, wearing their wedding clothes, and Sergeant Lee from traffic, playing the part of father of the bride, sat inside the church waiting for Cheryl to return. They were going to have a wedding every hour until Sandra Breth showed up, but they were sure that she would be there for eleven, the time of her non-existent marriage.

Ben and Captain Newman, who was determined to be a part of the operation, although he had made it clear that Cheryl was the officer in charge, stood outside the church at ten to eleven, their experienced eyes scanning the area, each of them reassured by the feeling of the bullet proof vests underneath their suits.

Gradually they went through the order of service for a wedding in both actions and thoughts. Sam arrived on the arm of her temporary father and had 'photo's' taken outside the church. Then they sat inside for just over a half hour before getting ready to go back out to complete the mock ceremony. 

Cheryl was in position across the street where she had been keeping a watchful eye on the passers by and the parked cars. As she saw Kim and Ben come out through the double doors she also saw a car pull away from the kerb opposite and she knew that she had to act, fast. 

Cheryl pushed the gas pedal down and pulled in front of Sandra Breth's car, stopping her from shooting and then driving away. As she did so she heard the sound of automatic weapon's fire and saw the Captain fall to the ground. Another unmarked vehicle cut off the possibility of the car reversing away, and Sandra climbed out of the car, still firing as she did so. 

Cheryl was out of her car without even realising it, and she watched in horror as two more of her colleagues fell and then suddenly realising that the woman was in her sight, although with her back to her she called out, "Stop! Police! Or I'll fire." There was no sign of recognition from the woman in front of her, and Cheryl took aim and fired a shot into her suspect.

After that, for Cheryl at least, everything seemed to go into slow motion. Sandra Breth turned, her movement increased by the momentum of the bullet, and she was still shooting. Everything began to rush again after that and Cheryl felt a burning pain in her arm, was slammed back into the pavement, hard, and for a few moments knew nothing.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Detective Banks … come on, wake up."

Cheryl could hear the voice of her boss, but it seemed to be coming from a long way away. She tried to move towards it, knowing that she would be in trouble if she didn't answer, but it seemed to be too much effort.

"Detective … Cheryl."

That did it, she wasn't sure that she heard right, and opening her eyes, Cheryl could see, albeit a little fuzzily, that it was indeed her boss who had called her by her Christian name. "Sir?" Suddenly everything came back to her. "Did … did we get her?"

"Yes, Detective, we got her. There will be a visit to the hospital and then she won't be shooting anybody else ever again."

"Oh, thank God." Cheryl felt the world shift a little, and she knew without a doubt that she was about to be sick and turned away, after that she remembered nothing more.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve walked slowly down the hallway towards Cheryl's room carefully pushing the wheelchair in front of him. The Captain had called him to let him know what had happened, and once he had ascertained that Cheryl would be alone after about an hour Steve had picked Martin up and they were now on their way to see their friend and girlfriend, who they were both relieved to know was suffering from nothing more than a concussion and a flesh wound to her arm.

"Steve, thank you, although I don't know that the wheelchair was necessary."

"Jesse'll have my hide if he sees you roaming the corridors. Right room 3984, here we go."

Martin pushed the door with his good hand and then they both looked in at Cheryl. She was lying on her back in bed, her eyes were closed, and apart from the bandage around her arm she looked fine, asleep but fine.

Steve pushed the chair as close to the bed as he could and then watched with a smile as Martin began to stroke her hand. Gradually Cheryl began to stir and with a sigh Martin raised the hand to his lips and kissed it.

Steve felt a little bit of an interloper, but he just wanted to make sure she was ok, and then he would head for the canteen and grab a bite to eat. He had to grin to himself though, there were three cops in the room, and none of them was fit for duty right now.

"Martin, is that you?"

Martin smiled and wondered why they said that to each other, "Yeah, Sweetheart, it's me, how are you doing?"

For a moment Cheryl's face remained peaceful, but then both men could see her remember.

"Martin, what happened, did we get her, the Captain, he … he was shot, and I … I tried to get her, did I get her?"

"Shhh, shhh, yes, Baby, you got her, it's over, the Captain was fine, he was wearing a vest, I think he is feeling a little sore, but nobody was hurt, well, except you and her that is."

Steve moved over towards her, knowing that she had no idea he was even in the room, and he crouched down next to Martin's chair, speaking as he did so.

"Cheryl, you did what you set out to do, she's alive to face trial, and the deaths of the cops and all her other victims won't be just lost in the file of an unsolved case."

"No, Steve, I didn't … I didn't set out to be the one to send her to jail, I wanted to be the one to blow her brains all over the sidewalk." Cheryl's voice was animated and Martin and Steve looked at each other for a moment before she continued speaking. "Look at you, Martin, you're in pain, you have no idea when the physical therapist will let you go back to work, and she did that to you. Steve, she attacked you, and she hurt you just for the hell of it, she killed six cops and six other people just because she was scorned, and I wanted her to die."

"Cheryl, listen to me. I know what it is like to want to hurt someone, because of what they've done, and if this is the first time it's happened to you, then you're lucky." Steve stopped talking for a minute. "A long time ago there was a guy called Eddie Gault, he terrorised my family and my friends, and I would have happily sent him into the hereafter, but I didn't, not because I realised what would happen, but because others did that for me. Just be thankful that you didn't kill her, because in the end you would have lowered yourself to her level, and trust me that is way too far for you to fall." Steve stood up then, leant over and kissed Cheryl gently on the cheek. "Detective, I want to see you at my wedding next week, so make sure you look after yourself, ok?"

"It's only a flesh wound, Steve, I'll be fine, and trust me there is no way I am gonna miss finally seeing you getting hitched."

"Martin, you look after yourself, too, at least this way you get to spend some time together, and the Captain may even not guess." With a wicked grin on his face Steve turned and left the room, and the two secret lovers looked at each other, the mixture of fear and anticipation one they both realised they quite liked.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

For Jo, once she had known that Sandra Breth was under guard, Cheryl was all right, and Steve had begun to relax, the rest of the time before the wedding passed in a blur.

Rae had come over on the Sunday, full of her own news about a wedding in the family, and they had, between them, got everything organised. The invitations had been delivered on time by the slightly harassed man who worked at Jo's printing company, and Michael had decided that no catering firm would be needed; he would provide the food for the whole day as his present to Miss Josephine and the Lieutenant.

Steve had moved back into the beach house on the Tuesday morning, leaving Jo to enjoy her last two days as a single woman in her own home. He and Jesse had shopped for suits, and received the blessing of both women when they had bought dark navy with white shirts and dark blue silk ties.

Rae's bridesmaids dress had been bought from the store they had found on the internet, and Jo had purchased a beautiful wedding dress that she now had in her closet covered by a sheet. Every opportunity she got she went and had a quick peek at it, hardly daring to believe that she would be wearing it to marry the man she loved more than any other.

David had arrived on the Tuesday, and was staying in town. He had called and asked if he could bring his own girlfriend with him, and Jo was now waiting, a little nervously to meet her. Rae was with her, as was Eliana; they were all in the living room listening for the sound of the doorbell and as Michael was getting groceries they would have to answer it. It was then that the relaxed atmosphere changed to one fraught with anxiety and distress.

"Texas, sit down, you're making me nervous, and it's not my brother. No, Eliana, Honey, don't do that." The little girl had a pile of board books, which were her latest treasure. She loved the brightly coloured pictures, and when she had discovered that if her mommy moved them the picture changed she had become enchanted with them. Now though she was sucking the corner and Rae could see it was getting pappy. As Rae spoke a piece of the cardboard came off in Eliana's mouth and she began to cough and choke. At the same time the doorbell finally rang and Jo was torn between her brother and her goddaughter. "Go, I'm fine."

Rae wasn't really fine, but she hoped she could cope. Without the aid of her left arm it was difficult to move Eliana so that Rae could slap her on the back, but the little girl was getting panicky and Rae knew that she had to do something fast. The coughing stopped and Rae could tell that her daughter could no longer get enough air into her lungs. "Texas, I need you!" Rae's voice was urgent, and Jo turned and rushed away from her brother and his girlfriend, hearing Rae once again as she ran. "Someone call 911!"

Jo had assessed the situation in an instant, taken Eliana from Rae and, placing the little girl so she was lying down her forearm, she began to talk to her, "Eliana, Honey, hi, Sweetie," but she got no response and so she put a finger gently between her lips and opened her mouth, but Jo knew that she couldn't risk taking out the piece of now swollen board, there was just as much chance of her pushing it further down her throat as there was of her removing it. She carefully turned her over, placed five blows in the middle of the child's back, and then moved her so she could look in her mouth again. The main piece of card had been dislodged and she was able to pull it free, but there was no reaction from her godchild and so, cautiously placing her so that Eliana was secure on her arm and against her chest she breathed into her mouth and nose five times. There was still nothing, and knowing that some of the card could be blocking her airways she took a deep breath herself before carrying on. Jo had pulled up the top that Eliana had on, and she could see that she wasn't breathing and so she began CPR. She was almost overwhelmed by the relief she felt when the child's chest rose and then fell, until then she hadn't known if what she was doing would work. Jo was still giving artificial respiration when the ambulance arrived and the paramedics came and took over. Jo had been so focused on the task at hand that until she felt herself being moved away she had been aware of nothing else.

Jo became conscious of the sounds around her, and the first one was that of Rae, who was trying to control her own breathing just a little to the right of where her baby was now being treated, and another paramedic was talking quietly to her. Jo moved across, and Rae looked at her, her whole body shaking.

"Shhh, it'll be all right, they will make her well for you. She has come back from worse than this, Rae, it's all right." Jo wasn't sure what she was saying was true, but as she finished speaking suddenly Eliana began to cry. "Oh, thank God." Jo suddenly felt all the strength leave her and she sat quickly down on the sofa, resting her head on her knees just for a second.

The paramedic carefully lifted Eliana up and onto the gurney, placing a small mask over her face as he did so, then he went to over to Jo, but she looked up and shook her head. "This lady is her mom, I'm just her aunty."

"There doesn't seem to be any obstruction now, but we need to take her to the hospital, Ma'am, if you would like to come with us?" 

Rae nodded and stood up, she looked down at her tiny child and felt her heart constrict. She turned for a second as the gurney was moved away towards the main doors. "Thank you, Texas, thank you so much."

"Honey, you would have done it if you'd been able, now go, she needs her mommy." 

"Will you be all right?" Rae was concerned; Texas looked a little pale herself.

"I'm fine, now scoot." Jo watched as Rae left the house and then placed her head on her knees once again.

David came and crouched by her side. "Jo, Darlin' are you gonna be ok? I can call Mark over for you."

"No, I'll be all right; it'll just take a moment."

"Well now, Honey, it's not as if it's her own chil' I'm sure she'll be just dandy any time now."

Jo looked up, the disgust evident in her eyes. "An' I'm guessin' you must be Debbie. David, if you will excuse me I think I'll just go an' lie down for a little while. Can you tell Michael when he returns? Make yourself at home." Without another word Jo left the room and headed for the stairs, David turned to Debbie and shook his head.

"Honey, that really wasn't necessary. Eliana is Jo's goddaughter, an' she loves her very much. I know that your momma was no prize, but not everybody is that way."

"Ok, I'm sorry, an' I guess I'll apologize when she comes back down. Now, I think I could do with a little pick me up." 

"I'll show you where it's kept, at least where it used to be kept."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse had been catching up on some of his paperwork, the last batch to his horror was over three weeks old, and now with a cup of creosote that doubled as coffee, he was trying to sort it ready for filing. As he drained the last of his drink he heard his name float into the room.

_Doctor Travis to the ER STAT, Doctor Jesse Travis to the ER STAT._

With a sigh he slid the papers back into his case, locked it and left the room. As he arrived at the desk he saw the nurse coming to see him and heard another announcement.

_Doctor Martin to the ER STAT, Doctor Alex Martin to the ER STAT._

"Doctor Travis, we just got word from the ambulance, it's your daughter coming in, they said she was code blue when they first treated her."

Jesse felt as if his heart had frozen and turning he saw Alex coming towards him. "Jesse, are you all right?"

"Doctor Martin, the patient coming in is Doctor Travis's daughter."

Alex took a deep breath, and then placed his hand on Jesse's arm. "Just wait here, Jess, I'll keep you informed, you know that."

"What, oh yeah, thanks, Alex." Jesse's mind was racing; his daughter had been a picture of health when he had left her at Jo's. 

"Jesse!" Rae was so relieved to see her husband standing there, and as Eliana was wheeled straight into a trauma suite she went over to him and hugged him.

"What happened, Rae, is she all right?"

"She choked, Jess, and … and Texas saved her life. I … I knew what to do but I just froze." Rae sat down next to Jesse. For the moment she couldn't even consider going in to Alex, she needed to be with Jesse.

"How did she choke?"

"The baby books, the cardboard ones? She must have gotten it so soggy that she was able to pull off the corner, and once it was in her mouth it got soggier and pappier and blocked her throat." Rae shuddered, she could see her daughter's face, the lips tinged with blue, and she wanted to be able to forget it as soon as she could.

As they sat there holding hands they heard Eliana begin to cry again. She had been quiet in the ambulance, too quiet for Rae, the sound warmed their hearts, and both of them knew it would be all right. In just a few moments she was screaming, and with a relieved smile Rae went to join her daughter in the trauma suite knowing that she would be the best one to calm her child before they all needed earplugs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Eliana had come home on the Wednesday morning, her normal happy, smiley self, and Rae and Jesse had relaxed again. No one was working that day, and although Jo and Steve wouldn't be seeing each other, everybody else was flitting from house to house, and person to person, having a wonderful time.

Steve, Mark, Jesse, Ron, Alex, David and for a little while Martin, had spent the evening at Bob's just talking through old memories and hopes for the future. They laughed and joked, and enjoyed each other's company knowing that whatever the future, and however many bachelor parties they attended the bond between them was as strong as ever and would remain that way.

Jo's bachelorette party had been held the night that Eliana had stayed in the hospital, and although Jo had missed her best friend very much, and despite Debbie's '_call me Debs it sounds much more friendly'_ presence, she had a wonderful time with Amanda, Shannon, Debbie and Cheryl, who although quiet seemed to enjoy herself. They had gone to an Italian restaurant that Cheryl had recommended and the food and wine, which Debbie had guzzled non-stop, had been excellent.

After the party, Jo had wanted to go by the hospital, just to check on Eliana, Rae and Jesse, but as _Debs_ was a little too tipsy for Jo to just put into a cab and send back to her hotel alone she felt she ought to take her home instead. Jo's initial reaction to her brother's girlfriend wasn't good, but she knew that if anything happened to her, she would never forgive herself, and neither would David. _Debs _was staying in David's suite at the Beverley Wilshire Hilton, a fact that she had managed to get into the conversation at least four or five times, as well as how sweet he was, how big the bed was, and the fact that there was room for two in the bathtub. Amanda was passing right by the door of the hotel however, and so offered to drop her off. Jo readily agreed, but hoped that _Debs _wouldn't go into too much detail about how she knew how many people could have a bath at once.

Jo had arranged for her and Rae to have an aromatherapy massage on the Wednesday afternoon, and once the lady had left they had gone to Jo's bedroom and made sure that everything was ready for the following day.  Jo had decided to have a shower as she didn't like the feel the oils left on her body and when she came back out Rae was fast asleep on the bed. She had smiled and looked at her friend, the position she was lying in made it apparent that she was pregnant once again, and Jo wondered, not for the first time in the last few days, whether she would be brave enough to try herself. Eliana's accident of the previous day had shocked and scared her. In her naivety she had thought that once a baby was born the main problems were over. If she could carry a child for nine months then after that it would just be sleepless nights and diapers, strained spinach and mashed carrots, but she was wrong. The slightest thing could turn into a crisis, and yet Rae had four children and another on the way, the eldest was getting married and the youngest, well it wasn't even here yet. Did she want to go through all that? With a surprised smile Jo realised that yes she did, her and Steve together, she wanted to go through all that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Thursday morning dawned bright and clear, which wasn't really a surprise and Jo went back to her normal room, a cup of herbal tea in her hand and carefully woke her friend. "Rae, Honey, it's eight o'clock an' we need to be gettin' up."

Rae had blinked her eyes, not really knowing where she was, and then with a sudden start it all came back to her. "Texas, oh no, it should be me waking you up with the tea, and I slept in your bed, oh, I am so sorry."

"Now, don't you fret, I have been up for ages, an' it is my pleasure to do this for you. Do you need help with your shower, or are you ok?"

"I think I'll be ok, but do you think you could just stay within earshot?" Rae had been taking a shower on her own at home for a week or so, but Jesse was always just down the hallway, and she didn't want today to be any different although she knew that it couldn't be her husband because he was at the beach house taking his best man duties very seriously.

At ten the lady arrived to do hair and make up. Jo had decided that as Rae was unable to do things as she used to that everything would be done for her and following on from the massage of the night before the two women were pampered and cosseted until just before noon. 

Steve had missed Jo terribly but now he understood why Jesse had wanted to call Rae as soon as they had started his bachelor party, and was glad that he only had a few more hours before he would be with her forever.

Martin and Cheryl had arrived quite early, and once he had found a comfortable spot Martin had fallen fast asleep and Cheryl had sat just enjoying the peace and quiet as well as the sense of anticipation as she watched and cared for him. After an hour's rest Martin had woken up and the two of them had stood for a little while watching the ocean and Steve, on his way through to the kitchen observed them for a moment as Cheryl carefully took a picture of the sea with Martin standing in front of it. He was happy for his old friend; she seemed to have finally found a soul mate, although he knew that once Martin returned to work one or other of them would face the prospect of transferring to another department.

As the clock in Steve's apartment moved up to five to two he and Jesse smiled and hugged each other. The ties went very deep between them, and Steve needed his friend just as much as he needed Jo. 

"Ok, let's do this." Jesse slapped him on the back and broke the moment. With one more smile at each other the two men closed the door on Steve's old life, and walked up the steps towards his new one.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve stood on the deck, the wind catching slightly in his hair and looked back over his shoulder, just for a moment. Behind him were the special people in his life, and he was thrilled that they were all there. His dad was sat almost in line with him, and his eyes were already bright with the emotion of the moment. On the other side of the make shift aisle Jo's brother David's girlfriend, Debbie, was sitting quietly on her own, shielding her eyes against the sun despite the dark glasses she was wearing, waiting for David to join her once he had given his sister away. Steve hadn't had a chance to speak with her yet, all he knew that that she was a tall blonde haired young woman, who Jo had told him she didn't like very much. The rest of the rows had people in them from both their lives, and there was no longer any bride's side and groom's side.

Jesse was standing with him, and as Rae was Jo's maid of honour Eliana was sitting on Alex's lap pulling at his tie and sucking it. She had been upset when Rae had left her with her godfather, but once he had taken her out of her stroller and begun to play with her she was happy to be with him.

Amanda was sitting with Ron and her two boys, and they looked like the happy family that Steve knew they would eventually become.  He was just turning to see the rest of his friends when the music began and, with a sudden loud beating of his heart, he knew that Jo, David and Rae had arrived.

Steve had promised himself that he wouldn't turn, that he would stand and let her join him, but knowing that she was behind him and not being able to see her was too much for him and he moved so that he could watch her as she walked towards him, and the sight of her took his breath away.

Her hair was pulled back from her face, but only softly, and there were wisps of hair hanging down in tendrils that framed and enhanced her beauty. She was wearing a veil, held on her head by something that glinted in the sunlight, and her face had an ethereal quality as he looked at her through the material. 

All this Steve took in, in an instant, and then the dress she was wearing registered on his senses. It was perfectly plain, white, and demure, but incredibly sexy, just how he had wanted her to be. The gown had no sleeves, finishing with a border around the top of the boned bodice that matched the diamonds in her hair. Steve could see the detailed embroidery on the skirt of the dress now too as Jo stood beside him and smiled.

"Hi." Her voice came out in a whisper, and just the one word made his heart beat even faster.  

"Hi." Steve found that his voice wasn't working properly either, and he took her hand in his, knowing that now they would be together forever.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Jo, you look absolutely beautiful, and that gown is just stunning." Amanda kissed her friend gently on the cheek, "Mrs Sloan, you are radiant." 

"Thank you, Amanda;" Now that the service was over and Jo had removed her veil, the dress could be seen in all its glory. The back, which had been all the guests had seen during the ceremony, was plain with small covered buttons on the bodice, but the whole of the back from the waistband was tiny box pleats which splayed out into a beautiful fan on the floor of the beach house. 

Rae moved over towards her friends, she was wearing the dress that she and Jo had picked out over the internet, and she looked very glamorous. It was actually two pieces in a very soft, pale lilac jersey. The top, which was sleeveless, had a cowl neck that fell in gentle pleats, and the skirt skimmed the floor and seemed to move in partnership with Rae. 

"Texas, that was just wonderful, thank you so much for letting me be a part of it."

"It was lovely wasn't it?" Jo smiled and looked across the room to where her new husband was talking with Alex and Jesse. She frowned as she saw _Debs_ come up and give Steve a hug, and then, after a brief conversation, Alex ushered her into the house. Shaking her head to push all thoughts of the unpleasant woman aside, she smiled and looked at her husband again. He was now talking animatedly with his father and Jesse.

The ceremony had been a private intimate affair, just as it should have been. She and Steve had stood, their backs to the house next door to the beach house, with the waves coming gently in to the side of them and exchanged their vows on the deck in front of the people who meant the most to them. After David had given her away, if she hadn't known better she would have sworn that Michael's eyes had a bright look to them. The flowers that had been displayed on pedestals at regular intervals on either side of the chairs which were set out for the guests had been beautiful burgundies and deep pinks, a wonderful contrast to the whiteness of the dress and the blue of the men's suits. 

When the service had concluded Steve and Jo had chatted with their friends and relations for a long time before Cheryl and Martin had come over to see them. Martin had been in pain quite a bit during the day, and had slept, after the ceremony as well as before, and Cheryl was clearly worried about him, and wanted to take him home. But before that they had a wedding present to give to their friends.

Jo, as requested moved over to Steve and then Cheryl handed them a square box and a flatter rectangular shaped package as well. "You have to open that first." Cheryl pointed to the flat parcel, and smiled as Steve began to rip at the wrapping. Inside was a very plain white silk covered book. There were no words on the front, just a pair of gold entwined rings embroidered on the bottom right hand corner. Carefully he opened the cover and there in front of them was their day in pictures. It was clear that Michael had been in on the plot from the start, as was the hairdresser, who had told Jo that she was taking pictures for her portfolio. 

As they turned from one page to another Steve could see how Jo had prepared for their big day, and she could see what he had done, courtesy of some photos taken by Mark on the family Polaroid. "You shot hoops? It was your weddin' day an' you shot hoops?"

"Jesse wanted me to go surfing, we compromised."

"Jesse!" Rae was standing with her husband, and he had their daughter in his arms. She was sucking on the neck of her cardigan and making little slurpy noises as she did so.

"Steve, we have to go, but thank you so much for inviting us. I guess that our secret is out though, huh?" Cheryl could feel the eyes of her captain as they bore through her, and she knew that he had seen them kissing when they thought the deck had been deserted.

"Yeah, but it's better that way. Once Martin is back at work then you'll feel that way too."

Cheryl leant over and kissed her old partner on the cheek. "I'm so happy for you, Steve; I wish you almost everything you wish yourself."

"Pardon?" Steve looked a little confused, and wondered whether he had misheard her.

"I wish you almost everything you wish yourself. That way, you will still have things to dream about and plan for." Cheryl turned and hugged Jo, and then with a quick kiss for Rae she and Martin headed for the door. The four friends watched as they made their way to the waiting taxi each of them wondering if it would be their wedding they attended next.

Two hours later, all the guests had gone, Alex and Shannon were sitting on the sand watching the ocean and Mark was sitting on his still flower draped deck when Jo and Steve heard the sound of the front door bell. 

They had decided against a honeymoon, knowing that Steve was too busy to enjoy it, and so they were going to stay for one last night at the beach house before returning to what was now the Sloan residence in the morning. Those plans all changed though when they opened the front door to find a horse and carriage waiting for them.

"Mr and Mrs Sloan?"

"Yes, that's us." Steve smiled as he spoke; he knew he was going to like that so much.

"Doctor and Mrs Travis request that you accompany me to a secret location."

Steve and Jo looked at each other and burst out laughing and then realised that Mark, Alex and Shannon were standing behind them and Mark had the new Polaroid camera that had been the other part of Cheryl and Martin's present in his hands.

Mark kissed Jo on the cheek and grinned. "Go on, enjoy yourselves." 

Steve helped his wife into the carriage and then he turned to his father. "Dad …"

"I know, Son, I know." Mark felt the emotion of the day threaten to envelope him, and as he placed his hand on Steve's arm he was aware of Alex and Shannon going back into the house.

"No, Dad, you don't, I couldn't have had the life I have without you, been the person I am without you, or mom, I wish she could have been here today …" Steve stopped talking for a moment, picturing the beautiful and kind woman in his mind. Then he took Mark into an embrace that covered everything he had ever wanted to say and as they parted he looked into his father's eyes.

"I love you, Dad."


	24. The More Things Change

**The More Things Change …**

The envelope on the seat of the carriage had told Jo and Steve, that as much as Rae and Jesse would have loved for them to make the entire journey in such a romantic fashion it would take them until Monday to get to their final destination, and so they were taken home, where they found bags packed and another letter with details on how to get to the next stop on their honeymoon.

Steve had stopped just in front of the main entrance to the house and waited for Jo to join him. She had been talking to the horse while Steve tipped the carriage driver, and so was a few moments behind him.

"Honey, you can go in, you have a key."

"I know, and I've unlocked it, but I also have a wife, and it is customary …" For a moment Steve felt incredibly embarrassed, but he carried on. "Well, I guess I'm waiting to carry you over the threshold."

"Oh, Steve, how romantic, thank you … you're not goin' to drop me like you did Rae are you?" Jo knew he was being serious, but she couldn't resist, and was delighted when, far from being cross or uncomfortable, he joined in the banter.

"Well, that was my first time carrying a lady up to her bed chamber, but I've practiced a lot since then, and I think you'll be all right!"

"Oh, ha ha." Jo put her arms round Steve's neck, and suddenly was in his strong arms. She leant in and began to kiss him, feeling the passion rising in her as she did so. As they moved into the hallway and Steve gently lowered her to the floor they saw a big red heart with a smaller heart shaped envelope attached to it.

Steve had read the note over Jo's shoulder, but now was gently kissing her neck. "What do you want to … do? The note says … that Cranberry Cottage … is booked from … first thing tomorrow morning … until Sunday night. So we could … either stay here and leave in the morning, or drive … up tonight. We'd have … to find somewhere to sleep … in the car up there … but we would have … more time at the cottage." 

Jo shivered under the touch of her husband lips and moved so that she could begin to kiss him. When they finally moved apart she smiled, and ignoring what they had just done completely, began to speak. "If we sleep for a few hours now, an' then share the drivin' neither of us will get real tired. I think we should go about three in the mornin'. It's about a six hour drive; that will get us there for around nine thirty, an' then we can have the whole of tomorrow to ourselves, what d'you think?"

"Sleep? You really want to sleep?" Steve had a gleam in his eyes as he spoke and then pulled her to him once more.

"Yes, I do." Jo stopped as she saw his crestfallen face. "Honey, I know that this is our weddin' night, an' I know just what you want to do, but if we wait until we get to Cranberry Cottage then somehow it will be more special. We're married; I want the first time to be different to how it has been in the past … does that make sense?"

"If that is what you want to do, then ok, that's fine with me." Steve smiled, and he knew that even though it wasn't really fine with him that he would wait, just for one night.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The journey to Monterey Bay was, as Jo had guessed, just over six hours long, and leaving at three thirty in the morning they didn't see anyone else until about six. Steve's truck had been returned, and he had driven with Jo as close to him as she dare get in the front seat watching the world wake up around them.

The directions to the cottage had been easy to follow, and just before ten Mr and Mrs Steve Sloan picked up the key from the agent and drove the final couple of miles to their destination.

"Oh, Steve, it's just beautiful." Jo looked at the almost circular cottage which had a dark tiled roof and arch shaped windows. The final few hundred yards of their journey had been down a private road, and they were now, unless they wished to be otherwise, completely cut off from the rest of the world.

"Want me to carry you over the threshold again?" Steve picked her up as he spoke, and she felt his muscular arms once more as she was taken into her own private heaven.

After exploring the cottage and having some breakfast Steve and Jo sat on the deck looking out at the ocean. The sands of Monterey Bay were stretched out on either side of them, and if they wanted it was just a short journey down a set of steps to the beach below. 

"So, what do you want to do?" Steve looked at Jo; she was lying back on a lounger, her long legs emphasized by the high cut of her bathing suit, her eyes closed against the sun, completely relaxed.

"Nothin', I want to do absolutely nothin'." Jo didn't move, or open her eyes as she spoke.

"You weren't planning on eating then, because apart from the breakfast things there is no food in the place, and I don't think I can call out for barbeque!"

Jo opened one eye and looked at him. "So, I guess I'm goin' shoppin' then, that's what you mean isn't it?"

"Yeah, I guess it is really." Steve leant over and taking both Jo's hands in his he pulled her upright, and then began to gently kiss her, running his fingers through her hair and breathing in the scent of her sun block.

"I'll just get changed then; you go an' work out what you would like for dinner." Jo moved away from him, knowing that by the time they went to bed he would be glad that he had waited.

The day moved on, the shopping was done, they had lunch in a small intimate restaurant overlooking the bay, and then they went shopping for Mark, Rae and Jesse, to get thank you gifts for all they had done for them. After that they just enjoyed each other's company, lying on the sand or sitting making casual conversation and watching the few other people who were about on such a beautiful Friday afternoon, and then they walked hand in hand along the beach, talking about many things, their hopes and fears for the future, their friends, family, and just how wonderful their wedding had been. As they moved back up the steps towards the cottage the sun was beginning to sink and the sky was a beautiful mix of reds and oranges. Steve and Jo stopped at the top of the steps and looked back over the path they had just trod; it had been a peaceful and romantic start to the rest of their lives.

Jo headed for the bedroom shortly after ten, and Steve could hear the shower going for a little while, and then his wife singing as she got herself ready for bed. Steve went into the room, but she was nowhere to be seen, and he knew that she was in the dressing room that was also part of the bedroom suite. He let the water beat down on his back as he took his own shower, and realised just how glad he was that he had been persuaded to wait and treat tonight as their wedding night.

As Steve climbed onto the big four-poster bed with white lace curtains that hung down at each corner, he realised that Jo had been waiting for him to be there before she came in. 

As the door to the dressing room opened Steve thought that his heart would stop. Jo's hair fell down over her shoulders in soft waves, just as he liked it, but it was what she was wearing that made him gasp.

"My God, Jo, you look … stunning." Steve knew that whatever words he used they wouldn't be enough. Jo had on a full length metallic gold coloured gown with a cowl neck. It was completely sheer, and Steve could see almost every inch of her magnificent body as she moved slowly and sensuously towards the bed.

"Thank you, kind Sir, now you know why I wanted you to wait." Jo stood next to the bed, and could see the effect she was having on her husband. She took him by the hand, pulled him to his feet and began to kiss him with a passion and desire that took him by surprise. Her hands ran through his hair, and as Steve began to do the same the material she was wearing rubbed against his nipples causing them to harden and made him let out a moan of pleasure.

Slowly Jo pulled back from his kiss and touch, she gently pushed him down onto the bed and began to plant small kisses across his shoulders, down onto his chest, and then she rubbed his nipples again, this time with her fingers, which resulted in a deeper moan from him.

"Oh, God, Jo …" Steve couldn't really speak, and although he wanted to touch her, to reciprocate, give her some of the pleasure she was giving him, he just lay there, helpless under her hands and tongue. When she gently ran a finger over his erection through his shorts Steve thought he would explode and he lifted his hips so that she could remove his clothing, and then he lay, naked before her, his eyes half closed and his heart beating wildly. 

Jo looked at the man she had married, a shiver ran through her, and her hands began to play with his erection, then she ran her tongue over its head and saw Steve's hands clench into fists as he tried to keep himself under control. With a smile Jo stood up and, very slowly, with her eyes on him the entire time, began to take off her gown, slowly lifting it up so it showed her body gradually from her ankles to her neck and as she finally removed it and let it fall in a heap on the carpet Steve reached up and pulled her down onto the bed next to him, and then his mouth was over one of her nipples, his tongue darting back and forth, and now it was she who was moaning, and arching her back so that her body met with his. Steve moved his hands down and slid them down the sides of the metallic gold coloured panties that she still had on. As he carefully took them off he ran his fingers through the curls that were exposed and Jo let out a gasp.

They played and teased, bringing each other to the edge of ecstasy time and again, until as Jo was sucking and nipping at his manhood with her tongue and her teeth Steve knew that he had to have her, "Jo, Honey, let me take you, now." She didn't need to be asked twice, and in a movement that increased his passion even more Jo turned from him and grasped the rail at the end of the bed. Steve entered her from behind and soon their cries were mingled, and, as the waves crashed to the shore outside their window, they came together, their orgasms coming in wave after wave of their own making, until finally they fell together onto the bed and slept in each others arms.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After the excitement of Steve and Jo's wedding everybody returned to their everyday lives, a little happier, a little more at peace with the world, because of the wonderful time they'd had, and the fact that it was clear that marriage had only strengthened the bonds that Jo and Steve felt for each other, as their love grew by the day.

Rae had travelled to London to help organise her son's wedding, and then two months later she, Jesse and Eliana had gone back and watched as John and Sophie became man and wife, which, Rae told Jesse was impossible because he was still her baby.

In between the two visits to England Rae finally went to The Willows, and found the place to be all that she wanted and more. Jesse, although missing her terribly, realised that with Eliana back at Sally's he could relax and enjoy his job and his life, knowing that his wife really was safe and in a place she wanted to be. He also realised that Rae had been right, he had changed, a lot, since their marriage, and he vowed to try and be the same happy relaxed man he used to be when she returned. It hadn't been easy first of all, but after a few weeks when he could see that she was well on the road to recovery they found that they were enjoying their life together as much as when they had first met.

Jesse knew that if he were to write a memory book of the time from after Steve's wedding to just before Rae's return to work there would be two recollections that he would want to be there above all other, the first was a phone call he had received from The Willows, and the other was when he became a father for the second time.

Rae had stipulated that there would be no contact between Jesse and her apart from e-mail. Not because she didn't want to speak with him or hear his voice, she did, but she was sure that if she did talk with him she would be begging him to come get her, and she knew that she had to stay there for as long as it took for her to get better. So when Jesse was called to the phone in the ER one afternoon while he was talking with Steve about the appearance of yet another body part the last person he expected it to be was his wife.

_"Doctor Travis… Rae? Honey, is that you…?" Jesse shut his eyes for a moment, he had missed her so much, the last three weeks had seemed like an eternity, and he felt his throat constrict, and tears threaten to spill. With a deep breath he asked a question and hoped it wouldn't have a negative answer. "Are you all right…? What, Oh, Rae, that's just wonderful … no, no, of course, I don't mind, I've missed you so much … yeah, I got it, and I read it all the time … Rae, you know I'll be there … I will, and Rae … I love you… bye, Sweetheart… yeah, bye … I know, bye."_

_Jesse had put the phone down, his head swimming with the news she'd given him as well as the surprise of her being on the phone in the first place. Steve had stood there regarding his friend anxiously for the length of the call, and now he couldn't hold his curiosity in any longer._

_"Jess, is she all right?" Steve watched as he just nodded. "What, what is wonderful?"_

_"She had the sensory test done this morning? You know where they pinch her nails?" Jesse could see that Steve had no idea what he was talking about. "It tests the nerve responses, if it hurts then that is a positive reaction, if it doesn't hurt, or if, as in Rae's case, you can't feel it at all, then that is a negative reaction. She has always had feeling in her right hand, but today the left hand hurt just as much." Jesse stopped talking, the realisation of what had happened hitting him once again._

_"Which means what?" Steve's voice was hopeful now; he missed her and wanted her back._

_"It means that it ties in with Doctor Tammai's explanation that if it is just a __neuropraxia, and that seems likely as she can feel the sensory tests, then she should get full movement back in both arms." Jesse couldn't talk any more, and for a few minutes both men were silent as they thought about what Rae's life would be like if she recovered. Then as they walked back towards the doctor's lounge Jesse had spoken again._

_"You know, after she left for The Willows, I found Rae's pain diary. She kept it in a little book in the nightstand, and as she only had one page left to go, she took a new one with her. Steve, I don't think any of us realized just how much pain she was in, or how strong willed and determined she was, never taking anything that might harm her baby. She wrote that every movement was like a red hot fire, and that she was never, for a second, able to forget her injury, even though initially she couldn't remember how she got it." Jesse turned for a moment. "It made me cry when I read it." _

_Steve recognized what Jesse was saying for what it was, and just for a moment rested his hand across his friend's shoulders. "But if these tests prove what you hope they prove, she won't be in that position for much longer, Jesse, she was positive, and happy, you can't ever let her know that you read her book."_

_"I know, Steve, and I won't, but I just had to tell someone."_

_They hadn't talked about it any more, but Jesse relived the telephone conversation in his mind over and over until Rae came home. Not just the news but the sound of her voice, the way she spoke, her half American, half English accent, all were part of her, and he loved and missed her. He just wanted her to come home._

The birth of Rae and Jesse's second child had none of the panic about it that Eliana's had. In fact this baby was exactly the opposite, and showed no interest in being born at all. In the end when Rae was two weeks over her due date Alex had said that she would have to be induced. The threat seemed to do the trick, and the following morning Jesse was woken up by Rae who was obviously in pain, and trying very hard not to show it.

_"Jess, Honey, wake up." Rae's voice was low so that she didn't wake their daughter._

_"Mmm, what is it, Rae? Are you all right?"_

_"No … no, I'm not." Rae stopped talking, and Jesse, suddenly realizing what was happening, opened his eyes to see her begin to ride the pain of a contraction._

_"It's ok, Honey, breathe, keep breathing, that's it, take my hand if you want to, there, does that help?" Jesse just kept talking, nothing words, stringing them together hoping they would mean something, and gradually the pain subsided again. "Do you know how far apart they are?"_

_"Yeah, about two minutes." Rae lay back on the pillow, her right hand still holding tightly to Jesse's. _

_"Ok, I'm gonna call Sally and she will come here, then I'll get onto Alex, and we'll leave for the hospital as soon as Eliana is taken care of."_

_Rae had just nodded, and Jesse became aware that she had been in labour for a while. Her hair was plastered to her head, and her face was flushed with the exertion. Once he'd made his calls Jesse had returned to the bedroom, to find Rae on her feet, trying again not to call out. "Jesse, my waters are gonna break, arghhhhhhh." Rae couldn't keep the cry in any longer, and grasping her hand Jesse gently rubbed circles on her back, knowing that he would deal with the carpet problems later._

_Once that had happened the labour proceeded in almost textbook style.__ They had arrived at the hospital when the contractions were one minute apart, and fifteen minutes after arriving in the labour room Jesse and Rae had two beautiful daughters._

_The little girl was a fair haired beauty right from the start, her eyes were already a dark blue, and her hair was blonde and just like her daddy's although there wasn't that much of it. She had a loud cry, and was permanently hungry, she was also awake continually, and Jesse and Rae were in no doubt that their family had just increased in size._

_They had named their second daughter Anneya, which they had found in the same way as Eliana, by searching through names on the internet. Unfortunately, there was no meaning for Anneya, but they had both thought it a beautiful name and so had decided that it didn't matter._

_Amanda, Ron and Mark had happily agreed to become godparents this time around, and soon the Travis household was happy being four, even if it meant that Rae and Jesse didn't get the amount of sleep they really needed any more._

As the summer turned into autumn and Anneya turned four months old, Rae began to get ready to return to work. She had made an excellent recovery from her injuries, and apart from the odd twinge when she moved without thinking, Rae was almost her old self again.

As had happened after Rae had been attacked and left in a coma, she was starting by going into the station for a few hours a day, and doing paperwork until she had passed her driving and shooting exams and was able to return to the streets.

The Chief had walked through the squad room on her second day back and watched for a while as Rae's fingers flew across the keyboard, while she typed up one of Steve's reports on the 'bits and pieces' case as she called it. The body parts hadn't been coming as regularly as they had at the beginning of the case, but there seemed to be a pattern of sorts to their appearances. 

There had been a female femur left, once again in a car, this time parked in a side street in Venice Beach. Steve had been on his honeymoon for that one; Ben Chapman had taken the call, and then gratefully handed it over to Steve as soon as he returned. After that everything had been quiet for almost a month, and then a hand, minus the fingers had been found. That was in a trash can in a small park just off PCH on a Wednesday morning, and if it hadn't been for the note that accompanied it, Steve might have missed it.

When Rae had finished the typing, and was sitting reading through the printed version she saw a shadow fall across her desk, and looking up, jumped to her feet. "Sir."

"Sit down, Detective." The Chief had smiled, and Rae had known she was in big trouble. "You seem to be very proficient on a keyboard."

"Thank you, Sir, I used to be a secretary in a bank a long time ago, and I've always loved to type. I like the neatness of it, the order it brings to an untidy page of writing."

"Detective, I have to get back to my office, would you walk with me?" Chief Masters moved away from Rae's desk as he spoke and she knew that 'no' wasn't an option. As Rae stood up she knocked a picture frame to the floor, and her boss bent to pick it up. The picture was of Eliana and Anneya sitting in their jogging stroller, when Anneya had been two months old and Eliana twenty-one months. As he put the picture back down the Chief smiled again, "You have beautiful children, Detective."

"Th … thank you, Sir." Rae gazed at the man, she had never understood why people thought that he was cold and inhuman, he had always been exactly the opposite with her, but even she had to admit to being amazed at his interest in her daughters. Rae quietly followed the Chief into his office, stopping only to smile at Cecily, his secretary, on the way through.

"Please take a seat, Rae; I would like to talk to you, about your future with the LAPD."

Rae's heart sank to her feet; she was going to get fired. With a tremor in her voice she thanked him as he indicated which chair to sit in, and then waited for the axe to fall.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Rae got home after picking up her daughters from Sally her mind had finally quietened down. Eliana was now almost two years old, and still as happy and sunny as ever. She had moved through the period when she only wanted her mommy, which seemed to have reached it peak while Rae was at The Willows. She only found out later just how close Jesse had come to calling and begging her to come home. Eliana would cry and cry, and nothing or no one could calm her. Eventually she would fall into an exhausted sleep, but that was the only way she would stop crying. 

That stage seemed to have passed now, and her latest habit was calling her mommy and then saying nothing, and it was driving Rae nuts.

It wasn't until the two girls were both asleep in bed, and Rae was sitting in the family room waiting for Jesse to come home from a late shift before she had a chance to think about what the Chief had talked about with her earlier in the day.

By the time she arrived back at the station in the morning, Steve had to share his 'secretary' with his boss. Cecily was retiring at the end of the week, and although the Chief had a replacement already hired, she couldn't start for another month. Rae wasn't due to start active duty again for another four weeks, and so the two things seemed to work well. 

Cecily spent the morning going through everything that Rae had to do, how to work various computer programmes, answer the phone, who to put through, who not to. And by lunchtime Rae was ready to at least try to do an efficient job while she was there. The only good thing about it was that she would be working nine to five, Monday to Friday. Of course it would be even better if she had a husband who worked the same hours, but she didn't.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae was about half way through her month with the Chief and just returning his coffee cup to the office after washing it when she saw Alex walking down the hallway in front of her. She hadn't seen her doctor since Eliana's eighteen month check up, and even though she loved him dearly that suited her just fine, the longer she could keep away from Community General the better.

"Alex, what are you doing here? Not an unpaid parking fine!" Rae smiled at the young man and moved closer to him.

"No, thank goodness, I'm here to see Steve… How've you been, Rae?" Alex looked at her and could tell that life was treating her well. Her left arm was no longer hanging uselessly by her side, or bent up in his brace, the spark was back in her eyes, and she looked wonderful.

"Fine, I'm almost afraid to say it, but life is good right now. How about you?"

"Yeah, I'm the same. I have more patients now, people who want to be on my list, it's what I always wanted to do and I'm doing it, sometimes I have to pinch myself, y'know?"

"I do, because I was the same when I joined the force in London. I'm glad, Alex, really glad. And Shannon is she ok?"

"Yes, fine, we're thinking of renting a place together, but I don't want to leave Mark alone, and she thinks that her mom still needs her."

Rae smiled, and placed a hand on his arm. "You have plenty of time, Alex, but you have to be selfish sometimes, and do what you want." 

The two friends stood there for a moment, then Alex mentally shook himself, and smiled at Rae. "I'd better go see Steve, he's expecting me."

Rae watched him walk away from her and then she turned and headed back to the pile of papers that was waiting for her. Rae hadn't been lying when she said she enjoyed typing, she had always found it very therapeutic, and had a great sense of fulfilment when she finished a piece of work to the satisfaction of her boss. 

Rae had heard that Chief Masters wasn't the easiest man to work for, and Rae found that she had to be on her toes the entire time, but when Anneya kept her up half the night it wasn't easy. He was a perfectionist, which hadn't surprised her, but what had was the fact that, contrary to belief, he did actually eat, quite large amounts, but was absolutely paranoid about being seen. Rae had learnt to field phone calls and visits during the period that the Chief was considering eating, and so far nobody knew about his perceived transgression. Rae had no idea why he felt so uncomfortable about being seen to eat, after all it was something he obviously did, or he would be long dead, but knew that it wasn't her place to mention it. If the door to the Chief's office had the blind down, Rae knew that he was eating his lunch. This was the case when Rae returned to her office, and, as she sat down with a smile, she began to look over the three pages of neat but tiny hand written figures that he required her to turn in to a well presented proposed budget for the station over the next six months. 

Once Rae knew how to lay out her figures she got herself an herbal tea and then for a moment let her mind wander. She was having a great time working in this office, and only the lure of being a full time cop again was keeping her from wanting to remain here always.

_At the end of the first day that she had started working on her own the Chief had called her into his office and asked her to sit down._

_"Well, Detective, and am I as bad as they say I am?" The Chief had a twinkle in his eye, and Rae had smiled at him._

_"Oh, no, Sir, you're a pussy cat, I've worked for far harder task masters than you, if you'll excuse the expression!" Rae had laughed then as she realised what she had said, and the Chief had joined in too._

_"Why do I get the feeling that it may be I that is to be kept on my toes far more than you?"_

_"Apparently, Sir, I have that affect on people." Rae unexpectedly realised that the respect that she had for this man was partly due to the fact that she liked him, and suddenly the prospect of a type of friendship was available to her._

_"Go home, Rae, I'll see you tomorrow." The Chief stood as he spoke, and she had done the same. Somehow after that they had got into the habit of spending the last five or ten minutes of each day together, and that was definitely something that she knew she would miss when her time here was through. _

Rae shook her head to bring herself back to the tasks in hand, and then with a smile she began to enter the first set of figures onto the table she had created, the neatness and rigidity of their formation pleasing her once again.

As Alex walked into the squad room he could see that Jo was sitting the other side of Steve's desk and he stopped short of his target. Steve saw him and waved him over. "Hey, Alex, how are you?"

"I'm fine, Steve, Jo, you're looking wonderful." Alex bent to kiss her on the cheek, and she marvelled at how the shy young man had matured under the careful eye of Shannon Farley.

Alex pulled up the chair from Rae's desk, which was looking a little clearer and more like its owner liked it these days. As he did so he saw Cheryl walk over to her desk with a coffee and waved a hand at her, and his greeting was returned.

"So, Alex, what can I do for you?" Steve put his pencil down; he didn't want his young friend to think he wasn't taking his visit seriously.

"It's Daniel."

"Daniel…? Oh yeah, the kid from the store. It's been a while, how's he doing?" 

"Not good. He was fostered out, but he hates it, they don't like him, and he is gonna have to go into a home …" Alex stopped talking and waited.

"Oh, what a shame, last time you were talkin' about him he was doin' so good." Jo felt compassion for the young boy. They had learnt quite a bit about him from Alex who had become a very good friend to Daniel and spent many hours with him.

"I wanted to foster him myself, but … well my shifts are a problem, and Shannon's are too, and I'm living with Mark, and that's not fair and …" Alex ran out of words.

"Alex what do you want me to do about it?" Steve looked at the young man and could see that, for the first time in a long time, he was beginning to blush.

Suddenly Steve realised, "Alex, no. Absolutely no way, we've only been married five minutes; he'll just have to take his chances with the rest of them."

"Steve, he was in that store because he was taking his chances with the rest of them. He has tried, really tried, to pull himself together, get back on track, but it will all be for nothing if he has to go into a home."

"Honey, now isn't the time to talk about this, Alex, it's a bit of a bombshell, let us think it over for a couple of days, ok? An' we will, I promise you that." Jo placed her hand on Steve's arm. She could see just how much Daniel meant to Alex, and wanted to help if she could, she just needed to bring Steve around to her way of thinking.

"I can see something of me in him, Steve," Alex explained. "I was a wild child in school, but I had a mom and dad who loved me and made me realise just what I would be throwing away, and I ended up in medical school, and my life is good now, but it could have been so different, and I don't want Daniel to fail because of me."

"Alex …" Steve stopped talking. He knew that whatever he said right now would come out wrong, and he also knew that he was gonna have to talk the whole thing over with Jo as soon as he got home.

Steve had been right. He parked his truck, locked up the garage for the night and moved through the laundry room into the kitchen. As he did so he could hear Jo on the phone in the hallway, and sensing that it was a business call had gone up to take a shower.

"Mrs. Landash, don't worry about it … No, I know, but you have always been a first class tenant, an' we can waive that … Ok, I'll see you at Sholte's in the mornin' an' we'll sign the papers … No, I'll miss seein' you around too, but I understand why you have to go … Ok, bye now." Jo put the phone down; she wasn't at all bothered that she was losing Mrs. Landash as the tenant of one of the homes she rented out.  In fact as a plan began forming in her mind to maybe sell the property she couldn't be happier. She picked up the phone again and began to dial.

"O. Yana."

"Eliana, no, Honey, Mummy has to answer the phone… Hello? Ah, Travis residence… Oh, Texas, hi … yeah, I'm gonna have to put it on a shelf or something. She just loves it… That would be lovely, I take my break from one to two, well, I do if I have someplace to go, which normally I don't… Yeah, I'll meet you in the entrance way."

Rae put the phone down and turned to her daughter who was standing, her lip a mile out in a pout and crouched down beside her. "Honey, you mustn't answer the phone, ok …? I tell you what, if it rings, why don't you come get me? Then Mummy can answer it."

"K." Eliana was instantly appeased, she understood a lot of what her mother was saying, even though she couldn't respond to it all, and so she turned and wandered back to the game she had been playing in the hallway.

Jo chuckled to herself as she walked up the stairs. She loved to hear her goddaughter's voice on the phone, and the little girl just loved using it. When Eliana first picked it up and heard a voice the other end she hadn't been able to respond, and Rae had told Jo that she just stood with a bemused look on her face, and then picked it up even when it didn't ring, just in case someone was there. But now that she had words to express herself, she babbled into it incessantly, and the joy was evident in her voice, every time she did so.

Jo walked into her bedroom and sat on the bed. She had planned to talk to Steve about another subject tonight, but figured that Alex's was more pressing. She had been turning out a closet in one of the attic rooms, which hadn't been touched since her grandmamma had passed on, when she had found a suitcase with her name on it. 

She hadn't opened it, wanting to share its contents with Steve, and had hoped to do that this evening, with a sigh she ran her fingers through her hair, separating a section which she began to braid absentmindedly as she waited for her husband to come out of the bathroom.

"Hey, I thought I heard you come in, are you alright? I hoped you might have joined me." Steve came into the room, wearing nothing but a smile and moved over to kiss her tenderly on the cheek.

Jo looked up at him, the muscles of his chest shiny from the shower, and smelling wonderful. She buried her face into his skin for a moment, kissing it gently and then she looked up and smiled. "I guess we need to talk don't we?"

"No, there are other things I would much rather do." 

"Mmm, well, I can see that, but right now, you are gonna go get some shorts on, an' we are gonna talk."

With a shrug of his shoulders Steve turned and grabbed a pair out of his drawer, then he came back and climbed onto the bed, leant back against the wall and looked over at Jo. "Ok then, you go first. I know what you are going to say, but you can go first."

"I just hate it when you do that."

"Do what?" Steve looked at her, innocence shining out of his blue eyes, and she believed none of it.

"When you tell me what I was gonna say. Ok, did you think I was goin' to say that I spent the afternoon in the attic?"

"Oh, no, I didn't, sorry."

Jo laughed, "That's ok, I wasn't gonna say that, I did, go in the attic I mean, but I wasn't goin' to mention that just yet. Steve, I want to offer to foster Daniel."

"I knew it, I knew that was what you were going to say." Steve rested his arm along the top of the headboard and Jo moved up the bed and snuggled up beside him.

"Steve we have so much to offer, an' he just needs all of it. Love, a comfortable home, someone who is here all the time, day an' night to give him security. He would have a wonderful role model in you, access to Alex whenever he wanted it. He could go to school just down the road, it would be perfect."

"Yeah just perfect. We have been married a little under a year, we have no children of our own, and you want to bring someone else's in here instead."

"No, Steve, not instead, maybe as well as, but not instead." They had been trying for a baby for about three months, but so far nothing had happened. Jo was trying not to think that her experience with Wayne would be her only chance to be a mother, but some days it was easier to dismiss than others.

"And what if he gets in trouble with the law again? Or gets in with the wrong type of kids? Maybe drugs, or drink, what then?" Steve looked at her, and he could tell that nothing he said was going to persuade her that this was a bad idea.  
  


"Then we would help him sort himself out again. Like parents are supposed to. Steve, I lost my mamma an' papa when I was five years old. I had grandmamma, but she was a starchy old lady, she loved me, but there was always somethin' missin' you know?"

"But you turned out ok." As soon as Steve said it he knew he was wrong.

"No, Honey, I didn't turn out ok, not until I met you, an' found someone to love me for what I was, an' saw what I could be. Steve, you saved me from an existence that I can't even begin to imagine. I thought I would be single my whole life, that Michael an' I would rattle around this big ol' house for ever an' a day, an' when we passed on nobody would even notice we were gone…" Jo paused and wiped a tear from her eye. "But now … now, I have a family, friends who love me an' would miss me if I was gone. I have a purpose in life, Steve, I want to do that. I want to do that for Daniel."

"Honey, you haven't even met the guy, and I only saw him as he was shipped away to juvie, hell, he could be an axe murderer for all we know… And whatever he is, he's gonna just love having a cop for a foster parent."

"An' an ex-cop, but that doesn't matter, it's not what we do, or did that matters it's what we can provide for this boy, the love, the care, an' the stability." Jo leant into his arms. She didn't have anything left to say, and she had no idea if what she had said was enough or not.

"Ok, I'll get onto his social worker in the morning, make enquiries and we can arrange to go see him, but just see him, nothing is decided." Steve kissed her head, hoping that the subject was closed, but however much he wanted to believe otherwise, he knew in his heart that everything was very much decided.


	25. The More They Stay The Same

**… The More They Stay The Same**

Rae was just beginning to think of dinner when Eliana came toddling into the kitchen.  "Hi, Sweetie, are you alright?" Rae crouched down so that she was at eye level with her daughter and was rewarded with a hug and a big kiss.

"Nana, Momma." Eliana smiled and waited for her snack.

"What do you have to say first?"

Eliana looked at her mother and then smiled again, "Peeze."

"Ok, I'll get you one." Rae moved across to the fruit bowl on the kitchen table, picked up a hand of bananas, and carefully removed the one that looked the ripest. "I'll just cut it up for you."

"No!" Eliana almost shouted the word.

"Oh, do you want an apple instead?" Rae knew just how often the child changed her mind and so she picked up an apple as well.

"No, nana, Momma … peeze." She raised her hand to try to take the banana from Rae who thought for a moment.

"You want it like this, like Mummy eats it?" The smile that she got told Rae all she needed to know. "Ok, well, you go into the family room and sit on the sofa and I'll bring it in for you." The little girl moved at lightening speed to where she had been sent and by the time Rae had followed her she was scrambling up onto the seat so that she could have her prize.

With a smile Rae carefully peeled the banana about a third of the way down and then she sat next to her daughter. "Ok, now listen … no, listen." Rae moved it out of the way of the little chubby hand which was trying desperately to get a hold of it. "When you have eaten this bit," Rae pointed to the white banana, "Call me and I'll come peel it some more, ok? But slowly, you must eat it slowly."

"K, taaa." Eliana took the banana and Rae watched as she took the first bite, just to make sure that she wasn't going to choke. Once she was sure that everything was fine she kissed her daughter on the top of her head and returned to the kitchen.

Two minutes later Eliana was back. "Nana gone." She had the empty skin in her hand, a very confused look on her face and she had two huge tears in her big brown eyes.

"What? Ana, I told you to eat it slowly, you're a naughty girl … no, tears don't work with me, now go and play, there is nothing more till tea time." Rae picked her daughter up and moved with her into the family room.

"Nana gone, Momma… more, peeze." Eliana's voice was coming out in gulps as the tears poured down her face, but Rae wasn't having it, she knew that Ana had understood what she said, and had hurried it anyway.

"No, I told you not to rush and you still did, Mummy is really cross." With that Rae put the crying child into the playpen and, leaving the door open so that she could keep in contact with her, she went to try once again to prepare the dinner.

It was almost three hours later before Rae and Jesse, who had arrived home just in time for roast chicken with roast potatoes and broccoli, managed to finally sit down together. Eliana had remained upset all evening, and when they had put Anneya to bed she had gone too. Now the house was quiet, all the dishes were happily cleaning themselves in the dishwasher, and they were snuggled up together in the family room, not really saying or doing anything, just enjoying each other's company.

Rae moved a little bit and Jesse's hand touched something in-between the cushions of the seat. "Oh, yuk, what is this?"

"What is what?" Rae looked puzzled, until her husband gingerly removed whatever it was he had found. It was a long sausage shaped … something, Rae didn't know what, and it was brown, and slimy. Suddenly she realised exactly what it was, and the guilt and love that it evoked in her was almost overwhelming. "Oh, my God, oh, Jess, that's awful."

"I know it's awful, what is it?"

"It's half a banana." Slowly Rae explained what had happened, feeling even guiltier with every word. Jesse on the other hand didn't find it awful at all, and by the time Rae had finished speaking he was laughing so much that he was having trouble breathing.

"Jesse, don't, it's not funny, poor little thing, she told me it had gone, and I yelled at her…" Rae thought for a moment. "She must have done just as I told her to, and when she got to where the skin hadn't been peeled back, climbed down from the sofa to come to me."

"And … and squeezed it so hard …" Jesse could hardly continue, and the tears were now running down his cheeks. "That it shot … shot out of the skin … and down between the … cushions, oh, God … Rae, I can't remember the last time … I laughed like this." Jesse couldn't say any more and he lay back on the sofa, his hand over his mouth as he tried to get himself back under control. Finally, he looked at his wife, his eyes still bright with tears, and asked, "What are you gonna say to her?"

Rae shook her head, she was still mortified, "Nothing, she won't understand now, but I will listen to her a little closer in future, poor baby… I'll just go see if she's ok." Rae got to her feet and moved quietly towards the nursery, she opened the door and looked in. Anneya was fast asleep on her back, her thumb in her mouth and her toy in her other hand, Eliana was lying on her side, she had her thumb in her mouth too, but whereas Anneya sucked it any chance she got, with Eliana it was a sure sign that she had gone to sleep upset, she also had her soft dolly clutched to her and Rae's heart constricted. She loved them both so much, and couldn't believe that with a son already married she had another family to enjoy bringing up. Rae moved quietly over to Eliana's crib and, leaning over the rail, brushed the soft hair off her face and then placed a kiss on her cheek. The little girl stirred slightly and then with a smile returned to her dreams.

As Rae turned she saw Jesse standing in the doorway and moved across and into his arms. Together they walked back to the main part of the house, and with a sigh Rae put the events of the day into her memory, knowing that they would stay there for a very long time. _Someday, when she is older, I will apologize, and tell her what happened, I love you Ana, really love you._

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

Daniel Upton had moved into Steve and Jo's house after the six month investigation period, and they had all trodden on egg shells for a while. The first few days had been quiet and strained, but after a week they had argued for the first time.

He had been on the phone in the hallway with one of his friends from the school that he had been unable to attend when his foster parents had sent him back to the children's home. Jo and Steve had come to the decision that if he was happy at that school then they would make sure, between themselves and Michael, that he would be able to get there each morning.

Steve and Jo were sitting in the morning room, both of them concentrating on their own things. Steve had a pile of work folders, and he was trying to sort out the relevant from the irrelevant information in order to clear his desk of some of the paperwork. At the beginning of the conversation they had smiled and listened with pleasure as the boy chatted, but, after half an hour things, were getting a little loud and unnecessary.

_"Man, I'm telling you she could sit under my tree any time she liked. She is hot."_

_Steve looked across at Jo and she smiled. "Leave him be, just a little longer, I guess he is just tryin' to impress his friends."_

_Daniel began to talk again, and it was clear that he was no longer speaking about the person he thought was 'hot'. "Yeah, well, she is a mean old bitch … let her try to tell me, I don't have to take that crap from anyone, least of all a damned teacher."_

_Steve got up, and with a quick glance at his wife went out into the hallway. He stood in Daniel's eye line and just tapped his watch. Then he put five fingers up._

_"Hold on, Craig." Daniel moved the receiver down from his ear and looked at Steve. "What?"_

_"You have been on there for over a half hour, it's time to come off, and watch your language." Steve made sure that he kept his voice down so that he didn't embarrass the boy._

_"I haven't finished, if you've got a problem with that, go tell your congressman." The words were spat out with such venom that Steve had to resist the impulse to step backwards._

_"Ok, that's it, this conversation is over. You either tell your friend that you are going, or I cut you off, got it?" _

_"Craig, I gotta go man … yeah, well, what do you expect from a pig…" The phone was snatched from his hand and Steve crashed it back down onto the cradle._

_"In there, now!" Steve stood, rock steady, and pointed into the morning room. He saw Michael come out of his kitchen and assess the situation before retreating the way he'd come. He also saw Daniel consider, albeit briefly, the possibilities of ignoring the man in front of him, and deciding that it was a really bad idea._

_When the two of them entered, Jo was standing up, her arms folded, with a look of surprise on her face._

_"First of all, when I say that it is time to come off the phone, you do as you are told, right?"_

_"Whatever." Daniel looked at his feet, his voice sullen and uncooperative._

_"Second, I will not be called names in my own home. I may have to put up with that sort of thing when I am working, but here, I certainly do not. If you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all."_

_"You can afford a lousy telephone call; I'll bet you are on there for hours on end when everybody is out of the house." Daniel turned on Jo, moving towards her, the anger in his eyes mingling with defiance and Steve moved with him._

_"Yes, I can afford it." Jo's voice was soft, and she was determined to keep it that way. "But that isn't the point. If you need to use the phone you have to ask Steve, Michael or me. If we say no, then you don't use it. There are times when we are expectin' calls, especially Steve, an' we need to keep the line free."_

_"He's got a cell."_

_"So do you, an' we are payin' for your credit. Daniel, we want to have you here, we want you to become part of our family, but you have to want it too."_

_"Yeah, well you have got a funny way of showing it."_

_"What? What do you mean?" Steve was confused now, and this let Daniel gain the upper hand for a split second._

_"If you don't know then I guess there is no point in this talk is there?" And with that Daniel stalked out of the room._

_It was just over an hour later that the three of them sat down at a very cold and frosty dining table. Steve and Jo tried to make conversation and to draw the boy into it, but with no success. Finally, just as the dessert plates were cleared, Steve decided that he'd had enough._

_"Do you want to talk to us? If we are missing the point somewhere, maybe you should explain it."_

_"Yeah, right, like you'd listen."_

_"Of course we'll listen, Daniel, I already told you, we want you to be a part of our family, but if you don't open up, just a little bit there is nothin' we can do to make you feel more at home." Jo moved her chair a little closer to the boy, hoping that it wouldn't scare him off._

_"What's the point? You have already decided that I'm no good."_

_"What? When did we ever say that?" Steve stopped talking, not knowing what to say next._

_"All the kids around here, go to that posh school down the road, me, I have to carry on at the crappy one I went to before. I guess you are too embarrassed to have me study nearer to home."_

_"No, Honey," Jo wasn't sure what reaction it would get but it seemed right to call him that. "Your social worker said you liked that school, an' that you were gettin' on really well. We thought you would want to stay there."_

_"Oh, well, yeah, but now, look at me, I'm stuck inside these walls I get up, go to school, come home and I can't go anywhere and hang with my mates, all I can do is my homework, and you never help me with that, and it was fine when my foster dad worked as a truck driver and the woman was the operator at the launderette. But now, man."_

_Jo looked across at Steve, but her question was addressed to Daniel. "Why does it make a difference that you aren't with them anymore? Daniel, from what we understood you just didn't get on, an' they asked for you to be taken away."_

_"Lady, look around you. You must have rocks in your head …"_

_"Daniel!" Steve's voice cut across the boy as he spoke._

_"Leave it, Steve… Go on." Jo wanted to know what she had done to get such a reaction._

_"Yeah, well, I liked them, they just didn't like me. I didn't ask to be moved, it just happened. And then what do I find, I have to live with a pig, a foster mom who doesn't even work and has a butler, obviously rich but keeps her money way away from me. I don't even have a computer, or a Playstation 2, just a lousy radio, and I have to have that so low I can hardly hear it. Like the neighbours are gonna complain, you can't even see the next house from here." Daniel stood up and the chair fell behind him._

_"Pick that up." Steve had no idea what to say, but he had a feeling that wouldn't really help._

_"Pick it up yourself, **Dad**."_

_"Daniel, please, we're only tryin' to help you an' we did get you a Discman when you arrived." Jo was upset now and she knew that the boy could hear it. "If you want a computer or a Playstation then I'm sure we can work somethin' out. But I have never thrown money about, an' I am not about to start now. Everythin' that you want you will have to earn, just as Steve earns his wages. Daniel if I bought everythin' I wanted I would soon not have that much left in the bank. An' if you would like to invite some of your friends here, then I would be happy to do them dinner, or Michael would."_

_"See, see, do them dinner, Michael would do them dinner! Lady, you just don't get it do you? I can't bring them here, I would be right at the front of the line for everybody to kick down, I am living in a rich world, that you won't share, and I can't get back to my poor one because nobody there wants me any more."_

_"Daniel…" Steve tried to speak but was cut off by the unhappy teenager._

_"Yeah, and you can get bent too!" With that Daniel turned and left the room. A few moments later his bedroom door slammed loudly and then his music blared down the stairs, and Steve, knowing that it wouldn't do any good, but needing to say something, turned to Jo and said _

_"And turn that off."_

The argument had seemed to be a one off, they had all spoken about it the following evening, Daniel had apologised for his language and thanked them for the Discman. Jo wondered whether just being able to air his feelings had been enough for him, maybe he was embarrassed about it all, but that hadn't appeared to be the case when they had talked about the argument. Gradually to everyone's relief he had settled into the routine of the household, and they had begun to all enjoy being together. 

Alex had spent a few evenings with his young friend, and Daniel had told him how he had been delighted to move out of the home, and although they seemed an odd couple he had grudgingly admitted that he'd found that Michael was a pretty cool guy and he enjoyed his company, at least that's how he explained it to Alex. But tonight he hadn't come in his evening meal.

"Jo, have you seen Daniel? Michael wants to serve dinner." Steve called up the stairs to his wife, who was busy once again in the attic. 

"No, Honey, he had an after school club I haven't seen him since this mornin'" Jo had been spending most of her time in the roof of the house. The first suitcase she'd found, the one addressed to her still wasn't open, life had taken over and it had remained in a closet of the main bedroom since the day Jo had found it. But she had decided that tonight they would open it, and see what was inside. Jo also wanted to check on her grandmamma's suite of rooms, and she was hoping that the key would be in the suitcase. She knew that she could have the locks drilled out, but somehow that seemed so wrong to her and she had left the entire upstairs of the east wing locked since she had moved in. Michael didn't have a key, and had no idea where one was, which was a worry. How could it have been locked after her death?

She had been working her way through the enormous amount of things in the top of the house, sorting, cataloguing and throwing things out. Although there were many items she wanted to share with Steve she had decided that until she was finished she would keep it all to herself. Everything had been up there for so long that she'd figured a couple more months or even years wouldn't hurt. But maybe tonight that would change.

With a sigh Jo climbed down the staircase from the attic. If Daniel was needed for dinner then so was she. Five minutes later once she had put a brush through her hair, and washed her hands Jo entered the dining room to find just Steve and Michael in there. "I guess he's not back then. Did you try his cell phone?"

"I did, and it rang in the hallway. What's the point of buying it for him if he keeps leaving it at home? Thank you, Michael." Steve looked at the plate of dinner that had been put in front of him. There was a steaming meat pie with roast potatoes, green beans and carrots. The gravy boat was just in front of him, and once Jo had finished with it he poured liberal amounts of it over his meal.

Jo and Steve had finished their dinner and helped Michael to clear before they heard the door open in the laundry room and knew that Daniel was back. Steve moved out into the hallway so that there was no chance of him slipping upstairs without being seen.

"Hold on a minute, young man, where have you been? You know what time dinner is served in this house." Steve stood; his arms folded, determined not to give an inch.  
  


"Well, gee, 'Dad', I guess I'll have to have the butler heat it up for me then won't I?" Daniel stood, in almost the identical position to Steve, even though he was a good eight inches shorter.

"Daniel! That's enough. If you are gonna take that attitude you can go to your room now, and the next meal will be breakfast. I suggest that you make yourself available for that." Steve pointed to the stairs, and without another word Daniel made his way up them. Even if Steve hadn't been able to see the young man he would have known exactly where he was, as his stomping footsteps echoed through the house.

"Steve, you can't send him to bed without his dinner, let me take something up to him." Jo came and stood next to her husband.

"Jo, don't you dare! He has to realise that we have rules in this house, and if he wants to live here he has to abide by them."

"Yes, he does, but the threat of throwin' him out is cruel. If he was our biological son we couldn't do that, an' it shouldn't be any different just because he isn't. An' the hallway isn't the place to discuss this." Jo could feel her fury rising, and had a feeling that they were about to have their first real row.

"No, it isn't, but it is where we are right now, and I did not threaten to throw him out, but he can't treat us like dirt, Jo, and that has to be realised. But no dinner, ok?"

"Steve, what if he comes down an' apologizes?" Jo looked at him and could see the resolve weaken a little.

"If he comes down of his own volition …" The phone began to ring, cutting through Steve's remark.

"Good evening, Sloan residence … Yes, Madam, if you would hold for a moment."

"Lieutenant, Detective Yeager is on the phone." Michael waited and handed the receiver to Steve and then retired to his kitchen.

"Hi, Rae, what …? Oh great, why didn't they call me … Mmm, ok, I'll meet you there then. Rae, can you get a photographer down there …? Oh right, I need him to wait." Steve put the phone down and turned to his wife. "I have to go out, I have no idea when I'll be back, we have another body part."

"Oh, ok. I guess I'll have to deal with this on my own then." Jo shook her head sadly.

"Jo, we knew this could happen, the social workers told us he would rebel against us, test us to the limits, and you knew that I would, more often than not, be away from home when you had to deal with it. I'm sorry." Steve spoke softly and Jo snuggled into his arms, just for a moment before he left her again. Then she looked up and kissed him on the lips and moved away.

"Off you go then, Lieutenant, I'll see you whenever you come home."

"Bye, Sweetheart, and remember, no dinner unless he decides on his own to aologize." With that Steve grabbed his keys from his pocket, and headed out to his truck.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Although Rae had been working full time as a cop for a while, and she had spent most of the first few weeks getting up to speed on the cases Steve was working, as well as, she had to admit, getting used to not being a full time mom. She had missed her children much more than she ever remembered doing in the past, and she'd hoped that it would get better quickly, but now after over six months she still felt the odd pang.

Steve pulled into the gas station that Rae had directed him to, parked his truck and dipped under the tape. He could see Rae standing outside the door to the men's room, a slightly green tinge to her face, as she waited for her partner.

"So what do we have?"

"A partner who got to look in the men's toilet and a small package with a note addressed to you on it."

"Oh great, is Amanda here?" Steve saw Rae nod. "It was getting a little crowded in there, so I figured I'd hang around outside for you. The … ah … photographer has finished, but he's waiting for you."

"Thanks." Steve put his head round the door to see Amanda, and then moved across to where a young man was standing, his camera slung round his neck. Rae stayed back, she had nothing against the photographer, but unless she absolutely had to, she no longer talked to them.

"Lieutenant Sloan? I have all the pictures I can get of … that thing. Why did you want me to stay?"

"Because I want you to take pictures of anybody who is watching. And every time that we get another part and you are called in I need you to do the same. Take pictures of any onlookers." Steve looked round as he spoke, there weren't a lot of people around, but there were four or five watching what was going on.

"Ok, want me to look obvious, or not so obvious?"

"Not so obvious would be good." Steve turned and walked back over to Rae, just as Amanda came out of the small rest room.

"Hi, Steve, sorry I didn't acknowledge you before."

"S'alright, Amanda, and hello to you too. So, what do you have?" Steve couldn't see any large containers ready to go to the lab.

"Well, we know that one of our victims has grey eyes, or one grey eye." Amanda held up a small round pot and inside it they could see an eyeball.

"Oh, this gets worse and worse. Amanda, he must have some knowledge of anatomy to be able to do this mustn't he?" Steve found that he couldn't look away from the container, and had to make a conscious effort not to rub his eyes.

"I would say so, but you can get information on anything off the internet these days, Steve, so it doesn't follow as much as it would have done even five or ten years ago."

"What about the note, Amanda, was there any prints on it?" Rae looked hopefully at her friend, but could tell what her answer was going to be before she spoke.

"I can't tell, not yet. Steve, nothing's been done to it yet so you can't take it out of the bag." Amanda handed it over to him, and watched as he began to read.

_Stevie,_

_Long time no see, and one of my poor house guests can't see either! Oh what a laugh I had, it kept rolling away from me as I tried to put it in the container. I haven't quite decided what to do with the other three._

_Well, I have to earn a crust, so there may be a delay before you hear from me again. Mmm, hear, I wonder what you will get next! I still have a few smaller parts to send you._

_Till then, my friend_

_S. Todd._

"Oh, great, I guess I'm gonna get another ear next. Steve resisted the urge to say anything more, and handed the note back to Amanda without another sound. Rae looked over at him, and the concern was evident in her voice.

"Are you ok, Steve?"

"Yeah, I've had a rough evening with Daniel, and now ... I don't understand why he has picked on me like this." Steve found himself running his hands through his hair as he stood there, and suddenly he kicked a stone at his feet. "Dammit, Rae, why me?"

"Because you're a high profile cop, Steve, like it or not. You get the big cases and you get results. You already know what bit he's gonna send you next."

"Yeah, well you're the 'most famous detective in LA' remember, why couldn't he have picked on you?"

"I have been picked on quite enough, thank you. And besides I wasn't there was I?" Rae had stuck her tongue out as he mentioned the famous detective, and then had smiled. "Come on, partner; let's check the scene and then I'll buy you a coffee on the way back, ok?"

"Yeah, thanks, Rae." The two detectives made their way towards the men's room door, and then Rae turned.

"Amanda, is there any way you can tell if that's a male or female eyeball?"

"Oh go on, ask me a hard question instead…? I don't know, Rae, but I'll look into it… Oh, sorry." Amanda smiled as she realised what she had said, "You can tell by DNA, which I can take from the eye, but just by looking at it, no, I doubt it. Sorry." With that she began getting all her things together ready to leave.

The men's room was empty now, and Steve and Rae stood in the doorway looking at the counter next to the basins where the pot had been discovered.

"Who found it, Rae?" Steve realised that he hadn't really asked anything about what had happened.

"It was a guy buying petrol, he came in to use the facilities, and there it was, watching him from the counter… What, what did I say?" Rae wondered why Steve was smiling at her.

"Sometimes, just now and then, you let a word slip, and I remember that you are still British. It's gas, Rae, not petrol."

"I guess I do, you know when I went home for John's wedding, I realised that I don't speak like I used to any more. My two sets of children will sound completely different." With a shake of her head Rae looked again at the counter, and then underneath it. "There's nothing here, Steve, we're wasting our time, and I don't know about you, but I'd like to get this written up and then head for home. We can carry this on in the morning."

The previous six months, while not being solely taken up with the body parts case, had seen it taking roughly second place to their most current cases. The only new female part had been a foot which had been found in a dumpster two streets away from the station by a distraught student who had accidentally thrown her retainer out with her napkin when she stopped at the deli on the corner for a snack on the way to class. Three weeks after that the lower leg of the male had been found on a park bench in North Hollywood Park. Their killer, it seemed, was working close to home, or their home at the precinct.

There had been a break of almost two months after that, and both Rae and Steve had secretly hoped that the body parts would just disappear and they could forget about it for a while. Then there had been three parts in as many weeks, all male; the other lower leg and the first ear. The other part, a lower arm had arrived a little the worse for wear after it had been discovered somewhere by an overexcited Collie and both Rae and Steve had a feeling that a bone from the butchers would never have the same appeal again. In all cases the letters had arrived either just before or at the same time as the next part was discovered. This time though the note had been with the eye, they needed to remember that.

It hadn't taken them long to write their reports, and it was only just after twelve when Steve pulled up outside his home.  He made his way in through the laundry room, and it reminded him of the argument he'd had with Daniel before he left. Wondering whether the boy had apologised or not, Steve headed into the kitchen, knowing that there would be a snack waiting there for him.

He picked up the tray and went into the dining room. When he sat down he lifted the metal lid that protected his food and to his surprise found two peanut butter sandwiches, three chocolate chip cookies and as he already knew a glass of milk. With a smile Steve began to eat, and found, once again, that Michael had guessed right. _Not guessed, the man never guesses, he knows._ The food was just as he remembered eating it as a kid, and Steve found that he was relaxing more with each mouthful.

After finishing his snack Steve put the plate in the sink, the tray back where it belonged, and, because he hadn't finished it yet, he took the glass up the stairs with him. The light was on and shining underneath the door to his room, and so he opened it and went in. Jo was sitting up in bed, with a roll of paper towel beside her and the waste basket just over to her left, all over the floor were little paper balls, and in the basket were even more.

"Jo, Honey, are you all right?" Steve wasn't sure what she was doing, or why, but he could see the fury in her eyes.

"Yes, no … yes, no I'm not, but there is no point in talkin' to you about it, you'll just take her side, an' we'll argue."

"What? Take whose side, Jo, what are you talking about?" Steve sat on the edge of the bed and took his shoes off. Normally he removed them downstairs, but tonight he had forgotten. As he stood up and padded across the room he found himself standing on and kicking at the small balls of white that seemed to be multiplying by the minute. 

"I'm talkin' about her. Little Miss Prissy Knickers … David called."

"Oh, ow, Jo!" Realisation dawned on Steve, and at the same time he was struck by a piece of paper.

"Yeah well, she almost caused us to have a row before we got married, an' I don't plan on lettin' her do it after as well."

"So, what did David say?" Steve hoped that he was coming up. He liked his new brother-in-law, and looked forward to getting to know him better.

"He said that he has business in Los Angeles next week, an' so he an' Little Miss Prissy Knickers are gonna come together. As we aren't gettin' married this time, they would like to stay here." Another ball flew across the room, hit one of the closets and ricocheted into the basket.

"Jo, she's a lovely girl, I have no idea why you have such a downer on her, but maybe if she's staying here then you will get the chance to see her as she really is." Steve headed off towards the shower room as he spoke.

"Yeah, or maybe you will." Jo thought for a moment. If she was here under her roof, then perhaps Steve would get a chance to see what a prize bitch the woman really was.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was just after nine the following morning when Steve arrived at the station, he saw Tom parked in Rae's normal parking space and smiled. The parking lot had somehow seemed incomplete without her funny little car, but now, except occasionally, like today, he never even though about it. Steve smiled at Alison as he walked past her desk and up the stairs, and then he headed into the squad room. Cheryl was there, he knew that she had pulled a set of nights, and would be finishing soon, and across the room Ben Chapman and Kim Yip were both on the phone. There was activity going on all around him, and for a moment Steve stood and contemplated it all. The room had had a decimated feel to it after Sandra Breth had killed two of its officers, and for a while Steve had wondered whether they would ever recover, but they had. Cheryl was back, so was Rae, George had been given community service and disappeared from sight, and Martin would be back in two days time. With a sigh Steve sat down. He hoped that those men who had died would never be forgotten, but he knew that life had to go on, and in this room, to protect the living and avenge the dead, it was doing just that.

After Steve had got himself a coffee he realised that although Tom was in the parking lot, Rae wasn't in the squad room. He was just about to go and ask Cheryl if she knew where she was when Steve saw her in the Captain's office, and he could tell that it wasn't a friendly meeting. Knowing that he would hear about it all before too long, Steve pulled the phone towards him and put a call through to Amanda.

Rae came out of the Captain's office and walked over to her desk. She kept her eyes down, not wanting to speak or acknowledge anyone. For just over a quarter of an hour she sat there, looking at a blank piece of paper, and then, still without a word, she got up and stalked out of the room. Steve watched her go, and decided that unless he wanted to work alone for the entire shift he had better go and see if she was alright. He saw her go down the stairs, and then round into the part of the precinct that housed the interview rooms and he followed her. When she entered the first empty room Steve watched her sit down and then he tapped lightly on the glass, and without waiting for her to say anything opened the door, closed it behind him, and sat down on the chair next to her.

"Rae, what's the matter?" Steve was shocked to find tears in Rae's eyes, and as he looked at her one escaped and ran down her cheek.

"Nothing, Steve, just leave me alone." Rae tried to get up and move away but Steve put his hand on her arm.

"Oh, no, you don't. Something has upset you, something the Captain said, Rae tell me, let me help."

For a minute Rae just sat there, and Steve watched her quietly as she got herself under control, and then to his relief she turned to him and began to speak. "You remember when that … that weasel Crosier was goading me? About the internet site?"

"Yeah, how could I forget, you pulverised the guy." Steve had smiled, but the look on Rae's face wiped it away.

"I got a warning, and I appealed against it, but I just heard I lost. Steve, it's going on my record." The tears started again now, and this time Rae let them fall.

"Oh, Rae, I'm so sorry, but I have to say, it could have been worse, you could have been suspended, or fired."

"I know, the Captain said that he would have suspended me, but … but I was hardly ever here as it was … and if I ever do anything like it again I'll be out." Rae was still crying, and Steve put his arm around her and pulling her towards him he let her cry for a while on his chest. 

"Rae, Honey, I have to say, I don't understand why you are so upset about this." Steve had been suspended a couple of times, and had just taken his punishment, knowing that he had pushed his luck too far.

"Steve, I've been a cop for a long time, and until today there was nothing on my record that wasn't good, and I mean nothing. That was important to me. I was proud of it!  But now, because of Neil Crosier I have a warning on there, for violent conduct. If he comes near me again, I swear I won't hold back."

"Rae, no, he isn't worth it, just let it drop. You are too good at what you do to let him get to you like this." Steve moved away and placed a finger under her chin, raising her face so that she was looking at him. "Come on, Detective, I've got real used to you being with me again, don't let him spoil that."

Rae smiled at him and then gently kissed him on the cheek, "Thank you, Steve, and you're right, let's go look at eyeballs."

"I'm always right; it's just that nobody seems to appreciate it." His partner looked at him in disbelief at his statement, and then to his delight stuck her tongue out. With a smile Steve watched Rae as she got up and walked to the door. Her body language was completely different to when she had come in, and feeling much more positive he followed her out.

Author's Note: A couple of people have asked me not to post every day, and so I have decided to put a new chapter up every other day, so this is it until Tuesday. Thank you so much for the reviews they really do mean a lot.

I also want to thank the members of a group I am in at www.fanfic_med/ I have got a lot of really useful advice from there, and I would recommend any fanfic writer to join it.


	26. Peer Pressure

**Peer Pressure**

The next few days were routine for Steve and Rae, Amanda had checked the DNA from the eyeball, and it was from a male victim. As there was a letter with it both Steve and Rae were completely satisfied that it was from the same person who was now minus an upper and lower arm, a foot, hair, a fingerless hand, an ear, both lower legs and, as Rae called them, 'his bits'.

The letters had been causing Steve concern, so much so that he found them invading his sleep. Jo had woken him up the night he found the eyeball, when he had become restless, and afterwards he had remembered that there had been accusatory letters and personal recriminations coming at him from everybody he knew in his dream, and they were all related to the Todd Case as he called it. He refused to call it the bits and pieces case, however much Rae goaded him into it. The pieces were unpleasant enough; the bits just threw him totally for a loop!

Martin had returned to work and found to his dismay, although not his surprise, that he was no longer working in the hallowed halls of homicide, but in the dank dark regions of vice. Cheryl had watched him empty his desk with a heavy heart, and although she knew that he would be safer where he was going, she also knew that he would probably find it quite hard to deal with at times.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve and Rae had taken the call, just after eight, on a vagrant that had been found dead in a dumpster outside a building site and it was while they were returning to the station, after spending the best part of three hours going through the two other dumpsters which were in the same location, that they began to talk. First of all it had just been inconsequential about things, like why they were the ones who had to work their way through smelly dumpsters for evidence far more often than anyone else in their department, but gradually the conversation turned a little.

"Rae, can I ask you a question?" Steve looked across, they were both in Tom, and Steve's seat was further back than his partner's.

"Mmm, of course, anything, you know that." Rae hadn't turned her eyes from the road, but Steve knew that she was listening intently to him.

"When you were home, the last week or so before you came back to work, when you weren't hurt, were you tempted to give it all up and just be a mom and wife, or did you need to come back?"

This time Rae's eyes did leave the road for a second but then they snapped back. "This is Texas we're talking about isn't it?"

"Yeah, I'm happy with her being home, but when we first met, when I found out, well when I found out how wealthy she is, she said that she tried to live on what she earned not what she actually had. Then Worthington shut his laboratory, and she hasn't worked since, but she hasn't really had time to even consider it, not with everything that has been going on."

"But now she is?" Rae was negotiating her way around a parked truck, and Tom slowed a little as she waited for the traffic to clear in the next lane before speeding back up to move out into the flow of traffic once again.

"We actually had breakfast together this morning, which is a novelty in itself, and she was circling jobs in the employment section." Steve smiled for a moment, it had been nice, just the three of them and Michael, eating breakfast and talking, he wished every day could start that way.

"And you don't want her to?" Steve knew that it was concentration that made Rae's replies short and to the point, not disinterest.

"No, I don't. Is that wrong? My mom was always home, I used to wonder about it when I was Daniel's age, but now, now that I'm in the same position as Dad was, I can see why she did it, and our childhood, Carol's and mine, would have been very different if she had worked, Dad's life too."

"But the decision is, first and foremost, hers. If she stays home because you want her to then she will resent it, and ultimately you too."

"She has more money than she can ever spend, why would she want to work?" Steve ran his hand unconsciously through his hair, trying to understand the woman he loved and what made her tick.

Rae was silent for a moment as if she was making a decision about something. "Steve, although I didn't say anything to anybody, and neither did Jesse, I sued the prison service for what happened to me. They settled out of court, and I don't need to be here either, but that isn't sufficient reason for me to stop working, or to even think about stopping. Steve, it's kinda different, I need my job, I am a cop, I don't ever want to be anything else, not entirely. I want to be Jesse's wife, and Eliana and Anneya's mum, but not at the expense of my career. I don't think that Texas is looking for that, but she may be looking for an identity."

"An identity?" The puzzlement was evident in Steve's voice.

"Yes, an identity, she doesn't want to be just Steve's wife, or Michael's boss, or even Daniel's mum, she wants to be Jo Sloan, secretary, or Jo Sloan admin manager, I don't know, but something that is hers and hers alone. I guess that now Daniel is all settled in she is thinking about it seriously."

Steve hadn't had a chance to answer as the radio crackled into life, spouting forth a location that was only two minutes from where they were. Steve acknowledged that they would attend and the subject was dropped.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The day had taken an extremely distressing turn after that, as both Steve and Rae witnessed a seventeen year old high school student blasted to death by her roommate in front of them. The other girl had then turned the gun on herself, and blown the back of her head off.  It had taken a while to secure the scene, which had been just in front of their dormitory on the campus of The College of Saint Augustus, and then they'd had to go and break the news to two instantly devastated families.

By the time Steve got home, the scenes he'd witnessed were beginning to affect him strongly, and he knew that Rae had been feeling the same way as she had dropped him off at the station before getting back into Tom and driving home to be with her family. He locked his truck and instead of going straight into the house he went through the garage and out into the part of the garden that was directly behind the morning room. It was where Rae and Jesse had held their wedding ceremony, and he also knew that it was Jo's favourite part of the grounds. 

For the first time since he'd been married, Steve didn't want Jo to know that he was home. He wasn't in control of his feelings, and was finding it difficult to switch off. The two girls had been so young, and even though they hadn't been able to see it, they'd had their whole lives ahead of them. He would make sure that he never put any pressure on Daniel to succeed as he got older. With a start, Steve realised that he was already considering that the boy would be with them for the rest of his childhood and hopefully beyond. As Steve stood there looking out over the gardens, his mind wandered back to the meeting he and Jo'd had with the social worker, and Daniel himself before deciding to foster him.

Steve had been quiet and withdrawn on the drive over to the care home where Daniel had been staying, and Jo, after trying unsuccessfully to engage him in conversation, had retreated into silence herself.

The home had been no more than a large house, but not as large as the one the Sloans lived in. They had stood in the hallway hand in hand waiting for Karen Stonely to come and meet with them. She had been of average height, blonde hair pulled severely back, and looked about thirty years old. Steve had watched her walk towards them and wondered what life experiences she could pass on to these children, but then he had realised that this was LA, and life's experiences were intruding every day.

_"Good morning, Mr and Mrs Sloan, I'm pleased to meet you, won't you come through?" Karen Stonely had shown them into a bright and airy office, where they had sat together on an ancient dark brown leather sofa and waited for the young woman to speak._

_"I understand that you are both good friends with Doctor Alex Martin, who himself has been a real good friend to Daniel Upton, and that you are considering fostering this young man."_

_"That's right. We've both known Alex for years, an' he has taken a real interest in Daniel. He can't foster him himself, because of his job, but he knew that we had considered it, an' asked us if we would be interested in helpin'." Steve couldn't actually remember if they had mentioned fostering to Alex, but Jo seemed happy with what she was saying._

_"I understand from the forms you left with my office and the investigations that have been carried out that you don't have any children of your own, and I wondered whether this is a factor in your decision to consider fostering." Miss Stonely wasn't wasting any time getting down to business and Steve decided that he would answer this question._

_"No, we haven't been married that long, but we do plan to have a family of our own. I have experience with teenagers, especially troubled teens, through my work, and certain activities I pursue on my own time." Steve had a feeling he sounded like he was reading from cue cards._

_"Yes, I understand that you are a police lieutenant, that's a very stressful job, looking after these children, who have had traumatic lives so far, is also a very stressful job, do you think you will be able to combine the two?"_

_"I don't know, but I'm willing to give it more than a practice run. We've discussed this, and Jo knows that most of the time it will be her that Daniel has to come to about any worries he may have. Most of the time though, I am there at night, it might be late, but I get home. We also have a very close knit network of friends and family, who will welcome him, Alex is one of them."_

_"I understand that you have ties to the Never Say Die gym, which is a wonderful place." Karen smiled as she spoke._

_"I don't, but Steve does." Jo smiled, and Steve had too, but he had known that if the woman said that she 'understood' once more there was a chance he would scream._

_"Daniel has shown quite a good attitude towards getting his grades up, and his teachers at his last school were very pleased with him, but we would only consider a long term place for him now. He has been moved around a lot, and we wouldn't want that to happen again. He needs security both in his home and educational life." Karen was looking very earnest now as she spoke._

_"Yes, we realise that, an' neither of us are in this just for the fun of it. We have discussed it an' as we said we have a very good backup system, not just for Daniel but for us too."_

_"I'm sure you understand that we have looked into both your backgrounds, and I do need to ask you some questions." Steve had felt Jo grasp his hand tightly. She had been worried about her time spent in a psychiatric institution, and whether it would jeopardise their chances with Daniel, or any child for that matter._

_"Lieutenant Sloan, as I have said, you have a dangerous and stressful job, but there are no problems that we can see which would prevent you from becoming a foster parent. Mrs. Sloan." The social worker had looked at Jo as she spoke, and Steve felt the grip on his hand get even tighter._

_"Yes, Ma'am?"___

_"You have had a lot of medical problems in the past, but everything seems to have been fine for the past few years."_

_"Yes, Ma'am, I don't have any problems like that any more, an' I don't take any medication or anythin' like that."_

_"Mmm, I understand though that you were hospitalized for a long time before you moved to __Los Angeles__."_

_"Yes, but as I said, I don't have any problems like that any more." Steve could tell from Jo's voice that she was getting fed up with this woman, but he also knew that she wouldn't lose her temper; it was way too important._

_"We have also looked into your financial situation, and, um, well, um, obviously there is no problem there." The young woman had become extremely uncomfortable for a moment, it was, as Jo said later, a reaction she was used to, but Steve felt himself cringe inwardly, and was embarrassed momentarily by his wife's wealth. "We do pay a monthly allowance to foster carers to help with the cost of taking a child into their home. This isn't means tested and you will still receive it. Any allowance that you wish to give Daniel, should you be approved, above what is suggested, would have to come out of your own pocket."_

_The interview had carried on in very much the same vein for another hour before Miss Stonely had left the room to go and get Daniel. Jo and Steve had looked at each other, and then without a word had just hugged. They were still sitting close together when the door opened and Karen had returned with the young man who, the last time Steve had seen him, had been holding up a store._

_"Daniel, this is Mr and Mrs Sloan, they are friends of Alex, and they're interested in fostering you."_

_Daniel had held his hand out and both Steve and Jo had shaken it. Then they had sat down and the talking had begun again._

"Steve, Honey, are you all right?" Jo's voice brought Steve back to reality with a start, and he jumped as she spoke. "Hey, Baby, it's all right." Jo could see straight away that her man was in a lot of pain, not physical but emotional pain and she moved closer to him as she spoke, and gently took his hand in hers. 

Suddenly Steve didn't want to be alone, he didn't want to be out in the garden thinking about things that had happened months ago, just to push today's events out of reach, Jo would understand, she always did, and with an almost strangled sigh he turned to her and began to hug her to him, finding release as he did so.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had arrived home to find that Jesse and the girls were all out on the deck. Jesse had finished work at lunchtime, and was starting again at three in the morning. She had changed her clothes, and then, for a while, not knowing she was almost mirroring her partner, Rae stood in the kitchen, not wanting to be noticed or talked to. She had seen a lot of things since she had moved from London, but today had been too horrific to even contemplate. Rae made a cup of herbal tea, and leant back against the counter for a moment trying to gather herself together. She could hear the sounds of her happy family floating in from the yard, and she stood and listened, trying to get a grasp on a gentler reality than the one that was insulting her senses.

Although he didn't know it, it was ten minutes before Rae went out into the garden and let her husband know that she was home.

"Hey, beautiful, did you have a good day?" Jesse looked round at her, love shining in his eyes, and then Eliana and Anneya spotted her too and joined in the greeting.

Rae swallowed hard, and shook her head. "No, not really, but now isn't the time to talk about it. How about you? I guess you've had a nice afternoon at least… Hi, Sweetie, how are you?" Rae crouched down and tickled Anneya's little feet, she was ten months old now and she loved her mother's attention. Rae turned to face her eldest daughter who was playing happily in the sand. "And you, did you have fun with Sally today?" 

"Es… peeze. Yana did rawing." Eliana smiled and Rae despite her day had to laugh.

"I guess she'll get there." Rae picked up a spade, "Can I help you?"

"Es … peeze." Eliana was bouncing now, she didn't get much of a chance any more to play with her mommy and she was getting very excited, but she didn't want to leave the sand.

For the next hour Rae and Jesse played with their daughters, although Anneya, as Eliana had been, was quite content to sit and watch the action, and take occasional swipes at the plastic people strung across her seat. Sand castles were made and demolished. They buried Eliana's feet in the sand, and then pretended they couldn't find them, Rae patted the sand flat and drew circles, and encouraged Eliana to copy her. It was already apparent, much to Rae's disappointment, that her daughter was left handed, and although the shapes the little girl made weren't circles, they were shapes, and they had a wonderful time.

Jesse had crept inside so that Eliana didn't spot he was gone, and had returned with the video camera. The scenes he captured were beautiful, and, he recalled, so much happier than the last time he had used it when Rae had been unable to do any of the things she was doing now.

By the time that the evening meal had been eaten, and both girls had been bathed and put to bed Rae was exhausted, and Jesse was feeling the effects of getting up at two in the morning, so they decided that bed was the best place for them, and they had retired early. Jesse read for a little while until he felt his eyelids begin to get very heavy and he dropped his book to the floor and let his dreams take him over.

Rae had watched him with a smile. There was something very reassuring about watching the man she loved slowly succumb to sleep, and for a while Rae's mind was filled with nothing else, but then she snuggled herself down under the covers, and closed her eyes.

"No! Oh God, NO!" Rae's voice suddenly broke into Jesse's slumbers and he was jolted awake, he saw Rae sitting up beside him, and she seemed to be shaking all over. Slowly he slid his arms around her, not knowing what had happened, but just wanting to help her in any way that he could.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had sat with Jo in the morning room, somehow watching the garden through the glass was more acceptable to his mood now. Slowly he had begun to talk, haltingly at first, and Jo had listened, just as he had known she would.

"We were just in the neighbourhood and we took the call, that's why we were there, and the only other cops were two officers in a black and white, they weren't much older than the … the victims." Steve swallowed down the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm him, and Jo waited quietly for him to continue.

"When we got there the first girl was on her knees outside their room, although we didn't know it was theirs then. I saw her friend raise the gun …" Steve's whole body seemed to shudder for a moment, but he continued speaking. "Rae called out to her, she was the only woman there, and she figured maybe they would listen to her, she said she would help them, that whatever was happening, killing someone wouldn't solve it, but that maybe talking it through would. The girl with the gun looked over at Rae, and she just very sadly shook her head, and then … she … she shot her friend… For a minute, I think we were all just too stunned to do or say anything, and then I saw Rae take her gun out and lay it on the grass. She held her hands out in front of her and began to move closer to the other girl. I could hear her, saying calmly and slowly, 'Let me have that gun too, I'll put it with mine, then we can talk.' But the girl just shook her head again, and before Rae could stop her she … she put the gun in her mouth." Steve stopped. He couldn't say anymore. Couldn't tell Jo that Rae had called out in horror, that her clothes had been covered with blood and brains in the splatter patterns caused by the bullet, or that after she had changed into the clothes she always kept in Tom's trunk, but before they had to go speak with the parents, they had sat in the car, in silence, with Steve's hand resting on top of Rae's, not being able to say or do anything else.

"Why did they do it?" The voice came from the doorway, and Steve and Jo looked up to see Daniel standing there.

"Daniel, Honey, you shouldn't have heard that." Jo got to her feet and moved over to the boy, but he came into the room and sat down next to Steve.

"Do you know why they did it?" 

Steve nodded his head. "Yeah, there were two notes inside the room addressed to their parents, that's how we knew where they lived so quickly. We couldn't separate, so Rae and I did both sets of parents together. Oh, God, Jo, it was just awful."

"An' the letters, did they tell you what had happened, what was so bad that they couldn't see any other way out? That was no cry for help, Steve, they wanted to die." Jo had positioned herself so that she could hold hands with both Steve and Daniel and to her relief the young boy hadn't pulled his away.

"They wanted to train to be … doctors, but their grades weren't good enough. The letters said that they were sorry, but nothing else mattered apart from that, and they had let themselves and everybody else down, but …" Steve swallowed, he could feel tears pricking at the back of his eyes, "but they loved their families and … and were sorry. Oh, God, Jo, they were seventeen years old." This time Steve couldn't contain the tears; one escaped and ran unhindered down his cheek. For an instant Daniel looked on in shock, following its tracks and then he spoke, his voice heavy with emotion.

"And you care, don't you? You really care."

"Of course, I do." Steve rubbed at his eyes with the knuckles of his hand and then looking straight at Daniel, he continued. "We failed those children, those young adults, whatever you want to call them. Life shouldn't just be about what damn grades you get! Whether society considers you are a success or a failure shouldn't be so important that it's worth dying for. I'm a cop, I try to keep people safe, put the bad guy away, but I can't fight that, there is no way I can succeed against parental pressure, society pressure, or peer pressure that strong and it's wrong." Steve stood up, he couldn't talk any more, he stalked from the room, heading down the hallway to where he had turned a room into a mini gym, and Jo knew that for the next hour or so, she wouldn't see him, nor would she interrupt. He needed to beat the living daylights out of something, and it was best that it be his boxing punch bag rather than the next person he arrested.

Daniel watched him go and then he turned to Jo. "You used to be a cop too, didn't you? I was wrong, these things, they do affect you, him, he's not just a pig, I'm sorry." And then following Steve's lead, Daniel stood up and hurried from the room. A couple of minutes later Jo heard his music come on and she flopped back on the sofa. She was sorry that her husband had had to suffer but glad that the events of the day had affected Steve the way they had. If he'd come home and been completely blasé about them, then it would have been time for him to stop being a cop, to admit that he was hardened to the events that surrounded him. Somehow she had a feeling that would never happen and Daniel, well, he had learnt a valuable lesson tonight, she just hoped that he remembered it.

As she went into the kitchen to get a drink, Jo saw the daily paper sitting on the side, and she picked it up. The jobs that she had ringed earlier in the day were staring up at her but she knew that whatever vacancy she had gone for none of them would have been as fulfilling, as necessary, or as rewarding as doing what she was right now. She was a wife and a mom, and that was more than enough for her.


	27. Filling In The Gaps

**Filling In the Gaps**

Rae had remained in Jesse's arms until he had to leave for work. Every time she shut her eyes she saw the young girl on her knees and then, if she kept them shut, the whole dreadful scene played out again in front of her. She'd had flashbacks before, but never about her work, never something that wasn't happening directly to her, and Rae found that each time Jesse moved away from her she began to shake.

Slowly as the time for him to leave got closer she told him what had happened, not leaving anything out, she even showed him the blood stained clothing that was in the laundry basket.

"I want to throw it away, but I can't, not until I find out why those two girls felt they had to do that. Jesse, how do you cope when someone dies like that, for nothing? You must have seen it, must have had to deal with it before. Dammit, I was helpless, I couldn't save them… Jess, how do you cope with not being able to save them?" The shaking had started again then, Rae had stopped talking and for a while Jesse wasn't able to answer as her tears fell, warm and heavy, onto his chest and he held her as close to him as he could, not saying anything, knowing that he was helping just by being there.

Finally when the tears had stopped and Rae had looked up at him, the pain and helplessness still there in her eyes, he had begun to speak.

"I don't think you do cope. You do your job, I do mine, and sometimes we fail, nobody's perfect, Rae, if they were these things wouldn't happen, and we wouldn't be needed. A while back I lost a boy, he was only young, killed by a drunk, I tried for hours to save him, but in the end he was just too badly injured … and I had to let him go. It is hard but that's what you have to do, you have to let these girls go. Honey, I know it's tough but they chose to die, they didn't want your help, if they had then the second student would still be alive, you have to …" The alarm clock cut off his words, and with a sigh that seemed to reach to her very soul Rae moved out of his arms.

"Thank you, Jess, now go, and I hope that you don't have to deal with anything like this today." Rae had turned from him and pulled the covers up over her shoulders. Jesse knew that he should stay, that she needed more than he had been able to give her, but he was working the morning shift and it would be busy, it always was, there was no way he could not go in. 

Rae had listened in silence as her husband got dressed, made himself a coffee and then came back into give her a goodbye kiss. She had taken it without a word, and he had crouched down by the side of the bed.

"Rae, talk to Steve, tell him how you're feeling. He was there, Honey, he'll understand what you're going through better than I can." There was still no reply, but Rae nodded her head, just a little, and Jesse kissed her once more, then he checked on his daughters before heading out into the crisp Los Angeles morning.

By the time Rae had dropped Eliana and Anneya off with Sally and arrived at the station, she was so up tight and anxious that she wasn't even sure why she was there. For the first hour she had just sat at her desk trying to write a report on what had happened the day before, and although all the initial facts were there she couldn't sign it and leave it on the Captain's desk because to her it was incomplete and pointless. She knew that she had no business going back to the parents of the girls, both families had been devastated by what she and Steve had told them the night before, and speaking with them again would only increase their agony, but her agony was large too, and she had no idea how to assuage it. The class- and roommates of the dead girls were being interviewed by the two officers who had taken the original call, it wasn't her case, but she couldn't let it drop.

It was just after nine before Steve entered the squad room, and normally the fact that she had beaten him in would have caused her great delight, but she hardly acknowledged him, and, anxious for her well being, Steve had made her a cup of herbal tea and then moved across towards her desk.

"Rae, are you ok? Jesse called me, he said you were real upset about what happened yesterday." Steve watched his partner, and his heart sank when she looked up at him, he saw the pain in her eyes and his voice became soft. "Oh, Rae, you'd never seen anything like that before had you?"

"No, and I don't ever want to have to see it again. Just leave me alone, Steve, just go… Oh, bloody hell!" Rae had pushed against her partner as she told him to leave, and her hand caught the full cup of hot tea, sending it all over her report. She stood up, letting her chair crash behind her, and turned, almost blindly, away from Steve. The wastebasket was directly in her way and she kicked out at it sending it hurtling into the wall in front of her, the sound of metal against brickwork clanging out across the quiet room. Then with a cry that came from the heart she placed her head in her hands and the shaking of the early morning returned.

Steve had watched her, knowing how much she was hurting, and not sure what to do about it, but when she began to shake, he moved over and placed his hands on either shoulder, hoping to turn her and pull her towards him, but she had jumped in fear and with a gasp run from the room. Steve knew that when she was deeply scared or traumatised his partner ran, normally to her bedroom, a place she felt safe, and he also knew that here, in front of all her colleagues, her collapse would be even harder for her to cope with and so he too rushed from the room hoping to be able to get to her before the demons of the past met with the demons of the present. What he saw made him stop in his tracks.

Rae had got as far as the first corner where she had sunk down onto her haunches and was sobbing, the emotions coming to the surface once again. But it was who was with her that caused Steve the most concern. Crouched down next to her, a consoling hand on her shoulder was Chief Masters, and, as Steve got closer, he could hear his boss talking with her. 

The usually gruff and clipped voice was now soft, low and soothing, and Steve watched the compassionate way his partner was being treated with astonishment.

"Rae, Reagan, let me take you to my office, nothing can harm you there, and we can talk about this, ok?"

Steve paused as he saw Rae nod her head and then the Chief carefully put his arm around her and helped her to her feet. As he did so, he saw Steve standing there and motioned him to join them. 

Steve had stayed two paces behind his superior officer and his partner as they made their way to the comfortable suite of offices that Rae had called home for just over a month before she returned to active duty. The thought flashed through Steve's mind that maybe she should have stayed there a little longer.

When Rae was seated in the easy chair that, although Steve didn't know it, the Chief used when he ate his lunch, a call was put through to the new secretary working in the outer office. "Margaret, I'm not to be disturbed …" There were two entrances to the Chief's private room and, not wanting any more people than were necessary to see Rae in her present condition, she had been brought in through the door that led out into the hallway and then on down to the parking lot.

"Rae, can you talk to me yet?" The voice of the Chief of Police was still soft and full of concern, and Steve, who was even more anxious about his partner than his boss was, knew that she would be treated with compassion.

"I'm sorry, Sir. Steve, I'm sorry." Rae's voice was low, but strong, and Steve who hadn't realised that Rae even knew he was there, smiled at her.

"You have no need to apologise, what we saw yesterday was horrific, but trust me, you will get over it." _You have to Rae, or it's your career that's over, here and now._

"I know, I guess my senses are just on overload. There are so many bad memories stored in my head I couldn't take another one in. I'm sorry."

The Chief handed her the hot drink that he had requested whilst on the phone and then, pulling a chair up so that he was directly in front of her, he began to talk.

"We work in a department that sees terrible things every day, we don't, thank God, normally work in a department where we have to deal with what happened yesterday. Detective, I was a homicide cop for a long time, and I never saw what you just did. I can't begin to imagine how it must have affected you, both of you, and in any other profession than this one, you would have been given a leave of absence to at least give you time to get your emotions in check. We don't have that luxury here, all I can do is suggest that you go back to your therapist, Rae, and talk with him about it. Sloan, I would also suggest that it might be a good idea if you do the same."

Steve nodded, he didn't know that he would see anyone, but he knew that his boss was looking out for him, and he appreciated that.

"Yes, Sir, I think I will." Rae had smiled a small tight smile and taken a drink from her mug. She stood up, a look of embarrassment on her face. "You have been very kind, but I have a report to write up, and a job to do."

"Detective, sit down." The Chief's voice was back to the tone they usually expected to hear from him, and without another word Rae did as she was told.

"You are not superwoman, and your partner doesn't wear his shorts over his pants. The two of you are each as bad as the other…"

Steve standing the other side of the room shook his head, he couldn't believe he was a part of this conversation, but Rae seemed fine with it. Realising that the Chief was still talking he began to concentrate one more.

"… If you had come in today and there had been no reaction from either of you, I would have been extremely concerned. Reagan, you have been through so much since you emigrated that I can't even begin to think about it all; Sloan, your life hasn't been that much easier. I want the both of you on desk duty today, you take no new cases, you don't take calls for anybody else, and believe me, I will be checking. Now, the two of you may go."

Steve, who had spoken only once since they entered the office, moved across to the door and waited for Rae to catch him up. She smiled at the tall, officious looking man seated at the desk in front of her, and then without another sound turned and left the room.

When Rae and Steve got back to the squad room it was just as they had left it, except that Rae's desk had been cleaned off, the tea covered report was in her, now slightly dented, waste basket, and someone had printed her out another copy. There were actually no phones ringing or noisy conversations going on and so Rae looked at her desk and then turned to face her colleagues. "Thank you, and I'm sorry." She moved across to where Steve was standing. "Steve, I know how much you hate desk duty, even if it is just for a day."

"Yeah, but to tell the truth the Chief is right, and we could do with some time looking at our case load." Rae smiled at her partner, the relief that she felt helping her to relax a little.

The rest of the morning was uneventful, Rae put the report into her pending file, knowing that she wasn't ready yet to finish it, and then she and Steve went over all of the Todd case files trying to see if there was any indication in any of the other notes of what body part he had planned to leave next. That seemed to be a dead end, and so they went back to the dates and locations that their murderer had used, hoping that they would be able to glean something from that.

At lunchtime Rae had put a call through to Jesse, just to hear his voice, and relax for a few minutes and she knew that Steve had done the same with Texas. It was about half past one before Rae's phone rang and, with a sigh, she had answered it. "Detective Yeager… oh, hi, Alison … oh, right, I thought the uniformed guys were doing that … it's not a problem, if she wants us then she'll get us … no, no, I don't think that's a good idea, let me have a word with a colleague of mine, I'll get back to you." Rae turned to Steve, "There's a student downstairs, she was a friend of the two girls …" Rae's voice tailed off for a moment. "I wondered whether we would be able to use Jan's suite."

Jan Burlington was a detective in the domestic violence unit, and she had been a great help to Rae when she was being stalked. They didn't see very much of each other, but liked and admired one another.

It didn't take long to establish that Jan was up to her eyes in paperwork and had no interviews arranged so the room was free, so Rae went down and got the young girl from the reception area and took her along to what was known as the blue room.

Steve was already there, and the girl, who Rae had found out was called Petra, seemed upset when she saw him.

"This is my partner, his name is Steve, we were both there yesterday and, if you don't mind, I think he would like to hear what you have to say as well."

The young woman nodded her head and sat down on the comfy sofa. It was pale blue corduroy and just the right firmness so that any visitors didn't feel either too relaxed or uptight while they spoke. In fact the whole room had been decorated so that it instilled a confidence in its occupants that might otherwise have been very hard to find.

"I … I wanted to come and see you, not the cops who were interviewing everybody else. I saw them … die … yesterday, so did you but you seemed to care." Petra was looking at Rae as she spoke, and Steve wondered what it was about the young people he came into contact with that made them think that cops didn't care.

"Do you know why they did what they did?" Rae was sitting, as the Chief had been, in a chair opposite the girl she was speaking with, and she had taken her hand into her own. Petra couldn't answer, and already her eyes were bright with tears. She nodded her head, and Steve saw her take a firmer grasp of his partner's hand. "Take it slowly, ok? We have no need to rush." Steve was extremely glad that he had a female partner; he knew that he wouldn't be able to do what Rae, or Cheryl before her, was doing, or not as well.

"I tried to stop them, but I didn't really think that they would go through with it. Marla was so terrified of getting found out, and, and she said that if they killed themselves nobody would know what they had done, because the principal wouldn't let on to bereaved parents."

Steve and Rae looked at each other, and waited. They had no idea what Petra was trying to say, or if it was actually true, but knew that if they pushed her she may clam up altogether.

"They were about to be expelled."

"Why?" It was Steve who spoke, hoping that his single word wouldn't frighten her off, but she looked up at him and carried on.

"They had been partying for a while, I guess the school should have stopped them, but it didn't, their grades were really bad, and the school had said that they would get in touch with their parents about it. So Marla and Simone decided to have one last fling before getting to work on their studies…" Petra's voice was quiet, but determined now, and they could tell that she was keeping a tight hold on her emotions.

"And something happened didn't it?" Steve seemed to have taken over the questioning, Rae was quietly murmuring, trying to keep the confidence of their young visitor high enough for her to continue.

"They both got really drunk, and, well, you can get kicked out for that alone, and if you get kicked out you get a zero, and your course fees are lost. It's a good high school but it's private and it costs a lot. They also broke the curfew, but worse than that, Marla was caught with a boy in her room."

"I'm guessing that the school tried to contact their parents straight away the other night?" Rae looked up; her voice was soft and full of concern.

"Yeah, but both of them came from medical backgrounds, no one was there, and so they were gonna wait until they could try to speak with them at home the next day."

"I have never been expelled from school, but I have to say that I don't think it would have made me do what they did. Why take such a final way out?" Steve's voice was also lower and softer than normal.

"Because Marla said that their families would just be so devastated by what they had done, they wouldn't be able to get into college or medical school and that their dads would never forgive them. I didn't think that they would do it, but … oh, God, Marla, she shot Simone, she killed her and then … then she killed herself, I saw you, you tried to help, but she wouldn't listen! Why wouldn't she listen?" The tears that had been threatening to fall from the moment the girl had arrived at the station now began to tumble down her cheeks and as Rae opened her arms Petra fell into them.

"Shhh, there was nothing you could have done, or I could have done. They had decided the way that it was gonna end, and nobody was going to stand in their way." Rae realised as she spoke, that what she was saying was as much for her own benefit as that of the young woman now in her arms. "Petra, do you know whether a lot of students feel under so much pressure that life has become unbearable?"

"No, no, I don't think so, and they never would have done if they had handled their time better. I go out, Friday and Saturday nights, but the rest of the week is for study or hanging out only. I have plenty of time for fun, now is for making my way towards the courses I want to take. I guess they couldn't deal with the freedom they suddenly had, no parents about to keep an eye on them, no nuns to make sure they didn't stray from the straight and narrow, the temptation was just too great." Petra had herself under control again now, but the two detectives could tell that she was still working through what had happened.

"Nuns?" Rae was beginning to see a little bit of light.

"Yeah, they'd been to a Catholic School before this one, together, they had been together since kindergarten. I guess that in the end they did everything together didn't they?"

"Do you get on well with your parents?" Rae spoke quietly, hoping for a positive answer.

"My dad died when I was only two, but yeah, my mom's great." 

"Petra, you need to go see a councillor and get in touch with your mom, maybe go home for a couple of days, you need to tell them what you've told us, and they'll help you come to terms with what happened. What we saw was terrible, and you will see it when you shut your eyes, it'll visit you in your dreams, but trust me when I say that it will, in the end, get better, and the memories will become just that, memories that are stored away where they can no longer hurt you." Rae was smiling as she finished speaking because she realised that she believed every word she had said herself, and she was relieved when the young girl smiled in return.

"I will, and … and thank you for letting me talk on, I just knew that you would understand." 

Rae let go of the girl, stood up and moved back towards where her partner was standing. Petra smiled and then without another word she opened the door and began to walk back down the hall the way she had come up about an hour before.

Rae and Steve sat down on the sofa and let their thoughts go over what they had seen and what Petra had said.

"How can you ever be so desperate that you would do that? Would Jesse have felt that his life wasn't worth living if he couldn't have been a doctor? Or you or me if we couldn't be cops? I can't understand it, Steve, I'm trying, but I just can't." For a moment Rae was silent, Jesse had tried to kill himself when he had thought that she had died, but for a job, she couldn't see that.

"Rae, I think that you should be relieved that you can't understand. It's a part of your psyche that you've never had to visit, me either, we should be thankful for that."

"Yeah, I guess so. Come on, let's see what we can put into the reports from this to try and close off our part in this whole thing." Rae had got to her feet and taking Steve by the hand she pulled him up too. For a moment pain crossed her face, but she didn't let it stop her.

"Ok? That looked like it hurt." Steve was concerned for her, when she had said earlier that her mind couldn't take one more problem he had known just what she meant. Mentally and physically she had been pushed to the limit.

"Yeah, it did, but nothing like it used to. I'll liv…" Rae stopped what she was going to say, the pain was replaced with horror and she closed her eyes for a second before continuing. "I'm sorry, Steve, for this morning, for a lot of things, I hope you know that."

"I do, but there is no need for you to be. Now, come on, I'll make you a drink, and you can type this up."

"Oh, thank you so much! I should never have owned up to being able to use a computer." The smile that flitted across her lips was one of relief as well as pleasure, and the two friends and partners made sure that the room was as they had found it and then returned to their desks, knowing that in three or four hours they would be finished for two days.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve and Rae both had the weekend off, and although Rae had nothing planned except to be a mommy to her little girls, Steve knew that he and Jo had a weekend of work ahead of them. 

The suitcase that Jo had found in the attic had finally been opened and had contained letters and photographs of both her paternal grandmamma as well as her parents. Some of them were old and faded, but others had brought memories rushing into her mind as Jo remembered being a small child and spending time with her mamma and papa.

Also in the suitcase was a letter to Jo from her Grandmamma, and it had explained some things and confused others.

_My darling child,_

_I have no idea how long after I have died you are reading this, it may be a couple of weeks or a couple of decades, but I know that one day you will find this and begin another part of your life. If it is a very long time since I passed on then don't feel bad. If I had wanted you to find this easily I would have told Michael all about it._

_The east wing of this house was locked upon my death, and, in the bottom of the envelope that contained this letter, you will find the key. Michael knew nothing of this; Gilbert Sholte closed that part of the house and placed the suitcase in the attic._

_I know that you won't have broken in, and so I am hoping that not too many years have passed, or you will be standing in dust up to your elbows. _

_The east wing is now yours. If you are married then it belongs to you and your husband. No children are to live in it, or visit it unless invited by you. These rules have been in place since the house was built, you will continue to abide by them._

_I hope that Michael is still with you, if he isn't then you must get him back. He has a legacy that it is important he claims. You will find details of it one day, and when you do you must pass it straight on to him._

_Josephine, child, remember your momma and papa, they loved you so much, as I do, or did, I guess. Make sure that their picture is always on the wall, never let their memory go._

_I left you this house and others in my will, you know that, but I leave you more, much more than that, I hope you will discover and know what to do with it all._

_I love you,_

_Florence__ G. Walters_

Jo had read and re-read the letter, and was no more aware of what it was now, than when she found it. She had shown it to Michael, but he had no idea what it meant either.

"Madam, your grandmother was a very secretive woman, who liked to create a mystery if she could, I knew very little of what she did or thought. The household has become much more relaxed since you, and then the Lieutenant have been living here."

Jo had smiled and turned away. She thought that at times her house was a stuffy and dull place, but she guessed that Michael didn't agree. 

When Steve arrived home Michael told him that Jo was up in the bedroom working on details for the Charity Ball she was running the following weekend. 

Steve couldn't remember the last time he'd had two weekends off in a row. But next week was the Josephine Sloan Masked Fundraising Ball, and Jo had been organising it for it seemed like forever, but was really just about a month. She had booked the ballroom just after they had returned from their honeymoon, as well as the caterer, a jazz band and all the staff they would need. Things had then remained dormant until two months ago when the invitations had been sent out and then three weeks ago she had started up again in earnest. The acceptance level was high, apparently Jo was a very successful ball organiser and hostess, and the fact that she had an event on the social calendar again was the talk of the town. Before Jo had met Steve she arranged and attended up to ten balls a year some in LA, and the rest in Texas. In fact although they had never run into each other she'd always gone to the Benefactors Ball, and was there the year that Steve took a flying tackle at a cater waiter who had committed murder to stand a chance of being the chosen caterer. The conversation had been short, but it had been apparent that both of them were stunned.

_"That was you? You were the guy who became airborne an' went soarin' through the air just two tables away from where I was sittin'! Well, I'll be a… You aren't plannin' on doin' that at my event now, are you?"_

_"No, Ma'am, not unless you are planning on hiring a couple of murderers to serve your hors d'oeuvres!"_

Rae had been helping Jo with the ball whenever she could, and they had been having great fun. Since Alex had decided that Rae was fit to return to work she hadn't had as much time to spend on it, but they had enjoyed it so much that it had already been arranged that they would do it again next year.

The main fund raiser was going to be an auction, not just of items but promises too, and it was this that Jo and Rae had spent the most time organising. When Steve entered the bedroom Jo was on the phone, and he could tell that it was still the auction that was getting her undivided attention. A booklet explaining how the event would work had been sent out to every person invited to the ball, as well as to all the companies that anyone could think of in the general Los Angeles area. There were some very good items waiting to go under the hammer, as well as a few not so good ones, also some weird ones and there had been some that'd had to be turned down. A chiropractor had donated an hour's traction therapy, and, having heard about the ball on the grapevine, a local madam had called to offer her services, for a night, for free. Jo hoped that she had managed to put her off without offending her too much and had declined Steve's tongue-in-cheek offer to go and make sure she was fine about it!

"Yes, I realise that, Sir, an' we are very grateful for your offer. I'm just not sure how to describe it… Oh, ok, if that's how it was done the last time you did anythin' like this then I'll go with that… Yes, Sir, I will definitely see you there… An' thank you we really appreciate your donation… Goodbye now." Jo put the phone down with a little sigh and then caught sight of Steve in the dressing table mirror. "Hey, you, did you have a better day?"

"Yeah, sort of. Let me tell you about it later. I'm gonna take a shower, and then you can show me what you have gotten on your list today."

"Well, that was Donald McDouglas, he's head of one of the stunt agencies in Hollywood. He has donated a week's trainin' to be a stunt man or woman, an' if they are good at it they have the chance to get into a TV show an' be hurled about! I needed to get back to him because I have no idea what section to put it in."

The auction booklet, which wouldn't go to the printers until two days before the event, had been split into sections, showing all the various items on offer. 

"And what part did he suggest?"

"Relaxation!" Jo laughed. "I know how I like to spend my down time, an' trust me, Honey, that ain't it!"

"Well, I guess that we could carry on with that this weekend, and leave the east wing until another time." Steve was trying his hardest, but he knew it wasn't working.

"Oh, no, you don't. We are movin' in to that wing this weekend, David an' Little Miss Prissy Knickers are comin' on Tuesday an' I want to be in a completely different part of the house from them." Jo's eyes had grown hard as she mentioned David's girlfriend, Debbie.

Steve just looked at her and then went into the bathroom. Even the mention of Debbie's name was enough to change his wife's mood, and there was no way he wanted to spend his weekend off with her charging around the place with a black cloud hanging over her head.

Jo went back to her list, making a note here and there, sending e-mails out to those she needed to get in contact with, and occasionally crossing a name out all together. She had just got to Barbeque Bob's 'Free Food on Friday' offer when there was a knock at the door. "Come in."

Daniel's head appeared round the doorframe. "Did I hear Steve come in?"

"You did, but he's in the shower right now. Can I help you with somethin'; do you have a problem with your homework?" Jo had stood up and moved across to the door. Things were getting better, but they were still finding their way, the fourteen-year-old and his foster parents, and she wanted to show she was there to help.

"No, no, I … I just wanted to see how his day went. I'll see him at dinner." With that Daniel was gone, and Jo, a look of shock combined with delight on her face, went into the shower room to tell her husband what had just happened.


	28. Home Sweet Home

**Home Sweet Home**

Jo, Steve, Michael and Daniel stood on the main landing that led to the East Wing. Jo looked at the key in her hand and then turned to Steve. "If we open this an' bats come flyin' out then we go downstairs an' never mention it again, ok?"

"Yeah, ok, but just get on with it." Steve, who had been less than enthusiastic about the whole thing, suddenly found that he wanted to know what was behind the large double mahogany doors.

The key turned easily in the lock and carefully Jo opened both doors. They moved noiselessly back against each wall, and the previously hidden upstairs section of the house was revealed.

"Wow!" It was Daniel who spoke, but the one word expressed what all of them were feeling.

"Michael you are the only one of us who knew what it was gonna look like, is it as you remember?" Jo turned to her butler, and could see from his face that the memories were surging forwards.

"Oh, yes, Madam, just as I remember it, well, without the dust that is." Michael's voice left no doubt that had he been able to enter this part of the house earlier there would be clean and shining surfaces rather than the thick layer that coated everything.

The hallway was long and wide, there was another set of matching double doors directly in front of them, but there were also two other rooms on either side of the deep mahogany floored walkway.

Slowly, hand in hand, Steve and Jo moved across the threshold and then they turned. "Michael, do you want to show us what we have here?" Jo smiled she knew how fond he had been of her grandmamma, and she wanted to include him in this moment.

"Thank you, Madam, if you would kindly follow me." Michael moved in front of them, and they began to do as he asked, but suddenly Steve realised that Daniel was still standing on the main landing.

"Daniel, you are included in this, this is your home too."

The boy smiled a broad grin and caught his foster parents up. "I read the letter, the old lady said no kids, I figured she would have though of me as a kid."

"Yeah, well, we don't, you are that strange age when you are neither child nor adult, just be glad that this time you get to be treated as the adult not the child." Steve's smile was as broad as Daniel's. He had a feeling that Daniel was trying very hard to fit in, and if he wanted to do that, it must be a good sign.

"This first door was Madam's office. It has views over the terrace and the land beyond, which used to be all green, but is now houses on the horizon." The tone of Michael's voice showed how much he regretted the populated area beyond their gardens.

The room was dusty and had a damp smell to it, which was very apparent as they entered. Jo moved over and lifted the corner of the white sheet which they could then see was covering the seating. Steve pulled the heavy floor to ceiling curtains back and the sun streamed in, catching on the dust particles they had stirred up by their visit. Jo could see herself sitting at the kidney shaped desk, which she uncovered next, writing letters, and organising events like her charity ball. There was an ornate mahogany coffee table in front of the couch which was gold coloured, like most of the soft furnishing that her grandmamma had purchased during her lifetime. "I guess I would need a computer table, but I like it, I like it very much.

"What's this?" Daniel pointed at a length of thin leather cord which was curled up in a glass dish on the desk.

Jo picked it up and hanging at the end of it was a key. Lying in the dish there was a piece of paper and Jo blew the thin layer of dust off it and began to read.

Jo, one day you will find the lock that this fits, use the contents wisely, Grandmamma.

Wiping her eyes with her sleeve Jo wished that she could read these notes without finding herself ready to cry. She saw Michael move a little at her shoulder and she put the key and the note in her pocket and smiled at him.

"Across the way is Sir's office." The three of them turned, and Jo took one final look before replacing the sheets and drawing the curtains. Then, as she closed the door behind her, she decided she would keep it as it was, just the addition of current technology and it would become her private domain.

The room that was opened up before them next was completely different in style and content. It was dark panelled and once everything was uncovered they could see that the furniture was also of the same type of mahogany. It was obviously a man's room, and there was a huge desk, with an impressive seat behind it, there was no sofa but a pair of large brown leather chairs with a footstool in front of each of them, all under the same type of white sheet. A bar was brought into view as Michael moved a book on the shelf.

"A secret catch, oh, wow, Steve, this is just so cool!" Daniel was almost beside himself, suddenly he was a child again, and with eyes as large as saucers he moved over to where Michael was standing. "Hey, M, show me again, do it again." Daniel had called the butler Mickey, Mike and, the first couple of weeks, even 'hey you.' But they had, between them, agreed on 'M'. The decision being taken that if the Fresh Prince could call the butler G then Daniel would use Michael's initial too.

With a smile Michael pushed the book back into its space and slowly the bar disappeared again. This time it was Steve who was grinning. "Can you imagine Jesse when he sees that? He will have a blast."

"What's that for? I had one in mine too." Jo looked at a door just in from the window. 

"They lead you to the office bathrooms, Madam."

"Oh." Jo couldn't think of anything else to say. Her grandparents obviously liked to keep all the comforts close at hand.

"If you would follow me, Sir, Madam, Master Daniel." Michael left the room, and Steve looked at Daniel, wondering how the boy would react to being called Master, but to his surprise he was still looking delighted at everything that was going on around him.

"These two rooms are the same." Michael opened the door on what was obviously the male side of the hallway. "They were for clothes that were not in season." Inside the door was a room completely railed and shelved on both sides and along the back. There was a small window which was covered by a heavy blind, and a light came on as soon as the door was opened, as did a fan and certain shelves were also illuminated by under-shelf lighting. 

"I don't have enough clothes to fill a closet, let alone one of these… It would have made a great nursery though." Steve looked around the room. If he was honest, he was concerned about not having children in this wing. How were you supposed to care for a newly born baby if it wasn't allowed in this part of the house?

"If you don't mind me interfering Sir, Madam always had a nanny, which is why children weren't allowed in here. Unless you are planning to do the same, I think that the rule would have to be forgotten about."

"Oh, thank goodness for that, Michael, you have put my mind at ease." Jo had obviously been feeling the same way and the relief in her voice was enormous. "I think, Honey, that you're right, one of these would be wonderful, an' the other could stay as a closet, unless you want to move into this bit, Daniel?"

"No, I think it's great and all, but … but, I like my room." Daniel turned away, a little embarrassed. He hadn't said anything about his room apart from 'thanks' since he had been living there.

"Come on, Michael," Jo began to speak, hoping to spare her son the embarrassment he was feeling. "Open these doors; let's see the main bedroom … Oh, my goodness." Jo stopped talking, and the four of them just stood in stunned silence.

The room was almost entirely gold. The floors were still the same deep mahogany, and the windows were white, but that was where any variation seemed to stop. There was a huge bed, which had a canopy only over the head of it. Gold brocade curtains, covered over in dark plastic, fell in deep pleats over struts in the wall and down to the floor, leaving an ornate, and once again, gilt headboard.

The bed had a huge circular deep pile carpet underneath it, and although there were no covers on the mattress it was clear from the drapes and other furnishings that it would have been covered in gold.

The ceiling had gold ornate paintwork on raised plasterwork all across it and although beautiful was dusty and slightly tatty.

"She sure did like her gold, didn't she? Thank heavens it didn't say we couldn't change any of this, I haven't been anywhere as pretentious as this since I was in Paris an' visited the Palace of Versailles."

"I will arrange for all the curtains and linens to be professionally cleaned, but now, if Madam would permit me to leave, I will continue with the dinner. It will be a little late this evening, I trust that is acceptable?" Michael nodded to Daniel as he spoke and the young man, clearly understanding what he was expected to do, and having none of it, stood his ground.

"Michael, that's fine, but we can get take out if you prefer, just this once." Jo knew that the offer would be turned down, but she still had to make it. The look of scandal on Michael's face was wonderful to behold.

"Unless you do not wish me to cook, the meal is prepared and will only be a half hour. Master Daniel can start on his homework during that time."

"Ok, we'll see you down stairs in thirty minutes then." Jo turned her face a little to cover her smile, and Steve had to do the same as they listened to Michael and Daniel depart, the one in typical silence, while the other made his feelings felt all along the hallway.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had spent a pleasant Friday evening with her daughters and Jesse. He had to be in bed just after nine as he was due into Community General by three the following morning, but they had managed to get an hour alone after Eliana and Anneya had gone to sleep.

"What are you planning to do for the rest of the evening?" Jesse had Rae snuggled up in his arms and they were sat together in the corner of the sofa.

"I have no idea. I might have a nice bath, and then I have a pile of magazines that I haven't looked through yet. I might even just snuggle up on Tony's chair with the throw and low lights and watch a soppy movie." Rae leant over and switched on the lamp beside her, which made a fizzing noise and went out. "On the other hand, I may watch it in the dark." She smiled, but as they heard Anneya begin to cry they both groaned.

Their youngest daughter was a bad sleeper, sometimes it seemed that she didn't actually do more than doze the entire night. With a sigh, Rae stood up and headed towards the nursery as the crying turned into a wail. 

"She never disturbs her sister, does she?" Jesse looked into Eliana's crib at the child, fast asleep and totally oblivious to what was going on around her. "Honey, I have to go to bed, I'm real sorry, I'll make it up to you when these shifts finish, ok?"

"Mmm, you'd better." Rae's voice was a little muffled as she leant in towards her youngest daughter and picked her up. She rooted around in the bedding until she found Anneya's pacifier and popped it into the sobbing child's mouth. She knew that Anneya preferred her thumb, but sometimes it worked.

Jesse came over and kissed two of the most precious people in his life, his daughter softly and tenderly on her cheek, and his wife he left with a sensuous kiss that rendered her speechless. "That's on account, ok?" Then, with a smile, Jesse headed towards the spare bedroom, which was where he sometimes slept when he had to get up in the middle of the night so he didn't disturb anyone.

In the end, Rae had given up on the bath, the movie, and the magazines. Anneya had got so distressed that Rae had taken her into the master bedroom, and curled up on the bed with her, hoping that she would drift of to sleep with her mom's warmth to help her.

She heard her little girl begin to cough and Rae sleepily opened her eyes. Peering up at the ceiling Rae could see that it was just coming up to four in the morning. She coughed herself, and then feeling very sleepy closed her eyes again and drifted back off.

The next thing she was aware of was someone in the room with her shaking and calling her.

"Can you hear me? Mrs Travis?" The voice was muffled and seemed a long way away, but Rae knew she had heard her name. She tried to react but everything was dreamy and smoky and she couldn't think or speak. She felt herself being lifted up and she tried to call her daughter. "Anneya…"

"It's ok, Ma'am, we have her, we have your daughter. Your neighbour told us that your name is Mrs Travis and you live here with your husband and daughter, where is your husband?"

"W … working." As she felt herself being taken out into the hallway of her house Rae became aware of the smell of fire and thick smoke and an intense burning heat. Instantly she began to cough, unable to take in any clean air. Somewhere she could hear Anneya coughing too, and, as Rae struggled to breath, she knew she had to say something, had to tell the person carrying her he was wrong, but everything became hazy and then black.

Rae felt a mask over her face, and struggled to remove it. She knew she was on a gurney, she had been on way too many of them recently. Hands began to loosen and remove her clothing, and as a light was shone into her eyes, Rae tried to move back from it.

"Ma'am, you have to keep still, or I can't treat you. Please, don't take the mask off you need the oxygen." A female voice travelled through the fog in Rae's brain and gradually reached her.

"No … no …" Rae tried to swallow down a cough, which only made it worse and for a minute was unable to do anything but try to get herself under control again. Her breathing was still ragged and she needed the mask before she began to talk again. "My daughter, I have to get to my little girl." Rae started to struggle, the panic rising inside her and she tried to raise herself off the trolley.

"I can see her; she is being put into an ambulance now."

"NO! No, Eliana …" Rae was overtaken by a paroxysm of coughing, and for a minute was again unable to speak. "I have to get Eliana."

Rae pulled off the mask and pushed herself up off the gurney, and with the strength and determination that only a mother would understand, she moved through the darkness to where a fire-fighter was playing his hose over her house. "You have to go back, my little girl is still inside, she has asthma, please … save my little girl."

"Ma'am, your daughter is safe…"

"I… HAVE TWO… CHILDREN!" Rae finally managed to get enough air into her lungs to get her message across, before collapsing to her knees on the path. The water playing on the house fell across her back, and the thicker smoke closer to the centre of the blaze burnt her throat. The man in front of her spoke into his walkie talkie, requesting another fireman to accompany him into the burning building and she felt someone help her back onto the gurney.

Life seemed to stop for Rae, once she was lying back down, and the mask was put on her face and for a time she did nothing, but then Rae began to panic again as she realised that Anneya was now also nowhere to be seen, but the medic leant over and began to speak to her.

"Your daughter has been taken to Community General Hospital, which is where you will be in just a little while."

Rae just nodded, her eyes fixed on the doorway to her home. She felt the gurney being moved away from the house and her panic rose. "No … not yet, I must know, please, not yet." She started to cough again, hoping that it wouldn't mean she couldn't stay.

Her arm was grasped by the medic, "I will do this here then, but five minutes and you have to go, ok?" Rae nodded and turned her eyes for a moment to see an IV being inserted.

The fire was still burning strongly inside the building, and, as Rae concentrated her gaze on it, she could see that there was no way that they would be able to live in it again. As this thought struck her, the kitchen window exploded outwards as cries went up and she suddenly saw one of the fire fighters as he came out of the house, and rushed towards the medics waiting next to the ambulance.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse was treating a lady who had a fish bone stuck in her throat when he heard his name being called, along with Alex, over the speaker system. He looked round for a nurse and smiled. "Could you see if there is someone who can come and take over for me, please?"

"Yes, Doctor." The nurse left the room, and Jesse, trying very hard not to imagine the worst case scenario as to why both he and Alex were needed elsewhere, went back to his task of removing something that had been in his patient's throat since eight o'clock the previous night.

After a couple of minutes, there was a light tap on the door and Wil Collins looked in. "Doctor Travis, I've come to relieve you."

"Thank you. I have no idea how long I'll be, but this is Mrs Conway." Two minutes later Jesse was out in the main hallway of the ER with Alex, who had no idea why he had been called either. The nurse on duty moved over towards them and placing a hand on Jesse's arm indicated that he should sit down.

Jesse's heart started to beat loudly, and he knew that whatever had happened, it was serious.

"Doctor Travis, the medic on one of the ambulances called ahead. There was a fire at your house tonight, Sir. They're bringing your family in."

"Oh, God." Jesse couldn't think of anything else to say for a moment, but then a thought did occur to him. "Mark, he starts soon, Alex, call Mark, I want him here."

The nurse looked at Alex, "Doctor Martin, I'll do that, you stay here, the ambulances won't be long." As she turned to move away the two doctors heard the unmistakable sound of a gurney being pushed along the hallway towards them. As it turned the corner and was brought to a halt just in front of them, both men had to take a sharp intake of breath. Anneya was lying on the gurney, a mask over her face, and she looked tiny, vulnerable, and lost.

The medic next to Alex began to talk. "This is Anneya Reagan Travis, who is ten months old; she was involved in a house fire and has suffered smoke inhalation." Jesse could see that all of his daughter's nightclothes had been removed, and that thankfully there didn't appear to be any burns.

"Alex, let me take her, you, you see to Rae and Eliana. Nurse, when Doctor Sloan comes please send him in to relieve me." Without waiting for an answer, Jesse pushed his daughter into a waiting trauma suite and the door swung closed behind him.

It was almost ten minutes before the next gurney came down towards the young doctor. Rae was lying on it, her eyes open and full of fear above the mask that was clouding and then clearing in time with her obviously laboured breathing. As Alex moved across towards her, she shook her head. "No, Alex, Eliana, she was inside for a long time, please … see her first." Rae's words turned into coughing, but before Alex could answer the final gurney arrived, and he could see from the activity around it that his services were needed there immediately.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve rolled over in bed and looked at the clock. It was half past nine, and if he didn't want to he didn't have to get up for hours. There was something about having Saturday off that was different to any other day of the week. As he rested his hands behind his head and began to relax again the cell phone on his nightstand began to ring.

"Sloan here… Oh, hi, Jess … What? Are they all right…? Of course, we'll be right over… Yeah, we can get some on our way, Jesse, it's not a problem … bye." Steve turned and placed his hand on his wife's shoulder; he didn't want to tell her what had happened, but he knew that he had to and so very gently he stroked down her arm until she began to stir. "Jo, Sweetheart, you need to wake up."

"Mmm, what? Steve, I thought we were sleepin' in." Jo's voice was husky, and Steve forgot his problems for a moment and leant over and kissed her on the lips. "Mmm, if I go back to sleep will you wake me like that again?" This time Jo's voice was full of the smile that had spread across her face.

"I would love to, but we need to get up, Jesse just called. Rae and the girls are in the hospital."

Jo's eyes were open immediately and she sat up before speaking again. "What, why, what happened?"

"I don't want to upset you, Jo, but there was a fire, at the house overnight. Alex wants to keep Eliana in for a little longer, and Rae and Jesse will stay with her, but Anneya is fine to come home … except she has no home to go to."

For a few minutes Jo sat silently, and Steve knew that the memories of her past were assaulting her thoughts. He put his arm around her and she buried herself into his chest. Finally she looked up and began to speak. "Oh, God, Steve, are they all alright? They must have been so frightened… They all made it, didn't they?" Jo wasn't sure if she wanted to know or not, but the relief when Steve began to nod his head was almost overwhelming. "I can still see it … if I shut my eyes an' remember, I don't think it will ever leave me, but I'm okay about it, it was a long time ago, an' this is now, Anneya can stay here as long as she needs to, an' so can Jesse, Rae an' Eliana, they can stay until they do have a home to go to, an' if Miss Prissy Knickers doesn't like it then tough!" The last few words were said in a loud voice and Steve couldn't let it go.

"Jo, leave it, they aren't coming until the middle of the week. I'll go and tell Michael and Daniel, you get dressed." Steve had been pulling on a pair of jeans and a grey t-shirt as he spoke, and he was half way out of the door before Jo was out of bed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Forty minutes later, they were running into the paediatric intensive care unit, looking round wildly for their friends. "There, over there, that's Rae." It was Jo who saw them first, and quietly, once they realised just where there were, she and Steve walked towards them. "Rae, Honey, are you all right?"

"Texas? Oh, Texas," Rae stopped as a cough shook her frame, "thank you for coming, Steve, I'm so sorry." Rae's voice was husky and her eyes haunted as she stood up and looked at her best friend and her partner, she knew she could count on them whatever the problem, and they had never let her down. Jo opened her arms and Rae hugged her.

"What happened, Rae?" It was Steve who spoke. He knew that they lived in a gated community but there was always, especially in Rae's case, the chance of it being arson.

"I don't know. I took Anneya into my bed …" The friends waited quietly as Rae had to stop talking again and looked at her in concern as the coughing caused her to hold on to the chair next to her. "She was restless, and I hoped that if she lay with me she wouldn't disturb Jesse…" Her husband handed her a glass of water and Rae carefully swallowed some before continuing. "The next thing I knew I was being woken up by someone, I think, and then we were outside." Rae closed her eyes for a moment. The realisation that Eliana had been inside for so long was still very new and frightening to her.

"What about the girls, are they all right?" Jo looked over at Jesse, who had Anneya in his arms. Eliana was lying in a special crib; she had been intubated and looked very pale.

"Anneya was, we think, protected a little by Rae, she was also rescued as soon as the fire-fighters got into the house, so was Rae, but Eliana … they thought that there was only one child in the house and once they had cleared our bedroom they vacated the building… Mr. Gellet who lives next door, he's been away in Brazil for ages; I guess he didn't know we'd had another baby."

"How long was she in there?" Steve's voice was full of emotion as he looked down at his goddaughter. 

"I don't know, but it seemed much longer than we were." Rae's voice already husky and faint cracked as she spoke, and she looked down at her daughter, the little girl who had played sandcastles, and lost her banana, so full of life and enthusiasm, and now she was unable to even breathe unaided. "I have no idea how long it had been burning before the fire service arrived, but it must have been a while, I think we are about ten minutes from the nearest station."

"What do you want us to do?" Jo had seen the tears in her friend's eyes so she put her arms back around her and Rae just held on to her, taking strength from the love she could feel.

"Can you take Anneya home with you? We … well, we want to stay with Eliana, Sally is away next week, because I'll be off until Sunday and she took the chance for a vacation, will you look after her for us? We need … we need to be here."

"Jess, of course. That's no problem, just tell us if there is anythin' that we should be lookin' out for an' we will take her with us as soon as you're ready to let her go."

Jesse took a piece of paper out of his pocket as Rae sat down heavily in the seat next to Eliana's crib. "I wrote this last night when they were all asleep." Rae and Anneya had been put in a normal room together. Neither of them needed any assistance with their breathing although Rae's throat was sore and very tender from the smoke inhalation once she was outside the house as well as from inside and there had been a ventilator available should either of them have needed it. Jesse knew that Rae's habit of sleeping with the door firmly shut had probably saved their lives. The nursery door, however, was always kept ajar, and Eliana had lain there for a long time inhaling smoke. Jesse shut his eyes for a moment. She had trouble with her breathing already; he didn't even want to think about what last night could have done to her lungs.

"The main thing with Anneya is to keep listening to her breathing. If it changes in any way then bring her back. She's all right now; this is how it should be." Jesse, rather reluctantly, handed his baby daughter over to Steve, and then he and Jo stood together looking into the deep blue eyes of the little girl, as she in turn looked up into theirs.

"She sounds fine to me, but when you say changes, what sort of changes?" Steve's eyes never left Anneya's face, but Jesse knew he was listening intently for what he was about to say.

"There are two things; they are called rale and rhonchi. Rale is abnormal sounds that are heard as well as normal breathing, and rhonchi is a whistling or snoring sound, both of them can be heard when you auscultate the chest … sorry listen to the chest."

"An' we should bring her back if that happens, what else?" 

"Just anything that worries you. If she starts to cough, not just a little baby cough, use your judgement, she could have inhaled things that don't show up in the tests she had done last night, or the blood works. You can get new symptoms for up to 36 hours after admittance."

Jo moved over and kissed Jesse gently on the cheek, "An' Eliana, she has this rale an' ronky thing, doesn't she?"

For a moment all Jesse could do was nod. 

"Alex thinks that she may have suffered permanent damage to her lungs this time. She may even need to have oxygen at home for a while." Rae stopped talking for a moment as the reality of the situation hit her once again. "Wherever home may finally be."

"Ok, what we are gonna do is this." Jo had crouched down to make eye contact with Rae. "Anneya will come home with us now. You stay here with Eliana an' at eight o'clock tonight, one of us will come back an' take over for you so that you can both get some sleep."

"No, Texas, that isn't necessary, we can both get some rest, I'll stay with Eliana during the day while Jesse catches up on his sleep, and then we can swap… Besides," Rae smiled a proper smile for the first time that day, "You will both need to be at home. Night time isn't Anneya's favourite time of day!"

"But we can take her into bed with us, yes?" Steve looked at Jesse and saw him nod.

"Yeah, you may have no other choice, but once she's asleep put her back in her crib … babies can suffocate in bed with sleeping adults."

Both Steve and Jo looked horrified for a moment and then they both nodded vigorously.

Once that was settled, Jesse signed his daughter's release forms, they dressed the little girl in the new clothes that Jo and Steve had bought from the first shopping mall they had come to on their way over, and they got ready to take their leave.

"Rae, I figured that you might not have anything to wear an' so I got you this." Jo handed over a bag which Rae emptied out onto her lap. There was a dark blue pair of, what she would have called, jogging bottoms, a t-shirt in a paler blue, and then a zip up jacket that matched the pants. Jo had also put in a wash bag and clean underwear.

"Thank you, Texas, and you're right, I don't have anything to wear, they take your clothes off you straight away after you are rescued so that it doesn't stick to you and burn. I have no idea what happened to any of it except my underwear and that smells like a bonfire. These are a set of Jesse's scrubs!" Rae's voice was quiet and low, it seemed to aggravate her throat less if she spoke that way.

Jo moved a little further in and swallowed hard before speaking. "Honey, I know what happens in a fire; I remember it all too vividly. If you need to talk about this, you know where I am, any time, day or night, ok?"

"Texas, I am so sorry, I hadn't even thought, I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sure Amanda can have Anneya if you would rather not."

"Rae, it was a long time ago, I'm fine. You just look after this little one, an' our home is your home for as long as you need it ok?"

Rae had just nodded, angry with herself for not remembering that Texas had lost both her parents in a house fire when she was five, but deeply touched by what her friend had just said. Some terrible things had happened to her since she had arrived in Los Angeles, but through it all one thing had sustained her, and that was the love and support of the friends and family she had made.


	29. Can't Get Ahead

**Can't Get Ahead**

The letters that Steve had been receiving in the Todd case had been discussed at a meeting between him, Captain Newman and the Chief. It had been decided that, in an effort to flush the killer out, an announcement would be added to the next police statement in the paper saying that he had been assigned to other cases.  It had also been decided however, that he and Rae had the most in-depth knowledge of the case and would carry on working it.

The article brought a result almost immediately. The Captain had sent out a report about the North Hollywood homicide division, and its recent successes, mentioning specifically Steve's part in the arrest of Sandra Breth who had been responsible for twelve deaths including two of his close colleagues. Then, almost as an afterthought, it went on to say how he had recently been pulled from another case involving a dismembered body, as the department began to get back to normal again.

The article was still in Steve's in tray ready to be filed away when he received a letter from his tormentor. Once Steve had carefully placed it in an evidence bag he began to read.

_Steve,_

_Well, this is not good; I have all these body parts and no one to send them to. I would suggest that you talk with your captain, otherwise you may find parts from other bodies turning up, not just those of that whore and her lover._

_I guess you are still waiting to hear from me with the next piece to the puzzle. All in good time my friend, all in good time. If I don't hear that you are back on the case, then I might have to find someone else to cut up, maybe you had better keep a close eye on your friends._

_Ooh, that was strong, do I mean it? Who knows? Are you brave enough to call my bluff? I don't think so._

_S. Todd_

It was the first letter that had arrived without a body part, and Steve was very worried about the threats it contained. He had quite a large circle of friends these days, as well as a family of his own, but there was no way that he could capitulate and return to the case, at least officially, he had, after all, never actually been replaced.

Rae walked into the squad room and saw her partner sitting deep in thought. "Hey, Steve, are you all right?"

"Rae, I should be asking you that, how are you feeling?" Steve watched as she sat down at her desk and then turned to him. 

"Fine, less concerned than I was about Eliana, and Jesse and Texas are with her all day, she'll be ok, and so will I." Alex had discharged Eliana that morning into her daddy's care and Rae knew that once again the fact that her husband was a doctor had meant their family was back together far sooner than normal. The little girl now had medicine that she had to take every day whether she sounded wheezy or not and, for a while at least, she would be required to take it morning and night. There was also oxygen at Jo's house, but they were all hoping she wouldn't need it. Rae had got permission to only work a half day so that she could make sure her daughter was settled in and happy before she left her on the Tuesday. Steve had worked the Monday, mainly on some of the departmental duties he had to undertake for the Captain, and he'd had to testify in the afternoon. Rae had spent the entire day at the hospital, and she had been able to see her daughter gradually improve enough that Alex knew Jesse would be fine with her at home

"What about your house?" Steve sounded concerned, he knew his dad felt it was only bricks and mortar, but he couldn't feel that way himself. If anything happened to either the beach house, or now, the home he shared with Jo, he would be devastated. Even though they had been together for a short while since the fire and that morning at breakfast Steve hadn't asked many questions, not wanting to upset her, but he could see that she was calm and back to normal now.

"We're going to go over there when I finish work, but I already know that we can't live in it without it being almost rebuilt, and … well, I don't think I want to live there any more." Rae sighed and then she seemed to pull herself together. "Right, I have to get a cup of tea, but then we can get down to it."

Twenty minutes later they were both standing in the Captain's office, and he was checking the letter that Steve had received, or at least a copy of it. The original, which once again had been clean of any identifying marks or fingerprints, was now stored carefully away. 

"Well, Sloan, obviously we can't be seen to give into this type of pressure, but you need to watch your back and make sure that those around you are careful too. Detective," The Captain turned his attention to Rae, "As you seem to attract trouble like a magnet; I would suggest that you be on your guard too."

"Yes, Sir." Rae just nodded, she knew that Captain Newman was troubled by the regularity with which her private life seemed to intrude into her professional one, and she was determined not to let it happen any more.

"Ok, you were both on desk duty at the end of the week, but now things are back to normal and I suggest you get back out there."

The two officers left the room without a word, and returned to their desks. Rae hadn't been sitting down more than a couple of minutes when her phone began to ring. "Detective Yeager… Ok, where was it found…? Yeah, we're on it." She put the handset down and looked over at her partner. "Body found in North Hollywood Park, female, gunshot wound apparently."

Steve was on his feet and holstering his gun before Rae had finished speaking and they headed out of the room. 

"Did you have any other information?" Steve pulled out into Burbank Boulevard as he spoke, the traffic light and unlikely to hinder their short journey. 

"No, someone reported hearing gunshots; a unit responded and found a body on the corner of Tujunga and Magnolia." The journey took a little over ten minutes, and Steve pulled into a space three cars down from where they could see a black and white parked.

The two officers who had responded to the call were easily spotted behind the yellow police tape, as was the familiar figure of Doctor Amanda Bentley as she crouched over her work. She turned as she heard footsteps and a smile appeared on her face. "Hey, Steve, Rae, how are you?"

"Fine, how are you and Ron?" Rae smiled at her friend, the glow that used to only be apparent when Ron Wagner was in town seemed to be a permanent fixture since he had relocated to LA.

"Oh, we're good, we're good." Amanda smiled too, but then began to talk about the victim and clicked back into professional mode immediately. "Ok, we have a Caucasian female, about five one or two I would imagine. She was shot, almost at point blank range, in the side of the head. I can already see powder residue around the entry wound, so I know that the perpetrator was real close and the exit wound isn't pretty."

"So, she could have known her killer. I don't know that you could get close enough to someone to leave powder burns with a gun in your hand unless you knew them." Rae was thinking out loud, but Amanda and Steve both nodded.

"How close do you have to be to leave powder burns?" Steve looked at his two friends, he knew Amanda would know, and he guessed that Rae probably had a good idea too. He himself knew roughly, but it was always nice to have it confirmed.

"Pretty near. If the powder burns are about 10 centimetres in diameter then the gun was approximately eighteen inches away from the head." Amanda looked down at the body once again. She would evaluate everything when she got back to Community General, but years of experience had taught her to have a pretty good eye when it came to measuring things, and the circular pattern looked, to her, to be no more than 10 centimetres.

"Do you have the bullet?" Steve looked down at where the splatter pattern of blood and brains had been highlighted on the ground.

"Yeah, one of the uniformed guys found it, I have bagged and tagged it already." Amanda pointed over to where her things were neatly located just behind her. 

"Good, what about time of death?" Steve took a close look at the body for the first time. There was blood under the head, but not a lot of it, which meant that she had died instantly. 

"Not long ago. She's still warm, there's no sign of rigor, so I would say ooh, about a half hour. Rigor can start as early as ten minutes after death, but she's in a humid place here, and that would slow it down some. But, as long as you don't quote me, about thirty minutes … give or take a couple of hours."

"She is so helpful isn't she?" Steve looked across at Rae and rolled his eyes. 

"It's in their contract you know, it says never ever give anything away unless you absolutely have to!"

"Oh, ha ha, I see everything is peachy in homicide land today then. I can let you have a preliminary report in a couple of hours, toxicology will take a little longer, but if she was shot from close range she could have been drugged first. I took a couple of Polaroid's, do you want one, to help you with your investigation, Lieutenant? We, at the coroner's office are always willing to assist our law enforcement officers."

Both Rae and Steve had been making faces as she spoke, but Steve was serious as he began to speak. "That would be great, Amanda, thanks very much. We'll see you later." Steve took one of the photos and then moved over to begin his investigation of the scene and heard Amanda begin to speak again as he did so.

"Rae, I was so sorry to hear about your house, you know that you are welcome to come stay with us if you need to don't you?"

"I do, and thank you. We're staying with Texas and Steve right now, so we're ok for the time being."

"Rae, what about your dress for Saturday? Was it in your house?" Amanda could tell by the look on Rae's face that she hadn't given it a thought.

"Oh my. Jesse'll freak out; I paid a lot of money for that dress. I guess I'll just have to go and buy another one, and claim for the first one on the insurance. Jesse's tux as well, oh great."

"I'm sorry I said anything." Amanda felt guilty as she saw the concern in her friend's eyes.

"No, don't be, thank goodness you did, otherwise we might not have even thought about it until Saturday, and that would have been a disaster."

Amanda watched as the body was moved away and then turned to her friend once more. "I'll be happy to help you in any way I can, if you like you can always borrow one of my dresses. They only ever get worn once, and then sit in the closet for years, so I would be glad to share."

"Thank you, I'll bear it in mind, but I think they might be a bit long on me." Rae thought for a moment, and then returned to the matter at hand. "I guess I had better get on with finding out who killed … Amanda, do we have an identity on her, or a purse or anything?" Rae realised that the most obvious question had been left unasked.

"No. Until I get her back to the lab she's a Jane Doe. She might have something on her to show who she is."

"Like a name in her knickers?" Rae laughed as she said it. 

"What?"

"We had a case in London once; we didn't get as many murders so I guess it stuck in my mind. We had a joke that most people must be called St Michael because that was the name in their underwear." Rae could see that Amanda was a little bemused. "It's the brand name for Marks and Spencer which sell the most popular undies in the UK, well, this girl had nothing with her, like our Jane Doe here. She was a prostitute, her purse had been taken, and she had no ID or anything to show who she was, but there, in pen, on the label of her knickers was a name, Mona Humphreys, I've never forgotten it."

"I'll remember to check."

"Rae, come on, we need to get going." Steve called out from the other side of the group of trees that had contained the body; Rae rolled her eyes, and then walked over to her partner.

"See you, Amanda." The two women smiled at each other and Rae carried on walking. "Sorry, Steve, but I don't get to see her very often, and it's nice to have a chat when we do meet up."

"I know, but I think it's gonna rain, and I would like to be back in the car before it starts."

"Wimp." Rae batted him on the arm. "You don't know what rain is. Besides, the weather forecast only gave a twenty percent chance of rain today, and none at all for the rest of the week."

The two officers who had taken the call came over and told Steve and Rae what they had found, and a half hour later, Steve's car drew away from the park on its way back to the precinct. "Twenty percent chance, huh?" The windshield wipers went back and forth as the sudden squally shower hammered down on the car.

"Well, we're dry in here, so it's not a problem. D'you think our Jane Doe was a prostitute?"

"What makes you say that?" Steve had been thinking about their victim himself.

"It was the way she was dressed. How she looked. She had bleached blonde hair, there wasn't a lot of what she actually had on was there? And her nails were bright red and how she walked in those shoes, well. Now, I know that is a bit of stereotyping, she may have been a lawyer with a thing for showing her butt, but at first glance, I would have said she was on the game."

"I tell you what, I'll start writing this up, you go down to vice and have a word with Martin, see if he can help you." Steve looked across at Rae and saw a look of concern cross her features.

"Ah, I'll type it up if you go to vice. I've already been charged with murder once, I would rather it didn't happen again."

"Neil Crosier?" Steve had a feeling he didn't have to say anything else.

"Yeah, Neil Crosier, the slimeball. If I never see him again it will be too soon."

"You know, I don't remember seeing him lately, but then before he came up to see you that day I didn't see him hardly at all anyway, which suits me just fine. Ok, you have a deal, I'll go see Martin, and you start typing this up."

With that sorted out they drove the rest of the way in companionable silence. Rae missed the rain, and when there was actually a shower or two in Los Angeles she loved to just watch the drops as they ran down the window, and listen to the sound of it as it pit pattered.

Before they could return to the squad room Rae and Steve got called to a hold up in a department store down town. Thinking of their previous diversion to a siege situation they both took a deep breath before heading off in the opposite direction to the precinct.

The circumstances hadn't been anywhere near as volatile as the one at the girls' school, and Steve and Rae had joined about ten other cops as they tried to talk a disgruntled employee out of holding the personnel department at gunpoint. It had taken over four hours, but finally the emergency had ended and the distraught man had been taken off to the station for questioning. 

It was past the end of their shift when they returned to the squad room, and instead of concentrating on the Jane Doe they typed up their part of the siege report, and logged the details on the park murder, then with an agreement to come in together a little earlier in the morning the two of them headed for home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse was waiting for Rae when she arrived at Jo's house in Tom. She had left him parked on the road so that Jesse could get his car out of the driveway the night of the fire, and to her delight he had survived unscathed, although he had been covered in soot.

Jesse moved out into the garden at the front of the house and kissed her as she climbed out. "Hey, how was your day?"

"Short, but busy. How about you? Did you have fun with Eliana and Anneya?" 

"Yeah, and I went into the new part of Jo's house that she is opening up. It is just wonderful… Steve has a bar that comes out of the wall!" Jesse's voice became wistful and Rae kissed him as she heard the slight longing in his voice.

"We will get sorted out, and who knows maybe we could buy our own place." Rae smiled at him.

"I guess we better go and look at the old place first hadn't we?"

"Ok, is Texas all right to have the girls?"

"Well, just come in and see her, say hello and then we'll go." Jesse moved back towards the house.

"I was going to, I didn't plan to leave straight away, I want to see them myself you know." Rae could hear Eliana chattering away and, although a lot of it was only of interest to her alone, more and more of it was gradually making sense. The little girl coughed a few times as she spoke, and her voice was husky. Rae was still very concerned about her, and not just because of the fire, but she kept remembering that not only had her daughter been born too early, but she had survived a few emergencies since then, if it took her a little longer to be able to do things then that was just fine.  There were words that they understood, 'peeze' for please, 'aii' for hi and 'Yana' for Eliana that she said incorrectly all the time, but everybody liked the way she pronounced them, and Rae knew she would miss when her daughter could say them properly.  As they got closer they heard Anneya begin to cry, and with a look of concern on their faces they entered the morning room.

"Eliana, that is naughty, your sister was playin' with that, now you have to give it back." Jo was talking to the little girl, a stern look on her face.

"No!" the elder girl turned away, a soft rattle in her hands. "Mine."

Anneya was sobbing now, and so Jo took the rattle out of her goddaughter's hand moved back over and gave it to the child in the bouncy chair. Her tears stopped immediately, just in time to be replaced by Eliana's. She had looked at Jo as she took the toy, and then watched her give it back to her sister. The final bit was what did it; as soon as Anneya had it in her hand Eliana plonked herself on the mat and howled.

Rae came into the room, moved over to her eldest daughter and sat on the floor beside her. "Hey, hey, come on, it's just a rattle."

"Momma…" Eliana hiccupped the one word out and then flung herself at her mother coughing and crying as she did so. With a smile that showed both Jesse and Jo that she was not fooled for a moment, Rae carefully extricated herself from the little girl's arms.

"Shhh, listen, ok. Stop crying and listen." Rae was then silent, and gradually the tears began to stop, and finally when all that was left were two large ones rolling down her cheeks Rae began to speak again. "That is Anneya's toy. You have lots of toys, you can't take hers." Rae closed her eyes for a moment as she realised that her daughter no longer had lots of toys, and her soft dolly and soggy giraffe were lost forever.

Eliana's chin began to wobble again. She didn't know exactly what her momma was saying but she knew she was in trouble.

Rae moved over to her other little girl and pointed to the cause of the problem. "This is Anneya's." Rae crouched down next to the small toy box that was in the room too, and rummaged around in it until she found another soft rattle. "This is Eliana's. You are lucky that Aunty Jo kept some toys here for you."

The tears had vanished completely now, the little girl stood up and, on chunky legs, she headed straight for her mother again, her hands out for the toy, but Rae held it just out of reach. "What do you say?"

"Peeze."

"No, you have to say sorry first for making Anneya cry."

Eliana looked at her mom, and concentrated "sowee."

Rae crouched back down again and waited. "And now, please."

"Peeze." Eliana was rewarded by finally getting the rattle. "Ta." Then she dropped it on the floor and headed off to play with the other toys in the box.

It took another hour before Rae and Jesse were on their way to the gated community where they had been living since just before they got married. The guard on the gate waved them straight through and they were soon parked outside what was left of their house.

"Oh, Jesse." Rae's voice was full of emotion, but her husband didn't answer, he just sat in speechless horror looking at the shell of their home.

"My God, Rae, you could have all died in there, look at it, there's nothing left!"

Jesse was right; the house was now four blackened walls and a mud patch for a front lawn. The two of them got out of the car and moved up to the front door. Jesse had an appointment with the assessor from the company they rented the house from first thing in the morning, but they had wanted to see it for themselves before that.

"Do you think we can go in?" Rae looked at her husband and was alarmed to see he was very pale and shaky. "Jess, Honey, are you ok?" She felt that way herself, but surprisingly was keeping herself under control.

"Yeah, it's just a shock, when they said there was a fire at the house I thought it was really bad, but then you were all safe and I figured it couldn't be as terrible as I thought, but this, this is just awful."

"Yes it is, but like you said we are all safe, I don't know why the smoke alarm didn't go off, but we were lucky and we were saved." Rae moved closer and put her arms around him. "Sweetheart, let's go back to Texas and Steve, we aren't getting anywhere standing here, this should be treated like we would a crime scene, you can talk with Mr. Caruthers, or whatever his name is, tomorrow."

Jesse just nodded and let himself be led back to the car. Rae guided him round to the passenger seat and then she got in the driver's side and started the engine. "It's a good job we came tonight, I doubt whether the assessor would have given you a hug and driven you home."

Jesse looked at her, his eyes seemed less haunted now that they were on their way back to Beverley Hills, and to her relief he stuck his tongue out at her.

The shock they had both felt when they saw their shell of a home had come out in the form of tears once they had gone to bed. Rae had tried to relax and go to sleep, but she was sure she could smell smoke, and in the end she'd had to go out into the hallway and look round to convince herself that all was well.

Jesse hadn't the actual memories to deal with; just the fact that his family had nearly been lost to him and that was, in many ways, worse. In the past he had been scared for Rae, scared that her job would claim her life and take her from him, but this, this was something that could happen to anyone, and there was no way he could have prevented it. They had smoke detectors, extinguishers in the kitchen and the family room, and still they had almost died.

Rae came back into the room and climbed into bed. Jesse made himself comfortable and opened his arms to her and she snuggled up to him, her face leaning on his shoulder and gradually he felt her tears as they splashed onto his chest.

"Everything has gone, Jess. Everything we worked for, and did, all of it, gone."

"No, Rae, it isn't, everything we worked for is safe in this house, you, Eliana, Anneya, and nothing else matters, not as much as that." He had kissed her gently on the hair then, and felt his own tears threaten him. Although his family was safe he knew what Rae meant, and for a while they cried together for what they had lost.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next morning the two detectives arrived at the station together. Steve left Rae in the squad room and headed down to the Vice department. He had worked there himself for a while, and had been more than delighted to leave. It was a place that hardened your heart to the niceties of life, and he hoped that Martin would emerge unscathed.

"Hey, Steve." Martin saw him right away and stood up to greet his friend. "How are you doing, and what brings you down here?"

"I'm fine, and a Jane Doe brings me down here." Steve looked around. There were four other cops working, and a couple of empty desks. He couldn't see Neil Crosier and was glad. He had a feeling that the man wouldn't have been able to resist further wisecracks and jokes about Rae.

"Oh, right, do you want me to see if we have anybody listed as missing? We pretty much know who is where, when. If you see what I mean."

"Yeah I do, and this is her picture." Steve passed the Polaroid over and then waited.

"Well, I can't say that I know her, but then I haven't been here that long. Hold on a minute. Don, do you recognise her?" Martin moved to the desk closest to his own and dropped the picture on it. The large black man sitting there picked it up and the photo looked like a postage stamp in his huge hand.

"Yeah, that's Wanda. I always knew she'd die on her back… What happened?"

"She was shot, point blank in North Hollywood Park, yesterday." Steve looked at the man, who, he realised, could probably break him in half without thinking, and wondered what would have happened if Rae had come up against him.

"That was her patch; she worked for a pimp called Denny Harris. Sycophantic little weasel, but then that's understandable, he used to know Crosier." Don's voice sounded as it if had to travel all the way up from his boots to his mouth.

"I know him; he's called me a couple of times, worried about 'his girls' now that 'my pal Neil' has gone." Martin's face showed just what he felt about the phone calls he had been receiving.

"Crosier's gone, gone where?" Steve looked around again, and realised that, unless things had changed since he had been down here last, Martin was using his desk.

"Yeah, that's why I was moved here instead of somewhere really nice, like sanitation."

"Serves him right, I told him he'd get caught one day, but would he listen? Would he, hell." Don's face showed just what he thought about Crosier too.

"Sounds like he was loved and revered by all who knew him then." Said Steve, and something clicked inside his mind. "When did he leave?"

"He didn't leave, at least not that any of us knew about, he just didn't turn up one day about a year ago, and nobody has seen him since. Not that any of us cared enough to go see if he was sick or anything. Captain Newman got … someone, I have no idea who, to go check on him, and we asked about, but in the end we just figured he got into more trouble than he could handle and took off running. But I tell you, the amount of birds he was screwing around with; I reckon he's attached to a lump of concrete somewhere."

"You got his address?" Steve didn't really want to know, but he had a feeling that he needed it. "Oh, and one for Wanda … what was her surname?"

"Harris. Wanda Harris… Yeah, she was married to Denny, and she worked for him. I told you he was filth… Here you go. This one is Wanda's; she lived in Bakman Avenue, which is about a block from the park. Wanda didn't like to walk too far in her heels."

"And Crosier?"

"Why do you need that? Don't tell me you're gonna take him some flowers and chicken soup. From what I heard about how he treated your partner I wouldn't think you would miss him." Don had a piece of paper in front of him and he was writing on it. "He lived in Van Nuys, 387 Murietta Avenue. Are you gonna go visit him?"

"Yeah, I think I have to. Should I send him your love?" Steve laughed as he saw the reaction of the two men in front of him, and then he turned and left the room.

Rae was still working on the report when he got back to homicide. He saw her pick up her phone and speak into it. She took down a couple of notes and then, as soon as she had finished her call, she began to write something else down on the pad. Rae had no idea she was being watched and for a few minutes Steve was transported back to when she had first arrived in Los Angeles. His way of working had been alien to her, and she had struggled for a while, only really shining when she was able to do things in the way she was used to. Now, she was happy to work the same way he did, but if she could write page after page of notes about something, she was still far more content.

"Hey, I have a name and address on our Jane Doe." Steve broke her concentration with regret, but he knew they needed to get to the apartment before anybody else did. "You were right she was a prostitute, and, get this; she was married to her pimp."

"Oh, he sounds like a nice guy! Where does … sorry, did she live, near here?" Rae was pulling her jacket on as she spoke, and then she began to put her pad and pencils away.

"No, she lives about a block away from where she was found. Are you ready to go?" Steve could see that Rae was just jotting something else down.

"Yeah, I'm good. Let's do it."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It took them just a little over an hour to find a judge and another ninety minutes to get their search warrants. Once that was done they got back into Steve's car and headed for Bakman Avenue. The journey took a little longer than the day before as there was now the lunch hour traffic to contend with. As they sat in a stationary line of cars Steve turned to Rae.

"Did you have fun with Jo last night?" His wife and his partner had spent about two hours in the new part of the house going through Jo's office.

"Oh, yeah, it's a lovely place isn't it? She has it almost like she wants it. You know I think that Michael was just itching to get his hands on all that dust, but we beat him to it. There is something very therapeutic about cleaning up something that dirty."

"You know she wants us in there before David and Debbie arrive."

"She did say. Steve, I know that you won't want us to do it, but we'll move into a hotel while David is here… No, my mind's made up, Texas doesn't get to see her brother very often, and you don't want the four of us there too. We'll be fine, and Sally will be back at the end of the week for the girls."

"You know there is another solution." Steve eased the car forward about a hundred yards and then they stopped again.

"What?" All Rae could think of was Amanda's offer, and she knew that Steve wouldn't presume to suggest that.

"The house two doors down belongs to Jo. Her tenant just moved out. There is no one living there right now, it's furnished you could just move right in."

"No, Steve, I couldn't live there, it's huge." Rae could picture the house, if she was honest she thought it was beautiful, but she didn't think that it was quite her style. "I liked my little house, I'm not sure that Jesse and I are the right type of people to live in Beverley Hills."

For a few seconds Steve was silent, as a frown deepened the lines on his brow but then it passed and he turned to her. "Ok, I don't think you are trying to insult me, so I'll let that go. There are 'types' of people, but they're just the same as you and me."

"Oh, no, they're not. Steve, forgive me, because this might hurt, but if you hadn't married into money you would be living with your dad in Malibu. If your wife and my best friend wasn't a millionaire you wouldn't be offering me the chance to live in a mansion. The 'type' of people are filthy rich. You and Texas are fine, but I met the lady, who lived in that house, and she was a snob, pure and simple, and I'm not." Rae didn't know why she felt that she had to explain herself, but she did and she knew that she sounded as if she was on the defensive.

Steve was saved from having to reply by the traffic beginning to move again. He indicated to turn off Tajunga Avenue and into Bakman Avenue. As he drew into the kerb he turned to Rae. "Rae, look at it, ok, that's all I ask, go and have a look round, if you still don't want to move in I won't mention it again." Rae smiled and nodded. She checked her weapon and then together they headed towards Wanda Harris's house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Jesse, could you give me a hand a minute?" Jo's voice floated down the stairs, a little muffled and with a smile he stood up and headed towards her. Eliana and Anneya had both fallen asleep at roughly the same time; if he was lucky he had about two hours before they stirred again. Eliana had an alarm under her mattress, just in case her breathing became laboured, and Michael had the baby monitor in the kitchen with him. Jesse was grateful to the butler for helping him ease the load, and now he was able to go when Jo called. He didn't need to ask where his friend was, she spent every moment she could in her new office and bedroom.

Jo was perched on a small ladder and even though Jesse couldn't actually see anything of her but her feet, he guessed she was trying to take the heavy brocade curtains down.

"What exactly do you want me to do? I'm not much good at high jobs. We had all the shelves lowered at home." Jesse was silent as he remembered the site he had seen the night before, and how the assessor that morning had taken one look and declared it uninhabitable. Jesse knew that there was more to it than that one proclamation, but he also knew that they wouldn't be returning to their gated community.

"Jesse, Honey, are you all right?" Jo had extricated herself from the curtains and come down the ladder.

"What, oh yeah, sorry. I was just thinking about the house. Jo, Rae and I talked last night, we'll move into a hotel while your brother is here. You don't get to see him very often, and I'll be back at work next week anyway."

"Oh, no, you don't, I won't hear of it, an' I know Steve won't want that to happen either."

"And Rae said that I wasn't to take no for an answer." Jesse smiled a little ruefully, he didn't really want to go to a hotel, he liked living in this house, it was a way of life he could very easily get used to.

Jo thought for a moment, about what she had planned to mention a little later, and then a smile, which turned into a grin, appeared. "Come with me." She grabbed Jesse by the arm and he had to run to keep up with her. She was laughing and although he had no idea what she was up to he began to laugh with her. 

Jo put her head round the door to the kitchen, "I'm just goin' to Oak Place. I won't be long, ok?"

"Of course, Madam. I will continue to keep my ears open for the two young ladies, Sir."

"Thank you, Michael." Jesse smiled and then as his arm was tugged again he followed Jo out of the house.

They walked down the sidewalk, past a huge mock Tudor house and then Jo turned in at the gate to a large red brick two-storey house with a stone balcony above the front door, and beautiful lead worked windows. She put the key in the door and it swung open at her touch.

"So, what do you think?" Jo looked expectantly at Jesse.

"About what?" Jesse was even more confused now than he had been when he was pulled down the stairs at Jo's house.

"About this house, do you want it?" Jo sounded a little exasperated.

"Want it, this house?" Jesse stood open mouthed and looked at Jo as if she were mad.

"Yes, this house, it's mine, an' it is vacant right now. I was gonna put it on the market, but I would much rather let you an' Rae live in it."

Jesse looked around him. The hallway that they were in had a black and white tiled floor and a huge sweeping staircase that went up to a veranda type landing all around the first level. The stairs had deep red carpet going up the middle of them, and the landing had mahogany balustrades, similar to the colour of the floors in the new part of Jo's house. "There is no way in the world we could afford to live here."

"Jesse." Jo looked at him. "Rent isn't a problem. I would let you have it for nothin', except I know that neither of you would accept it that way, but you will be able to afford to live here, trust me."

That was all Jesse needed to hear, with his heart pounding in excitement he leapt right in. "Ok, then, yes, I would love to have this house, we'll take it."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Harris apartment was in a large, expensive looking block. Steve and Rae got the key from the janitor and headed up to the third floor.  Steve banged on the door, and called out.

"Harris, open up, this is the police." But there was no sound and so Rae carefully unlocked the door and then moved back taking her gun out of its holster as she did so. Still there was no sound and Steve moved his hand over and opened the door. Finally about five minutes after they arrived they entered the apartment.

"Wow." Rae looked around. The downstairs lobby had been light and airy with large sofas and coffee tables for residents to relax by. Through the doors which went out to the back of the apartments they had seen a large outdoor swimming pool. The Harris apartment reflected that airy and comfortable feel; at least it would if someone hadn't trashed the place.

"Ok, I'm gonna get the scene of crime boys down here, I know I don't have to say anything, but don't touch."

"If you don't have to say anything why did you do that?"

"Do what?" Steve had a glint in his eye and Rae stuck her tongue out at him.

She moved towards the bedroom and pushed the door open with her toe. "Steve, in here."

Steve moved across and looked into the room. There was a king sized bed in the middle of the carpet, and draped across it was the body of Denny Harris. His throat had been cut and the linen was completely soaked with blood.

"Ok, I'll call this in, Rae; see if you can spot a murder weapon, but …"

"I know, don't touch anything." Once again Rae stuck her tongue out before heading further into the bedroom, holstering her gun and pulling on gloves as she went. She had a feeling that it was going to be a very long afternoon.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Amanda gave the estimate on time of death at about an hour before Steve and Rae had arrived at the apartment. If they hadn't stopped for the search warrant they might have been able to prevent it.

The body was ferried back to Community General and Steve and Rae promised to head that way first thing the following morning. They climbed back into the car and Rae checked her map. "Ok, it isn't actually very far to Crosier's place. I reckon about fifteen, twenty minutes tops."

Steve drew out into the light traffic on Bakman Avenue, and then headed towards Burbank Boulevard. As he did so Rae turned to him.

"It's not that I'm not grateful, but I just don't think that it's for me, I hope you understand." Rae placed her hand on Steve's arm, just for a moment before carrying on talking. "We will find somewhere, and a hotel won't be a problem, just for a while."

"Oh." Steve was enlightened, and as he joined the Hollywood Freeway and the slightly busier traffic he considered how to reply. "Rae, you said earlier that you didn't want to hurt me, and you didn't, and I feel the same right now, but have you considered Jesse in this?"

"Jesse?" Rae was puzzled and she sounded it.

"Yeah, Jesse. Rae, I've known him a lot longer than you, and sometimes when he has been at our place I've seen the look in his eyes. He would love to live somewhere like the house on offer, you need to think of him too."

"I guess I do … thank you, Steve." The rest of the journey was made in silence, and lasted just over ten minutes. 

Steve parked and then looked at his partner and was relieved when she smiled at him. "Come on then, let's go, I have a husband to go home and speak with." Rae got out of the car, the smile still on her face, but she knew that there would be sparks flying when she did discuss Steve's idea with Jesse, and she was tempted to just not mention it at all.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The search warrant for Crosier's place had been harder to get than the one for the Harris's. All Steve had was a missing detective and a vague idea that he needed to check something out. In the end it was his reputation that saved him. The judge had dealt with Lieutenant Sloan before, and knew him to be an honest and conscientious cop who wouldn't knowingly waste the court's time.

Rae searched around in the front garden in the hope that there was a key hidden, but to no avail.

"He's a cop, Rae, why would he hide a key in his garden?"

"Because he is also a lizard, and a stupid one at that." Rae checked another couple of stones in the gravel and pebble filled walkway. The third one she picked up was different to the others, it felt strange. Rae shook it, and it rattled. With a smile she turned it over and undid a large screw-like shape in the middle of its underside. Then she let the contents fall into her palm. The smile was still firmly in place when Rae unlocked the door with the key that had been hidden in the fake rock. "See, I told you stup… Oh, God." 

The smell of rotting and decaying food hit them straight away, and both detectives covered their mouth and noses with their hand. Crosier's home was a double fronted, ranch style house, and as they walked down the central hallway Steve checked the doors on the left and Rae the ones on the right. 

"Bedroom, bed made, laundry on the floor." Rae's voice was muffled underneath her hand.

"This is the living room; looks lived in, but nothing unusual. Computer in the corner, TV, stereo, video, all the trappings of a normal life."

The bathroom and a dining room were also innocuous, and they moved into the kitchen at the far end of the house, knowing that the smell would get worse as soon as they entered.

Steve, his hands encased in his gloves, pushed open the door, and Rae let out a shriek as a rat ran across the floor and out through a cat flap.

"Sorry, I hate rats… Ugh, look at this." Rae didn't need to say any more. There were flies everywhere, and maggots on what was probably once food. Rae felt her stomach as it rolled. 

"We don't have to stay, I just need to know that he isn't here, and by the look of it he hasn't been here for a very long time."

"Ok." Rae began to absent mindedly open the kitchen cabinets, and check under the sink. As she opened the refrigerator she saw Steve unlock the back door and look out into the back yard.

There were about four cats staring at him as Steve stepped out onto a patio overgrown with weeds creeping through the brickwork. There was a garage over to his left, and a outhouse at the bottom of the garden.  He was just about to turn back to go inside when he heard Rae call out.

"No! Oh, God, no." and the next second she was pushing her way into the yard, and he heard her being very sick beside him.

Steve waited until Rae had calmed down a little and then he gently placed his arm around her and helped her to stand back up. As she looked at him he was surprised to see that his partner had absolutely no colour at all. "Rae, Honey, are you all right?"

"No … Oh, God, Steve." For a moment she closed her eyes, and then he saw her pull herself back into as close to police mode as she could manage.  "You need to see this." Together they moved back into the house, and Rae led the way to the freezer compartment at the top of the fridge. Carefully she pulled the door back open and heard Steve gasp as he too came face to face with the head of Neil Crosier, as it looked out of its icy grave, in a grotesque, one eyed stare.


	30. The Enemy is Among Us

**The Enemy Is Among Us**

Steve and Rae sat in the car until the rest of the personnel needed to secure the scene had arrived. Steve hadn't actually lost his lunch, but he came as close to it as he had in a long time. Neither of them had any positive feelings about the man who, it now appeared, was the male victim in the Todd case, but to see him like that, both of them felt appalled at what he had gone through.

After about a half hour the two detectives had got out of the car and headed back into the house. Amanda was just arriving, and while Rae went inside Steve waited to greet her. He was surprised to see Jesse get out of a car as well, but quite relieved.

"Hey, Jesse, what are you doing here?" 

Jesse locked his car before turning and replying. "Amanda called me."

"Steve, I hope you don't mind, but I figured seeing something like that, when you weren't expecting it … well, I just thought, maybe …" Amanda didn't finish the sentence, suddenly it seemed as if she was saying that they couldn't do their jobs properly.

"No, it's fine. Jesse, Rae's inside, we're ok now, but, well, let's just say it was a bit of a shock."  

The three friends entered the house, and Amanda took one look at the state of the 

kitchen and headed back to her car to get a set of protective overalls. Rae was in the living room, and Jesse headed in there as well. 

"Rae, are you all right?"

Rae, who had no idea that her husband was there, turned and the look of relief on her face told Jesse just how pleased she was to see him. She said nothing, but moved over and into his outstretched arms.

"Shhh, it's ok. Amanda's with him now, she'll remove it, and then we can get on."

"No, I need to go back and look again. How could anyone do that, Jess? I know he was a slimeball, but to cut him up into bits." She shuddered as she spoke, and then Rae gently pushed Jesse away from her and went out of the room and towards the kitchen. "Amanda, is it all right if I come in?" Rae's voice was a little tremulous, but she was determined to see this through.

"Yeah, if you really want to. I haven't moved him yet, but I will in a few minutes." Amanda didn't turn round, but she felt her friend move closer to her.

"He hasn't been in here very long has he? Wouldn't he be … I don't know, more … frosty than he is?"

"Rae, I have to say that I have no idea. It's not something you come across every day. I'm going to take some samples while he is still in situ, so to speak, because as soon as I move him, he's gonna start to defrost." 

The flash of a camera went off, as one of Amanda's colleagues began to take the official photos, and Rae jumped.

"Sorry, Detective."

"That's ok." Once Rae had satisfied herself that she could look at the head without throwing up she moved back into the living room and, with a smile at Jesse, she began a thorough search.

Jesse didn't get much chance to watch his wife working at such close quarters, and so, after checking that it was ok, he sat himself in a chair and observed. 

Rae moved slowly round the room, looking at different things, especially any pictures or photos that she found. Gradually a small pile, which, Jesse guessed, she would be taking with her, began to form on the coffee table just in front of where he was sitting.

The room was sparsely furnished; there was a two-seater sofa, the coffee table, one lounge chair, a sideboard and a computer table. The sideboard had photo albums in it, which Rae took out and began to flick through. Jesse saw her shut one quickly and, leaving them where they were, she crouched back down to carry on looking.

After about another ten minutes, and with a deep sigh that Jesse heard even though she was facing away from him, Rae moved over to the computer and switched it on. The machine whirred quickly into life, and the screen showed one identity square, which Jesse recognised as meaning that Crosier had been running Windows XP. Jesse got to his feet and moved quietly over to where his wife was sitting and placed one hand on either shoulder. He could tell, just by her body language, that something was bothering her, something more than the head in the other room.

"Rae, are you all right?" Jesse's voice showed his concern, and he was worried when he felt her stiffen under his touch.

"Jess, why don't you go and see how Steve is getting on?"

"I'd rather stay with you." Jesse had a feeling that he wasn't going to get any choice in the matter.

"Jesse, just go!" Rae's voice suddenly blazed with anger.

"Ok, ok, I'm going, see, watch me, I'm turning round, I'm heading for the door, I have no idea where I'm going, but I'm going there." Jesse managed to keep his tone light, but he wasn't planning on going anywhere very far.

Rae turned back to the computer screen and clicked the name 'Neil', a password box came up, and she typed in a set of letters she had found in the sideboard. After being told that the personal settings were being loaded Rae waited, knowing what she was going to see, and hoping against hope that she was wrong.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse had found Steve in the bathroom, where he was carefully searching through a basket of dirty laundry that had a smell all its own. "Hey, Jess, did Rae kick you out?" Steve's voice was muffled through a mask, but the smile in it was evident.

"Yeah, but I don't plan to stay away, Steve, come back with me. She's found something, I don't know what, but I know she doesn't like it, and she won't share."

"Look give me a hand with this and then I'll go see her." Steve handed a pair of gloves and a mask to his friend. "Rae just needs a bit of space, Jesse. She found a severed head in the freezer; I'm not surprised she doesn't want to share."

Jesse was sure that there was more to it than that, but he kept quiet and began to search through the laundry. "What exactly are we looking for?"

"I have no idea, but over the years I've found all sorts of things in dirty washing."

"I don't think I want to know that, thank you very much." Jesse had to smile. It had been a long time since he had worked with Steve on a case, and it was good to be doing it again.

It was another five minutes before they finished their unpleasant task and then they headed back towards the living room, but as they entered they both stopped. Amanda was standing next to Rae, and they could see that she was comforting her friend. She looked round and seeing both Jesse and Steve, Amanda put a finger to her lips and then shook her head. The two men stood where they were, and waited.

"Rae, Honey, turn it off." Amanda's voice was soft and low, but it reached to the doorway without any problem.

"No, I have to see it, all of it; I need to know what's on here. How could he do this? Chopping his head off was too good for him. God, I hope he suffered!" Rae's voice was choked with emotion, and as she moved the mouse with her left hand, both Steve and Jesse knew just what she had been looking at.

The picture that filled the screen was of Rae, naked and tied to a bed. It was obvious that she was battered and bruised, and she was being raped by a faceless individual who seemed to tower over her. Jesse couldn't take his eyes away from the image of his wife on the monitor. It was clear that she had been awake and aware of exactly what was happening to her. A hand was pulling at the nipple on one breast, and the other was resting on a scarf around her neck. 

Suddenly he couldn't look anymore, and he began to turn away, but as he did so he saw the picture change, and he willed himself to carry on watching what his wife was watching. The new image was obviously the next in the sequence, and the hand of Levington was now pulling at the scarf, and the terror in Rae's eyes was almost too much to bear. The picture changed again, and this time they could all see that Rae had passed out, and was finally unaware of what the monster was doing to her.

This time Jesse could break away and he turned and found his way blindly out into the front garden of the house. There were two cops searching through the greenery, although it didn't look as if they had been having much luck. One of them smiled as he saw the doctor and straightened up. "Are you all right, Doc? I guess it's a bit gruesome in there, even for you."

"Yeah, you could say that." Jesse paused for a moment and then began to speak again. "When my wife comes out, will you tell her I'll see her tonight?"

"Sure thing, Doc, no problem. Have a nice day."

Jesse didn't say anything else; he just climbed into his car and drove. He had no idea where he was going to go, but he had to get away from that computer and its contents.

As Jesse had moved out into the hallway it seemed to break the spell that they were all under, and Steve moved across to where Rae was sitting. She felt rather than heard him arrive and turned to him.

"Look! Look what he had on his computer! I was his screensaver, his wallpaper, and he had every page of that damn site downloaded!"

"Rae, turn it off, nothing is going to be gained by you looking at this. We'll take it back to the precinct and get the Captain to put it in the evidence locker with the same security code on it as Levington's computer."

"Oh, yeah, let's do that shall we? It's so safe and secure that Crosier was able to go and get all this." Rae's voice rose, and Steve knew that she was struggling to keep her emotions under control.

"No, Rae, you don't know that. It took, what, two days to get that site closed down? He had plenty of time to download this … this stuff."

Rae just nodded and then she carefully closed the computer down so that none of the offensive material was lost. Once it was turned off, Rae seemed to pull herself together a bit and she turned to find her husband. "Steve, where's Jesse?"

"He left; I guess it was a surprise to him … to see what he saw."

"Yeah, well, he hasn't seen the half of it." Rae stood up and moved over to where the photo albums were still sitting on the top of the sideboard. She hesitated for a moment, but then opened one up and handed it to Steve. The photos in it were all taken from the site they had just been on. Pictures of Rae in all states of dress and undress, tied to the bed, spread-eagled so that nothing was left to the imagination. "He was no better than Levington. He was a voyeur of the worst kind, and I'm glad he's dead. I just hope he suffered first." Rae couldn't stay in the house a moment longer, she followed the path that Jesse had taken out into the front garden and then she leant back against the house taking in gulps of the California air into her lungs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It took Jesse just over the hour to get to Malibu. It was a journey that should, according to the satellite navigation system in his car, take about thirty-eight minutes. It had never taken him that short a time to get to the beach.

Jesse parked his car in a public parking lot and, once he had locked it, he wandered onto the sand and began to walk along the shoreline. The images that he had seen flooded his mind, and he struggled unsuccessfully to remove them. He had known what that … that animal had done to Rae, but it was one thing to have her tell him about it, and another altogether to actually see it, as if he had been there.

He understood more now about why the man had such a hold over her and how she had been able to carry on as if nothing had happened when he had been killed right in front of her. Rae had told him, after she was first rescued and was finally allowed home, that when he tried to kiss her if she closed her eyes she didn't see him but her tormentor instead. Again now he was able to understand that more and he hoped he hadn't been unsympathetic in the past because he hadn't realised just how appallingly she had been treated.

Jesse's thoughts took him towards the beach house, and without even meaning to he discovered that he was climbing the steps to the deck, and then knocking on the glass door. It was Alex who answered, a smile on his face, as he saw who it was.

"Hey, Jesse, how are you? I thought you were on vacation this week."

"I am, but I just needed some time to think, and my thoughts led me here."

"That I can understand, there's something about this place that makes you feel, I don't know, able to cope a little better I think."

Jesse smiled; he knew exactly what Alex meant. "Is Mark here?"

"No, Steve just called him; he's gone over to Beverley Hills, something about a break in the Todd case. He asked me too, but I start work in …" Alex checked his watch. "An hour! Jesse, I have to go, will you be all right to lock the place up, or can I give you a lift anywhere?"

Alex had dropped Jesse off back at his car, and then he had driven to Beverley Hills. The journey hadn't been quite as bad as he had thought it would be, and he was relieved to see everybody was still at Steve's when he drew up.

Jo had given him a key, and so Jesse quietly let himself in. He didn't want to break up any discussions that were going on, and he hoped that he would be able to just slip in and things would carry on.

Daniel was sitting in the hallway outside the dining room listening at the door.

"I would guess that you're not supposed to be doing that." Jesse's words made the young man jump about two feet into the air.

"Jeez, Jesse, creep up on a guy why don't you?"

"If I tell them that you're outside here are you gonna get into trouble?"

"Yeah. But I'm a member of this family now, at least that's what I keep being told, and I was adult enough to go into the old lady's part of the house, but today, 'oh no, Daniel, you can't listen to this, you're not old enough.' I'm not a kid anymore." Daniel realised that his voice was getting louder and he dropped it so that no one came out and caught him.

"Come with me into the morning room, just for a minute, ok?"

Daniel nodded reluctantly, but he followed Jesse.

"Now, there are things that they will be talking about, not only gruesome things, which I'm sure you think you can handle, but personal things. They affect Rae, and I know she would be just mortified if she knew you had heard. So, just for now, could you go and do something else, please?"

Jesse was relieved when the young boy nodded again. "You know, if they had explained it like you just did, I would have gone straight away. I, ah, I didn't hear anything about your wife, I like her, and I won't embarrass her." Daniel got up then and headed upstairs. A couple of minutes later his music blared out and Jesse sighed. He guessed that listening to … whoever it was he was listening to, was a small price to pay for Daniel's agreement to go.

Jesse moved back towards the dining room and opened the door. In front of him around the table were Jo, Steve and Mark. Rae was sitting at the head of the table, away from the evidence that had been set out, because she had Anneya in her arms. Eliana was on the floor playing with the soggy giraffe that had thankfully been left at Jo's for emergencies. They had forgotten all about its existence until bedtime the previous night, and it was now the only one they had left. "Da ddy." The little girl spotted Jesse before anyone else did, and making 'daddy' sound like two words she clambered to her feet and rushed at him.

"Hey, Sweet Pea, how are you?" Jesse swung the little girl into the air and she squealed with delight, suddenly remembering that he was trying not to break anyone's concentration Jesse looked contrite. "Sorry, Guys."

Rae got up from the table and moved over towards her husband, for a moment the three people left at the table saw the Travis family as they kissed and hugged each other, and smiled at the sight. Rae pulled away from her husband and turned to her friends. "We won't be a minute, ok?"

"You take all the time you need, Sweetie, we have plenty to occupy ourselves with." It was Mark who spoke, but both Steve and Jo nodded their agreement.

Jesse found himself back in the morning room, this time with his daughters sitting and laying on the rug; he could see the concern in Rae's eyes and hear it in her voice as she began to speak. "Honey, where did you go? I was so worried about you, I tried your cell, but you didn't answer."

"I must have left it in the car, sorry. I went to the beach; I just had to get away, for a little while, from those pictures. Oh, God, Rae, what that man did to you."

"I know, but it's ok. I've called Lauren, and I'm going to go see her tomorrow, I'll be all right, Jesse. He's gone, he can't hurt me anymore, it's over, and it's been over for a long while. I just have to shut my mind to the possibility that there are other creeps out there like Crosier who downloaded that site before it disappeared."

"Do … do you remember what happened to you? When you look at those pictures does it surprise you, or did you know already?" Jesse wasn't sure that he wanted to hear the answer, but he knew that he needed to.

"Yeah, some of it. I remember him doing what you saw today, pawing at me, and the scarf, always the scarf. I don't know if I would have coped any better if it hadn't been there, but just knowing that he had that control over me, I was beaten every time he came anywhere near me." Rae shuddered then and Jesse took her into his arms.

"No more, we won't talk about it any more, but speak to Lauren, she can help you."

"I know, and she could help you too, you know that don't you? Oh, what a week!" Rae turned from him and ran her hands through her hair. "I didn't think it could get any worse than seeing someone commit suicide right in front of you, but then there was the fire, and now this. Thank goodness we have a party to go to Saturday night. I think I need a little relaxation."

They walked back to the dining room, carrying a daughter each and opened the door on a half finished conversation.

"… I'm just saying that if you write it out as a timeline, like you did before, it may help, that's all." It was Mark who was speaking, and his son was not impressed.

"So, because it worked with Sandra Breth, which it didn't, by the way, it was a red herring, and nothing to do with the actual reason behind the killings, I have to do this every time?" Steve shook his head.

"No, Son, but there are gaps between the discovery of the … parts, they aren't regular, they jump about. Maybe they jump about for a reason, that's all I'm saying."

"Steve, I hate to say it, but I agree, I think it would be a good idea." Rae joined in the conversation, knowing that Steve wouldn't like it.

"Yeah, well you do it then. I've had enough of being a cop for today; I'm going for a run. Jesse, you want to join me?" Steve turned to his friend, who was pulling faces at his eldest daughter and making her laugh.

"Mmm, I guess I could … Ok." Jesse reluctantly handed his daughter to Mark, who began to pull faces himself, but this time Eliana had a much better game to play, and reached for his glasses and pulled.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"You know, I can't remember the last time we did this." Jesse and Steve were running along one of the beautiful roads in Beverley Hills, the street was almost empty and so they were able to keep off the sidewalk and run next to each other.

Steve just nodded he really didn't feel like making conversation of any sort, although if Jesse wanted to talk then he was happy to listen, and so for the next ten minutes or so he listened as his friend talked about all sorts of different things, knowing instinctively to keep away from police work.

Finally, just as they were turning round and heading back towards home; Jesse began to talk about the house he had seen. "I just can't believe it, y'know, it's a wonderful house, and Jo says she'll make sure we can afford it, but then I guess I should have known that." Jesse paused for a minute, as if making his mind up whether or not to say something. "I … well, I've been a bit jealous of you lately, but then maybe I always have been."

Steve stopped in his tracks and looked over at Jesse. "Why?" Their run had taken them into Coldwater Canyon Park and Steve plonked himself down on the grass, before looking up into the eyes of his friend.

"Why? Are you kidding me? Look at you, everything you have and are and you need to ask me why?"

Steve shook his head, "Sit down, Jess." Steve waited until they were both on the grass and then he began to speak again. "I can't believe you just said that, Jesse, and I can't think of any reason why you would be jealous of me."

"I can give you a list if you like." Jesse smiled, but it was true, the amount of things he could think of would make a list, a small one, but a list nonetheless.

"Jesse, I … I don't know what to say." Steve got to his feet, he suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable in the presence of the man he considered to be his best friend.

"Steve, you have a dad who loves you above everything else in the entire world, a beautiful wife who adores you, a house that I can only dream about. You're tall, you put the fear of God into most criminals, and, according to my wife, you are a very handsome man."

If Steve thought he felt uncomfortable just a minute or two before, it was nothing to how he felt now. But then he realised that it was Jesse telling him this, the man to whom he owed his life, who he loved like a brother. If they couldn't talk about this then they weren't the friends he thought they were. "Jesse, I'll agree with you about my dad, and I know how you feel about Dane, but think about it for a moment, I lost my mom, I saw her suffer and then I lost her, she was too young … and so was I. So all Dad had Carol and me, he was very protective of both of us, and I was that way with my sister, but it wasn't enough … all that we did wasn't enough … she still left, she married Bruce." The way Steve said the name would have left no one in doubt how he felt about the man, even though he had been dead for many years. "We got her back, and she was happy but she left us again, and now she's dead. Look at me, Jess, my dad's a doctor, I'm a cop and we couldn't save her." Steve had begun to walk back towards Jesse, but now he paused, the tears so close to the surface that he had to stop everything else so that he could concentrate on holding them in.

"When I met Ellen, I thought I'd found my soul mate, but I was wrong. When she left I thought my life was over. Were you jealous then? Or when Carol died?" Steve watched as Jesse shook his head, but didn't speak.

"The day Rae started things looked up a bit, she was a breath of fresh air, and I know you felt that too. I was happy, for both of you, when you became a couple, but I wasn't jealous, you were just so right for each other … Then I met Jo." Steve stopped talking again. He could see her sitting in the boardroom at Worthington Laboratories, upset but, once she had gotten control of herself, she had been a good witness; although she had brushed him off when he asked her out. A smile played across his lips, she had kept him on his toes from that day to this.

"Jesse, our lives have changed so much since … since Ellen left, but the one constant in my life has been the love and friendship I get from you and Amanda, and Dad's unconditional love. I don't have anything new, apart from Jo and Rae, which I wouldn't give up tomorrow. None of it matters, not like friends and family." 

"I know." Jesse was feeling about two inches high, and wishing that he had never said anything, but he knew that he couldn't take it back and he had to let Steve talk it through.

"Look at you, Jesse, you said look at me, but try looking at yourself. You have a wife who adores you, too. I'm flattered that she thinks I'm …" The embarrassment threatened him again.  " … but she will never look at me the way she looks at you, her world revolves around you, and the two most beautiful children I have even seen. Jesse, I don't have any more than you, I just have different things, I want to be a dad, I may never get the chance, but I want to try. You and I, we're different people to who we were, even two or three years ago, but there has never been a reason for either of us to be jealous of each other." Steve stopped talking, but then a thought occurred to him. "Do you want to rent the house to be like me?"

Jesse thought before he answered, and to Steve's relief he shook his head. "No, if I could be like you I guess I wouldn't have felt jealous. I want to move there because my best friend lives in that street."

Steve leant over and pulled him to his feet. "Of course, you do have one reason to be jealous of me."

"What's that?" Jesse frowned; he thought the conversation was over.

"You've never gotten home in front of me." With that Steve took off, and Jesse, knowing he was beaten before he started, sprinted after him, hoping that just once he might accomplish the impossible.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

After Steve and Jesse had left the house Rae put her youngest daughter into a bouncy chair got some toys for Eliana and crouched down on the floor in front of her. "Sweetie, Mummy has to do some work, you play, ok?"

"K, Mommy." Eliana put her podgy arms around her mom's neck and hugged her. Rae ran her fingers through the soft hair, loving its feel and its curls. Mark, his glasses now safely back on his nose, smiled at the scene, and Jo, a pang of envy trying to escape, wiped her eyes before looking back down at all the information in front of her.

"I guess we'd better get going on this, I get the feeling that Steve wants it done, he just doesn't want to think about it himself." Rae extricated herself from her daughter's arms and watched as the two other people at the table nodded their heads, and then there was a discreet knock at the door.

Michael came in, a tray with coffee and tea on it. "I took the liberty of making you a little light refreshment, and dinner will be in about ninety minutes, Madam."

"Michael, thank you. Could you go an' see if Daniel is all right? Maybe let him watch that music channel he likes so much. It can't be much fun here right now."

"Very good, Madam, Detective Yeager, would you like me to take Miss Eliana out into the kitchen and give her her evening meal?"

"Let her play while she's content, but when she starts getting teasy then I'll call you."

"Teasy, I haven't heard that expression in a long time." Michael smiled, and Rae did the same.

"I don't think I've said it either. My ex-sister in law was Cornish, she used to say it."

Michael left the room, and Rae, once she had poured herself a cup of boiling water and put a tea bag in it, tried to drag her mind back to the matter in hand.

An hour later Eliana was in the kitchen, Anneya was actually asleep, and Rae was standing out in the garden looking over towards the pool. She was finding the conclusion they had come to a little hard to accept.  There had been nothing to link the times of, or between, the discoveries of the body parts and that had been dismissed quite quickly, as had any commonality between the places they had been left in. This had meant that, as far as they were concerned, Steve was the key. He hadn't been to start with, but once they began to look into what he had been doing when parts were found a pattern did start to emerge. It was a little tenuous, but it was definitely a pattern. Rae heard the door to the dining room open and turned to see Jesse and Steve come back into the room. Jesse looked as if he had competed in a triathlon, whereas Steve looked as if he was about to leave for a run, not just come back from one.

"So, did you find a connection?" Steve wasn't even out of breath, and Rae, suddenly feeling a welling up of love and a little pity for her husband, came back into the room, moved over to him and kissed him gently on the lips.

"Mmm, what was that for?"

"Well, to be honest, you looked like you needed it, but I need it too." Rae gave Jesse another kiss and then turned to the other three people in the room. "Mark thinks he has found the link in the bits and pieces case." Rae's voice was tense, and Jesse, realising why she had needed the kiss, moved a little closer to her.

"And you don't agree?" He took her hand in his, glad to be able to do so.

"Oh, I agree, I just wish I didn't."

"Son, we think that you are the link."

"You think I'm the link? I already knew that. He says that in the first letter. He is going to play because I'm on the case. That's why; officially at least, I am off it."

"Ok, let's word this a little differently." Jo stood up and moved round to where her husband was standing. She had a feeling that he would hate what they had to say just as much as Rae did. "We went through everythin' that you have been doin' since the bits an' pieces started to arrive." 

"And?" Steve was beginning to get short tempered. His run hadn't turned out the way he planned and now this wasn't going his way either.

"After the first piece arrived, it slowed down a little, you were workin' on the shootin's an' you weren't bothered by too many body parts."

"That's what gave us the hint." Mark took over as Jo felt Steve's arm go round her.

"The person who is doing this seems to know when you are busy, and when you aren't. You have never had a body part turn up when you weren't around, apart from the one when you were on your honeymoon, and that was planned at the last minute. You didn't know you were going yourself until after the wedding."

Realisation was beginning to dawn on Steve. "You think I know the guy don't you, Dad? Like I knew Crosier?"

"Yes, Son, we think it's exactly like you knew Crosier. We think he's a cop."


	31. Home Is Where The Heart Is

**Home Is Where The Heart Is**

"No! Please, no!" Rae's voice screamed into Jesse's own dream and jolted him awake.

The sleep was gone in an instant, and he turned to see his wife caught in the throes of a nightmare, the like of which, he thought they had seen the last of long before Anneya was born.

"Please … don't …" Rae could see him, the face of the man she thought was dead, but he wasn't, she had a gun in her hand and she had shot him with it, he had fallen to the floor, but another Levington had walked through a door and replaced him…  Now, Rae was in the room, and it was full of computers. She could see herself on every screen, and then he was there again in front of her. "No … no more … I deleted you … you're dead…"

"Rae, Honey, wake up, it's all right. Baby, it's just a dream." Jesse heard Anneya begin to cry in the nursery down the hall, and he was torn between his wife and his child. Rae seemed to be quiet for the moment, although he had never seen her get rid of her demons without waking up. But if he didn't go to Anneya she would wake the whole house, already he could hear her cries getting louder, more insistent. With a sigh he knew that he would have to leave Rae, get his little girl, and then he could come back and help his wife as much as possible.

This decision made, Jesse got out of bed and moved towards the door.

"Jesse … help me … help …" Rae started to turn the computers off. Shutting down all the filth on the screens, but Levington followed her, turning them back on. Rae looked round, helplessly and saw her husband in the doorway. If he turned some off too they would beat him. She begged him, but he turned away and left her. "Jesse … no, don't go …no … not again, NO!" Rae's body arched up in the bed, and then she collapsed onto the mattress, her eyes open and her body shaking as she did so.

Jesse, all thoughts of his daughter instantly forgotten, rushed to her. "Rae. Oh, God, Rae, Honey are you awake?." Jesse placed his hand on the side of her throat, not knowing what it would do to her, but needing desperately to feel a strong steady pulse under his fingertips.

Rae's whole body stiffened as she felt his touch and the scream that left her lips chilled him to the bone. He didn't know what else to do and so he pulled her into his arms and just sat on the bed rocking her back and forth, comforting himself as well as her.

Steve had woken to the sound of crying, and knew, from the night he and Jo had looked after the infant alone, that it was Anneya. She was so different from her sister, that it was hard to believe that they were related. They looked very alike, Eliana was dark where Anneya was fair, but it was obvious they were sisters, their personalities though were completely different. Pulling himself out of bed, Steve carried on his thoughts as he made his way sleepily towards the nursery. Hoping that he would get there before the little girl realised that she wasn't crying quite loud enough and she really needed to put in a little more effort!

Eliana was a happy sunny child, even when she wasn't chattering away she was normally smiling and content. Anneya on the other hand was either crying or just looking at the world through big blue eyes taking it all in, but giving nothing out in return. Steve loved them both dearly, but he had a feeling that with Anneya the love wouldn't be returned in the same open and unconditional way that it was with her sister. She would go through life keeping everything very close to her chest. Not that that was the case right now. She was definitely giving her all to the current bout of night-time wailing because now it was a definite wail. 

Steve had just picked her up out of her crib and begun to walk up and down in the dark with her little warm cheek resting on his shoulder when he heard Rae scream. He felt the hairs stand up on the back of his neck and he knew that he had to check on her. Carefully putting the pacifier into his little charge's mouth, Steve left Eliana fast asleep in her own crib and moved down the hallway towards where Jesse and Rae were staying. As he did so Jo came out of their room, a look of worry on her face, and Michael, Daniel, and Mark, who had stayed the night, joined them.

"Jo, Sweetheart, just knock on the door and make sure that Jesse's ok with Rae. Everybody else move out of sight. We look like we want to pay an entrance fee and watch."

Steve's instructions were obeyed without murmur, and then the low knocking could be heard on the wood.

"Come in." Jesse knew that it would be either Steve or Jo, and to be honest he would be glad of some company. Rae was calmer now, but she was holding on to Jesse so tightly that couldn't pull himself away. Not that he wanted to, but he needed to get to Anneya.

"Jesse, what happened? We heard a scream."

"I … I'm sorry. I could see him, everywhere, I killed him, but he just kept coming back … the computer copied him again and again." Rae shuddered. She hadn't moved from her position in her husband's arms, and her voice was muffled and broken.

"Jo, I need to go get Anneya could you …" Jesse's voice trailed off as he saw his friend shake her head.

"No, you don't. She is restin' on the shoulder of her deeply besotted Uncle Steve, an' I don't think he will give her up lightly."

"Thank you." The relief in Jesse's voice was considerable, and Jo saw him relax a little.

The rest of the night was uneventful although Steve and Jo kept Anneya with them until morning, and Rae spent the entire time in the arms of her husband, not wanting him to move away from her, too scared to shut her eyes in case the nightmare came back to her once more.

As the sun began to shine in through the window to the room Rae and Jesse were sharing she took a deep breath and pulled herself out of his grasp. "Jesse, thank you, thank you, so much." Rae found his lips with her own and began to kiss him, running her hands through his hair, and moving closer to him so that she could feel his skin against her own once more.

Jesse felt his passion rising, but knew that he couldn't act on it. Now would be the wrong time. Instead be began to respond just to the kiss, running his fingers across Rae's back for a moment before feeling himself being pushed back down onto the bed. 

Gradually Rae moved until she was lying with her head resting on his chest, then, after laying one hand on his shoulder, she began to speak. "I thought that they were over, that I was free of him. How can we stay in a hotel if there is a chance of that happening again?" 

Jesse smiled a contented smile; he would be able to solve that problem for Rae straight away. "We don't have to stay in a hotel. I spoke with Jo and …"

"Jesse, I told you we wouldn't be staying here. It isn't fair." Jesse felt her whole body tense up, and he moved his hand so that he could rub gentle circles on her back.

"If you will let me finish I will explain. Jo has a house, just down the street, that she was gonna sell, but she said we could have it to rent instead. I said that we would love to have it. We can move in today."

"You did what?" Rae was standing up in an instant. The gentleness in her voice forgotten as she stood, staring in disbelief at her husband. "You agreed to rent a house in Beverley Hills, from my best friend, and you didn't even consult with me first?"

"I … No, I … didn't think …"

"Yeah, well, that's your trouble, Jesse Travis, you don't think, not about me, or the children, you just think about yourself. Well, thank you very much, Jesse, thank you very much indeed!" Rae opened the closet, grabbed some clothes from inside it and then disappeared into the bathroom. Jesse sat there, a look of stunned disbelief at the words he had just heard on his face. Then with a shake of his head, as if to clear away the unfairness of it all, he lay back down; to try and work out what just happened.

Rae had a quick shower, and pulled on the jogging bottoms and t-shirt that she had grabbed, without looking, from the small pile of clothes that Texas had lent her. Then she walked back into the bedroom, and without looking at Jesse, out into the hallway and down the stairs.

Rae made her way to the gym that Steve had installed in one of the rooms that they hadn't ever used. Rae knew that he and Texas often worked out there together, but she hoped that they would still be asleep, that way she could eliminate some of her anger before she had to start work. She pushed open the door and saw Steve lying back on one of the benches pulling a lever down, which resulted in way more weights that she could ever lift being raised behind his head.

She tried to duck back out without being seen, but it was a small room, and straight away she heard her partner call to her.

"Hey, Rae, come and join me." Steve let the weights fall with a heavy clang and then sat up. He took a towel off the floor and wiped it across his face and then patted down his arms, removing the sheen of sweat as he did so. It was clear that Steve had been in the gym for a while. His grey vest top was wet from the exertion he had put in, and there was an almost empty water bottle on the windowsill just above his head.

"I'm sorry, Steve, I won't interrupt you." Rae turned and opened the door, but suddenly felt his hand on her arm and the black mood that had brought her this far evaporated and she turned to him. Steve's arms went round her and she leant into her friend and partner, desperate for the reassurance and love she knew she would find there. 

"Come on, it's over, nothing can be as bad as what we saw yesterday, it's all downhill from here." Steve kept perfectly still, he knew that she needed his comfort, but he didn't want to scare her away.

Slowly Rae looked up at him. She felt so incredibly safe in his arms that she hadn't wanted to move at all, but she knew that she had no choice. "It was a cop. A cop did that, cut up another cop, and a woman, I can't … how could you hate someone enough to do that?"

For a minute Steve thought over what he was going to say, and then, after quietly moving Rae over so that she could sit down on the bench he had been working on just a few minutes before, he began to speak. "Remember we talked about how those two girls could have felt so desperate that they would commit suicide like that? About how, thank God, we couldn't understand because we had never felt that desperate, that alone, that unloved?" Steve stopped and saw Rae nod her head slightly. "Well, this is the same. You said that you wanted Levington dead, but I know that you couldn't have done that to him." Again Steve stopped, this time because he felt Rae shake her head in affirmation of what he had said. "You have to keep that humanity alive, because if you don't, gradually, because of the work that we do, and the things we see, we'll be eaten away at until we **can** feel that type of hate and that would be a terrible thing to happen. You can't understand because you don't have a hateful bone in your body. You couldn't do that because you are mentally incapable of feeling that way."

Rae's eyes hadn't left his face the entire time he was speaking, but now she lowered them so she was looking at the floor. "But I wanted him to suffer, I wanted him to die, and then he did, I saw him die in front of me. You were there, you know what happened."

"I know, but you wouldn't have done what this guy did to Crosier. Rae, you have to let it go again. You had moved on from this, you have to do it once more. You may have to keep doing it, but you need to do it right now, because we have a job to do, and our caseload just got way too heavy for us."

Rae nodded. "Well, I guess you had better show me the best way round this gym so that I can cope with a day working with you." 

The quip was a little false, but it was a start, and with a gentle kiss on the top of her head Steve moved across to the mat in the corner of the room. "Ma'am, would you like to warm up?" Rae gave a bow and followed him over.

Rae and Steve had arrived at breakfast enervated and ready for a busy day. Michael had helped Jo to get Eliana and Anneya up, washed and dressed, and although Rae had apologised she could tell that they had enjoyed it, and she didn't feel too guilty. Daniel had been very quiet and although they had asked whether there was something wrong he hadn't admitted to anything. Mark was on an early shift and so had left just after they had met in the hallway. Jesse hadn't come down to breakfast at all, and when Rae had returned to their room to get dressed for work she had found him fast asleep, and so obviously in need of the rest that he hadn't even stirred when she had kissed him gently on the cheek before leaving the room.

Both Steve and Rae had messages on their cell phones from Amanda and so they headed straight to Community General. They took a detour through the ER and seeing Mark and Alex talking together went over to see them.

"Hey, guys, how's it going? Mark, it's good to see you back where you belong." Rae kissed her friend on the cheek, and then did the same to Alex. "And you, Alex, how are you today?"

"I'm fine thanks and …" Alex made a very theatrical show of looking around to see if anyone was listening, "Don't tell anyone, but it's been quite quiet." 

"Good, are you still coming to the ball on Saturday night?" Rae hadn't been able to help Texas very much since she had returned to work, but she was still looking forward to it and felt a huge amount of responsibility for its perceived success or failure.

"Of course, I have to use the tux at least twice a year to feel I'm getting my money's worth. And if I backed out now Shannon would kill me. She's never been to anything like it in her life before. Mind you, neither have I. Do sneakers go with a tux?"

"Oh, funny." Rae looked round to see that Steve and Mark had moved away a little from where she was standing and she looked back at Alex with a puzzled frown on her face.

"Honey, come in here with me, just for a minute, ok?" Alex put his arm round Rae's back, and she nodded, following her doctor into a vacant trauma suite. "Rae, I hope you don't mind, but Mark told me about your dream, and what you found yesterday. I'm worried about you; you shouldn't still be having dreams."

"Alex, I promise you, I'm not. I haven't had a nightmare since before Anneya was born, and this one was different, it was related to what happened yesterday. I don't think I'll get it again, but I have a lunch time appointment with Lauren."

"Well, as long as you're sure, I worry about you, Rae, the job you do, and everything that has happened to you… I'm sorry." Alex's words tailed off. Suddenly he felt stupid and very young. He could see, just by looking at her, that Rae was fine again, but he'd had to find out for himself. To his surprise Rae leant over and kissed him gently on the cheek.

"Thank you, Alex.  Don't apologise, I don't mean to make you worry about me, I guess it goes with the job, but I really am fine, and I'll make sure I stay that way. I have no intention of going back to how I was. But I'd better get back to Steve, unless you want to start a rumour about a young doctor and a slightly, and I emphasise the slightly, older cop."

"Oh, God, no. Shannon'll lynch me for sure." To his embarrassment Alex felt himself blush and he looked at Rae, trying to salvage some of the situation. "Of course, it might do your reputation the world of good!"

"Why you cheeky … get out of here, before I tell your momma!" Rae stuck her tongue out at Alex and then pretended to rush him, the both arrived back in the hallway at the same time, laughing and giggling about the end of the conversation, both heartened by the reactions of the other.

"Detective, if you could just leave the young doctors alone for a minute… What, what did I say?" Steve, his sarcastic tone replaced by puzzlement as Rae and Alex began laughing again, tried to regain control of the conversation. "Rae, we need to get down to Amanda."

Rae became serious again instantly, "Sorry, Steve, ok, I'm ready now." A small laugh escaped her, and she winked at Alex, "See you Saturday, Sweetie!" A full blown laugh resulted from that as she made Alex blush again, and then, without another word or sound, Rae headed for the elevator, leaving the three men standing watching her exit.

Amanda was sitting at her desk, papers everywhere, when they arrived. Rae and Steve were both surprised to see the mess, she was normally so efficient that they were instantly worried about her.

"Amanda, are you ok?" It was Steve who spoke first.

"Mmm, what? Oh yeah, I've lost something, I'll find it in a moment."

"You've **lost** something? Wow." Rae looked at Steve as she spoke.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Amanda's eyes were full of emotion as she spoke, and Rae moved straight over to her, noticing with concern that Amanda turned her gaze away from her.

"Amanda, what's the matter?"

"Nothing, it's just that … well, I've never had to autopsy just a head before, I don't know why but it just really got to me last night, and then … and then this happened." Amanda looked up again and this time there were tears in her eyes.

"What, what happened, Amanda, do you need me to get Dad?" Steve had moved over too, and he slipped his arms around his friend. They had known each other a long time, but he didn't think he had seen her like this before, not at work anyway.

"This is what happened." Amanda held up her left hand and there sparkling on her finger was a beautiful diamond engagement ring.

"Oh, Honey, I am just so pleased for you… Amanda?" This time Steve was more than concerned he was really worried as she leant into him and began to cry. He looked at Rae and mouthed two words, _Get Dad_ and then watched with relief as she nodded and headed off on her errand.

"… I just think you should come see her that's all. She's upset, I guess we all are, but it is really affecting her, and, well, she has other news too. Maybe everything together is too much for her." 

Steve heard Rae's voice as the elevator doors opened, and then he saw the welcome, but worried, face of his father.

"Amanda, Honey, whatever is the matter?"

"Mark? Oh, Mark, I'm so sorry, I just got a bit … a bit emotional … You needn't have come down."

"Want me to go then?" Mark tried a little joke, and was heartened when she responded to it.

"No, you might as well stay, now you are here." She gently moved away from Steve, and then stood up and brushed her clothes down. "Guys, I'm sorry, let's go for a coffee, Steve; I can fill you in on what I found in about ten minutes or so, will that be all right?"

"Of course, you are far more important than any report, take your time."

Together the four friends, walked up to the doctor's lounge, which was thankfully empty. "Are you the only doctors who use this room? Only we hardly ever have to share." Rae was always surprised to find that they could have privacy so easily in such a public place.

"I think they run when they see Dad coming. It's his personal private domain."

Mark just looked at Steve, then they all sat down round the table, and Rae made them each a drink. As they let their coffee and teas cool the three of them waited for Amanda to begin talking.

"You know, when I saw the … the head in the freezer, I was fine, I had my coroner's hat on, so to speak. I knew that Ron was going to pick up the boys for me, but by the time I got home I was feeling a little … fragile, I guess." Amanda stopped speaking for a moment and took a mouthful of her coffee. "All I planned to do was help with homework, have a bath and then crash out on the bed until morning." She stopped talking again as the recollection of what had met her eyes filled her mind and when she began to speak again it was as if all four of them were there, reliving her memory with her.

_Amanda had heard CJ and Dion long before she saw them. "She's home, mommy's home."_

_"Shhh, she'll hear you and then you'll spoil it." Dion's slightly older voice cut through the air._

_"Boys."__ Ron had only needed to say the one word and they had fallen into silence. Amanda had smiled as she locked up the car and some of her fatigue left her. She wondered what surprise they had concocted this time. Since Ron had moved to LA she had come home to a Mexican evening, complete with sombrero's and tequila, an indoor barbeque which had taken forever to get out of the carpet, and an all-you-can-eat fish dinner, as long as you liked fish fingers that was. This time though it was different._

_Dion and CJ were standing just inside the door; wearing the suits they had been bought for Steve and Jo's wedding. Dion took his mom's purse and coat, and CJ, with a look of deep concentration on his face, had begun to speak._

_"If, Mom would …"_

_"Madam, not Mom, you idiot."__ Dion's voice had been hard and Amanda had seen her youngest son's face fall. She had placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled. It seemed to do the trick and he had started to speak again._

_"If, Madam, would like to follow me." With a big smile, because he had got it right, CJ led his mom into the dining room and she had let out a gasp of surprise._

_The room was lit only by candles, and there must have been a hundred of them flickering on every surface. The table was set with all the best silverware and crockery, and a bottle of champagne was chilling in the ice bucket, its stand next to where she knew Ron would sit._

_Strung across from corner to corner all around the room were garlands of pink and white balloons, and in the middle, above the table there was one helium balloon, resting gently against the ceiling with a small package hanging down from its string._

_As she stood there taking the scene in she felt two large, safe and strong hands cover her eyes, and she placed her own hands over them. "Shhh, don't say anything, just let me guide you." Ron's voice was huskily seductive in her ear and she did just as she was told._

_Amanda had felt the hands over her eyes move slightly and then they were replaced by the soft and small hands of one of her children. Closing her eyes, so that she wouldn't be able to see through the fingers and spoil the surprise, Amanda crouched slightly and waited for what was going to happen next. Ron's hand took hold of hers and the darkness was replaced by light as Dion, for it was he standing behind her, moved into her eye line._

_Amanda had looked down in surprise to find Ron on one knee in front of her, with her sons directly behind him, an expression of immense happiness on his face. "Honey, the boys and I have been talking, and we think that I have been here long enough to know that this is for ever. I spoke with them and they have given me their permission to ask you this. Amanda, I love you and your family with all my heart, please, Baby, will you marry me?"_

_Amanda had seen CJ start to giggle when Ron had called her 'baby' and Dion's elbow as it had made contact with his ribs, but all this was secondary to what she was really looking at, which was the face of the man she loved and, unable to speak for fear of breaking down, she just nodded, but then words had come, words, tears and laughter all at once._

_"Oh, yes! Ron, Yes! Yes! Yes! Tomorrow, I will marry you tomorrow, if you want. Honey, I love you too, so much I didn't think it was possible to love someone as much as I do you."_

_There had been no more words then as Ron had stood and swept her up into his arms in one movement, and they had kissed and kissed, oblivious of the world outside, of even the boys, who were now both giggling and making faces, until in the end she had just relaxed into his embrace and known, without a shadow of a doubt, that it was where she wanted to spend the rest of her life._

"The meal was … different … Ron had wanted to include the boys all the way, so that they didn't feel that me marrying him would change their place in the family, he had let them choose their favourites. We had chicken nuggets, curly fries, chocolate ice cream and donuts. We did have champagne, and we let them have a mouthful each which they hated, and then they drank soda." Amanda smiled at the memory of the meal. She had expected something romantic, maybe salmon and strawberries, rather than chicken dippers and brown sauce, but then, she guessed, she was a mom not a supermodel.

"And the ring, when did he give you the ring… Um, if you don't mind sharing." Rae suddenly realised that maybe Amanda had left that bit out for a reason.

"No, I don't mind sharing." Amanda had smiled gratefully at Rae, knowing instantly what she was getting at. 

_Dion and CJ had 'offered' to clear the table, and once they had put everything onto the trolley and were wheeling it out into the kitchen with instructions on how to load the dishwasher still ringing in their ears, Ron had reached up and pulled at the string of the balloon still hugging the ceiling. He had turned to her and smiled once again._

_"Amanda, you are the most wonderful, sexy, beautiful, woman I have ever known in my life. I can't believe that you love me even half as much as I love you, and I know I still have a lot to learn about this family business, but together I know we can make a go of it. We can have a strong happy family unit, because you have made such a great start. Honey, I am just so honoured that you said yes to me. Will you wear this to show everybody that we are together?"_

_The tears had rushed to Amanda's eyes; she knew just how much he had learnt, how much he had relaxed and opened up, and how much he had tried to get to grips with, not only a relationship with her, but a ready made family that needed time and attention lavished on it. The fact that he had succeeded so well just proved to her that he really was the man for her. She had watched in silence as Ron had gently taken her left hand and then tenderly slid on to it a solitaire diamond engagement ring. Then he had taken her into his arms once again, and neither fire nor flood would have separated them._

"Sweetie, I just can't tell you how pleased I am for you. He is a very lucky man."

"Oh, I know that, Mark, I know that." Ron's voice cut into the friendly gathering, but so vivid had the imagery been that none of them were surprised to see him there. Amanda stood up and moved over to him and was soon all but enveloped in a huge bear hug.

"Hey, you." Her voice was back to its normal calm tones now, but the three other friends, knew just how much the previous evening had meant to her.

"Hey, yourself. Miss me?"

"Not as much as you, apparently, since you're the one who came visiting." Amanda had smiled at him, and he kissed her once more on the lips before shaking his head.

"Ah, actually, no. I need to speak with Steve and Rae."

"There, replaced all ready. My mother was right. Never trust a fed." Amanda smiled, and then she leant over and whispered in Rae's ear, just loud enough for her fiancé to hear. "Be gentle with him, he had a busy night!"

"Amanda!" Ron's voice was shocked, and they all laughed. Then Rae moved across and took him by the hand. 

"Come with me, Agent Wagner, I'll get you a coffee, and you can sit and realise just what you have let yourself in for."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse had come down the stairs, trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes just after eleven. The first person he saw was Daniel. "Hey, Daniel, aren't you supposed to be in school?"

"Yeah, but Michael and Jo let me stay home today." Daniel wouldn't meet Jesse's eyes, and, concerned, Jesse moved closer to him.

"Are you feeling unwell? I can give you a check over."

"No, no, it's nothing like that. I … I don't want to talk about it." 

Jesse looked at the young man again, and could see that whatever it was, was causing him great embarrassment. "Ok, but any time I can help, just let me know."

"Yeah, whatever." Daniel, delighted that the unwanted conversation was over bolted for his room, and Jesse, confused, but knowing that there was nothing he could do, made his way to the morning room.

"Da ddy." Eliana was sitting on the floor, a simple jigsaw in front of her, which was instantly forgotten as she saw Jesse walk towards her. Jesse picked her up, noticing for the first time, that the clothes she had on were a little small for her. 

"I guess Mommy and I need to go shopping for clothes, huh?" Jesse looked over at Jo as he spoke, but his daughter prevented him from speaking again.

"Mommy …" Eliana looked round and then back at her daddy. "Gone." A big tear slid down her cheek. "M … mommy."

_Oh, way to go, Jess, _There was no doubt that Eliana loved her daddy, but she was a mommy's girl, and would happily spend every minute of every day with her if she was able. Jesse put her back on the carpet, picked up a jigsaw piece and hid it behind his back. The tear was replaced by a smile and she scooted round to try and get it. Jesse moved as well, and soon they were laughing and rolling around the floor together, and Rae was, for the moment, forgotten.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The pathology lab at Community General was a little crowded. There were two doctors, two cops and an FBI Agent all sitting discussing body parts, and what information they had available to them.

"I don't really understand DNA, but I know that it is pretty decisive. It was explained to me, years ago, in London, but I guess things have changed since then. I had a refresher course here just after I arrived, but it was just so **dull**. I do remember some of it though. Using DNA you can tell that all the parts, the male parts that is, are all from the same guy right?" Rae looked across at her friend; she didn't need to shut her eyes to be able to see the head in the freezer. Her anger of the previous day had dissipated and now she just felt revulsion at what she had seen.

"Yes, that's right, I can give you a crash course; you know what it stands for, right?"

"De … something, something, nucleic acid … I tell you what, remind me." Rae smiled at her friend, she couldn't remember exactly what it stood for, and she knew that everybody now realised it.

"Almost, it's deoxyribonucleic acid."

"I do know that it is the centre of every cell, and it gives you your hair colour, eye colour, even determines what diseases you can get… Sorry, I'll shut up." Rae made herself comfortable, or as comfortable as she could on the corner of Amanda's now slightly tidier desk. The missing letter was back where it should have been, and everybody was ready to listen.

"That's ok, you're right. It looks like a long, narrow piece of string, under a microscope that is, because it is obviously not visible to the naked eye. If you had a foot long strand of DNA you could get it into a cube which would be one-millionth of an inch per side!" Mark looked at the three law officers as he finished speaking and smiled, he loved the scientifics of forensic medicine, it never ceased to amaze him, nor it would seem the rest of the people in the room. "Sorry, Amanda, I guess I kinda butted in there."

Amanda smiled as she began to speak. "It's not a problem. Like Mark said DNA is a long molecule, it's wound in a double helix, and found in the chromosomes. It's vital to cellular reproduction because, without it, your body can't produce proteins or enzymes. It also can produce an exact copy of itself."

"And, if I remember rightly, each cell has a complete DNA sample in it, yes? Which is why you can get it from blood, hair, semen … eyes … any part of the body." Steve looked at Amanda as he spoke, but it was his dad who replied.

"Yeah, and every cell's DNA is identical, no matter which part of the body you got it from it would be the same as everywhere else."

"So, if you were to simplify it for us poor lowly detectives, how would you go about working out one of those slides I've seen on TV, with the lines going across it?" Rae was feeling decidedly thick, Amanda and Mark obviously knew way more than she did, Ron wasn't saying anything, but she had a feeling that was only because he knew it all already, and even Steve seemed to have a better understanding of it than her.

"DNA is described as a strand which is made up of building blocks. Just four of them actually." Amanda stopped; she could already see a question forming in Rae's mind.

"But if there are only four of them how can they be so different that nobody is the same?"

"They have letters, well actually they have names but everybody uses the letters. A, T, G and C." Amanda waited, but Rae said nothing more, so she continued. "They are long molecules remember, so the letters can just go on and on, you can have any combination, ad infinitum.

Rae smiled, as she began to grasp the uniqueness of this science. "I wish you had done the course I went on; I would have understood it all."

"Thank you, now, just to confuse things a little, the letters aren't called letters, they're called bases. And if I knew someone's DNA I could synthesize it, with, guess what? A DNA synthesizer!"

"Stop, stop, you are making my brain hurt. Go back to the basics!" Rae ran her hands through her hair. She had always been useless at science, and it was definitely something that hadn't improved with age. 

Mark looked at Amanda and then receiving a nod took over the discussion. "As DNA varies from person to person, unless you are an identical twin, you can use these differences to tell one person from another. So, if we had two male feet we would be able to test the DNA to tell whether they came from the same body." Mark's eyes were twinkling, as he spoke, he was enjoying himself no end. "And I guess you would like us to tell you how that is done?"

"Yes, Dad, that is why we're here, or one of the reasons." Steve shook his head; you couldn't do anything quickly when his father and science were involved. 

"I'll let Amanda tell you then, because I haven't done any DNA testing, and she is a recognised expert." He beamed at his friend, and saw her blush and turn away for a second.

"In this case I cut the DNA into fragments with a chemical called a restriction enzyme, and then I sort them into size by putting them through a slab of gelatine using an electric current. Because of the gel the small fragments move quicker than the larger ones. Once that is done, a replica of the gel is made and it traps the DNA in the positions that they ended up in. So you have the large fragments one end and the small ones the other. This is also called a blot, and another part of the DNA called a probe is used to treat the blot." Amanda paused for a moment. "Are you still with me?"

The three detectives all nodded, and so she carried on.

"The probe binds to the blot in a place where a similar piece of DNA is already situated. This is called a target sequence and it only occurs at specific loci … sorry positions on the string. Ok, I'm almost done." Amanda had a glass of water on her desk and she leant over and picked it up, had a drink and then began to speak again. "The target DNA that has been recognised by the probe will be measured. These fragments come from places in the DNA where there is something called lengthpolymorphism, which means that the length varies from person to person. If the lengths are different then the DNA comes from different people, if it is the same, well, we would say that it is a coincidence that two people have the same length fragments, but in reality it is the same person."

"But we only have the DNA of one person, well two, but both are victims, he hasn't made any mistakes yet, so how are we gonna catch him using DNA?" Steve shook his head, all this was doing so far was showing that all the parts came from the same guy. He looked a little confused. Amanda had explained it to him in layman's terms when he had been pretending to be a doctor at Community General, but it was a long time ago. He had been on courses too, but it had always been explained in an assailant and victim scenario, such as rape when there was DNA on the injured party left by the attacker.

"It depends. There are many possible scenarios where we might very well be able to nail him this way." 

"How, if all we have are the victims DNA?" 

"Like this maybe." Amanda leant forward and delicately picked up a hair from Steve's shoulder with a pair of tweezers. "People lose their hair at a rate of about 100 a day. I haven't found any yet, but that doesn't mean that I won't. You don't know when you lose a single hair; hopefully he won't be smart enough to think of it."

"We think he's a cop." Rae eased herself off the desk and came a little closer to her friends. "Let's hope he's as ignorant of the facts of DNA as I was, or at least confused by them. Amanda, I know that you said it's almost impossible for someone to have the same DNA as another person, but how do you tell that what you have is a match?"

"Ok. You get your DNA from your mom and dad. The size of a DNA fragment is determined by the number of copies of VNTR, or variable number tandem repeats, there are in that fragment. The size difference is what I was talking about just now. For evidence purposes the important thing to remember is that the number of tandem repeats varies from person to person, and they also vary from place to place on your chromosomes. So for any given VNTR loci in your DNA you will have repeats."

"So the DNA you have will be the same as your mom and your dad, but the way it is laid out is unique to you?" Steve was sure he had it, but he was reassured when he saw both his dad and Amanda nod.

"Yeah. Most of what you have is the same as everybody else. But, and this is where even my mind boggles a bit, there are about 3 million base pairs of DNA which vary from person to person. The way DNA evidence is used is by comparing any DNA left at a crime scene with the DNA of a suspect, and like I said, if it is the same you have your man." Amanda smiled, the rest of the room seemed to be with her now.

"But couldn't a suspect say that he could have similar DNA to someone else?" Rae still wasn't totally convinced that she had it yet.

"He could, but as those 3 million base pairs, which only he has, remember, are just 0.10 percent of his entire genome, the argument doesn't have much chance of succeeding."

"Wow." Rae just nodded after that. The figures were staggering, and she guessed that if someone's DNA matched a semen sample or blood sample then there was no chance it could be anyone else. Rae needed that reassurance because she didn't think she could cope with the guy they were chasing being missed because of a clerical error.


	32. Too Close to Home

**Too Close To Home**

The rest of the day had been spent with Rae seeing Lauren and then she, Steve and Ron had started to work out a personality profile for their killer. It hadn't been a simple task however, and in the end they had decided to call it a day, and Rae and Steve had gratefully headed for home and a hopefully quiet evening.

Rae had arrived with a screaming headache, an aching back, and a bouquet of red roses in her hand. Jesse had seen her headlights as she turned into the driveway about fifteen minutes after Steve. He heard the slam of the car door, and then watched as she walked towards the entrance hall. The last words she had said to him that morning had been hard and hurtful, and he wasn't sure what mood she would be in now, so, taking his courage in both hands, he had smiled as she entered and moved closer to her.

"Hey, Sweetie, how was your day?" To his relief he got a smile, albeit a small one.

"Busy, confusing, relieving … and long."

"Well, the girls are with Michael, I could run you a hot bath, would that help?"

Rae had considered for a minute. "It might, but, first of all, I have an apology to make. Jesse what I said this morning was uncalled for, but more than that, it was untrue. You have always put your family first, and you are the most thoughtful person I know. I'm really sorry. I … I know it might be silly, but I bought these for you." Suddenly embarrassed Rae gave the roses to her husband.

"Wow, thank you! I don't think I have ever been given flowers before. They're beautiful, but you needn't have, I knew what a bad day you had yesterday …" Jesse stopped talking as Rae kissed him gently on the lips.

"Shhh. You know, you are just too nice. I know I was wrong, but thank you for being so … understanding about it all. Now, I think I have a house to see, don't I?"

Jesse's face lit up like a Christmas tree, and Rae had known that, unless it was infested with cockroaches, or structurally unsound, she would be living there by the following lunchtime.

The next hour had been spent looking round Jo's house, with Jesse pushing at randomly chosen books on the shelves hoping that a bar or secret passage would appear just like in Steve's study. Jo had never lived in the house, but apparently really liked it, Oak Place had belonged to her momma and papa, and they had stayed in it whenever they visited LA. Once they had died Jo's grandmamma had decided to rent it out, and it had been lived in, on and off, ever since. Jo had only decided to sell it because she knew that she would never live in it herself, and she had plenty of other property, not quite so close to home.

"So, what do you think? It's wonderful isn't it? We could be happy here, don't you think, maybe have more children… Ok, bad idea, no more children." Jesse watched Rae glare at him and knew that he was rambling but, he just wanted so badly to move in that he couldn't keep quiet.

"Jesse, how can we live in such a huge house? We don't have a Michael to keep it clean and sparkling, and before you say anything, there is no way in the world that I will ever have a butler." Rae looked around her. She knew that Jesse wanted to live here, but she didn't. However much she liked the look of the place, and she had to admit it was a beautiful house, she couldn't see herself bringing up two young children in a mansion in Beverley Hills.

"We could get a cleaner, maybe a nanny … no, no nanny." Jesse saw the glare once again, and knew that he was just making things worse. "Look, you won't know whether you are gonna like it until you give it try."

"Yes I will. I knew that the house we just lost was the right one before I went in through the front door. The house that Tony and I shared when we were married, I made up my mind as I walked down the driveway, and I know that this house isn't for me."

"Then what are we gonna do?" The disappointment was evident in Jesse's voice. "David and Debbie arrive tomorrow, you don't want to be at Jo's when they are, but you don't want to go stay in a hotel in case you have another nightmare. I heard Amanda's news today, about her and Ron, so we can't go there either. That leaves the beach house, but it isn't really big enough for the four of us, Mark and Alex, even if he is in Steve's old apartment now. It doesn't leave us much time to find somewhere else does it?" Jesse ran his fingers through his hair, he didn't want to be at Jo's when David arrived, it was one thing to sleep there for a couple of nights, but this could go on indefinitely, and that was wrong.

For a while the hallway was silent, but then Rae began to speak. "Are you prepared to compromise?" Rae moved a little closer to Jesse. She could see the longing in his eyes; he just couldn't hide how much he wanted to live in this house.

"What type of compromise?"

"I will agree to sign a six month lease … hold on, a six month lease, but then, if I still don't like it, or if we have as much dust as Texas had in her grandmamma's part of the house, we go find someplace else to live, deal?"

"Oh, deal, deal, I know you will just love it, and we will be here forever. Thank you, Rae, thank you. We could move in here tonight, right now in fact. I could run your bath here. What do you say?" Jesse was bouncing like a little child, and Rae, suddenly filled with the same childish enthusiasm, grinned at him.

"Maybe we could persuade Steve to have the girls tonight. It might be fun to be here on our own, just the two of us."

It hadn't taken long to arrange, Eliana and Anneya would stay with their Uncle Steve and Aunty Jo, on the understanding that Rae and Jesse would pick them up the following day long before David and Debbie arrived. They had then forgotten all about them, knowing that they were safe and happy where they were, and Rae, letting herself be pulled along by Jesse's enthusiasm, found herself enjoying everything immensely.

"Rae … Honey, your bath is ready. All you have to do is work out which bathroom I used." Jesse's voice floated down the stairs to where Rae had been told to wait in the morning room, which she had every intention of calling the breakfast room. She would put a table in here and they could eat in the sunshine when they were all home together. With a smile Rae put down the magazine she had been flicking through and headed for the stairs. They had brought just a few things back from Texas's house, mainly things that would ensure she had a relaxing bath, but also, on the table in the hallway was a vase with Jesse's flowers in. Rae smiled again as she saw them, and began her walk up the staircase that made her feel like a heroine in a romantic novel.

Jesse was standing in front of the door to the master bedroom. Rae smiled at him. If she'd thought they had a master bedroom in their last house, it was nothing compared to this one.  "I'm standing here, because I'll give you a hint, I didn't use our bathroom."

"Oh, ok, well, I can't remember which doors lead to bedrooms and which to bathrooms so I guess I'll just have to try them all." 

Rae and Jesse's new home had two wings, just like Steve and Texas's did, but they weren't quite so far apart. There was a kitchen, laundry, and breakfast room downstairs, along with a dining room, two living rooms, one of which they could use as a playroom, a library, a music room and two studies. Upstairs they had six bedrooms as well as two attic rooms, and every room had its own bathroom, including those in the loft, so Rae knew that it could take a while before she found her way into the water. It was the aroma of lavender that gave it away in the end. Rae had been through four bathrooms before she began to smell a very familiar scent.

"It's this one." She opened the door and a large, perfectly white bathroom appeared through the steam. There was a raised platform over to one side of the room, with a Victorian type bath on top of it. The sink unit, toilet and bidet _ Mmm__, I've never had a bidet before, _were also white, and beautifully ornate. The only colour in the room was in the blue tiles scattered here and there, the towels that matched them and the gold taps. Rae felt Jesse's arms go around her and then she felt the buttons of her shirt, as he gently undid them.

The shirt slipped to the floor, and then the jogging pants that she had worn to work followed. Jesse turned his wife round so that he could see her. "You are a beautiful woman Reagan Travis; even after all we've put you through."

Rae smiled at him. "Thank you. You haven't put me through anything I didn't want to be put through, but I think you already know that." She pulled away then and slipped out of her underwear. Tomorrow she would have to go and buy her own. She couldn't keep wearing Texas's clothes, they were far too big.

After an hour of wallowing and relaxing Rae pulled a large white fluffy bath robe around her slender shoulders and began the journey down the hallway towards her bedroom, knowing that it would help if she could remember which door it was. Suddenly there was, again, no doubt, because Jesse poked his head round the doorframe.

"Hi, beautiful, did you enjoy that?" Jesse had left the bathroom once Rae was comfortable, and as she entered the room she could see why. The bed that she had thought she would have to make was now already done and there was a glass of her wine on the nightstand.

"Yes, thank you, and I think I might enjoy this too. Are you ready for bed?" Rae tried to stifle a yawn, knowing that Jesse would have things other than sleep on his mind.

"Yeah, I am. It's tiring work being a stay at home dad." He pulled back the covers, and Rae let the bathrobe fall to the floor. She climbed under the smooth cold cotton sheets and couldn't help but shiver. "Hey, careful, you'll catch a chill, come here, I'll warm you up." Jesse had slid into bed too and Rae snuggled up against his smooth warm skin.

There was no sound or movement for about ten minutes, and then Rae shifted position slightly. "Could we just stay here, like this, for ever, do you think?" She waited, but there was no reply and so Rae looked up, into the peaceful face of her sleeping husband.

With a sigh Rae moved again, now that Jesse was fast asleep she found that she wasn't tired at all, and so, enjoying the feeling of his warm chest against her cheek, and the sound of his steady heartbeat in her ear, Rae began to look around her new room.

Whereas the furniture and soft furnishings in Texas's home were almost all gold or golden tones, the décor in this house was plain, almost in the extreme, and in the bedrooms and bathrooms the predominant colour was white. 

The walls had a satin wall covering which looked like long strands of ribbon, this was a slightly off white in colour, and was only broken up by various pictures of colourful gardens. The drapes were a very deep burgundy, and Rae loved them. It was one of her favourite colours, and she liked the way that they swung into the three deep bay windows that the master bedroom had.  The middle bay wasn't actually a window but a set of French doors leading out onto a large, private terrace, which Rae intended to investigate further at a later date.

Although they had called it the master bedroom it wasn't really just that, it was more accurately a suite of rooms, and Rae had to admit to already looking forward to curling up in one of the very comfortable looking burgundy armchairs with a good book and reading until she was ready to stumble into the next room and fall straight into bed, but she wasn't quite ready to tell anyone that yet. With a yawn Rae realised that her ruminations were causing her to become drowsy, and so with a sigh she snuggled down against Jesse and felt his arm pull her tighter in his sleep. She closed her eyes on a feeling that six months may not be long enough.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Thursday morning had dawned bright and clear, and Rae and Jesse had lain in each other's arms watching the sun send patterns through a new set of curtains. As Jesse turned towards Rae, he saw a look of peaceful contentment on her face and his heart soared. He gently placed his finger on her cheek and turned her so that he could see her eyes, and then tenderly he began to kiss her.

Rae felt his tongue as it began to move against her own, and she altered her position slightly so that she could run her fingers into his hair. This seemed to give Jesse the encouragement he needed, and the kiss became more passionate, and he began to move his hands across her back and up and down her spine. His kiss became a gasp as he felt Rae mirror his movements until she reached his shorts, and then, pulling herself away from him slightly, she began to remove them.

Rae ran a finger up his half erect penis, and it moved instantly to attention, then as she felt him shudder, she took it suddenly into her warm, wet mouth. "Oh, Rae, Ohhh." Jesse couldn't speak any more, the feelings that his wife had suddenly made explode inside him rendered him speechless and he knew he was lost in time. He reached his hands up and grabbed hold of the pillow behind him, giving himself completely to her.

Rae felt the movements that her husband made, and, as she gently moved her mouth up and down his now rock hard erection, she saw him surrender his body to her, and her passion rose even higher. The gentle movements gradually became stronger, and Jesse moaned loudly as he felt her teeth on him. The feelings stopped as Rae moved away, but she blew cold air over the tip before massaging it with her hand and then her tongue before returning it to its warm and wet home and he was lost in her again

Eventually he moved his hands down and into her hair, pulling her up towards him, not wanting her to stop but needing to kiss and possess her. His tongue went back into her mouth and he rolled so that she was underneath him. "My turn." Jesse's voice was husky and deep as he spoke just two words before moving to her left nipple, which he began to tease back and forth with his tongue, knowing how much she loved it. As his hand found the centre of her right breast he began to lose himself once more, but this time, in giving the pleasure back to her.

Together their bodies moved and rocked, and Jesse could feel himself getting closer and closer to losing control completely. He moved his mouth down Rae's body, his tongue licking and swirling across it, while his fingers spread her legs ready for him to kiss and lick and nip her most private of places. 

Rae felt Jesse's mouth as it began to move down her body and she almost stopped breathing as she waited for him to reach and then move past the hair between her legs. As his tongue began to delve deeper she cried out, wanting him to know how it felt.

"Jesse! Oh, God, that's good, Jesse, Ohhh." Her hands began to play with her own nipples, and the feelings began to merge together as her body moved in time with the waves of pleasure coursing through it. "Oh, Jesse, now, take me, now, Ohhh!" Suddenly Rae felt herself being taken by her husband and his throbbing manhood was thrust in to where she needed it most.

Their movements were one again, but Rae knew that she wouldn't be able to wait for Jesse to come with her. "Now, I can't … Ohhh…" Rae felt herself explode, as all her feelings came together, and then Jesse, his hands grabbing hold of the covers, stiffened for a moment. 

"Keep going, Rae, Oh, my … Yes, Yes!" Jesse felt as if he was pouring everything that he had into Rae, and the feelings kept coming and coming, the sensations washing over him until he felt completely drained. "Will you catch me if I fall?" His voice was faint and breathless.

"Always, my darling, always." Rae moved her hands up and Jesse collapsed against them, then she lowered his spent body onto hers, feeling him leave her as she did so.

The room was silent apart from the sound of their breathing, and Rae gently ran her hands over her husband's back as he lay, his head on her shoulder, completely oblivious of everything except the presence of her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had driven to the station, spoken with Steve, who had greeted her with a hearty 'howdy neighbour!' and had a tongue stuck out at him for his pains, and knew that they needed to speak with Captain Newman once they had sorted exactly what they wanted to tell him.

That plan however, looked to be thwarted about an hour after they arrived as the phone rang on Steve's desk. "Sloan here … Oh, hi, Alison … oh great … where in Van Nuys … no, we have a map … hold on.

"Rae, we just got a call on a body part out in Van Nuys." 

"Wonderful. Did she say where in Van Nuys? Is it anywhere near Murietta Avenue? Ok, ok, I know, I'll get my map."

"You're looking for Vesper Avenue." Steve had made a note on his pad, and now he waited as Rae began to look in her desk.

It didn't take her long to find. "Vesper Avenue, it's about two blocks away from Murietta." She turned the map round so that he could see where she was pointing. 

Steve listened again "Ok, thanks, Alison, hold on." He looked up. "The call was taken by a black and white from Van Nuys, but when they radioed in what they'd found it ended up with us."

"And what did they find?" Rae was studying the map, but she knew where she was going.

"Take this a minute and make notes, I'll check the map." Steve held the phone out to her and Rae had to smile, he wouldn't travel in Tom unless he absolutely had to, and she knew that today wasn't one of those times.

"Alison, it's Rae, can you tell me what they found?"

"A female foot." Alison's shudder was apparent in her voice. "Ughh, how do you deal with finding a foot?"

"The same way as you deal with finding a severed head in the freezer." Rae's voice was a little harder than she had meant, and she looked down, embarrassed by her sudden show of emotion. "I'm, sorry. We'll go see what we have. Oh, Alison, if you see him before we do, could you let the captain know we need some of his time today?" 

"If you want to speak with him I would do it now. He's off to a conference in San Francisco at noon. I can call Van Nuys and let them know you will be a little delayed." The voice on the phone told Rae that their day was getting more complicated by the minute.

"Great. Ok, I guess we don't have much choice do we?" Rae sighed and shook her head as Steve began to pick up his jacket. "Thanks, Alison." Rae put Steve's phone down and ran her hand through her hair. "The Captain is going to a conference in San Fran he'll have left long before we get back from Van Nuys." 

Captain Newman looked up as he heard the knock on the door and saw the two experienced officers waiting to be allowed in. "Come." He watched them enter and gestured with his hand for them both to be seated. "Lieutenant, Detective, what can I do for you?"

"We need to speak with you about the 'Todd' case, Sir." Rae was anxious to get on, she didn't want to be doing this right now.

"The Todd case, oh yes, 'aka' the bits and pieces case. Of course. I heard what you found yesterday, I was a little concerned, but you both seem to be fine."

_"_Nothing a good therapist won't cure. We think we know who is behind this. Not an actual person, but where he works." Rae wasn't feeling as relaxed as she had been earlier that morning, and although she was far better than she had been the day before, she didn't want to discuss the head.

"I see, and do you plan to tell me? Or are you keeping it for your counsellor?" The Captains tone was short, and Rae knew she had pushed her limit.

"Do you want us to explain how we came to this conclusion, or just tell you, Sir?" 

"Detective, just tell me."

"Yes, Sir. We know that the link is Steve and we think the killer is a cop, Sir." Rae said nothing more but her eyes never left the face of her boss.

"From here? This precinct? I think that you had better explain yourself, Detective Yeager, and very quickly."

"Yes, Sir. We think he is from here, and probably from the vice squad.  It was Steve's case notes that gave us the clues." Rae looked at her partner but he just nodded. He still didn't like the fact that it was someone he worked with, and was quite prepared to let Rae do all the talking.

"The only part that was found when Steve wasn't available to deal with it was when he was on honeymoon, and he didn't know he was going himself until about five minutes before he left."

Again Steve nodded. He would happily return to that peaceful idyllic location right now, and not have to deal with sleazy cops, murdering and murdered cops, or any cops at all.

"That doesn't tell me why it is a vice cop, but I don't have time to listen to the details, I want all your evidence on my desk in ninety minutes. I am leaving for a conference and I can't wait around any longer that that."

"We, ah, have to take a call in Van Nuys. Another … part just turned up." Rae had stood up, knowing that the Captain had already effectively dismissed them.

"Very well. I will be back in three days. I think you should give all your information to the Chief instead. He will be speaking with me and I can ask for any new developments then. Lieutenant, if you would be so kind as to stay a moment… Detective."

This time there was no doubt that Rae had been dismissed and so she left the room, waved at Cheryl and then sat down at her computer. She would try to make as many notes as possible in the time that Steve was with Newman, at least then he would have something to go on.

"Lieutenant, I don't think you have ever come into my office and then not said a word. Do you have a problem with what Detective Yeager said?"

"No, Sir … Yes, yes, I do. It's not that I don't agree with them I just … I just don't want to agree with them. This guy is playing with me. He is cutting two people up and leaving parts of them all over town because he can goad me. And this is a guy who I have probably worked with, maybe closely. Hell, it's a guy from my old department." Steve stood up and moved away from the desk.  He hadn't put his feelings into words the night before, and he wasn't sure if Rae realised how he felt, or even if she knew that he used to be a vice detective himself.

"Yes, yes. I can see how that would affect you. You know that I can actually remove you from this case if you would prefer. Detective Banks works very effectively with Detective Yeager, I'm sure she would be willing to take this over for you."

"No, Sir. Thank you, but no. I'll see this through. Crosier was a feeble excuse for a human being, but the woman, she didn't deserve this. Neither of them did. I want to be there at the end, when we get this guy."

"Good, I'm glad you feel that way. Now, I see your partner is typing away furiously, for which I am very grateful, as it means I will have something to go on before I leave. However, I think that you should go to Van Nuys now, and I will take how ever much she has already written."

Steve just nodded and left the room, shutting the door as he did so. Rae hearing the noise turned and smiled. "Five more minutes and I will be finished."

"Ok. We can wait five minutes."  Without another word Steve walked over to where Cheryl was working quietly and began to talk to her.

The four pages of notes came out of the printer and Rae picked them up and took them to her Captain. Newman just nodded and took them without a word other than thanks, and she left his room, tapped Steve on the shoulder and then they were gone.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The two police stations were only four and a half miles apart, and so it didn't take much over a quarter of an hour before Steve drove past the precinct house on his way to Vesper Avenue, which was only another mile or so further on.

All the tell tale signs of a new police investigation could be seen around a parked car, half way down the street. Rae looked at the yellow tape and then the vehicle in disbelief.

"That's my car!"            

"What?" Steve looked at her.

"The car with the tape round it. It's … It's Tom!"

Steve looked over at where she was pointing and realised that the car was in fact her little tomato shaped vehicle. "Where did you leave it?"

"In the parking lot, just like I always do, same space, everything." Rae was shaking her head as she spoke, and they moved together towards the scene.

They both had their ID's in their hand knowing that the officers wouldn't recognise them. 

"Hi, there, I'm Lieutenant Sloan, this is Detective Yeager. What have you got?"

"We have a foot, sticking out from under the driver's seat; there is blood on the actual seat."

"Have you checked to see if it is open?" It was Rae who asked, she knew that she hadn't left her car unlocked, which meant that it must have been broken into, she also decided that it would probably be a good idea to just mention that it belonged to her. 

"No, Detective. When we called this in we got a message saying that we weren't to touch anything until you arrived." 

"Oh, ok. Well, let's see then. If it is locked I can open it for you, it's my car." Rae took a pair of gloves out of her pocket and pulled them on. She tried to open her door and wasn't at all surprised when it was unlocked. Rae carefully opened the door and then crouched down on the ground and tried to see if she could get a view of what was under her seat, but found that it was impossible, the sill was in the way, and she knew better than to touch.

If the two officers were surprised by Rae's announcement they managed to keep it to themselves, and to their credit, carry on as usual. "The coroner's wagon is on its way, Detective. We had better wait until it gets here before we look too closely hadn't we?" One of the officers had crouched down as well, anxious to watch the English detective at work.

"Well, I don't think you could actually get any closer if you tried, but yeah, that sounds good to me." Rae stood up and brushed at the imaginary dirt on the knees of the jeans Texas had lent her. "Who called 911?"

"A very irate lady who lives at number 3802.  She didn't know anything about the foot, or so she says. This is her parking space and someone was in it. So she called 911, mentioned that she just happens to know Chief Masters, and would someone please come and remove this nuisance. We got the call. I saw the foot just as I was about to try the door, and decided that it was a very bad idea."

Steve checked the badge on the young man's shirt. "Well, Officer Davis, I agree with you, it would have been a very bad idea. I guess we had better go and see her then. Can you let us know when the wagon arrives?" His tone left no doubt as to how he was feeling, and then he turned towards the house that had been pointed out by the patrolman.

"Oh, I don't know, they could send a push bike; it's not that big is it?" Rae smiled as she spoke to her partner. He had been silent a long time and she was getting worried about him. Hopefully if she lightened the mood a bit he might become more responsive.

"Mmm. As you are so cheerful you can deal with… what's her name?"

"Oh, sorry. Um, Mrs. Davenport."

The two detectives walked up the path to the neat and tidy house. Steve rang the doorbell, and then he stepped back and waited.

Very slowly the door opened and an elderly woman of about seventy looked through the small gap. Rae held her ID up to the crack and wasn't at all surprised when it was taken from her and the door closed. Five minutes later, just when she was wondering if she would ever see her wallet again, the door was opened fully.

"Detective Yeager, won't you come in? I have just spoken with Chief Masters, and he assures me that you are a very good officer."

Rae smiled, "Thank you, Ma'am." She walked through into the hallway, and Steve went to follow.

"Young man, I don't believe that I invited you in as well." Mrs Davenport's tone was strict, and instantly Steve knew that she had been a teacher of some sort.

"Mrs Davenport, this is Lieutenant Sloan, he's my partner, I would really prefer if you would let him in. We are supposed to work in pairs."

"Very well, if you can vouch for him, then I will defer to you."

"Yes, Ma'am, I can vouch for him." Rae smiled, wondering whatever Steve would make of what had just happened.

The hallway to the Davenport home was carpeted in cream, and there was a box, on a mat, with a notice saying 'shoes' on it. Rae looked down, and with a small sigh took off her sneakers. They were the only shoes she had left, and she knew they weren't very presentable, but until she got some free time they would have to do. As she put them into the container she saw Steve do the same, and then, both of them feeling slightly vulnerable, they followed their hostess into the living room.

"Please sit down." The room was as cream and spotless as the entrance. It wasn't very big, it was the same shape as the hallway but a little wider. The carpet was identical to the one in the hall, and the suite was a coffee colour with cream cushions. "I expect you are here because of that ingrate who has parked in my space. I have spoken to your Chief about it on a number of occasions, but he insists there is nothing he can do, but this time … this time it wasn't even someone who lives in our street."

"You saw who left it there?" Rae moved forward in her seat, maybe they would finally get a lead.

"No, no, if I had I would have confronted him myself, I know all the cars in this avenue, and that little red thing isn't one of them."

"Oh, oh, I see." Rae couldn't believe how deflated she felt. "Do you know what time it was left there?"

"I went out for my morning paper at a little after nine, I was only gone ten minutes, and I left my cone in its place. When I got back there it was, no notice taken of the 'residents only' sign. This is a very busy street, we have to pay for our parking, and then you can't even park in front of your own house … Why aren't you taking all this down, my dear?"

"Ma'am, we aren't here about the fact that someone parked in your place. We are more interested in the actual car, and who left it there."

"Oh, I see." Mrs Davenport's tone had gotten extremely frosty, and she seemed to glare at Rae. "You appear to have gained entry to my house under false pretences, young lady."

"No, Ma'am, we need information on that car, you called it in, and we are following up on that call. The car … the car was stolen."

"Well, Detective, as I said, it was parked here when I was out, so there is nothing that I can help you with."

Rae stood up, knowing that they had been dismissed. She took one of her cards out of her pocket and handed it to the woman standing in front of her. "I thank you for your time, Ma'am, and if you do think of anything, could you let Lieutenant Sloan or myself know, on that number?"

"Of course, dear, I will do that…" Mrs Davenport seemed to stop talking for a moment, as if a thought had struck her, and then, her voice a little softer, she began again. "The lady two doors down from me was outside tending her garden when I left the house, she may have seen something."

"Thank you, do you know her name?" Rae finally took her notebook out of her pocket and saw the smile that crossed the features of the other woman.

"Yes, her name is Milton, Tasha Milton."

Rae crouched down on the mat and pulled her shoes back on, and then stood back up to shake hands with the lady. "Thank you, Ma'am, I'm sorry for the misunderstanding."

"That's all right, my dear. But if you do get a chance to have a word with the local police department, maybe they could keep a closer eye on this area."

"I'll see what I can do." Rae walked out and down the path, then she turned to wait for her partner. Steve had told her that he wouldn't question the woman but he hadn't said a word, and she was getting worried about him.

"Ok, before we do anything else, I want to talk to you." Rae put her hand on his arm.

"Leave it, Rae, ok? Let's just do our jobs and get back to the station." Steve's voice was as short and curt as it had been earlier and with a nod and a sigh Rae moved down towards where Mrs Milton lived but stopped as she heard her name being called.

"Detective Yeager." She turned to see the coroner's wagon drawing up beside her car and moved across, noticing that Steve was following at a distance. She watched as the patrolman showed the two men who had just arrived what it was that they would be taking with them and then she began to speak. 

"Hi, I'm Detective Yeager, North Hollywood Division." She showed her ID once more. There had been a time when she hadn't needed to even carry it with her, everybody had known exactly who she was, but thankfully those days had passed. "Could you take this … this appendage to Doctor Amanda Bentley at Community General Hospital? Only she has all the other … the other bits."

"Yes, that's no trouble."

With that problem solved Rae turned round and began the journey towards what she hoped might be a breakthrough in the case.

Tasha Milton lived in the same type of house as Mrs Davenport, but it was completely different. The hallway had a collection of Wellington boots in all sizes from very large to tiny in colours from green to pink. There were a myriad different coats hanging on an extremely full coat rack, and a little further down Rae could see a pair of roller skates and a tricycle.

"Won't you come through to the kitchen? I was just feeding the baby."

Rae had smiled, and nodded her head. They entered a warm and cosy room with a little boy of about eighteen month's old sitting in a high chair with a plate of sandwiches in front of him.

"Would you like a cup of tea or coffee? Or I have all the things that a mom would have. Fruit juice, milk, all the exciting stuff."

"A cold drink would be lovely, thank you." Rae looked over at Steve to see him shake his head, and as Tasha turned away to get her drink, she glared at him.

"No, thank you, Mrs. Milton, I'm fine." Steve sank back into silence then and left everything to Rae.

Tasha Milton had seen the red car arrive, and with a little prompting, was able to give Rae the first description of their suspect, although unfortunately only from the back. Including the fact that he seemed to be fiddling about under the seat for a few minutes after he had parked. Rae had rung through to the precinct and arranged for a police artist to be available later that day so that at least a partial sketch could be made up. As there would be no face she wouldn't normally have asked for the witness to go to the trouble of travelling to the station, but as up until now they'd had nothing Rae wanted a general description, she also wanted to show Mrs Milton photos of the vice squad detectives, and for that she needed the woman to be in the squad room. 

"I knew he would be in trouble with Mildred if he left his car there, and so I tried to catch his attention to tell him, but he just walked off in the other direction. I wouldn't dare park there, not even if Darren was screaming, it was raining, and I had bags of shopping. She's a lovely lady, but park in her spot and bang, you are in serious trouble."

"Thank you. If you think of anything else, maybe you could call on this number. Just ask for either Lieutenant Sloan or Detective Yeager and we'll come back again. You really have been very helpful. Once we have your sketch, well, maybe we can get moving with this."

Mrs Milton read the card and saw _Homicide Division_ and her eyes became worried. "With what, I thought it was just a stolen car." Tasha looked concerned. "I have three children under the age of nine, if there is any danger here, then I'm sorry but I can't do the sketch."

"No, Ma'am, I don't think there is any danger. But if you would prefer I could have the sketch artist come here." Rae could have bitten her tongue. The biggest lead so far and it could disappear in smoke.

"No, no, I'll come, my husband gets home at four thirty, so I will come over right after that. They don't have to know who I am do they?" The worry returned to her face as Mrs Milton thought of another problem.

"No, there is no need for the sketch artist to know who you are, and your name won't be on the picture."

"And if you catch him, whoever he is, what then?" Tasha was twisting a washcloth round and round in her hands and Rae moved across to her.

"Mrs Milton, I'm a mum myself, I can understand why you are scared, but there really isn't any need. When we get this guy we'll have so much evidence that your part in it will be forgotten. But until then I will make sure that your name isn't mentioned anywhere, ok?"

Tasha nodded her head and then smiled. "Thank you. I … I recognised your name, you have had so many things happen to you, and yet you are still here, still doing this. I guess it's silly for me to be scared over such a little thing."

"No, no, it's not, it's natural, you want to protect your children, just as I want to protect mine. We just do it in different ways."

"I guess." Mrs Milton didn't sound totally convinced, but she had stopped killing the cloth, and was stroking the head of her son as he devoured two biscuits.

"We'll see ourselves out, and thank you again, you really have been very helpful." With that Rae had left the kitchen, her silent partner behind her, and headed for the front door. Rae wasn't worried at all about what would happen to Mrs. Milton, but she was very worried about what was happening to her partner, and until she got to the bottom of it she had no intention of returning to the station.


	33. Danger by Association

**Danger by Association**

Rae waited for Steve to unlock the car and then she opened the passenger door, sat down and waited. Steve did the same, put his seatbelt on and, making all the subconscious checks that he always made, put the key in the ignition and then he looked at Rae.

"Put your belt on Rae, we need to get back to the station."

"Nope." Rae sat and continued to wait.

"I beg your pardon?" Steve's voice took on a tone of amazement. "What did you say?"

"I said … Nope." 

"Rae, this isn't funny, and even if it were, I am not in the mood to laugh." Steve could feel the anger he had been bottling up all morning coming to the surface.

"I have no intention of going back to the station with you, or anyone else, until we have had a talk." Rae placed her hand on Steve's arm but it was shrugged off.

"Rae, I told you to leave it, now I am warning you … don't go there." Steve started the engine and looked at her, and for a moment Rae's resolve wavered. The pure fury in her partner's eyes would have floored most people, but she wasn't most people, and she knew that they had to deal with whatever was eating at Steve right now.

"If you move away from the kerb I'll cite you myself. It's a violation of the Private Passenger Motor Vehicle Safety Act to carry a passenger who is not wearing a seatbelt, and I have no intention of putting my belt on until you agree to me driving, and us going somewhere private where we can talk. Steve…" Rae's voice took on a softer tone. "You have always been around when I needed you, let me be the same, let me help you."

For a second Steve's eyes held hers and she thought he was going to agree, but then the fury returned and he undid his own seatbelt, opened the door, got out, and stalked off. Rae moved over into the driver's seat, closed the door, put the belt round her and waited.

Once Steve got out of the car he realised that he didn't really have any place to go. They were about five miles from the station, and he didn't fancy the walk. He also knew that what Rae had said was true; she could help him … if only he could let her. Finally, after a couple of minutes, with a big sigh he turned back to his car, saw Rae in the driver's seat, and, with a tight smile, moved round and climbed in where she had recently been.

Rae waited for him to make himself comfortable without saying anything, but when he was ready to go she smiled at him, before drawing out into the traffic. Rae came out of Vesper Avenue onto Burbank Boulevard, but instead of heading back to the station she turned in the opposite direction, and after ten minutes, she pulled up into a quiet, but not deserted, parking lot on the edge of Encino and Bilboa Golf Course. She turned the engine off, slid the keys into her pocket and undid her seatbelt. "Ok, you can take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere." With that Rae leant back in the seat and closed her eyes.

Steve wasn't sure what he had expected, but Rae just sitting there, eyes shut, obviously relaxed, hadn't been near the top of his list. He realised however, that some time to gather this thoughts was exactly what he did need, and so he too leant back and, with his own eyes closed, began to formulate what he was going to say.

It was almost twenty minutes before Steve began to speak, and when he did his voice was so thick with emotion; it almost caused him to retreat back into silence.

"I guess I can't get my head around the fact that this is a cop."  Steve stopped. It had taken him twenty minutes and he didn't know what else to say.

"We're no different to other people, Steve; it's just that when we fall, we fall further and we fall harder and everyone is way more shocked." Rae didn't really want to speak. She wanted Steve to do the talking; it was the only way he would be able to deal with whatever was troubling him, but she had the feeling that he needed a gentle push to get him started. "Steve, forgive me, but why is this getting to you so much? I know it is, quite probably, the most disgusting case we have ever had to deal with, but you've been threatened before, so have I. Why has it got you so scared this time?"

Steve looked at her and wondered whether she did know him better than a lot of people in his life, perhaps not, he knew he didn't look scared and he hadn't said that he was. Steve shook his head, and as he did so he felt a hand cover his.

"There is no disgrace in admitting that you're scared, Steve. I don't know what I can say or do to help you until you open up to me, but I will be here for you, every step of the way, I promise you that." Rae squeezed his hand and smiled at him.

He didn't know what it was that did it, maybe the feel of her hand on his, or the smile that showed just how much she cared, but suddenly he knew that he could talk.

"How do I protect my family from the enemy … when I work with them? And not only my family, my friends too. Jesse, you, Alex, or Eliana and Anneya. Daniel, he just wanted a family, not to have to watch his back the whole time …" For a moment Steve closed his eyes. There were too many people involved in his life for him to take anything lightly or for granted any more. "Rae, when you arrived here, I could count my friends on the fingers of one hand, and my only family was my dad. I'd been threatened before, and it always worried me, but now … now, I guess I have more to lose. How do you think he would treat one of my friends? You, or Jesse, he cut Crosier's … arm off when he was still alive, if he got to Dad, or Amanda, or … or Jo, what would he do?" Steve's heart was beating so loudly he was sure that Rae could hear it.  "I'm not scared, I'm angry, if I had him in my sights right now … I'd kill him." Steve stopped. He was shouting, and that wasn't fair on Rae, as he tried to calm down he began to evaluate his feelings and realised with surprise that she was correct after all.  "Rae, I'm sorry, I shouldn't take it out on you … and you're right; I am scared, I'm so damn scared I can't think straight." Steve stopped talking again. He felt as if he was slowly coming apart.

Rae smiled at him before she spoke. "Hey, partner, if it helps yell and scream at me all you want, but I may be forced to return the favour."

Steve wanted to smile back, but he couldn't. Now that he had started to talk he had to keep going, there was more he had to say. "You know, he doesn't have to come near any of you, this is working just fine. I can't think about anything else, I can't sleep, because this … this guy is after me and mine, and … and he already started!"

"He already started? How do you mean?" Rae looked confused, and she could tell by the look on Steve's face that the realisation had only just struck him.

"Your car. He put the foot in your car."

"My God." Rae's voice came out as a whisper. She hadn't thought of the connection until he spoke, but slowly she began to realise that it may be a good thing.

"Maybe, Steve, he doesn't mean that he is going to take Mark, or Jesse, but that he is going to draw your friends into your case, whether you want them there or not. Ok, I was already involved, but not to the extent you were, now … well, now I may have to go buy a new car, and I am personally involved. I don't think that everybody needs to watch their backs so much as the trunk of their car, or their shopping cart."

The relief that went through Steve was enormous and for a moment he laid his head back on the car seat unable to do anything else. He had a feeling that Rae was right; finding a severed hand or arm was bad enough when you were paid to do it. But when you had your parents or wife or friends in the same position it was ten times worse but if it was a choice between that or one of them getting hurt he would take that, every time.

"I guess we're gonna have to sort out a way for everybody to keep a close eye on what's going on in their lives, huh?" Steve's voice was almost back to normal, and the anger had left his eyes. "But, you wouldn't seriously get rid of Tom would you? I thought you loved that car."

"Yeah, I do, but it had a foot under the driver's seat, Steve, ugh." Rae shuddered for a moment and considered. She hadn't gotten rid of Tom when Levington had vandalised it, and Steve still had his truck and he had found … well, he had found bits in that too. With a shake of her head Rae bought herself back to the matter at hand. "You know, they need to still watch their backs a little, but no more than they normally do." Rae was relieved to hear the change in her partner, and to see the way he had relaxed. "Steve, don't shut me out, I can help you, sometimes, but you have to let me in, ok?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry, it's not in my nature to share, well not this sort of thing, but I do know that you will help, and I really do appreciate it. Thank you, Rae." He leant across and kissed her gently on the top of the head. "I guess we had better get back to work, huh? I want to get home at a reasonable time tonight; David and Debbie are arriving today."

"Oh, yeah, I'd forgotten that, and I need to go shopping, I'm getting fed up with jeans that are about four inches too long for me, and shirts that look like I'm wearing someone else's clothes. I know I am but I'd rather no one else knew."

"I'll let you drive." Steve knew that he hadn't said much, but he still felt drained. 

"Oh, I already knew that, Lieutenant, I already knew that." With a smile that showed that they were ok again, Rae switched on the ignition, put the car into drive and headed back the way they had come. 

They had been driving along Burbank Boulevard for about ten minutes when Steve turned to her. Rae had set his mind at rest a little, and she was right, they all watched their backs the whole time anyway, they would be fine. "Would you really have ticketed me?"

"Oh yeah, I hate to see anyone driving along with passengers unbelted."

"But … but it was you who refused!" Steve knew that he sounded astonished, but that was because he was. They had been together over three years and she still had the ability to amaze him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The rest of their day had gone well. Steve had arranged for the ID pictures of all the cops in vice to be made available to Mrs Milton when she arrived at the station to get the sketch made up, but to no avail. 

They had tossed for who was going to see the Chief and Rae had lost, and so once everything was typed up and she could take a copy of their case file with her, Rae headed for the office that used to be hers.

"Good afternoon, Margaret, is the Chief in?" Rae knew that he was, she had made an appointment to see him so that they wouldn't be disturbed.

"Of course, Rae, he's waiting for you, you can go right in." The secretary smiled at her. Rae had spent a week showing her the ropes that she had only just learnt herself, and they had got on well.

"Thank you." Rae knocked and, hearing the distinctive voice of her boss, pushed open the door and entered.

"Ah, Rae, come in, come in. How are you today?"

"I'm fine, Sir, thank you, and yourself?"

"Yes, fine. Now, I have spoken to Captain Newman, at length I might add, he is very concerned about your thoughts on this case, as am I."

"I know Sir, Lieutenant Sloan and I are also very concerned, and we are treading very carefully. Nobody, apart from Crosier that is, has left Vice in the past year or so, we have nothing to go on except conjecture, and the fact that Steve told Martin Robertson and Don Werner that he was going to call on Crosier. We could be wrong."

"I see that you have your case file there, sit down, Rae, and let's go through this."

Rae spread out all the paperwork so that it was the right way up for the Chief to read and then waited while he cast his eyes over it all.

"Detective, I have to say that some of this 'evidence' is thin in the extreme, you will have to provide me with more than this if I am to authorise any investigation into the Vice Department." The Chief's voice was curt and Rae knew that she was about to step on the very fine line between respect and impertinence.

"Sir, I didn't say that we had evidence, I said that it was conjecture, we are sure of what we have, but we know that it isn't enough, not yet. All we can say for certain is that it could be any of the detectives in Vice. 

"Because of the head?"

"Because of the head…" Rae stopped talking for a minute. "We haven't had a letter about the head, why haven't we had a letter?" Rae began to think, and the more she thought the more she felt uneasy. "The letter about the foot hasn't arrived yet either, although that's not surprising, but we should have had the letter about the head." Rae was thinking out loud and the fact that she was standing in the Chief's office seemed to have slipped her mind. She looked at her boss as she leant over and touched a pencil and receiving a small nod picked it up and began to suck the end, then she made a couple of notes, itemising how the previous letters had been received, and as she began to chew on it she obviously thought of something else and began to write again.  

The Chief sat and watched as Rae began to work. He had seen her in the squad room totally oblivious to the rest of the world, as she thought through her ideas and put them on paper, but he hadn't realised how powerful her concentration was, or how total. The piece of paper in front of his officer began to fill up and he could see that it was a list of names. After about five minutes Rae looked up and smiled.

"Sorry, Sir, but I think that maybe one of the people on this list will have gotten the letter about the head." Rae turned the paper round and watched as her boss read the list. She had put both Christian and surnames but the Chief knew every person, by name if not personally, that she had written.

The list was, as far as Rae could think, everyone who would come under the heading of family and friends. She had started off with Jo, and Mark, after that the names had just flowed. Daniel, Michael, David, Jesse, herself, Eliana and Anneya, Alex and Shannon, Amanda, Ron, Dion and CJ, Cheryl and Martin. That was seventeen names, and she knew that if you went on to casual acquaintances it could get even longer.

Rae looked up and saw the clock. They had been at the crime scene in Van Nuys all morning, the detour to the golf course had taken up another hour and now it was just coming up to three o'clock. "Sir, I am really sorry, but I have to leave early today, I, um, I have no clothes to speak of, and I need to go and buy some." Rae felt embarrassed, she had a feeling that was more information that the Chief needed, but to her surprise he smiled.

"Rae, of course, I was so sorry to hear about your house, I trust that you and your family have found somewhere else to live." The Chief's voice was sympathetic, and Rae returned his smile with ease.

"Yes, thank you, Sir. Texas … Sorry, Jo Sloan had a house that she lets out and we are living there, we have signed a six month lease, but I think we will be staying there for a lot longer than that." Rae was amazed that she was having this conversation with Chief Masters, but he didn't seem in the least bored or uncomfortable with what she was saying. The time that she had spent working closely with him had been very enjoyable for her, and she guessed that, much to her surprise, he had felt that way too.

"So you are living where now?"

"Um, Beverley Hills. It's not somewhere I ever thought I would live, but well, I guess I'll cope!"

The Chief smiled once more, nodding as he did so. "I'm sure you will. You have proved yourself very adaptable so far."

"Ah, yes, thank you, Sir." Rae was finding the conversation more and more amazing, and she wasn't really sure how to respond.

"Rae, go and do your shopping, and if I don't see you before, I am sure that we will meet at Mrs Sloan's Charity Ball on Saturday evening."

Rae nodded her head as she began to gather all the paperwork together. "I hope you enjoy it, Sir, she has put a lot of work into it."

"Detective?" 

"Yes, Sir?"

"Are you going to take my pencil with you?" 

Rae felt a blush as it flooded her face, and she looked at the now bitten and chewed pencil in her hand. With an embarrassed smile she offered it to her boss.

"Mmm, on second thoughts, you may have it."

Rae nodded her gratitude then she turned and, with as much dignity as she could muster, fled his office.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had arrived home a little after five. He had spoken briefly with Rae when she had returned from the Chief's office, and agreed with her about the letter regarding the head.  Rae had also shown him the list of people she felt would be likely to receive either letters or actual bits and pieces. After a moment's thought Rae had crossed off her daughters and CJ and Dion. She knew that their parents would intercept anything sent to the children. Steve had then watched Rae head off on her enforced shopping spree and with a sigh he had begun to call all his friends and family, whom he knew he wouldn't get to see personally, to warn them of what might happen.

Steve parked his truck in the garage, made sure it was locked and secure and then entered the house in his usual way through the laundry room. There was nothing laid out for him to eat in the kitchen and he could tell that Michael wasn't in the frame of mind for small talk so he had headed into the hallway to find Daniel who told him in an extremely sullen voice that 'David and Debbie would be there in an hour, and both Michael and Jo were in crappy moods.' Steve had reprimanded him on his language, but on reflection, Steve didn't think he had ever seen the English man in such a state. As Daniel talked Steve heard something break in the kitchen, and a, mild by his own standards, curse being uttered.

Jo was stalking around like a lioness in a cage, and nothing he could say or do seemed to help, so in the end he had retired to the morning room to read the daily paper. He turned straight to the sports pages and for the next fifty minutes or so became absorbed in the results and reviews of all the midweek action. He could hear the sounds of his family around him, and gradually some of the feelings of the day receded into the background. Daniel had gone upstairs and the vibration of his music was making it feel as if the light fittings were moving, Michael seemed a little calmer in his kitchen, and Jo had disappeared outside to prune some of her shrubs, and once again the Sloan household seemed a friendlier place, but then the door bell rang.

Michael had just gone into the morning room to talk with Steve when they heard the chimes, and, knowing that their conversation would have to wait, he opened the patio doors so that Steve could put his head out.

"Jo, Honey, I think they're here."

Jo wiped her hands on her jeans and came in. "Oh great, Michael, did you count the silver?"

"Jo! Now stop it, she's a nice lady, David loves her, so she must be ok, and he was nothing but gracious to me, even when he didn't know me, just give her a chance."

Jo had nodded, and moved a little closer to Michael and with a sigh Steve had gone and opened the door himself. "Debbie, David, did you have a good trip?"

"Now, Steve, you know I told y'all to call me Debs." She playfully swatted at Steve's arm and then watched as Steve listened to David's reply.

"Yeah, not too bad, a little turbulence, but nothin' that the pilot couldn't handle. Jo, Honey, how are you?" David moved over towards his sister and swept her up in his arms. "Married life must be agreein' with you, you are lookin' wonderful."

"Thank you, an' yes it is, I just love it."

Debbie had given Steve a kiss on each cheek and had then sat carefully on the sofa that was positioned at the side of the staircase. 

Michael moved across towards David and waited politely for him to acknowledge his presence.

"Michael, it's good to see you." David turned with a smile on his face.

"Sir, the taxi driver has your bags shall I tip him for you?"

"Yeah, yeah, here you go now." David handed over a twenty dollar bill and Michael began to move towards the door, as he passed Debbie she reached out her hand.

"Now, I could do with some change, let me have that twenty, an' you can just give this to the driver." She handed over a ten-dollar bill, and put the larger one into her purse. Jo rolled her eyes, but said nothing.

Michael began to bring the bags into the hallway, and Debbie rose to her feet. "Jo, I think that I would like to go an' freshen up a little, if you could just show me the way?"

"Of course, Michael, could you bring the bags up to the Rose Room?"

"Certainly Madam, I will follow you up." Jo didn't normally use the formal names for the bedrooms but she always tried to remember to do so when David was around. For some reason he liked it. The Rose Room had been her and Steve's room, but she had successfully moved everything into the East Wing that afternoon.

Jo headed up the stairs, mentally counting to ten as she did so. Debbie had said or done nothing to annoy her yet, but she **was** annoyed, she couldn't help herself, and Jo knew that if she didn't pull herself together then she and Steve would have a fight, and she didn't want that to happen.

"Jo, what is that appallin' noise? Surely you don't like that music? It is a little young for you isn't it?" Debbie managed to wrinkle her nose, as if the music was accompanied by a putrid smell, and Jo was sure she visibly paled too.

"No, I don't like it, but Daniel does, an' he is doin' his homework right now, so he is allowed to have it on." Jo didn't explain, she knew that Debbie would leap right in, and she was right.

"Daniel? You have somebody else livin' here, an' you only just married? Why, who is he?"

"Daniel is a young boy that we are fosterin'. At the moment it seems to be goin' pretty well, an' I enjoy havin' him around the place." Jo smiled; she had no intention of going into any more details and so she moved into the Rose Room without another word.

"Well, now that's mighty community spirited of you. An' I guess it is lovely for the poor chil' to have such a wonderful home to live in, with everythin' he could ever want right at his fingertips."

"Debbie, he isn't here to live the high life, we want to give him some love an' stability. He had a rough start in life, an' we are helpin' him to have a future before it is too late, but that doesn't mean that we give him everythin' he wants. We get a set amount each week for havin' him, an' he gets an allowance out of that. Anythin' more has to be earnt."

"Well, pardon me!" Debbie looked down her nose at her hostess and was about to continue when there was a knock at the door.

"Michael, if that is you then come in." Jo called out to the figure behind the door, and then turned to her guest.

"I will leave you to get freshened up an' sorted out. We will be in the mornin' room when you are ready to rejoin us."

Jo left the room, managing to keep the heavy sigh in until she knew she was out of earshot, and then she headed for the stairs.

Michael placed the first of two suitcases on the special stand and left the other one standing upright next to it. "If that is all, Madam, dinner will be served in half an hour."

"No, Michael, that is not all. Surely you don't expect me to unpack my own suitcases? Good grief man, you wouldn't last a day in my house, let alone the amount of time you have been slackin' around here. I want my dresses hung in …" Debbie began opening closet doors, until she found one with a mirror on the back of it. "This one, pants an' shirts can go in the one next to it. The smaller suitcase has all my delicates in it. I would like them as I put them on, top drawer, middle an' bottom, in this chest." Debbie pointed to a set of three drawers next to the dressing table.  "An' I will expect everythin' to be done by the time I have had my bath." With that she picked up a small vanity case and disappeared into the en-suite bathroom, leaving Michael standing almost open mouthed at her cheek.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dinner had been over for just about a half hour when the phone rang out in the hallway. Jo listened as Michael went to answer it, hoping against hope that it would be for her and not Steve. She didn't think she could face the rest of the evening without the presence of her husband. 

"Good evening, Sloan residence… Yes, Madam … no, I am sure that will be fine… thank you, Madam … if you will just hold the line." Michael put the receiver down on the telephone table and walked quietly up to his employer. "Madam, Mrs Travis is on the phone for you. Do you wish to take it in the hallway?"

Jo smiled. If Rae called for Steve then Detective Yeager would be on the phone, but if she phoned for her then Mrs Travis was the name Michael always used. "Michael, thank you, an' yes I'll take it in the hallway." Jo got to her feet and went straight to the phone.

"Rae, Honey, how are you…? Oh, I'll just bet you had a wonderful time; I would have loved to have been with you… No, I can't tonight, but tomorrow, I'll come an' have a look tomorrow…Oh my … no, he didn't, we didn't get a change to talk before David an' _Debs _arrived… No, Honey, no, trust me it's fine … I will talk with him tonight, no, I won't take any chances, you know I am always careful… You too, I'll see you soon." Jo put the phone down and with a concerned look in her eyes moved back into the morning room and straight over to her husband's chair. "Steve, Sweetheart, could I have a quick word?"

"Yeah sure, here is fine isn't it?" Steve looked at her, she didn't seem deeply upset, and he was comfortable where he was.

Wishing that he would leave the room, but knowing he didn't want to, Jo began to talk. "Honey, Rae just called, an' she told me about your day, I am so sorry, I didn't even ask when you arrived." Jo had tried to keep her voice down but both David and Debbie heard her.

With a sigh Steve looked at the other people around the table. He could see that David looked concerned, but Deb's was curious. He recognised the reactions; they were ones he faced every day. With a mental shrug he prepared himself to involve all these people in his case, he hadn't wanted to go into details now, tonight, but he guessed he had no choice.

"Jo, sit down, I need to talk to all of you… No, Michael, please stay. This will concern you as well." Steve had seen the butler take a couple of discreet steps towards the door.

"Very good, Sir. If that is what you wish."

"This concerns my friends and family, Michael, you are in the unique position of being both, as far as I am concerned." Steve had smiled at the Englishman and had been amused to see that he had actually confused him.

"Thank you, Sir." Michael regained his composure almost immediately, but he knew that the Lieutenant had seen that his words unsettled him.

"Rae and I are working on a very disturbing case at the moment, I won't go into details, but we both feel that there is a possibility that my friends and family could be … on the receiving end of some very distasteful items, or letters." Steve paused. He knew that he would have to tell them what sort of items, he just wasn't sure quite how to word it.

"Honey, Rae told me a little about what you decided today, but I think you are gonna have to tell David an' Debbie what sort of things you are talkin' about." Jo had moved around, so that she could place her hand over that of her husband, to encourage him to continue and, with a smile of gratitude in her direction, he did just that.

"I call it the Todd Case; I have been receiving letters from a person signing himself S. Todd. Rae, on the other hand…" Steve stopped talking and shuddered as he realised what he had said … "Rae, calls it the bits and pieces case."

"Why would she do that? I guess it must have somethin' to do with her British sense of humour." Debbie looked over at Steve, interest shining in her eyes, and a laugh in her voice.

"I think so. It helps her to cope, and believe me she needs it right now… The Todd Case is a double homicide investigation. We know the identity of one of the victims now, although we didn't a couple of days ago.  We are getting the victims bit by bit." Steve stopped. There didn't seem to be any more to say.

"Bits? You are gettin' bits of the victims, you mean, like a hand, or a foot?" David's tone was one of absolute amazement, and Steve could see that Debbie had gone a delicate shade of green.

"Yes, that is exactly what I mean." Steve's tone was grim, and he knew that it was going to get even grimmer.

"But, Steve, Honey, how are we involved in that? We are just visitin' after all. David, I know you want to stay, but if there is danger, you are a very powerful man an' all."

Jo felt her heart leap in her chest, and felt instantly guilty, but maybe, just maybe she could get rid of this woman after only one night. 

"No, if Jo is in danger, an' I am guessin' here, but she would be the one in most danger, yes?" David looked across at Steve.

"I don't know. Ron Wagner, Rae and I are working on a profile of the guy, but we need the head letter…" Steve trailed off, knowing he had probably said too much.

"Head? One of the bits was a head, oh, how can you do such a disgustin' job?" Debbie's voice had risen in anguish.

"It's a good thing that there are people like him an' Rae around or there would be anarchy. He is just tryin' to protect you; not start a discussion on his choice of career." Jo stood up and moved over to the French doors that led from the dining room out onto the patio. She knew that if what Steve said about friends and family were true she was in danger from this lunatic but she didn't need anybody else to mention it.

"Look, just listen to me and then we can change the subject. Yes, we have a head, which is how we know who the man is. Every time we get a body part we get a letter. Now, that is something that hasn't been released to the press, so it stays in this room. Daniel?" Steve looked across as his foster son.

"Well, gee, '_Dad'_ I don't know, think you can trust me?"

"Yes, Son, I do. If I didn't I would have asked you to leave before I started talking." Steve held the young man's defiant gaze until Daniel looked away.

"Oh. Yeah, Steve, I won't say anything, I promise."

Michael walked over to where Steve was sitting and spoke for a moment quietly to him.

"Ok, I'll come and see it, Jo; could you get Rae on the phone and ask her to come over? Right now if she could." Steve's voice was grave once more, and his demeanour had changed totally. David and Debbie could now see how Lieutenant Sloan differed from Steve Sloan.

"Sure, right away, somethin' has happened, here, today, hasn't it?"

Michael looked at Steve and seeing him nod slightly began to speak. "I received some mail this morning, Madam; I believe it to be pertinent to the case we have been discussing." 

Jo glared at Debbie as she heard her snigger into her hand. "I'll get on it right away."

Steve followed Michael through into the kitchen, and saw, in a plastic food bag an open envelope, with a letter next to it. As he moved closer to it he heard Jo on the phone in the hallway.

"Jesse, hi, Honey, I'm real sorry to break into your evenin' an' all, but we need Rae over here right now… No, nothin' to do with Saturday, but she needs to be Detective Yeager… Sure, you can bring 'em if you would like… bye." Jo put the phone down and made her own way to the kitchen. "She is comin' right over, Jesse an' the girls are comin' too, I hope that's all right."

"Yeah, this won't take long."

One of the advantages of Rae and Jesse living two doors down the road became apparent as the doorbell rang almost immediately. Michael left his kitchen and moved over to answer it. "Detective Yeager, Doctor Travis, please come in. Madam, the Lieutenant is in the kitchen, Sir, the family are in the dining room."

"Thank you, Michael. Rae, if you need me just call, ok?" Jesse had Anneya in his arms and Eliana was now toddling off to find her Aunty Jo. With a smile Rae heard voices from the dining room as she turned towards the kitchen.

"Well, now aren't you the sweetest thing, you have just grown so much since I last saw you…"

Rae frowned as Eliana started to wail, shrieking unhappily at the top of her lungs, but she knew from the voices she heard that Jo, David, and Debbie were with her, and Jesse would be there soon.  If the four of them couldn't amuse one unhappy little girl for the few minutes it took her to look at Michael's letter, then Eliana was crying just because she wanted her mother, and the tears would miraculously disappear as soon as she could join them and her daughter in the morning room.

Rae pushed open the door to the kitchen, and was in full police mode by the time it swung shut behind her. "Steve, Michael, what have you got?"

"We have the head letter." Steve knew he didn't need to say very much else.

"Sent here, to your house?" Rae knew that it had to be a cop, or someone who worked for the city. Like all cops Steve kept his address a carefully guarded secret.

"Yep, to Michael, well, to 'The Butler' I guess people know I have one, they just don't know who he is."

"That could let Martin off the hook couldn't it? He knows Michael."

"Or it could mean that he is just being very clever, and hoping we will think that." Steve stopped talking and Rae could tell that he was processing what had just happened. With a feeling of dejection beginning to overwhelm him he began to speak again. "No, I think that we still don't have one vice cop we can trust." Steve's voice came out so despondently that, even though Michael was in the room, Rae moved over and took his hand.

"No, I don't either." Rae thought for a moment about the men she knew worked in vice, most of them were just ordinary looking guys. "There is one who stands out, Don Werner, but Mrs Milton didn't say that the driver was black did she?" Steve shook his head and with a sigh Rae continued. "I have to say that even if Don wasn't black he would still stand out, he is a man mountain but she said he was crouched down ... I don't think we can rule anybody out, sorry, Steve…" Rae felt her partner grip her hand just for a second and she hurriedly continued speaking. "What did the letter say?"

Steve let go of her hand then and picked up the bag by its corner and began to read.

_Stevie,_

_I know that this will reach you. A butler. Imagine! Did you get this given to you on a silver platter? Maybe I should serve the next pieces that way. _

_I have something to confess – no, not that, would you like me to? Ok, Officer, arrest me, I am cutting people up and leaving them everywhere. Will that do?_

_I was going to send you an ear. You will hear from me, remember? But when I knew you were going to our beloved vice detective's house, well, I just couldn't help it; I guess I got a bit a head of myself._

_But I have decided to up the stakes, to make it more fun. Who will I target next? Who knows? Is there a pattern to what I plan to do? Who knows that either?_ _I guess you will just have to keep watching and waiting._

_You are a popular guy; I think I have plenty of potential victims._

_The game is afoot._

_S. Todd._

Rae and Steve looked at each other and then over at Michael.  "I'm guessing that you touched this before you realised what it was, so we'll need your fingerprints to eliminate you from our suspect list." Steve felt embarrassed to even suggest such a thing to his butler, a man he respected deeply.

"Unless …" Rae's voice was thoughtful, but the look on her face told both men that she didn't like what she was thinking, she didn't like it at all.

"Unless what?" Steve had a feeling he wasn't going to like it either.

Rae turned away for a moment, and they could tell that she was having trouble coming to terms with what she had just realised.

"Rae?" Steve moved over and put a hand on each shoulder and then he gently turned her round.

"Leave me a minute, Steve." Rae sat at the kitchen table and took out her pad and a pencil, slowly she began to write, and Steve and Michael could see that she was writing a list. Finally after about five minutes she handed her page to Steve and watched as he read it. After he had done so once he began again, but this time out loud.

"Ok, I'll read this again, and then you can tell me what it is. "'Daniel, Michael, David, Jesse, you, Alex and Shannon, Amanda, and Ron, Cheryl and Martin.'  Those I saw before, and now you added 'Chief Masters, Captain Newman, Don Werner, Martin Robinson, Gary Harnell, Carlos Montoya, Leroy Raab, Leighton Vale, Alison Royle, Cheryl Banks', Rae what is this? And why have you got Martin and Cheryl on here twice?"

For a moment Rae said nothing, and when she did speak it came out as a whisper. "A list of possible suspects."


	34. Memories and Mysteries

**Memories and Mysteries**

Steve stood in the kitchen and stared at his partner. For a moment he couldn't think of anything to say, but then he seemed to explode.

"What? You think that Cheryl, or the Chief, or Newman, not to mention all the other people on that list, are capable of doing something like this? Leroy and Carlos, I worked with them, and they're still friends, and Leighton, we've known each other for years." 

"But it has to be somebody who knows what you do, when you're busy, when you aren't, it has to be somebody who knows your movements well." Rae found herself looking towards the English butler as she spoke and she quickly turned away, but Steve saw what she was doing.

Steve shook his head in disbelief, and when he spoke again he barely managed to keep the anger out of his voice. "Oh, come on ,Rae; consider what you have just said and done."

Rae found that she was unable to meet his gaze, and she turned away from him. "I'm sorry, I … I guess it's got me so rattled, I'm not thinking straight." Rae considered for a moment, and then she turned to the Englishman standing quietly on the other side of the kitchen, "Michael, I'm sorry, I was wrong, I shouldn't have done that."

"Done what, Madam?" Michael smiled at her, and Rae knew that the moment was passed as far as he was concerned. "If you will excuse me I will check that all is well in the morning room."

As Michael left Rae looked towards her partner, but he turned away, so she moved until she was in front of him, and then she placed a hand on each arm. "Steve, I'm sorry. It's just …" Rae stopped talking almost as soon as she started and let her hands fall and then she looked away. For the first time since she had met him Rae had no idea what to say.

Steve watched Rae struggle with her emotions, and felt his annoyance and disgust at what she had said ebb away. She had always been able to think things out beforehand when she worked in London, the urgency with which they seemed to have to work hadn't been a problem then, and he knew that if she'd had time to reflect on any or all of this first she would never had said what she did. With a quiet understanding of how she was feeling Steve reached out and gently touched her shoulder. "Rae?"

Steve heard a grateful sigh as Rae turned to him and took his hand between her own, "I'm sorry, Steve, I'm so sorry."

"Leave it, Rae, this has got us both upset. We're talking about people we love finding things that nobody should ever have to see, or getting letters about them. We just have to double our efforts and catch him before he can scare anybody else."

"Yeah, I know, but even if we think it's a vice cop we aren't certain are we …?  No, that's wrong; it has to be one of them because of the head. Oh, dammit, Steve, I hate this, I hate it for you, for everybody on that list, for the two people he has killed, even that slimy worm Crosier…" Rae suddenly stopped talking and Steve could tell that her mind was racing. She moved over and sat down at the kitchen table once again, pulling her notebook and a pencil back towards her as she did so.

"I need to write this down, and Amanda has probably already thought about it and figured it all out but … if you are missing for as long as Crosier was, which was about a year wasn't it?" Rae looked to Steve for confirmation and got a nod and an encouraging smile. "Why would there be flies and maggots? They should have been gone; they would have eaten all the food long ago, and left. And the head, it was in a freezer, a working freezer, if he wasn't there, why were all his services still connected? Someone has been keeping that house running. The grass was cut, the front garden was tidy, that is not consistent with someone who has been missing that long. And, let's face it, if somebody chopped your arm off, you are not gonna be doing yard work." Rae stopped talking and leant back in the chair. She knew that she hadn't eased their problems any, in fact she had probably made things worse.

Steve had sat down as Rae had been speaking, and now he watched as she began to make some notes. He didn't say anything, not wanting to break her concentration, but to his surprise she began to speak again.

"We need to get on to his service providers for water, gas, electricity. There must be bills somewhere, but I sure didn't find them, if I had, I would have, hopefully, thought of this earlier… You know there were no bank statements either. That house had been gone through before we got there… Dammit!" Rae banged her fist down on the table. "We're being played for fools here.  You are being played for a fool, and you're too good a cop to have that happen to you." Rae stopped talking, suddenly embarrassed by what she had said.

Steve smiled and then carried on her previous train of thought. "Thank you… So, we need to find his bank, that won't be so hard, we'll just get a court order and hit Payroll, and then we can go to his branch and find out the information on the companies we need to visit. But we can't do that until the morning, so put your book away, and let's go join the others for a little while, ok?"

Rae just nodded, but she did as he had suggested, and together they walked towards the morning room. As they pushed the door open they could see Eliana playing on the rug with a ladies purse, Rae smiled, but knew that she would need to rescue it before her daughter discovered lipstick or money. It was all the same to her and usually ended up in her mouth.

As she moved towards her, the little girl looked up. "Momma." Eliana smiled at her mother, until she realised what she was going to do. "No! Mine!"

"No, Honey, I think it is probably Debbie's, because I don't think that Aunty Jo has a purse like this, now, it is time to give it back. Please." Rae held her hand out, and her daughter shook her head angrily, sending all her curls bouncing back and forth as she did so. 

"No! Mine… Yana's." Two big tears appeared in her eyes, and her lip began to quiver.

"Rae, it's all right, there's nothin' in there that I can't replace real easy. Let the little angel play if she wants. An' I have told you, Debs is just fine." 

"Debs, you are being very kind, but she will put things in her mouth, and that could be a little dangerous."

"Oh, ok then, let's see if she will let me take it back." Debbie got up and moved across towards the little girl, who instantly began to scream, and, the purse forgotten, rushed at her mother with all her might.

"Well, it wasn't quite the reaction I had in mind, but I guess it did the trick." Debbie put all her things back into her purse, wiping each one on a tissue as she did so. They had been Eliana's first casualty and were spread all over the rug.

"Oh, I don't know, I can understand it myself." Jo spoke in a low voice, but it travelled, and both David and Steve glared at her. "What did you find out? I'm guessin' that Michael received somethin' meant for you, yes?" Jo hurriedly changed the subject to cover her embarrassment, she hadn't meant for her words to be heard by anyone.

"We were one letter missing, and now we aren't. I think we could be in for a long day tomorrow." It was Rae who spoke, and the regret in her voice was obvious.

"Oh, no, Rae, Honey, you were supposed to be helpin' me with all the final preparations for the ball. It won't be nearly so much fun without you." Jo moved a little closer to her friend, and the sadness in her eyes showed Rae just how much she had been looking forward to it.

"Well, I will be at a bit of a loss, I know that David is playin' golf with some of his colleagues in the mornin' I would just be delighted to help you… It would give us a chance to get to know each other a little better." Debs smiled at Jo, a look of expectancy on her face.

"Well, gee, _Debs,_ I don't know, I'll have to think about it." Jo could feel her heart falling faster than a broken elevator. 

"I think it's a wonderful idea, I want you an' Debs to be friends, just as Steve an' I have become friends." David had his arm around his girlfriend, and the smile on his face tore at Jo's heart.

"Ok, thank you, _Debs_, that would be lovely." Jo hoped that her words didn't sound as forced as they actually were.

Rae moved across and touched her friend on the arm. "Texas, I'm really sorry, but I promise, Saturday I am yours. Anything you want doing I will be here. Neither Steve nor I are working, and nothing short of an imminent arrest will get us anywhere near the station."

"Honey, thank you, but Saturday everythin' will be in the hands of the caterers, an' fate. I will be finished. All the auction items will have been collected or delivered by the mornin' an' the rooms will be decorated while I … while we are there tomorrow so that I can make sure that everythin' is ok. Then it is just a case of callin' anybody who said they were comin' but haven't paid for their ticket to find out if they still plan to attend." Jo paused for a moment, checking her mental list of things to do. "Saturday, I have appointments with the hairdresser, the dressmaker to pick up my gown, an' the manicurist. I don't even plan to turn my cell phone on, that way they have to go through Michael, but thank you anyway."

"That's all right. I have to go and buy a new dress, and Jesse needs a new tux, so I guess I will be kinda busy myself on Saturday morning."

"You don't have a dress yet, Rae? My, that is cuttin' it mighty close. I don't think I would be able to sleep if I didn't know exactly what I was wearin' way ahead of time. Why on earth have you been dilly-dallyin' so long?" Debs shook her head, a shocked look on her face.

"I did have a dress, a beautiful dress, but it was lost in the fire, along with everything else. I just haven't had time to go and replace it yet." Rae grew wistful as she spoke. She still had to write out the list of the things that had been destroyed for the insurance adjustor, but she was putting it off, knowing that it would really bring home to her just how much she had lost.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go upsettin' you. It must have been awful, losin' everythin' like that. Jo told us about what happened. My home is just so precious to me; I don't think I could bear to lose anythin' at all from it." Debbie wasn't looking at Rae as she spoke, but the two small children on the rug and so she didn't see the look of anguish that clouded her features.

Jesse had been watching his wife, and he moved across to her as he saw her response. "Shhh, it's ok. We're still all together, and that is the most important thing."

"I know, and I'm sorry. I mustn't let it get to me." Rae took a deep breath and tried to get herself under control. "Steve, Texas, we need to get the girls home to bed, I'll see you in the morning, partner, I'll get in for eight, and then we can get ready for our busy day."

Steve had also seen the result of Debbie's words and he smiled. "Sure, don't worry, I'll see you then…  No, hold on, you'll need a lift won't you?"

"Oh, of course, yes, please, I'll be ready just after seven then."

"Why, what happened?" Texas looked across at the two detectives, wondering why they would be travelling together.

"They found a foot in Tom, he's being held at the impound yard right now." Rae shuddered. "I was going to get a new car, but I think I'll stick with it for a little longer. If our suspicions are anywhere near the truth then I won't give him the satisfaction of thinking he got me to change my vehicle."  Rae's voice was a little shaky and Jesse placed his arm round her.

"Come on, Rae, leave it tonight, let's go home and switch off for a little while, ok?"

Rae just nodded, and then she crouched down in front of Eliana. "Sweetie, it's time to go, say bye bye to Auntie Jo and Uncle Steve."

Eliana got to her feet and taking her mother's hand looked up, "Bye, Unki Teve, Anti Jo." Then she grinned and began to toddle towards the door, pulling Rae with her.

"I guess I'm going then! Bye all." Rae smiled and then let herself be taken out towards the front door.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse came down from putting his two daughters to bed, hoping that Rae had done what he had told her to and put her feet up in the living room with a magazine, but as he got closer to the door he could hear her crying, and with a heavy heart he hurried towards the sound.

"Rae, Honey, what is it?" Jesse took her into his arms, and her sobbing increased. "Baby, what's the matter?" Knowing that she was unable to answer him he looked around hoping to get an idea of what had started her crying, and there on the table was a piece of paper, and Jesse could see that she had begun to make the list of all the things that they had to replace.

Slowly Rae began to calm down, and finally through gulps and more tears she began to speak. "I … I didn't realise … what we had … lost, Jess… everything is gone…" The tears began again, and Jesse carefully helped her to her feet and moved over to the sofa that was in the room, then he sat down, easing her with him.

"Shhh, Rae, I am so sorry, but, Honey, you shouldn't have to work this out by yourself, this is something we need to do between us, and all the time you need to remember that we are still together, and our two most precious things are upstairs, right now, fast asleep. Nothing matters as much as that."

Slowly Rae smiled, "I know, Jess, but there were so many memories there. All our wedding photos are gone, the video, pictures of Eliana and Anneya when they were born, even the letter I sent you from The Willows that you liked so much."

Jesse smiled and shook his head. "Oh, no, that I still have." He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and took a folded and dog-eared piece of paper from it. "I don't really need it any more, I know it off by heart, but well, I was just so thrilled to receive it, I have kept it with me ever since."

Rae kissed him gently on the lips, as the tears began to dry on her cheeks. "Read it to me, Jess, I don't remember what I wrote."

"Ok. Here goes.

_My darling Jesse,_

_I don't think I have ever written you a letter before, I guess because we have always been together, which is probably why I am finding this time apart so hard._

_I wanted to write to tell you how you have been in my thoughts for the whole time I have been here, your picture is on my nightstand, and I just wish it could talk to me, help me when things hurt, raise a hand to brush away my tears, to say something silly and irreverent to make me smile and laugh. All the things you do, probably without thinking, to make my life so full. _

_I don't think I have ever realised before just what you do each day to make me feel so special, so loved, so a part of a couple, a family, but these past weeks I have begun to see how effortless you make it, but how much love and care is always put into everything you do._

_Jesse, I have sent you to hell and back over the last three years, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that without you I wouldn't have stayed alive and sane._

_I know I have to stay here, to finish the work I have started, but I also know that if it is all for nothing and I come back and am still dependent on you, still bad tempered, grouchy and still not a cop you'll smile, give me a hug and help to make it better. _

_Whatever happens, one part of my life has, ever since I arrived in America, been a constant delight, if the rest of it collapses I will still have you, our daughter, and the baby I am carrying, and that will have made everything I have ever done worthwhile._

_I love you Jess,_

_Rae_

"I just love it, Rae, it made me feel so wonderful when I received it, and when I have a bad day, or a case that isn't working out, I read it, and then I can go and carry on again. Thank you."

Rae smiled at her husband and kissed him gently on the lips. "Wanna go and try out another bedroom?"

Jesse grinned back at her and took her by the hand. "Oooh, I think I could be persuaded!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve and Jo didn't get a chance to be alone together until they were both in their new bedroom in the East Wing. Jo made herself comfy in the seemingly enormous bed and watched as her husband got himself ready to join her. First of all he just walked about barefoot as he made sure he had everything for the morning, and then, stripping off his clothes as he went, he headed for the bathroom, and she heard the shower start up.

Five minutes later he came back into the room, grabbed a clean pair of shorts, climbed into them, and then, with a smile in her direction, got in beside her.

"That woman, she just doesn't know when to quit." Jo had obviously been ready to explode for a while, and before Steve could even give her a kiss she started to talk.

"Who? What woman, Jo, Honey, you've lost me already." Steve shook his head, he had hoped that Jo had waited for him so that they could at least have a kiss and a cuddle before they went to sleep, but he guessed she had other things on her mind.

"_Debs,_ you saw how she upset Rae, but did she notice, no, not her, so desperate to hog the conversation, an' she should have been lookin' at who she was talkin' to, not, 'those sweet angels', bleugh!"

"Bleugh?" Steve laughed, despite himself, and got a look of disgust from his wife for his troubles.

"She just kept blatherin' away, you noticed that Rae was gettin' upset, I did, so did Jesse, so why couldn't she? Stupid woman!"

"Jo, leave it, I know you don't like her, but I get the feeling that you wouldn't like any woman that David brought here. She was probably talkative because she was nervous. Just try to get to know her, and you'll find she's fine, I'm sure. You have a great chance to do that tomorrow."

"Oh, don't remind me! There is more chance of me flyin' to the moon an' back than becomin' friends with that, that, that woman." Jo knew that it was a lame finish but she was tired and really didn't want to talk about her any more.

"Mmm, well, I think she's nice, she's friendly, and David loves her, so you are gonna have to do something about making sure you and she get along."

"No, I don't, she's just plain awful, I don't know why but I just know I'm right, now go to sleep, I have nothin' else to say." Jo looked at him, hoping that he would take her in his arms instead, but he did as he was told, and turning his back to her made himself comfortable and drifted off to sleep.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae made sure that she was at Steve's front door at seven the following morning, not wanting to be the one keeping anybody waiting. As she rang the doorbell she heard Michael's footsteps across the hallway.

"Good morning, Detective Yeager, the Lieutenant is waiting for you in the morning room. Have you eaten, Madam?"

"Yes, thank you, Michael, I had a yoghurt drink and an apple." Rae laughed as she saw the look of disgust on the butler's face. "You know that is about what Jesse thinks of it too. But I have eaten it for years, and I'm not going to stop now."

Steve, hearing the voice of his partner, came out of the morning room and moved over to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. As he did so Debbie came down the stairs.

"Well, good mornin' Rae, Steve, Honey, I guess you two are off to fight the world of crime an' evil then?"

"Something like that. How are you, Debs?" Rae smiled, the accent was so strong when Debbie spoke, that it made Texas sound as if she was born and bred in LA. "Debbie, I wanted to thank you for stepping in and helping Texas out today. I was so looking forward to it, but real life has to come first, unfortunately. I feel much better about it, knowing that she won't be alone."

"It's my pleasure. David wants me to get to know her better, an' I want that too. I have no plans to be leavin' David any time soon, an' she is the only family that he has. It is important to me that we get on as well as we can." Debbie smiled and flicked her long blonde curls back over her shoulder.

"Rae, Honey, we need to get going, there is a lot to do before we can get on to the payroll department, including getting a door-to-door done to find out why Crosier's house was so well tended, and if anyone saw someone arrive there with a head under his arm!"

Rae rolled her eyes and pulled a face as she heard him, and then, seeing that she looked a little green, smiled across as Debbie. "He's such a slave driver, but I wouldn't want to work with anybody else. Take care, we'll see you later."

With that Rae and Steve turned and moved across to the doorway, and Debbie stood, a satisfied smile on her face, and watched them leave.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae sat at the computer and read through what she had written. She still didn't think that they had a strong enough case to get the Chief to agree to an investigation into the members of the Vice Squad, but she knew that before the day was out she would have to present what they had to him. Maybe the utility companies would provide them with something more to go on. As she sat there scanning her words she was aware of someone standing behind her and she turned to see Cheryl waiting to speak with her.

"Hey, Cheryl, what can I do for you?" Rae smiled at her friend, but then she saw the detective's face change from one of friendliness to one of anger.

"You think someone in Vice is responsible for this?" Her words were full of surprise, and not a little anger. "What proof do you have?"

"Cheryl, just hold on a minute. First of all, I would never read a report over your shoulder unless we were working together, and I would really rather you didn't do it again."

"I didn't read it, I just saw the word vice and … and well, then I guess I did read it, sorry." Cheryl had the grace to look embarrassed but she was still angry.

"Mmm, and yes, we think that someone in Vice is responsible, but if you say anything, to Martin or anyone else, you'll scare him off. I need you to promise me that you won't do that." Rae had turned in her chair and was now looking at her friend with an extremely serious expression on her face.

"You think Martin could do this?" Cheryl's face reflected her fury but she managed to keep her voice down, not wanting anybody else to hear what she was saying. "He is a kind, gentle man, and you think that he could … could cut someone up, you are wrong, you are so wrong."

"I want to be wrong, but I have no proof and no idea when exactly these things are left to be found. Nobody is gonna have an alibi worth squat, because we have no tight timeframe. Do I think he could do it? Well, I don't know. You thought I'd murdered three people and tried to kill two more, so you tell me!" Rae's voice had got louder and louder, and she spat her final accusation at Cheryl, stood up, sending the computer chair skating across the floor and headed for the stairs. "If anyone wants me I will be seeing how my door-to-door went!"

Steve, who had been to check with Margaret what time it would be best to take their notes to the Chief came back into the squad room to see Cheryl sit down at her desk and begin slamming and banging anything and everything there that would make a noise, and Rae disappear down the stairs into the main entrance hall of the precinct. He looked around for some sort of enlightenment and was relieved when Ben Chapman came over to stand with him.

"Ah, I think that you may have to either catch up to your partner or work on your own for a while. Rae and Cheryl just had a short but very un-sweet conversation."

"Oh, great, just what I need. Ok, thanks, Ben." Steve let out a long sigh, and considered his next step.

"Hey, any time, Steve." Ben turned and headed back to his desk, raising his eyes to the heavens as he did so. His own partner, Sam Yip smiled at him as she carried on with her work. Everybody in homicide knew that Rae and Steve had two particularly gruesome cases at the moment, and they were all extremely glad that they hadn't taken the call on either of them. 

Cheryl looked up and glared at Steve as he moved over towards her desk. "So, **Lieutenant**, do you think that Martin is a homicidal maniac as well?"

"Oh, come on, Cheryl, what do you expect me to say to that? We have to go on the evidence we have, you know that. We haven't accused anybody of anything because we aren't sure yet, but there are some things that point in difficult directions…" Steve paused for a minute knowing that something was wrong with this conversation. "I can't believe that Rae would have discussed this with you, she knows how important confidentiality is right now, so what happened?" Steve had both hands on Cheryl's desk and she moved back, suddenly she found her old partner very threatening.

"Nothing happened." Cheryl tried to look away, but the cold stare in Steve's blue eyes held her and she found she couldn't break free. "All right, I read over her shoulder, and I saw what she had put in your report."

"So now you know why it is not good to have a partner who works in the same station as you do. What are you gonna do, Cheryl? Tell him, or keep quiet? You know you could blow our case right out of the water. As far as we know, no one in Vice has any idea that we suspect them. We would like to keep it that way for as long as possible." Steve stood up, and saw Cheryl relax a little.

"I have no choice do I? Yes, I will keep quiet, but you are wrong, Martin has nothing to do with this, and if he thought that any of his colleagues were involved I know he would have told me." Cheryl stood up, she couldn't continue the conversation any further, and so she walked over to the coffee machine, and once she had poured herself a cup she stood where she was and began to drink.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo and Debbie arrived at the Beverly Hills Hotel, on Wilshire Boulevard, just after eleven, Jo and Steve had decided that it would be best for all of them to actually stay in the hotel for a couple of nights and so, once Jo had registered, they left their bags with the valet, and sat in the extremely luxurious surrounds of the lobby to await the arrival of the manager, who would take them to the room that had been booked for the ball. The room was used during the day as a conference facility, but it would be an elegant and sophisticated location for the Josephine Sloan Masked Fundraising Ball. Debbie looked around her and smiled. 

"Oh my, this is just a beautiful place. You know they filmed '_Pretty Woman'_ here. I don't suppose you have any stars comin' tonight; you don't seem to mix with those types of people."

"No, nobody famous, just people who want to donate some money to charity and have a good time as well. An' I am not at all interested in the type of people you think I should meet with." Jo tried to keep her tone friendly, but she knew she had failed.

"Well, excuse me, I didn't mean to offend you, it's just … well, never mind, let's just get started on this; I am real excited to see what you have planned."

Jo wanted to find out what _Debs_ was hinting at, but saw the manager of the hotel coming across to meet her and turned her back on the woman, a smile now on her face as she waited to speak with the man who had helped her enormously so far.

"Mr. Haynes, how are you today?"

"I am very well, Mrs Sloan, and yourself? Getting a little excited I would imagine. It is going to be a wonderful evening." The manager was all that Jo expected him to be. Dapper, with slicked back hair and very shiny shoes.

"Well, I have to admit to a few butterflies. Mr. Haynes, this is Debbie Gardiner, she has kindly offered to help me, because Mrs Travis has had to work."

"I am very pleased to meet you Ms Gardiner; your friend has done a wonderful job so far."

Debbie smiled and shook the manager's hand. "I am sure that she has, an' I am just so anxious to see it all comin' together."

"Well, ladies, if you would like to follow me."  With a flamboyant gesture Mr. Haynes directed the two women down one of the beautiful hallways towards the Sunset Ballroom.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Once Rae had checked with the desk about her door-to-door, the results of which weren't back yet, she left the station house and gradually began to calm down. She knew that she owed Cheryl an apology for what she had said to her, but she also knew that the other detective was in the wrong for reading over her shoulder. With a sigh Rae realised that she didn't have the luxury of time to spend in a blue funk and she really should be getting on. Not wanting to go back into the building straight away Rae headed round to the impound yard to see what was happening with her car. She could see Tom looking little and lonely at the back of the area reserved for any vehicle in an ongoing investigation and looked around for somebody to ask about it.

As she got closer to her vehicle she saw someone crouching down next to it and moved a little nearer, realising as she did so that even though he was wearing the overalls of a police mechanic the man wasn't testing her car, but trying to break into it. "Hey, what are you doing?" 

The man swung round, and Rae looked up at his face, but it was covered by a balaclava type helmet and sunglasses. 

"Freeze or I'll fire!" Rae had her gun in her hand, but the would-be car thief was either deaf or desperate and he lunged at Rae as he passed, sending her sprawling backwards into the wall. Rae felt her head slam against the brickwork, and then she fell forwards onto her knees. Aiming her gun at the retreating figure she got off one shot before her hand began to shake and she had to let her gun fall to the ground.

One of the mechanics working on a vehicle further down the yard came running at the sound of gunfire and saw a small dark haired woman slumped on the floor, a gun by her side and stopped in his tracks. As he stood there he saw her turn towards him, and recognising the figure as a cop he moved a little closer. "Are you alright, Detective?"

"What? Oh, yeah, I will be in a minute." Rae moved so that she could rest her head on her knees, and waited for the world to stop spinning. She gingerly put her hand inside her jacket and took out her cell phone, then checking for Steve's number she dialled and waited for him to answer.

Twenty minutes later Steve had looked for anything that could have caused their murderer to return to the scene of the crime and found nothing. He had however, received a call from one of the patrol men he had asked to check the area surrounding the yard, he had found a set of overalls that matched the description Rae had given in a trash can just five minutes away. Now though Rae was being checked over by a paramedic and Steve was taking down the details of what she had seen. 

"He was crouched down when I saw him first, and he seemed quite big as he moved away from me, but I couldn't say that I recognised him as any of the guys in vice. I'm sorry… Ow!" Rae let out a cry of pain as the EMT ran his hand over the back of her head.

"I apologise, Ma'am, you have a nasty bump here."

"That's ok; just warn me if you are gonna do it again."

"Rae, maybe you should let them take you to Community General, then Alex can check you over." Steve looked anxiously at his partner; she seemed a little pale, and shaken.

"No, I'm fine, a nice hot cup of tea and I'll be as good as new."

"I don't think that you have a concussion, Ma'am, but if you feel dizzy or nauseous then you need to get yourself checked over by a doctor." The paramedic began to tidy away his gear as he spoke.

"Thank you and I promise I'll do that." Rae smiled at the young man and then turned to her partner. "Now, can we please go back inside? I am getting a cold bum sitting here on the ground."

Steve held out his hand and Rae took a hold of it and then he pulled her to her feet. "Ok? Remember, if you feel dizzy …"

"Or nauseous, I know, but I don't, I just have a headache, and, I have to admit my pride is a bit dented. But I'll live." Rae ran her hand through her hair, and then gently felt the large lump that had formed on the back of her head, as her fingers probed she pulled a face. "Ow, I shouldn't have done that." Then with a smile she felt Steve's arm go around her, and without further argument she let herself be led back to the precinct.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Are you sure you'll be all right now?" Steve looked over at his partner, he had provided her with the cup of tea she wanted and one of the icepacks that lived in the squad room refrigerator, he was relieved to see her nod her head carefully, and so he spoke again. "Ok, I need to pop down to Vice for a moment, and I guess you need to write a report on why you fired your gun. Ron is due in at half past eleven so that we can finish the character profile, the Chief wants our up-to-date report on his desk at noon, and Payroll are expecting us at one. Which gives us about two hours before we get to finish for two days of high class glitz and glamour." Steve had been counting things off on his fingers, and Rae's face had been getting more and more horror struck.

"Oh great, and somewhere between now and eight tomorrow night I have to go and buy an evening gown and a new tux for Jesse, get the girls over to Sally's house, visit the hairdresser, work out how to set the alarm on our new house, and, if I am really lucky, even sleep!"

"I think that is an optional extra!" Steve smiled at her as he watched her make herself a second cup of tea and then he headed for the stairs and the unpleasant task of finding out who had an alibi in vice and who didn't.

Martin was on the phone when Steve tapped on the door and then entered the room and he waved at his friend but carried on talking. Don Werner was washing up a set of coffee mugs at the sink in the corner, but apart from that there was no one in the room.

"Hey, Sloan, what's the matter, can't you keep away?" The large black detective came walking over, drying his hands on his pants as he did so.

"I just needed some info on Wanda Harris." Steve had been wracking his brains as to what excuse he could make up for being back in the vice department ever since he had left homicide, and as he walked in through the door he realised that they had no additional information on their murder victim, and if anybody knew her it would be these men.

"Yeah, sure, what do you want to know? Some of the other girls who used to work for Denny are scared, I can tell you that. It's bad enough when a hooker gets killed, but her pimp too? That's not good. He didn't have a big stable, just four or five girls, but all of them have been on the phone over the last few days, but I guess they'll all have new pimps by the middle of next week and they'll disappear back into the woodwork." The words seemed strangely out of place coming from the mouth of the extremely tall and smartly dressed man standing in front of Steve, and there was a compassion there that showed that life hadn't hardened him completely, not yet, anyway.

"Did Wanda know Crosier, or was it just Denny?" Steve looked around and saw Martin put his phone down and push his chair out, ready to come and join them.

"No, Wanda knew him, and I don't mean just to say hello."

"Hey, Steve, you looking forward to tomorrow?" Martin smiled as he spoke and for a moment Steve was unsure what he was talking about, but then realisation dawned.

"Oh, yeah, actually I am. Jo has worked really hard at this, Rae too when she was able, it should raise a lot of money for the hospital and things." Steve stopped talking and looked around him. "Did you all go down with the flu or something? I don't think I've ever seen the place so quiet."

"Well, there are only seven of us anyway, but we have two on vacation, and three out on cases, sometimes it's like this, other times all of us are here and you can't move for cops. Can I get you a coffee or anything?" Martin smiled at his friend, he missed his company, although he got on with most of the guys in his new department, he had enjoyed the camaraderie that existed between Steve, Rae, Cheryl and himself.

"No, thanks, I'd better be getting back, but if you could let me have anything that you've got on Wanda and Denny Harris, and the list of his other girls, by yesterday, I would be grateful."

"Yeah, as you can see things are really jumping here, I'll get it sorted out for you by the end of the day. Bye Steve." Martin waved a hand as he watched him turn and head back the way he had come.

As Steve walked back into homicide he could see Rae on the phone and Ron sitting at his desk waiting for him. Getting nearer he could hear Rae speaking, and then he caught her eye.

"Oh, wait a minute, Sir; Lieutenant Sloan has just walked back into the room, if you would hold the line a moment." Rae put her hand over the mouthpiece and then turned to Steve. "It's the principal of Daniel's school on the phone; he needs to speak with you urgently."

"Is he ok, has he been hurt?" Steve took the phone as he spoke, and was relieved to see Rae shake her head.

"No, I already asked that." Rae was silent then as Steve began to speak and listen.

"This is Lieutenant Sloan, can I help you…? Oh, I see … no, I'm sure you don't, and I can assure you I don't either … yes, ok, I'll be right over… Yes, I do I've dropped him off before… Thank you, good bye." Steve put the phone down on its cradle and both Ron and Rae could tell that he was not happy.

"Steve?" Rae knew she didn't need to say anything else.

"Daniel has been fighting at school; the principal has sent the other kid to the hospital with a suspected broken nose and two black eyes. He wants me to take Daniel out of school, and he has suspended him for three days… They don't want him back until Thursday. Jo'll go mad, and I'm not too impressed myself." Steve's hands were in fists, he didn't need this, he had too many other things to concentrate on.

"Steve, you go and sort that out, Ron and I can do this profile, and I can see the Chief too. If you're not back I'll even head over to payroll on my own. I'm not proud. Now, go… Oh, and Steve… something has been bothering Daniel for a little while, let him have his say before you condemn him, ok?" Rae had her hand on his arm, and he smiled at her.

"Yeah, I guess so. Dad always listened to my side of every story. Of course, I still used to get grounded, but at least he listened first! Thanks, Rae, Ron, I'll see you tomorrow." Steve grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair and headed out towards his truck.

Daniel's school was in the Rampart district, and so Steve turned out of the station towards route 101, all the time wondering what had gotten into his foster son that would cause him to get into a fight in school. With a sigh Steve realised that Daniel had been a little out of sorts, snapping at him when they had been talking the other night, and he knew that Jo and Michael had kept him home earlier in the week because they were concerned about him. Fifteen minutes later Steve indicated to leave the main highway and was soon drawing up outside the grey and depressing buildings that housed Daniel's school.

When Jo and he had first thought about fostering the boy Alex had told them how well he was doing at school and the decision had been made to keep sending him there, even though it took a while to get there each morning in the rush hour traffic. Now though Steve wondered, as he locked his car, whether they had made the right decision.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ron and Rae spread out all the information that they had on the bits and pieces case on the desk and then called up the profile that they had loaded into the computer. Silently they both read through what the three of them had come up with so far, and then Rae turned to the quiet FBI agent with a frown. 

"We don't have much, do we?"

"Nope, but we will get more, each time he does anything we can add to this, gradually we'll get a complete, or almost complete picture of who he is and even why he is doing this."

"You know, I've been thinking about this, I've been thinking of nothing else it seems, and I reckon that he must be working with someone else. There is no way that all this could have been done by one person."

"Ok, keep talking." Ron pulled a pad towards him and as Rae spoke he began to write down key words.

"First of all if I came at you with a knife what would you do?"

"Disarm you!" Ron smiled. "Rae, you are a little lady, I could get it off you no problem." Ron laughed as Rae stuck her tongue out at him.

"Ok, let me try again. If you were being held prisoner by me and I came at you with a knife what would you do?"

"Back away, run, flinch, cower, anything to get away from the blade."

"Good, so would I. Now neither the woman nor Crosier was drugged, there is nothing in their system. They could have been tied up, but we have a hand and a foot and there were no marks to show that they had been bound in any way. They had to have been subdued somehow."

Ron kept writing, and Rae waited for him to finish. Once he had done so he looked up. "So you are saying that someone was holding them down while they had pieces hacked off them?" Ron managed to suppress a shudder. He had worked on some very distasteful cases in his time, but this was pressing hard to be in his top five.

"Yeah, that's what I'm saying. And, someone is keeping them alive afterwards. They're dead now, but Crosier was definitely alive when his arm was cut off, and he would have gone into shock, he was also alive when he had his genitals removed, so someone with medical knowledge and the ability to get supplies is involved." Rae shook her head; she had a feeling that this case was going to get worse before it got better. "I think that there are at least two people involved in this, and don't forget someone was keeping Crosier's place going."

The phone rang on Rae's desk and she leant over and picked it up. "Detective Yeager … Hi, Amanda, how are you? … yeah, I know what you mean. I'm working with your lovely fiancé to try and work some of it out right now … No, he didn't call … oh right … and you are absolutely sure…? No, sorry, of course you are… I guess it's pretty obvious really, but it's good to have it confirmed… Yes, please, can you send them by courier…? Yeah, I'll see you then, bye."

Rae put the phone down and turned to look at Ron. "Mmm, well that was a very interesting call. Few things, and two of them open things up a little and one finishes one case off, at least I think it does. First of all Crosier head had been in another freezer before his own. There are two sets of shelf markings in the flesh of his neck. And then just to complicate matters, at least I think it does, Amanda is almost positive that the knife used to hack various body parts into small useable pieces is the same type used to cut Denny Harris's throat, I guess it could be coincidence, but I'm not convinced, and the gun found at the Harris place was the one used on Wanda."

Ron looked at Rae and shook his head, impossible as it seemed, this case had just got even more confusing.


	35. A Word to the Wise

**A Word to the Wise**

Steve walked into the high school and looked around him. There was a secretary's office straight in front of him and so with a sigh he walked up to it and waited.

One lady was working behind the clear security screen and she looked up and smiled. "Yes, Sir, what can I do for you?"

"My name is Steve Sloan; I got a call about my son, Daniel Upton."

"Oh, yes." The secretary seemed to look down over her glasses at him, making Steve feel as if it was he who was in trouble. "If you would just take a seat for a moment Mr. Naegler will be with you as soon as he can."

Fifteen minutes later Steve was still there, and his temper was rising. He had way too much to do to be sitting here doing nothing. He was just about to get up and make his way back to the office when a very tall, angular man came towards him. "Mr. Sloan, I am sorry to keep you waiting, won't you please come this way?"

Steve followed the man into an office that looked in need of a cleaner. There were papers everywhere, and he was relieved when the principal directed him to an empty chair just in front of the desk, and then took the seat opposite Steve himself.

Once they were both sitting down Mr. Naegler put a very sincere look on his face and began to speak.  "I can't tell you how disappointed I am in Daniel's behaviour. He has been getting increasingly difficult to handle lately, but today everything seemed to just go into overdrive."

"And you didn't think to contact either my wife or myself about this?"

"No, nothing that he did warranted a call home, until now that is."

"And what happened today? Mr. Naegler, I don't wish to sound uncaring or uninterested but I really need to get back to work as quickly as I can, so maybe we could try to sort this out right now?"

"Yes, of course, Mr. Sloan." The man's tone was curt, and Steve knew that he had said the wrong thing.  "Daniel launched himself at a young man, in what appears to have been an unprovoked attack, and the other student has been hospitalised. I don't know if the parents will press charges, but I wouldn't be surprised if they do. You are well aware, I realise, the seriousness of any charges that could be brought over this, Lieutenant." He made the rank sound like an insult, and Steve decided that he really didn't like this man.

"Yes, I do understand, and I also understand why you have had to suspend him, but before I make any judgement on why he did these things I will want to hear his side of the story." Steve found that he not only planned to give the boy the chance to speak but that he was willing to bet that there was a very good reason for what he had done.

"Very well, I will go and escort him to you, and then if you would be so kind as to remove him from the premises until next Thursday you can get back to work. Good day, Lieutenant Sloan." Mr. Naegler left the room and Steve followed him out so that he could see his foster son as he came towards him, hoping that maybe he would get an idea as to what the problem was just by looking at him.

Daniel saw Steve standing at the end of the corridor and didn't know whether he wanted to run towards or away from him. He looked so strong and dependable, like nothing or no one he had ever had on his side before, but he also knew that he had let him down, and he hoped that he could make him realise just how sorry he was.

"Daniel, do you have everything that you came with this morning?" Steve kept his voice as level as possible and waited for the boy to reply.

"Yes, I didn't have P.E. today, so just this bag."

"Mr. Upton, I have explained to your foster father that you have been suspended until Thursday. I do not expect to see you loitering round the school gates, or for you to have any contact with the pupils here while you are away, is that clear?" The principal's voice was tight and officious, and Steve had no doubt that he was universally detested by all who knew him.

"Yes, Sir, I won't come near the place until next Thursday." Daniel turned away then and waited for Steve to precede him out of the building, he had tears pricking his eyes, and he didn't want either man to see them, so he kept his head down and followed his foster father's feet, wishing that the ground would swallow him up before he had to explain all that had happened.

"Now, I have to get back to work, and a police station is not the place for a fourteen-year-old boy. I called Dad on the way here, and he says you can stay with him and Alex until I've finished work." Steve turned to the boy sitting in the passenger seat beside him. "Daniel, whatever has gotten into you? You haven't been in trouble in school since you started there, what happened, Son?" Steve found that there was no anger in his voice, and as he looked into the face of the young man sitting next to him all he saw was pain and fear. Reaching out he placed his hand on the boy's arm and felt him shake. "Daniel?"

"Steve, leave it, please, 'til later." Daniel was mortified to hear his voice shake and he turned away.

"Ok, but we will talk, tonight, before I go off to the hotel for the weekend. I'm not sure what to do with you while the ball is on now." Steve shook his head, but he understood. He would always try to get his dad to leave discussions until the air had cleared a little, it was just unfortunate that this weekend was so important to Jo and, he realised, to himself as well. Silently Steve started his car and headed back out on to the highway hoping that maybe Alex would be able to help the young man more than he appeared to be able to do right now.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ron and Rae were on their fourth cups of tea and coffee by the time Steve got back, and there were all sorts of notes and memos scattered across the desk. "Hey guys, got anywhere?" Steve plonked himself down in the empty chair that was waiting for him and looked at the two tired faces in front of him.

"Steve, is Daniel all right? You didn't blast him out did you? I have to admit I didn't think you'd come back." Rae was concerned for the young man, she knew that he had a chance of a good and successful life with the Sloans and she hoped that he hadn't blown it.

"I had to, we have too much to do as it is, and yeah, I think he will be. He's with Alex right now, Dad was in the OR. But you were spot on, he was really upset, not that he wanted me to see it. Something's going on, and I will find out what it is."

"I was spot on? I don't think I have ever heard you say that before? It's definitely a British term."

"Mmm, I must be spending way to much time around you." Steve paused and smiled, but then repeated what he had said before. "You're right, something's going on."

"Yeah, well, I've been there, done that, not as much as I would have liked, but I've been there." Rae smiled a wistful smile, and Steve realised that she had missed a lot of her children's' childhood, not just by being in LA but because she was a cop.

"Now, what do you have for me?" Steve knew that there was nothing he could say so he decided to return to the pressing matter of the Todd Case.

"Amanda called, and Crosier was moved or his head was. And, guess what? Denny Harris was killed by the same type of knife that has been used to slice up the bodies, but not until he'd killed Wanda." Ron smiled as he said Amanda's name and Rae and Steve glanced at each other both realising what he was doing.

"Oh great, so what about Wanda?" The smile disappeared as soon as Steve heard what Ron had to say.

"She was killed by a bullet from Harris's gun, no prints on it but his. I guess it's case closed."

"Did he have a permit?" Steve was sure they would have checked while he was out.

"Pardon?" Rae looked confused for a moment and Steve decided that maybe he wasn't sure after all.

"Did Denny have a permit for the gun, or anything to show it was his?"

"I'm sorry, Steve, I don't know, I have to admit we put what Amanda said to one side. We wanted to get the profile finished. I'll get someone on it right away." Rae sounded a little guilty and she picked up the phone to speak to Alison on the desk, it was a bit of a slip but she still thought they had made the right call.

Steve waited for his partner to finish on the phone, and then began to speak. "Ok, so tell me what you have so far. I'm getting a very bad feeling about all of this." Steve could feel his temper rising, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to keep it in for much longer.

"We think that we have someone supremely confident, who doesn't work alone, has no intention of getting caught, and thinks that he has you right where he wants you. He sees you as part of his plan now; you are almost the third member of his group…" Rae had been reading from one of the pieces of paper, but she looked up as she heard her partner interrupt.

"What? How can he think that? I don't have a clue who he is." Steve felt his anger build even more and realised that where this case was concerned it was only ever going to be just below the surface.

"He's building up a relationship with you, gradually, over the period of time that this case has been going on, you just need to re-read the letters to see that." Ron picked up a few sheets of paper and Steve could see that all the letters had been photocopied onto them.

"This is the first one."  Ron paused a moment, gathering his thoughts and then he read the first note out loud.

_"Lieutenant Sloan,_

_I thought I would just deposit my collection of limbs around LA until someone worked out what I was doing, but then you got involved in the case and I decided to play. Is there any way you can beat me? I doubt it. Is there any way you can stop me? I doubt that too, but you are welcome to try. I will even give you a clue. One of the bodies is known to you._

_S. Todd"_

As Ron finished speaking Rae took over. "He calls you by your rank and, in a roundabout way, he compliments you by saying that he was going to just dump body parts but now he is going to work with you, it has become a game because of you. But I think there is more to this; I think that he had every intention of you getting involved, which is why the limb was in your parking space. Crosier was still alive when this was sent, that wouldn't have been the case if he had just planned to get rid of them without playing." 

"The second one is a little more relaxed, he is still asking … double questions, which seems to be a trait of his, and he's enjoying himself." Once again Ron began to read out loud.

_"Well, well,_

_Did you like your gift? Have you opened it yet? Anticipation is a wonderful thing, unfortunately for one of my victims he knows exactly what is coming, and he isn't enjoying it at all. Have you worked out my next move yet? Have I? This is so much fun I plan to make it last as long as possible. So many body parts, so many cars, or maybe I won't use cars, there are plenty of other places I can find for a foot, or a leg, or even … a head._

_Enjoy your lunch._

_S. Todd._

"He knew that you would know by now that one of his victims was still alive. I would say that there is some at least basic forensic knowledge, as well as a rough idea how to cut someone up, and keep them alive at the same time. But he isn't giving too much away, just enough to keep you dangling." Ron shook his head as he spoke; he was glad that these letters hadn't come to him.

"Double questions…? No, wait, like when he says," Steve leant over and took the piece of paper, "'have you worked out my next move yet? Have I?' That's what you mean isn't it?" Steve paused and handed back the sheet. "Would he speak that way? I don't think I know anyone who talks like that." Steve had picked up a large paper clip and was absently turning it between his fingers, but both Ron and Rae knew that he was concentrating, completely.

"Ok, this next one he starts to get more personal, friendlier, slowly working his way under your guard." It was Rae who had the piece of paper now, and she began to read in the pleasant American/English accent that so became her.

_"Lieutenant, or can I call you Steve? I feel we know each other so well,_

_I was going to save this till last, but somehow I found it a little disconcerting to have on my shelf staring at me as I got my cornflakes. What luck that you were at the bus station at the same time as me, have you worked out who this is yet? Maybe you need a little clue, but not this time, I'm sure that you have checked missing persons, there is just one problem with that, one of the victims at least, hasn't been reported missing, ah well, some times you can't get a break can you?_

_I wonder, could he be 'a little priest?' No, that would be too easy!_

_Take care Steve,_

_S. Todd_

Rae looked up as she stopped reading. "Ok, this time there are no double questions, he mentions Sweeney Todd, for the only time so far. And all the while he is probing, asking, without it being a question, like I said, getting under your guard so that you feel like you aren't doing enough to solve this case."

"Yeah, well I can tell you it's working. All this information and we still don't have a clue who he is." The paperclip was now a straight piece of metal, but Rae had a feeling it wouldn't stay that way for long.

"Some of the letters don't tell us very much of anything, in fact the next four or five of them just tell us that he sent a bit and not a lot else." Ron paused for a moment to pick up a pile of letters stacked together. "I'll just read through them, I don't think that there is a lot to comment on. This first one though was the only female part we received."

_Steve,_

_I'll have to get rid of the other foot, she looks so uneven. I thought about using it to keep my umbrella in, it gets so little use in LA, but I changed my mind. Am I joking? Will you find out? I hope not, but you are supposed to be a great detective you tell me._

_S. Todd_

"I guess we could mention his strange sense of humour, but nothing else." Ron slipped the letter he had read to the back of the pile and continued.

_"Steve,_

_Well, he's not quite armless, but well on the way, and you have a partner in crime to help you solve this. Is she as good as the media thinks she is? Are you? Who knows?_

_S. Todd_

_Steve,_

_An ear, somehow it looks so innocuous, but he did scream when I took it off, so I guess it must have been important to him. What a shame for you that it isn't pierced or anything, or that he doesn't have any tattoos. Or does he? Maybe one day you will find out._

_S. Todd"_

"So, he was still alive when this was removed?" Steve picked up instantly on the part of the letter that Rae had highlighted on her copy. "That must have been removed before the foot that was found at the bus station, even though we didn't get it in that order."

"I guess there's no reason for him to have removed things in the order that we receive them is there?" Rae cast his eyes over the list of parts she had in front of her.

"No, I guess not, I hadn't really thought of it that way." Steve shook his head; give him a nice simple serial killer any day.

"Ok, moving right along, because I would really like to get past these letters, they give me the whim whams."

Ron looked at Steve and saw him shake his head. "Don't ask!"

Rae cleared her throat and took over the reading duties.

_"Steve and Rae,_

_Remember how uneven she looks with one foot? Well, I think I have that problem again. Still he is taking up less and less space in my freezer._

_S. Todd_

"You can imagine just how thrilled I am that I seem to be getting a regular mention!" Rae rolled her eyes and then continued.

_"Rae and Steve,_

_It should be ladies first after all, did you guess that this would be next? I have a worry, am I giving you too much information or not enough? I guess if you arrest me today it will be too much. Am I worried? No!_

_S. Todd"_

"We are just feeling our way with this, Steve, there's no other way to do this, no way to get inside his mind apart from his words or the ones he lets us see, and his actions, and again we only see what he wants us to see. This next letter is important because for a start he calls you 'Stevie.'" Ron moved the paper so that Steve could see which one he was talking about and then he began to read.

_"Stevie,_

_Long time no see, and one of my poor house guests can't see either! Oh what a laugh I had, it kept rolling away from me as I tried to put it in the container. I haven't quite decided what to do with the other three._

_Well, I have to earn a crust, so there may be a delay before you hear from me again. Mmm, hear, I wonder what you will get next!_

_Till then, my friend_

_S. Todd._

"I hate the name Stevie …" Steve stopped talking for a minute and it was clear from his face that he was thinking, hard.

"What?" After a couple of minutes Rae couldn't keep quiet any longer.

"When I was assigned to vice …"

"You worked in vice? Oh, man, then this is personal, this is way more than just you being a good cop." Rae's voice was full of amazement, but both men could hear something else too, worry, and a lot of it.

"Why does that make a difference? I thought you knew I worked there for a while."

"No, it was before my time. Steve, if this guy was there when you were then he'll know how you work, what annoys you, what doesn't, and he knows that Stevie is not a good name for you. This changes a lot of things."

"Well, we'll process that in a minute; let's just get these letters read first." Ron took a deep breath and began to read the next one,

_Steve,_

_Well, this is not good; I have all these body parts and no one to send them to. I would suggest that you talk with your captain, otherwise you may find parts from other bodies turning up, not just those of that whore and her lover._

_I guess you are still waiting to hear from me with the next piece to the puzzle. All in good time my friend, all in good time. If I don't find out that you are back on the case, then I might have to find someone else to cut up, maybe you had better keep a close eye on your friends._

_Ooh, that was strong, do I mean it? Who knows? Are you brave enough to call my bluff? I don't think so._

_S. Todd_

"Now this is a completely different type of letter. The double questions are back, but it is threatening, and not to you, but those you hold dear. This was sent, without a body part after the article appeared in the paper, and I would be really worried if this was me. You have a wife and a son to consider, I'm a family man now." Ron paused for a moment, "yeah, if I got this I would be worried."

"And you think I'm not? I don't worry about Jo when she is home, she's safe there, but out and about in LA with this nut running loose, of course I worry about her." The piece of metal was now a flat wound up circle and Steve, realising what he had done, dropped it onto the table and tried to get his temper back under control.

"This is the last one, and again it's different, which shows that this guy is prepared to change things to make it more effective. He sent it to Michael, at your home address, and that is another worrying trend, the foot was in Rae's car, not a real problem, if he's a cop, he could get to it quite easily, but not this, you have to know your address to be able to do this."

_Stevie,_

_I know that this will reach you. A butler. Imagine! Did you get this given to you on a silver platter? Maybe I should serve the next pieces that way. _

_I have something to confess – no, not that, would you like me to? Ok, Officer, arrest me, I am cutting people up and leaving them everywhere. Will that do?_

_I was going to send you an ear. You will hear from me, remember? But when I knew you were going to our beloved detective's house, well, I just couldn't help it; I guess I got a bit a head of myself._

_But I have decided to up the stakes, to make it more fun. Who will I target next? Who knows? Is there a pattern to what I plan to do? Who knows that either?_ _I guess you will just have to keep watching and waiting._

_You are a popular guy; I think I have plenty of potential victims._

_The game is afoot._

_S. Todd._

"And we got a foot; there was a foot in the front seat of my car." Rae shook her head, whatever she said; there was something about her little car that she didn't like any more.

"So, someone is going to get a letter, probably today or tomorrow, that relates to that foot." Steve stood up and turned from the desk, not really knowing what to do with himself.

Rae looked over at Ron and shook her head. She knew her partner well enough to realise that he wouldn't want anyone anywhere near him right now. She also knew that now wasn't the time to discuss him working in vice. So, instead she began to collect up her notes and the various pieces of information that she would need for her meeting with the Chief, and then when she had done that she tentatively moved across to where Steve was staring at a notice board, his hands in tight fists and his breathing heavy.

"Steve?" Rae waited, knowing that he would either get himself under control and turn with a smile or just bark at her from where he stood.

"What!" 

Disappointed that he still wasn't under control Rae shook her head again and began to speak. "I'm off to see the Chief, unless you would like to do it … ok, bad idea. I'll see you in a little while, and we can head to payroll. Did you get the warrant?"

"No, I had family matters to attend to! I'll go get it while you get paly paly with the Chief. Just don't spend all day there!" Steve hadn't changed position at all, and his curt tone cut Rae to the quick, but she decided to just ride with it.

"Ok, partner, see you later." Rae made sure she kept her voice light, even though her heart was heavy and then she turned, smiled at Ron and left the room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Debbie was sitting at the bar in the Sunset ballroom, a glass in her hand and a pitcher of drink by her side. "I must say this is the best Texas Tea I have ever had, outside of Texas that is." She smiled at the handsome young man behind the bar and Jo could swear she even batted her eyelashes at him.

"_Debs,_ I could really do with your advice here, if you can spare me the time." 

"Honey, now you know I am all yours for as long as you want me, all you have to do is ask." Debbie got down, a little shakily, from her barstool, picked up her glass and moved over towards where Jo was standing, a piece of paper held in her hand.

"Ok, now, I have the main table here, an' Steve an' I are in the middle, then Mark is next to me, and Mrs Baardsdatter will be next to Steve." Jo laughed. "I think I got the better end of that deal! Then, there are a few other major players, either hospital or police admin staff or fund raisers on the top table as well." Jo stopped talking and turned the paper around so it was easier to read the names on the rest of the tables. "I was gonna have the tables in long lines, so that it was almost like a letter E but now I'm not so sure, what do you think?"

"Well…" Debbie appeared to think deeply for a minute, although Jo was sure it was an illusion, and then she began to speak again. "It reminded me of somethin' an' now I know what it is. When I was a little girl I was sent away to boardin' school an', when we ate, the tables were set out like this. I think it would be better to have the tables in little clumps."

Jo shook her head and smiled. "Yeah, I think you're right. I was tutored at home, but I guess they had things like that in Harry Potter didn't they?" Jo and Steve hadn't bothered to go see it at the movies, but a little while after Daniel had moved in they had rented it one night, and to their surprise they had all enjoyed it very much.

"I guess so, I prefer French films myself." Debbie, her duties over for the time being, returned to the bar stool and her friend behind the counter.

"Excuse me, Madam." Michael's voice was a welcome touch of sanity as Jo looked at her piece of paper once again and realised that she had just necessitated the changing of the whole seating arrangements.

"I have put all the auction items into the storeroom at the back of the ballroom; however, it would appear that we have one more than we thought."

"Oh. Do you know which one it is?" _Stupid question, of course he does!_

"Of course, Madam, it is a box, there is a note with it, would you like me to read it?"

"Yes, please, Michael, if you wouldn't mind."

"Not at all, Madam." Michael picked up his glasses which were hanging on a chain around his neck and placing them on his nose began to read.

_Dear Mrs Sloan,_

_I am very disappointed that I am unable to attend your fundraising ball this Saturday, but trust that you will accept this gift in my place._

_I have no idea what it is, but it has been in my family for a very long time. My father assured me that there was a way into it, and I finally worked it out after many many hours of trying.  I will send the instructions to the hotel some time next week, but hopefully the person who purchases it will be able to open it without them._

_I hope you have a wonderful evening._

And that is all there is, Madam, no signature, or anything to give us any idea who sent it, but it is a beautiful box, and I know that Mr. Louis Mabriant is an avid collector of this type of thing, and usually pays handsomely for the privilege of owning them. He also says that no box ever takes him more than ten minutes to work out."

Jo smiled, "I wonder if there is somethin' in the box, did it rattle or anythin'? Oh, don't tell me, you didn't shake it? How could you resist?" This time Jo shook her head, amazed once again at the resolve of the man. "Right, I need a black coffee, a sandwich an' a clean piece of paper, I have to re-arrange the seatin' arrangements, thanks to Miss Prissy Knickers over there pointin' out somethin' I should have seen for myself."

"Should I get some sandwiches for Miss Gardiner as well?" Michael looked over to where Debbie was sitting flirting with the barman and still drinking.

"Yeah, she sure needs somethin' to soak up all that _tea_. Thank you, Michael, I wish Rae was here."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had waited for just over ten minutes for the Chief and he had been very apologetic as she entered the room. 

"Rae, I am so sorry to have kept you waiting, I know that you are very busy, and as you are aware, I hate to keep anybody sitting out there past their appointment time, because …"

"…What's the point of an appointment system if you don't keep to it?" Rae smiled.

"Exactly." The Chief nodded his head in agreement with her.

"I know, and I knew you would be angry, but don't worry, I used the time to try and get my head a little further round this case." Rae smiled at her boss and thought of her partner for a moment, she knew that Steve was more than a little curious about the relationship that she enjoyed with the head of the police department and she guessed that he wasn't the only one.

The truth was that they had found, while she was working for him, that they liked each other, they shared a sense of humour, which was to many others totally unfathomable, and the relationship had continued when she had returned to homicide.

"So, Rae, I saw you working with Agent Wagner this morning, have you made any progress?"

"Yes, Sir, I think so." Rae smiled, she hadn't seen the Chief, but she knew that he often checked on different departments without being noticed in stations across the city. "We have been concentrating on trying to form a profile for this guy, it isn't very long, but we think we are on the right lines with it."

The Chief had sat for a long time reading through the letters, then the profile, and then going over the other information that they had. Finally, with a shake of his head he looked up. "You are still convinced that this man is a cop?"

"Yes, Sir, more convinced than ever. He stole my car, he knew we were going to Crosier's place, so he put the head there for us to find. For which I will be eternally grateful!"

"Yes, I'm sure, what about his partner in crime, do you think that he's a cop too?" The Chief smiled as he spoke, understanding her sarcasm and carrying on the conversation around it.

"I don't know. There's been no real indication that he has a partner, it's just that we don't see how he could be in two places at once, and he isn't stupid, he must know that we will get on his trail sooner or later, and check shift patterns, rota's and days off against when the various bits and pieces were left in cars, lockers and freezers."

"Mmm, well, I don't want to tip your hand, so I think that the best thing I can do is instigate an investigation into the cost efficiency of various departments within the police force as a whole. I will start with vice and, as I am stationed here at the moment, I will start with the North Hollywood Division." The Chief was writing as he was speaking, and then with a smile he looked up at Rae. "I think you can take that to mean that I agree with you, Detective. Good work."

"Thank you, Sir. I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Yes, yes, you will. Ah, could you let Mrs Sloan know that I will be a little delayed, and probably won't make it until after the meal has been served?"

"Of course, I thought that would be the case."  Rae began picking up all the papers off the desk and was surprised to find the Chief looking straight at her as she finished her task.

"Take care, Rae, I get the feeling that this man will be very difficult to catch."

"Yes, Sir, we will do that, my record may show otherwise, but I am always careful, it's just that sometimes things go a little awry!"

The Chief laughed out loud at that and then shook his head. "Maybe I should wish it to happen again, I miss having you in my outer office."

Rae smiled and then turned to go; it was good to be appreciated.

By the time Rae got to the payroll offices Steve was already there, the search warrant in his hand, and a scowl on his face. Rae's heart sank, she had hoped that maybe the time apart would have improved his temper, but she guessed that hadn't happened.

"Rae, we were supposed to be here, together, half an hour ago."

"I'm sorry, the Chief was busy when I got there, and so that held me up. But he has agreed to an investigation of vice, he's going arrange it so that it's an administrative one, that way he hopes nobody will twig."

"Twig?" There was silence for a few seconds but finally Steve smiled, and Rae ventured a smile back. 

"Steve, we have about three or four hours left and then we have a weekend off, try to relax, I'm worried about you."

The look on Steve's face told Rae to leave it for now, and then they heard their names being called.

The payroll office was busy, but almost silent. Rae was disappointed that she couldn't hear the constant clatter of adding machines; somehow calculators and computers lessened the atmosphere of the place.

They were led into an office, which had the name Mr. Abbott on the glass, and were warmly welcomed by a young man of about thirty who had a ready smile and an immediately engaging nature.

"Hi, Detective Yeager, Lieutenant Sloan, what can I do for you? Please sit down, won't you. Can I get you a coffee, or a cold drink?"

"No, thank you, Rae, did you want anything?" Steve saw her shake her head and so continued talking. "We need some information on a police officer from North Hollywood, he's no longer in the service, in fact he's now deceased, and we're hoping that you can help us." Steve's voice had relaxed considerably since he had last spoke out in the hallway, and Rae looked over at him and smiled.

"You do realise that even though he is now deceased, that his information is still considered confidential?"

"Yes, Sir, we do, but we have a search warrant." Steve laid the document on the desk in front of him.

"Sir, oh my goodness, you make me sound like my father, please, call me Leslie." He picked up the search warrant and looked over it. "You know, even though I work for the police department, I have never seen one of these before. Do you mind if I read it through?"

"Well, that is your prerogative, but how about if you let us have the files we need, and then we can read them while you read that?" Rae smiled at the young man; she reckoned he would make for a friendly, easygoing office.

"Ok. What was the name of the person?" Leslie Abbott's face broke into a broad smile.

"Crosier, Neil Crosier, he was in the vice department of North Hollywood."

It took ten minutes for the details to be printed off and brought into the office, and in that time Leslie Abbott had read through his search warrant and asked again if they would like a drink. Steve and Rae had nothing to really say and so in the end the room had descended into an uncomfortable silence.

All three of them were relieved when there was a knock on the door, and then they sat in a different type of silence as they began looking through all the information. Finally Steve looked over to the head of payroll and began to speak.

"We'll need to take all this with us; the warrant covers us to do that."

"Ok, that's fine; if he's dead we won't need to be paying him any more."

Rae and Steve stood up and shook hands with the young man and then headed back towards the parking lot.

"You know, that was too easy, surely the guy behind all this must know that we would look into Crosier's background, financial as well as personal, I guess there won't be anything here after all." Rae could feel the despondency she was trying so hard to keep at bay as it forced its way to the fore once again.

"Well, we need to get to his bank before it shuts. Even if we don't get a chance to go through all his statements right away at least if we have them we can go over them at the weekend… After Saturday, ok?" Steve saw Rae's expression and hurried to reassure her.

"Yeah, I guess, but Texas is gonna get mad, you do know that don't you?"

"Oh, I do. But it has to be done, and she'll understand that, she won't like it, but she will understand. And we're all sharing a suite so we can do it there."

As they talked Steve was driving towards the small downtown bank that had received Neil Crosier's wages every two weeks. They had no appointment, not knowing which bank they would be going to, but they had a search warrant, which was vague enough to cover every eventuality.

It took them almost an hour to get in to see Mr. Waddell, the manager of the Bank of America on Sepulveda Boulevard. He was obviously wanting to get away to start his weekend, and Rae and Steve had no intention of holding him up.

"Sir, we have a search warrant so that we can gain access to the account details of Neil Crosier. I have the number for the account his wages were paid into, and I would be obliged if you could let me have statements for the last eighteen for that account, and any other that you hold in his name." Steve sounded efficient and businesslike and the manager replied in the same tone.

"Of course, Lieutenant, if you would just bear with me while I check the warrant, I will get my secretary to organise this for you." 

The bank was quicker than the payroll department and ten minutes after they arrived in the manager's office they were back in the car. 

"You know, we don't have time to get to the service providers today, it will be Monday before we get to finish this. It used to be an easy job in London. If you wanted information on someone's telephone records you went to British Telecom, gas was British Gas, but now, with deregulation, well, when I lived in London I used to get my electricity through the gas company." Rae shook her head as she spoke. She had no idea how many different companies there were in Los Angeles, let alone California or America as a whole. "This is a job that has to be done in the right order isn't it?"

"Yep, but it is past four o'clock and we need to get back to the station so that we can sort out what information we are taking with us, and then I have a teenage son to sort out." Rae smiled and Steve looked at her. "What? What did I say that warranted that smile?"

"Son, you have called him that a couple of times today, that's how you see him don't you? You like having him around."

Steve was quiet for a minute, thinking over what Rae had just said. "Yeah, I do. I guess I haven't shown him that very much. Maybe I could take him out tonight, I haven't been dirt bike riding for a while, and we could do that together. As long as it's off road on private land it shouldn't be a problem for him to have a go." A broad smile crossed Steve's face. "It'll be fun."

"Look, you go, I'm gonna borrow a car from the pool anyway, so I'll go and finish up, sort out all the paperwork and I'll see you at the hotel tomorrow."

Once that was decided Steve dropped Rae off outside the station and headed towards Community General, noting that the sky was clear and that they should have an uninterrupted evening together.

Steve was surprised to see Jesse, Eliana and Anneya in the ER as he entered and all of a sudden was grabbed round the knees.

"Unki Teve, Unki Teve, Aii." 

Steve bent down and swept the little girl up into his arms. "Hey, Sweetie, how are you? And more to the point what are you doing here?"

"Alex called me, he has to go into surgery, and your dad had gone home, he wanted me to come and get Daniel. He tried you, but your cell wasn't answering." Jesse watched as his daughter began to kiss Steve, making loud kissy noises as she did so.

"Oh, hold on." Steve took it out of his pocket and looked at the display. "Seems ok to me, I guess I must have missed it, sorry." Steve shook it with his one free hand. "Call it now, see what happens. Oh, no you don't." Steve moved the phone out of the way of a little pudgy hand as it reached for it.

Jesse pulled out his own phone and punched in the familiar number, and then the two friends waited, and waited, nothing happened. "According to this it's ringing."

"I don't have it on ring, not all the time, I had it on vibrate, I guess it must be broken, great, another job to do. Thanks, Jess. So, where's Daniel?"

"He's just getting his things together in the doctor's lounge. I was gonna take him home with me, us living so close now, but I guess he would much prefer to go with you."

"I thought I would take him off for the evening, Jo and Debbie are staying at the Wilshire, David has a business dinner, and Michael is with Jo, so I figured, well no, actually it was something Rae said that made me think of it."

"Well, have fun, I am going to go home and wait for my wife. If you are finished she shouldn't be long should she?"

"No, she was just finishing up when I left. Hey, Sweetie, do you wanna get down?" 

Eliana was beginning to struggle in Steve's arms and so he gently lowered the little girl to the floor and then ran his hand over her hair. She looked up at him, the love shining in her eyes, and then she moved back across to her daddy.

"Steve, what are you doing here?" Daniel's voice cut through the air, and both men turned to see the young man; his backpack slung over one shoulder, walking down the hallway.

"I came to pick you up. I think we need to talk, don't you?" Steve tried to show that he was not impressed without scaring him too much.

"Yeah, I guess so. I'll see you later, Jesse."

"No problem, take care now, it'll be fine." Jesse took hold of his daughter's hand, and then picked up the baby carrier with the other and began to follow them out into the parking lot.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve and Daniel had been driving for about ten minutes before Steve glanced at the worried boy beside him. "There's no one home, what say we go and do something fun for a while? We can have that chat when we get back."

There was silence for a minute or two as Daniel wrestled with his conscience. Part of him didn't want to discuss things with Steve at all, another part would love to go and have some fun, whatever it was gonna be, but he knew that he needed to talk first.

"Can we just grab something to eat and talk?"

"Sure, if you want." Steve was surprised and he knew that it showed in his voice. "Barbeque do you? Just don't tell Michael."

Daniel smiled and nodded, not sure if his voice was strong enough to answer.

Bob's was just starting to get busy when they arrived, people finishing work and having a quick meal with colleagues always meant that the evening trade began early on a Friday night. Steve guided Daniel over to a table in the back of the restaurant and handed him a menu.

"What can I have?"

"Anything you like, except beer." Steve watched the boy, he knew that something was bothering him, but it was more than that. He had worked with teenagers, troubled ones mostly, and this child was worried, scared, guilty, and he just hoped that he could give him the guidance that he obviously needed.

"Some of this stuff is pretty expensive." Daniel was looking at all the different things on the menu.

"You think so? Oh, well, we don't normally have any complaints." Steve glanced at the prices; he thought they managed to keep things reasonable but then maybe Daniel never got the chance to come and do this, he and Jo sure hadn't done it with him, with an inward sigh he resolved to spend a lot more of his time with the boy.

"Can I have one of these combo things, and a soda? Then I can try everything." Daniel looked up, a expression of uncertainty on his face.

"Sure." Steve put his hand up and indicated to a waiter, who, to Daniel's surprise came straight over.

"Nathan, can I have one combo and I'll just have a plate of ribs and fries? Oh, and two sodas please."

"Sure thing, Steve. It'll be about five minutes, and I think we could probably do with some sauce for the weekend." Nathan wrote the orders down talking as he did so.

"Jesse was supposed to … oh, never mind, yeah, I'll do it before I leave, ok?"

"I'll let Roy know." With that Nathan headed to the kitchen and Steve turned round to see Daniel looking at him with undisguised confusion on his face.

"Daniel, what's the matter, you look a little … bewildered."

"You make the sauce? What sauce, and Jesse, I don't understand."

Realisation dawned and Steve laughed. "This is my restaurant, I own it, or at least I own a third of it, Jesse owns another third, and Dad is a silent partner. I'm sorry I guess it never came up. I don't tend to eat here as much as I used to, Michael always cooks, and so I guess I've gotten out of the habit of take out."

"If I owned a place like this I would eat here all the time. Wow." Daniel looked around, there were about ten to fifteen people sitting at tables and up at the counter, and all of them were eating and talking and generally having a good time.

Steve cleared his throat and Daniel turned to face him. "I think it's time for you to tell me what's eating you, don't you?"

Daniel just nodded his head, he could feel the tears come rushing to the surface but he forced them back down. He wished that they weren't in such a public place, that way he wouldn't make a fool of himself.

Steve saw the moisture in the boy's eyes and smiled at him. "Shall we move into the office? That way we'll have some privacy." Daniel just nodded his head and so Steve stood up and moved round the counter and into the kitchen behind.

Once they were seated, Steve in his normal place behind the desk and Daniel in front of it, he spoke again. "Do you want me to start you off?" Steve received another nod in answer to his question, and so he continued. "The kid at school, did he say something to you, or did you really hit him for no reason?"

"No, I wouldn't do that, he's been bugging me for ages now, and in the end I just couldn't take it any more, and I snapped. I didn't mean to hurt him; I just wanted him to shut up." Daniel's voice was quiet, but the emotion was there for Steve to see and hear.

"What did he say?"

"I don't want to tell you." Daniel tried to turn away, but he felt Steve's hand come up to his face and he cringed back.

"Daniel, I wasn't gonna hurt you, I was just going to do this." Carefully and with an extremely heavy heart Steve placed his hand on the side of Daniel's face and turned it so that the boy was looking at him. "I can promise you, you will never be hit, not under my roof, or my care, ok?"

"Yes, Sir." Daniel smiled, it was only a half smile, but it was full of meaning.

"Now, nothing that you can tell me is gonna shock me, I was no angel when I was a kid, just ask my dad, in fact, no, don't; I'm not sure I'll ever live it down."

"When you were at school did people make fun of you, or bully you?"

"Yeah, sometimes, I never got suspended, but I came pretty close once or twice. Are they making fun of you or are you being bullied?"

"In a way it's both, I guess." Daniel stopped talking again, partly because Nathan was coming with their order, but partly because he knew that sooner or later he was going to have to come clean.

"Or are they making fun of me, Jo or Michael? Is that it? They're saying things about us?"

"He said that I was a snob, that I shouldn't be going to that school any more, that it wasn't for the likes of me."

"And that is it? You didn't hit someone just for that?"

"No. It got worse." Daniel took a deep breath; now that the moment was here he found that he was desperate to unburden himself. "I don't care what Mr. Naegler said to you, that is a tough school, but I liked it because I just disappeared into it, you know. Nobody was interested in me, I could plod along at a steady pace and probably do well enough to graduate and maybe even get a steady job somewhere. But it is tough, there are gangs and fights and trouble all the time."

"So, something has changed, since you came to live with us?" Steve didn't want to interrupt but he did want Daniel to know that he was with him.

"Yeah, there aren't many kids who get dropped off at Rampart schools by an English butler, and the first week I was here M dropped me off every day. Well, the third day I was spotted and they heard him call me Master Daniel." He stopped talking for a moment and then he was back in the schoolyard the morning when it had all begun.

_"Master Daniel, oh my lord, it's Master Daniel! Well, I guess we will all be paying to speak with you now. So, who was the old guy in the car?"_

_Daniel had found himself up against a wall with an arm across his throat, and then there were hands in his pockets and going through his bag where they found his lunch money, and a letter that Jo had sent in explaining his change in circumstances. He had had it since the Monday and kept forgetting to hand it in._

_"Beverley Hills, you live in Beverley Hills, Master Daniel of __Beverley__Hills__.__ So, who was the old guy? Maybe I should speak with him when he comes to pick you up."_

_"No, no. Don't do that." Daniel's voice had been faint, and he knew that if this boy, whoever he was, didn't remove his arm quickly he was going to pass out._

_"Ok, I'll ask again, who is he?" The boy was right in Daniel's face now, and glared at him._

_"He … he works for my foster mom. Arghhh." The boy had thumped his arm across Daniel's throat and then stood and laughed as he fell choking to the ground. As Daniel lay there he watched his assailant rummage in his bag and take out the Discman that Steve and Jo had given him when he moved in with them.  Suddenly one of the other boys who had been keeping watch while it was all going on called out._

_"Naegler's coming."_

_"I'll want your lunch money every day, and a new CD every week, or your mom's 'employee' will get a little visit in the school parking lot, understand?"_

_Daniel had just nodded, and then to his relief they had left him alone._

He looked over at Steve, and realised that he had spoken aloud, and that his foster father knew exactly what had happened.

"What did Naegler say?"

"Nothing, he just told me to get up, collect my belongings and get to class… I've been paying them my lunch money … and getting them CD's ever since."

"Well, that stops right now, no wonder you always eat so much supper."  Steve decided against mentioning the Discman and was rewarded by a smile, so he kept talking. "There's more, isn't there? It got worse, yes?"

Daniel nodded his head, and once again delved into his memories to tell Steve what he had endured.

"_Hey, Master Daniel!"__ Ever since that fateful day when Daniel had been spotted in the parking lot this boy had called him that name. He had no idea who he was, he didn't attend any of his classes, and so lessons were still peaceful and he could just sit in the middle of the room and get on with his work, but as soon as he left the sanctuary of the classroom he was there goading him and hounding him._

_"You're living with a cop, aren't you?"_

_"What?" Daniel's heart had sunk, it was bad enough that Michael brought him to school sometimes, but now they knew about Steve._

_"I saw him, big tall blonde guy; he had a gun and a badge when he dropped you off the other day. So, not only have you got money, you have the ear of a cop, well now, that could prove useful. Where does he work?"_

_"I don't know. And I'm not doing anything that involves him. So just back off."_

"And they did for a while, but then last week it all started again, they were planning a job, I don't know what, and they wanted me to be in it."

"How did they know I was a cop?"

"It was the day that I had my school bag, my sports kit, and the stuff I had to take in for motor shop. You helped me carry it all in, I guess your jacket got caught up or something." Daniel shook his head, he hadn't wanted Steve to get out of the car, and he had been right.

"So what did they want you to do, or me to do?" Steve was getting a bad feeling about all of this, and he knew that somehow he had let his foster son down.

"They figured that if I was there you would pull some strings and get them all off so I wouldn't get into trouble. I got so worried about it that … well, M, he was the only one who knew. He figured it was because I was anxious about something, but I couldn't tell him what." Daniel looked down and the shame he felt made his cheeks burn.

"Daniel, tell me, I need to know it all." Steve's voice was soft and the boy knew that whatever he said, this man would help him.

"I… I wet the bed, and M said that I could stay home, and he would square it with Jo. I thought that if I wasn't there that they would do the job without me. Steve, I don't want to go back to juvenile hall, please, I want to stay with you. Don't send me back."

"Daniel, finish your story, ok?" Steve had taken the young man's hand in his, and he kept it there as he began to listen once again.

"I got into school and he was waiting. Roberto, I found out his name is Roberto. He wanted to know where I'd been, and I told him I was sick. He took my lunch money and left, but then today he was back. He said he'd looked you up, how could he do that?"

"He can't, keep going." Steve's voice was thin and strained now.

"He said that he knew you were a straight cop, and that he would let you know all these things that I had done, but I swear I haven't done anything, not since … well, not since I was with Zeke. He told me that the job was going to be tonight, and I would be there, or my life wouldn't be worth living. I couldn't cope with it any more, so I … I hit him. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." His voice broke as he tried to keep his emotions in check.

"Daniel, you have nothing to apologise for. Listen, I have to go and make the sauce, it won't take long, why don't you use the time to sort yourself out. Ok?"

Daniel nodded his head, and watched as Steve left the room.

It didn't seem more than about five minutes before he was back and Daniel, calm but still worried, looked at him and waited for the axe to fall.

Steve smiled, not realising what Daniel was still worried about. "Right, come on, I think that it is time we went home, we have a weekend to plan for."

"I can still stay with you? I can still come?" Daniel looked over at Steve, he had been looking forward to going to the ball, and thought he had blown any chance of being there.

"Of course, Michael needs you, and it's a family affair, our family wouldn't be complete if you weren't there."

With a huge sigh of relief Daniel smiled. "Can I just ask you one more thing?"

"Sure, what is it?"

"Would you mind if I called you Dad?"

A/N: I start a new job on Monday, so I will have to change the way I post a little. I shall still try to put a new chapter up every other day, but it will be in the evening from now on. Thank you for sticking with me and encouraging me with your words.

Tracy.


	36. Box Clever

**Box Clever**

Steve and Daniel had gone home, packed what they would need for the weekend and then headed into town. Rae and Jesse hadn't planned to join them until the Saturday lunchtime so that they could spend some time alone as a family. Even though Jesse had been off all week, Rae hadn't seen that much of him and she missed him.

Rae had told him what had happened in the impound yard, and Jesse insisted on checking her over and making her lie down for a while. She must have been far more tired than she thought because it was past seven before Jesse came back into their bedroom to wake her up.

"Rae, Sweetheart, if you stay here any longer you won't be able to sleep tonight." Jesse kissed her gently on the lips and then watched as she smiled and began to wake up.

"Mmm, what time is it?" Rae stretched her hands out above her head as far as they would go and her whole body was taut just for a moment and then she relaxed back down into the bed.

"Ten past seven, I'm just gonna bathe the girls, and I could use a hand." Jesse stroked the hair back from her forehead and looked into her eyes. She was the most beautiful woman he had ever known, and he still couldn't believe that she loved and wanted him.

"Hey." Rae blew a gentle breath into his face. "Where were you?"

"Oh, sorry, I was just looking at you, I love you, Rae."

Rae put her arms up and pulled him down towards her and began to kiss him tenderly, and then they both felt the bed move and looking towards the door saw Eliana trying her hardest to climb up and join them.

"Mommy, Daddy, aii. Yana, 'ere." The little girl beamed as her chubby legs finally did as she wanted them to, and then she fell onto the bed next to them.

"And you left her where?" Rae smiled at her husband, seeing the horrified look on his face.

"Downstairs in the … what did we decide to call it? The playroom? But I shut the door, I know I did."

"Jess, she's almost two and a half, doors are no problem, stairs aren't either, short of chaining her up she will now be able to follow you everywhere and you will just have to get used to it."

"But she could have gone anywhere in the house, fallen down the stairs, the bath already has the water in it she could have drowned!" 

"But she didn't, we were lucky this time, now go and get Anneya and I will get this little adventuress ready for her bath." Rae smiled as Eliana crawled up the bed so that she could put her arms around her mommy's neck, and then began to cry as Jesse picked her up so that Rae could get off the bed.

Three hours later Rae was sitting at her dressing table, a piece of newspaper spread out before her, polishing her silver jewellery ready for the ball the following evening, and Jesse was laying on the bed reading what was left of the paper.

"Oh, dammit!" Rae's voice suddenly split the quiet and peaceful atmosphere of the room.

"What's the matter? You don't usually swear." Jesse sat up on the bed and looked at his wife's reflection in the mirror.

"You know that little silver ring I bought? The one that matches the bracelet and watch, well it just skittered across and down the back of the dressing table…. And I can't see it on the floor." Rae's voice became muffled as she bent down and peered in through the space for her legs.

Jesse got down off the bed and moved across to where his wife was partially hidden by furniture. He knew how pleased she had been to find the ring in a jewellery store when they were out shopping one day. It matched her bracelet almost exactly, and as it was her silver jewellery that had shown the police that she hadn't committed murder, Rae had decided to treat herself to the piece to complete her set.  She had been wearing all three items when they lost the house, and, apart from her wedding and engagement rings, it was the only jewellery she now owned. Jesse knew that leaving it where it had fallen wasn't an option.

"Look, maybe we can just move the dressing table out and it will fall to the floor. You take one side and I'll take the other."

Rae extricated herself from the little well where she usually put her knees, brushed herself down and nodded. "Ok, hold on then." Carefully moving herself down the side of the piece of furniture they took a firm grasp of the table and pulled. Nothing happened, so they tried again, and still nothing.

"It must be screwed to the wall or something, it won't budge." Jesse pulled out the top drawer and peered inside. "No, it's on hooks; we need to lift it up. Atishoo." Jesse sneezed as he moved away from the dusty gap. "I don't think this has been cleaned out in years."

"Another little job to add to my list. Ok, then, on the count of three, lift."

"Hold on, Rae, are you alright to do this, what about your shoulders and your arms?" Jesse looked across at his wife, the concern evident in his eyes.

"If it hurts I'll stop, I promise. Now, one, two, three." The piece of furniture rose up in their hands and they both took four steps out into the room before putting it down. As they had lifted it they heard a light clanging sound and knew that the ring had found its way to the floor.

Rae moved over and crouched down to pick up the offending piece of jewellery and then turned round, as she did so, something else caught her eye. "There's a package on the back of the dressing table, look."

Jesse came round to where Rae was now standing, and could see, attached to the back of the fitment, a brown parcel. "What do you think it is?"

"I have no idea. It's quite big, what A4 size, maybe a little bigger? It looks like it has a lot of stuff in it. Whoever left it there must have forgotten all about it. I guess we should really go and get Jo, but she isn't home. We could take it off and give it to her tomorrow. I don't like to leave it there now we know about it." Rae reached out and touched the paper, almost as if she was afraid it would disappear.

The brown sticky tape that was holding it to the back of the table gave under her touch and Rae just managed to get both hands under it before it fell to the floor. Carefully she laid it on the bed, and they could both see that in beautifully ornate writing on the side which had been hidden to them were the words _For the Attention of Josephine Walters__._

They put the dressing table back it its place and then moved over to the package again. "Well, I guess there is no problem finding out who it's for then! Put it in the nightstand and we can go to bed."

"What, already? I'm not a bit tired yet." Rae looked over at her husband.

"Good, neither am I." Jesse beamed at her and took her by the hand.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The Saturday morning was one of frantic activity for both the Sloans and the Travises. Jo picked up her gown, had her hair done and then spent a very relaxing hour and a half with the manicurist. Steve and Daniel headed off to the hotel pool and spent the entire morning either in the water or sitting on the side watching the other swimmers, just enjoying each other's company.

Jesse and Rae packed up their things early and took Eliana and Anneya over to Sally. Once that was done they too booked into the hotel and, without any real enthusiasm on the part of either of them, headed downtown to shop for evening clothes.

It had been arranged beforehand that Jo, Steve and Daniel would meet up with Rae and Jesse at three, they would then spend an afternoon together just doing nothing very much before the final preparations for the evening began.

Rae was just hanging her new dress in the closet next to the deep blue tux that she had persuaded Jesse to buy instead of black when she felt the presence of someone behind her and turned to find Jo smiling and waving her fingers at her.

"Hey, you look wonderful; I love your hair and your nails, wow!"

Jo's nails were always long and painted but now they had just a French polish on them, but the white at the top of the nails had a small diamante on the left edge of each one. "I felt like goin' a little bit overboard, what do you think?"

"I think they look just stunning, mine will look ordinary by comparison, but then it is your night." Rae smiled at her friend, and then suddenly leant over and kissed her gently on the cheek. "You have worked so hard for this, and I know it will be a big success. Mark and Steve will be just thrilled."

"Thank you. I uh, I changed the seatin' arrangements, _Debs _said that the way we had it before reminded her of her boardin' school, which was probably a reform school, but she had a point." Jo couldn't help her sarcasm, but Rae just laughed.

"You're a wicked woman; you need to give her a chance. It's difficult to join a ready made group, and we are a bit cliquey you know."

"Mmm." Jo didn't seem at all impressed, but then she remembered something. "Ooh, I got you that glittery hairspray you wanted."

"Thank you. When your hair is this short there isn't much you can do to it, well, apart from dying it purple, or making it glisten, and I think that Jess might have something to say if I did the first thing."

"Yeah, I think he just might. So, I have the cucumber, the face pack, the chocolate, an' I even have a Michael Ball CD, so we can just chill out for an hour or two, an' let the world pass us by, what do you say?"

"I think it sounds wonderful, but what are the men going to do?" Rae smiled and linked hands with her friend.

"Steve has the steam room booked; he, Daniel an' Jess can go an' make sure their suits fit."

"Did you show Daniel his yet?" Rae smiled again; they had raided the boy's closets to get his size and then bought him a smart suit for the occasion.

"Last night, Steve showed him as they packed to come here, an' he said that I could introduce him an' tell everybody who he is… They had a long talk yesterday, an' I need to thank you for gettin' Steve to listen. I think Daniel will be a permanent fixture now. He, … he asked Steve if he could call him Dad, an' this mornin' he asked me if I wouldn't mind him callin' me Mom." Jo's eyes were suddenly bright with tears and she hugged her friend.

"Oh, Texas, I am just so pleased. And I didn't do anything, you have worked wonders with the boy, he is so much more open and likeable than when he first came. He'll be just fine, you'll see." Rae returned the hug, and then, arm in arm, they went off to get themselves settled for their relaxation time.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Dad?"

"Yeah, Daniel, what is it?" Steve smiled, he didn't think he would ever tire of hearing his son call him that.

"How long did you say we had to stay in here?" Daniel wiped his brow with the back of his hand, he had been delighted to be included in Steve's whole day, but now he was wishing that he was in the games arcade and not the sauna.

"Until we don't think we can stand it any longer, but if you want to go off and do other things that's fine, just make sure you're back in the room by six thirty or your mom's gonna start worrying."

"Ok, see ya later, Jesse, you too." Daniel let out a sigh of relief, and then, making sure that his towel was firmly around his waist, moved over towards the door.

"Don't lose all your allowance." Jesse smiled; he knew just where the boy was going.

"Jess?"

"Mmm." Jesse had his eyes closed and was leaning back against the wall. He hadn't done this in a long time, but it was good, and he needed to switch off for a while.

"Does it still give you a thrill when Eliana calls you daddy?"

"Oh yeah, I love it. It's so good, it makes your toes curl, if you know what I mean."

Steve laughed, "I do know what you mean, I'm feeling the same way right now."

"I noticed that he's calling you Dad. Rae told me you and he were gonna have a talk yesterday, I guess it worked out ok, huh?"

"Better than ok, but he's having trouble at school, and I need to sit down with Jo and sort out what we are gonna to do.  I plan to talk to his principal when he goes back to school next week, he was excluded when he shouldn't have been, and I don't want that on his permanent record."

"Well, you can't do anything about it this weekend, so put it out of your mind. We have to wander around all evening with a mask over our faces, bid on auction items and then dance the night away, I don't think you have time to concentrate on anything else."

"Mmm, I guess you're right." The room descended into a comfortable and friendly silence, as the two men let their thoughts wander away in different directions, knowing that, for the next hour at least, the world couldn't touch them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Texas?"

"Yeah, Rae, what is it?" Jo and Rae had finished their pampering and were setting out their make up and having a light snack when Rae began to speak.

"I had to move the dressing table in our bedroom last night, and I found a package taped to the back of it. It's addressed to you, I brought it with me. You don't have to look at it now, but I just want to hand it over to you."

Rae had the package in the bottom of her suitcase and she took it out and gave it to her friend.

"That's my grandmamma's handwritin'. I wonder what's in it? It's kinda excitin' isn't it, should we open it d'you think?" Jo looked at it turning it over and over as she did so.

"Honey, it's up to you, you have so much on your mind right now, I'm sure another day won't matter… She's been dead a long time."

"True, but if I don't open it I'll be wonderin' all evenin' what it is." Jo looked at the package and then she shook it, it made no sound, but it was heavy and she knew she just had to know what was in it.

Carefully, Jo peeled the tape back and then began to cut into the paper with the letter opener from the desk in front of her. Once the outside covering had been removed they could both see that inside were three or four individual envelopes.

"This one has my momma and pappa's name on the front, this is me, an' David, an' this one … this one doesn't have anythin' written on it. It's intruigin' isn't it?"

"Oh yeah, I love a mystery, so, what are you going to do?"

"I think I will open the one with my name on it an' see what it says."

Carefully, using the letter opener once again, Jo began to open an envelope that had been closed for many years.

"Hey, Mom, look I what I won." Daniel came bursting into the room, and Jo put the envelope down on the dressing table and turned to see the enjoyment lighting up the face of her foster son as he handed her a wristwatch.

"Ok, an' you can win these in a sauna can you?" 

For a moment his face clouded but then Daniel realised that Jo wasn't angry with him and he smiled again. "I uh, I got kinda bored and Dad said I could go and play the machines. I thought that this was pretty and you would like it, so I won it for you." He handed over a dainty, if inexpensive, woman's watch. It had an oval face with a diamante where the 12 should have been, and a black patent leather-look band.

"Honey, thank you so much, it matches my nails, I will wear it tonight." Jo leant over and kissed him quickly on the cheek, and then laughed as he blushed. "I guess at fourteen kissin' is out, huh?"

"Well, Rae's here." Daniel's blush deepened and then he gaped as Rae stuck her tongue out at him.

"I have an eighteen year old son and a married son of almost twenty-one, and they won't let me kiss them either."

"Twenty-one, wow, you must be way older than Mom … oh, sorry, I guess that's rude."

"I was a teenage bride, and I may just bide my time, but revenge will be mine young man!" Rae darted at him and Daniel backed away, the enjoyment still radiating from his face, and she laughed out loud. As the horseplay continued the door opened again and Jesse and Steve entered the room.

"Hey, what's all this? I thought you had to be respectful in the presidential suite." Jesse could see that Rae was chasing Daniel and so when he got closer to him he just grabbed him round the waist and held him fast. "So, what's it worth, do I keep you or let you go?"

"Let me go, Jesse, please." Daniel was laughing as he spoke, and squirming in the doctor's grip.

"Keep him, Jess, he thinks I'm old." Rae advanced on the boy her hands out in front of her and just as she got there Jesse released him and Daniel darted away again.

As everybody laughed and played around her Jo gathered up the envelopes that Rae had given her and quietly put them into her suitcase. Rae was right, there would be another time. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The fund raising ball for Community General hospital and the Los Angeles Police Foundation had become, much to Steve and Jo's amazement and delight, one of the highlights of the social calendar, and the tickets had been going for the amazing price, at least to Steve, of $250.00 apiece. There had been 400 tickets and so already, before the evening began, $100,000.00 had been raised.

The dressmaker that Jo had used was the one that she would have gone to had she had the wedding she had originally envisaged. The dress that she had made for her was, in Rae's opinion exquisite, and she knew that it would make her look even more stunningly radiant that she normally did, now that she was Mrs. Steve Sloan.

The dress was a very soft dusky pink silk, and fell in deep waves from a tight waist. There were no sleeves, the dress was boned and without straps.  The top was embroidered in very delicate gold thread and the patterns followed the natural contours of her body, and accentuated her figure.  She had her hair up in a French pleat, but there were tendrils falling softly around her face and down her back all in naturally curling ringlets.

Jo wore a beautiful necklace that looked as if it was a branch that wound its way around her neck. No one except herself and Steve knew the significance of the piece. It was made of rose coloured gold, and every now and again the gold branched off into small blunt thorns, there was a violet coloured jewel here and there, and deep red rubies as well. The violet jewels were to remind her of the flowers in her glade, the thorns were from the roses, which hadn't been in bloom when they were there, but would be the next time they visited, and the rubies were for her beloved Scarlet. Steve had given it to her when they returned from their honeymoon and she knew that it was something he had designed himself and had made especially for her.  

The day that they had spent in the glade together had been one of Jo's happiest memories of her life with Steve. She had realised the significance of the necklace as soon as she saw it, the ride across the fields, the picnic, the way they had opened up and talked to each other, now she knew just how important it had been to her husband as well, and although she didn't get the chance to wear it very often she adored it. 

The temptation to have a costume ball had been one that was easily dismissed; instead they had decided to have a masked ball. Each guest had a lorgnette, which had either a plain black winged mask on it for the men, or a sequinned or glittering mask for the women. Jo's mask was far more ornate than all the rest, as befitted her position as organiser and hostess.

All of the food had the masked theme running through it. There was a salmon mousse, which had been masked by strips of smoked salmon. Followed by a Boueff en Croute which was a beautiful piece of beef, masked with puff pastry, and for desert they had Baked Alaska, wonderfully cold ice-cream, masked by the meringue. Although both Rae and Jo had thought that the menu would be one of the most difficult things to organise it had been sorted out remarkably quickly, with the two of them and Michael only spending an afternoon planning it. The requirements of the vegetarian, vegan and other dietary restricted guests had been catered for by Michael alone, he loved a challenge, and all their food was also masked in some way or other. However, the guest who had called to say that she would be half way through a cabbage and water diet had been told they would be unable to cater for her.

"For goodness sakes," Jo had said, "One night, she could come off the darn thing for one night, but I have to say I wouldn't want to be sittin' next to someone who had only been eatin' cabbage for a week, mask or no mask!"

The pre-dinner drinks and conversation had been buzzing for just under the hour when a large gong was sounded in the ballroom and Michael's voice could be heard booming across the room. "My Lords, ladies and gentlemen, dinner is served."

The general buzz heightened for a moment and then reduced as people found their partners and made their way through to the elegant and beautifully decorated dining room. All the tables were covered in pure white damask tablecloths, with deep burgundy diamonds placed across the middle. At each place setting was a mask shaped menu and name card.

Rae, knowing that Texas had changed the seating arrangements found, to her utmost relief, that she was sitting with Alex beside her one side, and Ron the other. Across the table Jesse was sitting with Amanda and Shannon. Rae had turned with a big smile and said "Well, Agent Wagner, how do you feel now you are mixing with the rich and famous of Los Angeles?"

"A little bit out of my depth, but it's fun isn't it?" He had smiled at her, and Rae knew that he really was enjoying himself.

"Oh yeah, and she is just having a wonderful time herself." Rae turned in her seat and looked at her friend, Jo and Steve were sitting on the top table, Mark to one side of Jo and, Mrs Baardsdatter was next to Steve. To everyone's delight Madison was sitting next to Mark.  When Mark had asked if he could invite the previous dean to be his guest at Steve and Jo's wedding they had all been so pleased that he wanted to do that. Unfortunately she had been unable to come but the friendship seemed to have been re-kindled between them, and Rae knew that they spoke on the phone regularly, and had met a number of times since the wedding. David was sitting beside Madison and they seemed to be getting on well too. Next to Steve the other side was Debs, and Jo seemed to have gotten over her initial animosity, at least for tonight anyway.

Rae turned to Alex and smiled at him, she had always thought that he looked very handsome in his tux, but he had blossomed since he had started going out with Shannon. She looked across the table and could see her husband deep in conversation with Alex's girlfriend. Shannon had been very concerned about coming to the ball, even though the tickets had been given to her, Alex, Amanda, Ron and themselves by Steve and Jo. She had worried and worried about the type of dress to wear, and in the end Jo had taken her shopping and they had found a gold coloured dress which was tight fitting and showed off her figure and made her black hair look even more stunning than usual.

All of her friends had great figures, and Rae was delighted to be able to have a chance to show her own off for a change. The first dress she had bought had been just beautiful, but it was gone and so she'd had to settle for second best. The gown she had chosen earlier in the day was tightly fitting, but trailed across the floor a little at the back. It was black in colour and although almost perfectly plain on the front had intricate strap work across the back of it. There was a sprinkling of glitter running from just above one breast and up and over the shoulder on a thin strap, and then the glitter was used again to highlight the split up the side of the dress almost to the hip, and Rae knew that without the split she wouldn't have been able to move at all. It wasn't as gorgeous as the first dress that she had bought, which had made her feel like a million dollars, and look about the same, and although Jesse had told her he thought she looked really sexy in everything she wore, somehow it would have meant more if he hadn't been married to her.

After the meal was finished the top table was cleared, and the people sitting there moved over to two new smaller tables that were added at the top of the room. Jo would now be sitting near to Alex, and before she sat down she moved over to speak with Rae, waggling her lorgnette as she did so.

"Well, Honey, so far I think you an' I pulled this off. What d'you say?"

"I agree, the food was wonderful, the conversation before dinner was very complimentary, and I heard people commenting on the décor as they came in." Rae put her hand over her friend's, which was resting on the table and turned to smile at her. "I am just so sorry that I couldn't help with the organisation right through to the end."

"Don't you worry none about that, I know that work has to come first, I was just delighted that the reason you had to cut back on this was because you were back to bein' a cop… What?"

"I think they're waiting for you." Rae let her gaze move over Jo's shoulder, and Jo turned round to see that the replacement table had been put up where she had been sitting, and so she moved back across to where Michael was standing, and took the microphone she was handed.

"Ladies an' gentlemen, I can't thank y'all enough for comin' to this fund raisin' occasion, an' I just know that this part of the evenin' is gonna be just as much fun as everythin' else has been so far. This is our auction, some are promises of services, others are actual items, an' some are things that, no matter how much money you have, normally you just can't buy."

"Now, before I hand over to Michael, who is going to be our auctioneer, and Daniel, our foster son, who is his gopher, I just want to mention a few people. This auction is for Community General Hospital an' the Police Benevolent Society. I would like to thank all the people who work in the hospital an' on our streets helpin' to make them a safer place to be, some of whom are here tonight, for the job that they do. We live in a violent city, an' they are the people who have to sweep up after us. I would like to thank everyone who has donated to this auction, there is a booklet bein' handed round right now, an' all our generous friends will have their names in it." Jo paused for a minute as she checked in front of her, and sure enough she could see the books being given to the guests. "I have to say that although this evenin' seems to have been a success, it is a long time since I organised anythin' like this, an' I have never done so on this scale. Without the encouragement of my wonderful husband, Steve, I wouldn't have had the confidence to start, an' without the help of my best friend, Rae, well, start is all I would have done, an' now I have finished hoggin' the mic, an' I am gonna leave the evenin' to Michael an' the first auction item."

Jo gave the microphone to her butler, and then went and sat back down, she smiled across at Steve who was sitting opposite her, and at Jesse, then as Michael hit his gavel to begin the auction the room fell silent.

As the first item was introduced Rae noticed the Chief come into the room, and to her surprise he had with him Mrs Davenport. One of the ushers at the entrance to the ballroom showed him to his table, and he raised his mask to his face as he began to join in with the evening's entertainment.

Rae leant over towards her husband and he listened carefully as she lowered her voice before speaking. "Remember the lady who was a friend of the Chief?" Jesse shook his head and so Rae continued. "The one who wanted me to vouch for Steve and made us take our shoes off?" This time Jesse nodded. "Well, she wasn't lying, she must be either a very good friend or his grandma, she's his guest for tonight … no, don't look, just do it casually later." Rae almost hissed as her husband went to turn round in his chair.

There had been some wonderful items finding new homes for just over two hours before one that Rae knew Texas had her eye on came up and she wondered whether it would stay at a low enough level for her to buy it for her friend. Texas had decided that she wouldn't bid on any of the items, in case people would hold back so that she got what she wanted.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Lot number seventy-two is a set of the complete works of one of our newer and extremely popular authors, going under the pen name of S.A. Lee, each story is signed and numbered 'two'. The author herself has all the issues numbered 'one'. This is a set of books that would be impossible to buy anywhere but here tonight. I will start the bidding at twenty-five dollars."

Giving herself a limit of $150 Rae raised her hand into the air, a feeling of anticipation coursing through her as she did so.

Ten minutes later Rae was the proud owner of the set of stories, and her bank account was down $200. She knew that she had spent more than she had planned, but she really didn't mind and it had been really exciting.

"The next item, Ladies and Gentlemen isn't in your brochure. This was a late donation by an anonymous donor. As you can see it is a beautiful box, hexagonal in shape with an intricate marquetry inlay." Daniel picked up the box and began to move between the tables, making sure that he went past the table containing Mr. Louis Mabriant on his outward and inward journey. Michael had pointed the man out to him and mentioned that he was likely to bid very highly for the box. Once Daniel had returned to the front Michael began to speak again. "There is a note that comes with this box, Ladies and Gentlemen, stating that the instructions for opening it will be left with the hotel later in the week. We will start the bidding on this item at $100."

Rae had sat and watched in amazement as the price for the box had risen steadily until finally Mr. Mabriant was the exuberant winner, parting with $800 for his prize.

"Why would anybody want that?" Alex leant over and spoke to her and she smiled at him.

"I have no idea, but I'm glad they do. It helps the price to go up and up if you have two people willing to battle it out. I wonder if there is anything in the box." Rae watched as Daniel delivered it to its new owner and received a cheque in its place.

The rest of the auction proceeded as planned, although Rae had to laugh when Steve and Mark both began bidding on the same item until they realised what they were doing. As she had expected Mark was gracious and let his son carry on bidding, not wanting to do him out of something he so obviously wanted.

The item had been a movie poster of 'Way Out West' starring Laurel and Hardy, and both stars of the movie had signed it. Rae looked across at Jesse and raised her eyebrows as her partner finally won the item for a little over $1,200. She guessed that in some things they were worlds apart now.

By the time all the items and promises had been auctioned off, and the tables removed so that the guests could dance the rest of the night away, a little over $500,000 had been raised, to be added to the $100,000 from the ticket sales and another $175,000 in donations from invited guests unable to attend, and in place of auction items. Jo was ecstatic, and as the band began to play its first number she swept Steve onto the dance floor, not caring that he would want it to be the other way around.

As Rae and Jesse danced close to them they heard Jo speaking in an excited but slightly cross manner.

"All I'm sayin' is, that if you had told me you wanted it I would have given it to you, an' found somethin' else for the auction."

"Honey, if I had known it was yours I might well have done, but the money is going to a good cause, and it isn't for me anyway, it's for Dad."

Rae looked at her husband, and whispered to him. "He spent all that money, and Texas owned it in the first place. Oh my."

"It bothers you, doesn't it, that he spent over a thousand dollars on that picture?" Jesse looked at his wife, and he could see that he was right.

"Yeah, it does, a little… do you think that the money will ever come between us? I mean they have so much of it, and, well, we will never have anything like as much as them. It didn't bother me before, but, well, I spent two hundred dollars on those books for Texas, and Steve spends twelve hundred on his Dad, I guess we are the poor relations."

They were close to two empty chairs, and so Jesse stopped dancing and guided Rae to the seats. Once they were sitting down he looked at her. "Now listen to me. There is nothing that breaks up marriages and friendships like the power of money. If you think that way then that is what will happen to us and Jo and Steve. They don't care how much money we have, and I really didn't think that you did either. I'm surprised at you, Rae, and I have to say a little disappointed too. It's the thought that counts." Jesse watched Rae pull a face, but he wouldn't be distracted. "Ok, it's a cliché, but it's true. Jo is gonna be just delighted that you bought the books for her, it doesn't matter how much they cost, you did that for her, just as Steve bought the poster for Mark, neither of them are gonna think about the size of the gift, but the love that goes with it."

Rae felt ashamed of her thoughts and was about to reply when she saw Mr. Mabriant making his way across the dance floor towards Steve, the mystical box in his hands. After making what was clearly, to anyone watching, an embarrassed apology he began to talk, after a moment Steve looked around until his eyes rested on Rae, and he nodded in her direction in a way that she knew meant that he wanted her, now.

"Jesse, I have to go see what Steve wants." Rae looked at her husband, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that." Then she got up and moved away before Jesse could say anything else.

Steve had moved into the room that had housed all the auction items and was waiting for Rae to join him. As soon as she did so he shut the door and indicated for her to watch him.

"This is that box, the one that was donated anonymously."

"Yeah, I know, it cost that guy $800. I am guessing that there is something a little, unusual about it."

"You could say that. It has the foot letter in it."

"What? Oh, you're joking, ok, I know you're not, but …" Rae stopped talking, her mind though was working, hard, and she still couldn't process what Steve had just told her. "It has a letter from S. Todd in it?"

"That's what I said. Do you want to hear it? It has fingerprints all over it I would imagine, but, I never leave home without them." Steve held up his hands and Rae was amazed to see that there was a set of gloves on them.

"You have latex gloves in your tux? Wow."

"Don't ask. Ok, now the box is open, but obviously when it was purchased it was shut. Apparently Mr. Mabriant found it extremely challenging and it took him just over an hour to open. Once he had done so there was this letter. The box will be covered with his prints, and he took the letter out to read, hoping, no doubt, that it led to buried treasure, unfortunately he was disappointed, and not a little disgusted."

"So, what does it say?" Rae smiled at her partner, and the feeling of guilt at what she had been thinking about him just a few minutes earlier was almost tangible.

"It says …

_So, Stevie,_

_How is the evening going? Did you raise a lot of money? Maybe I already know how much you made. As you can see this was a little harder to find than the other letters, but it was just so much fun. By the way the box never was a family heirloom; I paid fifty dollars cash for it. Did I get a good deal? Did you make a killing on it? Ha ha. Are you laughing? No, probably not. _

_So, did your partner like what I left in her car? I so wanted it to be on the accelerator, but it just kept falling off._

_What will be next? Well, I have another confession to make to you. The tramp that was sleeping with Crosier, I loved her once, and I am finding it hard to cut her up. Maybe I'll send you all of her; I guess you had better watch out for the postman._

_Take care, Stevie,_

_I'll be seeing you._

_S. Todd._


	37. Old Sins Cast Long Shadows

**Old Sins Cast Long Shadows**

Rae read the letter through twice before she even began to consider its implications. She knew that this letter gave away something about the sender, and, apart from a warped sense of humour, they seemed to know precious little about him so far. The two of them were no longer party guests, but detectives working a case, and they were quiet for a long time, both of them trying to put the letter in perspective against the information they already had. "Well, I guess we had better go and let Ron know about this. That is an interesting personality trait." Rae was looking at the letter again as she spoke.

"What, you mean about his… well, I have always presumed she is his wife." Steve looked over at Rae and watched as she read the words again.

"Yes, that's what I mean. It didn't seem to bother him at the start, although we did say that he was treating her differently to Crosier."

"Yeah, we did, didn't we?" Steve nodded his head and moved to take the letter back.

"I guess we're getting good at this deduction lark." There was laughter in her voice as Rae spoke.

"I would say so, but I would also guess that we had better get back to the ball, after all we have been in this closet together for a while!" Steve laughed and carefully put the letter into the box. Rae turned to open the door, but as she did so, she caught the heel of her shoe in the hem of her dress and fell into Steve's arms. "Hey, steady, are you all right?" Steve gently stood her upright again and was relieved to see her nod.

"I am, long dresses and high heels are not my usual garb, I'm just not used to them. Sorry." Rae crouched down and inspected her dress, and was relieved to see that she hadn't ripped it, then she carefully stood back up and opened the door to the small room, which she supposed was about the size of a cupboard.

As Rae and Steve came back into the ballroom they could see that the number of guests had diminished, and there were only about thirty couples on the dance floor.

They both looked for Ron Wagner, and saw him dancing with Amanda right in the middle of the dance floor. "I think this can wait until Monday."

"Why not? You know I reckon we were in there longer than we thought! Where did everybody go?" Rae looked around and saw her husband dancing with Shannon and so she moved across towards where Jo was, to her surprise, talking with Debbie.

"Rae, Honey, where did you go? I have had your husband comin' over an' askin' me what I have done with you an' I had to say I had no idea!" Jo looked delighted to see her friend, and Rae had a feeling that it was Debbie talking to Jo and not the other way around.

Rae made a theatrical attempt at looking all around her and then leant over and whispered conspiratorially, "I was in a closet with your husband!"

Jo laughed and then smiled. "It's a good thing I trust you. Oh, great." Jo's voice changed and Rae turned to see what the problem was. "Mr. Mabriant, he wants his money back, because of the distress caused when he opened the box."

"What he means is the letter didn't tell him where the treasure was buried." Rae shook her head. "Want me to speak with him. Official investigation and all that guff?" Rae put her hand on her friend's arm as she spoke.

"Actually I don't think either of you ladies will have to bother, look." Debbie pointed a finger, with a pink painted, incredibly long nail on it, and the two friends turned to see the angry owner being intercepted by Steve.

"Well, I think I will go and grab my husband and try to get a couple more dances with him before the evening ends, Texas, I'll see you later, Debs, you too." Rae smiled and then made her way back over to where she could see Jesse talking with Alex and Shannon.

"Hey, Rae, where did you go? I thought you were just gonna have a word with Steve, and the next thing I know you are both gone."

Rae lowered her voice to a whisper once again, and Jesse, Alex and Shannon leant in closer. "That box, the one that had an anonymous donor?"

"Yeah, it was pretty, Daniel brought it round past us and we got a good look at it." Shannon smiled. She would have liked to own something like that, but $800 was way out of her league, in fact everything had been out of her league, but she had still had a wonderful time.

"Just be glad you didn't bid on it. There was a letter inside it, from S. Todd."

"You're kidding!" Alex looked at his friend, and the shocked expression on his face made her laugh, but she still shook her head.

"Why do people say that? I wouldn't have said it was there if it wasn't. We now have a set of letters that match the bits and pieces. Which is a worry, guys, you really need to check everything that belongs to you which is big enough for … well, you know what it needs to be big enough for."

"We'll be careful, and anything that we think is doubtful we call you or Steve, yes?"  Alex looked concerned, and Rae could see that he had moved closer to Shannon.

"Ideally yes, but get on to the station, they will either get hold of us if you can't, or send someone to deal with it." As Rae finished speaking the band began to play a slow tune, and both Jesse and Alex walked their partners onto the dance floor and, holding them tightly in their arms, forgot all about dismembered bodies, anonymous letters, and anything other than the moment.

Jo found herself back with _Debs_ after a leisurely dance with Steve, and she could see her brother's girlfriend eyeing her gown. In the end unable to stand it any more she exploded.

"Debbie, do I have dinner down my dress or somethin' only you keep lookin' at me as if I do."

"No, I was just lookin' at the glitter that you have on your top. I guess you must have gotten it from Steve when you were dancin' just now. Y'know, Rae has that in her hair, an' he has it all over his jacket. Now, I wonder how that happened…? They were in that closet a mighty long time to just be readin' a letter." Debbie picked up her drink then, and, before Jo could reply, moved back over to where David was standing, and before many more minutes had elapsed they had retired to their room.

It was a little after two before Jo, Steve, Rae and Jesse finally made their way up to the presidential suite, and all four of them were delighted that they had arranged to be guests of the hotel overnight. Daniel was already fast asleep, and Mark, who was staying just down the hallway, had remained in the suite so that the boy wasn't alone. Steve had smiled when he had offered, knowing that his dad already thought of him as the grandchild he had never had.

Nobody stirred the next day before eleven o'clock, except for Daniel, and he took full advantage of the pay per view movies until someone else staggered into the living room.

That someone was Jesse, and before Daniel knew it the doctor was making himself comfy on a recliner chair, a soda and some chips by his side, enjoying the film along with him.

"Hey, Jesse … d'you want me to turn this off?" Daniel looked a little worried.

"What? No, no, I came to watch with you." 

"Gee, I wish M would let me have chips and soda for breakfast, can you imagine his face?"

"Oh yeah, but he's not here is he…? Here you go." Jesse stood up put his supplies next to the boy and then went and got some more for himself.

By half past twelve everybody was up, and, although none of them looked as glamorous or smart as they had the night before, they were all loath to return to the normality of their everyday lives.

"Well, I guess we could all go an' have lunch somewhere." Jo looked around at the four other people in the room. 

"Bob's, we could all go there, couldn't we?" Daniel burst into the conversation, hoping to get his point across first.

"Mmm, the Beverley Hills Hotel to Barbeque Bob's, high culture all the way then!" Rae turned away her hand covering her mouth as she sniggered, only to have her husband cuff her on the shoulder.

"Hey, I'm very proud of that restaurant." Rae turned back and kissed him gently on the lips.

"So you should be. You asked me out for the first time in there, remember?" Jesse didn't say anything, but a silly grin appeared on his face, and Rae knew that he remembered just fine.

In the end it had been decided that Rae and Jesse would go and pick up their daughters from Sally; Jo, Steve, and Daniel would see David and Debbie off on their flight back to Texas. They would then all meet at Bob's for dinner, and during the afternoon they would invite Amanda, Ron and the boys, Mark and Madison and Alex and Shannon to join them.

"There won't be room for anybody else in the place." Jo had laughed as she spoke, but Steve had looked across at Jesse and then spoken himself.

"So, we'll close half of the restaurant for the night. This weekend has cost a fortune so far, one more night isn't gonna make much difference."

"Well, if you're sure, it would make a real nice finish up to a wonderful two days. Thank you, darlin'." Jo had kissed her husband on the lips, and then they had begun to pack everything away.

"What about M?" Daniel suddenly realised that the other member of his family had been forgotten.

"Well, we could ask him, but we have asked before, an' he has never said yes… I tell you what, Honey, why don't you go an' ask him, he is just down one floor, room 393…74, I think."

With a smile the boy had left the room, and the adults had returned to their packing. As she put the first items into her suitcase Jo found the envelopes that Rae had given her the previous day. She took them out, and then quietly, so that no one would see her, she went into the living room, made herself comfortable on one of the chairs and took out the contents of the package addressed to her.

_My darling child,_

This letter and the rest of the contents of this package have been hidden well for two reasons, one, I am still not sure if I am doing the right thing by giving you all this. Michael thinks not, and will probably be very distant and stuffy when he finds out you have it; you know how he can get. The other reason is that it will doubtless upset you, and I really don't want to do that.

_Honey, I have thought about this long and hard and when you joined the police force I almost told you then, but now, before I die I need to write it all down for you. If you never find it then so be it, if you do and decide not to do anything about it, well, I guess that is your prerogative._

I want you to go back to Texas, maybe for a long time, but it needs to be done. You have to get all the information on the fire that killed your mamma and pappa and go over it with the policewoman's eye that you once had.

_Josephine, I have always known that there was something odd about the way that your folks died, and you need to investigate it. Your papa was a good man, he was my only son and I loved him very much, but, however blinkered I may have been, I still know he was good. He slipped up a couple of times, but he would never have done what they said he did._

_Look into it my sweet, go over everything you can find, I thought then and I still think now, that your parents were dead before the fire started, see if I am right. Somebody caused you and your brother to be brought up by your grandpa and me, and even though we loved you completely, we could never replace your real parents._

_The other envelopes are all for you except the one for David, give it to him and then leave him be. If he wants to he will tell you what is in it._

_Remember always that I love you my child,_

Florence G. Walters 

Jo read the letter through twice, and then unable to see the words any longer through the tears in her eyes she let it fall to her lap and tried to compose herself.

"Texas, are you ok?"

Jo knew who it was, only Rae called her Texas, and normally she loved it, but now the sympathy in her friend's voice was too much for her and she shook her head and then silently picked up the letter and handed it to her.

Rae read it through quietly and reflected how letters were shaping everyone's lives right now. "Oh, Honey, I am so sorry. Come here." Rae held her arms out and was relieved when Jo went gratefully into them. The letter was now on the table, and although Rae had read it all through she couldn't help letting her eyes run over it again. "I know you only just saw this, but what do you think you will do?"

"I have to go don't I? Rae, if my parents were murdered then I have to find out why. I don't remember them at all, I was five when they died, an' all my life I have wondered what they were like, whether they would be proud of me, an' then doubted that they would. Maybe if I can solve this they will look down from on high an' be glad that I'm their daughter." Jo tried to turn in her friend's arms, suddenly uncomfortable that she had told someone one of her deepest fears. She felt Rae's hand as it rested on her cheek and then gently applied some pressure until she was looking down into the dark brown, concerned but friendly, eyes of the best friend she had ever had.

"Oh, Texas, they will be looking down now and seeing a beautiful, poised, successful woman, married to the man she loves, raising a child who has blossomed under her care, and they will be thankful that you bear their name. You have never, all you life, forgotten them. Honey, I'm proud to call you my friend, and they would be doubly so to call you their daughter."

The tears were running freely down Jo's face now, and she hugged her friend tightly as she fought for control. Gradually her breathing steadied, and she moved back to look Rae in the eye. "Thank you, Rae; I don't know what else to say."

"You don't have to say anything, but you must show that to Steve, later tonight when you get home, either before or after Bob's, but share it with him, you can't do this on your own."

"I will, I promise. An' I will give David his envelope to take home with him. Think I can persuade him not to show it to Miss Prissy Knickers?"

"No, but I know you will have a jolly good try." Rae grabbed a tissue from the box on the small table by the side of her and Jo wiped away the last of her tears. Then, picking up the letter and taking a deep breath she returned to the bedroom, Rae following closely and, unbeknownst to Jo, shaking her head so that neither Steve nor Jesse asked her what the matter was.

In the end it was just after seven that night before everybody gathered in Barbeque Bob's for an impromptu party. Rae and Jesse put Anneya into a high chair, and Eliana onto a booster seat, and they sat there a little bemused by all the activity but captivated by it as well. Rae had called into a grocery store on the way over and bought some baby food, a box of bread sticks and some juice. 

Rae sat down at one of the tables, and snuggled up to her husband. "Jess?"

"Yeah?" Jesse moved slightly so that he could rest his wife's head on his shoulder.

"Has Michael ever been here before?"

"No, I don't think so. Apparently he 'had enough barbeque to last him a life time' while he was in Texas, and he had no wish to try it again, why?"

"Well, I guess he knows what he's doing then, and probably trying to make a point, but he's eating his ribs with a knife and fork!"

Jesse looked over to where the manservant was sitting, talking with Mark and Madison, and, as Rae had said, eating his meal with cutlery. "You know he has very strict ideals, and I guess he isn't gonna change them for anyone. Meat is eaten properly, and fingers are not properly."

"Maybe we could get him to mention that to Eliana once in a while. She eats porridge with her fingers. Rae smiled as her eyes rested on her elder daughter, both their children had been hijacked, Anneya was being fed by Amanda, and Eliana had Alex and Shannon helping her with her meal.

"Mmm, what a lovely weekend, do you feel like you have had a restful week?" Rae looked up at Jesse, and she could tell just by the way he looked what the answer was.

"Oh yeah, and even though I moaned a bit, I really enjoyed being with the girls. But I think I may know why my mom raced back to the hospital at every opportunity. You don't get a minute to yourself do you?"

"Aww, poor baby, but I understand what you mean; I couldn't do it, not all the time. I think that Texas could, I guess in some ways you are choosing that as your career. I admire anyone who can, like Sally for instance, and love it as much as she does, but no, it's not for me."

"As long as you're happy, Rae, that's all that matters. I mean, look at our two girls, they are both happy, Eliana is confident and outgoing, I don't think you staying home is gonna make any difference to that, and she gets a mom who wants to be with her when she isn't working." Jesse was smiling as he spoke, his eyes not on his wife but on his daughters as they enjoyed the attention being lavished on them.

"I love you Jesse, I know you know that, but it's nice to be able to say it, no worries, no problems, just that I love you." Rae moved slightly and then kissed him tenderly on the lips.

"Mmm, let's not stay too late, huh?"

It was just after ten when the party broke up and everybody headed in their various directions, all promising to get together again real soon. Steve, Jo and Daniel stayed until the end so that they could lock up and make sure that the place was safe and secure. Although he didn't want to admit it Daniel was almost asleep by the time they arrived home, and he was pleased that Michael had left a little before them and the house was lit up and welcoming.

"I … uh, I had a great time this weekend, and I know that me … being off school is a real disappointment to both of you, but I promise it won't happen again."

"Daniel, if what you told me is true then you have nothing to be worried about, and you certainly aren't a disappointment. One of us is gonna call the school tomorrow to try and get you reinstated straight away. Now, go to bed … oh, and Daniel?" Steve watched as the boy stopped as he spoke.

"Yeah?" Daniel was already on the stairs and he turned a puzzled look on his face.

"We thought you did a great job, thank you."

The boy came back down the stairs, and for the first time since he had arrived he kissed Jo on the cheek and then hugged Steve. "Goodnight, Mom, Dad." And then before either Steve or Jo could respond he turned and raced up the stairs.

"Sir, Madam, could I perhaps get you both a warm drink?"

"Michael that would be wonderful, how about a hot chocolate, an' as I have been naughty all weekend, maybe some marshmallows as well?"

"Very good Madam, would that be for two?"

"It would be for three if you would join us." Steve smiled at the Englishman, but wasn't surprised when his offer was refused.

"No, thank you, Sir, I have my duties to attend to."

Steve and Jo went into the morning room and sat together on the sofa. Steve leant over and kissed her gently on the lips, but soon his hands were in her hair and the kiss was becoming much more insistent. 

Gradually though, Jo pulled back and smiled at him. "Honey, I would like nothin' more than to just go to bed right now an' well, I guess you want to do the same, but I have some things that I really need to talk to you about."

"You do? I need to talk to you about Daniel, so who gets to go first?" 

"Me, we can talk about Daniel when we go to bed, but I have things that I need to show you." Jo had a bag with her and she leant down and picked it up. "Rae an' Jesse found this in their house, Steve, you need to read it an' … well, I don't know." Jo didn't really have any idea how to continue so she stopped talking.

Steve sat silently reading through the letter that Jo had received from her grandmother.

"Do you think that it was written at the same time as the other letter?" Steve knew that she was upset by what he had read and he made sure that he had his arm around her as he spoke.

"I guess so, but I don't really know. I wasn't around much before she died, you know that. She had been dead for two years before I came home … I have to do this, Steve, it is the only way I can say goodbye to her."

"I know, but don't go yet, leave it a couple of weeks, I need to get used to the idea that you won't be here."

"You could always come with me." Jo looked at the man sitting next to her; the thought of going back to Texas without him was not one that she wanted to entertain, but she knew that he wouldn't be able to leave his job for as long as she might be away.

"I want to, but, Honey, you know that I can't. I'm guessing that this wouldn't be a weekend trip. If you go I will come down every chance I get, I can't promise more than that, and we have Daniel to think about as well now."

Jo smiled, "Yeah, we do, don't we?" She moved a little closer to her husband and as she did so Michael came in with the drinks. Jo wriggled out of Steve's grasp and looked at her butler. "Michael, I have to show you this." She handed the letter to him and then waited as, once again, the room descended into silence until Michael had finished reading.

"I see, Madam, and now if you will excuse me." Without waiting for his employer to reply he turned swiftly and left the room.

Steve and Jo looked at each other and then picked up their drinks and headed for the stairs. They knew that there would be no point in talking with their butler until the morning, and neither of them was sure what to say anyway.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae eased herself out of bed on the Monday morning and looked at her sleeping husband with a sigh. She was due to start at eight and Jesse didn't have to be at the hospital until one. As Rae moved across towards the bathroom she saw her dress hanging on the front of the closet waiting for Jesse to take it to the cleaners with his tux later in the day and for a moment she thought back.

By half past seven Rae was driving into the station, a CD in the player of the pool car she had borrowed singing loudly. Alison was on duty as she entered the precinct and she waved at her. 

"Hey, Alison, how was your weekend?"

"Not as exciting as yours by the look of it. You made the society pages."

"I beg your pardon?" Rae looked at the desk sergeant and saw her pull a copy of the morning paper from underneath the counter. 

"Here, see for yourself." 

Rae took the newspaper from the smiling woman in front of her and flicked through until she got to the page she was looking for. There was a whole section on the Community General/Los Angeles Police Foundation Fund Raising Ball, and spread right across the top of the article was a picture that she remembered having taken of her, Jesse, Texas, Steve and Daniel. Underneath was the caption '_Society hostess Josephine Sloan, Lieutenant Steve Sloan, of the LAPD, and their son Daniel with friends, Doctor Jesse Travis of __Community General__Hospital__ and Detective Reagan Yeager at one of the highlights of the __Los Angeles__ social season._

"Oh my, well, I guess it will end up on my refrigerator, Jesse usually puts any picture he finds of me in the paper there." Rae smiled, the picture was lovely and she realised that she wasn't bothered by the fact that she was in the public eye once again. Maybe she was finally getting past Levington after all.

"It's a lovely photo, and you all look wonderful."

"Thank you. But now it's back to reality and a morning on the phone checking the utility providers of a murder victim. Ho hum, such is life." With a smile Rae moved away towards the stairs, and soon she was at her desk, a cup of tea and a pile of telephone directories by her side.

Before she delved into the, to her, complicated world of electricity, gas and water suppliers Rae decided to look through the bank details that she and Steve had picked up on the Friday before they finished work.

The details that had been supplied by Leslie Abbott showed where Neil Crosier's salary had been paid each fortnight into his account at the Bank of America and it didn't take her long to see that everything tallied to the last cent. She was only checking the last two months of his slightly sordid police career, which was, in reality, about a year ago. There were however, two deposits she couldn't account for and Rae hunted through all her paperwork to see if she could find anything that related to the injection of $500 in cash twice in the last four months. In the end Rae gave up, picked up the telephone directory which had the number for the bank they had visited in it, and put a call through to speak with the manager. She wanted to get as much accomplished as she could before Steve got in. He was staying a little later at home so that he could speak with Daniel's principal, and Rae knew that if it didn't go well he wouldn't want to come in to a pile of paperwork and no progress.

"Oh, Good morning, please may I speak with Mr. Waddell, this is Detective Reagan Yeager, LAPD, from the North Hollywood Precinct … Yes I'll hold." _But not for long I hope._ Rae used the time to retrace her steps through the bank statement, and as she moved further back she could see that the payments of $500 had been a regular occurrence. Every other month the same amount had been paid in, and then almost immediately transferred out again. "Mr. Waddell...? Yes, Sir, good morning to you. I wondered if you could provide me with a little extra information on the bank account details you gave me on Friday for Mr. Neil Crosier … no, Sir, I am not wanting anything of a personal nature apart from the names of the banks that were used to transfer money into and out of his account… I will use that information to get a search warrant to carry my investigation a little further … No, I realise that, but I feel that time is of the essence in this case, and if you can let me have the two bank names I can go from there… Thank you, Sir… Yes, you have a nice day too, Mr. Waddell."

Rae put the phone down, grabbed her jacket and headed out of the station to begin her search for a judge. The search took just over an hour, and, because Rae already had one search warrant, she had no problem getting the others. The problems began when she realised just where the two other banks were.

The first one was a Bank of The West branch in Culver City, a journey of about thirty to forty five minutes depending on the traffic.  The second one was in the Yucca Valley and Rae didn't even know where that was, but after spending five minutes on the Internet at Yahoo Maps she knew that she had at least a two and a half hour journey ahead of her, once she had conducted her business in Culver City.

Leaving a message for her partner on both his cell phone and his desk she grabbed her jacket and headed off for her first meeting of the day with a bank manager.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Daniel!" Steve called out loudly from the bottom of the staircase and waited, after two more tries at unsuccessfully calling his son, Steve sighed and climbed the stairs. He remembered with fondness the intercom system that had been in a house he had lived in for a short while when he was working undercover to try and find out who was murdering the residents of a gated community. Maybe installing one in this house would be a good idea.

Knocking on the door to the bedroom that Daniel had turned into his own, Steve entered and looked about him in amazement. He wasn't sure if he could actually see any carpet, the bed looked as if about half a dozen fourteen year olds had slept in it rather than just one, and there was a very precarious looking pile of plates on a desk in the corner. Sat under the window, a pair of headphones over his ears Daniel was working on the computer that Steve and Jo had bought for him after they had realised that he didn't actually have anything to do other than eat, sleep and go to school. With a nod of disgust and understanding of the room in front of him Steve moved over towards the boy who was still totally oblivious to the fact that there was someone in the room with him.

Trying not to turn his ankle on the various pairs of sneakers and shoes which were placed strategically just where he wanted to put his own feet Steve finally got to within breathing distance of Daniel. He leant forward and pulled the two ear plugs from their homes and then laughed as the boy jumped and yelled out in surprise.

"You are still alive up here then?"

"I was, until you did that, can you do CPR?"

"I have been calling you from down stairs for, ooh, about the last five minutes, and has your Mom or Michael seen this room?"

"Sorry, I didn't hear you, and no, nobody has seen it … well, except you that is."

"I am about to call Mr. Naegler and I figured you would at least want to know, or even, if you can actually get both of us back across the room without a Sherpa guide, come down and listen to what I have to say."

Daniel looked up at his foster father and decided that it would probably be better if he went downstairs and did what Steve said.  Without a word he stood up, nodded, watched as two toast crusts fell to the floor, and then followed his dad out of the room.

Jo was waiting at the bottom of the stairs and she smiled as the two men in her life came towards her. "I was just thinkin' about sendin' out a search party, what took you so long?"

"Well, I had to get suited up in protective gear before the health department would let me in." Steve grinned as he spoke.

"Ok, ok, I get the message; I'll clear it up after you've called Naegler." Daniel had raised his hands in surrender and then sat down on a chair in the hallway to wait for Steve to dial the number.

Ten minutes later Jo was wondering whether she should be on her cell phone calling her father-in-law to come and treat her husband for a coronary. Steve was keeping his temper, just, but the effort was causing him to look as if he was about to blow steam out of his ears.

"… Mr. Naegler, if you would … No, Sir, I realise that but … MR. NAEGLER I would really appreciate it if you would let me actually finish a sentence. I am very sorry that I wasn't able to come see you face to face, but my wife and I have spoken with our son … yes, Mr. Naegler he is our foster son, but we don't feel the need to mention it continually … we have spoken with DANIEL…" Steve raised his voice again and Jo held a finger to her lips as the boy looked round uncertainly as he heard his name so loudly. "We have spoken with Daniel at length about this, and feel that he has been put under undue pressure by a certain bully element in your school … yes, bully is what I said, Sir, and he was finally goaded into reacting, when the young man concerned realised that our SON wasn't going to join them in breaking the law." Steve finally paused long enough to catch his breath and he rolled his eyes in the direction of Jo and Daniel before pulling himself back to the voice that all three of them could hear on the other end of the line.

"I am asking you to reinstate him, immediately …" Steve glared at Daniel as he shook his head vigorously, "And take the suspension off his permanent record… I see, well that is a shame, if you can't work with me on at least one of these requests I will have to send them in writing to the school board… Yes, Sir, I will hold the line." Steve put his hand over the mouthpiece. "Apparently he has given his word to the parents of the other boy that Daniel won't be there until the end of the week, but he thinks that he might be able to 'accommodate us' where the permanent record is concerned… Idiot… Yes, I am still here, Sir… Thank you, no, we understand that, we understood it on Friday and we still understand it now … no, Sir, I wouldn't dream of doing that … yes, you too. Goodbye, Sir." Steve managed to release some of his anger by slamming the phone down on the cradle.

"Hey, careful, or I will have to go buy a new phone this mornin'… So, what did he say, does the suspension stay on Daniel's record or not?"

"No, he will have it removed by the time he returns to school on Thursday, and I think that whoever takes him in, and ideally it should be both of us, we need to make sure that has happened." Steve moved a little closer to where the boy was sitting. "Daniel, do you really want to stay at that school?"

"No, not now. I told you I liked the way I could just disappear into the crowd and nobody bother me, but I don't think that will happen any more. I'll stay until the end of this semester, but then if there is a school closer that you think will be ok, I'll move."

Jo leant over and kissed him on the cheek. "If you change your mind in the meantime, either about the amount of time you want to stay there, or the fact that you want to leave, you just tell us an' we will go with whatever you want to do."

"I don't suppose I could just give it up all together?"

"Oh, ha ha, he's gonna be a comedian when he leaves school. No, young man, that isn't an option. Now, I'm off to work, Jo, Honey, I'll see you later, and Daniel…we will be calling the school again to get your homework, now … bedroom. "

"Yes, Sir." Daniel looked up at the man who was quickly becoming the most important person, along with Jo, in his life. "Steve … sorry, Dad, thank you."

"Hey, any time, Son, any time." Steve cuffed the boy round the head in a playful, friendly way and then kissed his wife gently on the lips. "I have no idea when I'll be home, but I will try to make it for dinner. Bye all… Michael, I'm off, I'll see you later."

The door to the kitchen opened and Michael, his silver-cleaning apron on over his suit bowed slightly in his direction. "Very good, Sir. We are having steak tonight, so I will cook it to order upon your return."

"That sounds great; I'll call before I leave the station." Steve grabbed his jacket off the end of the banister walked through the kitchen and laundry room and then pressed the button to open the garage doors. Ten minutes later he was driving towards the station relieved to see that most people had already beaten him to it and that the roads were quiet and without any unexpected hold-ups.

Steve received the same greeting as Rae, and Alison once again showed the photo in the paper. He shook his head, why the ball would make the papers he had no idea, but he guessed it was good publicity, especially if they held another one the following year, and he knew that Jo was already thinking about that.

Grabbing a coffee as he moved across the squad room Steve was surprised to see that Rae's desk was empty. Cheryl was on the phone and waved as he passed her, the Captain was back from his conference and then as he sat down he saw a piece of paper with his partner's familiar printed handwriting on it.

_Steve,_

_I have found some anomalies in Crosier's bank accounts. I am off to get a search warrant, and then, for my sins, I am heading to __Culver City__ and __Yucca__Valley__. I have no idea where I am going, let alone when I will be back, so I guess you will just have to survive without me today._

_Don't do anything I wouldn't do._

_Rae._

_Oh, by the way, I left a list of the utility companies that need checking on my desk, have fun!!!_

Rae had driven the short distance to Culver City Park where she had sat in pleasant surroundings trying to digest what she had just found out. Her idea had been to park somewhere that she wouldn't be disturbed and go through the paperwork that she had been given at the Bank of the West. However, once she started reading, the location of her car became secondary to what was unfolding before her eyes. She had always known that Crosier was a rat, from what she had got from Steve after his trips to vice he didn't care if a woman was married or not, to him they were all fair game. That had been bad enough for her, marriage was sacred, and she would never, ever cheat on Jesse. If it had got to the stage where she would even think about it then the marriage was over and should be ended. _Concentrate!_ The information in front of her showed that there was more to Crosier than even she had imagined. He had been on the take, there was no doubt about it, and more than that, he might have had a house on Murietta Avenue, but he had another one in Culver City, which although only about a half hour from the first address they had for him, was probably a world away too. Los Angeles was a big city, Rae guessed that he was able to either keep two separate lives going, which would seem to be argued by the different bank accounts, or the lives were interwoven, and he liked to have two different sets of neighbours. Either way Rae knew that she wouldn't be finished with her travelling once she got back from Yucca Valley.

Putting her car into drive Rae pulled back out into the now lunchtime traffic. She had a drive of over two hours in front of her, and she didn't really want to be doing it, but she had no choice, and so, putting the CD on as loud as she dared, Rae began her long journey.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was almost lunchtime when the phone rang in the hallway of Jo's house and Michael left his polishing to go and answer it. 

"Sloan residence … Good morning, Master David … yes, she is here, I will connect you, if you would hold the line." Michael put the phone back down and walked towards the morning room. Jo was reading through her e-mails, most of which were complimentary notes of thanks for the ball and looked up as she heard him enter.

"Madam, your brother is on the phone."

"Oh, thank you, Michael, ooh, don't forget to count the silver before you put it all back in the cabinet." Jo laughed at the scandalised look on her butler's face and moved over and picked up the phone.

"David, Honey, how are you … I have wanted to call an' call, but grandmamma said I wasn't to, so I haven't … oh, I thought that was why you were callin', how can you have not opened it yet…? I'm fine, still a little tired, but fine, why, is there a problem…? Oh … no, I'm very happy for you an' _Debs_. You just give her my best, David, I can see someone comin' up my driveway; I have to go … yeah, you too. Bye now."

The lie had sprung easily to her lips and Jo moved away from the phone for a moment, but only to wipe the tears from her eyes. Then she turned back to it again picked it up, dialled a number that she knew off by heart and waited.

"Travis resident … Hey, Jo, how's the hostess with the mostest today..? Jo, what's wrong…? Of course, I remember, and the offer still stands … what now? Ok, look I have to be going to work in about a half hour can you be ready for then..? No, I'll call just before I leave … and Jo, don't worry." Jesse put the phone down and returned to the playroom a look on concern on his face.

Eliana and Anneya were together in the playpen. Although she wasn't really at all interested in her sister, Eliana would tolerate her in the pen as long as she didn't take her toys. It hadn't happened yet, but Jesse knew that it wouldn't be long before it did, and then there would be trouble.

He had spent the morning putting together furniture and toys for the new room. Everything that the children had was destroyed in the fire, and after much soul searching Rae and Jesse had decided to dip into their savings to replace things rather than wait for the insurance company to pay out. So, for that reason, so far Jesse had made a toy chest, a tricycle, which was hidden behind the sofa, two sets of shelves and put the sticky lion, which Rae had spotted while they were out shopping, on the handle of the door. But now he knew that his time with his daughters was over, and he had to be getting back into doctor mode.

By the time he had his suit on, his daughters in the car, and called through to Jo it was almost a quarter to twelve, and Jesse knew that he might be cutting it a bit fine to be there for the start of his shift, but he was always the optimist and knew that with light traffic he would be fine.

Jo climbed into the passenger seat, looked into the back to receive a rapturous welcome from Eliana, and then sat quietly, not saying anything.

"Jo, what's the matter?" Jesse's voice was soft and kind and she looked up and he was shocked to see tears in her eyes. "Oh, Jo, come here a minute, what is it?"

"Jess, you can check me over, right? Make sure that things are all … as they are supposed to be?"

"You know I can, I offered and I am happy to do it for you. But why now? I guessed that you and Steve have been … it's not my place to ask, and you hadn't said anything since we talked about it … well, it was a while ago wasn't it?"

"We have been tryin' an' nothin' is happenin', just nothin' at all. An' then this mornin' a few minutes before I called you David was on the phone. Debbie is pregnant. Jesse, they aren't even married." The tears that had been threatening began then and Jesse held her close for a little longer until she calmed herself enough for him to feel happy about beginning their journey.

"Look, we'll drop the girls off, and go straight to the hospital and I will do everything then, ok?"

Jo just nodded, leant back in the seat and closed her eyes. She didn't have anything to say, her heart hurt too much for her to make conversation.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae finally got back to the station just before seven o'clock, she was hot, crabby and in desperate need of a visit to the little girl's room. By the time Rae had made her stop at the ladies room, spoken with a couple of cops she hadn't seen in a while, and climbed the stairs to the homicide department she was feeling a little less crabby and uncomfortable but still hot and now very thirsty. "Hey, partner, where have you been? I've found out some very interesting stuff while you've been away." Steve stood up as he saw Rae come into the room.

"Where have I been? Where have you been? I have been calling you all day. Your desk phone has been tied up the entire time, and I can't get through on your cell at all." Rae flopped into her seat. "You know a gentleman would get me a drink."

"Yeah, well you just have me, so you have to get your own… Joke, joke, I'll get it for you." Steve put a drink of water down in front of his partner and watched as she drained it in almost one gulp.

"So what did you find out then?" Rae looked at him; she was almost too tired to even think about all the information trying to fight its way out of her brain.

"Crosier had three houses. One in Van Nuys, one in Culver City and one in Yucca Valley."

"I know that, where do you think I have been all day?" Rae plonked the paperwork down in front of him. "He was bent Steve, he was getting over $3,000 a month from someone, or maybe two or three someone's, and as you say, he had three houses. I checked something else while I was out and about." Rae waited.

"And that was?"

"I went to the hall of records. Neil Crosier, all round nice guy and warm human being, was a bigamist too."

After Rae's impressive statement everything else was a little flat, and, in the end, they both decided to call it a day and head for home. Rae had to pick up her daughters, and so they parted company in the parking lot, knowing that by eight the following morning they would both be back for another round of bigamists and body parts.


	38. Taken

**Taken**

The phone rang while Rae was sitting reading her daughter a very late story. When Rae had been a little girl her father had made up tales about the badger and fox that lived in the oak tree at the bottom of the garden. Unbeknownst to her he had also written them down and illustrated them. Her mother had passed the notebook on to Rae when John had been born and she had read them to her three children when she lived in England. Rae had been delighted to receive it from Tony after the fire with a note saying that he hoped it would start a new set of memories for her. So now she had begun to read the stories to Eliana and she had no doubt that she would be doing the same with Anneya before the little girl was that much older.

"Hold on, Honey, Mummy has to go and answer the phone." Rae put Eliana onto the floor, picked up the notebook and headed for the hallway. She lifted the receiver and answered happily. "Travis residence… Hey, Mark, how are you today…? No, he's not here… He was due to start at one and I picked the girls up from Sally so he must have dropped them there… about twelve I would guess … I'll … I'll call her and see if he said anything … but, Mark, if he didn't arrive … No, no, I mustn't jump to conclusions. I'll call you straight back." Rae put the phone down and tried to get her emotions under control.

"Towi Momma." Eliana came out into the hallway to join her mother.

"No more stories, not now, Sweetie, Mummy has to make a call." Rae didn't even look at her daughter as she put her little hand round the notebook and went back to her playroom, but instead, with trembling fingers, she dialled the number for her daughters' day care provider. "Sally? Hi, it's Rae, I'm sorry to bother you, but did Jesse say where he was going when he dropped the girls off today…? He what…? He had … who, oh, God…" Rae's heart sank like a stone and for a moment she shut her eyes, forcing herself to be strong. "No, no, he didn't turn up at work … yeah, I'll let you know, bye, Sally." 

Rae began to dial again and it was picked up on the first ring. "Mark? I … I spoke to Sally and Jess dropped the girls off as planned and was heading straight for the hospital. He was running a little late …" Rae's voice wavered and she had to stop talking for a moment. "No, I'm still here. Mark … he had Texas with him… No, I'll go tell him… But, Mark, if you hear anything … anything at all … yeah, I know. Take care."

Rae put the phone down again and went to get the stroller from its place under the staircase. "Eliana, we are gonna go see Uncle Steve." The little girl heard her mother's voice and came happily out to her; she waited while Rae set up the buggy and then climbed into her seat. Rae did up the straps, went into the playroom, carefully picked Anneya up out of her bouncy chair where she was fast asleep, returned to the hallway and fastened her into the stroller next to her sister, then with a heavy heart she headed towards Steve and Jo's house.

Michael had told Steve that Jo had left just before lunch with Jesse and had said that she would be back in time for dinner. Since he had returned home Steve had been trying to help Daniel with some work that he hadn't completed before he had been suspended. Steve had handed the boy the papers he had picked up on his way to work, and his son's face had been a picture of absolute disgust. Although the phone call that Steve had made to the principal had resulted in the assurance that nothing would be put on his son's permanent record, Steve had been unable to get Daniel accepted back to school before Thursday, and so he had insisted that the boy do any homework that he had so there would be no further trouble when he did return. As Steve was searching through an Internet site on the affects of the depression in the 1930's on the movie industry he heard the doorbell, and broke off from his work to listen to Michael's feet as they moved across to answer it.

"Mrs. Travis, won't you please come in? Was it the Lieutenant or Mrs. Sloan that you wished to see?"

"Are they both here, Michael?" The hope in Rae's voice puzzled Steve and with a brief glance at Daniel he rose from his seat and moved towards the hallway.

"No, Madam, the Lieutenant is at home, but I regret that Mrs Sloan has been out all afternoon."

"Oh." This time it was the disappointment that Steve heard, but there was something else too, almost an acceptance of something that she hadn't wanted to hear.

"Rae? Is there a problem?" Steve had moved across to almost where she was standing before he had been noticed by anyone.

"Steve, have you heard from Texas, or from Jesse?"

"No, Honey, why?" He didn't know what was up but Steve was aware that his heart was beating loudly in his chest, and all his instincts told him that there was something very wrong.

"Steve, Jesse didn't turn up for work, he dropped the girls off but he never got to the hospital… and Texas was with him."

Steve looked over at Michael and saw that the butler was also trying, successfully so far, to keep his emotions under control.

"Madam called Doctor Travis this morning just before noon. She was upset about something, and then she grabbed her purse and left… I haven't seen her since."

"Steve, they must have had an accident, we have to get on to the station, maybe they've heard something, maybe they've been taken to another hospital … Steve." Rae finished her words as she had started them, she was panicking now, and almost unable to stop herself from verging on hysteria.

"Rae, wait, we don't know anything yet, just let me have the licence plate number of Jesse's car. It's a blue BMW isn't it?" Steve watched as Rae nodded, unable to speak any further. He looked down into the stroller by her side and saw her two children both now awake and sitting wide eyed but silent; as if they knew that something was happening and not to interrupt.

"Here, this is what you need." Rae wrote quickly and then handed over a piece of paper with the number on it and watched as Steve picked up the phone. As he did so there was another ring on the doorbell and they both turned in anticipation, but Rae's expression changed to horror as she saw who it was.

"No, Steve, no… They wouldn't send someone here, not unless it was bad news." Rae was shaking, and she knew that she had to sit down. She found her way onto the stairs as Michael opened the door to let Cheryl and Captain Newman into the house and Daniel came into the hallway.

"Steve, what's happening?"

"Nothing, go to your room, Daniel." Steve's tone was short, and the boy looked surprised and hurt.

"What, why?"

"Don't argue with me, just go!" Steve knew that he was shouting and being unfair, but he couldn't have his son with him, not right now.

"Ok, ok, I'm going, jeez, anybody would think I couldn't be trusted." The two friends heard every step as Daniel mounted the stairs, and then thumped his way down the upstairs hallway, normally it would have made them smile, but now, as soon as he was out of sight, they forgot about him.

Michael closed the door after Cheryl and the Captain entered. "Lieutenant, Detective Banks and Captain Newman."

"Michael, I can see them! ... I'm sorry, thank you."

Steve looked at his boss and his old partner, and the look in their eyes made him lose a little of his grip on the situation. He was standing at the end of the staircase and he sat heavily on the third stair from the bottom.

Cheryl had come out to Beverley Hills to see Rae. When the information she had was relayed to the station someone had recognised Jesse's name and passed it on to her. "Rae, we just tried your house, I figured you might be here, is there somewhere we can go to talk?"

"If you would like to come this way to the morning room." Michael showed them into Jo's favourite room and then returned to where Rae and Steve were still sitting together on the stairs. "Sir, I really think that you should go in and hear what they have to say, I don't think that Mrs Travis will be able to do this alone."

"What? Oh, yeah, thank you, Michael." Steve stood up heavily, and put his arm round Rae. She seemed to have been rooted to the step she was on, but as she felt his pressure across her back, she looked up at him and then back to the Englishman.

"Michael, will you look after the girls for me? They can stay in the stroller, Anneya will probably fall asleep again and Eliana would just love a cookie." Although Rae was able to organise her children her voice was distant and a little removed from reality. 

"Yes, of course, Madam."

Gently, Steve directed Rae towards the morning room, and then, each of them trying to regain their strength for the benefit of the other; they prepared to listen to news they knew they didn't want to hear.

"Rae, when did you last see Jesse?" Cheryl crouched down next to where Rae had sat on the sofa and looked into her friend's eyes.

"This morning, before I went to work… He isn't home, Cheryl, and he isn't at the hospital, and Texas was with him…and … What's happened? Tell me what's happened."

"Easy, Detective. Who is Texas?" Captain Newman's authoritative voice cut into her panic and Rae nodded her head.

"Yes, Sir, I'm sorry, Sir. Texas is Steve's wife."

"I see. Well, Detective, Doctor Travis's car was found about a half mile from Community General. It was parked on the side of the highway. There was no one in it."

Rae shut her eyes for a moment, and then she forced herself to look at the other people in the room. "Did you find anything? Prints … blood?"

"No, but if what you say is right and Mrs Sloan was with your husband, then maybe there is more to this than an abandoned car." Captain Newman had leant forward in his chair as Rae mentioned that Texas had been with Jesse.

For a moment Rae was confused, she didn't know what her boss meant, she just knew that Jesse was gone, and no matter what her police training told her, that whatever the official line might be, her heart knew he was probably already dead.

"Lieutenant, have you received any strange phone calls, or had any mail left for you in the last couple of hours?" 

"No, Sir. And I came straight home from work. All the letters today were just ordinary bills, or letters about the ball." Steve found the taste of panic very difficult to get out of his mouth.

"Your wife is very wealthy, isn't she?" Although the Chief knew that Jo Sloan had money, he had no idea quite how much.

"Yes, Sir, she is exceptionally well off…" Steve's words were cut off as suddenly without warning Rae launched at him.

"I knew it; I knew that bloody money would come between us in the end! If he dies Steve, I will never forgive you, never!" Rae stood up and before anybody could stop her she stormed out of the room, grabbed the stroller from Michael and left the house.

Cheryl went to go after her but was stopped by her boss. "No, Detective, wait for a moment or two. Once she has had time to return home you may follow her."

"Yes, Sir." Cheryl turned towards Steve who was standing, obviously in shock, looking in the direction that his partner and friend had just taken off in. 

"She … I can't believe she said that, oh, God, Cheryl, who would have taken her? She never felt in any danger, nothing was ever said … Daniel, I have to go tell Daniel."

"No, Steve, leave him be. You'll only upset him right now. They're still searching the area, and if this is a kidnapping then you will be contacted. I'll call and get the guys in to put a tap on your line, and then I'll go see Rae…" Cheryl was silent for a moment, and then with a heavy sigh she began to talk again. "Steve, Jo and Jesse are good friends, has there been any indication that it was more than that?"

"NO! You think they ran off together? No, no way, Jo loves me, and Jesse, well you know how he feels about … about her." Suddenly Steve couldn't say his partner's name. The hurt he felt at what she had said was almost as tangible as the panic and dread he felt for the safety of his wife.

"I'm sorry, Steve, but I had to ask."

"Yeah, I know, but you're wrong, Cheryl, you are so wrong."

Rae had stormed back home, the anger she felt battling it out with the fear for the safety of her husband and her best friend. She let herself in, and, not even bothering to shut the front door, pushed the stroller into the hallway and then undid the straps and let Eliana free. The little girl smiled at her mommy and made her way into the playroom, and two minutes later was back.

"Towi, Mommy." Eliana handed over the notebook with a smile, but it was now ripped and screwed up.

"Eliana, you naughty girl, how could you do that to my book? You are very, very, naughty!"  Without even thinking Rae lashed out with her hand smacking her daughter across the back of her legs. The little girl began to scream instantly.

"No, Mommy! Sowee, Mommy!"

Suddenly Rae realised what she had done and grabbed her child to her. "Oh, God, Honey, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Rae let go of her daughter, as all her anger, fear and every other emotion that had been holding her together suddenly left her, and she collapsed to the floor, sobbing uncontrollably as the guilt took over.

Cheryl had just turned into the driveway of Rae's home when she heard the unmistakable scream of a child and rushed for the doorway. To her relief the door swung at her touch and she looked in to see Rae release her hold on Eliana and slump to the floor. The little girl was still crying bitterly, and, not knowing who to go too first, Cheryl held out her arms, hoping that the child would move towards her and she could comfort her and then Rae.

"Come here, Sweetie, it's ok, Mommy's just a little bit sad right now." Something in Cheryl's tone must have registered with Eliana, because even though she didn't know the lady in front of her she smiled a very tremulous smile and came over to her. Cheryl took her into her arms and gently rocked her, stroking her hair as she had seen Rae do in the past as she did so. "It's ok, Baby, it's ok. Shhh." Gradually Eliana began to calm down, and Cheryl gently placed her back on her feet.

"Rae?" Cheryl didn't think she would need to say anything else and she was right. Slowly Rae looked up from where she was and then she too rushed over to her friend.

"I hit her, Cheryl, I hit my baby, I've never done that before. Oh, God, help me, I am just so scared."

Cheryl looked back at the little girl next to her and she could see a hand mark raised on the back of her leg. "I know, I know you are, come on, come sit in the other room, Eliana will be all right, one smack won't harm her for life, she'll be fine. My dad used his belt on me, and I'm ok."

Rae smiled at her friend's words, and then together they went into the breakfast room, the little girl, now holding tightly to her Mommy's hand, walking with them.

Steve had been sitting in the morning room for an indeterminate amount of time. He still couldn't believe that Rae had said that to him, how could she think that money would come between them, and Jesse… he loved him like a brother, hated it when they had been apart, and had been just delighted when they moved into Jo's rental. But now, when they got them back would Rae make him move? Rae … there were three women in his life that he loved unconditionally, Jo, of course, Amanda and Rae. Maybe that was why her words had hurt him so much.

"Lieutenant?" The voice that cut through his thoughts belonged to their butler and he turned to see Michael looking the most anxious he had ever witnessed.

"Yes, Michael?"

"Madam, do you know where she is?"

"No, Michael, I don't. Jesse took her with him when he went to work apparently, but he never got there, the car was found abandoned and since then there has been nothing. I'm sorry; I don't have anything more to tell you."

"Oh, I see… Sir, when you do have more information … you will let me know, won't you?" Michael's voice wavered a little bit and Steve got to his feet. He loved his wife with all his heart, but Michael had been such an integral part of Jo's life for longer than he had, and she to him that, in many ways, he may even be suffering more than he was right now.

"Michael, of course I'll keep you informed, but I don't know anything at the moment … do you think that maybe she was threatened this morning and that was why she called Jesse?"

"No, Sir, she spoke with Master David, and then the next thing I knew she was getting ready to go out.

"David! I haven't called him. Michael, everything I know you will know, I promise you that." Steve moved out into the hallway. There was a phone in the morning room, there was one in almost every room, but Michael always answered it in the hall and they always came to him.

Steve didn't know the number for the Walters mansion in Texas, and so flicking through the pages of the address book he scanned all the names wondering if any of them had his wife. Finally he got to W and wondered why he had started at A. Carefully, he punched the number in and then waited. He heard the butler announce 'Walters residence', and with his heart in his mouth he began to speak.

Cheryl had waited until Rae was in control of herself once again and then she had headed in what she hoped was the general direction of the kitchen and begun to make a cup of tea. As she did so the phone in the hallway began to ring and she hurried back out, needing to beat Rae to it.

"This is the Travis residence… Who may I say is calling…?" Cheryl put her hand over the mouthpiece and turned to see her friend standing directly behind her. "Rae, it's your mom."

Rae's shoulders seemed to sag. She loved her mother, but she always called at the most inopportune moments. With a small nod she took the receiver and began to speak. "Mum… No, I don't have a maid, I just have a friend here … Look, Mum, I'm really sorry but now isn't a good time… No, Jesse isn't here, Mum, I don't know where he is, and I need to clear the line until I do, I will e-mail or phone, I promise… Yeah, I love you too, bye now." Rae put the phone down and seemed to waiver for a moment. Cheryl put her arm round her but she shook her off.

"Steve… Cheryl, I was so awful, I have to go see him … do you think he will see me?"

Cheryl nodded her head, glad that she hadn't had to bring the subject up.

"He must hate me, what a terrible thing to say." Rae turned her head away from her friend, tears forming in her eyes once again. Then she took a deep breath, squared her shoulders and moved towards her front door.

Steve finished his conversation with David and walked straight back into the morning room, sat in one of the chairs by the French doors and put his head in his hands. He knew now why Jo had been upset, why she had spoken to Jesse, but he still had no idea where she was, and he needed that, desperately.

The doorbell rang and the familiar and reassuring sound of Michael going to answer it relieved his heart a little, there was a quiet murmur of voices and then suddenly Rae was there and he stood and all the hurt was forgotten as took her into his arms.

"Steve, I am so sorry." Rae's voice was choked with emotion and she couldn't get any further words out. The feel of his arms around her bolstered her confidence a lot, and she hoped that she was doing the same to him. Finally with a sigh Steve stepped back and looked into her eyes.

"Underneath I'm still the same guy, Rae, and you became friends with Jo long before you knew about her money. If it is the reason that Jo and Jess have been taken then I will give it all up to get them back." 

Rae had a hold of Steve's hands and she could feel them shaking in her grasp. "I know that, and I was wrong to say what I did. I have never, before Saturday night, felt that you had changed, except for the better, since you met Texas, but you bid all that money on a poster, and when you found Jo owned it already you weren't even angry. I don't know why it got me but it did. Please, Steve, forget I said it, I need you so much and I am so scared for them." Rae began to shake herself and was relieved when Steve sat back down on the sofa, taking her with him.

Rae sat with her partner not saying a word for over a half hour, then she gathered herself together and kissing him gently on the cheek walked back to her own house. The Captain had gone, although Cheryl was still with her daughters, and she knew she needed to get back to them.

Once Rae arrived home Cheryl had made sure that her phone also had a tap on it, and then she left, promising to keep in touch. Rae had put both her girls to bed, and then come back downstairs. She looked at the phone as she stood in the hallway not really knowing what to do next. Normally if she had a worry or a problem she would call either Jesse or Texas, but this time she could do neither. 

The panic of not knowing where Jesse was rushed up at her, she felt the familiar but unpleasant tightness in her chest, and she began to go cold all over. Rae sank down onto the floor and leant up against the side of the staircase. Her breathing became ragged and the edges of her vision began to blur. "Jesse … Jesse … help me." But, this time Rae knew that her husband couldn't come and rescue her, wouldn't be able to take her in his arms and make everything better, she had to do it for herself. Slowly she began to imagine Mark's voice in her head, listened to him telling her to breathe, and gradually it began, as it always did, to work. She sat there for a long time, not wanting to move in case the panic overtook her once more. Finally after what seemed like hours Rae got up and slowly walked towards the stairs.

Suddenly, Rae knew that she wouldn't be able to go up to bed and sleep, the bedroom was too big and airy, too small and intimate, too different without Jesse. Looking round for something to do to occupy her time Rae saw the box for a storage unit to go in the playroom. Grabbing the drill that Jesse had left on the kitchen counter Rae pulled the box, with the tools on the top of it, into the girls' nursery and began to unpack the parts she would need. She would keep busy, that way she wouldn't panic, wouldn't be able to spend hours imagining worse and worse fates for the man she loved most in all the world.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae was sitting watching Eliana eat her breakfast as she fed Anneya. She couldn't remember actually getting the food ready, but the proof that she had done so was right there in front of her. As she put another spoonful into her daughter's mouth Rae heard the doorbell, got up and hurried out into the hallway to greet her childminder.

As she looked through the glass Rae saw that she was wrong, Sally wasn't here yet, but she could see Steve and so she quickly opened the door. Her partner looked as haunted as she was sure she must and without a word they hugged each other close, both of them trying to keep the tears at bay, knowing that they would only cause each other more pain if they let them fall.

"Rae, I've spoken to Dad, and he's been in touch with the other hospitals in the area and nothing, he said he was sorry he hadn't come last night, but he'd been due in the OR … and Cheryl called." Steve pulled back as he spoke.

"What … what did she say? Have they found them? Steve, what did she say?" Rae's questions flew out of her, and Steve didn't even try to answer any of them.

"What are you doing about the girls?" Steve changed the subject for a moment, not really wanting to return to the matter at hand. He had persuaded his Dad to stay at work, at least until they knew something more positive. With Jesse unaccounted for they were short staffed, and he didn't want his father feeling guilty about not being with him and then coming over and feeling guilty about not being at work. In the end Mark had agreed that he was, at least at present, needed more at the hospital. Rae's answer to his question cut into his thoughts.

"Sally is gonna come over and stay here. Her husband is away on business this week, and so she offered. She should be here any minute." As Rae spoke they both heard the noise of a car drawing up, and moved back over to the front door. They watched as the child carer got out of her car and then took a bag from the trunk. She locked up her vehicle and with a quick glance around her made her way up to the entrance.

Rae opened the door just before she got there, and the woman drew her friend into her arms. "Honey, I am so sorry. I don't know what to say, but at least I can make sure that you don't have to worry about your little ones. Lieutenant, how are you holding up?"  Sally rested her hand on Steve's arm, and the comfort that she offered him was gratefully received.

"Not too bad, I just want her back; I want both of them back." The tears were threatening him again, and the presence of Sally seemed to be making him more vulnerable. He knew from what Rae had told him in the past that she was a very kind and caring person, but right now he wasn't sure if he could cope with kind and caring.

"Ok, well, I would guess that my charges are in the kitchen, so I'll leave you two together and go sort them out. Take all the time you need, I will be either in the kitchen or the bedroom if you need me."

"Um, they have a playroom; it's the door just down there, the one with the lion on the handle."

Sally nodded and headed into the kitchen as Rae turned back to Steve.

"What did Cheryl say, Steve? You have to tell me."

"Come and sit down, I can't do this standing up." Steve put his arm around Rae and they walked into the equivalent of Jo's morning room. It was another light and airy room, and Steve could see that already it had become the room of choice for the Travis's. There was a pile of newspapers, a book that Rae had been reading, as well as a couple of note pads that Steve knew Rae made all her personal notes on at work.

The sofas were deep and comfortable looking, covered in a white material with blown roses all over it. The two chairs that matched were positioned at an angle either side of the patio doors, and Steve knew that Rae would normally sit in one of those, but now, without a word, they sat together on one of the sofas. Steve pulled Rae into his arms and kept her near him as he began to speak.

"A letter arrived at the station this morning, addressed to me."

"Who from, what did it say, Steve, was it a ransom note, do they want money … I have money too if they want more than you can get your hands on…" Rae ran out of breath. She knew that she was behaving like a hysterical member of the public rather than a highly trained cop.

"Rae, I don't know what it says … I didn't want to hear it read over the phone.  Cheryl is coming to me." Steve stopped talking.

"I could come to your place, and then we can hear it together… Steve, I know I said I wouldn't mention the money thing, but what if this guy only wanted Texas … Jesse could already be dead couldn't he?"

Steve looked at her. Anybody else and he would be able to string together a few platitudes and get himself out of an awkward situation, but Rae was a cop, and a good one. "Honey, I guess he could be, but we can't think like that. He's a doctor, maybe they will keep him handy in case Jo gets sick."

Rae just nodded, and then she moved slowly into the kitchen to tell Sally that she would be at Steve's should she need her.

It took Cheryl over an hour to get to Steve's house and the two friends sat together in the morning room drinking tea and not saying a word until she arrived, but then it seemed that all the words they hadn't used came tumbling out at once.

"Cheryl, what does it say?" Rae got to the detective first. "The letter does it mention Jesse, or say where they are?"

"Did you get a clear postmark? Were there any prints on the envelope?" Steve fell back on routine, not wanting to ask the type of question that Rae was.

"Guys, we need to sit down somewhere, the room we were in last night would be good." Cheryl knew that the news she had was not the sort of thing they could discuss in the hallway.

Once they were all sitting Cheryl got a sheet of paper out of the folder she had brought with her. "Steve, Rae; Jo and Jesse haven't been kidnapped for ransom."

"What? Where are they then? We checked all the hospitals, they aren't there." Steve was confused now, but he knew that the news wasn't good.

"Steve, they've been taken by Todd."


	39. A Matter of Identification

**A Matter of Identification**

For a moment neither of them spoke, they couldn't take in what Cheryl was saying, but then Rae began to pull herself together.

"How do you know that he has them?"

"We have a letter, it was sent to Steve this morning … I'll read it if you will let me." Cheryl waited, she could see that both of them now had questions, but she had a feeling that once she had finished reading they would know far more than they actually wanted to.

_Stevie,_

_I saw your photo in the paper and it hit me, I had, right in front of me, the answer to my problems._

_I'm getting a little bored with just putting pieces of Crosier around the place but, like I said, I have a problem with cutting up that little tramp. So I just got myself another one; yours._

_Unfortunately, she had someone with her when I got a chance to make her acquaintance, but it is just more body parts for me to play with._

_I would keep that picture from the paper, neither of them will ever be the same again._

_I'll be in touch._

_S. Todd_

Rae shut her eyes for a moment, and the image of her husband came up in her mind, and with a strength of resolve that surprised her she pushed his face away, she needed to be single minded. She knew however, that never again would she let either of them have their picture in the paper. "Cheryl, if he's a cop he would know that Texas and Jesse were missing, he could have sent this letter without actually having them."

"I know that, Rae, but there was more in the envelope that just the letter." 

The morning room was quiet for a moment before Rae began to speak. "What?" Her voice came out in a whisper and she felt for Steve's hand with her own. As she found it she looked at him and was shocked to see that he had tears in his eyes. "Steve?"

Her partner just shook his head; he knew that he couldn't speak without the tears falling and his desperation becoming more obvious to his two friends.

"The letter was in a padded envelope, and in there with it were two other things. One of them was a small box which had these in them." Cheryl took an evidence bag from the folder and heard both Steve and Rae gasp as she did so. There in her hand were ten nail clippings; each one had a small diamante on the left hand side.

"Oh, God." Steve took an even tighter grip on his partner's hand.

"I was going to ask you if you recognised these, but I guess you do, both of you, don't you?"

"She had them done for the Fundraising Ball… I thought … I thought they were wonderful." Rae shook her head and then a thought struck her. "Jesse doesn't have anything … no." Her hand went to her mouth; the possibilities of what was still in the envelope were too terrible to contemplate.

"There was a letter; it's from you, Rae." Cheryl held it up and Rae could see the first four lines clearly.

_My darling Jesse,_

_I don't think I have ever written you a letter before, I guess because we have always been together, which is probably why I am finding this time apart so hard._

_I wanted to write to tell you how you have been in my thoughts for the whole_

"It was the only thing that survived the fire." Rae's voice was tinged with anger now. Jesse had loved the letter so much and now it had been spoilt, ruined by this. Rae shook her head, how could she worry about a letter being spoilt when it meant that her husband was with that maniac.

Rae suddenly became aware of Steve's hand shaking in hers and she looked again at her partner. He had his eyes shut and she knew that the effort of keeping his ever- changing emotions under control was what was making him shake.

"Cheryl, could you go into the kitchen and get me a drink of water please? And Michael will be in there, he needs to know what you just told us." Rae didn't want to shut her friend out, and she knew that Steve had worked with her for a long time, but she also knew that the fewer people who saw Steve fall apart the better. Carefully she put her arms around her partner and pulled him towards her. She didn't say or do anything else, and for a few minutes the shaking got worse and she could feel him fighting himself and the heat from the few tears that escaped him, but then, gradually he began to calm down again and she gently moved her hand across his back, knowing that when anybody did it to her it helped, and hoping that it was doing the same for him.

Cheryl had come silently into the room placed a glass of water on the nearest surface to the door and left again. Neither Steve nor Rae saw her, and she found herself a seat in the hallway and considered how everybody was going to react when the FBI arrived.

When the taps had been put on the phones the night before Ron had managed to pull a few strings to give both Steve and Rae some privacy and so overnight the lines had been manned from a van out in the street. But this morning not only would he be arriving but both detectives would be interviewed and shadowed by agents until the whole mess was over.

Steve stayed in Rae's arms for almost a quarter of an hour before he began to move away, he wouldn't look her in the eye and so she carefully placed her hand on his face and turned it towards her.

"Hey," she said, in a soft and quiet voice, "You should never be afraid to do that with me, ok?"

"I know, and thanks, Rae… I have to call Dad and then go tell Daniel, will you come with me?" Steve got to his feet and for a moment his legs felt so weak that he wondered whether he would have to sit back down, but the feeling passed and he moved over towards the door. He saw the glass of water and paused to take a drink from it, and Rae took the chance to speak again. 

"Steve, you need to talk to Daniel alone, it isn't my place to be there. I'll stay in the house until you come back down, but you have to do this yourself."

"Yeah, I guess I do, don't I?" Steve looked at his partner and saw her nod, and then the two of them made their way out into the hallway.

Cheryl stood as soon as the door began to open and smiled at them. She watched as her friend and ex-partner picked up the phone and then she moved away a little with Rae to give him some privacy.

"Dad … It's me… Yeah, the … the guy who calls himself Todd … he has them." Steve took a deep breath, he couldn't lose it, not again, not yet, he had to speak with Daniel. "Dad, until you can get cover for Jesse's shifts you're needed there. I'll see you later when you finish … yeah, I know, bye."

Steve put the phone back down and moved over to where Rae and Cheryl were standing. "I have to go and speak with Daniel, but I'll be back down in a little while … If … if anything else happens come and get me." 

"Steve, Ron will be here soon, there's been a van outside overnight, monitoring your calls, and everything else, today I think they will be moving in here, and at your house, Rae."

"But the girls are there, and Sally, I don't want them in my house … can't they have their van on the driveway …? No, I guess they can't, I'm sorry, Cheryl, yeah, sure, but don't let them go there until Steve's spoken to Daniel and I can talk with Sally." Rae ran her hands through her hair; she didn't know quite how to react to anything right now.

"Ok, Rae, I'll see what I can do, but I know that Ron is taking charge of this himself, so I'm sure he'll wait."

The two of them just nodded their heads and then Steve made his way up the stairs. He hadn't seen his son to speak to since he had sent him to his room the night before, and the guilt on top of everything else he was feeling was almost overwhelming. Daniel had come down for dinner, but Steve had been unable to eat and he had stood out in the garden watching the lights come on all over LA knowing that Jo was out there someplace, and he had no idea where. Daniel had returned to his room after helping Michael with the dishes, and Steve had stood outside his door three times and almost gone in to tell him what was happening, but he had known that until he knew something officially the boy was probably better off not knowing. In the end he had turned the handle and called his son to him.

_"Daniel, you need to turn off the light and go to sleep now." Steve had looked into his eyes for a second before turning away, and Daniel, recognising that something was wrong, but not knowing how to ask what it was, had nodded and returned to his room._

So now Steve tapped on the door and waited.

"Come in." Daniel's voice sounded a little guarded but Steve turned the handle and went in.

"Hey … Dad?" The boy's tone changed when he saw him enter, and noticed the look of despair on his father's face. "Something's happened to Mom hasn't it? She … she didn't come home last night. I've … I've had that happen to me before, my real mom, she never came back." Already there were tears on his face and Steve knew that he had made the wrong call the night before.

He moved over to Daniel and crouched down next to where he was sitting. "I need to speak to you, and you're right, something has happened to your Mom, come and sit on the bed, we can talk there."

Once they were settled Steve looked around him. "You've made this tidy, no more wall to wall … things … shoes, dirty socks, old meals, you name it, I think I'd have found it in here." 

"I … I cleaned it last night after you sent me up here. I wasn't sure if I was in trouble or what, but I figured it couldn't hurt."

Steve smiled at the boy and then shook his head slightly. "You don't want to talk about that, do you? You want to know what has happened to Jo."

Daniel just nodded his agreement and looked at Steve. "Dad, is she dead?" The tears started again and Steve put his arm round him.

"No, Son, no, she's not dead." Steve swallowed, hard, and then took a breath and move back from Daniel before beginning to speak again. "But she is in big trouble, and we need to get her back real fast. She has been taken prisoner by … someone, I got a letter this morning, but she isn't alone, Jesse is with her." Steve suddenly realised that he didn't actually know that, the one thing that had helped him through the night had been thinking that Jo would have Jesse with her, but he had no proof of that.

Daniel looked at his face and knew that his dad was telling the truth. "You got a letter, what did it say?" His voice was shaking now, but Daniel didn't care, he had to know what had happened to his mom.

"Just that he had them both, and … and that was it really." Steve couldn't even think of saying anything more. But the young man sitting next to him was way ahead of him.

"You say you got a letter, like the one Michael got from that Todd guy?" Daniel watched as Steve nodded, not trusting his voice to say anything.  "He has them, doesn't he? That … that guy who cuts people up, he has my Mom." This time the tears began to flow and he could do nothing to stop them and he fell into Steve's arms and sobbed on his shoulder.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse groaned and moved a hand to the back of his head. As he did so he felt something heavy against his wrist and for some reason his other arm moved as well. Jesse didn't understand this, and so he began to try to get his fuzzy brain cells working.

"Jesse?" He heard a voice, and knew that he should recognise it but everything around him was blurry and a long way off. With a small sigh he closed his eyes, whatever had happened to him he wasn't ready to fight it, not yet.

Jo watched as Jesse struggled with consciousness for a few minutes before he sank back down into the darkness that had held him in its grip on and off for the last eighteen hours. She wished that she had been in the darkness too, that way her fear wouldn't be so great that she could hold it in her hands. She had never felt vulnerable in LA before, even after the animal rights activists had held her captive, she had resisted the temptation to apply for a California gun permit, and the thought of a bodyguard with her all the time was one she had never seriously considered.

First of all she thought that the man with the gun wanted her for a ransom demand, and she knew that both Steve and David would pay anything to get her back. She hadn't seen the face of the man who had abducted them and so she had been hopeful that once the money had changed hands she would be released, but then something had happened that had chilled her to the bone.

_Jesse had pulled up to a set of lights about two blocks from Sally's house and a red pickup truck had stopped so close to them that he had commented._

_"Jeeze, that guy gets any closer and he'll be saving gas money."_

_"What? I'm sorry, I was miles away." Jo had looked around at the angry tone to Jesse's voice._

_"That guy behind us, he gets any closer and he'll be in the trunk." At that moment the lights had changed and Jesse had drawn away. The other vehicle had stayed behind them all the way until about a half mile or so from the hospital when it had suddenly sped round them and forced Jesse off the road._

_"Ok, that does it, he's tailgated me the entire journey, now he forces me off the road, I'm gonna take his number and …" Jesse had stopped his ranting as he turned to see the man, a balaclava and cap covering his features, pointing a gun at the window. As he watched him gesticulate the movements to lower the window Jo could tell that Jesse had been sorely tempted to leave it where it was. But they both knew a bullet at this close range would shatter the glass anyway so he had complied._

_"Mrs Sloan, how nice to see you, if you and your gentleman friend, Doctor Travis, I believe, would just step out of the vehicle._

_Jo had turned to see another man standing her side of the car, and she knew that there was no was she could make a run for it._

_"What do you want? If it's money or the car then take it, take it all." Jesse had looked up at the man holding a gun on him and then over at Jo to see that the other kidnapper also had a weapon._

_"Oh, no, Doctor Travis, we want more than that, much more. Now, out of your car and into mine, if you don't mind. Jo had climbed into the bed of the truck, which was similar to Steve's, and sat down. The cap was on the truck and she knew they wouldn't be seen. Jesse must have taken too long to climb into the vehicle because Jo saw the man with him raise his gun and smash it down across the back of his head and he had fallen without a sound at her feet._

_"Move him further in and then I suggest that you keep quiet, or I might just have to start my harvest a little early."_

_Jo hadn't been able to reply to that and she had just nodded and pulled her friend towards her until his head rested in her lap and then she had gently made sure that he was comfortable and stroked his hair back for the entire journey. Although at the time she had been scared and her life seemed to be moving in slow motion, she knew that the abduction hadn't taken any more than about a minute or two at the most._

_As Jesse was pulled away from her and dumped out of the truck and onto the floor the man who had attacked him began to speak._

_"Say goodbye to your gentleman friend, you won't be close enough to touch him for a while."_

_Jo looked around her, she was in some type of garage, she had no idea where it was as the windows in the back of the truck had been blacked out and she hadn't had a chance to see anything when they arrived because they had driven straight in._

_In the far corner was a huge metal cage and Jo, a gun to the back of her head the entire time, watched in horror as Jesse was picked up and carried to the cage, dropped to the floor and then chained up in manacles which were attached round his neck, both wrists and his ankles and then to the bars. _

_Once that was done a curtain was pulled back and Jo saw another cage, which she was put into and restrained as well._

_"Now, Mrs. Sloan, or is it Jo, or maybe __Texas__, how do you like your new home? It's lovely isn't it? Not as grand as the one in __Beverley__Hills__, but lovely all the same."__ As soon as he called her __Texas__ her blood froze. She must somehow know this man, and if she knew him then she was already dead._

They had been left alone then and Jo had sat watching Jesse, listening to his breathing, too frightened to do anything but stay in the position she had been put, trying not to think about what Levington had done to Rae when he had taken her. Her captor had come back in the late afternoon and entered her cage, her inability to move had left her and she had cowered as far back in her prison as her chains would allow, terrified at what he might do.

_"You can move as much as you like there is no escape, do I frighten you? Do I care? No, I don't. Give me your hand … GIVE ME YOUR HAND … Jo had moved her right hand forward trying not to let it shake. Her captor had grasped it tightly and, as she watched in fear, had cut all her nails off with a pair of household scissors. He had done the same with the left hand and then without another word had left her._

_"Now, Doctor Travis … Still asleep are we?" He had pulled back his foot and kicked out viciously and Jesse had moaned slightly but done nothing to protect himself. "Mmm, oh, well, I am sure I will find what I want without your help." He had roughly turned Jesse over and begun to go through his pockets until he found his wallet. He took out a couple of photos and what looked to Jo like a letter of some kind, which he began to read. "Oh, how sweet … like a chewed up toffee! You are a fool if you believed this; she was probably screwing another doctor while she was up there, and have you seen how she looks at her partner? Women, disgusting whores the lot of them." He had given Jesse another kick, just, it seemed to Jo, for the fun of it and then left the doctor where he lay._

_"Bye my beauties, I will be back, don't go away." _

_Jo had heard him laugh all the way back to wherever it was he went._

_~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*_

Rae had sat with Cheryl for a few moments wanting to know what she had said to Michael before she herself went to see him. Cheryl had said that she had basically just repeated everything as she had told her and Steve. Rae hadn't been surprised, that sort of news only had one way of telling, and she had set ways of passing on bad news herself.

Michael was cleaning down what, to Rae, looked like perfectly clean counters as she entered the room, and she moved over towards him and cleared her throat.

"Yes, Madam, is there anything I can get for you?" Michael's voice was tight and restrained and told Rae a lot.

Rae shook her head, "No, Michael, I just wanted to see how you are. Steve's upstairs with Daniel right now; I don't think he will be down for a while."

"I see. I am just carrying on with the things that I normally do … and considering handing in my notice, Madam."

"What? Michael, why?" Rae couldn't believe her ears, he was as much a part of this family as anyone, and then she realised what the problem was, and why he had told her. "It's because a butler is a servant, and as such must be able to continue in a normal fashion whatever disaster befalls his employers… And you can't do that can you?"

"The day that Miss Josephine's grandmother died I was due to polish all the wood in the library. I did it just as I had planned, nothing was overlooked, I catered for everyone who came to pay their respects, I even paid them myself, but I carried on … butlering, as I had been trained to do, and even if I hadn't been trained I would have found no difficulty in doing that … but now …" Michael's words faded away and Rae moved a little closer.

"But now, you are suffering as much as we are. Michael, look at me." Rae's voice was a little sterner than she had intended but it worked and he turned to face her.

"Texas never wanted a butler, she wanted a friend, she needed a friend, and that was you. If you leave now, or when she comes home, she will feel as if she has lost not a servant, not an employee, but a member of her family. Michael, I think that you have to accept that the moment Jo arrived on your doorstep after her travels your role as a traditional butler disappeared." Rae paused for a moment as she saw Michael nod his head a small smile on his face.

"She wanted me to eat my meals with her, and couldn't understand why I wouldn't. In the evenings she used to invite me into the living room or the morning room to spend time with her, and again, she couldn't understand why I didn't do so… Her grandmother wouldn't even set foot in the morning room after twelve noon.  I have relaxed my role a little with her, but never as much as she would like me to, but … but …"

"But you love her, Michael, and she loves you. She won't stop you leaving, but neither she nor her family will be the same without you." Rae touched him gently on the arm and heard him take a gulp of air. She knew that he was fighting the tears and so she left him to let them fall without a witness.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse stirred again, and he knew that this time there was no return to the darkness. He tried to move his hand towards his head and this time he heard chains move and that woke him up a little more.

"Jesse? Can you hear me?"

"Rae?" Jesse's voice was weak and sounded odd to him but he tried to speak again. "What happened? Where am I? Rae?"

"No, it's me, Jo, and I don't know where we are, Jesse, but remember the guy who cut you off just before we got to the hospital?"

Jesse shook his head and regretted it immediately, for a second the world swam around again, and then with an effort he began to refocus. "No, I don't remember … I spoke to you on the phone, about Debbie being pregnant… I don't remember any more." Jesse felt the pressure of something around his neck and was horrified when his fingers touched cold metal.

Slowly Jo began to explain to Jesse what had happened, and as she did so they both heard the unmistakable noise of someone walking towards their prison.

"Ah, Doctor Travis, I am glad to see that you are with us, now, I need you to tell me a couple of things."

Jesse looked up from the floor where he was still laying and saw a figure towering over him; he was dressed entirely in blue, blue slacks and shirt with a balaclava helmet topped off by a sports cap and gloves. "What? What do you want?"

"Is this your medical bag?" The man held up the bag that Jesse never went anywhere without, and swung it back and forth.

Jesse nodded his head and wasn't surprised that the room moved around him again.

"Good, I have been looking through it, there is some interesting stuff in here. Ah, a syringe, without its needle, but I have some of those, no scalpels though, shame, you never can have too many of them, anaesthetic cream would I use that? I don't know it's fun to hear the screams.  Ooh, a prescription pad, now that really will come in useful, and your cards, doctor, mmm, I think I can use them as well. Oh, and doctor, don't look for your cell phone, I have that too. I will be back in a little while, but then I will be forced to leave you. Places to go, people to meet, in fact I might even get involved in the search that is bound to be going on for you."

The man turned and left the garage and Jesse and Jo looked at each other, fear beginning to rest even more uncomfortably in their souls. Both of them could think of only one reason why they would have a captor who needed scalpels and syringes, and neither of them was brave enough to voice it, not yet.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had returned home to speak with Sally and tell her about the imminent arrival of the FBI. She had seen the large truck in front of her house and couldn't believe that she had missed it earlier. As she let herself in she could hear her eldest daughter joining in with one of the songs on Sesame Street, and despite the situation had to smile, it was clear that Eliana had inherited all the singing talents of her mother.

Rae made her way to the playroom and entered quietly. Anneya was in her bouncy chair and began to kick her legs as soon as she spotted her, and then her other daughter turned and ran to her. "Mommy, Mommy!" 

Rae smiled at Sally and then crouched down, the guilt she felt from the previous day was still tangible and she rubbed her hand across the back of her daughter's legs, the smooth skin feeling wonderful under her fingers, but the memory of the raised wheals still fresh in her mine.

"Hey, Sweetie, you watch your programme while I talk to Sally, ok?" Rae leant over and ran a finger down Anneya's cheek and then, lifting Eliana onto her lap, sat on the sofa so that she could talk in a more comfortable position.

"There are going to be FBI agents in the house, they have jurisdiction over all kidnapping cases, and they will have guys in both houses, not for long I hope, maybe they can co-ordinate everything from just one house. I don't want them to upset the girls, they are gonna start missing their daddy soon, and having a stranger or two in the house won't help."

Sally had been nodding her head in agreement to everything that Rae had said. "You know, I could take them home with me, that way they wouldn't get upset, and for a short time they could sleep there without too much change to their routine."

"No!" Rae didn't shout but the word came out as a bark and her child carer moved back in shock. "Sally, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to speak like that, but no, I … I need them here, I couldn't have the house to myself, I just couldn't. Right now they are all the family I have, I … I … I just need them here." Rae felt the panic and tears threaten her again and knew that she couldn't let either free, she had to be strong, keep a brave face on the whole time, because if she lost it now she wasn't sure if she would ever find it again.

"I'm sorry, Rae, I didn't think of it that way. Of course we'll stay here." Sally put her arm around Rae and for a moment they sat in silence. Rae realised how lucky she was to have friends who would look after her and comfort her while her life was so awful, and she truly hoped that she would never have to do it for any of them. As they sat there the phone rang in the hallway and Rae carefully moved her daughter over onto Sally's lap and went to answer it.

"Hello? Travis residence." Rae found that her heart was hammering in her chest as she waited for the caller to identify him or herself. "Hello?" Rae's heart began to beat even louder, and then there was a click and the call was over. For a moment she just stood there, and then she headed towards the front door, as the thought occurred to her that she could put the answering machine on as long as it didn't mess up the FBI equipment.

As she moved out onto her step Rae saw Ron striding towards her, a look of grim determination on his face. "Rae, go back in." She did as she was told and then closed the door immediately that her friend was inside.

"Why, what's wrong, did something else happen, do you have new information?"

"No, Rae, but you just got a dead call, that can't be a coincidence. Have you had them before?"

"No, not for a long time, and then only on my cell. It's never happened here before."

"Don't you have an answering machine?"

Rae nodded. "I turned it off when Cheryl said the line was gonna be taped. I didn't want it to mess anything up. It came with the house, and … well, I think it's pretty old."

"It should be ok. I guess you could always buy a new one, but until then just keep it turned on. If the guys in the truck have a problem with it they'll soon let you know."

Rae walked over to the table and did just that, and then, with her back still towards Ron she closed her eyes and concentrated on being positive and calm. The fact that she didn't know where Jesse was, the source of all her fear, threatened her again, but as she tried to picture him dancing with her at the ball, to her surprise she felt all the feelings of panic dissipate but she knew that they would be there, just beneath the surface until she got Jesse back. With a forced smile Rae turned back to Ron. "I guess you want to speak with me, huh?"

"Yeah, do you want to come back to Steve's? Bring the girls if you want, Cheryl said you had help with them, but it's up to you."

"No, I'll leave them here with Sally. She's used to having them during the day, I'll just come back when we've finished." Ron nodded his head and then watched as she went and told her friend where she was going, then, his hand on his gun at all times he escorted her back to Steve and Jo's house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo heard her captor come back long before she saw him. He was whistling and with a shudder she recognised the tune as 'The Yellow Rose of Texas.' The door opened and a shaft of bright sunlight cut through the dusty garage, sending patterns through the particles. Jesse had managed to get himself into a sitting position and was now leaning against the bars at the back of his cell, and he could feel himself begin to shake as the man came closer.

"Doctor Travis, how do you like your accommodations? You know I am sure that you will be interested in the procedure I am about to carry out. I would ask that you move a little closer, so that you have an uninterrupted view."

"Just let me out, and then the bars won't get in the way." Jesse got shakily to his feet. He wished he could say he felt fine now, but the amount of time spent on the cold floor had robbed him of almost all feeling in his legs and any position apart from sitting or lying made the room spin.

"Just do it." There was a sudden movement and Jesse saw a gun being pointed at Jo. "And trust me I will shoot, it matters not to me whether she is alive or dead, but I think it may to you, am I right?"

Jesse nodded his head and moved over towards the front of the cage. As he got there the man put his hand in through the bars grabbed Jesse by the hair and pulled until he felt some come away. Jesse managed to stop himself from crying out but for a moment the world around him became a red fog.

"Ooh, aren't we a brave little soldier? Maybe I should do it again." This time Jesse couldn't keep the cry of pain in and it resonated around the building and he hung his head in shame, sinking back to the ground as he did so.

"Now, as I was saying, I think that you will be very interested in the procedure that I am about to carry out.  If I am doing it wrong maybe you would be kind enough to let me know. Oh, I will need my assistant." The man stopped talking, put two fingers in his mouth and whistled a long shrill note. Another man entered the room, he too was armed and he moved over towards Jesse, then he crouched down to the floor, picked up the chain that was attached to his neck and pulled on it, hard.

Jesse was unable to steady himself in time, and was yanked forward until his face smashed into the bars. He heard Jo call out his name and then felt the unmistakable sensation of blood as it poured from his nose and a gun muzzle was placed behind his ear.

"Well, well, the little Texas lady is concerned for her friend. I think that he may have need to be more concerned about you. Now, I will need this, this and this." He put a small table just by the side of the bars and then on it he placed two scalpels, a small bowl and some gauze wraps. I have to send a parcel to your husband, I would suggest that you don't struggle, if you do the doctor will get more than a bloody nose, in fact he won't have a nose, or a head, for that matter." Jo looked at the mad man standing in front of her and felt herself grow dizzy. She knew now without a shadow of a doubt who he was, and the fear was almost overwhelming. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve, Daniel and Michael were sitting in the living room, Rae could see that the boy's face was still puffy from the amount of tears he had shed, and her heart went out to him. He had just found a stable home that he loved and it had been ripped apart right in front of him.

"Rae, are you ok?" Steve stood up as she came into the room and moved across to her, concern etching his features as well as exhaustion and worry.

"No, but then neither are you, none of us are, but we will be … when we get them back." Rae forced her positive nature to return, not fully, but just a little. "We will get them back, Steve, we have to, I can't imagine my life without Jesse in it, so I won't let that happen."

"Honey, sometimes there are more problems than we can deal with, what if this is one of those times?"

"No, I won't listen, Steve. I have to be positive … I don't want to talk about it any more, ok?"

Suddenly Steve knew that she was warning him off, that she couldn't cope with being anything but upbeat because the alternative was too terrible for her to contemplate. He also knew that until she had proof positive in front of her that Jesse or Jo was dead she would only believe it was true in her darkest moments.

"Ok, guys let's get moving on this. Steve, does Jo have any other family apart from … Rae?" Ron had heard a gasp and turned to see Rae looking horror struck at what he had just said.

"Jesse's mom, I should have called her last night, I never even thought about it. Ron, I ought to go and speak with her now, can you wait a few minutes … what time would it be in Minneapolis? It's what eleven o'clock here." Rae was amazed, the time, which she had thought would drag, had flown by.

Rae moved out into the hall and picked up the receiver. There was an agent standing just inside the front door and he looked at her as she stood there. His presence unnerved her a little but she knew that there was nothing she could do about it. Rae had left her purse at Steve's the night before, it was sitting on the hall table where she had put it, so with a sigh she pulled out her diary, turned to the addresses at the back and began to flick through to the T's. Rae knew that she should get in touch with Jesse's dad too, but Dane Travis was not an easy man to track down. He found you, not the other way round. Rae could still remember the amazement she had felt when Jesse had finally told her that his dad was a spy, in fact she hadn't believed him, and it wasn't until she had actually mentioned him to Mark and he had confirmed it that she had realised that Jesse was telling the truth.

The phone in Jesse's mom's office rang out and Rae took a deep breath. As it was answered Rae let the air out and began to talk. "Please may I speak with Doctor Travis … This is her daughter-in-law Rae Travis calling from Los Angeles … yes, I'll hold." Rae moved the phone from her ear as 'Greensleeves' began to play and forced herself to relax as she saw the whiteness of her knuckles on the receiver.

"Rae? Honey, how are you?" The confident but friendly voice of her mother-in-law made Rae jump and she moved the phone back to her ear.

"Mom, I need to speak with you about Jesse…"

Steve had sat back down when Rae had left the room and watched his son with pride as he sat, back straight, hands in his lap, holding himself together so that no one would know just how much he was hurting inside. Steve let Ron know that David would be flying up from Texas in the next day or so. He had business commitments that he couldn't cancel, but then he and maybe Debbie would stay as long as it took to find his sister.

They could all hear Rae's voice on the phone, and knew that she was finding her task difficult. A couple of times it wavered, and there were long silences, but in the end, about five or ten minutes after she had left the room Rae came back in and sat, without a word, in one of the empty chairs, her hands also in her lap and looked at Ron, not trusting herself to speak, but wanting desperately for him to start whatever it was he had to say.

Ron took a deep breath and looked at the people in front of him. He knew and liked Steve and Rae; in fact Steve was one of the very few close friends he had. Daniel seemed like a good kid, and if Steve and Jo liked him then it was good enough for him. Michael, he didn't know, but he knew how highly everybody thought of him, and once again that was good enough for him.

"Ok, this is a somewhat different scenario than most kidnap cases because first of all we know who has them, but we have no idea who he is. We know what he is likely to do, but we have no idea how to prevent it. We know that he will get in touch with us, but we have no way of making contact with him."

"So, what you are saying is that we just have to sit on our hands and wait to see what comes in the mail?" Steve's voice was slightly high and Rae leant over and placed her palm on his arm.

"Shhh, we have to go with what Ron says, you know that."

"Steve, I wish I could clap and have everything we need to go and make an arrest but I can't. The area where they were snatched from is in between speed cameras, nothing showed up. I have officers checking the area now, as it is coming up to the time that we believe they were taken. Maybe they got spotted by someone who travels that route regularly. The traffic wasn't gridlocked yesterday, but it was a little stop and go."

Rae thought for a moment, it hadn't occurred to her that the lunch time snarl would have started when they were taken. She had got caught in it herself and even considered heading home for lunch and then going off on her jaunt to Yucca Valley. If only she had maybe she would have realised that something was wrong earlier.

"Rae? Are you all right?" Ron's voice cut through her thoughts.

"Yes, I'm sorry, I was just thinking about the traffic being snarled up. Somebody must have seen something. Nobody leaves their car unattended on the highway, not in Los Angeles. You know I'm amazed nobody took the car, it's a lovely one."

Ron looked at her. "They just took bits of it, Rae. Wing mirrors, tires, the CD player, obviously, and the windows and the lights were smashed. I'm sorry."

"No, that's ok, I'm not surprised."

"At least we know where they were last seen; we can put that on the posters we need to get made up. Can you both let me have an up to date picture of Jo and Jesse. We will do some with them both on, and some separate, but we can make sure that the area where the car was is saturated with flyers."

"You know…" Rae was thinking as she spoke, "In England when there is an accident, or an incident on a main road the police put up a notice, bright yellow they are, and it has the date and time that it happened and a number to call if you have any information. I don't think I have ever seen one here, couldn't we do that?"

"I guess so, but we tend to put the posters and flyers out. We get a pretty good response from that."

"Ron, all my pictures were destroyed when I lost the house. I don't even have a picture of Jesse by my bed right now." Rae swallowed her feelings back down, clenching her fists until she could feel her nails driving into her palms, and then she looked over at Steve.

"You'll have some current pictures with Jesse in them won't you?"

"I'm sure we will, I'll just go get them." Steve stood up; he had been on the other end of this scenario too many times to count. It was always harrowing for the families involved to look through photos of happy times in order to find a picture for the police to circulate, it was as if they were having another part of their loved ones taken away, and now he had to suffer it himself.

It didn't take long to find the photo albums, but the searching, as Steve had thought was a traumatic period for all of them. Neither Daniel nor Michael had spoken at all since Ron had entered the room, and they sat silently still as he and Rae searched for pictures that were suitable to be enlarged and put on a poster.

The search took well over an hour and Michael had excused himself half way through it to go and prepare some lunch. After he left Daniel moved a little closer and began to look through some of the older photos taken before he became a part of their lives. His real mom had been quite a tall lady, from what he could remember, and he had loved her very much, but the feelings he had for Jo were getting almost as strong, and he had to blink back the tears as he looked at wedding photos, and pictures of picnics on the beach, or barbeques on the deck of Mark's house. Daniel had one picture of his mom that he kept in the nightstand by his bed. She had long blonde hair, and looked like an angel to him. She had left her husband and her son one night, gone out to a club with her friend Tina and never come back. He had no idea if she was alive or dead, but somewhere inside of him he knew that if she had died he would feel it. And he felt nothing. Daniel brought himself back from his wanderings and looked at a picture taken of Jo just a week or so ago. They had been sitting out in the garden, the sun had been hot and Jo had sat under the sunshade reading a gardening magazine while he worked on a project next to her. He didn't think there were any other photos of the two of them together, and he picked it up and showed it to Steve.

"Can I have this?"

"Yeah, sure, Son. I'll find you a frame for it later."

"Thanks."

By the time Michael came back into the room with a tea trolley containing both tea and coffee, three plates of sandwiches as well as fruitcake and cheese and biscuits the difficult task was almost at an end. Ron had taken a note of dates of birth, height, approximate weight, what they had been wearing, which was hard because neither Steve nor Rae had seen their spouses out of bed that morning, as well as distinguishing marks, of which there were none, and he was preparing to take the entire package to the printers. As he stood up Rae did too.

"I'm going to go back home, I want to be with the girls for a while, but I'll come back when they have their naps. Ron, I'll ask Sally what Jesse and Texas were wearing and call you in a minute."

Steve stood up too and moved over to her. "Ok, partner, you take care, and I'll see you later." He had just kissed her gently on the cheek when there was a knock on the door and Ron moved out into the hallway. Five minutes later he returned and both Steve and Rae knew that something had happened.

"There has been another parcel, and a letter was couriered to the station."

The room seemed to freeze. Nobody moved or said a word, the nightmare had just got much worse, and all of them knew they were powerless to stop it happening again and again.


	40. Shock Treatment

**Shock Treatment**

Jesse sat in Jo's cage and held her in his arms. He was still manacled, but he had managed to put his wrists over her head so that he could hold her close to him. There was only one blanket in their prison and he had that wrapped around her.

He knew that Jo had gone into shock before the mad man holding them had even touched her, and he also knew that he wasn't far removed from it himself. There was blood all over his white shirt, both his own and Jo's, and her clothes were covered too. He was trying to keep the blood flow to a minimum, and he had her limb elevated as much as he could. Jo stirred slightly in his arms and he moved her a little closer to him. "Shhh, it's ok, he's gone for now."

"Hurts, Jesse." Jo's voice was faint, and he struggled to hear her.

"I know, I'll look at it in a minute, you have to keep it like this for a while longer."

"I want to go home now, Jesse. I don't like it here."

"I know, Honey, but we can't, not yet."

Jo giggled, and Jesse felt his alarm grow. "Honey, you called me Honey. I'll tell Rae." She began to shake and Jesse pulled the blanket round her a little more. He wanted to elevate her feet, and let her recline against him, but there was neither the space nor the equipment to do either, and so he ran his hand down the side of her face and held her close.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Ron looked at the two people standing in front of him, and for a moment none of them spoke. But then he shook himself mentally and indicated with his hand that they should sit down. As they did so one of the agents who was working in the hallway came in and spoke quietly to Ron.

Once he had left, Ron closed the door and hesitated before he spoke. "Rae, you just got another dead call on your home phone. They are going to analyse the tape, see if there is any background noise." 

Rae just nodded, but then a thought occurred to her. "How does he know my number? We're not in the book, and I never give my home number out … Jesse, he had a new set of cards made up … but the number isn't on them anyway..." Rae thought for a moment, but she couldn't think of anything else to say

"Where did … does he keep them?" Ron hastily changed what he said.

"In his medical bag." 

"Ok, the actual case that you were working has been given to Cheryl," Ron could see that Rae had nothing more to say and so he decided that he would continue as if the call hadn't occurred, "and she will be here in a little while to go over the similarities with you. I'm only dealing with the kidnapping side of things, but as I'm here I can let you know what happened, or we can wait for Cheryl."

"What was sent, Ron? I don't care about anything else; just tell me what was sent." Rae felt her whole body go cold as the fear and shock ran through it. The control that she had tried so hard to maintain was very precarious now, and she knew that if he didn't tell her straight away she might lose it altogether.

Ron took a breath and then, knowing that neither of them would want him to prevaricate any longer, he began to speak again. "There was a finger, a female finger, and hair, a handful of blonde hair."

For a moment the whole world shifted around Steve, and he thought that he was going to pass out or be sick or something, but then all of that left him and he just felt completely helpless. He began to shake again, and Rae put her hand on his arm, but this time it annoyed the hell out of him, and so he shook her off roughly turning on her as he did so. "Just leave it, Rae, leave me! Go away! I can't have you here right now."

Rae just nodded and then she spoke. "Ron, thank you, I'll be at home."

"Rae, wait …" Ron watched her as she paused by the doorway, but he knew that there was nothing else he could say, not yet anyway. 

The FBI agent who was tailing Rae followed her out of the house, and round to her own front door in silence. She hadn't been assigned to guard anyone in a long time, but she always found that they preferred silence, and she was glad that this guy seemed to realise that.

The house was quiet as she entered, and she knew that Eliana and Anneya would be having their lunch in the kitchen before they went for a nap. Rae went up the stairs and into her bedroom, her heart beating so loudly that she was sure that the whole street could hear it. Once she was inside she shut the door, and threw herself on the bed. Part of her desperately wanted to let go, to scream and shout for the hurt that had been caused to her, to Jesse, to Steve and Texas, but she couldn't. Something inside wouldn't let her and so she just grabbed hold of Jesse's pillow and inhaled the smell of him, missing his touch, his voice, his presence, but not being able to do anything about it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had calmed down a little and even slept some, although with her arm held above her head it had been difficult for her. When the bleeding had stopped Jesse released the tourniquet that he had tied around her wrist and watched to see if the flow would start again. Although there was a little bit of seepage, it seemed as if her blood had clotted well, and so he leant over from where he sat and pulled his bag towards him.

Inside the bag he had sutures, and, hidden in a small side pocket were two sets of needles and a scalpel. One set of needles was for stitching wounds, and the other, unbeknownst to his captor were hypodermic. Nobody had ever found them yet, and he had a feeling that they never would. When the dangers of AIDS had become well known he had taken his bag to a tailor who he had treated one time, and explained what he wanted. The man, an expert at his trade, had made a secret pocket which only Jesse and he knew about. There weren't many doctors who carried a bag round with them these days, but he had always done it, and now he was extremely glad that he did so.

Jesse put some lidocaine into a syringe and injected the area that he needed to treat, and then he carefully stretched the skin over the raw edge so that he could stitch it together in an almost envelope shape. As he did so his mind went back to the moment that Jo had lost her finger.

_"Now, Mrs Sloan, or can I call you Jo? I need your hand." After the threat to have his head blown off, Jesse had seen Jo turn in on herself, and he knew that whatever happened she wouldn't be able to fight it. He hadn't seen her when she lost herself before, but Steve had described it to him, and he wasn't at all surprised that she was reacting this way. Slowly, she had given her right hand to the man in front of her and he had moved a small box forward towards it._

_"I haven't tried this on a live subject before; my love was already dead before I used it. Now, you put your finger in here." Jesse could see that the black ebony coloured container had a circular hole in it about half way down. There were two small handles one either side of the beautiful but terrifying object, which was rectangular in shape and quite thin. Jo had done as she was instructed and then as Jesse watched in horror their captor had placed a hand on either side, pushed down on the two levers and Jo's finger had fallen onto the table in front of him, blood coming out of that as well as pouring through the hole and down the face of the box._

_Jo had collapsed backwards to the floor of her cell and Jesse had tried to move closer to her, causing his guard to pull hard on the cuff and chain around his neck. "She will die if you don't let me go to her."_

_"It's just a scratch. I kept that pig Crosier alive and I cut his arm off!"_

_"Yeah, well lucky you, and unlucky him!__ Arghh!" Once again Jesse was pulled into the bars and he felt the unmistakable sensation of bruises coming up on his face._

_"Oh, let him go, release him from that cage and put him into the other one. I'll have more fun with her alive than dead, so let him save her!"_

Jesse sat there now and wondered whether they would both be better off dead.  He knew that there would be more horror and more torture before their ordeal was over, and he also knew that the likelihood of them surviving was remote indeed.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had gone out into the garden and looked at the city again for a long time. He seemed to be able to get some sense of calm from it, if only because, although he could do nothing about it, he knew that she was there somewhere and right now he needed to be calm and believe she was still alive. Suddenly he turned, moved into the house, and straight to the phone. He dialled the number for the hospital and waited for someone to answer it.

Mark had received his son's call with relief, although it was clouded with the grief he felt at what had befallen his daughter-in-law and his friend and colleague. Steve still needed him, and however guilty he felt about it, that fact made him feel good.

By the time Mark had carried out his son's wishes and contacted everyone and they were on their way to Beverley Hills it was after six in the evening. Mark was pleased to see he was the first to arrive and, as he was let into the house by Michael, he wondered just what they would be able to accomplish. He knew though that they had to put everything they had ever learnt together about solving cases into practice, otherwise Jo and Jesse would be lost to them forever.

"Dad!" The word was so full of emotion that it stopped Mark almost in his tracks. He looked into the pain-filled eyes of his son and then took in the slightly bedraggled appearance, the unshaven look and knew that his son's suffering was more than any of them could imagine.

He turned and went into the dining room and his father followed, closing the door behind him. Mark put his hand on Steve's arm and felt the muscles constrict beneath his fingers.

"Steve, I'm sorry, Son, I don't know what else to say." Mark felt himself flounder a little. He loved Jo very much, and knew how complete she had made her husband feel. Now it looked as if all that might be snatched away and he had no idea how to deal with that.

"Tell me that we can save her, Dad … that we can save them." The desperation in Steve's voice tore at Mark's heart, and he desperately wanted to do just that, but he had to take a deep breath and shake his head.

"I can't tell you that, but you know between us we have the expertise to do everything we can to find them and bring them home… If any group of people can do it then we can."

It seemed to help, if only a little, and Steve nodded his head before running his hand through his hair. "I … I feel so helpless, I can't work on the case, I can't even go into the station, I'm not used to being like this."

"I know, but helpless is a feeling that will go once we start working together like we always have. Now, everybody should be here soon, why don't you have a shower, a shave, and change your clothes. You will feel better for it, and … well, so will I!" Mark looked into his son's eyes again as he spoke, and saw just a small spark there, something that recognised the sense behind the suggestion as well as the humour and he nodded his head again.

"I guess I could use a little personal hygiene, huh?"

"Oh, yeah, I would say so." Mark watched with an indulgent smile as Steve left the room and then he sat down on one of the dining chairs and, the seriousness of the situation overwhelming him for a moment, put his head in his hands and tried to find the inner strength he knew he would need if they were all to get through this.

By the time that Steve came back downstairs everybody that Mark had spoken to had arrived, except for Rae, who was coming round after she had put her children to bed. The dining room table had files and photos laid out neatly on it, but the room was empty. In the morning room, however, there were eight people, all wanting to find Jo and Jesse and get their lives back on an even keel.

Amanda and Ron had arranged for the boys to stay with her mother for the night, and as Ron was staying with Steve anyway, Amanda would just do the same. Cheryl had brought all the up-to-date information on the actual Todd case with her, and was hoping that both Steve and Rae could bring her up to speed on their own observations and feelings. She had meant to come over earlier in the day, but somehow the hours had run away from her, and so she had been delighted to accept Mark's offer to join their brain-storming group.  Alex and Shannon were there because as friends of the family Steve wanted them to help out, but also, he was concerned about Rae and how brave she was being, and he wanted Alex to check on her. Daniel and Michael made up their group, and although he had protested, Steve knew that Michael wanted to be a part of anything that would get his employer and friend back to him as soon as possible. Steve had tried to persuade Daniel to wait upstairs, but he had said that he could handle it, and he wanted to be with everybody else, and Steve, without the strength to argue the point had agreed.

Rae had lain Anneya down in her crib and stroked her hair back from her face. There were no curls in it, and already it was far lighter than her sister's. Rae wondered idly if she was going to be a blue eyed blonde, and then as she traced a finger down the child's face and saw her grin she realised that whatever colour the hair or the eyes the smile was all Jesse, and her heart tightened in her chest.

"Towee, Mommy, towee." Eliana had about six books in her hands and as she spoke they all skittered onto the floor. "Oops."

Rae had to laugh. "Oops! Now, who says oops? I guess it must be Sally, because your daddy and I don't say that." She scooped her daughter up into her arms and kissed her soft cheek. The enjoyment that she felt when she was with her little girls helped to mask her pain, and for a moment she didn't want to leave the room, didn't want to go to Steve's and discuss their troubles, didn't want to do anything but bury her head in the sand and pretend everything was ok, but she knew it wasn't and so with a heavy heart she shook her head.  "One story, Mummy doesn't have time for any more."

"K." Eliana struggled "Down, Mommy." Rae put her back on the floor and she immediately went to the books. She picked up four of them and looked up. "These."

"Honey, that's four, not one. Look, one, two, three, four. See?" Rae counted each book, watching her daughter's reaction all the time. Eliana just smiled, put the books on her bed and then climbed up on to it.

When they had moved into Jo's house, it had seemed like a good time to change Eliana from a crib to a bed, and the little girl had made the transition without any problems. She had a bed guard to stop her falling out, and a rail across the doorway, and, as in all things, she had accepted it with a smile and, in this case a yawn, as she had fallen asleep in it for the first time.

Rae sat next to her daughter on the bed and then looked through the rails of the crib to see Anneya watching her. The sound of her voice would hopefully send her youngest child off to sleep and give Sally a peaceful evening while she was out.

"Ok, here we go then, once upon a time …"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse had watched the sun disappear from the dusty window of the garage they were in, and then gradually the whole area had merged into one dark, frightening space. A meal of cheese, bread and two bottles of water had been brought in, but he had no idea when. His watch had been smashed, probably when he had been put in the cage, and Jo didn't have one on. For a moment he thought about Rae, and the silver watch she always wore, but he shoved the thought from his mind. If he let her in then tears welled up in his eyes, and he knew that if he started to cry he would find it almost impossible to stop.

He had finished working on Jo's finger, and, for the situation they were in, he was quite pleased with the result. Although he could no longer see it, he periodically put his own hand over the small stump and was relieved to feel no burning heat, or very much seepage. The blade had severed the finger on its first joint above the knuckle, and Jesse knew that by know Steve would have received it. He wondered how his friend would have reacted, how Rae would have reacted, but he knew that nothing Steve had been through in the past would have prepared him for the agony of knowing that his wife was hurt and in danger and there was nothing he could do about it. Jesse had been there, too many times in the past, and the feelings were still so strong inside of him that he gasped as the memory of the computer images at Crosier's place came up inside his mind. He had been unable to cope with knowing that monster had taken her, had thought she was dead and tried to die himself. The tears came as he wondered just how she would be now that the situation was reversed. Rae wasn't used to being unable to help those she loved, and he knew that she panicked if she didn't know where he was. In the silence of his own private purgatory, he prayed for her, that she would be stronger and braver than he had been. His thoughts were broken into roughly though as he heard a voice. 

"She is asleep I see, good. Now, Doctor, you will come with me."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The eight friends and colleagues had moved into the dining room and were soon sitting round the table not really wanting to start but knowing that nothing would be accomplished otherwise.

Finally Amanda picked up a grey manilla folder and began to speak. "Steve, I have run some tests on … the finger, and it isn't from the same female that we have received other parts from." Amanda paused for a moment as she watched her friend take in what she had just said.

"Is she still alive, Amanda?"

"Yes, and the finger was taken off in one movement. I don't know what type of blade he used, but it would have been extremely sharp and it was put through on a joint."

"And the hair?" The voice came from the doorway and Amanda turned to see Rae standing there. "I'm sorry I'm late, I wanted to put the girls to bed myself." She came into the room and sat down next to Cheryl, not trusting herself to sit next to any of her close friends.

"The hair is Jesse's." Amanda's voice was quiet; Jesse drove her mad regularly, and it had taken a while to get used to his presence in her everyday life after Jack had moved to Colorado, but he had gotten under her skin, and the idea of her world without him in it was too awful to contemplate.

"How do you know for sure?" Rae put a notebook down on the table, and looked over at Amanda.

"Because we have his blood on file. The DNA is being checked, but, Rae I just know that it is his hair."

"Oh." Rae had nothing else that she could think of to say, she nodded her head and then looked down at the table.

Cheryl stood up and took over the conversation. "The letter seems to follow the same line as the ones we already have, although it was sent by courier. We have spoken to the delivery man, but he was sent to the station in Van Nuys to pick up a package. As you know that station is one of the busiest in the city and the desk sergeant had professed to know nothing about it, but when he looked there was an envelope addressed to Steve on the counter." Cheryl had the whole table's attention now, and she carried on speaking. "The parcel had been left in a car in your parking space, Steve."

"Just like before." Steve's voice was hushed as he remembered back to the very first body part, a female upper arm, found in the trunk of a car, just as Jo's finger had been."

"So now we are waiting for the letter that goes with the finger and the hair, yes?" Mark looked round the table and saw nods from Cheryl, Ron and Amanda.

"It's not like before." Rae looked up from where she had been twisting her wedding ring round and round on her finger.

"Yes it is, the arm was in the trunk of the car. Rae, you weren't working then, you don't know." Steve tried to keep the strain and annoyance out of his voice, but he knew that he wasn't succeeding.

"He has never sent two parts together before." Rae was determined not to be distracted. "You got a foot and the … bits in a jar on the same day, but not together. Why did he send the finger and the hair in the same package?"

For a moment the room was silent, and then Shannon gingerly put her hand up, and Steve was reminded of Rae when she had been unable to talk properly. He looked over at Alex's girlfriend and smiled. "Feel free to jump in, Shannon. We don't stand on ceremony."

"Maybe he wants you to know that he has both of them, and … and he means business." Shannon could feel Alex's hand in her own and it gave her the courage to carry on. "Before, it didn't really matter to you what he sent did it? But now…" She trailed her words off; there wasn't really anything else that she wanted to say.

Mark smiled at the young woman and nodded his head. "I think that Shannon is right. Anyone could say that they had Jo and Jesse, he just proved without a doubt that he has them."

"But we knew that from the nails and the letter." Ron pulled out a photo of the first set of items sent to them. "Maybe he is going to send everything jointly this time."

"This time? You make it sound like it is an acceptable thing that he's doing. That he ran out of body parts from his first set of victims and so he just found another two." Rae could hear her voice getting higher and more out of control. "I'm sorry, Ron, I'm sorry." Rae looked back down at the table, not able to face anyone, and then she felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Alex standing right beside her.

"I haven't seen my goddaughter in a while, why don't you and I take a little walk?"

Rae started to refuse, but then just nodded her head; she didn't have the energy to argue. Alex pulled her chair out for her and she stood up. As she passed by Steve's chair she stopped and, mindful of his reaction the last time, touched him gingerly on the arm.

"I'll be back in a while. Steve, I'm sorry I lost my cool, I'm just worried."

Steve bit back the cutting remark that rushed into his head and nodded his head. "I know." He couldn't look at her, or speak with her. He knew that she was the only person apart from his dad that he could let fly at, or cry with and he didn't want to do either right now.

Alex picked up his bag from the hallway, as he, Rae and the FBI agent assigned to her waited for Michael to unlock the door and then they walked out into the darkness.

Steve watched his partner leave with a mixture of relief and regret. He found that her very presence annoyed him, but he knew that they wouldn't be able to get through the ordeal without each other. His dad, who was sitting next to him, cleared his throat and Steve turned to see a look of concern on his face.

"She will understand, but only if you explain it to her. If you just shut her out you will hurt her more than you can know."

"I can't, not now, not yet." For an instant Steve shut his eyes, and then he felt a hand on top of his.

"Dad?" Daniel's voice was full of tears and Steve stood up and took him into his arms.

"Son, I'm sorry, there is nothing else I can say." Steve suddenly understood why his own father had been unable to offer him any consolation.

"Can I go upstairs? I … I can't do this." Daniel held on to Steve, not caring that everybody could see his shoulders heaving, or hear the emotion in his voice. Steve just nodded, knowing that he couldn't speak, and then with his arm round the boy he helped him from the room.

Mark picked up one of the folders on the table and began to look through it. As if taking this to be a signal to begin their own investigation of the documents in front of them all the papers were soon divided up and being read by everyone who was left.

Once Rae had arrived home, her guard had been replaced by the young man who had drawn the short straw and was working nights. He stood in the hallway and watched impassively as Rae and Alex went into the breakfast room. Sally was sitting in there, and Rae spoke quietly to her before she and Alex went into the living room.

"This is a beautiful house, Rae." Alex looked out onto the extensive gardens, and gasped as Rae flicked a switch and the floodlights came on. "Wow, nobody has that much garden in L.A. Well, unless it's sand with ocean at the end of it."

"I didn't want to move here, I thought it was too grand for us, but Jesse," Rae paused for a moment. She found it hard to say his name without letting her voice waiver. "Jesse loved it from right when Texas showed him round. And, well, I guess he persuaded me, and for the short time we have been here together it's been wonderful; it was the right decision." Rae turned away from him and rubbed at her eyes.

"Rae, have you thought about yourself at all since Jesse was taken?" Alex had sat her down on the sofa and put a cuff around her arm. Now he was taking her blood pressure and looking at her with concern.

"How do you mean?"

"Have you eaten, slept, done anything except worry?" Alex let the air out of the inflated cuff. "Your blood pressure is up, you look to me like you haven't slept in a week, and you snapped at Ron for no reason. Let's go to the kitchen and I'll get you something to eat." Rae stood up and as she did so the room began to swim round her. For a moment she staggered and leant heavily into Alex. "And did I mention dizziness?"

Rae sat at the kitchen table and put her head into her hands. She didn't know which way to turn, she was confused, her temper was on hold, but only just, and she didn't seem to be able to think anything through to a conclusion. "Alex?"

"Hold on, I'm just coming." Alex put the jug with the scrambled egg mix he had just made into the microwave and put it on for a minute, then he turned and moved over to where Rae was sitting. "What is it, Rae?"

"Why do I feel that I am about to fly apart when yesterday I was able to be strong, to know that we would get Jesse and Texas back. Why can't I feel that way today?"

"Probably because you haven't eaten, or slept, and I'm guessing that you haven't drunk all that much either…No, I didn't think so." Alex watched Rae shake her head, and then as the microwave pinged he went back over to give his mixture a stir, and put a piece of bread in the toaster.

Five minutes later Rae looked at the meal set out in front of her. "I … I can't, Alex."

"You can, and you will, because if you don't eat or sleep now you will make yourself ill, I will have to admit you to Community General, which will mean that you won't know what is going on, the girls will be without their mom and dad, and … Well, I guess you get the picture, huh?"

"You know that's blackmail don't you?"

"Oh yeah!" Alex smiled and watched as Rae took a small bite of toast and then put a spoonful of egg into her mouth too.

Gradually Rae ate everything on her plate, and then looked in horror as Alex put a mug down in front of her. "No, Alex, that I really can't drink, I just hate hot milk. I'll have an herbal tea instead; camomile and lime, and then I can doze in the chair."

"No, Rae, I want you to go to bed, get undressed, and go to bed, properly. Not lay on the covers and catnap.

"Alex, what if something happens? If they find them, or … or …" Rae stopped talking. If they found them there was a chance they would be dead, and she couldn't cope with that not now.

"If something happens then Mr. Cheerful in the hallway will come get you. Sally will be here too, nothing will be done without you knowing about it, but you have to sleep, and eat. Rae, when they find Jesse he is gonna need you, the Rae that he had before he was taken, not as you are now. If you carry on like this, well, you will be no good to him, no good at all. It's only been two days and already you can't function properly, you have to think of yourself." Alex had taken her drink back, and was re-boiling the kettle.

Rae nodded her head, she knew that he was right, but the thought of going to bed and lying there, alone scared her more than she could say. "Alex, will you stay, until I'm asleep, please? Or … or you and Shannon could stay, there are plenty of bedrooms." Suddenly Rae didn't want the young man to go. She had always trusted him implicitly, but more than that he had always made her feel safe. He had helped her through some of the worst times in her life, as well as two of the best and she needed him.

"Rae, I don't know, I'll check with Shannon, her mom will be expecting her home. But yes, I'll stay with you until you fall asleep. Now, drink your tea and I'll go run you a warm bath … If that's all right with you." Suddenly Alex was embarrassed; he didn't want to overstep his bounds as her doctor, even though they had been friends for a long time.

"Ok." Rae picked up the mug and Alex could see her hands shake as she raised it to her lips, but she smiled at him, and so, slightly encouraged, he went out into the hallway to put a call through to Steve's house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The sun began to flicker through the window of the garage, and Jesse tried to ease his cramped muscles without waking Jo, who was once again curled up against him. The sunlight played with the dust that was everywhere, in the air, on the floor of their cage, but not, Jesse hoped in Jo's wound. He had managed to rig up a sling for her so that she kept her hand above her heart all night, and he could see that the finger was still pink and healthy looking, right up to where it had been amputated. There was no heat emanating from in, but it wasn't cold, and Jesse knew that he had done all he could do. If they ever got out of this alive she would be able to have a prosthetic finger attached to her hand without any problems.

"Ah, Doctor Travis." The voice made him jump and the terror rose up in him causing his heart to beat wildly and a cold chill to pass through him. The man in front of him was still dressed entirely in blue, but this time Jesse could see a detective's badge on his belt and a gun in a shoulder holster. Rae had been right, he was a cop.

"Did you enjoy our time together last night? Did I? And do I really want to know? I would imagine that your little wife is feeling rattled. I have been waiting to deal with her for a long time."

"Why? What has she ever done to you?" Jesse looked up at the masked face, only the mouth was free from the balaclava and dark glasses he wore, but there was a bandana tied, outlaw style around his mouth.

"What has she done to me? Do you want to know? Should I tell you? Oh, all right then. She has done nothing, not face to face, anyway, but she is smug and smart, and she waltzed right into homicide. Is that fair? Should she have done it? No. I almost made it to homicide, but then the exchange scheme happened, and I lost my chance."

"She didn't ask to be put in homicide; she replaced Detective Banks who went to London. She just got placed where Cheryl had been."

"I had no plan to hurt you, but you were with that tramp, and so I had no choice. Could I have taken her and not you? No, I couldn't. But you can get away, Travis, I'll let you go, but she needs you, and if you leave her, she WILL die. Do you stay? Or do you go? Decisions, decisions." Jesse was quiet; he had no idea what to say. "ANSWER ME, DOCTOR!"

"No, no, I won't leave her … I can't." Jesse had jumped when his captor shouted, and Jo had moaned.

"So now, I get the chance to play twice as much." The sound of a gun being cocked split the air and Jesse turned as much as he could to see the other masked man holding a weapon, which was pointing at Jo.

"Give me your hand, Doctor."

"No! No, not my hand … please, I'm a surgeon, I can't work if you hurt my hands." Jesse hated himself for pleading, but he couldn't help it. Once again the shame that he had felt as his hair had been ripped out rose to the surface.

"Doctor Travis to the OR Stat, Doctor Travis to the OR Stat. Will you miss that? No, because you will be dead! Now … GIVE ME YOUR HAND!"

The man with the gun moved closer and jabbed it though the bars and against Jo's head. Jesse knew that she was awake; he had felt her stir in his arms, and heard her suppress a gasp as the man had goaded him. Knowing that he had no choice Jesse took his arms up and over Jo's head and then carefully lay her down on the floor. He turned and held his manacled arms out to the monster standing in front of him.


	41. Desperate Times

**Desperate Times**

Jesse had screamed, he hadn't wanted to but the pain had been so excruciating, so all encompassing, that he had been unable to stop himself. The sound had reverberated around the garage, and he had carried on screaming until he had no breath left, and then he had fallen to the floor, too exhausted, shocked and terrified to move.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had, to her surprise, enjoyed her bath, and she had been quite sleepy when she climbed into bed and waited for Alex to come and see her. When she and Jesse had gone shopping to stock up on some of the things that they had lost in the fire, he had bought two multi packs of t-shirts. One of them had been in the laundry basket and Rae had pulled it out and used it as a nightshirt needing the smell of him next to her to help get her through the night. Now, it was discarded on the floor of her bathroom as she had an early morning shower, and tried to push the panic and despair she felt back down where it wouldn't be able to eat away at her, and stop her from doing all the things that she had to do.

Alex and Shannon had decided to stay in the house with her, and hadn't even let her make up the beds for them. Alex had slept in a room opposite the nursery, and told Rae that even if she heard both girls crying together she wasn't to get up. Either he, Shannon or Sally would deal with it. Rae smiled, despite her situation, she had a feeling that her daughters could have sat on the end of her bed and screamed the house down and she still wouldn't have stirred.

She made her way quietly down the stairs, not wanting to wake anyone, and went into the kitchen to get herself a cup of tea. As she did so there was a ring on the doorbell, and the Agent, whose name Rae knew was Perry, got up from the kitchen chair he had moved out into the hallway and unlocked the door.

"There has been a package delivered for Mrs Travis."

Rae's blood ran cold in her veins, and she had to hold onto the counter to stop herself from shaking. For a few minutes it was all she could do to just keep in that position, but gradually the strength returned to her and she took a deep breath and walked out into the hall.

"Agent Perry? What came?" Rae's voice came out in a whisper, not only because everybody else was still asleep, but because she was almost afraid to ask.

"A parcel, Ma'am. Do you know anyone in England?"

"Do I know anyone in England?" For a moment Rae was dumbfounded. "I guess I've lost the accent then? I am English, my family all live there. Did the parcel come from Britain?"

The FBI agent nodded and looked at the parcel that he had placed carefully on the chair. "It is from a Mrs Ashworth."

"That's my mum." Rae glanced at the young man, and receiving a nod of agreement, picked up the parcel and turned it over. It was square and heavy, and she had absolutely no idea what it was. "I guess I can open it, yes? It was posted before all this began; I don't think it will be anything … unpleasant." 

Agent Perry nodded his head. "It was intercepted by the van outside, and they scanned it."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had heard the gun as it was cocked, and then the feeling of it against her skull. She'd kept her eyes tightly shut and listened as Jesse begged their captor not to touch his hands, felt him gently lay her on the floor and then cringed inwardly as he had screamed in agony as he was tortured, and left, a quivering, hysterical wreck as the two men walked out of the garage, their laughter remaining to taunt them even more.

"Jesse? Oh, God, Jesse, it's gonna be all right, let me see what I can do about this." Jo carefully moved so that she was in front of the man lying beside her. His eyes were glazed over and she wasn't sure if he was even aware of her. She looked around for his bag and then searched through it, looking for something to staunch the flow of blood, knowing that she couldn't even begin to assess the damage until she had done that. 

As she sat there Jo tried to remember what Jesse had done for her just the day before. She looked down at her hand for the first time. For a moment the world swam around her, and she had to grasp hold of the bars of her cage to stop herself from falling on top of Jesse. She moved all the fingers of her right hand and was relieved to be able to waggled the injured one just as well as the others. It hurt, and she knew that it probably would do so for a long time, but she also knew that Jesse had done a wonderful job of making it as neat and clean as possible. Suddenly she needed to do something to thank him, and so she leant over and kissed him gently on the cheek. The sensation seemed to get through to him, but his words broke her heart.

"Rae? Honey, I need you, hold me, please."

Carefully Jo put her arm around him and pulled him close. "She'll be here real soon, cowboy, real soon. You stay with me, an' we'll be just fine."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had woken up just after seven and stayed in the shower until the water ran cold. As he stood under it he let his mind wander back over the conversation he'd had with his son the night before, and he hoped that what he had said and done had helped.

_"Dad?"___

_"Yes?" Daniel had sat down on his bed and Steve had kept his arm around him as he made himself comfortable next to him._

_"How could someone do that? Hurt somebody like that, for no reason?"_

_"I don't know, I spend my life working to stop people I don't understand, from doing things that I can't comprehend. I wish I did know, maybe I could find this guy and get your mom and Jesse home."_

_"He's your best friend, isn't he?" Daniel had wiped his tears away now, and was trying to have as normal a conversation as possible._

_"Yeah, but he annoyed the hell out of me when I first met him." Despite himself Steve smiled. Jesse had been so cocky, so sure of himself, so … young, but somehow there had always been something about him that had drawn them together. Even when Jesse wanted to latch onto him and follow every deductive step he made, Steve still found that he made him laugh and enjoy life more than he had in a long time._

_"He'll look after Mom, won't he? I know he likes her, I heard her on the phone to him before they left, and she was asking for his help."_

_Steve looked at the boy, he hadn't realised that Daniel had heard Jo, hadn't thought to ask. "Do you know why?"_

_"It was something about a baby… Dad, if you have a baby will I have to leave?" Daniel looked into his father's eyes, and then turned away._

_"No, of course not.__ Daniel, look at me." Steve waited and slowly his son raised his eyes to look into his own. "I call you son, because that is how I see you. I changed my personal details at work to say 'married with one child'. Daniel, you are part of my family, our family. I don't want you to ever leave, unless you decide to do so, and I know that your mother feels the same way. Now, you know that you have to get into bed soon and go to sleep." Steve knew that Jo wasn't pregnant, and wondered what she had been talking to Jesse about babies for. Part of him worried that he may never find out. The tears had rushed to his eyes then, and Daniel had stood up, surprising Steve with the speed of his movements. _

_"I need to go back downstairs, to finish what I started. They … they might think I don't care."_

_Steve had got up and walked over to his son. He had placed a hand on each shoulder and turned him towards him. "Oh no, that won't happen. All those people down there are your friends, one of them is your grandpa, they know how much you mean to us, and how much we mean to you. But, Son, even if they didn't, you have to be true to yourself, nobody else, I admire you for getting up and saying that you couldn't cope, that you had to step back from it all, it takes a big man to do that, and you need to remember that."_

_"I want her back, Dad, I miss her, and … and I love her." The tears had come in earnest then, and for a while they had cried together, but finally Steve had pulled back and let the boy climb out of his clothes and into bed._

He had stayed with Daniel watching as the boy had cried himself to sleep, unable to do anything to stop the tears, or tell him that everything would be all right. Steve had sat in the chair by his bedside for a long time after Daniel had finally dozed off. The thought of another night in an empty bed was not one he wanted to contemplate, especially as he knew that his sleep would either be full of dreams of Jo, or so fragmented as to give him no rest at all.

Daniel's sleep had not been peaceful and he had called out on a number of occasions. Each time Steve had taken his hand in his own and it had seemed to calm him down again. Finally, when his son had been quiet for just over an hour and the clock on his nightstand showed 3:47, he had moved out onto the landing and back into the deserted east wing of the house. He knew that David and Debbie would be arriving in a few hours and that, in all probability, a letter would be delivered somewhere that related to the hair and the finger that they had received. Even thinking of the events of the previous day made Steve's strength waiver, and he had lain on top of the covers for the rest of the night trying to think of anything and everything else so as not to delve into his nightmare world any longer.

The doorbell rang as Steve was on his way down the stairs just after half past seven. He paused, not wanting to be seen until he knew who was there. Michael came out of the kitchen and stopped, watching the FBI agent undertake duties he considered his alone.

"Good mornin', my name is David Walters; we are here to see Steve Sloan." The distinctive Texan accent floated into the hallway and Steve carried on down the stairs.

"I see, Sir, and you have identification to prove that?" The agent's voice was curt and businesslike, but not impolite. Steve moved behind him and could see Debbie almost bristling with indignation.

"Agent Whitlowe, it's ok, he is who he says he is." Steve walked closer to his brother-in-law his hand outstretched, but the guard blocked his way.

"I'm sorry, Lieutenant, but I need to see identification from both these people before I can let them in the house."

"Oh, for goodness sakes, the man just doesn't know who he is dealin' with, an' I tell you, Honey, if I don't get to the little girls room real soon, there is gonna be some cleanin' up to be done around here." Debbie glared at the agent in front of her, handed him her driver's licence and then watched as David did the same.

Once they had both been checked and their identities, licence numbers and addresses put into the database that Agent Whitlowe was keeping, the young man from the FBI moved aside and Steve was finally able to greet them both. "Debs, David, thank you for coming, I … I wish it were under happier circumstances."

Debbie stretched up and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Steve, Honey, I'll chat with you in just a little minute, but I wasn't jokin', this baby carryin' is already gettin' to me." Without another word Debbie hurried down towards the small room she knew was one of the downstairs bathrooms leaving Steve staring after her.

"Baby? Debbie is carrying… she's pregnant?" Steve turned to see David, despite the graveness of their situation, smiling at the retreating back of his girlfriend.

"It wasn't planned, but yeah, in seven months I am gonna be a daddy." 

"Congratulations." Steve tried a smile, but he knew that it wasn't as sincere as he would have liked. He had a feeling that he knew now why Jo had been upset and talking about babies, maybe even why she had gone off with Jesse. It had been a big step for her to decide that she would try for a baby, but nothing had happened, and Steve was sure that she had blamed herself and her past for the fact that she hadn't conceived. He also knew that she didn't like Debbie, and so her getting pregnant, apparently without even trying, must have hurt her deeply.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had searched through Jesse's bag and found a bandage and some antiseptic wipes. She had carefully cleaned the area using some of the water left over from the previous evening, as she thought she remembered Jesse doing for her, and then the medical supplies. As she had applied the gauze wrap she felt Jesse pull away from her. "Shh, shh. It's ok, I'm nearly done." Jo realised that between them they were coping with the other's pain far better than their own. She could remember nothing about how she had lost her finger, and she hoped that Jesse would have no recollection of that monster viciously removing three rectangular strips of skin from his arm. For a second her eyes rested on her hand. The index finger was now just a short stump and Jo knew that for the rest of her life, however long or short that was she would look at her hand and remember the nightmare that accompanied it.

Jo was just realising that she could keep her emotions under control when she felt Jesse begin to stir in her arms once again. 

"Rae?" Jesse moved slightly and Jo caught sight of his face, and was alarmed to see sweat standing out on it.

"Jesse, it's Jo, Rae's not here." Jo put the back of her left hand against Jesse's forehead and was alarmed to find that he felt hot to the touch. Without thinking she plunged her right hand into the medical bag, crying out as her finger made contact with the side of it. "Arghhh, oh, God." For a moment all the strength went out of her, and she collapsed back against the rails, taking Jesse with her. The pain that was coursing through her hand was almost indescribable, and closing her eyes she forced herself to be calm.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Alex came down the stairs of Rae and Jesse's home and saw the guard at the door looking very concerned.

"Doctor Martin?"

"Yes, what's wrong?" As Alex spoke he heard the sound of sobbing coming from the room he knew Rae called the breakfast room.

"Mrs Travis had a parcel from her mother, she went in there," he pointed towards the sounds, "and has started to cry."

"Thank you, I'll go to her." Without another word Alex moved across and opened the door. Rae was sitting at the table, the contents of the package spread out in front of her, crying as if her heart would break.

"Rae, Honey, what's wrong?" Alex spoke softly and saw Rae immediately try to hide her tears.

"Nothing … it's nothing, I'll … I'll be fine." Rae wiped her eyes with the hem of her t-shirt and tried to collect herself.

"No, it's not nothing, Rae, it's ok to cry, but something started you off, what was it?" Alex pulled out the chair next to Rae's and sat down so that he was at her level.

For a moment it looked as if Rae was going to refuse to tell him, but then without a word she slid over the book she had been looking at and as Alex opened it he could tell immediately why she was crying. "Oh, Rae, I am so sorry, you would have been delighted to get these if Jesse was home." Alex flicked through the pages, looking at photo after photo. There were ones of Rae and Jesse as they got married, when Eliana was born, and then Anneya, pictures of when they had been in London, just after they had got away from Levington the first time, even some of a day they had spent at the beach when he and Shannon had walked in on a store hold up.

"I told my mum how we had lost all the photos that we had ever had taken together, or with the children, and she didn't say very much. But she must have gotten copies of every picture I have sent to her over the years and put them all together in this book… Oh, Alex, what if Jesse never sees them?" The tears threatened her again, and this time Alex held out his arms and she leant into him and cried on his shoulder.

"Shhh, it's ok, Honey, he will see them, we'll get him back, and Jo, and you will sit here and look through these together."

"You can't promise me that though can you?" Rae looked up into his face, for a second, before lowering her eyes again.

"No, I can't, but you have to be strong, and believe that, because if you don't then, well, you will be letting both of them down." Alex ran his hand down her hair, he had been in the position to advise and help her many times since he had qualified as a doctor, but he wasn't sure how she would take what he had just said.

"I … I want to be, Alex, I want to be strong, to believe that I will see them again, but when I am on my own, or I see how much Steve is suffering, it's just so hard, you know?" Rae lifted her hand and placed it over his as he stroked her hair back. 

"Rae, when … when Levington had you, and Jesse, well you know what he did, the feelings that we all had were awful, I don't think any of us had realised quite how much Jesse needed you. We knew he loved you, but, Honey, his whole life revolves around you, this time none of us are gonna let you suffer on your own, ok?"

"Thank you, Alex, but … You don't think I would … no, Alex, no!" Rae suddenly realised what Alex was trying to say. "You think I would try to kill myself?"

"Rae, no, I don't think so, but then I never thought Jesse would either, don't keep anything in, promise?"

Rae tried to smile and she nodded her head. "Alex, I have two children upstairs, and another three in England. Jesse didn't have that, and he thought that I was dead and his baby too. I can't begin to understand that kind of desperation, but however bad I feel I will still be here when this is all over. Either to …" Rae closed her eyes for a moment. "I will be here when he comes home." Then she lifted her head again and kissed him gently on the cheek, and, as he watched, Alex saw her pull herself together and get ready to face the world once more. "Right, I am going to start breakfast, Alex, I know you and Shannon have to go to work, but please, come see me again, I need you around."

"I will, don't worry, soon you will be begging me to leave." Alex stood up also. He towered over his patient, and so he leant down and kissed her on the top of the head and then held open the door so that she could precede him into the hallway.

Eliana and Anneya came down with Sally just after eight thirty. They had both been asleep when Rae had checked in on them as she made her way downstairs, and now she was glad that that had been the case. Breakfast was put on the table, and for the next half hour Rae concentrated on her children, knowing that there was nothing else she could do.

As Rae was eating with her daughters Steve was showing David everything that they had received so far. He had paled visibly when shown the picture of the finger, but he had insisted on continuing with the unpleasant task.

Debbie had retired to her room once the formalities had been dealt with, and Steve hadn't seen her since. He had, however, heard Daniel's music suddenly disappear and knew that the mother-to-be was getting her own way in that department.

The two men had eaten breakfast together in silence; there wasn't anything that they could say. Daniel had come down and said hello to David, but then he had grabbed some toast and disappeared back upstairs again. He was due back at school the next morning, and he wanted to think things through before he went.

Steve was just pouring two more cups of coffee when Michael entered the room. "Excuse me Sir, but I thought you would wish to see this." The butler handed over a copy of the morning paper and then stepped back.

The headline that screamed out at them made both men gasp in horror, and it was all that Steve could do to keep a hold on the newspaper in his hand.

**_Multi-millionairess taken by Todd Case Killer._******

**_First part already received._**

****

_An unofficial __Los Angeles__ Police department spokesman suggested last night that the wife of one of its officers had been kidnapped by the man who describes himself as S. Todd._

_Body parts have been left in various locations around the city over the past year or so, addressed to Lieutenant Steve Sloan, of the __North Hollywood__ division. This paper understands that it is his wife, society hostess, and one of __America__'s richest citizens, Josephine Walters-Sloan who has been taken._

_Although there was no one available to comment on this it is also our understanding that the husband of Detective Reagan Yeager, Doctor Jesse Travis has been abducted as well._

The article went on to detail all the information that Steve had given out since he had been in charge of the case, and there were pictures of himself, Jo, Rae and Jesse, together with the one of the four of them and Daniel taken at the Fundraising ball the week before.

"I need to call Rae, this will really scare her. She isn't good with things about her family appearing in the paper."

"Then maybe you better carry on readin' a little bit more, look." David pointed to the line of bold print at the bottom of the article. **The Unluckiest Family in ****Los Angeles****?**** P13.**

****

With a heavy heart Steve turned the pages until he got to the article mentioned, and then he just stared. There were pictures of Rae, Jesse and Eliana. Further down were ones of Leticia Howard, Phillip Levington and Louise Willis. The headline shouted out at the two men, and although they were both repulsed by what they saw they had to keep reading.

**_The Unluckiest Family in _****_Los Angeles_****_?_****__**

**_You decide._**

_Ever since she set foot in our fair city Detective Reagan Yeager has been beset by bad fortune. Attacked and almost killed by a homicidal teacher who was already responsible for the deaths of two children in her care, Yeager was only saved by the prompt actions of Doctor Jesse Travis, her then significant other, and business associate of her partner Lieutenant Steve Sloan. _

_Almost immediately after she returned to work following her recovery from that she became the target of a deranged stalker, Phillip Levington, who tried to kill Lieutenant Sloan, and kidnapped Doctor Travis before coercing the English policewoman into his lair._

_She managed to get out of that situation, but after being attacked, and suffering a brain injury from which she has reportedly completely recovered, she was targeted by her stalker once again, and this time kidnapped, forced into marriage, and raped. He also shot and left for dead Doctor Travis, who was by this time engaged to the detective, and the father of the child she was carrying._

_Levington was killed in a hallway of North Hollywood police station, in full view of Yeager, and to gain her revenge, his lover, Louise Willis, began to target the hapless cop, framing her for three murders, and snatching her daughter, Eliana._

_Now, it appears that Doctor Travis, who, amazingly, is still in love with the detective, is married to her and has a second daughter Anneya with her, has become the target of one of her cases once again._

_One wonders whether there is anything left for this family to endure, but I'm sure that if there is, this paper will report it first._

The two men finished reading at roughly the same time and Steve took another look at the pictures. He shook his head, as he realised that the newspaper probably had more Travis family photos than Rae did.

"I can't call her with this; I need to go see her. David, will you be all right here on your own?"

"Yeah, they don't live far away do they? I think I can cope while you are two doors down!" David smiled a tight smile. "Anythin' I can do, you know that. A reward? We put one up when Eliana was taken, maybe we should do that again."

"No, thank you, but no, we know who has them, not his name, but it is Todd, and a reward isn't gonna make any difference, not this time."

David nodded his head, and with a heavy heart Steve left him and headed out into the hallway. He ran up the stairs and knocked on Daniel's door.

"Yeah." Daniel's voice was quieter than normal, and Steve opened the door and went inside.

"Hi, Son, how's it going?"  Steve knew it was a lame start, but he didn't know what else to say.

"I've packed my backpack ready for tomorrow, and you'll take me, right, not M, I need you to take me."

"Hey, I said I would, and you know your mom would have come too … I think it will be best for you to go to school, take your mind off things during the day."

"But anything happens and you'll come get me?"

Steve nodded his head, part of him still wanted to keep the boy at home, but he knew that the longer he was away the harder it would be for him to go back to school. "Of course, nothing will happen that I don't tell you about, ok? Now, the case made the front page of the papers, I have to go see Rae, they have done an inside spread on her and she is gonna just hate it."

"Want me to come? I could play with the girls while you're talking." Daniel shoved his feet into his sneakers as he spoke, and Steve nodded.

"Yeah, that would be good. Thanks." Together the two of them made their way down stairs, and then with an FBI agent right behind them they walked the short distance between the two houses and rang the bell at the Travis residence.

Rae had finished breakfast, put the photos into the sideboard in the breakfast room, and was sitting at the same table as before working out a grocery list with Sally. Anneya was fast asleep in her stroller, a thumb in her mouth and a look of peaceful innocence on her face. Eliana had a pad of paper and some crayons and was teaching them both a lesson they wouldn't soon forget. Rae and Sally heard the door bell ring, but stayed where they were. They had got used to having it answered by Agent Perry.

Two minutes later there was a discreet knock on the door, it opened and the young man began to speak. "Lieutenant Sloan and his son are here to see you."

Rae smiled, and had to stifle a laugh. As serious as the situation was she couldn't help but feel that she had gained the butler that Jesse had wanted her to have. For a second she wondered whether he would have felt the same way had the situation been reversed and then Steve came into the room, she saw his face, and all traces of humour left her.

"What? Something's happened; did you get some more … some more mail?" Rae looked into the eyes of her partner, and then she got up and moved over towards him. The animosity of the previous day was gone, she was scared and she needed him.

"Rae, we made the papers."

"No." Her voice came out as a whisper, and all her colour left her face. She sat back down heavily and Steve put the Los Angeles Times in front of her.

"Rae, I'll be in the kitchen if you need me." Sally picked up the list and left the room, knowing that her presence would be a hindrance and not a help.

For the next ten minutes the room was quiet except for the sound of the pages turning and Eliana and Daniel drawing pictures in the corner of the room. Steve sat down opposite where Rae was sitting and studied her face the entire time. He knew how her life had been ruined before by newspaper photos and articles, and he had a feeling that it may be one time too many for her. Rae's expression didn't change the entire time she looked at the paper, but Steve could tell that some of the time she wasn't reading but disappearing into her mind and visiting with the unhappy memories that lived there.

Finally she looked up at him, and the pain and fatigue in her eyes seemed to have got much worse. "There's nothing we can do is there? All of it is true, but … but I wish they hadn't done it." 

"I know, and you're right, there is nothing we can do, but I just figured it would be better that you found out from me, and not from some reporter trying to get an exclusive for his paper."

"Thank you, Steve, I appreciate it. I don't know what else to say." For a moment Rae's voice wavered, and Steve thought she was going to cry, but once again he saw her pull herself together, and refuse to let the tears out.

"David and Debbie arrived this morning, he offered to put up a reward, but I don't think that it is the right type of case for that."

Rae shook her head, "No, me either. He doesn't want money, he has what he wants, Texas and Jesse. Well, Texas, he never did want Jesse."

"Rae, did Jo ever speak to you about her past, and about having a baby?" Steve hadn't thought to ask before, but Rae was his wife's best friend, and he was sure they would have discussed it.

"Yeah, a little. She was so understanding you know, when Eliana was in the NICU, it was because she knew just how it felt to be pregnant and then have no baby at the end of it. I did, but I just couldn't hold her, or even see her … Oh, God, Steve, she isn't pregnant is she?"

To Rae's relief Steve shook his head. "No, she isn't, but Debbie is."

"Oh!" Rae was quiet for a while and then she looked at her partner. "You know, Jesse offered to run some tests for Texas, if she didn't feel that she could ask your dad to do them. Maybe that's why they were together."

Steve nodded, gradually as they found out different things they were piecing it all together. For the first time he felt a stirring of hope. Together they would get them back.

Steve and Daniel had left Rae not long after, and she and Sally had continued their grocery list. Rae had asked Sally if she would mind going to get everything, and having seen the article in the newspaper she was glad that she had. The list was getting longer and longer, and, just after Steve had left, Eliana had said something that meant there were more things to be bought.

"Mommy?"

"Yes, Sweetie, what is it?" Rae crouched down so that she was at eye level with her daughter.

"Wet, Mommy." The face that Eliana had pulled had made Rae laugh, and she realised that the pleasures of potty training were upon her. The timing wasn't great, but Rae had no intention of not letting her daughter try knickers or pull ups if she thought she was ready.

So now on the list were the pull ups that hadn't even been thought of the last time Rae had toilet trained a child, three potties, and some small candy treats so that Eliana could be praised and rewarded if she got it right. They had also decided to get an extra pack of laundry detergent, just in case.

Sally had been gone a little over ten minutes when there was another ring at the doorbell, and Rae, who was playing with Anneya, waited to see whether her temporary butler would come into the playroom.

Once again there was a knock at the door, and then the young man spoke. "Chief Masters is here to speak with you, Mrs. Travis."

Rae gaped for a moment and then recovered her senses. "Oh, thank you … um, could you send him in?"

Rae was holding Anneya by the hands and she was taking very tentative assisted steps. She looked at her daughter, the little girl was almost eleven months old now, and she wanted to walk. As Rae looked into Anneya's eyes she saw her husband looking back at her, and she held her close for a moment, the emotions she was trying so hard to keep at bay threatening to escape.

"Detective, I hope I am not intruding, but I was passing, and I need to speak with you."

Rae took a deep breath. "No, not at all, Sir, won't you please sit down?"

The Chief pulled a chair out from the table. It was a little smaller than a normal dining chair, but he didn't seem to mind.

"How are you coping, Rae?" Her boss's voice softened, and for a moment the tears threatened her again. She knew that the answer she would give to any other colleague wouldn't work with him.

"It's hard … I miss him, and … and I know what this guy can do." Rae paused for a moment. "I wish I didn't." A tear escaped her then and ran down her cheek. Anneya saw it and reached out to touch it, and for a minute Rae wondered whether she would be able to keep control of herself, but with another deep breath she opened her eyes and smiled. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to apologise for. But maybe I should let you know why I am here?" Chief Masters smiled at his officer. He had a great deal of respect for her, and was extremely troubled by her situation. He knew that if things carried on as they were he would lose a valued detective.

"Yes, please." The relief that Rae felt at his tact was evident in her voice.

"I have finished my initial investigation into the officers in the vice squad, and now I plan to interview each of them, this afternoon as a matter of fact, and I would like you to be present."

"Me, why?" Rae looked on in astonishment. "Won't they think it a little strange that I am there?"

"No, because they won't know that you're there. You have knowledge of this case, and apart from Robinson, you don't know any of them. Rae, I value your experience, and I would like your opinions."

Rae felt herself blush. She knew that her boss had a reputation for being an extremely cold, hard man, who cared for nothing or no one except himself and his position in life, but she had never found him that way, and for reasons that she couldn't explain, he seemed to enjoy her company.

"Thank you, Sir. I, uh, I have to wait until my children's carer comes back from doing the shopping, you don't need me to come straight away do you?"

"No, that is fine, Detective."

"Would you like a coffee or a tea?"

Chief Masters smiled and shook his head. "No, thank you, Rae, it isn't quite time for that yet."

The two police officers sat in a companionable silence for a few minutes, and then as Anneya began to get bored Rae began to play with her again. She picked up a children's mirror and showed her daughter her reflection, then she moved it away again. As Anneya looked for it Rae gradually moved it back in front of her face and the little girl bounced with excitement. It was a game that they had played a lot, and neither of them seemed to tire of it. Rae saw the Chief smile and then he seemed to disappear into thought, and Rae, knowing that he wasn't uncomfortable with the scene carried on playing.

Eliana looked at her mother, and then at the other adult in the room. She got up from where she had been drawing and picked up a reading book. She moved across to the table and pulled at the Chief's pant's leg.

"Aii, Yana want towee … peeze."

For a second the Chief looked a little nonplussed, but he recovered himself, picked the child up and placed her on his lap. Rae found that she had to concentrate very hard on moving the mirror, and then she heard him begin to talk.

"Once there were Giants in our house…"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve and Daniel had walked back home and finding that only Michael was downstairs they had gone out into the garden and sat themselves by the pool. They both had their minds full of thoughts of Jo, but neither of them wanted to burden the other with them. Finally Daniel could contain himself no longer.

"What happens if someone cuts your finger off? Can you die from that?"

"I don't know, do you want to ask Grandpa?"

Daniel nodded his head, not trusting himself to speak. He hadn't actually had the courage to call Mark that yet, but when he and his dad talked they always used grandpa.

Mark had gone home the night before after they had finished going through the information they had. When Alex had said that he was staying with Rae he had decided to return to the beach house, knowing that they hadn't cleaned the litter box, left Kira extra food and water, or done any of the other things he would have done had he planned to stay away.

Steve checked his watch; it was almost eleven o'clock, "I tell you what, we'll call through to the hospital and maybe he can come in on the way home tonight and explain it, is that ok?"

"Yeah, that's fine… Dad, do you think that people would think it wrong if maybe you and I went and used our gym?"

"Daniel, look at me." He waited while his son did just that. "You have to be true to yourself. Like you were last night when you couldn't stay with everybody else. You knew your limitations and you followed them. If what you want to do now is to work out then do it. And, yes, I will join you. There is no right way to behave in a situation like this. Hell, I don't even know how to describe the situation let alone behave correctly. True to yourself … and your mom, ok?"

"Yeah, ok, and thanks… Dad, I miss her so much, you have given me what I never had before, and I'm sorry I was such a pain when I first got here."

Steve smiled, but he couldn't resist asking. "What did we give you?"

"Family. I always felt, I don't know, a visitor, a guest… No, less than that, an outsider. But here, you treated me like I belonged. And … and nobody ever called me son before." Tears came up in Daniels eyes then and he practically threw himself into Steve's arms. "I want her back … I … I just got a family and …" he couldn't continue, and Steve, tears threatening him as well held him close until he felt the boy begin to calm down.

It was almost an hour before the two of them came back in from the garden. Steve had gone straight into the hallway to use the phone when he heard the front doorbell, so putting it back on its cradle he waited with his son to find out who it was.

"Good afternoon, my name is Karen Stonely, I would like to see Lieutenant Sloan."

Steve looked at Daniel. They hadn't seen his social worker for a long time, and he knew that he hadn't called her. "Did you get in touch with her?" Daniel shook his head.

"No, and I guess you didn't, so what does she want?" 

The FBI agent checked Ms Stonely's ID, and then receiving a nod from Steve let her in.

"Good morning, Lieutenant, Daniel, is there somewhere private we could talk?" The woman was the epitome of her position, and Steve felt that something was not right.

"Sure, come into the morning room… Oh, Michael, could you please prepare some coffee?"

"Of course, Sir." The butler had appeared silently, as was his habit.

"Nothing for me, thank you, we won't be here long."

"We?" Steve looked round, but could see nobody else.

Once they were seated, Daniel as close to Steve as he could get, the woman began to speak. "Lieutenant Sloan, I am very sorry for the situation that you find yourself in, but our main concern has to be Daniel. The decision has been made to remove him from your care immediately."

Author's Note: The book that the Chief began to read to Eliana is just beautiful, it is called Once There Were Giants, by Martin Waddell and Penny Dale. I read it to my daughter when she was small, and it holds a special place in my heart.


	42. Keeping it in the Family

**Keeping it in the Family**

By the time Sally returned from getting the groceries Anneya was fast asleep, her head against Rae's shoulder, and Eliana had listened to her story and then climbed onto the sofa and gone to sleep herself. Rae and the Chief had sat talking quietly about things of little consequence, but gradually the conversation had turned to the matters at hand and Rae had found herself analysing things with her boss.

"When I conduct these interviews what do you think I should be looking for?" The Chief had finally agreed to a cup of coffee and he took a sip.

"Um, well, all the normal things I guess. I try to keep eye contact with anyone that I am interrogating, but I also watch their hands, the set of their shoulders." Rae paused for a moment, she still had difficulty with the fact that Chief Masters was asking for her advice, but she had a feeling that he was trying to make her feel more involved in the case. "You'll be talking to cops, they probably look for the same things I do, so they'll make sure that nothing they do stands out." Anneya stirred in Rae's arms and she carefully got to her feet and laid her into the stroller, the little girl moved until she was comfortable and then, putting her thumb into her mouth, she drifted back off to sleep.

The Chief smiled at the child and her mother. "I think that your daughters' are sustaining you at the moment."

Rae nodded. "They are. If I just had Anneya she wouldn't understand if I went to pieces, but Eliana gets upset if I'm cross, or crying, and I don't want that to happen, it's more than that though, both of them are just carrying on with their lives, and while I'm with them I can sort of do the same; not for long but for a little while I can take a step away from reality."

The Chief nodded his head and Rae knew that he understood. She was just about to speak again when the doorbell rang and she felt herself tense up.

"Do you want me to check who it is?" 

"No, Sir, thank you, Agent Perry won't let anybody in who isn't on the list I gave him … mind you, you weren't on the list, but I guess he made an exception." There was a knock on the door at that moment and Rae moved towards it.

"Excuse me, Mrs Travis, but there is a man at the door who claims he is your father-in-law."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve looked at the social worker who was sitting opposite him and for a moment his brain refused to function, but Daniel leapt to his feet.

"No! No, you can't take me away! Dad, tell her, I don't want to go."

"Dad? Did you ask him to call you that, Lieutenant?" Karen Stonely looked at the man and the boy beside him in surprise.

"No, of course not! In fact, it was the other way round, and Daniel asked me if I minded him calling me Dad… I was delighted that he wanted to do so."

"Please, Ms Stonely, don't make me leave, this … this is my home, I … I don't want to go." Daniel had backed away as far as he could from the woman in front of him. His back made contact with the wall behind him and he stopped, his eyes darting around as if he was a trapped animal.

Steve had got to his feet too, and now he moved over and placed an arm around the boy he considered his son.  "Daniel, I have no intention of letting you go, not without a fight anyway."

"Mr. Sloan, this decision was made at a high level. Your wife has been taken by a very dangerous man, we regret this, but our main interest is the safety of Daniel Upton, and we feel that this will be best served if he is removed from your care."

Tears welled up in Daniel's eyes; he couldn't take any more of this in. His real mom had disappeared from his life one night and never returned, he finally found someone who he really thought could replace her, began to let his guard down and love her, and now she was gone too, and the only man whom he'd ever loved like a father was going to have to let him leave with a woman he didn't even like. For a moment his whole world seemed to shift and he leant heavily into Steve. "Please, Dad…" He couldn't say anything else.

"Ms Stonely, I think, with no offence intended, I need to speak with your superior, personally, face to face, before I even consider letting Daniel leave here." The tone in Steve's voice left the social worker in no doubt that the police lieutenant meant business, and with a nod of her head she took her cell phone out of her purse and began to punch in a set of numbers.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae looked at Agent Perry in surprise. "I beg your pardon, who did you say?"

"Your father-in-law. He says his name is Dane Travis." Agent Perry looked back over his shoulder in concern. The man was still on the doorstep and there was now another agent standing behind him, but he was momentarily unsure of himself.

"Oh." Rae was a little bemused. "I guess I'd better come see him then … and introduce myself." Rae smoothed down the t-shirt she had on, and slid her feet back into the sneakers she had kicked off a little earlier.

"Would you like me to come with you, Rae?" The Chief looked concerned, and moved a little closer to his officer.

"No, no, it's all right, Sir, it's just that Jesse …" Rae paused, she still found it hard to say his name without her heart beginning to pound, "Jesse's dad is a hard man to locate. We've been married over two years and I've never met him."

"I'll be in here then, if you need me." The Chief sat back down on the chair he had spent most of the last hour in, and picked up the paper, frowning slightly as he read the headline. Rae took one more look at him and then with a sigh followed her guard out into the hallway.

Dane Travis was standing on the doorstep, a casual air of nonchalance surrounding him, and a very tall FBI agent standing behind him. Rae looked at his face through the glass of her front door and nodded. "I think it's him, like I said, I've never met him before, but Jesse showed me a picture, and it looks like that… I guess he had ID, yes?"

Agent Perry nodded his head, "Yes, Ma'am, without it they don't even get to stand on the step." The young man smiled as he spoke, and Rae saw that it reached up to his light brown eyes. She knew that he was here for a terrible reason, but she had an idea that she may well miss him when he left. He opened the door and the grey haired man who Rae knew was a part of her family entered her home.

"Reagan, my dear, how nice to meet you." Jesse's father held out his hand and Rae took it into hers.

"Please, Mr Travis, call me Rae, no one ever calls me Reagan."

"Then it is Dane, my dear, Dane." He smiled at his daughter-in-law, and Rae knew without a doubt that he was her beloved Jesse's dad. The tears welled up as she saw her husband's smile and eyes in the face of this man and she turned from him.

"I'm sorry." Rae tried to get control of herself, and as she did so the door to the playroom opened and Eliana came out.

"Mommy, Yana, wanna bink… Mommy?" the little girl's chin began to wobble as she saw her mother's tears and she ran to her.

"Shhh, Sweetie, it's ok, I'll get you one in a minute."

"Mommy, cwy," two large tears rolled down Eliana's cheeks, as she joined in her mother's unhappiness.

The knowledge that she was making her daughter cry helped Rae to get herself back under control, and with a forced smile she turned back towards Dane. "Honey, this is your Granddad. Dane, this is our eldest daughter, Eliana Jessica Travis." Rae wiped at the tears that were still threatening to overflow, but she had herself in hand now, and she knew that she wouldn't cry any more.

"Your eldest daughter, you have another one?" Dane looked at the little girl, and Rae could see the love in his eyes. "I have been out of the country for almost eighteen months, I only arrived back about two hours ago, and came straight here."

"You … you know that Jesse isn't here, don't you?" For one awful moment Rae thought she was going to have to explain to this man, who was still a stranger to her, what had happened to his son.

Dane Travis's face grew grave, "Yes, I do, I didn't, but I bought a paper, and … and I saw the article. I called his mother, and, well, she gave me this address. You have a beautiful home, my dear."

"Thank you, do you want to come in and meet your other granddaughter, and I can let you know what has happened so far." Rae received a nod in reply and silently the three of them went back into the playroom.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Karen Stonely's superior was a man called Dean Garrett, he was just a little over five foot six inches high, with shoulder length brown hair, circular glasses and a very cheap looking suit. Steve had been sorely tempted to instruct Agent Whitlowe not to let him in, but knew that would be childish, and he had, after all, requested the man's presence himself.

As it was now lunchtime Michael had prepared a buffet which he had set up in the dining room. Once Mr. Garrett had arrived Steve had invited him to eat with them, and had been relieved when he'd agreed. They had just begun to put food on their plates when Agent Whitlowe came up to speak with Steve again.

"Excuse me, Sir, but Detective Yeager, Chief Masters and a Mr. Travis are waiting for you in the hallway."

For a moment Steve's heart stopped. "Mr. Travis, Jesse?" but he saw the agent shake his head and felt his emotions roll back towards the hopeless position they had been stuck in for the last few days.

"I'm sorry, Sir, he said his name was Dane Travis."

Steve looked towards the other people in the room with him, "Will you excuse me for a moment?" The two adults in the room nodded their heads, and Steve watched as his son moved over to join him.

"Dad, I can come too, right?" The look in Daniel's eyes almost broke Steve's heart, and whether it was the right decision or not he knew that he couldn't say no.

"Of course, Son, but I might send you back in here, ok?"

"Yeah." 

Steve let the boy precede him out of the room and he made sure that he closed the door behind him. Steve kissed Rae on the cheek, and for a moment the two of them hugged each other tightly, and then Rae did the same to Daniel.

"How are you, Daniel?"

"Not good … they want to take me away, Rae. They say I can't stay here any more." The tears threatened him again and Rae looked at her partner.

"Steve? They wouldn't would they? Can they just do that? He belongs here, oh, God, Honey, I am so sorry." Rae moved back over towards where Steve was standing, keeping an arm around Daniel as she did so, and took his hand into her own. She knew just how much he was suffering because Texas had been taken, she couldn't imagine how he would feel if they took his son from him too.

"Don't, Rae, please." The pleading in his voice stopped Rae in her tracks. She knew just how close to the edge he was and so she nodded, but she didn't let go of his hand. "Dane, how are you?" Steve looked at Jesse's father, and then realising that he had ignored his boss completely he turned apologetically in his direction.

"At ease, Lieutenant." The Chief smiled at his officer and saw him visibly relax.

"Steve, I'm fine, but I am so sorry to hear of all your problems. If there is anything I can do, people I can contact, you know I will do so." Dane had clapped Steve on the back, but he felt a little concerned. Rae was married to his son, but she seemed very familiar with the tall, handsome police officer. He guessed that they had a close working relationship, just as he'd had with Cinnamon, but somehow they seemed more than that. 

"Steve, the Chief is interviewing vice cops this afternoon, and he wants me to listen in, we were going to ask you too, but you have to deal with this… If you want me to speak with someone, let them know what wonders you have done for Daniel I can do that, any time, you know that."

Steve nodded his head. "They're in there," pointed to the dining room, "probably discussing our futures right now." Steve ran his hands through his hair, "what will I do without him, Rae? He's part of our family, and Jo, when she comes home, what will she say if he's not here?" 

Rae saw tears start in Steve's eyes, and she held him close to her again, as she did so she spoke. "The dining room, huh, I guess Michael has served lunch, you know I am a little hungry myself. Sir, could you wait a moment?" Rae received a nod from her boss, and then, taking Daniel by the hand, she entered the room.

Rae felt as if her head was going to burst, there was so much going through it, that she thought that she couldn't cope with anything else, but she needed to put Steve's case for him if she could, because she knew that if she didn't she would have failed him, and she would have no hope of concentrating on the interviews she was to attend that afternoon. Daniel had smiled tentatively at the two people sitting at the dining table eating their lunch.

"This is Detective Yeager; she's my dad's partner." Daniel had emphasised the word 'dad', and Rae had smiled to herself.

Steve watched the two of them disappear, willing the tears to stay where they were, and a thought suddenly appeared in his mind that he knew he'd had a very long time ago. Rae had an instant effect on people, he had never been sure why, but they either liked or disliked her, there was no grey ground where she was concerned, he felt guilty but he hoped that she wasn't about to make things worse for him.

About five minutes after Steve had finished his thought process Rae was back with them, she smiled at her partner and then his three guests took their leave, Rae stopped in the doorway and turned, "He's very proud of you and he loves you, I hope that will be enough." She kissed him on the cheek and then joined the Chief and Dane out in the bright sunlight.

"Rae, I'm going to go and see if any of my contacts have useful information, but if it's all right with you I'll come back to your house later, what time do you expect to be home?" Dane looked at the face of the woman he knew his son loved more than any other, and wondered about her. He had been delighted when he heard that Jesse had finally found someone to settle down with, but she wasn't at all as he had imagined she would be, and she certainly didn't seem bereft without him.

"I have no idea, but the girls go to bed at seven and I plan to be home for that. Sir, the interviews will finish around five won't they?" Rae looked from Dane to the Chief and for a moment wished that the latter was her father-in-law. She didn't know why but she knew that she hadn't impressed Jesse's dad, and that troubled her.

"Yes, yes, I have an evening meeting in Fresno, and I have to leave by five at the very latest, I have a chopper booked for five thirty."

"Ok, if you aim to get back here for six thirty I should be back by then, but if you let me have your cell number I will call you if I am gonna be late." Rae took a note pad out of her pocket.

"Young lady, I give my number to no-one, not even Jesse has it." Dane's face showed the surprise he felt at her even asking for it.

"Well, I guess you could be sitting on the front step if I'm late then, because Agent Perry won't let anyone in if I'm not home." Rae turned on her heel and strode down to the chief's car where she stood staring out at the street waiting for her boss to come unlock the doors and let her in. 

"Mr. Travis, it was a pleasure to meet you but we really do need to be going." The Chief walked down to his car, pressing the button that unlocked the doors and disarmed the alarm as he went, and Rae got into the passenger seat.

"I can't believe that he wouldn't give me his number," Rae fumed as her boss started the engine. "His son has been kidnapped for goodness sake, and he is worried about himself."

"Just because a man can't show that he loves his family doesn't mean he can't feel it, Detective," the Chief advised her. "I know a little about Dane Travis, and he may be inept as a father, but he has always had his son's best interests at heart." The Chief looked in the rear view mirror as the black BMW drew away, and he could see Dane Travis, unsure of what to do for the first time in his life, standing there and watching it until it disappeared.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had re-entered the dining room with a heavy heart, and moved straight over to where Daniel was standing looking out into the garden. He knew that his place was here, but he also knew that he should be at the station listening to the vice interviews, trying to piece together the information that they had with results of the Chief's investigation. 

"Mr. Sloan?" The voice cut into his thoughts and he turned round.

"Yes?" 

"We need to discuss the situation with Daniel, and I have to say that from what I have seen since I arrived, he seems to be getting very little attention."

"Ok, let's stop this right now. You think that he should be taken away because I can't care for him, right?" Steve's voice was tinged with the anger that he felt, and he realised that he had his hands in tight fists. 

"Dad!" Daniel moved closer to him, knowing that if Steve lost control completely then he would be some place else by evening.

"Mr. Sloan, losing your temper will help no-one, least of all Daniel, but yes, we feel that the situation that you now find yourself in is not conducive to providing the boy with a stable, happy environment to grow up in."

"Mr Garrett, first of all, if I had lost my temper you would both know about it, and second of all, I realise that what is happening is difficult for Daniel, but taking him away now, when he is so worried about his mother, when he has found a place that he is happy to call home, seems unnecessarily cruel to me."

"Please, Mr. Garrett, don't take me away, I … I don't want to go anywhere else, I like it here, please, please, let me stay." Daniel had moved closer to the two social workers. "This is the first real home I've had since my mom, since my mom left me, no where else will be as good as this."

"Is that because Mr and Mrs Sloan have lots of money?" Karen Stonely's voice was kind, but her comments cut both Steve and Daniel to the quick.

"No, that isn't what I meant. Anything I want I have to earn. I get my allowance every week from the money that they get for looking after me. If I want something that costs more than that then either I have to save up or do chores, sometimes with Dad, but usually with Mom or M."

"M?" It was Mr. Garrett who spoke, and although it was a question Daniel knew that he wasn't really interested, and the boy had a feeling that he had already made up his mind and would take him away.

"M is what I call Michael, he's Mom's butler, but he's more than that, he's like … well, I guess he is like the fourth member of the family, at least he would be if he would let himself." Daniel couldn't help but smile, he had seen both his mom and his dad try again and again to get Michael to join in family occasions, but he never did.

"I see, he would be the person who provided our lunch?"

"That's right; he has worked for my wife for many years, and for her grandmother before that. Daniel is right, he is like a member of the family, and he too is very fond of him."

"Mr. Sloan, I will leave Daniel with you for tonight so that I can discuss this case further, but I have to tell you that my instincts still tell me to remove the boy. We will return in the morning and let you have our final decision then."

"I see." For a moment Steve didn't know what to say or do. "Then … I guess I'll see you then." He felt Daniel move so he was leaning against him and without even thinking he put his arm round him and pulled him even closer.

"I won't come. If you say I have to leave I won't come. This is my home; you have no right to take me away." Daniel's voice was slightly muffled by the closeness of Steve's body to his own, but the message was clear.

The four of them moved out into the hallway, and Steve and Daniel stood together and watched as Ms Stonely and Mr. Garrett left, knowing that they held the future of their family in their hands.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had been on the receiving end of a lecture from the Chief on the drive into the station, he had been right she knew, but it had still hurt.

_"Detective, I am concerned at the way you conduct yourself around the Lieutenant." His eyes never left the road, but the Chief still made Rae feel very uncomfortable._

_"Sir?"___

_"I know that you are in the middle of a very difficult situation at the moment, and so I will excuse it, but if you continue to be that familiar with him once this is over, I will have to recommend you are assigned to another detective."_

_"Yes, Sir, I'm sorry, Sir." Rae had looked down at her hands. She knew that sometimes she forgot herself and let their off-duty friendship slide over into their work relationship and right now, she needed him. She also knew though that the Chief was right, and she would have to take a step back when they were working normally again._

Now though she had settled herself into one of the observation rooms behind the interview suite that the Chief was using. She had a cup of herbal tea and her notepad in front of her, and she had been listening for the past ten minutes to the questions being put to her friend and one time colleague, Martin Robertson. So far she had taken very few notes, and she was certain that he wasn't the one responsible for Texas and Jesse's disappearance. She wasn't alone in the room, and as the Chief began to speak again she smiled across at her companion.

"Detective Robertson, I have a list of dates that I would like to check against your records if I may." The Chief's voice was easily discernable and Rae waited as Martin began to take a note of the information that was required of him.

"What is it that you want to know, Sir?" Martin had been very concerned about the fact that he was to be interviewed by the Chief of Police, and the fact that he had been chosen to go first had been even worse. He watched as the Chief slid a piece of paper across to him and then began to speak.

"These dates, I would like to know whether you were working, and if your records are up to date for all of them."

Martin nodded his head and began to go back through his diary and his notebook. "There are two days when I was off duty, the rest I was here, that is after I returned to work. I was on sick leave for a long time."

"Yes, of course, I realise that, but you should have all that listed in your records. If somebody else came to check these they would expect to know exactly where you were and what you were doing just by looking."

"Yes, Sir, and I think that I can provide you with everything that you need." Martin turned his diary round to show his boss that every day that was on the list had been coloured in on his scheduler. "Blue is the colour I use when I am working, red when I'm not, and then I coloured it green when I was off after the shooting."

"I see, that is very clear, there is no problem with that. Your notebooks that cover this period, did you bring all of those with you as requested?"

"Yes, Sir, they are all dated and … well, I number them so there is no doubt which order they are in. I start from one again each January." Martin looked down, he could still remember Cheryl laughing at him when she had found out what he did, but he'd had no trouble getting all the information the Chief had requested, it had all been just where it should be, and he knew it was all in order.

Chief Masters began flicking through the notebooks and was very impressed by what he saw. It was clear that Robertson took his job and his duties very seriously, and the change from homicide to vice hadn't altered that. He wished that Newman could have kept the young man working with Detective Banks, but when they had started a relationship he'd had no choice but to have him moved.

"Detective, I am very impressed with the way that you have organised yourself, I hope that the rest of your department is run the same way." _Although I doubt it._ The Chief slid the books back over to the young man in front of him. "Once you have collected your things together this interview will be over, there is an officer outside the door, he will take you to an observation room, I want you to listen to everything that is said to you in that room, and act accordingly." The Chief was purposely vague, knowing that everything would be made clear to him in a few minutes time.

The door to the observation room slowly opened and for a brief moment Martin peered inside, then his face broke into a huge smile. "Rae!" He moved closer to her, and as he did so he saw the other person looking at him with a grin almost as wide as his. "Cheryl? Honey, what are you doing … I've been set up, I have no idea why, but I just know I have been set up!"

"Martin, come in and sit down, and we will explain it all to you." Rae stood up and closed the door behind the obviously bemused detective.

"Rae, I'm sorry, how are you? Have you heard anything more about where Jesse and Jo are?"

Rae shook her head, the feelings of being back where she should be, of belonging, were helping her to cope, but Jesse was never very far from her mind, and every time anyone mentioned his name she had to strengthen her resolve again. "Martin, we need you to help us find them, we think that the person behind all of this is … is a cop, a vice cop."

"What?" Martin looked at the two women sitting at the table in front of him and sat heavily into the one free chair. "How can you be so sure? And you are sure aren't you?"

"Oh yeah, we're sure, and we need you to work with Cheryl to root him out."

"With Cheryl … but that's, that's not allowed." Martin knew that he sounded like a gibbering idiot, but right now he felt like one too.

"Honey, just sit quietly and we will explain it all to you. But you are the only cop at the station with up to date knowledge of both vice and homicide investigations, we need you." Cheryl smiled across at him, she knew that what was happening was most unusual, and that as soon as the case was finished, or sooner if they didn't succeed, then Martin would be back in vice, and they would never work with each other again.

"We know that they have been taken by a vice cop because of what happened when we found Crosier's head." Rae closed her eyes for a moment, the vision of the freezer in the maggot and fly filled kitchen flooding her mind.

"Steve came and saw us, and he got Crosier's address…" Martin began to think back to what had happened. "That was when Wanda Harris was murdered, and then her husband too."

"Yeah, and the only people who knew where we were going, apart from ourselves, worked in vice." Rae had the notes she had made at that time in front of her and she slid them across to her friend and one time colleague. "Denny Harris was murdered by the same type of knife as was used in some of the dismemberment …" Rae stopped talking. 

"What, Rae? What did you remember?" Cheryl looked at her, and knew that something had come into her head.

"Attend the tale of Sweeny Todd. My God, he killed him to stop us getting to Crosier's place before he could put the head there, and Wanda, maybe he killed her too." Rae had gone pale, and for a moment she closed her eyes. "We are responsible for his death, we stayed there to secure the scene, and it was much later than we planned before we got to Van Nuys… I guess I always knew, but I just hadn't put it into words before."

Rae put her hand into her pocket and took out her cell phone; she punched in the number for Community General, and then waited. "Oh, hi, this is Detective Yeager; could you please put me through to Doctor Bentley…? Yes, I'll hold."

Amanda was just finishing for the day when her phone rang, with a deep sigh she moved over towards it, hoping that it wouldn't be a case that she had to deal with right away. "Hello, Doctor Bentley… Rae? How are you … have you heard anything…? No, I guess you would … Harris? That was a while ago, let me check my files." Amanda pulled the case up on the computer just in front of her and waited while the information appeared. "Rae, I have it, what was it you wanted to know…? Um, yeah, I guess it could have been a cutthroat razor, except I would call it a straight razor, why…?" Amanda listened to her friend, and as she spoke her heart went out to her, not only was she explaining and joining together three cases, she was increasing the danger to her own husband and her best friend.

By the time Rae closed her cell phone the tears in her eyes had been pushed back for the umpteenth time that day, and with a sigh she looked at her two colleagues. "Amanda says that yes, Denny Harris could have been killed by a cutthroat razor, and she thinks that some of the … parts we have received could have been dissected that way too, especially the fingers which were removed from the hand that we have… 'Attend the tale of Sweeney Todd, His skin was pale and his eye was odd, He shaved the faces of gentlemen … who never thereafter were heard of again' … excuse me." Rae turned and hurried out of the room, but not before both of her friends had seen the tears finally fall and run down her face.


	43. Tension Mounts

**Tension Mounts**

Steve and Daniel had moved into the morning room and sat in silence, one in each of the chairs that were either side of the window. For a long while neither of them said anything. Their thoughts weaving back and forth between what had just happened to them and what could be happening to Jo. In the end Steve had let out a strangled cry and got to his feet.

"Want that trip to the gym?" he asked.

"Yeah, I … I guess so. I don't know what I want to do, Dad, but I gotta do something, before I go crazy."

Steve thought for a moment and then smiled. "Get your coat then, we'll go to an outside gym and you can really lose your temper without doing any damage."

Just over an hour later, Steve pulled up in the parking lot of the Never Say Die Gym. Daniel was sitting on the back seat, and Agent Whitlow was next to Steve. For a moment a smile lit up Steve's features. "Ah, you don't have to join in, but try not to look too much like a fed, ok? Some of the guys who workout here have a real problem with authority."

The agent, who, Steve thought, probably had FBI on his pyjamas, nodded his head and then got out of the car. Daniel had smiled in the back seat of the car, his problems forgotten momentarily as he enjoyed the look on his dad's face.

Steve went into the reception area of the gym and waited while Daniel and Whitlow joined him. Brendan Kelly was standing behind the counter, a sports drink in one hand, his cane in the other. "Steve, man, how are you holding up? I was so sorry to hear about your wife." He put his drink down and came limping out from where he had been standing, his hand held out to shake that of his friend.

"It's … it's hard, y'know, but we have to carry on as best we can. Kelly, this is my son, Daniel, and this is my shadow, Agent Whitlow."

"So, you're Daniel. It's a pleasure to finally meet the boy who melted the big man's heart."

Daniel felt himself blush, but the feelings that the words gave him were more than he could ever describe. After the day he'd had so far they were almost too much for him.

"We've had a real hard day, and … well, we need to bash hell out of something for a while." Steve felt himself struggle with his emotions as Kelly spoke.

"I can understand that. Daniel, did you ever box before?"

"Box, you mean with gloves, and mouth guards and bells and things? No, not ever." Daniel was wide eyed, and Kelly laughed.

"You didn't tell him what sort of gym it was did you?"

Steve shook his head, he had needed the light relief, and now he needed the exercise that he knew a workout here would give him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had shut her eyes and leant back against the wall outside the observation room. She knew that she couldn't leave, and she also knew that there was no way that she was going to dissolve here in the station. For a few minutes she struggled to get her feelings back under control, and she resolved there and then to call Lauren the first chance she got and book an appointment to see her.  She needed someone to talk to who didn't have an emotional involvement in what was happening to her. Someone with whom she could cry and shout if necessary without feeling the need to apologise.

Finally, with a deep sigh, Rae opened the door to the room and returned to her seat. "I'm sorry, guys, I … I just let things overwhelm me for a moment." She felt Cheryl's hand on her arm as she began to speak.

"Rae, you have to let go sometime, I know here isn't the best place to have it happen, but you can't keep being strong the whole time, you'll make yourself ill, and Jesse will need you when he comes back."

"I know, and you aren't the only person who has told me that, I will, I promise, but when I'm home and nobody can see me, ok? I … I did 'let go' with Alex the other night… and that sounds terrible!"

Cheryl smiled, home alone wasn't the place to do it either, and she knew it, but right now they had other things that needed to be discussed. "I'll leave it, but I'll call you, tomorrow, and see how you are."

Rae looked through the mirror into the room in front of her. She watched as the Chief began to speak with Don Werner, and, pushing her own thoughts to the back of her mind, she began to listen once more.

Ten minutes later she had a feeling that the huge black man sitting opposite her boss wasn't the guy they were searching for either. With a shake of her head she looked down at the notes she had taken. The time that she had spent talking with Martin meant that there was very little written down, but Rae knew that the interviews would have all been taped, and she planned to take them home and listen to them once she had put the girls to bed. For a moment she let her mind wander and she thought about Steve and Daniel. The insensitivity of the social services department was staggering, and she couldn't believe that they would even consider taking the boy away at such a difficult time for them all.

As Rae waited for the next cop to come in to see the Chief, who was also the last one, Leroy Raab, Rae heard a knock on the door and turned to see Alison put her head round it. "Detective Yeager, could I have a word with you?" There was something in her tone that told Rae that whatever it was she was about to hear, it wasn't good.

"Sure, Cheryl, Martin, will you excuse me for a moment?" The two friends nodded their approval and she left the room.

"I'm sorry, Detective, but we just got another package, and there is a note in with it. Should I go get the Chief?" 

Rae just nodded her head and then, before she let the desk sergeant leave, asked the question she didn't really want an answer to. "The package, it … it contained … something didn't it?"

"Yes, Ma'am, but I think that you should really wait and see for yourself." 

Rae quickly told Cheryl and Martin to come with her and they followed the woman down to the interview room, and, not wanting to be spotted by the cop inside, the three officers waited just a little way behind Alison. They could still hear the conversation though, and the Chief's voice floated back towards her.

"Detective Raab, if you would just wait here for a moment, this really needs my immediate attention." Rae didn't hear the reply but her boss was at her side almost without delay. "Rae, have you seen this yet?"

"No, Sir, I thought it better to wait for you, the less often the package is handled the better."

"Yes, yes, of course. It is where, Sergeant?"

"In the Captain's office. We have sent for Doctor Bentley, but she wasn't in her office, so it may take a little longer for her to arrive."

They walked the rest of the way in silence before Alison returned to her desk and Rae and the Chief, along with Cheryl and Martin, carried on towards their own destination. The grim look on the Chief's face telling them that conversation would not be forthcoming.

Once the four of them were inside the office and the door was closed behind them the Captain, with a gloved hand, carefully used a pencil to raise the lid of the small box and Rae gasped as she saw the contents. Lying on a piece of kitchen towel were three pieces of skin. They were, Rae reckoned, about four or five inches long in total, and almost two inches wide. "Oh, God, that's Jesse's." Rae looked on in horror as she realised that the box contained part of her husband, and that he would have been in agony as he had been tortured in that way. For a moment the room swum around her, and she felt Cheryl put her arm round her.

"Steady, Rae, sit down for a moment."

"Thank you, I'm sorry, Sir." Rae put her head down into her hands and tried to collect herself.

"How do you know that this is from your husband, Reagan?" It was Captain Newman who spoke, and she could hear the worry and disgust in his voice.

"He's my husband, Captain, I just know that the pieces …" Rae had to swallow, hard. "The pieces of skin are from his arm."

"I was told that there was a note with this, what does that say?" Chief Masters had moved away from his officer, and was eying the box with an impassionate look on his face.

"Yes, there is, I have it in an evidence bag, but it is easy to read.

_Stevie and Rae,_

_I can call you Rae can't I? I feel I know you both so well now. My garage is a little full at the moment, so many body parts, from the dead and the living, what should I do with them all? Could you suggest anything? No, I suppose you won't want to do that._

_I will save your little pet coroner some work, the skin in the box is from Doctor Travis, have you ever heard a pig shriek? Well, he did a very good impersonation of one. Strange, he hasn't spoken very much since, is he normally so quiet? Do I care? No, not really._

_So, you have had one piece from the tramp, four from the good doctor, what, I wonder will the next step be, or will you see or hear from me? Who knows?_

_Have a nice day,_

_S. Todd._

Rae had shut her eyes, listening to the letter was bad enough, but to actually see the box on the desk was more than she could cope with.

"Does Steve know?" Her voice came out faintly, but she looked up and into the eyes of her Captain.

"No, Detective, I've rung his house, and his cell phone. His man told me that he had taken his son to the gym, and he obviously doesn't have his phone on him at the moment. I decided to give him a little while with the boy before I destroyed their day."

Rae nodded; she knew, more than the Captain, just how much Steve and Daniel needed that time. "Why has he done things differently this time?" Rae looked over at her boss, trying to work out the answer to her question as she did so.

"You mean why did he send the letter and the … the skin in the same package?" Captain Newman had been wondering that himself.

"Yes, that's what I mean. If we were closing in on him then I could understand it … unless…"

"Unless he is a vice cop and wasn't sure that he would survive the interview with the Chief? No, that wouldn't work." Martin had started off enthusiastically, but he seemed to run out of steam as he finished talking.

"Why, why wouldn't it work?" Cheryl had made sure she stood as far away from Martin as she could, but it meant that she could look at him without anyone saying too much.

"We were told the interviews were to do with how the department was running; there was no indication that it was anything else." Martin shook his head and the rest of the occupants of the room realised that he was probably right.

"I have to say that if I had committed this crime I would feel jittery the whole time. Maybe he sent the two together just because he was seeing the Chief, and he has a guilty conscience." Cheryl watched the reaction of her friends and colleagues as she spoke and was pleased to see that they agreed with her. "The jar that was found in Steve's truck had a letter with it didn't it? And the hair." Cheryl moved her mind over the rest of the case, and was relieved to see Rae respond to her.

"The jar, we think was opportunistic. I even wonder whether he had been carting it around with him since the start hoping for just such a chance. And I don't think that he would want to wait to leave the note, not that time."

"And the hair?" Martin wasn't as sure of his facts yet, but he would be up to speed as soon as he got a few minutes to review Cheryl's notes.

"I think he needed to send them together because of what it was. But the letter was in a separate package don't forget.  The one with hair in it without the note coming at the same time would have almost been lost in the other clues, but it showed us a few things about the victims, things he wanted us to know. Like the lady doesn't dye her hair for instance. " Rae stopped talking, Jesse didn't dye his hair either, and they had handfuls of that too.

"I think, for the time being, we will call it a glitch and carry on with the investigation." The Chief's tone of voice left everybody in no doubt that the conversation on the previous bits and pieces was over.

Amanda had seen Alex as she was leaving the hospital, and she could see that he had finished his shift. She had spoken with him briefly and he had asked if he could accompany her to the station. By the time they had arrived Rae was standing looking out of the window, but even from behind the two doctors could see that her body language had changed from the last time they had seen her.

Rae looked out at the sky, the sun was beginning its final descent, and she knew that before long she would have to return home, put on a brave face for her children and her father-in-law, eat food she didn't want, and try to find sleep that wouldn't come. She heard Amanda's voice behind her, and with a sigh she forced a smile onto her lips and turned back towards her colleagues in the room with her.

"Alex." For a moment Rae felt her resolve weaken, she was prepared to see Amanda and the other people who had been with her before, but the kind and worried face of her doctor was almost too much for her.

Alex took in all the tell tale signs of someone suffering from a severe mental trauma in one glance and moved quickly over to her. "Rae, I wanted to see how you were doing."

"Good, I'm good, ok?" Her tone told him not to argue with her, that he should leave her be.

Amanda pulled on a pair of latex gloves and carefully lifted the lid on the box in front of her. She managed to contain the gasp that tried to escape her lips, and instead concentrated on being as professional as possible.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Daniel had been shown how to hold himself, wear the gloves, gum guard and head protection, and then with the help of a girl of about sixteen called Maddie he had begun to learn how to actually hit out at the large punching bag that was suspended from the ceiling. For the first ten minutes or so he had just hit wildly at it, and Maddie, recognising the pain and anguish of a fellow sufferer, let him continue for a while, but when she saw the unmistakable sign of tears in his eyes she touched his arm.

"Daniel … Danny, come with me." Her voice was kind and he did just as she said. Steve, watching from the other side of the room, where he had been put through his paces by Kelly, went to follow him but stopped as his friend stepped in front of him. 

"Leave him, Steve, let him be with kids his own age for a while, you know Maddie, she won't say or do anything she shouldn't, but she has been through rough times herself, she'll understand."

The locker room at the gym was empty, as Maddie had known it would be, and she sat down on one of the benches and indicated for Daniel to do the same. "You know just because you're a boy doesn't mean you can't cry, but that wasn't the place to do it."

"I wasn't gonna cry." Daniel looked away.

"Yeah, right, I guess you had something in your eye, huh?" Maddie folded her arms and looked at him. "Wanna tell me what's wrong?"

For a moment Daniel hesitated, but the need to unburden himself was so strong that in the end he nodded his head and began to speak. "You know what happened to my mom, my foster mom that is?"

"Yeah, I heard, I'm real sorry."

"They came to see me today, and they want to take me away from Steve." Daniel looked away, the unfairness of it all overwhelming him for a moment.

"They? You mean the social workers, why, Steve's a good guy, why would they want to do that…?" Maddie looked confused for a moment and Daniel, now needing to speak cut in on what she was saying.

"Because my foster mom has been taken by a lunatic. They think that my dad can't care for me on his own, but he is never on his own, if Mom isn't there then M is, and he's like having about three mothers."

"M?"

"I gotta stop calling him that." Daniel smiled, every time he said 'M', somebody always repeated it as a question. "You know that my mom has a lot of money, right?" He watched as the girl in front of him nodded her head, "Well, M is the butler."

"Oh." Maddie didn't say anything more, and for a little while both of them were silent, but then she spoke again. "I'm guessing that your mom has a lawyer."

"Yes, his name is Gilbert Sholte, I've only met him a coupla times, why?"

"Tell him what's happening, if you don't want to leave, and I would guess that you don't, then get him to tell them that. Maybe they will back down if you have some muscle behind you."

"These aren't enough?" Daniel flexed the muscles in his arms and Maddie laughed.

"No, not yet, but come here a few more times, and you'll soon be able to stand a chance against me."

"You? But you're just a girl! Ow!" Daniel was on the receiving end of a right hook to his upper arm. "Mm, maybe a few more lessons, huh?"

"Any time you're ready, and if you ask Steve, I'm sure he'll drop you here when he can, and we're right on the bus route."

With a smile he stood up and then he placed a hand on Maddie's shoulder. He looked at her and realised just how pretty she was with her long blonde hair, and beautiful eyes. "Thanks."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time the box had been removed and the Chief had finished his interview with LeRoy Raab it was just after five, and Rae wanted to get home. For the first time she wanted to get the taste and smell of her place of work out of her hair and clothes, she needed to shower, play with her children and try and put the horrors back in the section of her brain that she had carefully created for them. Rae knew that if she couldn't do so it would destroy her.

Just as she was about to ask Alex if he could run her home her cell phone began to vibrate in her pocket and she pulled it out. She recognised the number as belonging to Steve and Jo and hoping that more bad news wasn't going to be the result she pushed the button. "Hello … Michael, no I'm just leaving now … oh, right … no I don't think I would mention that if I were you … yeah, we can suppress that, it's not a problem, is Steve there…? No, well, like I said, I'm just leaving so I guess we'll be home about the same time… I'll let Detective Banks know, and you can get hold of Ron, yes?" Rae listened for a moment longer and then another thought struck here. "Michael, can you get hold of Mark? … and I think if we meet at my house then I can put the girls to bed and then come back and join in again…Ok, I'll see you then." Rae folded down her phone and put it back in her pocket. "Another letter has been delivered, to Steve's house." Rae didn't say that it had been addressed to Daniel, she had a feeling that the fewer people who knew that the better.

Steve, Daniel and Agent Whitlow, who had done as he was asked and not made himself at all conspicuous while they were at the gym, had driven home in silence for a little while and then Daniel had begun to speak.

"Can I call Mr Sholte?"

"Yeah, why? Oh." Steve realised what he meant and wondered why he hadn't thought of it himself.

"Maddie said that I should talk to a lawyer, and I was thinking, lots of foster parents are single, or divorced or whatever, you don't have to be married to do this, so why should it make any difference that Mom is … gone? I think it's just an excuse."

"But, why would they want to take you away, you're happy aren't you?" Steve kept his eyes on the road, but his whole being waited for the answer to his question.

"No, I hate it! … Of course I'm happy with you, I don't want to live any place else."

Steve smiled to himself, the resilience of his son was a source of pride for him.

"You know you have a lot of rights as a foster child don't you? There are organisations you can contact, web sites to visit. If you want to stay then you can fight." Agent Whitlow turned slightly in his seat, he was aware of everything that was happening in the Sloan household, and although it wasn't his place to say anything, he had been horrified at the way the two social workers had barged in that morning.

"I hadn't thought of the internet, how stupid! Dad, could you call Mr. Sholte, now? I want to have spoken to him before those two jerks come back tomorrow."

Steve pulled his phone out of his pocket and looked away from the road for an instant. "Dammit." He checked his mirror and then drew into the side of the highway.

"Lieutenant?" Agent Whitlow looked over at the man in the driver's seat. "Is there a problem?"

"I have two missed calls; can you drive the rest of the way?" Steve was relieved to see the man nod his head and then he got out of his door and the two men swapped places.

Steve checked through the information on his phone and then called home first. He listened intently to what Michael was saying; saying very little himself in return, and then he closed his phone. "It seems that life carried on without us. There has been a letter delivered to the house, and a parcel and note to the station. Michael says that everybody is coming over to Oak Place and we can talk about it there."

"Oak Place?" Daniel looked confused.

"It's the proper name for Rae and Jesse's house, only Michael and your mom call it that though."

"Please, call Mr. Sholte, before he goes home, please." Daniel felt the tears begin to well up again, and got angry with himself, he was turning in to cry baby, Maddie was right; he needed to go to the gym more often.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

By the time Rae, Alex and Amanda had arrived at Oak Place, Sally had been called and she had, much to Rae's embarrassment made hot coffee, and shot round to the local store with the girls to get some cake and cookies. Rae moved her to one side and smiled at her. "Sally, thank you so much, I never gave a thought to the fact that if everybody came here we would have to feed them."

"Rae, I'm surprised that you can fit two thoughts together right now, so don't worry, and Eliana just loved being pushed round the store at high speed, I think we might have to do all our shopping that way in the future." As Sally finished speaking the little girl came out of the nursery, and seeing lots of people all at once ran to her mother and buried her face in her jeans.

Rae lifted Eliana up and into a hug, kissed her gently, and then began to speak. "Hey, Sweetie, it's all right, see you know everybody. There's Uncle Alex, Aunty Manda and Uncle Ron, and Uncle Steve and Daniel will be here soon, ok?" Once again Rae was grateful for the presence of her extended family, and the little girl nodded her head, but made no attempt to get down from the safety of her momma's arms.

The doorbell rang and Agent Perry moved over and opened it. Outside on the step was Mark, and Steve and Daniel were walking up behind him with Michael and Agent Whitlow bringing up the rear. 

Steve paused a moment in the front of the hallway and grasped his father's hand. The rest of the crowd of friends made their way into breakfast room to give the two men a chance to speak with each other. 

"Dad, I'm just so glad you're here." Steve pulled his father to him, and for a moment just took strength and comfort from his presence. "They … they want to take Daniel away from me."

"What? Steve, they can't. You went through the whole initiation process, had the medicals, dental treatment, everything, why would they want to do that when you are suffering so much already?"

"It's because I'm suffering that they want to do it. They said that because Jo isn't here, and is being held by … by this lunatic that they think it would be in Daniel's best interest if he were moved somewhere else."

"Ok, Steve, have you gotten hold of Gilbert?" He saw Steve nod and then he carried on. "Listen to what he has to say, but whatever happens we will fight this. I know it's hard but there are plenty of cops looking for Jo and Jesse, but only you to fight his corner, he has to come first, at least for a little while." Mark held the arms of his son, in each hand and looked into his eyes, all the hurt and despair he saw there almost broke his heart, but he knew that he had to be strong for him, and be the one fighting Steve's corner.

"Yeah, and Gilbert is coming here, I knew Rae wouldn't mind, and at least Daniel can see that we're doing something for him." As Steve finished talking he began to walk through to the breakfast room and then he looked round at the friendly faces in the room. All of them were committed to finding Jo and Jesse, and he knew that if he confided in them they would be equally committed to helping him keep Daniel too.

By the time everybody had a cup of coffee and some cake the room had taken on a business like air and as Steve sat down in the last vacant seat they all waited for someone to speak. 

Rae looked round and, realising that no one really knew why they were there, cleared her throat and started to talk. "Cheryl and Martin have been given this case by the Chief, and Ron is in charge of the FBI end of things as you know. So I guess we should listen to them, and to Amanda who has some more forensic evidence. Then we just need to work out how we are going to get them home." Rae stopped speaking and seemed to shrink back into her chair. Sally had taken the girls into the nursery and for a moment she wished that she was in there with them.

Cheryl stood up and looked round at the familiar faces before her. "We had another package delivered to the station this afternoon, and it had a note with it. I have copied the note and you can look at it in a minute. We also had a letter sent to Steve's house, none of you have seen this, so I will read it out and then we can talk about the other things received today." Cheryl picked up the evidence bag that was on the table in front of her, and quietly began to read.

"_Well, young man, what a family you have moved into,_

_Life is never dull with the Sloans is it? Do you like it? Or would you like to be placed somewhere else? Who knows maybe you will get the chance."_

Cheryl stopped talking as Steve, Rae and Daniel reacted to the words they had heard so far. "Can I continue, or do you need to talk about that?"

"No, no, carry on." Steve knew that until he had spoken to Gilbert it was best to keep things to themselves.

"_Stevie, did you think I would be gentle with her because she is your wife and not mine? Don't make me laugh, this way is painless, well, for me at any rate, and I haven't forgotten that wimpy doctor, his turn will come, and sooner than you all think."_

_Have a nice day,_

_S. Todd_

"What was in the parcel?" Steve could see the extra strain in Rae's eyes, and although he hadn't been told anything, from the letter he was sure that it had been part of Jesse that had been sent. _Part of Jesse_, for a moment his control wavered, he couldn't believe that he had to think in this way about his wife and his best friend. The anger he felt about the letter wasn't easy to distance himself from but with an effort Steve put away the knowledge that he now knew why he stood to lose his son, and tried to listen to the conversation going on around him.

Cheryl looked over to Amanda and was grateful when she nodded and took over the narrative. "There was skin in the box, three pieces, and not just single layers, but the amount that would be lost in, say, a third degree burn. The actual measurement of all the skin was five inches long by two wide, although it had already started to shrivel up."

Nobody said a word, but all of them knew that Jesse had suffered as much, if not more, pain as Jo when she had her finger amputated.

"Amanda?" Rae's voice came out very quietly, but instantly every eye was on her.

"Yes, Rae?"

"If we … **_when_** we find them, what will happen about Jesse's arm?" Rae had corrected herself, but she was feeling so helpless that she could no longer put her hand on her heart and say that she thought she would get her husband back.

As Amanda began to answer her the doorbell rang once again and then they all heard the instantly recognisable voice of Gilbert Sholte, Steve stood up, offered his apologies and left the room.

"Rae, there are treatments that can be used to graft skin over the area where this was taken from. I can go into details with you, or Alex can, when we carry the procedure out, but Jesse will get the best care available, I can promise you that."

"Thank you."

"Ok, I haven't really done a thorough check on the skin yet, but I did notice that there is a similar type of dust and debris on it that we found on the foot of Crosier. That was identified as a type of cement, and I am pretty sure that this will be the same, I should know first thing in the morning. As I have something to compare it to it shouldn't take me long to do."

"The letter says that his garage is full…" It was Alex who spoke. The letter was being handed round the table, and had just been passed from him to Mark. "So it could just be from a bag of the stuff couldn't it? It doesn't mean that there is building work going on."

"No, it doesn't, in fact I'm inclined to agree with you. This type of stuff has to be mixed with sand and so far I have had no sand granules at all turn up. If this had been mixed up ready to use then there would be a little sand as well."

"It still doesn't get us very far does it?" Mark put the letter down, the thought of his daughter-in-law and one of his closest friends suffering in this way was almost too much for him to bear, and he was beginning to wish that he didn't have access to all the information before him.

"Excuse me, Daniel, could you come out here a minute please?" Steve had put his head round the door and the young man stood and, in the same way as his father had done, made his apologies and left.

"Cheryl, do you have any more information that you haven't given us yet?" 

Cheryl shook her head. "No, Doctor Sloan, I don't, but I can run through everything again if it would help." She looked round and seeing nodding heads cleared her throat and began to speak. "Actually, Agent Wagner, could you give us the details of the profile that you, Steve and Rae worked out?"

Ron nodded his head, flicked through his notes until he got to the page he needed and began to speak. "The only information we have got is from the letters sent to Steve. Each one give us more details, so this profile will change and grow until we get him, but so far I would describe him thus. He's confident, works with someone else, gives no clues as to who he is, where he is, or even what he plans to do next, although there are a few little hints to the latter. The letter that Cheryl just read told us that the first female victim was his wife. The one that came with the skin that he is using a garage. Like I said each letter gives us a bit more."

"He is using Jo because, for some reason, he can't do these things to his own partner, sorry wife, but before he took her and Jesse it wasn't as clear was it?" Martin was scanning through his own hastily written notes as he spoke. 

"No, and we still have no idea who the first female was do we? How could somebody just disappear like that? Have you checked the whereabouts of all the wives of the vice cops?" 

"Alex, it's relatively simple to disappear, and I have to say that even if we did have her prints it might be that they would be of no assistance to us. If she has never been printed there will be no record of her on our files, or the LAPD's and the prints would be worthless. And no we haven't, not as deliberately as I think you're suggesting. It is word of mouth that people are married, or seeing someone, unless outside celebrations or whatever, are organised. A lot of cops don't mix outside the station, and I know that we …" Cheryl looked over at Martin for a moment. "We haven't mixed with the vice guys since you joined them have we?"

"Nope, no one has ever suggested it, and to be honest I wouldn't want to anyway. I bring too much of my job home as it is. " Martin shook his head as he spoke.

"Yeah, I guess so, and there was nothing in the bloods or anything that gave any clues either was there?" Alex understood what they were saying, he knew Steve and Rae, and by association Cheryl and Martin but he didn't hear of them relaxing with other officers.

"Nope, our Jane Doe was just that." Amanda cut in, knowing that she had more information on the first female.

"Pardon?" Alex looked very confused.

"If you're a Jane Doe you're a nobody, nothing to identify you, to give you a name, you know that, yeah?" Amanda waited while Alex nodded. "Well, the partner of this guy is O negative, no hereditary diseases nothing to make her stand out in a crowd, and until we find the rest of her, or work out who the murderer is, we may never know who she is, or was." Amanda finished talking and realised that they had another reason to solve this case, the woman, whoever she was shouldn't be able to be discarded the way that she had been without at least one person caring about her.

The rest of the evening was spent going over and over the information that was set out before them, but by half past ten they all knew that they were just paper shuffling. Dane had arrived back at the house just after eight, and had been horrified by the evidence that had been received that day, but he hadn't been able to offer any new insights into a case that seemed almost impossible to crack.

By ten thirty everybody apart from Alex, Sally and Dane had left and Rae collapsed into a chair in the living room, the tears behind her eyes threatening her more and more with each minute that passed. Sally had kissed her gently on the cheek and excused herself. She would be the one to get up in the night if the girls cried, and so she wanted to get to bed as early as she could.

"Rae, Honey, can I give you anything to help you sleep?" Alex crouched down in front of his patient and looked into her eyes.

"No, Alex, I don't want to take anything, what if the girls need me, or … or the phone rings or something."

"You need to sleep, every night, I know you were asleep last night because I was with you, but I can't do that all the time."

Rae smiled up at him and then she kissed him on the cheek, "I know, and I really appreciated it."

"Good grief, woman, your husband, my son is being held by God knows who, and all I see is you flaunting and flirting with every man you come into contact with. You obviously don't miss or care for him at all!" Dane's outburst shocked the two other people in the room, but Rae's shock was merged with blazing anger and, suddenly given the chance to let some of her feelings out, she turned on the man who was a stranger to her.

"How dare you? You have no idea what you are saying, you come waltzing in here, you have never met either me or my children before, you don't ever write to Jesse, call him, or remember anything about him, how dare you say that I don't care. And just who am I supposed to have flirted with…?" Rae saw Dane's eyes look to her young friend and in astonishment she carried on speaking. "Alex, you think I'm flirting with Alex?" Rae moved a little closer to her father-in-law, and when she spoke again her voice was icy cold. "You know nothing about me **_or_** your son … or his friends, because if you did you would realise just how insane that accusation is." Rae turned her head slightly, " Alex, I'm sorry; I don't know what else to say, but … well, I'm sorry."

"Rae, it's ok, everybody is under strain right now, but I think that maybe I had better go."

"No, not yet, please, just wait a little longer." Rae turned back to her father-in-law. "I realise that you are probably worried about Jesse, but I won't be spoken to like that in my own house, and if you can't behave decently then I will have to ask you to leave." Rae stood up and moved across to the door, she looked over at Dane and then at Alex before she walked away from them.

Alex shook his head, he didn't quite know what to do first, but in the end he decided to speak with Jesse's dad. "Mr Travis?"

"Yes?" 

"I'm sorry if I offended you, but you're wrong, Rae wasn't flirting with me, she loves your son, very much, but we have known each other for a long while, been through some very difficult times together and she is very special to me. Maybe we have more of a friend/friend relationship than a doctor/patient one, but we are both things."

"Mmm, well, I think I will say goodnight, Doctor." Dane Travis got up and headed for the stairs, he paused as he got to the top and heard the sound of a shower running, and then with a shrug of his shoulders he carried on down to the bedroom at the end of the hallway.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had sat with Jesse in her arms for most of the day. Bread, cheese and water was delivered just as it had been the day before, but no words were spoken, neither of their captors came anywhere near them, and somehow Jo was more frightened because of it. The brightness coming in through the window changed gradually to the dusk and then the darkness of night and in the chillness she breathed a sigh of relief. There was electric light in the garage but to turn in on during the night would make them conspicuous, and so she hoped that until the sun rose again the following morning she was safe.


	44. Enlightenment

**Enlightenment**

The night was still black when the garage was suddenly lit up from beyond and Jo was startled into consciousness. The safety the velvet blanket of darkness had given her was ripped away and she was unable to contain the scream that escaped her.

"Oh, be quiet, I'll get to you in a moment." The man before her no longer had a mask or hat on and Jo could see that not only was he huge and powerful, but he was as black as the night he had just split asunder.

Jesse moved in Jo's arms and, as she looked down, she was horrified to see that he was sweating profusely his hair plastered to his head, and she could see a reddish gold discharge seeping through the dressing she had wrapped around his lower arm. Her finger was still painful but not throbbing, and she knew that she hadn't been able to return the favour with Jesse, and he had an infection.  Gently she touched his hand moving back quickly as he groaned, but it had been enough to know that it was hot and far firmer than it should be.

Don Werner looked at the two captives in his cage and grinned to himself. That cocksure, know-it-all Lieutenant and his British side-kick_, British and working in the homicide department of an American police station_, even thinking about it made him furious. Well, the two of them would be suffering now, would know just who had the upper hand. With a final glance at his prisoners he opened the trunk of his car and began to take out the things he had collected from one of the other garages he owned. As he did so he heard the doctor groan and call out and he guessed that the night wasn't being kind to him.

"Rae … help me …" Jesse didn't really know where he was, but he knew that it hurt, and Rae wasn't there. He needed to call to her, to make her come. Maybe she was with their girls, she could bring them, but he couldn't say all that. "Eliana…"

Jo wiped the tears from her eyes as she watched her friend suffering. He was becoming restless, and she could tell that moving was causing him pain. "Shhh, they'll come real soon, you just rest some an' before you know it they'll be here." Jo kept her voice to a whisper not wanting her captor to hear her and come over.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had stood in the shower until she didn't have the strength left to stand any longer, and then she had wrapped herself in a long, soft terry towelling robe and lain down on her bed. For a while she had slept fitfully, waking up every twenty minutes or so with images of her husband running through her mind. It was just after three in the morning when she tried to make herself more comfortable and heard Eliana call out from her room. Knowing that it could take a while to get her back to sleep Rae pulled on a pair of pyjamas and then headed towards the nursery, seeing Sally come out of her room she paused and quietly sent her back, she hoped, to sleep.

Eliana was sitting up in bed, her curls in unruly clumps all over her head, and she had one hand in a tight fist which she was rubbing into her eyes. As the small shaft of light from the nightlight picked out the shadow of her mother the little girl began to gulp and tried to speak. "No… Mommy, want… Da ddy."

Rae felt the tears rush to her eyes, up until this minute her daughter hadn't noticed her father was missing, and she had hoped that it would continue. Rae leant over the safety guard and picked Eliana up. "Shhh, Sweetie, it's all right."

"No, want  Da ddy." Eliana started to struggle and Rae began to rock her in her arms.

"Daddy isn't here, Baby, he's at work." Rae hated lying, but her daughter wasn't yet three, and she knew that no harm would be done by it. "Shhh, go to sleep my little one." Rae gently moved her daughter until her head was lying on her shoulder and then she began to hum softly to her. Gradually she could feel Eliana dropping off to sleep and, after ten minutes, she was able to lower her back onto her bed, cover her up with the blanket and carefully tiptoe from the room.

Rae checked her watch, it was twenty past three in the morning and she knew that if she went back to bed now all she would do was turn over and over the terrible things that had happened so far, and imagine what might take place next. Instead she went to her closet and got a sweat suit that she had bought for when she went to the gym off a hanger, pulled it on over her nightclothes and then went quietly down the stairs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo hadn't wanted to watch what the big man in front of her was doing, but she didn't have much choice. He was working directly in her eye line in the glare of his headlights, and his partner in crime had come up behind her and fastened the chain which was attached to her neck collar to the bars of the cage so that she couldn't turn away. For a moment Jo had closed her eyes and begun to understand the terror that Rae felt whenever anything was placed round her neck. She didn't think that she could be strangled with what she was wearing, not in the same way that Rae had been, but she knew that if she moved then her airways would be compromised. _Which is the same thing_. Jo tried to shake her head, realising that she was already suffering from oxygen deprivation.

The beam of a torch assaulted her eyes. "Lee, she's going a funny colour, I don't want her dead yet, man, loosen the chain." The voice of her enemy floated into her head, and then she felt the pressure on her neck fade away. For a moment she gasped for air, although she hadn't realised just how much she needed it. 

"Thank you, thank you." 

"Shut up, did I say you could speak?" The chain was pulled and Jo felt her head bash back into the bars and then her hair was tugged backwards too and some of it was ripped from her head.

"Arghhh." Jo couldn't help herself, but all that resulted from her cry was the feeling of more hair being yanked out. This time she bit into her lip until she tasted her own blood, but she didn't call out.

"Now, little miss rich girl, I want you to look and see what I'm doing. I don't think that your hot shot husband or his annoying little friend will ever find you, but I want them to, and when they do, well, this is called a trip wire, and it is joined to this." Don Werner lit a kerosene lamp and pointed to a red box. "This is my control panel, if that wire is pulled, or, this button pressed." He held up a smaller red box, which Jo knew was obviously a hand held device of some kind. "Then, kaboom, the whole garage will be a pile of rubble, and guess what? So will you … But do we care about that? Do you think we will dare do it? Of course we don't care, but of course we will blow you sky high. All I have to do is this." The smaller of the two red boxes was now in front of her face, and as she sat there unable to speak or move Jo saw a finger rest over the button and then press it.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had tidied up the playroom, put all the correct jigsaw pieces into the right boxes, the books in height and then alphabetical order on the shelves. She had dressed the two dolls, made sure that all the pieces for the shape sorters were in their right places and then she had sat down at the table and looked about her. However hard she tried there was nothing more to do in this room, and so with a sigh she moved on into the breakfast room.

The room was clean, there wasn't anything that needed to be tidied up, so she went through the newspapers and magazines and threw away all the ones that were more than a couple of days old. Then she went into the kitchen, unloaded the dishwasher and took the breakfast things into the room she had just left and began to put them in the sideboard.

As she did so, Rae caught sight of the album her mother had sent her and with a deep heartfelt sigh she pulled it out and put it on the table.

Dane had heard his granddaughter begin to cry and, looking at the clock by his bedside, realised that, much to his surprise, he had actually fallen asleep. He sat up in bed and, being just down from the nursery, was able to hear his daughter-in-law as she moved down the hallway and in to see to her little girl, he heard her speak with Sally and then there was silence apart from the sobs of the child, but gradually they too died away. 

Dane shook his head, he had been trained to remain calm under pressure, and apart from a very few times in his life he had done just that, and he had certainly never lost his temper in a civilian situation before, well, not since Jesse was a little boy and in need of a severe telling off.

Jesse, Dane shut his eyes and the happy smiling face of his son appeared in his mind. He loved the boy with all his heart, but he didn't think he had ever told him. The thought of meeting the woman who had married him hadn't been one he had been looking forward too wholeheartedly, somehow he felt he still had a childhood to live with his son, but he certainly hadn't meant to alienate himself in the way that had happened during the past few hours.

He leant over and pulled a black briefcase up onto the bed. Inside it was a laptop computer, three cell phones and a photo of Jesse and Rae on their wedding day. He didn't even think that the happy couple knew he had it. Dane had been in contact with his ex-wife because he had seen the article about his son's death on the news service he subscribed to. The relief he had felt when he understood why the article had appeared had been enormous, but he had begged his wife not to mention to Jesse anything about him getting in touch. She hadn't understood, but she'd agreed, he had given her a secure e-mail address and later she had sent him a wedding photo. His paranoia had gotten the better of him though, and he had shut it down as soon as he got the picture, and his one line of contact had been severed.

As he sat there looking at the picture in his hand, Dane heard Rae moving around downstairs, and, realising that it may be a good opportunity to go and try to start again with her, he got out of bed, pulled on his robe and headed for the stairs.

The FBI agent, whose name was Aiden Williamson, watched as a second person came down the stairs. It was his busiest night so far, and still nobody had spoken to him.

There was a light shining out from under the door that Dane thought led to the breakfast room, and so with a light tap on it he went inside.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had held her breath, although she wasn't sure what good it would do her, but nothing happened, and then a sadistically cruel laugh assaulted her ears. "It's not connected yet, did you think I was going to blow you to kingdom come? Oh, no, my dear, your husband and your best friend will have the pleasure of knowing for the rest of their lives that they killed the two most important people to them, and in such a painful way, blown into even more bits than I can manage… Now, take off your shirt."

"What?" Jo looked around her, she was scared, disoriented, and she had Jesse in her arms, so instead of doing as she was told she just sat there.

"I told you to take off your shirt!" Don Werner came up to the door to the cage, unlocked it and advanced towards her, a scalpel in his hand. He pulled her up by the hair, causing her more pain, and, because she was unable to keep a hold on him, Jesse fell to the floor, letting out a groan as he did so. The blade flashed in the beam of the kerosene lamp and then she felt the point of it as it cut into her flesh all the way down her front just to the right of the buttons. The blood flowed into the white material mingling with the dried stains from when she had lost her finger, and then it was ripped off her, leaving her standing there in just her jeans and ruined bra.

"Well, aren't you pretty for a white girl?" Jo shuddered as he ran one of his large fingers around the cups of her bra dislodging it further, and down across her body, avoiding the line the knife had made which was still bleeding freely. Then he leant in, kissed her hard on the lips and was gone, extinguishing the light and locking the gate behind him, leaving her to the darkness and the demons that lived there.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae was sitting, a photograph in her hand, staring out at the lights of the city through the window. 

"Rae, may I come in?" He saw the tiny woman in front of him jump and he moved a little closer. "I'm sorry, my dear, I didn't mean to startle you."

Rae turned to him and he could see the mistrust in her eyes. "Is there something I can do for you, Mr. Travis?"

"I think, if we try to understand each other a little better, there is a lot we can do together." This time he was relieved to see her nod and so once again he moved a little closer. "What are you looking at?"

"Photos my mum sent me. We lost everything we owned in a fire, and so she had this set done for us … Jesse hasn't even seen them yet." Rae closed her eyes for a moment, the release of tears would be welcome, but she couldn't cry; not now; she wasn't alone.

"Rae, I realise that you have known my son for a long while, and in all that time I haven't been home, or even in contact with him, but I do try to keep up with what he is doing. I have a news service that I subscribe to, and it sends anything that has his name in it to an e-mail address. But I had to leave my last location quite quickly, and close everything down for a while in case they were watching me, so I haven't had an awful lot of e-mail for about fourteen months. Before that I was working undercover for just over a year, in one location, which followed straight on from more than two years somewhere else. I try, but in my line of work family and friends are a luxury. I have seen some articles in newspapers, which have kept me in touch too, but, well, as you know newspapers don't always tell the whole story." Dane paused for a moment. "I have always tried not to involve my family in my work, which is why I left Jesse and his mother all those years ago, and I know I have missed a lot of things that have happened, but if it had his name in it I would have gotten it … apart from Anneya, I didn't know about that sweet child."

"Dane, I don't want to judge you, but keeping up with family matters by news service is … well, it's not enough. Jesse loves you, but more than that, he needs you. I don't have a dad anymore, but there are times when I physically ache to have him hold me, or just to be in the same room as me. Jesse does have a dad, and he has those feelings too." Rae lowered her eyes and they caught a glimpse of the picture in her hand. The tears welled up, and it took a supreme effort of will to get them to stay where they were.

"May I see?" Dane's voice was quiet, the words his daughter-in-law had spoken still in his mind, and he knew that what she said was true. He wondered if she realised that he often had much the same feelings, desperately wanting to see or hold his only child. Without a word, Rae handed him the photo. It was of a white house with flowers round the door. He could see a number 37 on the wall. Rae and Jesse were standing with Eliana who was in her daddy's arms, and Dane could see that Rae was heavily pregnant.

"What's that on your arm?"

"Oh, it was a brace that Alex made up for me. I was injured a while back and that arm was paralysed. He made it up for me to make my life a little easier…" Rae paused for a moment. "He's a lovely young man, but he's spoken for … and so am I. Dane, I wasn't aware that my behaviour could be described as flirting, and I do love Alex, but not in the way I love Jesse." For a moment Rae stopped talking and her eyes filled with tears that she couldn't control. "I miss him … and I just want him back." She turned from her father-in-law as a sob escaped her, he placed an arm round her shoulders and she leant into him; but still she refused to let the tears go, even for a minute or two.

Rae had however, let Dane guide her to the sofa in the breakfast room and cover her over with the throw that was across the back of it. "Just for a little while, I have to listen to the tapes … we have to get them back … alive." Rae tried to stifle a yawn but she wasn't successful and Dane smiled as he watched her drift off to sleep. 

By ten that morning, Steve was ready to string up the next person who spoke to him. Daniel and Michael had exchanged glances, and Mark, who had called in to see David and Debbie, was warned that his son was like a ticking bomb.

As Mark moved towards the morning room to speak with Steve, he watched his only remaining child come storming out into the hallway.

"Dad, what are you doing here?" The greeting wasn't friendly, and Mark regarded the man calmly.

"And good morning to you, too."

"I'm sorry, Dad, but that long haired idiot at social services said that he would contact me this morning about Daniel. Doesn't he know just how much pressure each extra minute puts us under?"

Mark put a hand on his son's arm. "Steve, you just have to take each of those minutes and live it the best you can. I can't even begin to understand how you're feeling, but I love you and I will do anything you want me to, you know that don't you?"

Steve placed his hand over his dad's. "Yeah, I do." His voice was rough with the emotions that were permanently close to the surface. "Thanks, Dad." As he finished speaking Daniel came up to the two men.

"Grandpa?" 

Mark was blinded by the tears that flooded his eyes and for a moment he was unable to answer.

Daniel looked at his Dad. "Did I say something wrong?"

"No, Son, no." It was Mark who answered him. "You just caught me off guard a little bit."

"If they want to take me away could I go to your house? Maybe they wouldn't look for me there." 

Mark, with a heavy heart, shook his head. "That isn't the way to handle this. If they say you have to leave, that is what you will need to do. Then we will fight with everything that we have to get you back. If you hide they will say that your dad didn't have control over you, let you run amok, things like that."

"Yeah, I guess so." Daniel looked at the floor, but both men could tell how worried he was.

Steve was just about to join the conversation, when it seemed to the people in the Sloan household that the world went mad. The phone rang and Agent Whitlowe moved over to answer it, as he did so Ron Wagner came in through the door, an expression of grim determination on his face, and Michael came out of the kitchen, an envelope in his hand.

It was Agent Whitlow who spoke first. "Lieutenant, Detective Yeager is on the phone, she needs to speak with you urgently."

Steve's eyes darted from the phone to the doorway where Ron was standing and then to the envelope in Michael's hand, he didn't know where to go first, and so, following the guidance of the FBI agent he took the phone, but instead of listening he spoke. "Rae, I don't know what you're going to say, but something has happened, come here." And then he put the receiver down without giving her a chance to reply.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had vomited after her captor had left her, the feeling of his hand on her body making her shudder and shake each time she thought about it. The whole front of her body now felt as if it was on fire, and each time she moved she reopened the wound and as she had been sick she had felt the warm blood trickle down and soak into the waistband of her jeans.

Jesse had just lain where she had been forced to drop him. He had moved slightly so that he was, presumably, in a more comfortable position, and then for a while he had looked up, although his eyes had seemed unseeing, and Jo had been very concerned for his state of mind.

Despite her situation Jo smiled to herself. She was scared, more scared than she had ever been in her life, and it was a fear that didn't lessen at all, no matter how long she was left alone, but she hadn't, since she had recovered from the initial shock of having her finger removed, felt in any danger of regressing because of the terror she was experiencing. In spite of all that was happening, she was proud of herself.

Jo crouched down so that she could slide her good hand underneath Jesse's head, and he groaned again as she did so. Ignoring the burning pain as much as possible, she gently picked him up and began to think. There was no way that the infection could have taken hold so quickly … unless it had been hastened on in some way. Jo thought for a moment, and then with a heavy heart she opened Jesse's medical bag, carefully with her injured hand, and looked inside it. The bandages that looked similar to the one on her hand were in a box, but the ones that she had used weren't, so she must have done something wrong, he had got an infection and it was partly her fault.

For a while, Jesse leant into Jo and she hoped that somehow he was getting some comfort from her presence, and her warmth, although she had to admit she was feeling pretty cold.  The one blanket wasn't big enough for both of them to use, and as much as she wanted to wrap it completely round her injured friend she just couldn't leave her half naked body on view any longer, so she tried to share any heat and comfort that it gave them as she held Jesse off the concrete floor as best she could.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had dropped the receiver back onto its cradle, turned and, shouting to Dane, had run out of the house, across the grassy part of her front yard, along the sidewalk and in through the gates to Steve and Jo's house. Dane, not sure what was happening, but recognising the urgency in her voice had nodded to Sally who was playing with the girls and then followed her.

Agent Whitlowe opened the door as he saw Rae appear and she only slowed down as she entered the hallway.

"I know who has them, I don't know where, but I know who." Rae's voice was shaking, and so were her hands; her heart was beating so fast that she feared it would run out of control and for a minute she had to shut everything out and try to get a hold of herself again.

"Ok, people, we need to go and sit down, things are moving too fast, and if we aren't careful we are gonna miss something vital." Ron Wagner's voice cut through the silence and all eyes turned to him.

"What if social services calls? And, Rae, you know who has them, who is it? We need Cheryl and Martin here if you know that."

"Steve, social services won't be calling." Ron moved over and began to guide his friend towards the door that he knew would take them into the dining room. As he heard the words though, Steve stopped moving.

"What? Why, has the decision already been made? Daniel?" Steve felt his world falling out from under him. The pressure on his back increased and without really meaning to, he let himself be led until he had a chair behind him and then he sat.

The rest of the chairs round the table began to fill up, by common consent Daniel sat next to Steve and in a couple of minutes they had also been joined by Rae, Mark, David, Debbie, Michael and Ron. Dane had hesitated by the door but had been invited in by Mark and had sat next to the man he felt most comfortable with. As they turned to listen to Ron, Cheryl and Martin were heard being ushered into the house, and they quietly came in and joined the meeting.

"Ron, why won't social services be calling? Are they coming to take my son?" Steve asked desperately. He felt that if something wasn't sorted out soon he would spin round and round and fly apart.

"Steve, Daniel, I'll clear up the problems you have been having with those people first. You don't need to worry about them again. I called Mr. Garrett this morning and explained to him in no uncertain terms how much it would be frowned upon if a young man under the protection of the FBI was removed from his safe house." Ron paused and smiled for a moment, "He saw my point almost immediately and assured me that there would be no attempt made to take him at present, and that once everything was back to normal he could see no reason to pursue the case."

Daniel, despite the seriousness of the situation, and the heaviness of the atmosphere smiled and, under the table, took his dad's hand in his own.

"Ron, thank you." Steve let everything else leave his mind for a moment, and he squeezed the slightly smaller, softer hand that was inside his own before shifting his attention back to the other problems that they had. "Rae, you said that you know who it is, how?"

"I listened to the tapes. Unfortunately, I just had them in a pile and I worked my way through them, I only had one left when I heard what I had been listening for."

"Who is it?" Unconsciously, Steve tightened his hold on his son's hand until he heard him let out a small gasp and then he released him.

"Don Werner." Rae shook her head, she was sure that she had been right when she watched him with the Chief and thought it wasn't him, but she hadn't listened to the whole interview because she had been talking with Cheryl and Martin, and not only that, even when she had listened it had been something that she had needed to listen to twice. "I have the tape." She slid her hand into her sweat suit and suddenly realised that she still had her pyjamas on underneath.

"Ron, you needed to speak with me too, and Michael, can we hear what you have to say and then listen to the tape…? Or maybe we should hear Ron first?" For a moment Steve didn't know which way to turn. "I can't do this any more right now. Cheryl, it's your investigation anyway. Please, just get them back." He stood from his chair and stepped back from the table. "Excuse me."

Steve moved out into the gardens, walked to the edge of the patio, rested his palms on the table and closed his eyes. He let all the thoughts leave his mind for a minute, and then, taking a deep breath he began to focus on the case as it was before Jo and Jesse were taken, finally, when he knew that he would be able to not only control himself but also to function rationally and be a help to all those who were trying to find his wife and his friend he opened his eyes, straightened up and walked back towards the house.

Mark had stood up as his son left the room and moved across towards the window. He had no intention of following Steve outside, but he wanted to be close at hand in case he was required. Mark watched and realised that he needed the time away from everybody else to re-group before what they all hoped would be the final chapter of an extremely distressing period in all their lives. He saw Steve stand up and then turn and, not wanting his son to realise that he had been watched, Mark went and sat back down.

The time that Steve had been outside had given all of them a chance to get their thoughts in order. Everybody seemed to realise that something had changed; it wasn't only Rae's announcement, but the increased tension that seemed to hang over each and every one of them. Cheryl decided to wait for Steve to come back, knowing he would probably be ready to take charge again once he had pulled himself together, and even if he wasn't able to run the case upon his return, she didn't want to leave him out of any decisions at this point.

Steve sat back down and looked straight at Ron, somehow aware that they had all been waiting for him. "I think that we need to hear the information that you have, then Michael and then I'd like to hear the tape. David, Debs, I think that it would be best if you took Daniel into the other room and we'll let you know what we have in a little while."

"Dad, no, please, let me stay." Daniel's look almost broke Steve's heart, but he also saw the way that Ron had reacted to his suggestion and he placed his hand on the boy's shoulder.

"Son, I will tell you everything that you need to know later, but right now you have to leave."

Daniel tried to reason with his father, he yelled at him, he even felt a tear run down his cheek but to no avail, and in the end he turned and without another word left the room.

Ron, deciding that it would be best to ignore what had just transpired, began to speak. "We had another package, Steve, it was hair, long, dark brown hair, pulled out by the roots, just as Jesse's had been, and a white shirt." Ron paused for a moment as the news about the hair sank in. 

"There was a white shirt in the bedroom, I don't think it's there now, I guess she could have worn it, but why do we have it?"

Rae had gasped as the shirt was mentioned, knowing all too well what could have happened to her friend, and as she looked at her partner she saw the exact moment when he realised as well.

"No, oh, God, no, Ron…"

"Steve, it's been sliced through with a knife, and there's blood on it … a lot of blood." 

For a moment Steve couldn't speak but then in a voice devoid of all emotion he asked just one question. "Do you have a picture?"

Cheryl stood up and moved closer to her old partner and placed a Polaroid shot into his hand. The white shirt was lying on a desk and the bloodstains on it were all down the front on both sides of the cut as well as on the sleeves, especially the left one. "Amanda has it right now, and she is gonna call with the results. Steve, it may not all be Jo's blood."

"It could be Jesse's too, couldn't it?" Rae's voice was the opposite of Steve's. Everybody could hear the pent up feelings, but they all knew that she wouldn't show them any more than she was already.

"Michael, I believe you have an envelope similar to the one you received previously." Ron turned to the English butler who was sitting at the end of the table. He had sat without a word along with everybody else, but he somehow managed to make it look as if he wasn't part of the main group, an outsider, someone who was there but knew his place was elsewhere.

"Yes, Agent Wagner, it was delivered with the groceries that arrived this morning. The delivery man told one of your men that he was approached as he left the store and asked to bring this with him."

Ron pulled on a pair of latex gloves and then with a small smile took the evidence bag provided by Martin. Mark rose to his feet once again and quietly moved round and sat in the vacant chair next to his son. Steve gave him a grateful look.

_Stevie,_

_This is just for you as the doctor has spent the last day in either a permanent stupor or coma, I'm not sure which. Your wife is lovely, a tramp I'm sure, but lovely all the same. Have I sampled her? Should I tell you? No, I like to think of you suffering._

_The shirt was such fun to remove, and the little scalpel I bought was so sharp that I hardly had to press at all, what a shame I didn't realise until it was too late._

_I wonder, do you know who I am yet? Should I give you a clue? Oh, all right, there are two of us, just like there are two of you, and two prisoners. The answer lies with Crosier, but then it always did._

_Take care,_

_S. Todd._

For a few minutes the room was silent. Steve was trying to take the words in; knowing that there were far more clues in that letter than in any of the rest. Rae could hear over and over again, _stupor or coma, stupor or coma_, and she had to shut her mind off to the reasons for it. She suddenly felt Levington's hands as they roamed over her body and she jerked her chair back. Dane moved quietly behind her and placed a hand on her shoulder but moved it quickly as he felt her reaction.

"Maybe a little air would be a good idea."

Rae nodded her head and moved, with her father-in-law, out into the gardens so recently vacated by her partner.

"Rae?"

"I'm fine, Dane, but Jesse's not, and I can't get to him to help him, or Texas. I was held by someone who … who." Rae couldn't continue. She didn't know this man well enough to tell him how she had been beaten and raped, and so she turned and without another word they returned to the house.

The room was still silent and as Rae sat down she saw Cheryl put a tape recorder on the table, pick up the cassette that she had left there a few moments earlier, and then the quiet was broken by the voice of the Chief as he interviewed the man they suspected of taking their loved ones.

_"Detective Werner, this interview is part of the efficiency study that I plan to undertake for each department of the LAPD. You were told of the information that I required from you, I trust that you brought it all with you."_

The Chief's voice was a little muffled, and, as the officer replied, his too was a little difficult to hear.

_"Some of it, Sir, my shift patterns are noted on the calendar at home on the wall, I didn't bring that, but I have my note books, at least the last few."_

_"Detective, there is no excuse for not bringing everything that I requested; your fellow officers haven't had any trouble providing me with all I asked for."_

_"Yes, Sir, I'm sorry, Sir. Is it a problem? Do…  c…"_

The tape became muffled and then Don Werner's voice came back again.

"_Sorry, Sir, I dropped my pen."_

_"That's not a problem, Detective."_

"There, that's it, but you have to really listen. Cheryl, can you wind it back and turn the volume up?" Rae's eyes were flashing with emotion, but no one else was aware of what she had heard.

The cassette screeched and squealed as it was re-wound and then the voice began again.

_"Yes, Sir, I'm sorry, Sir. Is it a problem…?  Do I care?"_

The room was silent for a moment and then Steve began to speak. "The double question, he must have thought that he was safe because he had bent down to pick up his pen."

"We need all his personal information. Cheryl, did you bring it with you?" Ron looked over to the two detectives who were sitting at the end of the table.

"Yes, and we drove past his house on the way here, it's a small condo, no garage or outbuildings, just a small front yard, and an even smaller back one."

"Then he must have other places that he owns or rents." Steve's voice was a little shaky, but he was sure of what he was saying.

"But we only have his word for it that they're in a garage, they could be anywhere, anywhere at all." Rae's voice wasn't shaking but she wasn't nearly as sure of herself as her partner.

"No, Rae, I know he has had us on a string ever since this began but he has never said anything in his letters that hasn't been true. I think that if he says that they are in a garage then that is where we will find them." Steve's voice cut into her train of thought and she knew he was right.

"Yeah, I guess so." Rae nodded her head and was silent.

"Ok, we need to find out everything that we can on Don Werner, bank accounts, credit history, whether he is married, has children, business interests, friends, other family, and I want this now, people, right now." Ron took charge of the meeting, and watched with satisfaction as both Cheryl and Martin were on their cell phones immediately and his two agents went directly to their laptops and began tapping information into them too. "I also want all the information that Rae and Steve got on Crosier. Martin, get on to the squad room get someone to bring it all over."

Steve had excused himself and moved into the morning room where he imagined that David, Debbie and Daniel would be. His brother-in-law and his girlfriend were in there but his son was nowhere to be seen. "David, where's Daniel?"

"He went up to his room, he doesn't know us, Steve, an' I guess that right now he needs familiar faces around him, or none at all."

"Yeah, I guess that's true. Poor guy, he was just beginning to really feel that he had a home here, and now it's all falling around him. I … I don't know what we'll do if she doesn't come home." For a second Steve closed his eyes and he felt a hand on his arm.

"Honey, you an' Jo have done wonders with that boy. From what I understand he was involved in an armed robbery an' things like that, an' now he wants to live with a cop, you have set him up for life already." Debbie still had her hand on his arm, and although Steve wasn't really sure if he agreed with everything she said, he knew that she was trying to be kind.

"Thank you, if you will excuse me I will go and see Daniel for a little while." Steve saw both David and Debbie nod their heads and so he turned and left the room, wondering how he would explain to his son that although they knew now who had his mother they still had a way to go before they found her.

As Cheryl and Martin worked on getting search warrants, and information on the bank accounts of their colleague, Rae had got to her feet and moved over to where Ron was sitting. "I need to get back to my girls, but you'll let me know what you find won't you?"

"Rae, I promise you, you will be the first to know, but you go, it's not as if you are very far away now is it?" Ron rested his hand on hers and to his surprise, just for a moment she hugged him before turning and leaving the house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had watched the sun come up with a feeling of dread that would not leave her heart. There was definitely something wrong with Jesse, more than just the injury to his arm, or even a simple infection. He was burning up, and then freezing cold, and Jo knew that wasn't good. His arm and now his hand were very swollen and still oozing, and as she sat with him in her arms she felt him move and then begin to heave.

"Honey, hold on an' I'll move you so you can be sick into somethin'." Jo could see the tray that the last meal had been brought in on was still in the cage, and so she pulled it towards them. Jesse was unable to do as she asked but thankfully she moved it into position just in time for him to deposit the contents of his stomach, which wasn't much, onto it. 

Jo picked up the last bottle of water that they had left, and carefully poured a little of it onto Jesse's t-shirt, trying not to get it on a too heavily bloodstained part. She then lifted it up and gently tried to cool his fevered brow. 

"Hey, you!" Suddenly the silence was shattered by the voice of their second captor. Jo still had no idea who it was, he was wearing the balaclava mask and gloves that he'd had on since they had been taken from the car.  "I said, hey, you!" Jo felt herself being jerked back, just as she had been the day before, and she waited for the feeling of her hair being pulled from her head once again. But this time she felt a brush going through it and a deep almost hysterical laugh, and her fear increased.

"Let go of him." He pulled at the chain once again and then Jo had to release her hold on Jesse as her arms were also pulled backwards and she felt the chain being secured so that she was attached tightly against the bars in her cage.

The man grabbed Jesse by his swollen and tender hand and Jo cringed as she heard him cry out in agony. She could do nothing but watch in horror as her friend was dragged out of the cage and back into the one on the other side of the garage, where he was attached to the bars in the same position as she was, Jesse turned his head as much as his collar would allow and the look of anguish in his eyes almost broke Jo's heart.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had sat with Daniel for just over an hour before he made his way back down the stairs and into the dining room. He had listened to the activity going on all around him and then looked over at Ron. "Where's Rae?"

"She went back to see her girls. I called just now, but Agent Perry said that she wasn't in the house. She went into the garden as soon as she arrived back there and hasn't returned yet. I was going to go see her, but I haven't had time."

"I'll go, she seemed kinda quiet when we were working out what information we needed, she is normally right at the front of any enquiry we work on." Steve hadn't realised until he began to speak that Rae had indeed been a little withdrawn, more so than even these terrible events would warrant.

Steve went out of the house and walked thoughtfully round to Oak Place. He was aware of the presence of his FBI Agent right behind him, but he couldn't think of anything to say to him and so he made his journey in silence.

Agent Perry saw Steve come into view and opened the front door, he didn't say anything as he walked by him and into the breakfast room, but the young man didn't seem at all perturbed by that.

Steve opened the patio doors and walked out into the garden. He hadn't seen very much of it before but he knew that Rae and Jesse planned to have an area fenced off with some swings and slides for Eliana and Anneya, as well as flower beds and a barbeque pit. Jesse had said that there was no way that the owner of one of the best barbeque joints in Los Angeles could live in a house with no pit. 

Steve walked across the grass looking around as he did so. There were large empty flowerbeds with grass paths between them, and as he followed a softly curving trail he saw Rae sitting on a dark wooden seat looking over the city beyond her garden.

"Rae, Honey, what is it?"

"Three times, Steve, three times I've been wrong, and each time someone has died. I can't do this any more; I can't be a cop any more."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The passage of time had begun to have little or no meaning. Jo realised that it wouldn't be long however before she lost consciousness. Her breathing was getting harder and harder, and she knew that soon she wouldn't be able to take in enough oxygen to keep her senses working. As she half crouched half stood in the agonising position she had been left in she heard a sound behind her, and, because she was able to see Jesse from where she was, saw him vomit once again and then his whole body began to shake. Jo watched in horror as Jesse's body was gripped by a seizure and then as the shaking began to subside his head lolled to one side, and she knew that he was no longer aware of her or his surroundings.


	45. Closing In

**Closing In?**

"Rae, what do you mean, three times you've been wrong?" Steve sat beside his partner and he could see the anguish in her eyes.

"I told you that it was a date gone bad, but I didn't think that she would target the station and seven people died. Then I went with Cheryl to see Joseph Logan and she killed him too."

Steve didn't need to ask who 'she' was, it had been a long time but Sandra Breth was one name that would never be forgotten, not in their precinct. Rae was silent and Steve realised that she didn't have anything more to say. "Rae, that is only two things … not that I agree with you, but what else?"

"There were the school girls, I tried, Steve, I really tried to talk to them, to get her to put the gun down but … but she shot her friend and herself. That's three errors of judgement and ten people have died, ten. I didn't think that Don Werner was guilty, I listened to some of his interview and I dismissed him, what if I just caused two more deaths?" 

Rae stood up and tried to move away from her partner but he held her firm in his grasp. "Rae, stop it. If you want to wallow then fine, wallow, but do it on your own time, when Jo and Jesse are back.  We have more important things to do than pat you on the head and tell you it's all in your imagination. So just grow up and get back on the case or look after your children and let us do the investigating!" Steve pushed her, none too gently back onto the seat and then without another word, and ignoring the look of shock on her face, he turned and strode out of her garden.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had no idea how long she had been tightly fastened to the bars of her cage, somehow reality had ceased to be of any importance to her. She knew that sometime since the collar had been yanked back one of her captors had moved her again so she was almost, but not quite, hanging by her neck. She was having trouble breathing, her head was pounding and she had found that if she closed her eyes she could imagine herself anywhere in the world. She was just deciding on whether to have iced tea on the veranda of her home in Texas with her daddy or a cold beer with Steve in the mountains of Switzerland when she heard her name being called.

"Jo … Jo, Honey, don't go to sleep." Jesse had slowly recovered from his seizure, and having no idea where he was had tried to move and found to his horror that he was unable to do so. The pressure around his neck was almost unbearable, and as he had tried to shift into a more comfortable position he had seen Jo's head begin to nod and he knew somehow that if she let herself fall asleep she would surely die. "JO!" He shouted out, ignoring the pain that such an action called him and the relief he felt as she began to look at him was enormous.

"Jess? Do you want a beer or are you gonna wait for Rae?" Jo was still on her mountain; somehow she knew that she couldn't take tea with her daddy.

"Jo, you mustn't sleep, we have to stay … we have to … stay awake." Jesse moved his arm and the whole room seemed to turn into a million pain filled points. He understood now that he couldn't look down and so he carefully tried again to move his arm. Somewhere in his memory he remembered being fastened completely to wherever he was, but now it seemed he was just held tightly by the throat and his arms were a little looser again.

This time by supporting it with one hand, which didn't seem to hurt, Jesse was able to see a filthy, wet bandage and he wondered whether it had always been there. "Jo … what … what … happened, why are we like this?"

Jo watched with regret as the mountain scene disappeared in front of her eyes and left her in a dark, dusty and very dangerous place. She heard Jesse's question and was trying to work out what to say in reply when the doors were flung open and bright sunlight caused her to move her head sharply sending arrows of pain through her neck.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had walked through Rae's house and then back the way he had come. The FBI agent whose job it was to follow him wherever he went, outside of his own home, sighed and retraced his steps. He hadn't been on a case before where two victims had lived so close together, and he felt a little superfluous, not to mention tired of pacing back and forth between their homes. 

Cheryl was on the phone when Steve arrived back, and so was Ron. Mark and Martin came over to Steve and spoke to him in hushed tones.

"Steve, where were you? I was getting worried, Son."

"I went next door to get Rae, but she's feeling sorry for herself right now, I guess I blasted her out, but she'll get over it." Steve looked towards Martin, not wanting his dad to get involved in what Rae had said.

"I would be feeling pretty sorry for myself too, I have to say, but unfortunately we don't have time for me to go see her. Son, Amanda is coming over, she has some more information from the shirt, and Martin has something to tell you too."

Steve looked at the young detective next to him and he could see that he was excited. The news obviously wasn't bad. "Yes?"

"I've been on to the station, Lieutenant, in the vague hope that Don was in, but he hasn't turned up yet. His ex-partner though is due to start work in an hour, Alison left a message on his cell, and they are gonna try to get him to come straight here when he gets in. That way we can get some information from him. They worked together for a long time before I came and they swapped to new partners."

"Oh, right, what's his name?"

"Raab, Leroy Raab." Martin watched as Steve smiled.

"I know Lee, I have for years. Dad, do you know what Amanda has?"

"No, he doesn't, but if you go and sit down I'll tell you all at once." Amanda had been let in silently by Agent Whitlow who had worked with Ron Wagner since his arrival in LA and knew better than to keep his fiancée waiting on the doorstep.

Everybody moved back to the room where they had started their morning, and this time it was Amanda who took centre stage.

"Ok, I got the shirt that was sent in to the station. I have tested all the different things on it and come up with some interesting and, I have to say, worrying things." Amanda paused for a moment and opened her notebook. She was pretty sure of her facts but didn't want to leave anything out.

"Steve, I'm sorry, but there is a lot of blood on the shirt, and the majority of it is Jo's."

"You're sure, aren't you?" Steve knew but he had to ask.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I … I have the finger to compare it with." For a moment even Amanda couldn't continue, and as everybody watched the normally completely unflappable pathologist struggle with her emotions they all realised even more just how deadly this now was. "The whole shirt has dust on it, cement dust mainly, but also just dust. Nothing outstanding in it, unfortunately, it is ordinary outside … well, dust, there is no other way to describe it. The right sleeve is more interesting. The blood here isn't all Jo's, and it's easier to distinguish between her blood and Jesse's. And yes, I'm as sure as I can be that it is Jesse's. I have his DNA from the hair and I have sent through the tests to get a positive ID, it's his type and unless someone else was kidnapped, too, then I am going on the assumption that it is Jesse's. But there is more than that; the sleeve has pus as well as blood on it. One of them has an infection, no, not one of them, Jesse, Jesse has a serious infection. Again I have run some tests and my initial diagnosis is toxic strep."

Steve heard his father gasp and he turned to him. "What? Toxic strep, what is that?"

"It's … it's very, very serious, Steve, I'm guessing that it would have happened after he was injured… Do you want the simplified version?" Mark watched as his son just nodded and then continued talking. "It normally starts as Cellulitis, and progresses to toxic strep, but Jesse has three open wounds on his arm and has had no treatment so I guess it just moved very quickly. It is caused by the release of exotoxins of a bacterium called Streptococcus pyogenes, and its proper name is Streptococcus Toxic Stress Syndrome, but it is normally called toxic strep."

"But things like strep throat can be cleared up with just antibiotics so this can't be that serious."

"No, Son, this isn't just serious, if it isn't treated promptly it can be fatal."

Steve didn't say anything, but he looked at his father; after a minute a thought struck him. "Jo, she could have this too right?"

"No, Steve, she hasn't, at least she didn't when the blood was spilt on the shirt. But Jesse is more at risk than Jo."

"Why?"

"He's a doctor. He could be a carrier of the bacteria, but if he has no split skin, and since we spend half our lives with our hands under the hot faucet, he stays infection free. But once he was injured he could have very easily infected himself."

There was nothing more to say and for a little while the house was quiet except for the sound of voices on phones, and the soft clack clack of computer keys. Steve heard the sound that indicated he had mail and headed over to his own computer. He hated the thing, couldn't comprehend why his dad and Jesse liked them so much, but understood their importance. 

He went to his inbox and saw that the sender was the station. He opened up the attachment and scrolled through transcribed vice squad interviews and hitting the button he watched the pages slide into the tray of the printer on the other side of the morning room. Then he picked up all the information and made his way back to the dining room and sat down at the table. Somehow he felt more able to concentrate when he was sitting in earshot of all the other officers who were also working to find, and save, his wife and best friend.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Ahh, Doctor Travis, you are back with us, how nice for you. I trust you are still enjoying your accommodations. I have decided that this is getting a little boring. Are you bored? Are you in need of a little more excitement in your life? Shall I provide it for you? I have advised my partner in crime to lead the police here. I am, of course, not planning to be around when they arrive, well, not where anybody can see me. And, do you remember our little talk? You should you know, you really should."

The man before them grinned, but it seemed to be more of a leer. Jo was having trouble concentrating on what he was saying, she wasn't sure why, but the room kept moving around her and she just wanted to sleep.

Jesse tried to shut him out, he didn't want to listen, didn't want to remember, but what he did want to do, desperately wanted to do, was call out to Jo again, to try to keep her awake, but it was getting harder and harder for him to keep his own eyes open, and he was feeling more and more ill by the minute. As he watched the man responsible for their predicament Jesse felt himself begin to shiver, and the metal of the collar seemed to grow tighter, harder, and colder before the room began to disappear once more.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had watched Steve leave her garden without a word. She was so worried and anxious that she had no idea what to do next. For a while she just stood there, staring at the path Steve had taken away from her and then she sat back down and for a moment she let her mind go where it wanted. Jesse. When she had found out that he had tried to kill himself after Levington had her she had been astonished. She guessed that she had never really tried to understand how he felt, but now it wasn't hard at all. However much she loved being a cop, and lived for the time she spent doing her job, everything she did was held together by him. 

When she had arrived in Los Angeles Rae had been completely alone for the first time in her life, and although it was a frightening thought she had relished it. She certainly hadn't planned on meeting someone that she would marry and start a second family with, and definitely not on the first day, well the first day she had been fully awake, anyway. But ever since then Jesse had been there, apart from the time when her job had frightened him away, but even then they had come back to each other, even then they were meant to be together. The picture in her mind became one of his smiling face, his eyes twinkling and sparkling as they did when he was happy and enjoying life, which, she knew, was most of the time. Suddenly everything that had happened, all the feelings that she had kept inside herself since he had been taken, flooded out of her. Rae could no longer stop the tears, no longer wanted to. She was alone; she was more scared for her husband than she had ever been for herself and she threw herself onto the soft, sweet smelling grass and began to sob.

Rae had no idea how long the tears lasted, but she knew that although her outburst had exhausted her in one way, it had liberated her in another. For a little longer she sat, letting her emotions come back under control, but she knew that was a luxury she couldn't really afford, "So stop sitting on your bum and go find him." Rae's voice shocked her, she hadn't meant to speak out loud, but suddenly fired up again she left her garden at a run, stopping only long enough splash cold water on her face, tell Sally where she was going and give her children a kiss each, then she headed back towards Steve's house.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had listened through what seemed like a fog as her captor talked with his partner in crime, and as she did so her heart constricted. They were setting Steve, Rae and quite possibly the entire police department up, and she and Jesse were the bait.

"Don't give anything away, but tell them everything, ok?"

"Don, I know just what you want me to do, and I'll do it. I couldn't have done what you did, but Crosier deserved everything he got, man."

"Yeah, well, if you ever change your mind and want me to deal with Crystal you just let me know. He used her even more than my Gwen, he married her and she let him." Don Werner had his hand on Lee's shoulder, and the slightly smaller man could see that his eyes were black as coal and cold as ice. He managed to suppress a shudder, but there was no doubt that this man scared him, and he had no intention of getting on the bad side of him.

"It's wasn't legal, and maybe I can get her to come back to me, y'know. And if Gwen hadn't been married to you, I guess he would have married her too. It never seemed to bother him that he already had a wife, or two or three for that matter. Look, I can stay if you want. We can leave together once everything is finished." Lee closed his eyes, the tears that always seemed to appear when he thought of his girlfriend coming to the surface again.

"Lee, just go, I'll be in touch, man. In the meantime, I'll start the ball rolling with the lovely Reagan. I just love these wireless phones." The laugh that she heard chilled Jo to the bone, and then suddenly the man was standing in front of her.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had been halfway across her front lawn when Agent Perry called her back. "Detective Yeager, come quickly." She had turned and run back towards him, her heart beating loudly as she did so.

The handset for her hall phone was thrust at her and still a little disorientated from her breakdown, and not really understanding Rae spoke. "Hello?"

"Rae … don't come … please … don't, Arghhhhhh."

"Texas!" Rae almost screamed the one word, but was instantly silent as she heard another voice in the background '_and now it's your turn, speak to her … I said speak with her'._ Rae heard a scream filled with agony and then her heart constricted as once again she heard her name.

"Rae … why aren't you here? … I need you … it hurts…" Jesse's voice was faint and there was pain in it and Rae dropped the handset as if it had burnt her.

Agent Perry was right behind her and he caught it and handed it straight back to her. "Keep the line open."

"Jesse? Jess, tell me …" Rae closed her eyes for a second. "Tell me where you are, Baby, and I'll come get you."

"Oh, no, Detective, that is way too easy. But I don't know … should I tell you? Would you come? He **is** dying, Detective, she isn't but you will be too late anyway, all of it will be too late."

"Hello…? Hello…? Please, speak to me, where are they? Let us come and get them, please." Rae knew in her heart that there was no point in begging but she also knew that she had to try. The connection was still in place but now all she could hear was the sound of Texas sobbing somewhere, and Jesse calling her name.

"We have it, we have the address." Agent Perry called out and Rae, with a heart that felt as if it was made of lead, replaced the receiver. Then she and Perry raced out of the house and round to Steve's.

The door was open when they got there, and Agent Whitlow didn't say a word as they entered. The information that they had a location had been sent through on the headsets that the agents were all wearing and Steve was standing in the hallway his jacket already on.

"Rae, what happened? How do you know where they are? We have to go get them back."

"No, wait, Steve, you need to listen to the tape first, Texas said not to come." Rae didn't want to wait any more than she knew Steve did, but he had to listen to the phone call first, had to hear what had been said.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had stopped talking as the scalpel that had been used to slit her shirt was plunged into her arm. There was no way that she could even stop the blood flow and it's warmth as it ran down her arm, and the dizziness that had been coming on was overtaken by the pain she felt, and gradually she gave in to it and began to cry.

Jesse had heard Rae's voice, she had been on the phone when she should have been here, wherever here was, and he had told her so. Maybe now she would come. His whole body felt as if it was either on fire or freezing cold and he knew that he was ill, his hand had begun to turn a very dark colour and he was glad now that it was hard for him to see it. He would have spoken to her even without the man who was with them grabbing his arm, the pain from it now was almost all encompassing, he knew that it was bleeding because he could feel it, and somewhere in the back of his befuddled mind the doctor in him told him to raise it up, keep it higher than his heart and it would be less dangerous. However hard he tried though he couldn't do it. The pain and the restrictions of the chains he wore were too much for him. Jesse felt the nausea rise up in him again, and although he had nothing to bring up he was unable to stop himself from retching and causing himself more pain.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve listened impatiently to the tape as the voice of his ex-colleague was heard.

'_This is Sweeney Todd, I need to speak with Detective Yeager.'_

There was a pause then, and Rae knew that she had been walking across her grass at that moment and then she heard herself.

_'Hello.'_

Rae took Steve's hand into her own as his wife's voice floated out into the room, and as she screamed Rae felt him grip her tightly. No words were spoken until the end of the tape and then the house seemed to burst into action.

"We have to go get them back, where are they? You said that you knew where they were, we have to go now." Steve was desperate; he looked around him, wanting to see people moving, running to cars, or on phones calling in the troops.

"No, Steve, you and Rae can't do this." Ron moved over, but stopped as he saw the two of them look at him.

"Ron, Jesse needs me, and … and he said we would never see them again, please, Ron, don't make us stay behind, please."

For a moment the whole house seemed to wait on Ron's words, and he struggled with the emotions that were running through his mind. He knew that if it were Amanda who was being held then there wasn't a man on earth who could stop him from hunting her down and taking out anyone who stood in his way with his bare hands. Deciding it would be better to have them where he could keep an eye on them than sneaking around behind his back; he began to speak. "You're with me then, and I suggest that you don't change the rules." Ron took in their expressions and his demeanour softened. "Come on, let's go bring them home."

Mark moved across, "I'll call 911, get ambulances there, and I'll alert Community General, I'll go straight there to treat Jo, and I'll get Alex for Jesse."

"No sirens, Mark, this has to be a silent operation." Ron looked round at all the people who had congregated in the hallway. "We have an address, and they are both still alive. Agents Whitlow and Perry will remain here, and we will report back any news to them." Ron's eyes travelled up the stairs and he saw Daniel standing halfway down, almost frozen to the spot. He thought about Dion and CJ who were at school. They weren't his own sons yet, but he could still begin to understand a little of what Daniel was going through. He carefully made his way through to where he was audible only to the boy and he began to speak again. "Daniel, as soon as your mom gets to the hospital I'll get one of the guys to bring you over, ok?"

Daniel was unable to speak and so he just nodded his head. He appreciated what the man was saying, but he couldn't trust his voice right now. He saw Amanda come up behind her fiancée.

"Honey, I'll stay with Daniel, we can go to the hospital together."

Ron smiled briefly at her and nodded his head. "Let's go."

Steve and Rae didn't need any more encouragement from Ron and the three of them raced out of the house and into the vehicle nearest to them.

"Where are we going?" Steve had sat in the back next to Rae and he looked over at the FBI man as they drew out into North Crescent Drive.

"Murietta Avenue." Ron didn't need to say anything further; he heard both of his companions draw in breath before they spoke.

"Crosier lived in … Crosier's house, the letter said the answer lay 'with Crosier, but then it always did.' But … we searched that house, it was clean." Rae tried not to think about the last time she had been to Crosier's house. Not only had she found his head in the freezer, but she had found herself on his computer.

"I know, but that's where the call came from, and just because they are there, it doesn't mean that Crosier and Werner's wife were held there."

"But what about the cement?"  Steve thought back to what Amanda had said, the dust on Crosier's foot had been ordinary cement dust. But it had been found on the skin from Jesse, and Jo's shirt.

"I don't know, maybe he moved all his stuff to the garage behind Crosier's place when he took Jo and Jesse. Steve, all I know is that the call came from Crosier's address. So that is where we start."

Both Steve and Rae were silent then and for the rest of the half hour journey there was no noise except for the occasional crackled message over the radio, or the sound of car horns. As they drew up outside the ranch style house that used to be home to one of the nastier members of the LAPD, Steve's phone began to vibrate in his jacket and he checked the screen before answering it.

"Dad?"

Ron waited to leave the car until he heard what Mark had to say.

"Oh, ok … no, that's what we arranged, but thanks for letting me know … yeah, me too, bye." Steve folded his phone back up and returned it to his pocket. "Alex and he are both at the hospital now and waiting for whatever … whatever happens, and he says that … he says he wishes us good luck." Steve swallowed down his fear. For all he knew his wife could be lying dead somewhere behind the house that sat neatly but desolately in front of him, and now that the moment to find that out was here, he almost wished he was still waiting at home.

His mood was broken by Ron touching his arm and he looked over at his friend. "Steve, you and Rae have to stay here … No, no arguing, this is not up for discussion. I only brought you because I knew damn well you'd come on your own if I didn't. But you stay in the car, and trust me; I will lock you in if I have to. Once the area is secure and we know there is no danger I will come get you."

Both Steve and Rae knew that there was no point in arguing, and so they both just nodded. Rae looked at her partner and then over to her friend. "Can we just move into the front?" 

"As long as you don't steal my car." With a small smile Rae got out of the car and climbed into the driver's seat and Steve sat next to her. The doors were quietly closed and then they sat and silently waited.

The garden to the house was now a little overgrown, and had an unkempt look to it. Rae could tell that no one was living there, but then she wasn't surprised. She had been homeless for a little while and she knew that no matter how desperate she had been, there was no way she could have moved her family into a house that had been used for the purposes this one had. The gardening service that had been hired to keep the house looking tidy while Crozier was missing had been cancelled, and Rae had a feeling that the house would never get over its association with this case.

Ron gathered his men just behind the large wooden gates that shielded the garage and garden from the road. The gates were over six feet high and made of brown wood. The driveway behind them was clear and tidy, although the obvious signs of emptiness had begun to show. There were weeds growing up through the cracks in the paving slabs, and some had begun to grow up the side of the house. He could see, as he talked to the men in front of him, that the grass in the back yard was in desperate need of a cut, and he could also tell that even though the house hadn't been lived in on a permanent basis the garage was being used.

That thought made his heart beat faster, but the entire yard was filled with an eerie silence, and he pushed the thought that maybe they were too late to the back of his mind.

"Ok, this guy's a cop, he knows everything we know, and he's probably armed.  It's the LAPD's view that there are two men involved, so don't leave yourself open. The main requirement of this exercise is to get the hostages out alive. I want this bastard, but not at the expense of Jo Sloan and Jesse Travis, is that clear?"

"Yes, Sir." Jackson Manning was an experienced FBI agent, and he knew just what was needed to finish this case off successfully, but he also knew that in a confined area such as this driveway and garage that there would be problems in getting the hostages out unharmed, or no more harmed than they were already.

Jackson checked his weapon, made sure that there was no chance of anything going wrong and then looked at the three agents standing with him. As he began to speak again the gate opened slowly and first an LAPD badge appeared and then the two cops from Sloan's house followed it.

"Ron, sorry we weren't right behind you, but we had to let the Chief and Captain Newman know what was happening." Cheryl moved over to where Ron was standing. This was his field, she knew that, but she was in charge of the Crosier case, and she wanted in on the end of everything, and she fervently hoped that this would be the end.

"I saw Steve and Rae sitting in your car. They didn't acknowledge us, but I thought you would like to know they are doing as they are told." Cheryl smiled at the tall man who had become a friend, knowing exactly what instructions he would have given Steve and Rae before leaving them in the car. _Friends with a fed, girl, you would never have thought it._ Cheryl brought herself back to the present and looked at the five men in front of her. "What's the plan?"

"We go in, carefully, quietly, but quickly. It's too quiet, I don't like it, and I want in and out as fast as is sensible." Ron nodded to Jackson and he turned to his three men.

"Jonas, you and Bryan take point, I'll go behind you, and Sid, you take Bryan's back. Detective, you and your partner need to keep out of the way." Jackson had split them up so that there was one veteran agent front and rear, although the other two men had been on a few of these operations themselves, and he knew that Wagner never chose inexperienced men.

The four of them began to move, they were all right handed and they held their weapons close to their chests as they walked. There was no sound, but suddenly they all knew that something was very wrong.

"How long d'you think we'll have to sit here?" Rae hadn't said a word since she had joined her partner in the front of the car, but suddenly the silence was too much for her.

"I have no idea. It already feels like hours, but it's only a couple of minutes. Ron is still telling them what to do I guess." Steve stopped talking and for a moment they both watched as Cheryl and Martin made their way down the driveway and then disappeared behind the large brown gates that effectively barred their view of what was happening. "You all right? You seem, I don't know, different somehow." Steve looked at his partner; there was an air of calm about her that hadn't been there before. He could tell she was frightened, scared, just as he was, but the sense of her just about holding herself together, and her self loathing seemed to have gone.

"Yeah, I … I lost it after you left me in the garden, everything I had been holding in, I guess it had to come out sooner or later." Rae looked at her hands, her collapse now embarrassed her, but she knew she needed to have done it.

"Good, I'm glad, I was worried about you, and sometimes you have to let go, y'know?"

Rae nodded, but then her words rushed out of her. "I hate this. Steve, I need to be in there, not here, arghhh, I'm a cop not a bystander."

Steve was about to reply when the air was ripped apart by an explosion and the car was hit by a wall of sound and then they clung to each other as dust and debris rained down on them.


	46. Code Blue

**Code Blue**

Don heard the cars pull up outside his temporary home. He hadn't planned to still be so close to the house when the garage exploded, but that idiot Lee had come back, fussing on about how they were in big trouble, telling him that the cops would be here much sooner than they had thought.  Now they were both sheltering in the small shed at the bottom of the garden where Crosier had kept his recycling. _Recycling_, _Don thought, the man recycled everything, papers, cans, women, his woman. I bet he only did it for the returns. _His hands were in tight fists, and he wished that he could hit something or someone, without calling attention to their presence in the garden. 

The noise of the explosion died away slowly, and for a moment there was deathly silence, then the air was filled with the sound of people in pain, and car alarms.

Steve and Rae had clung to each other as the noise and horror overtook them. For a minute or two they had no thoughts except to keep each other safe from harm, but as the world came back to some sort of normality around them they both realised at the same time what had happened.

"Jesse, Texas, oh God, Steve, we have to go." Her words seemed to spur them both into action and they leapt out of the car and rushed towards the garage. The sight that met their eyes when they pushed their way through the shattered gate stopped them immediately. 

Ron was leaning against the wall to the house next door. He had blood pouring from a wound on his temple, and as Rae crouched down in front of him she was concerned that he didn't seem to be aware of her. "Ron? Ron, can you hear me?" There was no response and Rae shrugged herself out of her jacket and placed it over him to keep him warm.

She pulled her cell phone out of her jeans pocket and dialled 911, and then moving over to where Steve was crouched by the side of another agent she began to speak. "This is Detective Yeager, we have officers down at 387 Murietta Avenue, there has been an explosion and we have officers down. This is a Code Three, repeat, Code Three" Rae listened for a minute and then shut her phone off and put it away.

"Steve?"

He looked at her and his face was lined with grief. "They're all alive, but the shrapnel has hurt them pretty bad."

Rae cast her eyes over the fallen agents and then she saw Cheryl and Martin huddled together, both of them with blood coming from numerous wounds, and she wished that she had something else to cover her friends with. As she carried on looking round her in horror she called out again.

"Steve, look, my God, look at the garage!" Rae's gaze took in the pile of rubble that was all that was left of the building where they had hoped to find their loved ones. The brick and wooden structure had been raised to the ground, and there were piles of burning wood spread around. She moved closer to the front of the structure and let out a gasp. "Steve, come here, now, right now!" 

There was something in her tone that made her partner leave the man he was tending and run to her side. He was so scared that he didn't really know what to do, but her voice left him no choice but to go closer.

"Steve, look." Rae pointed down to a pile of bricks and Steve felt sure his heart would stop as he saw his wife's arm sticking out of the rubble.

"Rae, I … I can't."

"Steve, we can't just leave her here, we have to dig her out… STEVE!" Rae screamed at him, but still her partner just stood as still as a statue, and Rae knew that she had to get him back to her quickly or he would go into shock and be of no use to anyone, and she knew that she couldn't do this alone.

"Rae… what … what if it isn't attached to her?" 

Rae moved over to where he was standing, carefully negotiating the fallen wood, and bricks that the garage had been made of. "Then we have to take her home just the same, come on, Partner, we'll check her together." She took his hand and pulled him back the way she had come, stamping down a small smouldering piece of wood as she did so, and then crouching down once again she gently took her best friend's hand into her own and felt for a pulse. With a deep sigh she looked up into the haunted eyes of the man standing over her. "She's alive, Steve, her hand is warm, but her pulse is weak." 

Steve seemed to be jolted back to reality and he began to move the debris that covered his wife, and as he did so Rae heard a sound that momentarily rooted her to the spot.

"Rae … Rae, help me." The voice was faint, but it was Jesse's, and checking quickly that Steve was now at least functioning she carefully clambered across towards the noise.

"Jesse, Honey, keep talking." The air was silent though, except for the sounds of crackling, burning wood, and with an increasingly heavy heart Rae made her way to the back of the piles of rubble. As she did so there was a slight glint in the sunlight and she saw a metal pole with a chain wrapped around it and she knew that her husband was at the end of those links somewhere. Not stopping to think about how she was actually going to manage it, Rae began to pull the pieces of brick and burning wood from around the pole. She didn't even realise the size of some of the chunks she pulled and pushed aside, didn't take in the fact that she was moving wood that was still alight. Finally, after what seemed like forever, but was probably just a few minutes Rae saw the first strands of blood matted blonde hair, and with a cry began to work even harder. 

Steve had been working on automatic pilot until he too found hair underneath his fingertips, the feel of it, even through the dust that covered it, made a lump form in his throat. The next piece of timber that he moved revealed her face to him and, unable to stop it, a sob escaped him and he became frantic, needing to remove every piece of her prison so that he could take her into his arms, could hug and hold her, could save her.

Rae lifted a plank of wood that seemed, amazingly, to be unscathed, and Jesse looked up at her. His eyes were open and as he saw her he let out a sigh. "You're here." 

"Of course, my darling, where else would I be?" Rae blinked back the tears as she saw his eyelids flicker and close, and then she heard a shout.

Steve had just got Jo into a position where he could hold her, talk to her and just keep her near to him until help arrived when he was aware of a movement in the very edge of his vision. He turned and to his horror and fury he saw Don Werner moving quietly across the end of the yard, making for the fence into the next garden.

The precious seconds he used up carefully lowering Jo to the ground were ones he would never regret but they gave his prey the chance to get over the first hedge, and with a roar Steve raced after him.

"You son of a bitch, get back here!" Steve almost vaulted the first barrier, closing in on his prey quickly. Werner was much bigger than he was, but that was a disadvantage. Steve was tall, but he was agile and he was strong and fit. The fences between the yards didn't pose any problem for him and by the time he had landed in the third garden he was on top of the vice cop. He launched himself and took the man out, landing on him. "That's my wife, you did that to." Steve was sent staggering backwards as his quarry pushed himself up from the ground, swinging round as he did so, Steve raised his fist and hurled it into Don's face, and then was sent sprawling as the larger man punched him viciously in the gut. Steve wasn't about to let him get away and he bounced back kicking Werner in roughly the same place that he had himself been hit and, as the man staggered backward, he brought both fists down on the back of his neck and then punched him again in the face as the man fell like a stone, his head hitting the ground as he did so.

Steve stood over him, punching him first one side of the head then the other, his vision was blurred by the blood pounding through his brain, and the memory of his wife, bloodied and half dead in the remains of the garage.

"You bastard, if she dies, I'll kill you!" 

"Steve… STEVE!" It was Cheryl's voice that finally got through to her ex-partner but he kept on hitting and hitting Don Werner, seemingly unable to stop even as he felt her hands pull back on his arms. "I think you have him." Cheryl tried to keep a tight hold but Steve dragged himself out of her grasp and kept on ramming his fists into the fallen man's face. "Steve, Jo needs you … now."

At the mention of his wife's name Steve dropped his arms, turned and saw the compassion in her eyes. She handed him a set of cuffs and he hauled the man up by the collar, just high enough to flip him over, and then with his foot in the middle of his back Steve restrained him.

"Help me, Cheryl; I have to get … Jo …"

"I know, Steve, I know." She wiped her sleeve across her face, and for the first time Steve noticed the blood and the wounds that she had on her.

"My, God, Cheryl, you're hurt, I'm so sorry." 

"It's not your fault, but we need to get him back." As Cheryl began to think about how to get their large prisoner across three hedges the rear door to the house whose garden they were in opened and a small, extremely frightened looking, elderly woman came out. 

"Get that man out of my yard! I don't want him here a minute longer."

"Yes, Ma'am, we plan to do just that may we take him through your house?" Cheryl got her ID out, and tried to clean her face on the sleeve of her top.

"Certainly not! But you may take him round the side and through the front gate," the woman glared at the three of them as they made their way up the garden path and around the house.

Rae had watched her partner take off after the man responsible for the situation they found themselves in, and wished that she could follow him, but she needed to stay with Jesse, his breathing was so shallow, and his pulse, when she had finally found his wrist, was almost non-existent. Rae had manoeuvred herself so that she could rest Jesse's head in her lap and still carefully remove some of the rubble that covered him.  She had been talking softly to him the whole time, almost in a world of her own, but as she pulled aside a blackened piece of lumber that was full of jagged edges she saw the gate open and Don Werner was shoved unceremoniously into the driveway.

Steve looked around as he moved the vice cop into the back yard of Crosier's place and then as his eyes took in the shattered garage once more he stopped and with fear and horror in his voice called out. "Rae!"

As she heard her partner call her name Rae felt the unmistakable pressure of a gun against the back of her head.

"Detective, I don't want to use this, but there ain't no way I'm goin' down, now drop him and stand up." Leroy Raab was surprised at how steady his voice and his hand were and, as his new hostage didn't move, he jabbed the barrel of the gun hard into her neck grabbing her hair in his other hand and pulling her to her feet. "Drop your gun."

"Jesse!" Rae couldn't help but call out as she saw him fall, the injured arm she had just uncovered smacking against the bricks as it fell.

"He's half dead already, now drop your gun and move!" The revolver was jabbed again and Leroy was relieved to see her begin to do as she was told.

Rae carefully moved away from where she'd had to let Jesse drop to the ground. She knew that Steve and Cheryl were aware of what was happening to her, but no one else seemed to be conscious enough to come to her aid. In the distance she heard the sound of a siren and knew that there would be medics or cops or fire-fighters here, all risking being shot if she didn't do something, soon.

"Move quicker." Leroy was getting twitchy, he was trying to keep his hands from shaking, and as he got in line with the house he moved back against the wall so that no one could take him out from behind.

"Lee, let her go. There is no way you will get away with this, let her go." Steve's voice was confident and strong. He and Cheryl had their weapons drawn now, and both were aiming at him.

"If you shoot so will I. Steve, I gotta do this, I can't go to jail, man, and I don't want to die."

"I don't want you to die either, but I will shoot, Lee, I can't let you take her." Steve took a step further but stopped as he saw the gun move in Lee's hand.

Rae felt it and for a moment she stopped walking, she felt it slightly unbalance her captor, so she raised her foot and, moving it backwards, pushed herself off of the wall behind her. As she did so she felt the gun move away from her neck and the sound of shooting, then as she fell she knew nothing else.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The ER at Community General had been quiet, but as word came through of the explosion in Van Nuys they braced themselves for the rush to come. Mark and Alex sent down for all the supplies that they knew they would need, they put a call through to Wil Collins and, leaving the family party he was attending, he came straight into work. By the time they had everything in place the first ambulance had pulled up and medics were wheeling in two of the injured FBI agents.

Amanda and Daniel had been called, but Mark had explained about the explosion, and although she was desperately worried about Ron, Amanda had taken the boy to the doctor's lounge to wait until Mark or Alex came and got them.

The first two agents had been checked over and admitted; Jackson Manning had been looked at and sent straight to the OR, the piece of charred wood that had pierced his chest needing surgical removal. Ron had regained consciousness as the medics had been carefully putting him onto a gurney, and much to his disgust Alex had taken one look and said, "Admit him."

As Alex and Mark had both exited trauma suites at the same time one of the nurses on duty moved across to them, a look of worry and concern on her face. "Doctor Sloan, I just got word, the next ambulance has your daughter-in-law in it."

For a moment Mark closed his eyes, but then he refocused and nodded his head. "Thank you, have her sent straight to Trauma One." Mark moved across to the water cooler, poured himself a drink, took a sip and tried to mentally detach himself from what he was about to see. He heard the sound of the gurney before he saw it and, listening intently to the medic wheeling it in, he headed towards the emergency room.

Alex looked round for Steve, he had expected him to be right next to Jo as she arrived, and his absence was worrying him. The thoughts were sent out of his mind as the next gurney arrived, and he looked down at the unconscious form of his friend and colleague. He looked to the medic and began to listen.

"The patient has a temperature of 104.5; he has swelling and edema in his right arm, where there are three wounds. The patient appears to be suffering from shock and infection…There are crush injuries to his left leg but both were trapped for roughly thirty minutes… He's a great guy, Doctor Martin, he needs you right now." The young medic watched as Alex nodded his head and moved with the gurney into Trauma Three. Then shaking his own head the medic moved over to get himself a drink before returning to the street for the rest of his shift.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had watched as first Jo then Jesse were put onto gurneys and wheeled away to waiting ambulances. He desperately wanted to go with one or other of them but knew that he had to finish up a few things first. He tried to call through to his dad but was told that he was tied up, and so, not thinking to leave a message, he just closed down his phone and returned to where Cheryl was watching Martin being treated by a medic.

"Cheryl, is he all right?" Steve placed a hand on her shoulder, he wanted to check on Rae too, but the look on his friend's face worried him.

"I … I don't know, Steve, he was struck on the back of the head by something, and he has been out cold ever since. They … they need to help him … breathe before they move him … Steve, I … I have to go with him."

"I know, you go, I'll … I'll be along in a minute, ok?" He saw Cheryl nod her head, and then as Martin was gently laid on yet another gurney he watched her move away with the man she loved.

The body of Leroy Raab had been removed and was lying inside a body bag waiting to be moved to the Community General morgue when the living had been dealt with. Steve looked at the shape covered over in black and sighed, they hadn't been really close, but he and Lee had been colleagues in vice, and had kept in touch, but now he had killed the man and whatever else had happened he felt the weight of guilt from his death added to every other emotion he was feeling.

Rae was still lying on the ground waiting to be treated. She had his jacket rolled up under her head, and Steve could see a large bruise coming up on her forehead. A medic who he recognised as one of the men who had taken the first two FBI agents to the hospital came up to her at a run and then crouched down beside her.

"What's her name?" he looked over to Steve.

"Reagan or Rae."

"Reagan, can you hear me?" The young man placed his hand over her wrist as he spoke, feeling for a pulse, "Reagan."

To the relief of both men Rae began to stir slightly. She opened her eyes, but even Steve could see that they were very unfocused. "I need you to look at me, can you do that?"

"What? No, I have … I have to get to Jesse." Rae began to move, but everything began to swim round her, and the little colour she had in her face drained away. Steve moved in closer to her and placed his hand over hers.

"He's already at the hospital." Steve had no idea whether Jesse had arrived or not, but he knew that he would be there before Rae was. "Alex will be looking after him, Rae, Rae, can you hear me?"

There was no response from his partner and Steve looked anxiously at the medic next to him. "She'll be all right, her pulse is steadier all ready, but I think she took a real hard knock, and she has some nasty burns." He indicated with his hand and a gurney was wheeled across towards them.

"Yeah, she had a … she had a dead body knock her to the ground."

"Oh. I guess it was pretty hairy here for a while?"

"It was. It definitely was that."

"Lieutenant." Steve was jolted from the memories that had momentarily threatened him by the voice of his boss. He turned to see Captain Newman moving across the driveway towards him. "Why are you still here? You should be at the hospital getting checked over and your wife …" For a moment his voice failed him. Maybe his man was still here because Jo Sloan was dead.

"Dad is with her, Sir. I wanted to make sure that Werner was taken away, and I knew that Jo would be in the ER and surgery for a long time before I could see her …and … I … I just let her go." Steve felt the little energy he had left leave him, and he swayed where he stood.

"I need a medic here, now!" Newman's voice was hard and loud, and before he knew it Steve was being loaded into an ambulance, a mask on his face and a blood pressure cuff on his arm.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Amanda and Daniel had sat in the doctor's lounge for over an hour when, unable to stay still any longer, he had burst out of his seat. "Amanda, please, go see what's happening, I need to know if they found my mom in time."

She looked at him and Amanda felt her heart go out to him. Daniel was a tall slim boy, and he had changed so much in the time that he had lived with Jo and Steve. She remembered the picture that Alex had shown her after the hold up at Lewis's Store had resulted him in doing time. He'd had a lot to do with the rescue of this young man. The eyes in that picture had been haunted, he had been hunched up and scared, even though he and Alex had been shooting hoops with some other at-need kids who were in the group home with him after he was released from juvenile hall. Amanda could see the scene in her mind, and knew that if they hadn't been in the background of the picture all grinning inanely Daniel could have been waiting for a firing squad. But now, even in this terrible situation, he was a tall, self confident, polite young man with a future, she just hoped and prayed that the future still contained a dad and mom who loved and cared for him.

"Amanda?"

"You stay here though, ok? I'll go check." Amanda placed a hand on his arm as she went past. She wanted to know about Ron, but hadn't liked to leave the boy before he was ready to be alone. She had called her sitter and arranged for her to stay overnight with CJ and Dion, explaining a little of what happened, and asking her to let them know that even though Ron was staying in the hospital he would definitely be all right. Her thoughts took her all the way to the desk in the ER and she indicated for one of the nurses on duty to come over to her.

"I need to know how Jo Sloan is … and Ronald Wagner too."

"Yes, Doctor Bentley. Mr. Wagner is in x-ray right now, and then he will be admitted room 459, intermediate care unit, Mrs. Sloan is still in with Doctor Sloan, but he just called out for an OR, so I don't think she will be in there for much longer."

"How about Doctor Travis?" Amanda knew that Jesse was seriously ill, and part of her dreaded hearing any news about him.

"Doctor Martin has called for an OR too, and … and he called a Code Blue, he had a crash cart taken in a little while ago."

"Oh, God." Amanda's hand covered her mouth, and then she looked around.

"Rae … where is Mrs Travis?"

"Ma'am?" The young nurse looked at her.

"Detective Yeager, Mrs Travis, they're the same person." She hadn't meant to snap but her words came out in a quick, hard stream.

"She is being brought in right now."

"Being brought in, she's hurt?" Amanda saw the nurse nod her head, she should have guessed, Rae was always in the centre of things, and even if Ron had handcuffed her to his car, she was sure that her friend would have made her way to Jesse, one way or another. "And Lieutenant Sloan?"

The nurse went to speak but was interrupted by the phone ringing beside her; she reached out without even looking, and put the receiver to her ear. "Community General, Emergency Room… Yes, Sir, please hold." The nurse moved the receiver down a little. "Doctor Bentley, Lieutenant Sloan is on here." The young woman, looking as if a ghost had appeared, handed over the phone.

"Steve? … No, she's still with your dad, but she is going to the OR any minute … Honey, why aren't you here? … Oh … no, no he's here, but he needs either you or your dad or someone with him right now… Well, then you stay right where you are and I'll keep him with me… I'm sure you'll find me … bye." Amanda handed back the telephone and then smiled at the nurse. "Lieutenant Sloan is also being brought in, very reluctantly I might add. Don't let him come in search of me or his son until he has been treated, ok?"

"Yes, Doctor." The nurse shook her head, she hadn't been working in the hospital for long, but she already knew that Steve Sloan could be a very difficult patient.

Mark watched as Jo was wheeled away from him and down to surgery. He had been amazed by the job that Jesse had done on her finger, and apart from cleaning and re-dressing it he hadn't had to do anything to it. He had given her anti-biotics, she had been hooked up to an IV and he had stitched a deep but relatively clean lesion in her arm, but the thing that was worrying him the most was the wound on the back of her head where hair had been ripped out, and the shrapnel wounds on her back which he knew had been caused when the garage had exploded around her. 

From what Mark could tell the building had been made not only of brick but also wood and it had turned into a million small burning arrows as the explosive had detonated. Jo's back was covered in small abrasions and burns, which would gradually heal themselves, but she also had two large pieces of wood which were imbedded in her, it was also obvious that she was suffering from shock, exposure and dehydration. There had been a long slit down his daughter-in-law's body that had caused his anger to flare. The after effects of what had happened to Jo would be long lasting, and the scar that would be left from her neck to her navel would be a terrible daily reminder of what had occurred. Mark had cleaned all the dirt and dust out of the wound, and he hoped that the anti-biotics would prevent infection, but he wasn't convinced that he had done enough. He had, however, managed to stabilize her sufficiently that he was happy she would survive the surgery, but she would need to be kept on a ventilator in the ICU for the next twenty four hours at least.

As Mark turned he was surprised to see Rae come into the ER, a mask over her face, which was swollen on the left side, and a warm blanket over her. He diagnosed immediately that she was suffering from shock, but that didn't surprise him, he knew that the explosion would have shocked most people at the scene, and Rae and Steve had more reason than most to be traumatised by what had happened. 

As Wil Collins made his way over to Rae's gurney Mark smiled and was about to check with the desk to see how many more people were still to come when he saw Martin Robertson with Cheryl along side him being rushed through and straight on down towards the trauma suite closest to the OR. The doors opened and closed on the young detective, and Mark watched as Steve's old partner seemed to deflate as she lost sight of her love.

"Cheryl, Sweetie, let me look at you, come on." Mark put an arm around her and guided her towards the room he had just vacated.

"Doctor Sloan, your son is on the way in; Doctor Bentley said I wasn't to let him go anywhere until he had been seen too."

Mark had stopped in his tracks as he heard the nurse begin to speak, but as he heard the end of her explanation the smile returned to his lips. He knew that his son wasn't in too bad a way if he needed to be restrained, and so he just nodded and carried on into his room, calling over his shoulder as he did so. "You have my permission to use whatever means you think best to keep him still, nurse." The doors shut behind him and he didn't see her look of worried shock as she realised what he had just said.

Alex felt a sigh of relief leave his body as he was told that an OR was now free, and he looked down at Jesse once more. Twice he had nearly lost him, and even now he wasn't anywhere near as stable as he would like, but he needed to be in surgery before anyone attempted to clean up both his arm and his head. Alex had expected to see the angry and desperate wound on his friend's arm, but the sight of exposed flesh on his head where the hair had been pulled away had been a shock to him. As he had worked Alex had sent out a call for the best plastic surgeon that he knew, a man called Marlon South, he had trained with him when he had been an intern, and had been amazed by the way he worked. The man was meticulous, taking far longer over his patients than any of the case studies that Alex had read through suggested. The after care had also been second to none, and he knew that if anyone could help his friend then it was Doctor South. 

The crush injuries had been bad too, and Jesse would be either bedridden or dependent on people for quite a while. Jesse had crashed for the first time just after the call had been made, and for a few minutes Alex had thought that he wouldn't be able to bring him back. He knew that his system was flooded with toxins; he was suffering from severe shock, as well as exposure and dehydration. Alex had found himself getting almost aggressively angry as he had watched an orderly carefully take his time over cutting through the metal collar that his friend had been forced to wear, and if the marks left by it were anything to go on, tortured with. When he had finished his job the orderly had moved on to do the same thing to Jo. The delay had been unavoidable, but Alex knew that it could be fatal. Jesse was a gentle guy, when he was with Rae or his two daughters he was as kind and loving a man as you could hope to meet. When Alex had been training at Community General he had watched him work under the most harrowing of circumstances without ever losing his sense of humour or treating the patient as anything other than the most important person to him in the world at that moment. To think that another human being could have done this to him. Alex had looked at the blood-covered body in front of him; Jesse was, as he imagined Jo was in the next room, covered in wounds caused by the explosion, and Alex knew that it would be a long and difficult road for his friend before he was able to be back treating patients rather than being one himself.

As the orderly took Jesse out of his room Alex heard the sound of Steve's voice, and even amidst all the horror and trauma he had seen that afternoon he couldn't stop a laugh escaping him, and then he went out to see if he could rescue the nurse.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Dane had stayed with Debbie Gardiner and David Walters, even after Amanda had taken Steve and Jo's son with her to the hospital. He wanted desperately to be with his own son, but wasn't sure how Rae would receive him. When he heard that she too had been injured and would have to be admitted he had excused himself and driven straight to the hospital. 

By the time he arrived in the ER his son was in surgery, and his daughter-in-law had been taken up to her room. The nurse who was on duty in admissions told him that Rae could be found in room 120 and so, with a smile in her direction, he had headed for the elevator.

There had been a police guard on the door to Rae's room, but even when he had explained who he was and why he was there, the young officer had refused to let him in. So now, he found himself sitting in the hallway waiting to be with a woman who, until yesterday, he had never met, knowing that she would need someone with her when she awoke.

As he sat there he heard a throat being cleared behind him and he turned to see the young doctor he had seen at Jesse's house looking at him.

"Hi, Mr Travis, how are you holding up?" Alex looked at the man who had practically accused his patient of having an affair with him and wondered what sort of reaction he would get. He also wondered why he was sitting in the hall, but decided to ignore that.

"I'm good. I'm worried about Jesse and Rae… Doctor …" Dane looked at the badge on Alex's coat. "… Martin, can you tell me how she is?"

"It's Alex, and she has a concussion which will keep her out of action for a few days and her hands were badly burnt, but apart from that she's just plain exhausted. I know she hasn't been sleeping, and I'll bet she hasn't been eating either. She's had a traumatic time, but she'll come out of it. I'm inclined to let her sleep until her body wakes her up. That maybe just a few hours, it may even be a few days. If Jesse needs her I will come get her, otherwise I plan to let her be."

"I see, and Jesse?  I know that the prognosis isn't as good there is it?"

"No, Sir, it isn't. But you already worked that out didn't you?"

Dane nodded, and the two men moved a little way away from the guard and before Alex had a chance to speak Dane asked him another question. "Can you get me past that man, so I can sit with Rae?" 

Alex smiled and moved over to where the uniformed officer was standing, had a quiet word with him and then smiled. "That is no problem; your name is now on Rae's list."  Then knowing that nothing but the truth would satisfy the man in front of him Alex began to talk again.

"Your son is dangerously ill. He has a condition which is called toxic strep, and that can be fatal. He also has three areas which are gonna require skin grafts, and he has crush injuries to his legs. When he comes out of surgery he'll be placed in ICU, on full ventilation. It will be a very long road for him and he's going to need a lot of help."

"Yes, I understand that. Doctor Martin … he will come out of surgery won't he?"

Alex was thoughtful for a moment, and then he looked the man in the eye. "I don't know, Sir, we may have got to him too late to save him."


	47. Emergency Procedures

**Emergency Procedures**

The doctor's lounge had gradually become the accepted meeting place as the ER had emptied out. Mark had replaced Amanda so that she could go to Ron, and was now sitting next to his grandson, as grateful for the support he was getting as that he was giving.

Alex had gone to check on Rae once he had spoken with Wil, who was on his way to the OR to operate on Jo. Dane was with Rae, and had said that he would stay until his son came out of surgery. Alex was now in the lounge too, although as he was on duty he didn't expect to stay there very long. 

Cheryl was sitting slightly apart from the others, trying to tell herself that Martin would be ok, that the piece of wood that had pierced his skull would be taken out as easily as a splinter and everything would be fine, but she had been in this hospital too many times to know that the short time he had spent in the ER before being rushed to the OR was not a good sign.

Apart from Alex they had all been sitting almost silently for just over an hour when the door opened again and Steve moved slowly into the room.

"Dad!" Daniel jumped up and rushed to the man, and then just stood, tears falling onto Steve's bloodied shirt, taking all the strength and love offered by the arms encircling him.

"Son, come and sit down, you should at least be resting, if not laying in a bed yourself." Mark came over and guided the two of them towards the saggy sofa.

"No, I'm fine, Dad, I just needed to take it easy for a little while, which I've done, now I … I just need to know how she is… Dad, please." Steve let himself be led and then sat, never once letting go of his hold on his son.

"She's in a bad way, but she will be fine, physically at least, and I think you have Jesse to thank for that."

"What? I … I don't understand, Dad, Jesse's not even here." Steve looked at his father, and Mark could see the worry and exhaustion had yet to leave him. His eyes were haunted, and his face was tight and grim.

"Steve, she could have gone into shock, and given the lack of medical care, even died right where she was after she lost her finger, but there isn't even any infection in the wound, he stitched it up, made sure that it was clean, he did a great job, and in fact, under the circumstances, I would say he worked miracles." Mark kept on looking at his son; he was worried that he might be suffering from shock himself.

"I guess I owe him a lot, huh?" Steve's voice was a little distant, but Mark watched as he moved back towards him, and was able to relax himself. "Who saw Jesse?"

"I did." Alex had been hoping that nobody would ask him for a prognosis, but he knew now that he wouldn't be able to keep it to himself.

"And?" Steve realised his voice came out far more sternly than he had meant. "Sorry, Alex."

"Hey, no problem." He raised his hand in acknowledgement of his friend's situation. "I wish that I could say the same things about Jesse that Mark just did about Jo." Alex knew that he was hedging, but he didn't really want to say anything more.

"Alex, just tell us, please." Steve's voice cut through Alex's thoughts.

"He has toxic strep, but you knew that, probably caused when his arm was … skinned, he will need grafts there. He has crush injuries to his legs, the left one is worst, but I don't think it's broken, and he has a few shrapnel wounds and burns, although I have to say they aren't as bad as I would have thought. The blast didn't do him anywhere near as much damage as it could have, but the guy who held him, well, he nearly killed him, and there is no way round this, he is very, very sick." Alex stopped; he could almost recite the injuries like they were a shopping list. Finally, after a sigh he began again. "There will be a lot of physical problems, but I think that psychologically it will be even worse. I can't even begin to imagine what either of them went through, but it would have been as close to hell as they would have wanted to get. They are gonna need a lot of help, and some of it we won't be able to give, or even understand why they need it, I think it will take a lot longer than any of us can imagine to get anything like the Jo and Jesse back that we lost at the beginning of the week."

_'Doctor Martin to the ER STAT, Doctor Alex Martin to the ER STAT.'_ The disembodied voice floated into the room and with a grimace Alex got to his feet.

"I'll see you all later … and I'm sorry I didn't have anything better to say." As the young man left the room they all saw him square his shoulders, and knew that it would take him a little while to get over what he had seen too.

The OR department had been working at full capacity since the first FBI agent had been brought in. So far they hadn't lost anyone, and they had no intention of doing so now. Wil Collins was preparing in the operating theatre usually used when students were observing. It was larger than the others, and he was glad of the space.  Wil knew that in the room next to his Doctor Marlon South, and one of the newer doctors to the hospital, Jonah Lyle were already working on Jesse. He didn't know Josephine Sloan that well, but he did know that she was married to a man he liked and admired, and was the best friend of one of his ex-patients. _Rae_. He thought of her haunted face as she had lain propped up on a gurney in one of the trauma suites. He could tell that she was seriously troubled by what had happened to her husband and her friend, if only by the fact that she had been completely unaware of the serious burns to the palms of her hands until he had begun to treat them. Her conversation came back to him as he carefully went through the almost mechanical routine to ensure that he was as clean and sterile as he could be.

_"Rae, this may hurt your hands, but I have to do it, ok?"__ He had gently laid Rae's left hand, palm up on the tray across the gurney she was sitting on._

_"What? Why? I didn't hurt myself, I banged my head, but it's Jesse who is hurt, Wil, please, he is being treated isn't he?" Rae had looked down then and her eyes had widened as she saw the burnt and blistered areas that had replaced her palms and the backs of her fingers._

_He had gently begun cleaning the area, and was relieved to feel her flinch as he did so._

_"I … I didn't know I had done this … how can that be?"_

_Wil was glad she was talking to him; he had been extremely concerned about her when she had first come into the hospital, and had even been considering admitting her to an intermediate care unit with shock. But gradually she had responded to his questions, and he could see that although she was extremely worried, she would be ok in a normal room as long as she had someone with her. "If there are parts you can't feel it's normally because once the initial contact has been made they very quickly become third degree burns. There is no sensation, and the nerve endings have probably been destroyed by the heat." He stopped, not wanting to tell her too much, but knowing from the past that if he didn't tell her she would find out somehow anyway._

_"Oh. That's bad, isn't it?"_

_"Yeah, but we are treating you right away and you can feel this, so don't worry.__ I'll get you hooked up to an antibiotic IV, once I have dressed and positioned your hands so that they heal properly. But I think there was another reason you didn't feel these burns, most of them are second degree, which are normally extremely painful."_

_"I can't believe I didn't know I had done this." The wonderment was apparent in her voice, and Wil looked up and smiled. _

_"You wanted to save your husband, nothing else mattered, am I right?"_

_"He called out to me … there was fire where he was, but I didn't even think about it … I just had to get to him and … and when I did, he said 'you're here' and I could tell that he was better because he knew … Oh, God, Wil, what will I do if he dies?"_

_"Rae, you're exhausted, and now that you know about these injuries I'm guessing they hurt, correct?"_

_"A little."__ Rae had agreed, albeit reluctantly._

_"Where the blisters are?" Wil carefully pointed to the telltale areas on the edges of her palms. _

_"Mmm, do you burst them? I'm never sure whether to or not."_

_"No, I don't, but other doctors do. There is no hard and fast rule about it… Are you all right?" Will had seen her move slightly on the bed and a wave of pain pass across her face._

_"I wish I could say I was, but my back really hurts."_

_"Rae, from what I understand you had a dead weight on you. I'll get you x-rayed and checked out before you're taken to your room."_

_He had finished treating and dressing her hands in silence, but it had been a different type of silence. He had been heartened by the level of her conversation, and now he knew that his patient was shocked, but didn't think she was suffering from shock and he also had a feeling that everything they had discussed was now whirring around her brain.  Once he was finished he had made some notes on her chart and then spoken again. "I'll get the nurse to take you to your room straight from x-ray and I'll leave notes to say that if you can't sleep that you are to be given some sedation, but I know how much you hate it, and I think you will be fine without it anyway." He had doggedly continued speaking, even though he could see that Rae was desperate to butt in. Once he hadn't insisted on the medication though she had waited for him to finish._

_"Thank you, Wil."_

"Doctor Collins?" The voice of a young nurse came into his thoughts as he finished scrubbing.

"Yes?"

"Mrs Sloan has been to x-ray, and is ready for you."

"Thank you, nurse." Wil allowed her to pull on his gloves for him and then holding his hands out in front of him he moved through into the theatre. His patient was laying on her stomach, the back of the hospital gown laying open on the gurney and a blue sheet covering everything except the part where he could see two large pieces of wood sticking out of her back. He looked at them from all angles before he even considered how he was going to take them out. They were three to four inches across and although he could see about two inches above her skin, Wil had an idea that they could be like an iceberg and have more hidden than showing. After the injuries to Rae he was pleased to see that there appeared to be no burns on this patient, at least none that needed his attention.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The nurse on duty in the OR who was in charge of admissions was called Lila Norley, and she was up to her eyes in paperwork. The sudden influx of patients with such serious injuries had resulted in an emergency being declared, and not only had she been admitting patients but she had also been contacting and cancelling those whose operations were not deemed vital. Now though, she had five minutes to make sure that nothing had been forgotten or overlooked, and she began to read through the paperwork on the patients who had already been taken to the ICU.

Lila picked up the file on Ronald Wagner and smiled. She knew that he was engaged to Doctor Bentley, and she was pleased to see that he had no more than some second degree burns, abrasions, a concussion and shock. It was the last condition that had meant he was being monitored continually and kept real close to a ventilator in case he should suddenly take a turn for the worse.

Jackson Manning, Lila shook her head, he hadn't been so lucky, and was fighting for his life in the ICU. The piece of wood that had been imbedded in his chest had smashed through his rib cage as if it wasn't there, and punctured his lung. He was alive, but only just.

Her eyes flicked through the other folders, she really ought to file them away, all the duplicates had been sent with the patient to their rooms, and these were no longer needed. As she began to put them into alphabetical order a young nurse in slightly less than pristine scrubs came out and placed another one on the desk, she shook her head as she did so, and then walked away. Lila looked down, Martin Robertson; it wasn't a name she recognised.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Marlon South had never worked with Jonah Lyle before, but he had to admit the young man seemed to know what he was doing. The injuries to Jesse Travis's leg had been quite nasty and it was difficult to decide which area to concentrate on first. Initially it had been decided that Jonah would work on the burns and crush injuries whilst Marlon decided how to deal with the gaping wounds on Jesse's arm and the raw skin on the side of his head.

In the end, despite the infection rampant in their colleague's body both Marlon and Jonah had realised that they should concentrate on the grafts, cleaning the other wounds and keeping a close eye on them in case they needed further intervention.

The x-rays taken had shown that Jesse had no fracture of the left leg although it had received some second degree burns and was very swollen. The right leg miraculously seemed to have escaped serious injury. It was swollen and bruised, but that was all.

Marlon had then moved over to the wound on Jesse's arm and considered it. He had already assessed it, and knew exactly what had to be done, the location of the donor site, where he would take the skin from, and the sizes he needed, but he used the few minutes that he stood silently to re-group and collect his thoughts. Jonah stretched out his aching back muscles for a moment. They had, so far, only cleaned and stitched wounds, removing a small pile of shrapnel in the process, and made sure that the legs were dressed and elevated. That had taken them a little over an hour and the main task still lay ahead of them.

Doctor South was a surgeon who liked to talk as he worked. His usual practice was to have a recorder underneath his scrubs and a tiny microphone hooked over his ear, beneath his hat. Jonah waited for his instructions, knowing that his colleague was a specialist plastic surgeon, which wasn't a field he had ever considered, but he had worked with Jesse and liked and admired the man, if he could help then he wanted to do so.

Marlon's deep voice reverberated around the room and Jonah listened intently to every word. "The patient is a 38 year old male with three wounds on the left forearm. Each one measures approximately 5cm by 8cm and will require a full thickness skin graft. All three grafts will be started with a purse string suture." He paused for breath as he finished the first one. Then he carefully picked up the foil package that he had removed his suture from and made himself a template. Once that was done and he was happy with everything so far he took the small instrument passed to him by the OR nurse. As always the doctor was impressed by the level of professionality in the theatre, and also by the fact that everyone seemed to know what to do without actually being told.

"The grafts will be taken from the upper left arm and will be harvested with a Davol dermatome, Doctor Lyle, if you would be so kind?" Jonah moved so that he was in position on the other side of the operating table and then, taking the sterile tongue depressor that he was handed, so that he had one hand on either end of it, he began to press down, flattening the skin on the inside of Jesse's upper arm so that Marlon could take the skin he needed for the first graft.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Susannah Millar was the anaesthetist in charge of Jesse's medication, and sat, perched on a small stool keeping an ever watchful eye on her patient. He had been unconscious for almost six and a half hours before the last graft was begun and she was about to update them once more on the condition of her charge.

"Gentlemen, my patient is stable and still tolerating his anaesthetic well, do you know how much longer he will be required to be anaesthetized?"

"I have one more graft to go, maybe another hour and a half. I have already harvested the skin."

"That's fine, thank you, Doctor." Susannah made herself a little more comfy on the stool and looked back down at the young man under her care.

Marlon waved a scalpel in acknowledgement of her words, and she could see that his concentration was immediately as complete as it had been before she spoke.

Finally, after Jesse had been on the operating table for almost eight hours, the last set of basting sutures had been put in, and the pressure dressing applied, the orderlies took him back out of the theatre the way he had come in and Marlon, Jonah and Susannah, as well as the other theatre staff, let out a collective sigh of relief.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The procedure to remove the wood from Jo had taken longer than any of them would have hoped. The muscles surrounding each piece had tightened so that they were held in a vice-like grip. Wil had removed knives and other weapons from patients before, the most notable being Alex Martin a couple of years earlier, and, as long as they were careful, and the blade wasn't designed to cause further damage, or wasn't in a vital organ, they did little or no more harm taking them out than had already been done putting them in. That hadn't been the case this time. The main pieces had been removed with a great deal of effort, but they had left splinters of various sizes in the wound, some deeper than others, and by the time he had been sure that every piece had been removed they had been in the operating room for over three hours.

The notes that had been sent down with the patient had been written by Mark Sloan, and so Wil had glanced at her hand but had done nothing to it. The back of her head was another matter though, and he knew that she would need some skin grafts to cover up the raw wound where she had lost her hair.  Mark had cleaned it a little in the ER, but it needed the sterile conditions of the OR to be flushed out. He had just begun this when they hit a problem.

The anaesthetist had expressed concern at the condition of his patient and the decision had been made to just make sure that the wound was as clean as could be and reassess the situation in twenty-four hours.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Daniel had finally fallen asleep in Steve's arms as night drew in. The room was dark and quiet, nobody had anything to say, but nobody could leave, not even to stretch their legs in the hallway. Alex had returned at the end of his shift and was sitting quietly, a cup of coffee warming his hands. Mark, knowing that Amanda would be suffering the guilt pangs of being a mother and a partner had gone to relieve her so that she could go home and reassure her children before she returned to her vigil.

It was this silent scene that greeted Wil as he entered the doctor's lounge, still in his sweat soaked scrubs, knowing that there were anxious people that he needed to see before he could shower and head for home.

Steve went to stand up as he saw the doctor open the door, disturbing his son in the process. Daniel peered bleary eyed for a moment and then realised that at last he could find out about his mom.

"Steve?" Wil looked at the man in front of him, he had treated him for a gunshot wound in the past and found him to be a genuinely pleasant guy and his heart went out to him.

Steve nodded his head. "How is she, Wil? Can we go see her? Is she gonna be all right?"

"Ok, first of all, she survived the surgery, she will need more, but for now she is in recovery, and will be transferred to the ICU in a little while, then you can go see her." Wil smiled a little as he spoke. He wasn't sure who the young boy was, but he seemed very close to the big man in front of him. "I wish I could tell you that she is going to be all right, but as of now I don't know. We stopped the surgery because she had cardiac arrhythmia and the anaesthetist was worried about her, is still worried about her; he's with her in recovery. We will reassess the situation in the morning, but she will need the extra surgery for skin grafts."

Steve had his eyes closed as Wil finished speaking, but he looked directly at the man as he considered his words. "My dad said she would be ok, are you telling me different?" The words were accusing and they stung the doctor.

"I'm telling you that she had problems in surgery that your father couldn't have known about, and we will reassess the situation in the morning." Wil hadn't meant his words to be hard but he was unable to keep the strain out of them.

Steve had the grace to look down for a moment before continuing. "I'm sorry, Wil, I know you have done all that you can." Steve was silent as he tried to keep his emotions under better control. "Wil, this is our foster son, Daniel, can you let him know what to expect when we go up to ICU?"

Wil tried not to look shocked, but he would never have guessed that the boy was Steve Sloan's son. "Uh, yeah, ok. Daniel?" He wasn't sure he had heard right, and didn't want to call the child by the wrong name.

"That's me." Daniel tried a smile, but it wasn't very successful.

"Ok, well, your … mom?" He paused again, but both Steve and Daniel nodded, and he continued, "she will be on a ventilator, so even if she were conscious, which she won't be, she'd be unable to talk. There will be a heart monitor and she will be hooked up to a couple of IV's, one for the antibiotics she needs to prevent any infection, the other will be giving her nutrients, there will be a high protein compound, and vitamins and minerals. She'll need them to keep her body strong enough to put up with everything we are putting her through."

"Can … Can I hold her hand?" Daniel was already having trouble keeping tears at bay and Wil knew that the whole experience may be too much for the youngster.

"Yes, of course and talk with her. She may even remember it later, sometimes things filter through, although that is more if people are in a coma, and your mom certainly isn't in one of those." _Thank God._

"Doctor Collins, could I have a word with you?" Steve gently disentangled himself from Daniel, "I'll be right back, ok?" The boy just nodded his head and, grateful that he didn't question him further, Steve moved over towards the coffee machine. "I don't think that Daniel can handle very much more today," Steve's voice was hushed, but full of emotion, "I'll take him to see his mom and then I plan to take him home."

"I think that would be the best thing, and, I would suggest that you stay with him… No, hear me out, what he sees is going to be very traumatic for him, he may well have bad dreams about it, and will need you. Steve, she won't wake up until at least mid morning, maybe not even then. You will gain nothing by staying here tonight except a stiff neck and back, and a very upset son."

Steve sighed and closed his eyes for a second. He had never before been in the position where he had to consider anyone but himself. Not in every day life, he had always tried to be helpful and thoughtful, but in an emergency situation he had been able to go where he needed to go, do what he had to do, without it impinging on anybody else, but now he wanted to be with two of the most important people in his life, and he had to make a choice. He knew that what Wil said was correct, Jo would be asleep until the morning at least, Daniel would be home, worried and vulnerable, he guessed that there was no choice to be made after all. "Ok, thank you. If I go home … and … and anything happens, you'll call me, right?" Steve watched the doctor nod his head. "Do you think we can go up yet?"

"I'll just check for you."

"Wil?" Steve called him back before he had even moved.

"Could you find out about some of the others? Jesse, Ron, Rae? There was an FBI guy who had a terrible chest injury, and Martin, oh, God." For a moment the room and the situation seemed to move away from Steve, and he felt the whole earth shift around him.

"Dad!" Daniel's arm was suddenly there, trying to hold him up, and then he heard Wil's voice.

"Steve, sit, there's a chair behind you, just let yourself down onto it and lower your head for a while, that's it, now, breath slowly and carefully, in … out … that's it, and again, in … out …" Wil had Steve's wrist beneath his fingers, taking his pulse, whilst still speaking in a rhythmic, almost sing song way. He noticed that Daniel had his arm around his father's shoulder and was gently and, Wil was sure, completely unconsciously, rubbing his hand up and down in a gesture that showed the doctor just how close the two of them were.

As Steve had realised just how many people had been involved and subsequently injured in what had happened that day he felt himself sliding into a daze, and his head had spun. The feel of Daniel's hand on his arm had helped him find his centre again, and when Wil had begun to treat him he had just obeyed everything he said, now the world was coming back into focus, and so he raised his head. "Thank you, both of you, and I'm sorry." Steve looked round; he had been so concerned with what Wil had been saying he had ignored Cheryl and Alex ever since the other doctor had entered the room. "Cheryl, I'm sure there will be news of Martin real soon."

Cheryl smiled and then she stood up and moved over to where her ex-partner was sitting. As Wil Collins straightened back up she crouched down. "Steve, you have enough to worry about, go see Jo and then take your family home. Please, God, we will all still be here in the morning, and if not, whether you like it or not, you being home instead of here isn't going to make that much difference."

Steve stood up himself then, and as Cheryl followed suit, to her amazement he took her into his arms and hugged her. "You make sure that you tell that man of yours that he'll have me to answer to if there is any trouble, ok?" His voice was gruff, and Cheryl, more touched than she could have ever imagined by what he had just said and done, nodded her head and then moved away.

Wil, satisfied that Steve was ok once more, and knowing that Alex would take care of him anyway, had left the room and made his way to the reception desk in the ER.

"Could you check on the patients who were brought in from the Murietta Avenue incident this afternoon please, Nurse?"

"Yes, Doctor." The hallway was silent for a few minutes apart from the hushed tones of the nurse on the phone to various departments and wards around the hospital. Finally a piece of paper was handed to him, and after studying it for a while Wil made his way back towards the four anxious people in the doctor's lounge, but was stopped by Mark making his way to the same place, and for a minute or two they could be seen deep in conversation.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Much to Dane's surprise Rae had woken up just after ten in the evening, not rested, but fretful from her ordeal and fearful of what had happened since. As soon as she had shown signs of stirring Dane had pressed the buzzer and asked the nurse who answered it to check if Doctor Martin could attend his patient. It had been ten minutes before the young man had arrived, and in that time Rae had gradually begun to return to the cruel world that her sleep had taken her away from.

While she had been sleeping Rae had been on her back, her injured hands raised high in slings above the bedclothes, white in their bandaged covers. Alex studied her as she struggled through the final stages between sleeping and waking, anxiously watching as the pain returned to her features. He moved a little closer so that she would be aware of his presence.

"Rae? Honey, can you hear me?" Alex stole a glance at Dane, remembering how the man had disliked their close relationship only a day or so earlier, but this time there was no reaction.

"Alex?" Her voice was faint, and he could tell that her throat was dry. He placed a couple of ice slivers onto her tongue.

"Better?" Alex watched as she began to nod her head.

"Arghhh." The pain that crossed Rae's face and the cry of anguish that accompanied it chilled him to the bone.

"Rae, Honey, what happened?"

That one movement had taken even the small amount of strength that she had seemed to have just seconds before, and she was no longer lying back on the pillows, but collapsed against them.

"No … Alex, please … no!" The horror in Rae's voice only served to fuel his feeling of dread. He reached out gently, placed his hand underneath her right wrist and lifted it tenderly, just an inch in the sling.

"Arghhh, NO! Don't, Alex, no, please … no … not again… Put them down … please put them down." Rae was devoid of all colour, her breathing became ragged, and he knew that he would lose her into the darkness if he didn't hurry. Reaching over Alex pulled the oxygen mask from its stand and put it over her face, seeing the terror in her eyes, but hardening his heart in order to ignore it.

"Ok, let the mask do its job, take it in, Rae, slowly and deeply. As soon as you get under control I can take it away… It's all right… shhh… it's all right… They have to stay up … shhh, I'll give you some pain relief … But we don't know yet… I'll book some tests… close your eyes… nothing is certain… in … and out, deeply… in … and out." 

The same sing song tone that had worked with Steve began to cut through her panic and gradually Rae responded to the voice of the man beside her, but she knew he was lying, they both recognised the signs, and they weren't good.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The door to Jo's room was closed, and Steve and Daniel looked at each other, gaining strength as they did so, allowing Wil to move inside the room before them. Steve had tried to brace himself, knowing that seeing his wife lying on a ventilator would be hard not only for him, but for his son, and also knowing that he would need to be strong for both of them, but she looked so vulnerable, so ill, that he had paused in the doorway, not sure if he could enter.

"Dad?" Daniel looked into his father's eyes, and was concerned by what he saw. Suddenly he realised that he needed to be as strong for his dad as he needed his dad to be for him, and so, taking him by the hand, he smiled. "I guess we need to do this together."

The paternal pride that rushed through Steve brought him out of his stupor and, as his son had said, they moved into the room, together.

Jo was lying on a hospital bed, but not the normal type, and instead of there just being the noise of the ventilator Steve could hear the sound of a motor. He must have looked puzzled because Wil smiled at him. "Your wife is lying on a flexicair air mattress, the sound you can hear is the pump which is providing a constant airflow. It's designed to relieve pressure and prevent bed sores, but when there are serious back wounds we tend to use them for that too."

"Back wounds?"  The puzzlement on Steve's face was now evident in his voice. "I don't understand."

"Steve, everybody who was injured today, apart from Rae, has shrapnel wounds, some to their fronts, some to their backs. Your wife had two large pieces in her upper body, which I removed, but I don't want her putting any pressure on the stitches, or the areas surrounding them. This way we can monitor the condition of her injuries and, if this bed doesn't seem to be doing the trick, then there are three or four others we can try."

Steve just nodded, his brain was overloaded with information as it was, but he knew that when he came back tomorrow he would be in a better frame of mind to take it all in.

Daniel let go of Steve's hand and moved a little closer, looking at Wil as he did so. He saw the doctor nod his head and so, feeling a little bolder, he sat in the chair next to Jo's head and gently placed his hand over hers. Then he let his breath out, and relaxed slightly in the seat.

Steve moved behind him and placed his hands on his son's shoulders, and watched as the ventilator moved up and down, up and down, and the display peaked and fell on the heart monitor. He was aware of Wil taking a couple of readings, and then felt him touch his arm.

"I'll be in the hospital for about another thirty minutes, I would suggest you should be going about the same time as me."

"Yeah, I guess. Thanks, Wil." Steve spoke almost absently, and the doctor looked at the three occupants of the room for a few more seconds before leaving them alone together.

There was another chair against the wall of the room and Steve pulled it over and sat next to Daniel. Jo was lying, her eyes closed, with the ventilator tube going into the right side of her mouth. Her long hair was cleaner than it had been, and Steve realised that it would have been washed to remove the dust and dirt that could cause infection. He could see a wound membrane, he thought they were called, stretched over the back of Jo's head, and he remembered that Wil had said she would need to go back to the OR for skin grafts. Finally, reluctantly, Steve looked down at Jo's left hand. He knew what he would see, but even so the sight of her with just a thumb and three fingers was almost too much to bear. Tentatively he reached out and ran his own finger across the back of her hand, shutting his eyes on the tears that threatened him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Mark had spoken with Wil for a few minutes and then made his way back to the doctor's lounge. Ron was sleeping peacefully, and he knew that in the circumstances Amanda would understand him being someplace else for a while.

Mark had been sitting with Ron, trying to comprehend what could make one human being be so cruel to another, when a nurse he had a great deal of respect for, Lila Norley, had come to see him. Now he was going to break some devastating news to an old friend.

Cheryl had walked with Mark up to the ICU, although she had no recollection of doing so. The room that he took her into was cool and quiet and Martin was lying completely at peace. She walked slowly up to the bed and pulled a chair up and underneath her. Then carefully she took his hand in her own and began to sob.


	48. Interrogation

**Interrogation**

It was just after three in the morning that the night air of the ICU was shattered by the shrill noise of alarms sounding, and then footsteps running in the direction of one of the rooms. The voices were low but anxious and then the sounds were replaced by the murmur of people doing their best to save one of their patients.

Cheryl raised her head from where she had fallen asleep and looked towards the door, Mark was gone, but she could see a piece of paper on the chair where he had been sitting. Kissing Martin's hand she stood up stiffly and, grateful for the chance to stretch her legs, moved over and picked it up.

_Cheryl,_

_I didn't want to leave you without saying something, but even in your bent up position I figured you needed your rest. I am going to go sit with Rae in room 120 if you need me. Jesse is out of surgery now and so his dad is with him._

_Be strong, my dear, _

_Mark._

Even in her grief Cheryl smiled and then she folded the paper up and put it into her pocket. The ICU was quiet again now, and she didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad. Martin was laying just as he had been when she'd stood up which wasn't surprising. Mark had explained things to her, and she knew that there was a large possibility that he would remain that way forever.

The piece of wood had pierced his skull, and although the operation to remove it had been a success he had lapsed into a coma, and was almost non responsive. Cheryl was trying to remain positive. She knew that Martin would be checked again in the morning, and there may be some change by then.

Mark had left Cheryl once he could see that she was asleep. The prognosis for her lover and current work partner was not good, and he had tried to explain things as kindly as possible. The grief in her eyes had stayed with him as he walked towards Rae's room, and he knew that unless there was a rapid improvement then their short relationship would be all that she and Martin would have.

Mark was surprised to see that Rae was awake when he got there, and once he had said hello he immediately checked her chart.

"Rae, you are due some medication, do you want me to get it for you?"

"No, thank you." Rae's voice was tight, and he knew that she was hurting. "Mark, Dane is gone, so Jesse must be out of surgery, I wanted to go see him, but … but I couldn't reach the buzzer, please, Mark." The tone of Rae's voice almost broke his heart, but he looked at the bandages on her hands, and shook his head. 

"You ought to wait for Alex to come back on duty." He knew instantly that his argument wasn't going to work.

"No, Mark, please, what if … what if I don't have that long to go see him?" The tears stood in Rae's eyes, but she closed her lids, and Mark could see the force with which she forbade them to fall.

"Rae, your hands are held up for a reason, and it is really too soon for you to have them down on your lap. If you don't keep them as they are then you run the risk of edema. That can increase the possibilities of burn wound infection and cellulitis." Mark hadn't realised the seriousness of Rae's injuries, and he knew that the next 48 hours would be difficult for her not only with Jesse's problems but her own too. He checked her chart again as something niggled at his brain, and he was concerned to see that Alex had ordered an MRI as a high priority. "Rae, do you have pain in your neck and shoulders now?" Mark sat in the chair next to Rae's bed, and noticed that she didn't turn to face him.

"I do, but I'm trying not to think about it and it doesn't seem quite so bad right now. A lot has happened to me today, or I guess it was yesterday, I can't even begin to get it sorted out in my brain, but I'll have a couple of hours inside that open ended coffin, that should give me time to put my thoughts in order…Mark, let me see Jesse, just for a few minutes, then I promise I'll come back here, take some medication and sleep."

"You know that's blackmail, don't you?" Mark smiled at her, and was relieved to see just a little curl to her lips.

"It works for Ana, so I figured I would try it on you, sort of 'eat your greens and I'll tell you a story', for adults."

Mark chuckled as he listened to his friend and then he nodded his head. "Ok, I'm gonna put a note on your chart to say what I'm doing, and you will have half an hour out of bed, no more. If your hands or arms feel any different in any way, tingling, throbbing, whatever, you have to tell me, and we'll come back. No covering up, Rae, the consequences would be way too serious." 

"I know, I promise, I'll do as you say." Rae could tell by Mark's tone and his expression that he was going against his better judgement by even allowing her to take her arms out of the slings. "You are gonna have to help me though."

The transfer from the bed to the chair had been a painful one for Rae, and she had sat, exhausted as she was pushed along the quiet corridors. The IV stand attached to the side of her chair moving slightly as they turned the corners. Mark had tried to fix the slings to the chair, but Rae had asked him not to, she wanted to touch her husband, feel his skin against hers, and she knew she wouldn't be able to do so if the slings were in place.  Finally, almost a quarter of an hour after she had begun her adventure, Rae found herself in the hallway outside Jesse's room. Suddenly she was afraid, not only of what she would see the other side of the door, but how she would react, whether she would be able to keep the tentative hold that she had on her emotions for a little longer.

"Rae, are you ok?" Mark's voice cut through her deliberations and she let them go.

"Yes, thank you." She saw him come into her eye line and then his hand as it opened the door, the wheels turned, and for a moment Rae felt completely paralysed. Jesse was lying on his back, his arm was raised as her own had been. She could see the red patch on his head where she imagined his hair must have been pulled from, and then further down the bedclothes were raised where there was a cage protecting his legs and the bed was also raised that end.  He was attached to a ventilator, and the rhythmic whooshing seemed to give the room an air of calm that was nowhere near the feelings that Rae was experiencing. She could see three IV's hooked up, but worst of all was the lack of any spark, there was nothing to show that it was her Jesse. It was just a shell, and for a second she lowered her lids, trying to hear his voice, his laugh, see him in her mind's eye, vital and alive. Then she looked at him once more, and knew that without the medical expertise of the hospital and the love and devotion of his family he may never be that way again.

Rae raised her eyes and looked at her father-in-law. He seemed as stunned by it all as she was, and the smile she tentatively gave him was returned with a sigh.

"Rae, do you want me to push you nearer?"

She could tell from Mark's voice that he had already asked the question once. "Sorry, Mark, yes, please." He did as he was told, and Jesse's hand was soon next to her white covered ones, and the realisation that she couldn't even touch him was almost too much for her to bear. "Mark, please, help me, help me feel him." For a moment Mark didn't understand what she was saying, but then he looked at her and it became clear to him. He moved carefully round the back of the chair and lifted Jesse's hand and placed it just above the end of her own bandages. "Thank you, Mark."

Her friend rested his fingers gently on her hair and then with a nod in Dane's direction he moved out into the hallway, and was relieved when Jesse's dad did the same. Mark checked his watch and was surprised to see that Rae had already had over twenty minutes of her half hour. He decided to let her have five minutes uninterrupted time with her husband before he went to take her back to her own room, and as he saw her face through the window of the ICU suite he knew that whatever happened next, bringing her to see Jesse had been the right decision.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve stood looking at the fading stars from his veranda just after five thirty in the morning, thankful that living in Los Angeles meant he could do so without catching pneumonia. Daniel had called ahead on their way home from the hospital, and there had been not only a welcoming committee waiting for them, but hot chocolate and cookies too. Steve wasn't sure if he had been surprised that they were all still awake or not. Debs was looking very tired, and he guessed that the early stages of pregnancy were not being kind to her. She had kissed both himself and Daniel, whom she again called "_that poor, poor chil'"_ before heading wearily up the stairs. 

David had asked lots of questions about his sister, and then, once Steve had given him all the information that he had, the tall Texan had announced that he was going to spend the rest of the night at the hospital, and he would see Steve there in the morning. Michael had listened intently as David had quizzed his employer, but he had asked no questions himself.

Daniel hadn't wanted to sleep alone, and so, between them, Steve and Michael had made up the couch for him in the large master bedroom in the East wing. The hot chocolate had worked wonders to start with and Steve had slept for over five hours, which was five hours more than he had thought he would. Daniel was still fast asleep and Steve was glad that he seemed to be untroubled by nightmares. He knew that teenagers were resilient, but the boy had been through a lot in his fourteen short years, and they were supposed to be providing him with a stable home life. Still, he was happy and secure, and Steve knew that they would be able to build on what they had without too many problems. _Hope, you hope._ Steve corrected himself, and then stretching his arms up over his head for a moment he turned and feeling a shiver escape him he crawled back into bed for a few more minutes.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Michael gave Daniel another rasher of bacon and smiled at the young man. The situation was as serious as he could remember it being, but still it didn't put a dent in the fourteen year old's appetite. Debs had come down and shown Michael how to produce the cup of plain boiled water she planned to have for breakfast. Once he had managed to quell the temptation to just use the hot tap he had done exactly as she had instructed, and it was still wrong! He now had a post-it-note on his refrigerator informing him of the correct bottled water to purchase when he did the grocery shopping later that day.

Daniel had entered the kitchen just as Debs drained the last of her water, and he had stood, self conscious and impatient while she hugged him, smoothed down his hair and continued to describe him as a _poor chil'_ then she had kissed him on one cheek, patted the other and retired to the morning room.

Michael and Daniel had exchanged glances and then Michael had begun to cook the breakfast that the boy was now devouring. It was just after eight in the morning, and Michael had told Daniel that  Master David had called just over a half hour earlier to say that Miss Josephine had spent a quiet night, and would be re-assessed for surgery that afternoon. The decision had been made between the butler and Daniel to leave Steve where he was for as long as possible. David had said that he would stay at the hospital until he was relieved, and so for the time being Steve slept on.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Community General Hospital began to come back to life with the sun. The quiet hallways began to have staff members and patients traversing them, and in the Intermediate Care Unit Amanda watched as Ron showed signs of waking up. She pressed the buzzer and then tried to sit patiently and quietly so that she didn't scare him.

Ron moved his head and wished that he hadn't. He had the worst headache he could ever remember having, and he knew, just from the feel of the bed that he was in the hospital. As he lay there trying to work out how he had gotten where he was he became aware of the presence of someone with him, and so slowly he opened his eyes.

"Hey, you, how are you feeling?" Amanda desperately wanted to be the cool competent doctor she knew she was, but everything went out of the window, she was a worried relative, nothing more, right now.

"I have a headache." Ron, never one to use any more words that were absolutely necessary, looked at his fiancée and tried a smile. Once he realised that he could do that he began to squirm his way up the bed.

"Oh, no you don't, I have buzzed for the nurse; until she has seen you and then sent for Alex you are going nowhere, mister." Amanda knew that she sounded like a nag, but the worry she had felt was now mingled with the relief and it produced irrational anger.

Ron raised his arms in surrender. "Ok, ok. Actually I think it's a bad idea anyway, right now. I'll just close my eyes until the nurse arrives." With that Ron did as he had said he would and drifted slowly back off to sleep.

Cheryl had just got up to stretch her legs once more when a young nurse with jet black hair entered her room. She knew that she recognised her from somewhere, but for the moment her brain was too full of her own problems to even try to work it out.

"Detective Banks?" Cheryl nodded her head. "My name is Shannon Farley, we met at Steve and Jo's wedding. I need to check Detective Robertson's vital signs, but you don't have to leave."

Cheryl found that she was able to smile at the young woman in front of her, and then she stood back and watched as she gently went about her tasks, and was reassured by the way she spoke to Martin the whole time.

"Now, Detective, I need to check a few things, you will feel me, but none of it will hurt, I promise you that. If you want to stop me at any time, squeeze my hand or open your eyes, ok?" Shannon desperately wanted the young man in front of her to do just that, but she knew that realistically it wasn't a possibility, not yet at least.

Cheryl watched as Shannon, who, she remembered now, was going out with Alex Martin, took readings, checked Martin's IV's and talked quietly to him continually. Then she finished writing down the results on his chart, slid it back into the slot at the end of the bed and turned to face her patient once more. "Ok, I will be back in a couple of hours to do that again, but if you need me just buzz." Shannon smiled and then she looked at Cheryl. "Do you want to step outside for a moment?"

Cheryl looked worried, but she nodded and then the two women retired to the hallway. "What, have things changed, is he worse?" Cheryl tried to keep the panic out of her voice, but it wasn't working.

"No, no, he's not worse, but he might be able to hear us, and so I just wanted to talk to you outside." For a moment Shannon paused. "Alex will be along soon, and he'll check him over himself, and he's booked him in for an MRI this morning. Detective Banks, we know so little about head injuries, your boyfriend could just wake up, he could stay as he is, or somewhere in between. But everything will be done for him, to give him the best chance of recovery. Sometimes you will have to leave, sometimes you won't, but everything will be explained to you, I promise you that."

Cheryl wasn't sure why, but Shannon's words brought tears to her eyes, and for a moment she had to look away. She felt the young nurse's hand on her arm, and her resolve not to cry again weakened. "Thank you, and I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You both had a traumatic experience yesterday, and you are the one who has to sit, watch and wait. That is hard on anyone, but you don't have to do it alone, I hope you know that."

"Yeah, I do." As Cheryl spoke she saw Mark and Alex coming down the hallway and she indicated to Shannon. Cheryl's heart broke a little more as she saw the love in Alex's eyes as he looked at his girlfriend, and the way it was returned to him. A part of her, which she needed to bury away deep in her soul, wondered whether she would ever have her lover gaze at her that way again.

"Cheryl, Shannon, how are you this morning?"

Shannon waited for Cheryl to answer first, moving slightly away so that she could speak with Alex. 

"I'm fine, Mark, or as fine as I can be right now. I just wish …" Cheryl stopped, she couldn't find the words to express herself, but Mark seemed to understand, and he gently put his arm around her shoulders and drew her into a hug.

"Cheryl, Alex and Shannon have work to do here, let me take you for a coffee, ok?"

"No, no, I have to stay … I have to …"

"They'll page me if you're needed, I think that just for a few minutes you should concentrate on yourself." To Mark's relief she nodded slightly and he moved his arm so that he was gently supporting her back and began to walk slowly away from the young doctor and nurse who were now making their way into Martin's room.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had slept for the remainder of the night after Mark had taken her back to her room. She had been upset after she had seen Jesse, but he was still alive, and she had to believe that he would get better. She woke to the sound of a chair being pulled across the floor and opened her eyes with a start.

"I'm sorry, my dear, I didn't mean to frighten you."

"That's … that's ok." For a moment Rae gathered her thoughts, and then a question burst from her. "Jesse? You shouldn't be here, Dane… he's not …"

"No, no, he's still asleep, the doctor who operated on him, Doctor South came in to check on him, and they're keeping him sedated a little longer. But he seemed quite pleased with his progress; he took copious amounts of blood and then left."

Rae smiled a little bit. "I always think I must be missing a leg full when I have blood taken, but Jesse says that it isn't nearly as much as it looks in those syringe things." Rae allowed herself a small smile. "He's not out of the woods yet though, is he?"

Dane's expression grew grave. "No, he's not, but, apparently, the blood they took this morning will tell them whether the antibiotics are helping with his infection. And if they are then they will soon tell us. He's a fighter, from what I know of him." _Which is precious little really._ "And he loves you, Rae, and all you have given him; he won't give that up easily."

"Thank you." Rae leant back into her pillow; she was amazed at how tired she felt, gradually her eyes closed and she let herself drift back into the darkness.

It was just after lunch that the first of the casualties from the previous day was allowed to leave the hospital. Ron had suffered in silence as Alex had shone his little flashlight in his eyes, checked his blood pressure, and his wounds before declaring himself happy with his condition and discharging him on the understanding that he didn't spent more than three hours at work before heading home and not going back into work for a week.

The acceptance of the terms had been grudging, but in reality Ron knew that he wouldn't be able to cope with too long out of bed, although he was glad that Alex had understood his need to interview Don Werner. With Steve, Rae, Cheryl and Martin all out of commission, he was the only senior officer with a personal knowledge of the case.

Alex put the notes back at the end of Ron's bed and then he turned back to the man who, although he wouldn't describe as a friend, was someone he greatly admired. "Ron, I need to talk to you about one more thing."

"Sure, what's the problem?" Ron smiled at the young man. He didn't know him well, but he knew that Amanda rated his talents highly, and that both Steve and Rae were extremely fond of him.

"Ron, one of your agents died during the night." Alex knew that any sugar coating of the news would be unwelcome.

"I see, who was it?" Ron tightened his hands into fists. He had hoped that they had gotten through the operation without losing anyone.

"Jackson Manning. I'm sorry."

"He was a good agent, nice man. Thank you, Doctor." Ron knew he sounded dismissive, but that was how he felt. The whole case had sickened him from the moment he had been called in, and now he had lost one of his best men because of it. He wondered how he would tell Jackson's wife and family about his death. He knew that they would have been visited, and the news broken to them, but Jackson was his agent, and they had worked together since he had arrived in LA. He would go and visit with them, but he also knew that he wouldn't be able to tell them what he really felt about how their loved one had died.  Ron watched in silence as Alex turned and left the room, and then he slowly stood up and headed for his bathroom.

Rae had been fast asleep for the rest of the morning, and well into the afternoon, when there was a knock at her door and it had taken her a few moments to re-familiarise herself with where she was and what had happened. The first thing she knew was that she was lying in an incredibly uncomfortable position, but as she tried to move into a more satisfactory pose the pain that shot through her reminded her what had happened. For a moment she had trouble catching her breath, but gradually she was able to concentrate on other things. Opening her eyes Rae came face to face with a stranger.

"Detective Yeager?" 

"Yes?" Rae began to realise that she had seen the man before, that something in the recesses of her brain was nagging away.

"My name is Doctor Burns; we met when you were considering surgery for the brachial plexus injury you suffered."

Rae smiled. "I kept a pain diary for you."

"That's right. I have arranged for you to have an MRI test in about an hour, or rather Doctor Martin and I have arranged it. If you would be kind enough to tell me what happened, we can take things from there."

Gradually, as the hours passed, the patients who had been injured the day before were checked and re-assessed. Three further FBI agents were sent home, and soon the only patients remaining were Jesse, Jo and Martin in ICU and Rae who was in a private room. David had returned to Steve and Jo's house to be replaced at his sister's bedside by her husband. Dane was joined by his ex-wife as they sat, watching and waiting for their only child to respond to the treatment he was being given, and Rae, lying in the 'open ended coffin', tried to come to terms with the pain she was feeling, and her inability to be with the man she loved.

Cheryl had spent the day with Martin, returning to his side after a quick coffee and a Danish with Mark. Alex and Shannon had just been leaving the room, and she had been gratified that she had arrived back in time for her lover to have spent no time alone.

Steve had sat with Rae for a little while before going to Jo's room, but now, as the night drew in again, at her own request, she was alone. She had a lot of emotions running round in her mind and she wanted to try to sort them out. 

Ron had left the hospital with Amanda who had driven him to North Hollywood police station, walked with him into the homicide squad room and waited at Steve's desk until he had finished speaking with Captain Newman. Finally, after about thirty minutes he had come back over to her.

"I'm going to interview Werner now, and then, I promise you I will come straight home."

"Oh, I know that, because in two and a half hours I will be here to collect you." Amanda smiled and Ron stared at her for a moment before he felt a grin pull at his face.

"Ok, you win; I will try to be finished by the time you get back. If not though, I reserve the right to re-call this witness tomorrow!"

Amanda laughed and touched him gently on the hand. The back of it was cut and scraped, and she wanted to kiss it better, but she knew that could wait until later.

"I'll see you soon, councillor." She stood up, pulled her t-shirt down a little and then walked out of the room. Ron watched her until she disappeared from sight, and with a sigh he pulled himself back to the moment.

Don Werner had been brought up from the holding cells where he had been since the previous day. He was, as Ron had expected, sullen and non-cooperative, and showing the signs of his encounter with Steve.

Once Ron had completed the formalities he had sat with his hands on the table in front of him and stared at the man he knew to be guilty of heinous crimes. "Why did you kidnap Josephine Sloan and Jesse Travis?"

The large policeman and his lawyer sat in silence looking at Ron, and he moved his hands into his lap so that his rising anger at the accused man's non communication didn't become too apparent.

"Detective Werner, you have been charged with four counts of murder, two of attempted murder, kidnapping, grievous bodily harm, do you have nothing to say for yourself?"

Again there was silence and so Ron carried on talking. "You have been charged with the abduction and murder of your wife Gwen Werner, Detective Neil Crosier, Dennis Harris and FBI Agent Joel Manning. You have also been charged with the abduction and attempted murder of Mrs Josephine Sloan and Doctor Jesse Travis, as well as other lesser charges. Do you have anything to say in your defence?"

For another minute Don Werner sat looking Ron square in the eye, and then gradually, as he finally realised that everything was over, was finished, he lowered his gaze and began to talk.

"I thought he was my friend. We did things together, went fishing, I kept my stuff in his lock up. We went up to Big Bear, him, me and Leroy."

"Leroy?" Ron interrupted, not really wanting to, but needing the connection established between this man and the guy Steve had shot as he tried to take Rae hostage.

"Leroy Raab. While we were there Crosier ate something he shouldn't and stayed at the cabin while Lee and me went shooting. When we got back he was talking on his cell, to a woman, we just laughed. He always had at least two women on the go at once, and we thought it was funny that he couldn't even go a coupla days without calling. Well, later while we were sitting outside, just hanging y'know, his phone rang again but he ignored it. Leroy picked it up and handed it to him, and he saw that the screen said Crystal and the number. He recognised the number and the name. Crystal was his girl."

The room went silent again for a while, and Ron wondered whether that was all there was. But then, almost as if he was working out all his words before he began to speak, Don mouthed sentences for a minute or two and started talking again.

"I thought he was gonna kill him right there. Leroy flew at him, called him everything you could think of and Crosier just grinned at him. He should never have done that. Lee, he knew a lot about what Crosier did. His scams, his stoolies, and he crucified him. He wanted him out of the force, and he wanted Crystal back. I told him that there was no way he should take that little tramp back, that if she'd done it once she'd do it again, and then one day he came in to work and said that Crosier had married her, he'd taken Crystal to Reno and they had come back man and wife."

Werner retreated again into his silent world and Ron took the chance to check his watch. He only had just over an hour left, and he needed to know why he had killed his own wife, as well as take Jo and Jesse and he didn't want to wait until the next day or, more likely, the next week to get his information.

"You've told me why Raab should have killed Crosier, but not why you did."

Don Werner raised his head and his eyes bore into Ron's. For a moment the FBI Agent felt threatened, but then he regained his composure and just stared back.

"He wasn't satisfied with Crystal, so took her from me, my Gwen, bit by bit. I just decided to return the favour."

Ron felt his blood run cold, and he knew that he wasn't dealing with a man but a ruthless, remorseless killer, who, if they hadn't found him would never have stopped kidnapping, mutilating and murdering those he felt had slighted him.

"And the letters, why did you send Lieutenant Sloan the letters?" Ron wondered whether Don Werner would answer him, but he needn't have worried, now that he had begun to unburden himself the large man across the table seemed unable to stop.

"He thought he was just so clever, so superior, and he just _knew_ that his department was better than mine. He had a homicide evening at his restaurant, was I invited? Was I included? No. I went there that night, and he kicked me out! Told me that I could come another night, but all those other cops were there, all eating and drinking and enjoying themselves, he wouldn't even let me stay for a beer."

"And that's why you sent the letters, why you took his wife?"

"No! I sent him the letters because of what he did, yeah, but that tramp, I didn't even think about her until I saw that picture. I knew she was having a party, and I knew I could get to Mr. Super Cop even more by making sure the letter was found at the hotel, but that was all." Don stopped talking and a smile flashed across his face.

"I don't see what is so funny about any of this."

"Am I telling you the truth, Agent Wagner? Will you ever know the answer?"

Ron clenched his fists under the table, using the pain it caused, as the scratches on his hands stretched, to fire himself up and not succumb to the pressure this man was putting him under.

"So, if it wasn't an attack on Lieutenant Sloan, why did you kidnap his wife?"

"I came to the house you know, did you know that? I was going to leave another letter, and I saw her come out of her house and get into the car of that man, the one who is married to Yeager, the doctor!" He spat the title out with such venom that Ron was no longer in any doubt why Jesse had been so badly injured. "And I just knew that she was as big a tramp as my Gwen. Stevie was just as much a victim as I was and so I thought I would do him a favour, take her out and her lover, do him and his English partner a big favour. Maybe then they would have a little respect for me." 

Ron resisted the temptation to close his eyes. This man really thought that he was helping Steve and Rae; he had no doubt that he was sincere in his demented reasoning. As he looked into the brown flint like eyes he vowed that he would give the DA every ounce of evidence he could to make sure that this man never saw anything other than the inside of a cell ever again.


	49. Recovery?

**Recovery?******

**_One Month Later_**

****

Rae sat on a chair in the hallway outside Jesse's room, Anneya in her stroller beside her. The little girl was twelve months old now and she was already walking and investigating things. She liked looking at books, and the mobile that hung above her crib the most. She still didn't make very many sounds, but was always interested in anything happening in front of her. Everything that wasn't nailed down had been moved up where not only could she not reach it, but Rae couldn't either, and she didn't want to think too closely about the afternoon she had caught her eldest child sat on the kitchen floor with ground salt and pepper all around her, the smaller mill, which lived on the back of one of the kitchen counters, still in her hands and Anneya sitting just in front of her sister watching her every move! 

There was just the two of them waiting together; Eliana had gone with Sally to the park at the end of Rae's road. She always wanted to climb all over her, and so Rae had decided to split her girls up.

Now though, Anneya was fast asleep, and, it seemed, for the first time in a fortnight, Rae had time to think. Jesse and Martin were still in the hospital, but Texas had been home for a week. Rae closed her eyes for a moment, and let her mind drift back to the third day she had been in the hospital herself. She was waiting, impatiently, for the results of her MRI scan, and was anxious to see not only her husband but her children.

As Rae sat there she could hear Alex's words in her mind.

_"Hey, Rae, do you want to go see Jesse through the window in a little while?" Alex had been smiling broadly, and even though Rae had felt pretty ill at the time she had found it so contagious that she was soon joining him._

_"Well, yeah, but I didn't think I could, not yet." Rae found her heart had suddenly begun to beat wildly. "Did you get my results?"_

_Alex had just nodded, and then he had sat in the chair next to her and taken her hand in his own. "You didn't damage your brachial plexus this time." _

_Rae had leant back into the pillows, overcome momentarily by what she had just heard. "You mean the pain will just go away and I'll be like I was before?" She recognised the hope in her words, and knew that Alex would too._

_"Well, sort of. You still have a lot of pain and swelling but," Alex had waited, and she could tell he knew she was desperate to butt in. Rae had smiled and indicated with a white-bandaged hand for him to continue. "But, there are other things we haven't tried; including pain management, manipulation, massage. But the MRI was very encouraging."_

_"So, can I go home now?"_

_"No, but by the end of the week, another three days probably, ok? You still have a temperature and I want you to finish the anti-biotics before you leave." The infection Rae had got had been unexpected and debilitating. She had suddenly begun to feel weak and feverish while having her MRI and she had to admit that she had been glad to be in the hospital._

_"Yeah, that's fine, and I can sit with Jesse until then?"_

_"Not yet, you need to get the infection under control, Rae, you know we can't risk Jesse, he's so weak already, but like I said, through the glass."_

_"I know, and I will wait, I promise."_

Rae came back to the present as she thought about her husband. He had been having his grafts checked while Alex had been visiting with her, and she had realised later that the young doctor had waited until he knew she would be worrying more than normal about him before coming and giving her something of her own to think about. There was no doubt about it he was going to be a very good doctor, for a long time.

Rae was still concerned about herself, her neck and shoulders were painful, and she seemed to have an almost constant headache. She had seen Alex that morning about it, and he was going to arrange for her to come back into the hospital the following day, while Michael looked after the girls. So far she had tried massage and manipulation, and whilst the former had been wonderful and made her feel a million dollars, it hadn't diminished the pain. The manipulation hadn't hurt, although she had been certain that it would, but it hadn't worked completely either, and so now she was going to have it done again, hoping that it would make all the difference. 

Rae had been back into the precinct a couple of times since she had gotten out of the hospital, and as much as she was enjoying the company of her daughters, her mind was screaming at her to be back at work. With a sigh Rae looked down at her little girl. She looked like an angel, with her thumb in her mouth, her hair, getting lighter by the day, framing her face. Already she was a very complicated child, moody, stubborn and she definitely wanted to be the boss over Eliana. She had been a quiet but contented little soul until she had started to walk at eleven months and then she had changed. She was still quiet, but suddenly, she could get to her sister, touch what she had, do what she did, and she had become, well, the boss, Rae couldn't think of any other description. She was also a daddy's girl, and whereas Ana was likely to get hysterically excited every time she saw either her mommy or her Uncle Steve, Anneya saved it all for Jesse. Rae smiled; she knew that having her daddy home was going to delight her daughter, as much as she showed her delight that was, it was almost as if she already wanted to be mysterious, keep her innermost feelings to herself. 

Jesse was no longer in the ICU, and Rae knew that it was in part thanks to Alex again that this was the case. The toxic strep that Jesse had picked up while he was held by Werner had invaded his whole body, and it had been touch and go for a long time as to whether he would actually pull through. Alex had been determined though that there was no way he was going to let his friend and colleague die, and he had tried every available treatment to save him. But it had been when he had finally been able to use the latest drugs on the market that they had begun to see a response from Jesse.

Jesse's mom had been impressed and amazed when she had found that her son was being treated with intravenous immunoglobulin, or as she had called it IVIG. She had explained to Rae and Dane that although it had produced startling results it wasn't something that was in widespread use. It had seemed to work because as soon as it began to get into Jesse's system he had begun to improve.

It hadn't prevented one of the more disgusting symptoms of the disease from occurring though, and Jesse had lost the outer skin layers from his hands and his feet. The skin, especially on the hand of his injured arm had been black and Rae had been relieved to see the new, pink skin a couple of days later, without any scaring of any kind. The best memory though had been when Jesse had regained consciousness. It had been late at night, fourteen days after the explosion that, finally, she had got her husband back. Because of the success of the IVIG Alex had reduced his sedation as his condition improved. Rae had been sitting, because of the meds she was on, not in any pain, alone in the room. Jesse's mom and dad had sat with him all day, and they had both gone off to get some well deserved sleep, and Rae had been miles away, remembering happier times when she had become aware of movement beside her.

_"Jesse?" She had been relieved that her voice had come out strong and unwavering. "Jesse, Honey, can you hear me?"_

_He had let out a soft low moan, and Rae had run a finger down his cheek, hoping that he would feel it and turn to her. She still had bandages on both hands, but they weren't as bulky and intrusive as they had been and were due to be removed in the next day or so._

_"Rae… Rae'll come… urgh… hurts… Rae." As he spoke, in a voice so weak that Rae had to struggle to hear him, he had moved slightly in the bed, and the pain that had crossed his pale features had torn at her._

_"Shhh, Baby, it's ok, Mark will help you." Rae had pressed the buzzer, knowing that Alex was off duty, but Jesse's friend and mentor would be the one to come. She had been right, and just a couple of minutes later he had entered the room, looked quizzically at Rae and moved to the head of the bed, opposite where Rae had been sitting._

_"He called out for me, Mark, and he said it hurt." _

_"Ok. Jesse, can you hear me?"_

_Jesse had begun breathing on his own just a few days before, and there was a mobile ventilator right by the bed. Mark picked up the mask and laid it close to hand, in case the pain he was in caused panic. Rae had smiled in gratitude as Mark had explained everything to her as he did it._

_Slowly the two friends watched as Jesse had struggled his way to the surface, saw him fight through the pain barrier, knowing that they would be able to help him once he opened his eyes._

_"Rae?" His voice was weak still, but a little stronger than before, although he said just one word._

_"I'm here."_

_"I knew… I knew you would be." He had coughed then, and carefully, speaking all the while to keep him calm, Rae had put just a couple of ice slivers on his tongue.  Still Jesse hadn't opened his eyes, and Rae was almost afraid to wonder why. As she sat there waiting, Rae thought back to the times that she had been in the hospital, and she began to figure out why he lay so still and quiet._

_"Jesse, you're safe now. Mark is here, you're in Community General, it's over, Honey, it's all over." This time there was no hiding the tears in her voice, and she swallowed them down furiously. There would be plenty of opportunity to cry later, but right now Jesse needed her to be strong._

_He still looked so pale, so empty as he lay there, and she needed him to open his eyes, needed them to put the life back into him, but still nothing happened._

_"Jess?__ Did you hear me, Honey? It's over. You're safe, __Texas__ is safe too."_

_This time there was a response, Jesse's hands tightened into fists, but the movement caused pain and he cried out._

_"Jesse, relax, let your hands relax." Mark began to speak, he too was concerned that Jesse didn't seem to want to open his eyes, and so he spoke a little more sternly than he had planned, but at the sound of his voice, to the relief of both of them Jesse had done just that._

_"Mark?" His eyelids had just fluttered to start with, and then slowly he had begun to focus. His blue eyes though had instantly brought her Jesse back. His face found the life it had lacked, and Rae swallowed at the lump in her throat, knowing that whatever else they had to face, she had her husband back._

The next two weeks hadn't been easy for Jesse, once he had regained enough strength to stay awake for more than a few minutes at a time, he had begun to remember.  The medication meant that he slept peacefully at nights, and he was healing, or at least his wounds were, but Rae knew that once he came home, hopefully later that day, life would be very difficult for all of them.

Jesse was as weak as a kitten because of the infection that had ravaged his body, and his mind was so full of demons that Rae was frightened he would never rid himself of all of them. Alex came out of the room and Rae's heart sank, she knew from his face that her husband wouldn't be coming home with her today.

"Alex?"

"Rae, I want to keep him in just another night. He's so frail, I don't know that you would be able to cope with him, I'm gonna arrange for a nurse to be assigned to his care, but I won't be able to get it done for today, it'll be tomorrow at the earliest."

"Alex, please, let us have tonight together at home before the nurse comes. I have to come back tomorrow; she can get him settled into her ways while I'm here. My hands are ok, and I promise I won't lift him or anything like that. We can get a paramedic to put him right to bed, and if I need anything I'll get Steve or Michael to come over, please, we just need some time together."

Alex looked at her and softened his tone. "Rae, I'm worried about him, I'm worried about you too, I don't want either of you doing things you aren't ready for. Maybe it would be better if he went to rehab instead of home."

"No, Alex, don't do this to me, to him. We just need each other, it's all we've ever needed, please, please, let me try to reach him. He loves his house, I'm sure he will feel better when he knows he's home."

"Ok, Rae, but I will only do it under one set of circumstances." Alex paused, but Rae was waiting for him to speak, she had nothing more to say until she knew his terms. "I finish in an hour, I will come home with him in an ambulance, get him settled, but if I change my mind about it he comes straight back, ok?"

Rae nodded her head, wished she hadn't, and just grinned. "Yeah, thanks, Alex. I'll get a cab to take Anneya home and see you there. Can I just speak with Jesse first?"

"Of course, but not for long, ok? He needs to be prepared for transport… what?"

"You make him sound like an astronaut or, or a beached whale!" Rae smiled then and pushed the stroller into the room where her husband lay.

Alex turned round in the hallway and headed up to the intermediate care unit. He needed to check on Martin, and he knew that as it was just after three in the afternoon Cheryl would be there, wanting up to date information on her boyfriend's condition.

In the past month since the accident Martin had improved considerably. He was no longer in a coma, and was able to make limited conversation with those around him. He would never be the man he had been, however, and once he left the intermediate care unit he would go to the rehab centre attached to the hospital. After he had stayed there for a while Alex hoped he would be able to go home although he knew that Martin would need someone to care for him maybe forever, but Alex was hopeful that eventually he would be able to maybe even work in a sheltered supervised environment.

Alex tapped on the door and waited for Martin to ask him in. He had found that it pleased the young man to be able to do so, and since that discovery he had never entered unless invited.

"Come … in." The words were slow and broken up and some of them were unintelligible, but Alex never minded waiting until he had finished speaking and working out what Martin was saying was getting gradually easier.

"Hi, Martin, how are you?"

Martin smiled his now lopsided smile and gave Alex a thumbs up. His right hand and side was weaker than the left and Martin had to be encouraged to use them.

"Just one thumb?" Alex grinned back at him, knowing that Martin would have hoped to get away with his greeting. Slowly he lifted his right arm and concentrated hard on his hand. Finally it did what he wanted it to do, and he showed his doctor both thumbs.

Cheryl had sat quietly in the chair by Martin's bed, as she always did when he was welcoming his doctor. She had been scared so many times during the last month, but each time Alex had taken her aside, explained everything to her, and she had been able to return to care for her love.

"Hey, Cheryl, how are you?"

"I'm ok, although I almost didn't make it. I got a wonderful new case today, a middle aged lady, no ID, nothing to show who she was, found dead in an elevator in one of the banks downtown. Fifteen floors of people to canvass to try to find out who she was, and I already have a real bad feeling that no one is gonna have a clue."

"S' … tuff." Martin spoke softly, and smiled at her. At first, Cheryl hadn't mentioned work at all. She had returned to her duties three weeks after the accident that had robbed Martin of almost everything that made him the man she loved, and she had found that she had needed it so much, and had felt guilty because she knew that Martin would never be able to do that, never be able to run away from what he had become.

Alex had found her one afternoon the previous week, sitting in an empty ICU room sobbing into the mattress of the bed. 

_"Cheryl?" His voice had surprised her, and she had looked up, her face red and swollen from the tears she had shed. "Cheryl, what's the matter?" Alex had pulled a chair up to where she was sitting and to her surprise she had found that she needed him there. When he extended an arm towards her she had leant into him and cried on his shoulder for longer than she had thought it possible to have tears._

_Gradually though, she had stopped, and looked up once again. "I am so sorry. I guess … I guess it finally got to me, huh?"_

_"I guess it did. Want to tell me why?"_

She had told Alex all about her day, what she had done, the cases she had worked on, and he had sat and listened to her as if she was the most important person in the world to him, as if he had no other patients than her, and then he had smiled and placed a hand over hers.

"_Why are you telling me and not Martin? Is it because you don't want to remind him of what he has lost, are you afraid of making things worse for him?"_

_She had nodded her head, realising that Alex had probably been there before._

_"Did you ask him how he feels? He can understand you, all the cognitive testing we have done with him since he came round show that although he can't communicate very well, he is able to understand what we are saying to him."_

_"I don't want to look like I'm rubbing his nose in the fact that he can't be a cop anymore."_

_"But what if he thinks you aren't saying anything because you don't think he is capable of contributing to your world."_

_"No! Alex, no, I don't feel that at all. I … I want to share it with him more than anybody else. We … we used to talk over our cases all the time, especially when he had to move from homicide, I got his advice, he got mine, I looked forward to that part of our day … and now it's gone."_

_"No, Cheryl, it hasn't gone, it's just changed. Ask him if he wants to hear about your day, trust me if he doesn't you will know. He has grown quite bossy lately!"_

_She had smiled then, it was true. Because he couldn't converse too well Martin tended to make his requests short and to the point. If he didn't want to listen to you he put his left hand over his ear. Yeah, she would know just how he felt._

Now Cheryl looked at Martin and saw his eyes flash, looking alive and full of interest, as they had the first time she had asked if he wanted to hear about her day, and she looked forward, just as she always had, to telling him what had happened, and getting his valued opinion once again.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve wandered out of the morning room and into the hallway. It was four o'clock and Daniel would be back from school any minute. The routine would be the same as every day since he had changed schools. He would come in, drop his backpack on the seat at the end of the stairs, walk into the kitchen, grab a can of soda from the refrigerator, come back into the hall, straight into the living room where Jo was lying on the sofa and tell her about his day. If Steve was lucky he might get a grunt of acknowledgement, or a wave, but until Daniel had made sure that Jo was all right nobody else mattered. The fact that he was already back on duty, worked shifts, and sometimes didn't see his son for two or three days in a row bothered the boy far less that the fact that he had left Jo for six or seven hours. Steve smiled; he guessed that was the way it should be. He had always taken for granted that his dad would come home when the hospital didn't need him anymore, but if his mom hadn't been there it had been a major disaster.

Steve heard the key in the door, and leant back against the balustrade of the stairs. He watched as his son did exactly as he always did, and then with a laugh he too entered the living room.

Jo was lying down, her long hair over her left shoulder. Although well on the way to recovery, she tired easily still, and by the time it got to three in the afternoon she was ready for a nap. The hour she slept was just enough, and when Daniel came in and woke her she was happy to continue with her day.

Carefully Jo sat up and put her arm along the back of the sofa and, as he always did, Daniel sat next to her.

"So, how was your day?"

The question was always the same, and since he had changed schools, the answer had normally been 'fine, how was yours?' But it had been a situation hard won, and Steve still remembered the day that he took Daniel back to school after his mom had been injured.

_"Daniel! You are gonna be so late you'll miss lunch, get a move on!" Steve had called his son for the third time from the bottom of the stairs. It had been a week since his mom had been hurt, and Steve had decided that Daniel needed to be back at school._

_"So, maybe I should stay home." Daniel's tone was sullen as he came down the stairs, but Steve had just laughed._

_"Oh, no, you don't. You are going to school, you are going to do everything you are told, and make your mother proud, ok?"_

_"And that is blackmail! You're a cop you should know that." Daniel had tried to look angry but Steve had seen right through it. They had talked the night before, and he knew that the knowledge that Jo was going to be fine had been a relief to both of them. The fact that he could go back to school was the first step back to normality._

_The car ride had been silent apart from the radio, and they had been glad to hear nothing about anyone they knew on the news. At last they were not the centre of discussion for the local station. The school parking lot was almost full, but Steve had found a place to park his truck over in the far corner. Daniel had walked into the school yard while Steve was locking up and then he had stopped. There, in front of him, was his nemesis, the boy who seemed intent on making his life a misery, Roberto._

_Steve had been only a few steps behind him, but he had been out of sight, and so Roberto, thinking Daniel was alone, had started in on him._

_"Hey, __Upton__, saw your old lady in the paper, man. How many mom's you lost now?"_

_For a second Steve had thought that Daniel would ignore him, would just walk by._

_"Is this a part of her, do you recognise it?" The boy had held up a finger, the type that kids used at Halloween, and then thrown it at him.  Daniel had roared and then launched into the boy, his fists and feet punching and kicking._

_As luck would have it Mr. Naegler, the principal was walking by just at that moment, and came running over. "Daniel, move away!" He'd had, amazingly, a whistle around his neck, and he began blowing on it, as if expecting the entire Los Angeles Police Department to fall from the sky._

_Steve had managed to grab hold of Daniel's backpack and pull back on it. "Daniel! Daniel, leave it!" For a minute he had thought that his words would have no effect, but then the boy had lowered his arms and turned towards his dad. As he did so Roberto sent a punch into the side of his head, sending him sprawling to the ground, which he had hit, hard, losing consciousness for a minute or two. _

_Steve had cradled him in his arms, not believing what had just happened. For a second Roberto had stood and looked at Daniel, and then he had backed away and run._

_Mr. Naegler had turned into a stuttering, shuffling shambles of a human being, he wanted to take Daniel into the school, even though Steve knew that he shouldn't be moved. He kept apologising profusely, saying how he knew that the other boy had been no good, and how pleased he was that Daniel was back in school. He had crouched down then and tried to grasp the boy himself, and in the end Steve had shouted at him to go call 911, and finally he was able to just hold his son and say a silent prayer for him._

Steve brought himself back to the present and watched his wife and son as they talked quietly together. Daniel had been kept in the hospital overnight just to make sure everything was ok, but he had never returned to the school. Roberto had been picked up by the police breaking into a car three blocks from his home, and the last Steve had heard he was facing a stay in juvenile hall himself.

The phone rang in the hallway, and they all heard Michael's footsteps as he moved from his kitchen to answer it. 

"Sloan residence… Yes, Madam, I will just get him for you." Once again the footsteps sounded, and Michael arrived in the doorway. "Master Daniel, Miss Maddie is on the phone for you."

With a blush Daniel leapt to his feet and rushed to the door, then without a backward glance he was gone, anxious to speak with the young woman who made his heart beat faster, and made him want to box on a regular basis.

"Young love, sometimes I wish I was fourteen again, but then I remember that I was taught at home, an' my tutor was old, stuffy, an' smelt of peppermint." Jo smiled and patted the top of the sofa. "Come sit with me, I need to talk to you."

"Sure, Honey, what is it?" Steve looked at her anxiously. She seemed so relaxed, so happy, and he was worried. Maybe now was the time to ask her about it. Daniel would be on the phone for hours if they let him, so he wouldn't interrupt. Steve didn't want to open old wounds, or upset and distress her, but ever since she had woken up in the hospital she had just gradually returned to her old self. There had been no nightmares, no discussions with a councillor, just, it seemed, an acceptance of what had happened, and a desire to move on.

"I have to go back into the hospital, for my finger." Jo moved her hand round in front of her husband. "I am gonna be measured for the prothstetic in a coupla days, an' then I will have it fitted next week."

"How do you feel about that?" Steve was a little more certain that he should mention things now.

"A little scared. I … I've almost got used to it not bein' there, y'know.  An' I don't ever want to forget, to let what happened slip away as if it was nothin'."

"Why ever not? Jo, Honey, why would you want to remember? God, I just want to put it out of my mind and never have to visit with it again." Steve was astonished at what his wife was saying. "He … he mutilated you, he stabbed you, ripped your hair out, and you had to have skin grafts, he almost killed Jesse, and you don't want to forget." Words ran out for Steve, and he just sat, slowly shaking his head.

"Look at me, Steve. What do you see?" Jo gently turned her husband's head so that he was facing her. She looked into his blue eyes, and hoped that the intensity of what she was feeling would somehow be transferred to him.

For a moment Steve didn't know how to answer her. Then he swallowed down his emotions and answered as honestly as he could. "I see the woman I love. The woman I thought I was gonna find dead in the rubble of that garage … Oh, God, Jo, I thought I'd lost you, that I'd never again be able to hold you, feel your hair, smell your wonderful smell … make love to you… How can you want to remember?" Tears came up in his eyes as the memories threatened to drown him. Jo smiled gently at him and took him in her arms, and felt his tears on her shoulder as he leant into her.

"Shhh, Baby, I know, I know. I felt that way too, while I was there, I thought I was gonna die, that everythin' we had planned for our future would be as nothin'. Shhh." She gently rocked him in her arms, and felt him relax against her. Gradually Steve changed his position so that they were cuddled up together, and for a little while neither of them felt the need to do or say anything, but then once more Jo guided her husband's face so that he was looking at her.

"I hope, that when you look at me, you see the woman you love, I would be mighty disappointed if you didn't, but there is more than that. I am still whole, oh, I know I am a digit missin' but I am whole. He didn't break me. I never let him beat me, an' that is why I want to remember. That is why I have to remember."

Light began to dawn for Steve, and finally he understood why she had been able to get her life back together so well. In the past whenever the situation had gotten away from her she had coped, dealt with whatever was thrown at her, but when it had been over she had gone to pieces. This time when it was over, when she had recovered from the injuries she had received, there had been no retreating into her shell, no period of time when nobody had been able to reach her. She had become a survivor and, as he looked into her beautiful dark brown eyes, he realised that she had helped him to be the same thing.


	50. Home Again, Home Again

**Home Again, Home Again**

Jesse had ridden home in the ambulance with Alex, and found that he couldn't make eye contact with his friend. He knew that his every move was being watched, and he also knew that Rae desperately wanted him home, almost as much as he wanted to be there himself. So why was he scared?

"Jess? Are you ok? You seem awfully quiet." Alex looked at him with concern and waited for him to reply. Jesse had been very reserved since he had come round in the hospital, but somehow this was more than that.

"Alex, how did you feel when you went home from the hospital, after Louise Willis attacked you?"

It hadn't been the reply he had been expecting, but it gave Alex an insight into what the problem was. He had been stabbed in the chest by the woman Jesse had mentioned, and the knife had nicked his heart. The woman had then kidnapped his godchild, Eliana, but he had known about none of it as his life hung in the balance. For a moment Alex let his mind drift back to that awful time and he realised that he could remember every feeling as if it had happened yesterday.

"How did I feel? I was euphoric, I was going home, which meant I had survived, but I was scared, so scared. In the hospital everything was right there in case I had a relapse, and I know I'm a doctor, and should have recognized that I was ready to go home, but that equipment, suddenly it all seemed to be way important, and then it was gone, I was home at my mom's and I was scared." Alex stopped speaking; he didn't really have anything else to say.

"I guess it's normal then to be as scared as I am right now?" Jesse ran his left hand through his hair, grimacing as it caught on the now healed patch where he'd had his hair ripped out. There was new hair there too, short and soft and stubbly, and much to his relief it was the same colour as the rest. For a while he had worried that it might grow back white because of the damage to the roots.

"Jesse, I can take you back to Community General right now you know. I warned Rae that it might happen."

"No, no, I'll be fine. I … I need to be with her, to talk to her, you can't do that at the hospital, not really." Jess closed his eyes for a moment, part of him did want those things, but another part just wanted to hide away, say nothing, do nothing.

"You know that she has to come in to see me tomorrow, don't you?" Alex wondered briefly if she had told Jesse that she would be leaving him again so soon.

"Yeah, does she know that it might not make much difference?" Jesse had listened as Rae had told him all about the tests she'd had done, the medications she'd taken, and how they hadn't worked as well as she'd hoped. 

"I told her, but I don't think that she will even contemplate that until she has it done. She is being stubborn about this."

Jesse had understood completely, Rae could be incredibly stubborn if she put her mind to it, come to think of it, she could be that way even without trying!

The ambulance had drawn up outside the Travis home at that moment, and the conversation ended. Alex could see Rae waiting by the door, trying not to look anxious and worried, and failing miserably.

Alex had helped Jesse settle in the bed that Rae and Michael had set up in the breakfast room. The sun was still shining through the windows, casting shadows on the bedcovers, and Jesse had made sure that he was on the side that would catch the rays for the longest time. Because both Eliana and Anneya would be able to see the medication that Jesse might need Rae had made sure that there was a locking nightstand close at hand. Once she had listened to all Alex's instructions on how to care for her husband she had kissed her young physician and bade him goodnight. Then she had gone into the nursery and got Eliana, so that their eldest daughter could go visit with her daddy.

"Hi, Daddy." Eliana had smiled at Jesse as she clambered up on the bed. Their daughter was almost three years old now, and her speech was clear and practiced regularly. "Yana story peese." Rae had told her little girl not to touch her daddy's legs, and she sat up on the pillows.

"Honey, Daddy just got home, he needs to rest, maybe he'll tell you a story tomorrow."

The little girl's chin began to quiver, and her big brown eyes filled with tears. "No, it's all right. I've missed being a dad. Let me just read her a short story and then I'll call you." Jesse looked at Rae, and she saw the desire in his eyes, the desire to be a normal guy again.

"Ok, Honey, I'll be in the playroom with Anneya, who won't go quietly, so you will need to see her too before she goes to bed."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Jesse smiled, and Rae knew that he was speaking the truth.

By the time Eliana had been read to, and Anneya had gotten herself so over-excited that it took Rae more than an hour to get her calmed down enough to go to sleep, Jesse was exhausted. 

Rae had come back into the room and stopped just inside the doorway. She ran her hand over the back of her neck, wincing as she did so. Her husband was lying, his hair fanned out on the pillow with his eyes closed and for a moment she could do nothing but stare. She liked it when he had his hair just a little longer than he himself preferred, and it was that way now. He looked so different to the way he had when she had seen him for the first time in the hospital after the explosion. Even though his eyes were shut, and he was unaware of her presence, there was life in him, the spark was there, and although Rae knew that he had a very long way to go she rejoiced in the fact that he was back with her again.

"Are you gonna stand there all night, or do I get a hug?" Jesse's voice suddenly broke into her thoughts and she smiled at him. His eyes were open now, and she was captivated by their bluey grey gaze, just as she always was.

"If you're sure I won't hurt you."

"No, I don't hurt, not anywhere, well, my head's still a little sore, and my arm's tender, but … but, I need you, Rae, as long as it doesn't hurt you."

She moved across towards the bed, and made herself comfortable by her husband's side, the feeling of his arm around her shoulder more welcome than she could ever have imagined.

"I have missed your touch so much, Rae. I was … I was just so scared, but I knew that you would come, that you would find me."

Rae was touched by the simple faith that he had in her, and she remembered the way he had said '_You're here'_ when she had found him. "I would never have stopped looking; you know that, don't you?"

"Yeah, you and Steve, I knew that. I love you, Rae." Jesse moved slightly, although he hadn't mentioned it, his legs were still sore and not helping him at all. Then his lips found Rae's and he kissed her, not quickly or gently, but slowly and with a passion that she hadn't thought him capable of right now, and her fingers began to run through his hair, and for a while time ceased to exist, as they just enjoyed the feel of each other.

Finally, Rae pulled away from the kiss and smiled at him. "Wow, you should come with a health warning!" 

"I want you so much, Rae, but I am just so tired. Why am I so tired?" 

Rae looked into his eyes again, and this time she saw the exhaustion that was just under the surface the whole time. "You're asking me? Honey, you had a serious infection that drained you of every ounce of energy you had. It's gonna take a long while for you to get that back, and I have to tell you that what you have on your mind is going to be a long time coming, if you see what I mean." Rae blushed as she realised what she had just said.

"Yeah, I guess so, I think I'll take a little nap now then … but you'll stay with me won't you?" His voice suddenly sounded worried, and Jesse realised that he didn't want to be alone.

"Of course, unless the girls need me I will be here all night."

Her answer seemed to satisfy him, and with a smile and a sigh Jesse removed his arm from around her and made himself as comfortable as he could, then he closed his eyes, and with the smile still playing on his lips he drifted off to sleep.

The nurse arrived the following morning just after nine, and was soon busily organising her new charge. The lady's name was Riana Fox, and Rae was glad that Jesse had been so obviously still attracted to her the previous night, otherwise she knew that jealousy would be her unwanted companion while the young woman was under her roof.

She was about twenty-six years old, had hair the colour of corn which was pulled back into a thick but beautifully done braid, and she filled her uniform in all the places she was supposed to.

_"Doctor Travis, I'm so glad to meet you."_ She had purred as she was introduced to him for the first time, and Rae watched as her usually confident, charming and witty husband was turned into a stammering schoolboy.

"_Oh, hi, I … I, uh, I'm pleased to meet you, too."_

Rae had left just under a half hour later, knowing that Texas had planned to come visit with Jesse at eleven, and hopefully she should be on her way home herself not long after that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve had arrived at the precinct just before ten for a shift that didn't start until eleven, and wouldn't finish until about that time in the evening. It was the first time he had been away from Jo that late into the night since her return from the hospital and he wasn't looking forward to it. He knew she would be fine, she had Michael and Daniel to care for her, but he wanted to be the one she called on, and he knew he wouldn't be.

"Hey, Steve!" Cheryl's voice caught his attention as he walked across to his desk and he changed direction to move over to her. "How's Jo?"

"She's doing fine, way better than I thought she would, she's going to go see Jesse today, he came home yesterday." Steve smiled and paused for a moment, and then with a heavy heart he continued to talk. "How's Martin?"

"About the same, we seem to have reached a plateau if you understand what I mean. They are gonna come talk to him about rehab in a couple of days, but … but I just want to bring him home, y'know?" Cheryl found that she could talk so easily to Steve about how she felt.

"I know, but you need to let him reach his full potential, and the people there are trained to do that. It'll still be at Community General, right?"

"Yeah, it will, thank goodness, so I can visit just like I do now. Steve …?"

"What?" Steve realised that she was going to ask him something very important to her, and he made sure that she could see that she had his full attention.

"I still love him, and I want to be with him, but what if he doesn't want me, what will I do? What if he comes back from rehab and wants to be alone? He … he hasn't told me he loves me, not since the accident."

"Cheryl, I can't answer that for you, but why don't you call Rae and talk with her? She's been there remember, and, well, I don't know if you realised or not, but Jesse left her for a while after she was injured."

Cheryl looked amazed for a moment, and Steve hoped that he hadn't betrayed a confidence. "I didn't know, but I will speak with her, thanks, Steve. Now, we need to go and interview bank employees!"

"Oh great, just what I need… Is this our Jane Doe?" Steve picked up the photograph that was sitting on Cheryl's desk. 

"Yeah, Amanda called through this morning, she is about 56 years old, five foot seven inches tall, and she was shot, point blank through the heart from the back. With a silencer maybe, I don't know, would the sound be heard outside the elevator, or would it be muffled by the metal?"

"I have no idea, but I guess we're gonna have to find out aren't we…? You know, I know this woman."

"Hey, that's great, oh, I'm sorry, did you know her well, who is she?"

"I have no idea."

"What? I thought you said you knew her." Cheryl looked at Steve, an exasperated expression on her face.

"I do, I've seen her picture someplace, I just don't remember where." Steve was quiet for a while, and Cheryl knew he was turning things over in his mind. "Rae, Rae will know who this is. She was with me when I saw the picture, but I just can't remember where. Dammit, I hate it when that happens!"

"Well, you can always visit with her when you get home; she is your near neighbour now. But someone may recognise her and say, 'oh, yeah, that's Mary Jones', or whatever, and our case will be half solved."

"Mmm, somehow my life's never been like that before, why should it start now?"

"Come on, Mr. Negative, let's get going." Cheryl pulled him by the arm and they walked out of the squad room, both of them needing the normality that working together again could give them.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rae had arrived at the hospital in plenty of time for her appointment and had hoped that maybe she would be able to get back to some routine once it was over.

As she waited in the cubicle next to where she would have the manipulation done she tried to think about something other than neck and arm pain. She had been so delighted when Alex had told her that her injury had nothing to do with the brachial plexus problems she had suffered in the past, but the pain had stayed, not gone as she thought it would, and now she was just desperate to have it behind her.

"Hey, Rae, how are you feeling this morning?" Alex's cheerful voice cut into her thoughts and she jumped, causing more pain to run through her shoulders. She hadn't taken any pain relief that morning, and she was beginning to realise just how much it had been helping her.

"Not too bad, thanks, you?" Rae smiled at him, she was always pleased to see Alex.

"I'm good, and Jesse? Did he sleep ok? Have any problems?" 

"No, none, he slept quite well. I think he woke up a coupla times, but he seemed alright to me."

"Ok, fine. Do you want to go and get changed and then we can begin? I'll have a nurse come and help you."

"No, I can do it, well, unless I have to do up the gown, that might be a problem." Rae smiled, and saw a young nurse standing just behind Alex.

"I'll go in with the patient, Doctor Martin, just in case she has difficulty."

Five minutes later Rae was sitting on the gurney waiting for the procedure to begin. She knew that it might not work and that then she would have to have further treatment and that was making her tense, even though she tried very hard to relax. She heard the doors swing open and then shut and she turned slightly to see Alex and another doctor who she recognised, but didn't know too well, coming towards her.

"Rae, you remember Doctor Lyle, he did the first manipulation on your back and he assisted when Jesse was operated on." Rae smiled a welcoming and friendly smile. She knew that the young man had been in the hospital the day of the explosion and had offered his services, she was very grateful for all everyone had done. "Ok, Rae, you've had this done before, it doesn't hurt, and you'll be fine, I'll see you later, all right?"

"Yes, thanks, Alex." Rae had relaxed as she spoke, knowing that any additional tension would only aggravate matters.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The door to Rae and Jesse's home had been opened just after eleven, and Jo had found herself face to face with a beautiful woman in a nurse's uniform. "Oh, hi, I'm Josephine Sloan; I'm here to see Jesse Travis."

She had been welcomed with a smile, and soon was sitting in the morning room, that she knew Rae called the breakfast room.

"Jesse, how are you doin' today?" Jo looked at her friend who was sitting up in bed, a copy of the newspaper by his side, and tiredness in his eyes. Jo had visited with him in the hospital a couple of times, but once she had been moved from the ICU her private suite had been a long way from Jesse's room.

Now though there was no reason, apart from Jesse nodding off, for them not to spend some time together. Jo pulled up one of the easy chairs and made herself comfortable. She had a tin in her hand which she put on the nightstand. "Michael was concerned that you hadn't been eatin' properly in the hospital, an' so he made you some cookies. You don't have to eat them if you don't want to."

"No, no, I'll eat them, if Steve had made them, now that might be different."

"Hey, that's my husband you're talkin' about!" Jo tried to sound stern, but she smiled as she spoke and Jesse took one of the proffered biscuits and took a bite. It melted in his mouth until he just had the chocolate chips left slowly dissolving on his tongue. He took another bite, and then another.  "Oh, that was good; I might just have to have another one … thank you." Jesse ate the second one and then the room descended into an awkward silence.

"Jo."

"Jesse." 

Both of them spoke at once, and then laughed, a little embarrassed, at what they had done.

"Jesse, this is stupid. We were stuck in the worst situation of our lives together, an' now we have nothin' to say to each other." Jo decided to take the bull by the horns and speak her mind.

"It's not that I have nothing to say, it's that I have so much, too much, I just don't know where to start." Jesse looked down, Jo was his wife's best friend, and she had seen him at his lowest ebb, had heard him cry out in pain, and he was ashamed of his behaviour. She reminded him of things that he didn't want to think about, that he hoped to put out of his mind for ever, but she had been there for him, and he knew that, for now at least, he would have to try and enjoy her company.

"Jesse, Mark told me what you did for me, my finger. I can't ever thank you enough for that. There was no infection; no throbbin', Wil didn't have to do anythin' to it when I was in surgery, Mark re-dressed it an' that was it."

"Yeah, he mentioned it, it was no problem." Jesse's voice was low, and suddenly he was unable to make eye contact with his companion.

"Jesse, what's the matter? Do you need me to get your nurse?" Jo was suddenly very concerned for her friend.

"No, no, I'm fine, it's just … Jo, I'm so sorry." Jesse blurted out his words, but didn't look up.

"Whatever for? If you hadn't done what you did, I could have lost more than a finger. Honey, you have nothin' to apologise for."

"I couldn't stop them from … from mutilating you, I should have been able to … to …" Jesse couldn't speak any longer. The tears he had managed to keep in since the day he had come round in the hospital threatened him, and when he felt Jo touch his arm and looked down to see her hand with its three fingers it was too much for him, and he began to cry, knowing that his embarrassment at his behaviour with her was now complete.

"Come here." Jo held her arms open and was relieved when Jesse leant into her and finally let some of his emotions go. His nurse, hearing the sound opened the door, but seeing Jo shake her head she smiled and left the room, and Jesse, unaware of her momentary presence, carried on crying on Jo's shoulder.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Steve and Cheryl had stopped for lunch at one thirty, and found themselves a nice coffee shop to eat in and go over what they had, which, as Cheryl had commented as they took their twentieth elevator journey of the day, was precious little. The only light moment coming as they finished their experiment to find out how much noise could be heard through the doors of the lift.

"You know I don't think I will ever forget the look on that banker's face as you suddenly appeared in the doorway of the elevator screaming help at the top of your voice." Steve's voice was relaxed, and Cheryl knew that he was containing his laughter with difficulty.

"I thought he was gonna rush to my aid, but no, you just had to flash your badge at him, and I was left to my own devices." Cheryl shook her head, it had been a pleasant interlude in what had been, so far, a mind numbingly boring day.

"Well, we have visited four floors of offices, interviewed, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven," Steve counted off on his fingers, "Seven receptionists, numerous office workers, janitors and visitors to the building, and no one, not even one of them, believes they know our Jane Doe. In fact, the only person who thinks he recognises her is me, and I have no idea why!"

"Well, gee, Sloan, and I thought we were having a non-productive day!"

Steve groaned, ran his fingers through his hair and glanced at his watch. "It's a quarter to two; you want to be finished by three don't you?"

Cheryl nodded; the captain had been very generous with her hours, allowing her to go and visit with Martin every day after three o'clock. She hadn't told her boyfriend, but she often returned to work after visiting hours were over, not wanting anyone to say that she was neglecting her duties. "You know, I've been thinking … Don't say a word! … If I had just shot someone in an elevator, there would have to be just her and me in it, right?"

"Well, yeah, otherwise you would have to shoot everybody. Or you could wear a mask and hold them hostage until you could leave at the next floor … but we know that didn't happen. So, why wasn't he, or she, seen?" Steve was working out scenarios in his mind as he spoke, but he knew that Cheryl was right.

"If it was me doing this killing, and just for the record, it wasn't, ok? I would send the elevator straight to the roof, or the floor closest to the roof and get out there. Then, I would walk down the stairs, mingle in with the people on whatever floor I got fed up with the stairs on, and bingo, I'm your perfect criminal, I've committed the perfect crime, and I defy you to catch me." Cheryl waggled her hands in front of Steve's face, as if daring him to cuff her.

"Oh, well, I might as well just go home then, you can go to the hospital, and tomorrow we can clean windows for a living!" Steve was very tempted to stick his tongue out at Cheryl, and that made him think of Rae. She was having manipulation today on her back and neck. He hoped that it went ok.

"Make sure it's not a skyscraper and I might just take you up on it."  Cheryl laughed and then put her hand tentatively over Steve's. "Thanks, partner."

"What for?" Steve looked at her, but he had a feeling he already knew the answer.

"I relaxed today, for the first time since I came back to work, I just relaxed and got on with it. Thank you."

"Hey, any time. Now, I suggest that we go up to the top floor in the elevator, and see whether we learn anything." With a smile the two cops got to their feet and headed back into the building, they ducked under the police tape and called the lift, and then they waited, enjoying the ease with which they stood in silence together.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jo had held onto Jesse for a long while as he let his feelings out and then composed himself again. "Jo, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."

"Oh, I think you should, I am guessin' that you didn't want to give Rae anythin' to worry about, an' your folks weren't about. You can't keep these things inside of you, trust me, I know."

"No, I do know, and I … I feel better for it, thank you." Jesse ran his hand through his hair and Jo saw the skin grafts on his arm.

"You know, when you got the infection at the … at the garage." For a second Jo closed her eyes, but then she took a deep breath and continued, "I thought that was my fault. I looked at my hand for the first time after … after you were hurt, an' I could see that it was ok, but you weren't, an' I thought that I had done somethin' wrong. Then I looked in your medical bag, an' the bandages like the one I used weren't in their box, just plastic, an' I thought that was my fault too."

"But you know now, that I probably gave myself toxic strep don't you?" Jesse smiled as he spoke, even though he knew that the infection had almost killed him.

"Yeah, Mark told me that you come into contact with things so much, but wash an' clean yourselves so often that you keep it at bay, but there, you had open wounds, an' no way of preventin' it from happenin', but I'm still mighty sorry."

"I know, but you helped, at least the … wounds didn't get dirt and yuk in them, because you covered them up."

"Yuk, that must be a technical term!" Jo laughed and folded her arms in her lap as Jesse carefully made himself comfortable on the bed again.

"Oh yeah, you have to go through med school, internship, and all sorts of other things before you get to use 'yuk'!" Jesse tried to stifle a yawn, but wasn't very successful and Jo stood up.

"Jesse, I'm gonna go an' you get some sleep, y'hear? Can you let me know though how Rae gets on today?"

"Of course, and Jo, those bandages were like that because I had left them on the side, and Eliana unwrapped them for me! They were still sterile though, they were fine."

Jo leant over and kissed her friend on the cheek. She felt that they had a bond now that no one else would ever appreciate; she hugged him quickly and then was gone, not seeing the haunted, desperate look that flashed across his face, and the relief that replaced it as she left the room.


	51. The Long Walk Home

**The Long Walk Home**

Cheryl parked her car and rushed into Community General. It was ten thirty in the morning, she was due in to work at eleven, but Martin had called to say he needed to speak with her and so she had just dropped everything, and was rushing up in the elevator, tapping her foot in annoyance every time it stopped and admitted extra passengers.

Finally, after what seemed a blue age the doors opened onto his floor and Cheryl made her way towards the now familiar door to the room that housed the man she loved. For a moment her courage failed her and she stood on the threshold, but then Martin smiled his lop-sided smile at her and she moved closer and then waited for him to speak.

"Hey … Chey." Martin's voice was a little tremulous still, but somehow it seemed even more so at the moment. 

Cheryl pulled back and looked him in the eyes. "Martin, what's the matter?" She settled herself down on the chair nearest to his shoulder and waited.

For a couple of minutes Martin looked down at his bed covers, and began twisting them slowly in his left hand. His right hand rested on the sheet, he didn't try to use it, and Cheryl felt her heart constrict for him. "I … o …  reeehabbbb."

"When? Did they come and see you?" Cheryl was a little confused, she hadn't thought his meeting was until later in the week, and she had planned to be with him when it was discussed.

"I … o … morro." For a moment Martin continued looking at his hands and then he made eye contact with her. "I don … ant yew come."

"When you are transferred, ok, I'll wait and see you once you're there."

"No! No, not … not t'all … why … I … there." Martin looked down again, and Cheryl stood up, not knowing what else to do.

"Why? Why can't I come?"

"I … ave  … do … out yew."

Cheryl felt her eyes fill with tears, he was dumping her, she had been right, he no longer loved her, and he wanted to be independent when he left the rehab centre. Suddenly, she knew that she had to fight for what she had, for what they had, and she moved back towards him and took both his hands in her own.

"Martin, I love you, I don't want you to have to go through this alone. I … I, won't crowd you out, I promise you that, but please, please, let me be a part of it."

"If … if  g… gows … wron,  …  can't … get … be … bettr, yew  … can … find … some … one …" the words ran out then and a tear slid down his cheek.

"Oh, Martin, no, Honey, it's you I love, and even if everything stays the same, just like it is now, you will always be the man for me." 

Martin hadn't let her kiss him or even hug him since the accident, but now as she took her courage in both hands and placed her lips against his she felt his warmth as he  moved his mouth to let her in. 

It wasn't a long kiss, and in their time together they had definitely shared more passionate moments, but as they parted, the love in their eyes was as deep as it had ever been.

"I … I yuf … yew, Chey." Martin closed his eyes. He was tired, it was still early but it had been one busy day so far.

"Oh, I love you too, Honey, and I'll do whatever you think is right. If you don't want me to be there, I'll stay away, it'll be real hard, but I will do it."

"No … I … cha … chaed … mind." The lop sided grin reappeared, and Cheryl sat herself on the side of the bed and snuggled up to him, just for a while before she headed into work.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The information that Steve and Cheryl had got the previous day hadn't helped their case at all, and so they found themselves back in the elevator riding the car to the twentieth floor to carry on with their investigation. They had decided to start from the top of the building and work their way down, and so just after half past eleven they made their way into the offices of the Bank of America. 

At a quarter to twelve they were waiting for the elevator again. "Why did our Jane Doe come to this building? It could have been for an interview for a job, she could have been coming for a loan, for a lunch meeting with a new colleague, any number of reasons… Arghhh … I should have stayed at the hospital." Cheryl shook her head and punched the button again.

"The hospital, you've been there already? Is Martin all right?" Steve knew that she had a routine that she followed when she was seeing her boyfriend. It made it easier for him to plan his day, and for her to arrange her working hours.

"Yeah, Martin called me … he goes into rehab tomorrow, but … but I think it will be ok." Cheryl smiled then, as her mind went back to her earlier visit, and she thought about the kiss, and the cuddle that they had enjoyed before she left him, there had been no need for either of them to speak, they both knew that the relationship was as strong as ever.

"I'm real glad, Cheryl, real glad."

"I think I might talk with Rae though, not yet, but before Martin comes home, and maybe Jesse too. I know it isn't gonna be easy, but we both want to be together, and that's all that really matters." The elevator pinged to announce its arrival then and the two friends walked into it, and made their way to the nineteenth floor, and another round of pointless interviews.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jesse looked at the clock on the mantle and did a mental calculation.  Rae had been sleeping for over eighteen hours, and he figured that maybe he should wake her. That was, however, easier said than done, and for a moment he just lay on his own bed and thought.

It had been reassuring to know that she was upstairs, but he liked sleeping on his own right now. Somehow if he was by himself then he could pretend nothing had happened. But he knew that if he didn't wake her she would be grouchy and grumpy and probably awake all night, so he began to think again. As he did so he spotted his cell phone on the night stand and groaned. "Travis you are loosing it, man." He carefully picked it up and punched the number for Rae's phone.

"Detective Yeager." The voice was sleepy and soft, but somehow it didn't warm Jesse's heart as it usually did.

"Rae, I thought I should wake you, otherwise you won't sleep tonight."

"Mmm, what? Oh, Jess, Honey, I'm sorry, I … I'll be right down." The phone went dead then and Jesse turned his off. He sat and listened and in just a moment or two he heard his wife's feet as they padded down the stairs, and then the door to the breakfast room opened and she poked her head in.

"Hey, handsome, I am so sorry, it's not even the same day that I went to bed is it?"

"Nope. Don't worry. Michael had the girls, and Sally came and got them from there. How are you feeling?" Jesse watched as Rae came further into the room and then saw her carefully move first her head from side to side, and then her arms, up above her head and down again.

"You know, I feel fine. A little stiff, but much, much better than I did." She beamed, and for a moment Jesse felt his heart warm for her.

"Good, I'm glad… I guess that means you'll be going back to work soon, yes?"

Rae's happy face was suddenly sad. "Oh, Jess, I … I guess I could take some leave."

"I know, and I know you would do so happily, but let's wait, when I'm all better we could take the girls somewhere couldn't we? D'you think Eliana's too young for Disneyland?" Jesse smiled; he wanted to think about happy things, things he could do that would put all his bad thoughts out of his mind.

"No, I think that would be wonderful, and even if she is too young, we're not!" Rae moved across and sat down next to her husband. "I don't want to hurt you, but I could do with a cuddle."

Jesse needed her to move away, not to sit too close, but he knew that he had to do something, so he smiled and took her hands in his. For a second or two he pulled her closer to him and gently stroked her hair, and then he let her go.

Rae smiled, the feeling of his hand had been wonderful, and she had wished it could have lasted for ever but somehow she wasn't surprised that it had ended so soon.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

****

**_One Week Later._**

The sun was setting on the patio outside the Travis house. Rae and Jesse were lying on two softly padded lawn chairs watching the sky change colour. Eliana and Anneya were both asleep, and the play area that Rae'd had put in while Jesse was in the hospital was empty now. There were two swings, both with baby seats on them, a small slide, a sand pit and two tricycles. Rae had hoped that the little girls would play there every day, she could work in the house, see them through the window and know they were safe, but when she had mentioned that to Jesse he had been absolutely horrified. He had told her such tales of children being taken and sold, as he had feared when Louise Willis had taken Eliana, that she had promised him that she would only let them in the garden when she was out there with them. She had found that she enjoyed the fact that she could take her laptop out into the garden and listen to their happy chatter while she read through case notes, and autopsy reports as she tried to catch up on her cases and it was something that she had managed to do every day since she got home from the hospital. She was trying to get everything into some sort of order before she returned to the station the following Monday.

Although Rae had planned to return straight after her manipulation had been such a success, Captain Newman had insisted she spend a further week getting over what had happened, and she had gratefully complied, happy to spend the time with Jesse and her girls. However, following a conversation with Steve earlier in the week she had gained a case when she hadn't even been there. Rae looked over at her husband, his eyes closed as he lay relaxing on his chair, and thought back to the barbeque that Steve had cooked for them, in their new pit, to celebrate the fact that everybody was home, on the way to full health again, and together.

Amanda and Ron had been there with CJ and Dion, Alex and Shannon, along with Mark, Michael and, of course, Steve, Jo and Daniel. Much to the delight of everyone Cheryl had brought Martin over for a short visit. He was in rehab and had been given permission to go out for a couple of hours. Rae had sat with him for a while and they had talked quietly together.

_"Hey, Martin, how are you feeling today?" Rae had visited Martin a couple of times in the hospital, but she hadn't been in to the rehab centre yet._

_"K."_

_Rae understood his reluctance to say more than he had to, she had been the same after she had a head injury a few years earlier._

_"We've known each other a long time, Martin, you've always been there for me, you believed in me when no one else did and I got put in jail. If you need anything, anything at all you just let me know, ok?" _

_He had nodded. "Friends … I yike yew." Martin's hand was over Rae's and he squeezed it._

_Rae felt really moved by what Martin had said, and just nodded her head. Nothing else was said, but sitting together in the warm sunlight they had enjoyed each other's company. _

_It had been about a half hour before Cheryl had come over and sat with them. "Rae, I need to ask you a question, and I want Martin to hear too. I don't want to upset you, or for you to get angry with Steve for betraying your confidence."_

_Rae was now sitting with a completely bemused expression on her face, and Cheryl laughed, despite the worry she felt. "I guess that was a little confusing. Rae, Steve told me that after you were injured and in a coma while I was in London, Jesse left you, for a while."_

_"Yeah, he did, he couldn't cope with seeing me injured all the time, and he felt that if he wasn't with me it would be better. He was wrong." Rae stopped talking, it was a time in her life that she didn't like to think about, but she knew that Cheryl and Martin were starting on a very difficult journey and she would help them if she could. "Forgive me for asking, but are you thinking of leaving?"_

_"No! Oh, no, but I know it's gonna be hard, and … and …  I guess, you've been there, done that, and I needed to ask."_

_"Cheryl, any time, just call me, grab me as I walk across the squad room, speak to Jesse, Martin, you too, ok?"_

_"K." Martin hadn't said anything, but he had looked so worried when Cheryl had said about Jesse leaving that Rae's heart had almost broken for him. _

Martin and Cheryl had left a little while after that, he was still weak and tired easily, but Cheryl had kissed her on the cheek and thanked her, and Martin had held her as close to him as he could while he hugged her. Rae had moved away for a while, trying to push her memories back to where they belonged at the back of her mind. Then she had sat looking out at the gardens and waited for her meal. It was while the burgers were cooking about ten minutes after she had sat down that Steve had gently put his arm round Rae's shoulders and moved her aside.

_"Rae, I know that this is a social occasion, but I have a case that is causing a few problems, like who the victim is. And I have a feeling that you could help me."_

_"Sure, but why do you think I can do that?" Rae could feel her heart beat a little faster. She wanted to be back in the saddle so much it hurt._

_"We have a picture of the victim, and that's it. She was found shot to death in a bank elevator. I don't know why but I know this woman, not personally, but I have seen a picture of her before, and I know I was with you when I saw it."_

_"Let's have a look then, before the burgers burn." Rae had taken the picture in her left hand with ease. The manipulation had solved her problems so completely that she was no longer taking any pain medication and was extremely grateful to Alex that he had suggested she try the procedure a second time. "Oh, my." Rae had looked at the picture, and known straight away who the person was, and that her knowledge would cause someone she had begun to consider a friend great personal pain._

_"Who is it, Rae? And where did I see this picture?"_

_"You saw it in the Chief's office, it's his sister!"_

Steve had been silent for a little while after that, but then they had chatted for a few minutes and decided that they would keep the information between themselves until the morning. The Chief, Steve knew, was out of town at a conference in New York, and wouldn't be returning until the following Monday. There was nothing they could do and so they both managed to push the knowledge to the back of their minds, and enjoy the rest of the evening.

Ron and Amanda had been full of news themselves. They had set a date for their wedding, and even though it was six months down the line, they were both noticeably excited about it, and after they had sat and talked with Rae and Jesse they were excited too.

_"Rae, Jess, we wondered whether you would consider letting Eliana and Anneya be our flower girls when we get married?" Amanda had been smiling, she knew that when CJ and Dion had been ushers at the Travis wedding she had been delighted and proud, and she had a feeling that those feelings would be reciprocated._

_"Oh, that would be wonderful, yes, definitely yes, thank you." Rae had known that she was gushing, but she couldn't help it._

_The evening had continued in a very pleasant way. Mark had sat with Daniel talking quietly for a long time, and Steve and Jo had smiled and hugged each other as they watched the obvious love that was shared between the two of them. Jo was going to Community General the following week for the fitting of her new finger and she was happy and relaxed as she enjoyed the company of those around her._

_Her hair had begun to grow back thickly now, but, unlike Jesse's hers had grown back white. It looked stunning, and even though at the moment she saw it as a reminder of her ordeal she also knew that it made her stand out in a crowd, and she liked that. If she ever felt too overpowered by the emotions it evoked she would just dye it, but that wasn't an option right now._

Carefully Rae got up from her lawn chair, her mind full of happy memories, it had been a lovely evening, but she had enjoyed sitting in the evening sun with her husband almost as much, and so the evening she had just spent was another one to store away. Jesse opened his eyes, stretched a little and stood up too, and then, because it had always been a job that was beyond Rae's capabilities alone, they helped each other put the covers onto the recliners.

Jesse was getting tired, he had slept almost all day, but just sitting with his wife in the garden had drained him once more. He was getting a little stronger every day though, and he was hoping that he would be back at work, at least on light duties within the month. Rae had been working on and off all day. She had contacted the Chief in New York to break the news about his sister, and he had requested that she personally handle the case.

Jesse was walking easier now, his crush injuries had healed well and as they carefully made their way back into the house together they both stopped. They'd forgotten that they had put Eliana and Anneya to sleep in the bed in the breakfast room, neither of them had wanted to come in from the garden to listen to the baby alarm, and so, as both girls had been almost asleep on their feet they had guided them to the temporary bedroom and let them climb up onto the double bed.

Jesse looked at Rae and a grin broke out on his face, as Rae returned it the front door bell rang, and with a sigh they moved out together to answer it.

"Steve, Jo, Mark, Daniel? Is everything all right?" Jesse had been worried to see their neighbours standing there, but then he saw the look on their faces, and asked them in.

As Steve began to speak there was a cry from the breakfast room, and then a sleepy Eliana wandered out, at least she was sleepy until she saw who the guests were.

"Unky Teve, up, up." She moved over to him, her arms up in the air so that she could be picked up, and with a smile her godfather did just that. There was no sign of Anneya however, and so Rae looked into the room to see her still fast asleep, her hair fanned around her face, her thumb in her mouth, totally at peace.

"Guys, I'm sorry that we have come round uninvited, but we have some news, and we wanted to share it with you." Steve finally got the chance to talk.

"What? The four of you are grinning like Cheshire cats, so spill, before you burst." Rae turned to face her friends and found that she was grinning too. She had no idea why, but the expressions on their faces were contagious.

"Daniel made a request of us yesterday, an' today we set the legal wheels in motion. Which is a very stuffy way of sayin' that Daniel wants us to adopt him, an' so do we!"

The tiredness that Rae and Jesse had been feeling was pushed aside, and soon they were all back out on the patio, a bottle of champagne in an ice bucket, along with some soda for Daniel and Rae, and so that she didn't feel left out for the Eliana too. Anneya woke up and began cry and Jesse carried her out into garden enjoying the feeling of her in his arms.

Toasts for the future had been made and the impromptu party was beginning to wind down when Rae carefully stood up, a glass of soda in her hand.

"Before we all head to our beds, can I say something?"

"Sure, Sweetie, it is your house after all." Mark had smiled and looked around at his extended family, which now included a grandson and a beautiful daughter-in-law.

"Yes, it is, and that is part of what I wanted to say. Jesse, you were right, I do love this house, I hope Texas and Steve will let us stay here forever." Her husband smiled at her, he didn't say anything, he didn't have to, his eyes told her all she needed to know. "I don't want to get soppy or cute, but as I stand here and look around me, at my family and my friends, I feel that I have reached a very satisfactory stage in my life. It's been a long walk, but thanks to all of you, I think I'm home."

The End.

I would like to thank you for all the reviews I have received.  This was a very long story and I am gratified that you stayed with me. 

I also have the two most patient beta readers in the entire world, who helped me through the writing process, gave me ideas and comments which, I know, made this a better story. Ladies, you know who you are, and I thank you.

Tracy


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